• Member Since 20th Jun, 2015
  • offline last seen Feb 19th, 2023

Jeckard Cain


I enjoy writing occasionally

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Source

It's Hearts and Hooves day and Spike has finally discovered the courage to ask Rarity to be his special somepony. How will it go? Will he be shot down like so many times before, or is something else brewing that even Spike couldn't have imagined?

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 11 )

:pinkiehappy:this is a good story I liked it

Comment posted by Jeckard Cain deleted Sep 24th, 2016
Comment posted by SummerCaliBrony deleted Sep 24th, 2016
Comment posted by Jeckard Cain deleted Sep 24th, 2016

Your welcome :pinkiehappy:I hope to see more stories from you! :twilightsmile:

Good story I liked it

It was very enjoyable, though it does have some grammar errors here. It doesn't damage the quality of the story however. The one thing that bothers me is the climax

It was sad to learn that Aliss was just Chrysalis in disguise. The relationship between her & Spike, was quite entertaining to follow, which made it more heartrending when its revealed to only be a farce. This isn't what I have issue with however. The problem is that once Spike realizes that he was being used by Chrysalis, and that she didn't actually love him, he doesn't seem as distraught as someone who has just gotten his heart broken should. I was expecting to see a reaction from him, but it never really came. Furthermore while I cant come up with another way for them to defeat the Chrysalis, to erase Spikes memories seemed like, an easy get away, shattering all possibility of him having to deal with the facts, and resolve his issues with Rarity. Other than that I don't have anything else to say. Its a good short story, and while its has it's faults, I still found it to be quite entertaining.

6116941
thank you for all the feedback! When I originally started writing this I wanted it to end how it did simply because I thought it would be a very strong thing for spike to do to sacrifice so much just to save his friends. Yes I very much rushed the ending and I couldn't put into words exactly how I wanted the characters to behave. I will take your advice and put a lit more thought into the ending next time I am writing a short story such as this. Thanks again!

edit- Also I wanted it to be thought that Spike was under Alyss' spell as soon as he saw her, so there was never any real connection. No one falls in love in a second, and Spike already cares too much for Rarity to allow him to like anyone else in that way. Hence why when the spell is broken he realizes the bad of his actions and does what he can to prevent Chrysalis from controlling him again.

Is this Spilight?

6117626
it is not spilight for those wondering.

6117692 so wait, there's going to be more to this story

6213918
sorry for the misleading info. Yes the story is complete.

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