At her boutique, a dragon was always there, assisting all he can. She sees how hard he tries. She notices these little things that the gentledrake does. Ear-to-ear smile whenever he's around or near her, his mood seems to light up whenever she looks at him. Over the years, they've become stronger, happening more often. These are all very clear to her and she knows how he feels about her. The only question is... Does she feel the same?
© My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic belongs to Lauren Faust, as well as Hasbro.
Chapters (4)
Well, there's a lot of tense shift, from present tense to past tense. Some of these sentences feel weird, too, like this one
A better way to write that would have been "It wasn't as classy as what Rarity was serving him/as the spread Rarity was providing." or something like that. Look for places where you should be describing more or less.
2609681 I'll try to fix the tense shifts... Like the one you suggested, and I see that what you said makes more sense now... So, I shall fix that! Thanks!
2608830 Yeah... She should be, because there are two plates filled with the same things as the other... So... And thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
So I can make the assumption that the ponies like to eat living animals. Strange very strange.
I think it was fine.
2727889
Awww, thanks! That means a lot!
~EricaG
Really good so far. The only problem I have with it is that the chapters are too darn short, I needs more and I needs them now!
It was beautiful and cute, I want to see the next chapter.
It Was something sweet and tender, such as I like the Sparity.
I want to read what will happen the next chapter
wait is this sparity i wanna know this has to be sparity but it's labelled tragic sad and dark so i dunno do they break up does spike die what is this you have to tell me now please come on hurry up i need to know fjkhdlsdajkfhsjeklfhJKGDFHSDFKASJFHDKFHLSDJADFHLASDJFHASFASFHKLASFSAFASFASF
Definitely gonna read it sometime soon.
time is a silly thing
3525587
Yeah, the presence of the unholy trifecta of Tragedy, Sad, and Dark tags makes me want to wait until this is complete to find out whether the ending would make me regret having started it.
Are they humanized? Or are the ponies omnivorous? Like it so far good job
3940503 Dey are poonies..
Awwww snap, ponies eating meat.
2734859 I feel your pain.
Dammit again? This story looks absolutely amazing, but I'm not going to read it. Only because it's unfinished with the last comment on it being over two years ago
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