In My Town

(P.O.V.

PRE- The Cutie Map/ Cutie Markless. )

It's been a month since Starlight founded her town, and it is going well. Her mind begins processing her path of Equality, and she begins processing her goals, her dreams, and wonders if she truly believes what she is spreading.

Cover Art by Oak Sabletwist

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Pankrazius

Pankrazius #1 · Jun 5th, 2015 · · ·

Interesting point of view, indeed.
I like the idea of your story.

But... you direly should check for errors. There are many typos, left out blanks and such, to a point where it gets distracting.
Even in the description you put in blank lines between P.O.V. and the rest. Why you didn't just write it completely like

"Written in Starlight Glimmer point of view; The story is set before the season 5 pilot double episode."

You don't have too much text in your long description. So using acronyms and shortening everything, feels like lazy writing.

For the story itself: You have many thoughts of Starlight Glimmer here. But they feel sterile. Give a bit of description where she wanders, what the place look like, smell like, feel like. You even could set the real 'thoughts' in italics, or separate paragraphs to distinguish them from the descriptive parts.

But all in all it's a nice read and idea. Have my like.

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