When exploring the Crystal Castle, Cadence accidentally discovered Sombra's Diary. Curious she reads a few pages to find out more about the previous ruler.
Cover Art by: Oak Sabletwist
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 25th Sep, 2014
- offline last seen April 14th
CreatureofTheNight
An internet reviewer and lover of MLP. That's all I got to say Creature of the Night out
CreatureofTheNight
Joined 25th Sep, 2014 ·
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Enjoyable.
:3
8/10
Hello!
Enjoy!
I came here from the Authors Helping Authors group and I filled out the template they provided. I've only done a couple of reviews though, so I hope this one isn't too bad.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Diary of the King
Grammar score out of 10: 5
Pros:
Your story was extremely well-paced and enjoyable to read.
It made me laugh while maintaining a rather dark atmosphere, which isn't something easy to pull off. Awesome!
I really liked the comparison between Twilight and Sombra; the idea that had Princess Celestia not forced Twilight to go out and make some friends, she could easily have become someone like Sombra.
Cons:
Your grammar and spelling tend to lessen the impact of an otherwise BRILLIANT story.
Your tense shifts between past and present pretty frequently.
Cadence and Shining seemed a little out of character to me. Then again, that's an entirely subjective opinion, so don't worry about it too much.
Notes Section:
I absolutely loved this story; with some fixes to your grammar, spelling and tense, it would be near flawless. The flow was good and it kept me engaged. The atmosphere of the story as it sinks the reader steadily into darkness right up until the chilling conclusion is almost tangible. First you're laughing and then you're simply left staring at the screen in shock! Great job!
Good luck with your next story; I'm looking forward to it!
Also...if it's not too much trouble, would you mind taking a look at my story, "The Origin of Friendship?" I would really appreciate it. 