Daring Do, a pony which spends most of her time out on adventures hunting for anchient treasures. However, every once in a while, she need to dedicate time for the treasures she already got in her life, and not the ones he's about to find in th future.
This afternoon is one of those times, and while Daring couldn't be happier to finally spend some time with her beloved sister, one comment will soon make her question the choices she have made in the pasr, as well recall how all her adventures once started...
Chapters (1)
6484857 Glad you like it
Okay, I won't go critique mad like I would in some of my other reviewing groups, but please think about changing the opening. Describing the day and weather in the very first sentence of a book / fic is so overdone now that it makes for poor writing really. I'm not sure what exactly you could change it to, but just something a little less clichéd would be good.
Anyway, the fic itself was good. Personally, I kind of thought the flashback might've been better at the very start as opposed to half way through, as it would then make it feel like more time had passed. It'd also make a better opening
But it was cute nonetheless and a good representation of sibling rivalry. It was nice to see Do's soft side as well—but one thing that does need work is your grammar. This won't take much, even an online proof reader or a simple editor could fix it, but your sometimes questionable grammar does detract from the story a little.
But otherwise, very good!
7164024 Thank you! Grammar is because I don't have English as native language.
And well other than that thank you I'll consoder it
7164053
Ah, I see. And you're very welcome
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