When Twilight finds out what happens at the end of the Daring Do saga, she fears how Rainbow Dash will react to it, and tries to hide the book away from her.
This was written before season four, episode four, "Daring Don't," when it's revealed that Daring Do is a real pony, not a fictional character. Because of that, an Alternate Universe tag was thrown up shortly after the original air date of the episode. Simply consider the author of the Daring Do books as anonymous or not yet revealed for this story. Otherwise, it unfortunately doesn't make much sense.
Special thanks for collaborating with me on this goes to DeiStar, KillJoy and ambion. The talented cover artist is Syntactics.
Chapters (1)
I will... look at this very soon!
I promise!
oh my, I sense impending heartbreak upon RD's part
This was a great story, I feel in the end Twilight was showing loyalty to the element of loyalty herself.
looks cool
Beautiful… Just…
…
Absolutely BEAUTIFUL.
i1300.photobucket.com/albums/ag83/TrollestiaSubject/Discorded/Spike%20is%20Orphan/JASad.png
1805994 <-- This
(Joke) Alt. Title: And In The End, I Still Don't Care
".
And, judging by the description, this sounds more like a fast-paced Benny Hills-esque comedy then "OH MAH GAWSH, SO SAD FIC, I'M GONNA CRY:
1806212 Don't knock it before you try it.
So, a stories ending trying to be hidden. Commence read.
I feel it's a bit too abrupt in places, especially when Twilight first reads the ending. I feel you could have dragged that part out a bit more, described her reactions better as she got closer to the end, maybe have her monologue a bit. Show her react to the story instead of telling us that the ending was sad and it made her feel sad.
And thus Rainbow pretty much how every reacted when Dumbledore died...
1806251 It's about time I got an actual comment! Thank you very much.
Eat it Reg! Nice story.
I enjoyed the story, especially the d'aww ending, but I had a couple of issues with it. Still gets a like from me though.
The part where Twilight reads the story and starts to tear up, as well as when she and Rainbow both start reading was a little distracting for me. The pacing seemed off there, like it was going by too quickly.
Some errors:
adventurer.
alicorns rather than alicorn's, right?
1806378 Thanks, it's been fixed!
1806645 Thank you very much.
funny i have a fic titled the same thing except it has a 2012: in front of it
Art inspired = not awsome = you happy?
I have to say that, as someone that's edited before, there were tons upon tons of moments where I sort of twitched-- where I would have written it rather differently. Yet the idea itself is very nice. (I honestly kind of wish I could have really co-written the whole thing, but-- of course-- I've been in a misty cloud of nothingness for a while now that made me unable to write until f--king this morning). And the story isn't bad, of course. It's great. I just think it could have been better.
Things like: Walking along, She detected instead of Walking along, she detected.
But, anyways:
sadpanda.us/images/1293073-6IRN8HB.png
Awwww, I loved this, it was very moving. I also liked it when Twilight uses magic to try to stop Rainbow, it's a theme I've pursued in my own writings and it's fun. ^^
I saw the title, and I thought 'Well, that was a short story.'
I would read it, but just by skimming it, I can't say it catches my interest. Still, I'll put it in my read later, and hopefully get to it at some point.
nice idea.
Hey, Art Inspired, I'll be really frank with you.
At first I disliked you. Scratch that, I abhorred you. I thought you were one of those writers that write
ponies being vampires or lycansmediocre fanfics that only serve to please theworse-than-mediocrebrainlesseveryday readers. I initially attributed your success as "latching off" of SwiperTheFox and deemed you not worthy. I saw you as an annoying attention whore who needed its vitae expunged from his body. And then exhumed and burned.But, judging by this fanfic, I guess that I was wrong. And I apologize for being a retard.
You do have potential. This plot is one of the few original things in this site.
Think about this: One of the [very] few.
Finally, a story that understands emotional trauma people experience whe. A favorite fiction character of theirs dies. Well done fine sir
Lolwut, oh noeeeez. This would be like if Dashie dies for me!
Dammit I should have known better than to post my story on the same day as you.
In all seriousness though this wasn't a bad read and it was an original take on Daring Do.
Enjoy your +1
I really liked this story's premise, but to be honest I would have preffered a different angle on it. I think I would have enjoyed it much more, if I found myself in the position of Rainbow Dash, simply knowing that there's something off about the last Daring Do novel, but not knowing what, just dying to know what could be so awful that Twilight wanted to keep it from her. The way the story stands, it unfortunately felt very predictable to me by the point where Twilight reads the ending.
1808061 Thanks for the comment. I appreciate you helping me with how I can improve.
This kinda made me feel sad (which is an achievement, I don't usually get sad over stories) so good Job
I have no criticism becuase I don't care how a stories written ( unless it's really badly written and you don't understand WTF is happening ) I just like the story line and theme
You got me to cry over a metafictional character.
You are a talented author.
I think the 's' should be dropped.
Struggled should be struggling and this whole sentence seems fragmented.
1809005 The first one is correct. The second one was not. Thank you for the assist and thoughts.
my friend said this is a good story so i'm going to see for my self it probably will be good let me see
Well, since you want a review so badly, I'll put this on my read later and give you something sometime this evening.
uhh... well it was ok
but it wasn't your usual caliber of ok it was like
"this is my frst fic string my oc donut steel" ok
Well I think that you made the story-line quite upsetting for some readers, which was the goal I believe? And also the way you wrote the Daring Do section was quite true to that genre. But I feel that the story as a whole could have been made longer, it wasn't really a long read, it was more like a Wanderer D blog rant size. Also, in my opinion, at the loss of not only her favorite book to read, but also a possible role model? That would make Rainbow Dash very sad and depressed, try to add a bit on the end where as Twilight exits Rainbow's house, she (Rainbow) starts to burst into tears, and then into anger and flies straight for the author of the Daring Do books and DEMANDS that he/she brings her back.
Love:
~Professor Mareiarty
Overall, I thought this story was really good. The only complaints I have are that I thought Twilight's reaction could have been more drawn out, as well as the chase scene, but it doesn't really affect the story that much in my opinion.
My opinions are brutal and honest to most, but you asked and I'm in the mood to pick stuff apart. I'm not a grammar Nazi, so i'm not gonna talk about that.
Ok, I liked it. Now that I've said that, what I didn't like:
It seemed rushed. Some parts could of been longer. The part where Twilight goes looking for rainbow, It should have been longer than a paragraph. Maybe have her talk to some ponies, iunno. The chase was alright, it needed more to it, but I've said that to many times already.
The dialogue seemed dry as hell to me. It could've used some more descriptive to go along with it. When Twilight woke up, and scared spike, was the perfect place to put some more descriptive into the story.
The beginning was a bit confusing to me. Again, it could have been so much more descriptive.
The Daring Do part was good for what it was suppose to be. I wasn't expecting you to do the whole ending book of the Daring saga. Basically, it served it's purpose
For a one shot, this wasn't bad, but I've seen better. The story is good and founded. It's a good 'what if' story. The characters are true to cannon. Spike could have used more lines. The ending could have been better, but it was acceptable.
Overall, the story was good, but it could be better.
Let me know what you think of my review.
1809961 Thank you. I wish I had more, longer and detailed reviews like yours on any/all of my fictions.
This here Englishman promised a review, and he will give one.
I spotted a small error.
I believe this should be, D section.
That was the only thing I spotted that seemed amiss, as for that review...
First thing is Twilight's reaction. It was not well done in my opinion, you could have stretched it out much more. Her emotions, although conveyed well... Were fleeting, and she seemed to get over it quite quickly. If it was that horrible for her, surely it would have taken longer to forget?
Now, as for the chase scene. It was much better than the previous scene, and had some nice pacing going on. But it still failed in one respect, length. There was a lot you could have done with this scene, but you kept it short.
The way you resolved the chase was... odd. It seemed rushed and out of place, you could have added a lot of dialogue here and given both Rainbow Dash and Twilight some well need explanations. But you didn't, which bugs me.
I liked the part with Daring Do, it was good and conveyed emotions clearly. I can't say much other than well done.
The ending ticked me off, you had a chance at getting some massive feels out of it... But you let it all end so soon, and it felt rushed once more.
Overall, I liked it. But I feel it could be improved a lot.
~Vocal
1810117 I could if you want me to.
...I know how that feels, Rainbow.
1810183 Thank you very much for the thoughts. It's comments like these that deserve praise.
1810616
No problems, everybody needs some sort of help. Be it
a decent review or some editing. I hope you will take my
advice into mind and edit this, or simply remember what
I have said the next time you write.
Now... you up for reviewing my fiction? Now that I've fixed
it to the best of my dyslexic abilities?
~Vocal
1810643 I'll do the best I can, but remember, I'm a writer, not a reviewer.
Well... I'll be completely honest here, I liked it, but it was lacking in description and detail
in many places, which overall made the emotions conveyed rather... blunt and almost seemed
like you were simply stating things rather than getting involved with the characters.
I mean... It's hard to exactly point out where all of this is because it's speckled through-out the whole
thing. The part that best seems to keep events in detail was the excerpt from the Daring Do book and
even that could of used more.
So yeah, It's good, but it was rather bland.
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Well . . . Here are my thoughts . . .
Hmmm . . . It was pretty good, but it was lacking in some detail that could have been more . . . well, more. I liked it, yes indeed, but I do believe that you could have lengthened it to capture more emotions. For instance, you could reflect on Rainbow Dash's past of how she came to meet Daring Do, beginning with the stay in Ponyville hospital and progressing through the times she would stay up late reading, too. How Twilight was the one to get her hooked, and all the possible times Dash and Twi could have been reading together. It was a likable story, but it was void of emotion, except for Dash and Twi's emotions. Overall, I liked it. It was well written, could have been better, but that's just about the case with anything, and it was an enjoyable read.
By the way, have you ever read or heard of the book, The Kill Order, by James Dashner? That's an amazing book, and when Daring Do died, I thought of it because they have similar endings, only The Kill Order made me cry hysterically at the end. Sad, sad ending . . .
I hope that this criticism doesn't make you want to give me a shin kick or anything, and that it was helpful in some ways, instead. And, hay! If you didn't like my thoughts, go find one of my stories and criticize to your heart's content! Harshly, encouraging . . . Whatever you wanna' say, say what you like.
-Soul
A very well written and quite believeable story to say the least. The detail was exquisite and allowed for perfect pictures to be made in my head.
Daring's dead. Not big sooprise.
Oh man... This was a good read, though.