Sad4,351 stories ·2,622 members
The Writers' Group56,384 stories ·9,291 members
The OC Fanfiction Library1,803 stories ·1,404 members
Queen Chrysalis's Changeling Swarm2,758 stories ·3,960 members
Twilight's Library6,257 stories ·4,834 members
When Princess Celestia faces a harsh choice to execute an innocent and virtually harmless changeling, will she be able to go through with the notion of taking the filly's life, or will sympathy overtake her moral alignment?
*In this story, the changelings are based off of Season 2, so it's as if they've never given love freely. Sept 4th, 2017
Page generated in 0.048 seconds
Total duration
986 users online
404,304 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
What would you have done? Would you have executed the changeling? Would you send her to the Everfree Forest? Let me know in the comments.
I'd have done exactly what Celestia ended up doing. And oh btw, this is amazing. I'm so following this one. <3
Awww, how cute.
It's just a child, and it's not Sin's fault that changelings tried to invade Canterlot.
Besides that i wonder how one just pops up in the dungeon (the guards were very eager to just kill it so they probably would have done so where they found it
).
1307807 I take that as a compliment. Had this idea in my head and I had to get it out. Now for the other ten thousand ideas!
1307828 Oh, highly flattered, believe me. I'd be more than delighted to hear some ideas. As an idealist, my main enjoyment in life is to speculate thoughts, opinions, and possibilities, which led me to the interest of the multiverse theory. (Here we go again... No, I won't.) Any who, this was just a rough thought and a quick, random, simple fiction that has yet to be fully thought out.
Little do they know, there's another changeling in Ponyville who's absolutely h armless. Unless provoked, that is.
1307757 I would never condone the death of a child, no matter what the circumstances. You cannot punish the young for the sins of their ancestors. It's unjustifiable.
It is indeed a hard decision to make. Executing the changeling would be committing an act of murder because, the aforementioned has not done anything wrong. But it is changeling nature to be a scourge to those who show and express love, and of course that may be seen as a reason for execution. Banishing the changeling, to me, would be committing the sin of omission. because you aren't doing anything to improve the situation in anyway.
Personally though, I'd still have done what Princess Celestia did, as I feel that violence is often not justified.
Celestia for sure will kill any other changelings if it wasn't cute hohoho
In real life, I'm pro death penalty but I don't think I could execute a little changeling barely past the grub stage.
I will not criticize this story for its internal content. The moral contained within is just. However, I will say that this story is the epitome of the assumption concerning the changelings that the fanbase as a whole accepts as truth. I have for some time been piecing together a story of my own, and I have been debating whether or not to write it. Yet this has now compelled me to make a decision. I needs must produce my own assumption of the nature of the changelings, and counter this dogma which has been almost unanimously accepted.
1307933 And what, per say might that be, if you're willing to share?
1307983
Given that I have meditated on this story night and day, and have a partially completed outline for it (it being the size of an epic), I do not want to be too explicit, lest someone else take the idea and write a story story about it in a few days and make all of my hard work be in vain. Though I will say this: In war, the demonization of the opposing side is inevitable, but such conceptions are not always true.
1308017 Interesting. Confusing, but that's a good thing.
1308050
My compliments to you on a story well written though despite my disagreement with part of its base. You might have been able to draw it out a bit more. I'm not sure if you were going for a logos or a pathos approach, but it seems to me like you intended to take the latter. If my assumption is correct, you did well, but a little more detail would have furthered your point.
I would have killed it. Changelings are manipulative little bastards, and being an innocent little filly is one of the best ways to garner sympathy from the soft little ponies. What could be a more perfect disguise? Change into a pony, let yourself get caught, then turn yourself into a changeling nymph and act sweet and innocent. The ponies will fall for it hook, line and sinker, and then wake up one night with slit throats and the kingdom taken over.
Unless, of course, you purge every changeling that dares enter your realm. Including the 'baby' ones, because it's a race of fething shapeshifters and master manipulators and you have no idea if you're looking at their true form or not.
1308078 Ah, but the changeling filly has yet to commit any serious crime, and who's to say that once she is grown with the guidance if the princess that she will still be a evil, blood sucking monster? We don't know, and this is extraordinarily debatable! It's an interesting concept to think about, and your opinion might change later on in the story.
1307757 God damn, you pump out so many stories.
And I'd kill the fucker with fire.Send it to the Everfree.it kind of the same question in the hell boy series. Hell boy is a demon , but he fights against them.
1308129
Who's to say she isn't a monster right now? The life of a single filly is hardly worth the risk involved with taking her in. I'm just talking about first impressions, of course; if Celestia risks taking in a changeling and it works out in the end, great, but it's irresponsible to take that risk in the first place. If she's right, that's an ally for Equestria, but if she's wrong about the changeling then she or other important ponies could die. It isn't worth the risk.
This is, indeed, a lot of fun ;p
Very pretty cover image. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png
Will watch and see where it goes
You know, truthfully, i would want to take care of a Changeling.
Since Celestia really isn't affected by any time constraints, I'd say spare the filly, raise it, and find out whether or not you can co-exist with them eventually.
If not, exterminating the entire race is still a perfectly viable option.
you want my honest opinion. i would have had either rainbow dash or twilight charged with taking care of the changeling nymph.
cheers
Good Celestia. You may live another day.
(Never take me seriously when I threaten the solar princess)
I would of course be welcoming and see if she would respond in kind.
Then I would either confine her somewhere or take care of her. And that is not the thug slang.
And another fic gets added to the list.
To answer the question posed, without reading the chapter, I would spare it. What I would do with it beyond that would vary greatly depending on far more factors than I'm willing to list at the moment.
Are you going to continue this or is this a one shot?
1308616 Oh, I'm SO continuing this.
Hells yes!
1307757
I'd've kept it alive, purely because I like "different" Changeling type stories.
You have a thumb up and a fav.
1308658 This one, much like When You Were Young will change your perspective of the originally though and assumed villain.
still your #1 fan, and still LOVE THE HELL OUT OF EVERYTHING YOU WRITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1308671
veryhappypig.com/page/tyr1.gif
1308672 YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1307757 Well I would try to raise the changeling without messing up and turning her evil I mean it's wrong to punish someone who hasn't done anything
1307757 Neither. I'm not an executioner.
1308017 But from what I've seen of most fanfics with Changelings, nearly every story has some changelings that are good. Many feature Chrysalis as the primary driving force behind the invasion, and after the failure the others abandon her, and blame her for the grab for control when they would have been happy gaining love by merely pretending to be ponies, using stealth and cunning.
And also, as far as the show canon, we are seeing it as impartial third-party observers. We must assume invasion happened exactly as shown; given that, I can accept the many stories that show Chrysalis as the instigator. From her own words, she openly admits orchestrating the entire invasion. How intelligent the other changelings are is currently unknown. They are clearly sapient to some degree as they are capable of undertsanding speech and acting in something of an independent manner (the Changeling that Pinkie toyed with), but the extent of that intellect and freedom of will is still left for debate.
Now, as for the moral, I don't see any difficulty here at all. The ponies have no true idea of the nature of changelings, and this one has as yet done no harm. The just thing to do would be to attempt to raise it and instill pony values. If it still ends up turning to the ways of wickedness and cruelty, then one can assume evil is simply genetically ingrained into their very essence.
I love the concept, but the chapter is far too rushed. Not to mention, the beginning of the chapter is incredibly coincidental.
Celestia declares her death penalty and then, coincidentally, there's a changeling in the dungeon. This convenience of plot ruins immersion. The opening could be a lot better if, perhaps, it started in the dungeon, and described the situation without directly saying what is in there, creating a minor sense of mystery. Then a flashback would tell us what Celestia had declared to the press (without stating exactly when she said that, leaving it up to the viewer to decide). A non linear opening is more interesting and, more importantly, avoids that coincidental plot point. But what to take away from this, is to consider how your plot points connect with each other, from one to the next, as well as the pacing of the chapter and story as a whole.
Your descriptive language lacks depth too, for example "...and let the very tip slide in..." this tells us only the basic information, but makes no mention of the 'how', nor the emotion of the scene or action. That whole paragraph is far too uninvolved, and not emotional enough. You could write it so much better, really get us to feel something with this scene, but you haven't. It's cold, and shows us very little. Celestia is actively hurting a baby, and considering murdering it. Emphasize it!. Yes, you mention she is baffled, and that her morals and conscience stop her from going through with it, but it's just so...basic. I know you describe the changeling as crying before and after, but lack any description of it as Celestia pokes it with a sword, enough to draw blood. A baby can really cry when it's hurt. It's a poor omission.
A minor complaint, but something that irked me: the guard talks to her with an odd familiarity and a startling lack of respect, and doesn't particularly feel believable. Why does he seem to know more than Celestia does? While it's possible to have a Guard OC that is familiar with the princess and can talk to her like that, it feels abrupt and inelegant here. Again, if it all weren't so rushed, you could set up such a guard OC with some more fleshing out of their interactions.
This is important: you state the dungeon floor as 'concrete', when flagstones would be more correct. Concrete really is a little too modern. While concrete mixing isn't strictly a modern invention, it's the word that's important. What do people think of when they hear 'concrete' as opposed to 'flagstones'? Flagstones are old and convey images of castles etc. Concrete doesn't. Words and their connotations are very important.
If you want the floor to be modern and concrete, do so for a good reason. Otherwise, there is very little description of the 'dungeon'. All we have to go in is the word 'dungeon', so we are forced to use the stereotype of a medieval dungeon. That's fine, but now 'concrete' is anachronistic too, as well thematically confusing.
The power of a single word.
And I mention all this because it, again, ruined my immersion. In all forms of good entertainment, immersion is key.
"The only reason other changelings turned out like fiends was because of Chrysalis always torturing their minds with lies and propaganda" I kind of have to contend this. While you certainly have artistic license in your fic, the changelings are, by nature and mythology, evil because they feed on the love one has for the person the changeling has replaced and killed. It is written into their nature. The interesting concept in this fic is how 'Sin' would have to deal with this, a story of Nature vs Nurture. It has little to do with lies and propaganda. It's a matter of surviving or starving.
It's more a preference on my part, but 'Sin'? For a name? Celestia doesn't strike me as the type to give a name that laden with negative connotation. At best it lacks subtlety and at worst it borders on Mary Sue. But considering it's the name of the fic too, it's not really something you could work on without an overhaul. Though I would strongly suggest coming up with a different name.
That last paragraph is not only a laden with assumption, but it's a huge amount of 'Telling' instead of 'Showing'. The rule is 'Show, Don't Tell'. You give us a lot of information without any evidence. You could, instead, end the chapter before that paragraph, or write something else, and in the next chapter show us the time skip, and then show us how different ponies treat her, and explain to us through character interaction how Canterlot reacts to her.
Like I said, the concept is great. It's basically The Jungle Book, except Mowgli is a Changeling. Bagheera/Baloo is Celestia. And MLP flavoured, which is great. But right now, it's not reaching the potential greatness it could have. From a literary standpoint, you need to work on your descriptions of scenes and your word choices and the emotional connotations they have for the reader, Pacing, and the rule of 'Show Don't Tell'.
I say all of this as constructive criticism, and mean no offense, even if anything I wrote sounds like it. I know most fanfic authors write for fun, but if you want to continue writing and getting better, I hope my points have some merit to them for you.
1307757
Chrysalis, yes (for her actions); but here, I'd go for the wait and see approach.
I would do as Princess Celestia had done. The logic behind this is simple.
1) Though Changelings can change themselves into another pony they cannot change their size. This falls under a minor rule of size to mass. If something is four hundred pounds and you make it ten pounds where does the extra three hundred and nine pounds go? It has to go someplace so a Changeling turning into a younger version of itself be impossible meaning if this looks like a changeling foal it is a changeling foal.
2) Since it is a foal it has not committed any crimes to the kingdom so a death penalty be pointless and seen by the princess as willful murder. Also since Changelings can make themselves into other ponies, who is not to say that this too would cause issues for the kingdom as well. There would be a very possible Salem Witch Hunt, changeling style, resulting in many innocent ponies losing their lives. This is not what the Princess would want. Sending it to the Everfree Forest is also unneeded and would be seen as cruel in the Princess' eyes if one thinks on it. This is a foal and sending it to a place where it can barely survive is also not what the Princess would want. Also as stated by the guard, if it does survive it would possibly return in anger with an army of it's own. It would be best to prevent this now than later.
3) The most important by far of my logic is this. Influence. This Changeling is a foal so it can grow and learn to be good and friendly under Celestia's teachings and care unlike with Chrysalis who teach the changeling foal hate and anger and that love is the only food they can have.
I am unsure if Changelings can actually eat the same food as Ponies, though this is kind of up in the air for me personally, it is worth a shot.
Again I would do as Celestia did and take the foal in.
I really like this story , its well writen and makes you want to cry
.
and Harry potter reference?
Your highness,” he said in shock. “There’s… a changeling! In the dungeon… Hurry!”
1309117 I don't, in any way disapprove of this constructive criticism. Instead, I learn from it. If anything, I thank you for it, and look forward to possible, other reviews for later chapters.
1309176 YES! YOU SAW THAT!
1309201
I will personally inter-slap anyone who would kill a child of any race simply because of what it could do. Think about what you do in your day to day life, if you were insane, or had no morals, how many opportunities to you have in one day to kill people. But you don't, because you were brought up better than that.
as for the changeling I'd burn it with fire I SAID LOVE AND TOLERATE!
Truely the greatest casualty in war is the innocent.
I would've done the same thing Celestia end up doing.
1309186 I'm glad you can appreciate constructive criticism!
One thing I just remembered, be careful of being an Omniscient Narrator. Using the same example I cited above "The only reason other changelings turned out like fiends was because of Chrysalis always torturing their minds with lies and propaganda" In this paragraph we are reading Celestia's thoughts, but how would Celestia know that about Chrysalis? Celestia only met her once. You know, as the author, but the character doesn't. Don't let your omniscience seep into the characters' thoughts, words or knowledge, you need to really get into the characters mind, and write them as the character not as the author.
I'd be happy to leave some criticism on future chapters, although I may not always be expedient about it.
I would've pretty much done the same... raised it as my own. It won't be accepted in the community, but they can go buck themselves and leave me and my Changeling alone
Yeesh. You spew fanfics faster than Twilight writes letters when she learns that the more letters she sends, the more "credit" she gets. If you get the metaphor
At least they're bloody well done and not just "Let's go slam my face against my keaybo-I mean write a fanfic!"
I don't normally watch people due to erm... personal thingies and morals and other jargon I don't feel like going into, but you deserve it (as if my watch matters in the first place! Woohoo being insignificant in comparison to everypony else!)
Have a reward!
Hope you like panda's and cheese :3
You need to pat yourself on the back
1309321 Every watch is greatly appreciated. Thank you.
1309351
I was really hoping for a goofier response.