Twilight Sparkle will not outlive her friends, but Twilight will live forever. Faced with the harsh reality of being an alicorn Twilight has made a decision that will affect her friend’s lives forever.
Chapters (7)
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Awesome.
woooooooow
this storry is absolutely amazing O_O
im soo impressed
by the description i couldnt have thought that it would be that good o.o
wow
im so excited for more ^^
and Dislestia <3
Oooohhh, this looks interesting.
And this is another good thing discord can do.
The story concept is pretty solid, with the whole "how would the Mane Six deal with immortality?" It's been explored before, but that doesn't mean you can't make a new take on it and get something good from it. Your writing is fairly good as well, though there's some comma splices and tense inconsistencies here and there.
The biggest flaw is that it's incredibly rushed. There's no setup, no description, just things happening with just enough effort to summarize what's going on. (Fluttershy's "intervention" is an exception to this, being a scene fully written out.) It gives me the impression that you're trying to get the chapters over with as quick as possible so you can get on with something more important. This could work if you have plans for a more elaborate story set later in their immortal lives and all of this so far is just the prologue, but I'm not so sure if that's the case. And when the story seems to be rushing to get finished, it doesn't encourage the readers to get emotionally invested. Which is a shame, because as I said, there's a lot of potential in the concept.
5831630 Thank you for your feedback. When I conceived this idea I wanted it to be presented not so much like a prologue but rather as an epilogue. I never intended it to feel rushed but the events being told as a summery is by design, and to be honest each chapter seemed longer in my head. I didn't wan't to add things just to make them seem longer because I wanted to maintain the summery feel. Fluttershy's chapter was an exception because her story takes place within the shortest time span, the idea being the shorter time frame the more detailed, sort of like how our own memories work.
Originally this was going to be a one shot story, but as I've been finishing up the next two chapters for this I've been having ideas for more stories for this premise . So you can look forward to a sequel that will be more of a full length story.
5826561 Tanks, I find this encouraging.
yessssss
so nice :D
uuh and whos now gonna get a chapter? :DDD Discord ? *squeee*
or Cadence and shining uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh that would be interesting ^^
buuut yeah im excited for more ;3
Seriously ,why does twilight has to be so kind?