Pony Immortal

by VectorSprite

Rainbow Dash: Boredom

Rainbow Dash followed her dream of becoming a Wonderbolt. With the benefit of infinite time to achieve her goal Rainbow took it slow, training herself to be the best over a period of decades. When it came time to apply she was unstoppable, rising quickly through the ranks breaking every record until every record was held by her. When there was no one left to beat Rainbow worked on beating herself, breaking her own records again and again setting a standard nopony else could live up to.

Eventually she realized that with no competition there was nothing left to achieve, and so she left the wonderbolts in search of a new kind of challenge. Being a mother and raising a family was something Rainbow had never really considered, but now that her life goals were behind her the idea she once would have scoffed at now seemed new and exciting.

It was never hard for Rainbow to pick up a guy, but to meet a guy that liked her for her was going to be difficult. She was too well known in Ponyville and Cloudsdale, so to meet a stallion who wouldn't be impressed by her celebrity she had to go to a place where pegasus news wasn't big. So she traveled far, to a farming community where mostly Earth ponies lived.

Rainbow never really had a relationship that was more than a fling, so she found dating was a lot harder than she expected. So like all things she trained herself to be the best, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't seem to improve. One day she met a stallion, and the more time she spent with him, the more she realized she didn't have to be perfect to the best. Together they raised foals, with each new one born Rainbow refined her motherly skills with the usual goal of being number one. With her first born she thought of herself as a failure, until she learned that, like dating, there was no failure as long as you keep trying.

Five kids was enough for Rainbow’s husband. Rainbow wanted more, but she knew he couldn't stay young forever like she could, so she had to settle for waiting for grandkids. And when they came Rainbow strived to be the best grandma, which ended up being easy considering how good she was at being a mom. After that she strived to be the best great grandma, and that's when things started to get awkward. The elder ponies tended to not believe that this young rainbow maned filly was the same Rainbow Dash who came to their town years ago. The younger ponies thought she was one of them even occasionally being hit on by students who thought she went to the other school. In the old folks home no one believed she was the wife of one of the residents, except those who figured she was some kind of gold digger. Rainbow also had to go through her Husband having dementia. One silver lining to this was he sometimes thought he was his younger self back when he and Rainbow were first dating. Rainbow indulged in the fantasy until he passed.

Rainbow wanted to leave, and the excuse to do so came in the form of an escalation in the war. Rainbow went to Canterlot with Twilight and the rest to fight on the front line. When it was over she found out most of her family had moved out into the world, not content with small town living.

Of course Rainbows descendants wouldn't be able to sit still. Satisfied that a bit of herself lived on in them, Rainbow decided to travel the world. She saw all of Equestria. She visited with ponies, griffins, zebras, dragons. She even found her way into the land of the breezies and spent a year amongst them.

When she felt she had seen everything there was too see she went back to Cloudsdale, the last destination on her list. Her intention was to meet somepony new and start again. This time her plan was to marry another celebrity, her reasoning being someone famous wouldn't be enamored by her fame. But Rainbow was surprised to find that she was more than famous in Cloudsdale, in fact she was practically worshiped. Being a Wonderbolt for a century and setting a standard nopony could achieve made Rainbow dash the most important pony in Cloudsdale. Statues of her, constructed of enchanted marble, were erected all over the city.

Rainbow wasn’t a princess, but they sure treated her like one. Ponies would bow in front of her, store owners would thank her profusely for shopping at their store, restaurants would give her VIP tables, if they didn’t just outright clear out the whole place for her. But none of that was as bad as the ponies that seemed to think she was a goddess. They would ask her to watch over them as they tried out for the Wonderbolts, ask for guidance in their careers, and in general ask for blessings.

Rainbow had to get out of there. She went back to Ponyville in search of something familiar, although she dreaded that her fame would be worse in the town she called home for the majority of her normal life. Luckily Twilight and the other heroes of Ponyville kept a down to earth relationship with the townsponies.

Back home Rainbow Dash now spends most of her time playing video games on her computer, beating her own speed runs, making up new goals, and searching for whatever challenge she can in the virtual world.

Comments

[Stewie91]

Awesome.

[Nerfyy]

woooooooow
this storry is absolutely amazing O_O
im soo impressed
by the description i couldnt have thought that it would be that good o.o
wow
im so excited for more ^^
and Dislestia <3

[Honest Wisdom]

Oooohhh, this looks interesting.

[Mooncalf]

The story concept is pretty solid, with the whole "how would the Mane Six deal with immortality?" It's been explored before, but that doesn't mean you can't make a new take on it and get something good from it. Your writing is fairly good as well, though there's some comma splices and tense inconsistencies here and there.

The biggest flaw is that it's incredibly rushed. There's no setup, no description, just things happening with just enough effort to summarize what's going on. (Fluttershy's "intervention" is an exception to this, being a scene fully written out.) It gives me the impression that you're trying to get the chapters over with as quick as possible so you can get on with something more important. This could work if you have plans for a more elaborate story set later in their immortal lives and all of this so far is just the prologue, but I'm not so sure if that's the case. And when the story seems to be rushing to get finished, it doesn't encourage the readers to get emotionally invested. Which is a shame, because as I said, there's a lot of potential in the concept.

[VectorSprite]

5831630 Thank you for your feedback. When I conceived this idea I wanted it to be presented not so much like a prologue but rather as an epilogue. I never intended it to feel rushed but the events being told as a summery is by design, and to be honest each chapter seemed longer in my head. I didn't wan't to add things just to make them seem longer because I wanted to maintain the summery feel. Fluttershy's chapter was an exception because her story takes place within the shortest time span, the idea being the shorter time frame the more detailed, sort of like how our own memories work.

Originally this was going to be a one shot story, but as I've been finishing up the next two chapters for this I've been having ideas for more stories for this premise . So you can look forward to a sequel that will be more of a full length story.

[VectorSprite]

5826561 Tanks, I find this encouraging.