A boy goes to Canterlot city hoping to start anew and get away from the painful memories of his past. He plans to do this by making sure no one knows who he is as he tries to have a normal life as the resident loner.
This is the first story I've written I plan to finish it if it gets positive response
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Quick question.
Does this take place in the Friendship is Magic universe, or the Equestria Girls universe?
I'm asking this because of a lack of an explanation on what is going on.
I don't even know who StarDust Shine is, and why should I care who this person is.
Explain who your main character is and his motivations first.
EDIT: With a bit of tweaking here and there, you can merge both chapters into one and you could easily double the word count. So far, this isn't bad for a first fic.
You just need to put a little more work into it.
5779838 Sorry for the confusion it's supposed to take place in the EG universe and more about Stardust Shine will be explained in the future
5779838
5780781 I've got to agree with Changeling here, you could definitely benefit from merging the first two chapters. I'd also like say that having an editor is beyond helpful.
But this isn't terrible, just put a bit more work into how you describe your characters.
5780885 It isn't just the characters. he needs to bring a bit more life into the story.
5780781 Why not explain it now, during the first few chapters. Both chapters can be merged into one. You just need to do a few tweaks and you could easily double your word count with only one chapter.
5781415 Ah, but if he properly defines his characters the rest will usually come naturally after that. Personally, I see someone's first fic as practice, which is why I'm kind of giving this guy some slack.
5780885 I have an editor albeit a nice very good one
5782672 That's a good thing, do you also have a prereader?
5782855 yes
5782859 Well, then just work on that characterization, I'm sure you'll do fine here.
5781420 First off I planned on having Stardust be a more mysterious character you didn't know a lot about. Second while I agree these two chapters can be combined I planned the first chapter as an introduction to the story and each subsequent chapter having one of the mane six
5781415 what do you mean by "a bit more life"?
5783065 Never mind. I see that you got an editor and beta reader. I wish you luck on your story, you've earned a like.
5783118 yeah but she's not very good
5783131 It's your first fic, trust me when I say it tends to get better the more you work on it. I wish I could say the same for my own work. I've long since abandoned it, it just didn't seem like it was going anywhere, so I moved on to other things.
this is a amazing story
5815822 thank you