<---- Falco Judging your cringe
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Celestia, Luna, Twilight, and her friends bask in the mid afternoon sun after having a much enjoyable picnic. Rainbow Dash, who has grown bored of lounging around, decides that she wants to challenge Celestia to a race, proving who is the fastest in Equestria. Could it be the Supersonic Pegasus, or the Alicorn Goddess?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like it. Nice concept, well written, no obvious errors. Could have used a little more description and words aside from dialogue, but that's just my personal preference, it's fine without it. Overall, I really liked it.
Seriously, awesome concept for a story. All the props to you!
Well written and a good story. Pretty good fic I say.
Heh, nice though I had been hoping you'd do something with the implication that Luna beat the two of them to Canterlot. She was waiting behind the door after Celestia crashed. Yeah, you got teleportation magic, blah, blah. But where's the fun in that?
WHAT? IMPOSSIBLU.
new2.fjcdn.com/comments/1+ponies+are+real+2+mlp+fan+or+_c06da4315d9f30abc371f0126f06c7c7.jpg
Light speed : 299 792 458 m/s
Speed of Sound : 340.29 m/s
At best, according to death battle (Which I will use with impunity) It says Rainbow Dash at best goes to Mach 10 which is 3 402.9 m/s.
5767991
5767991 Thank you for beating me to this.
5767998
IF THIS DOESN'T CONVINCE YOU. THIS WILL
fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/189/f/4/dora_demotivational_by_crazyguy225-d6cm62b.jpg
WAIT WHAT? I WIN!!
5768002
Well, someone had to be the thick-headed idiot who couldn't understand that this was a joke. Or it was not to be taken literally.
5768005 Yup! And thanks for not letting it be me :P
~ Neon Lights
Hello. My name is Matthew DePointe, founder of the review group The Fimfiction Bureau of Imaginationists . Here is the review that you requested:
1.)
. Castle shouldn't be capitalized.
2.) The story is actually really well written. It just has some minor grammar issues, like missing a comma or period, and maybe some verb-conjugation issues. I love the character development, the dialogue between the characters, and the general mood of the story. Not only do I understand what Rainbow Dash is feeling when she is bored, I can understand the involvement of the other characters in her race. You did a good job of describing the scene.
3.) Barring the minor grammar issues, I'd rate this 7.5/10 based on the above description. Congradulations.
A billion bits to you,
Matthew DePointe
I liked it!
There's the odd grammar error here and there, but they're probably imperceptible to anyone who isn't a grammar nerd such as myself.
I would suggest a tag change though, I'd say this fic leans more towards "Slice of Life" than "Adventure".
Imagine if Celestia really did travel at the speed of light... She would experience linear time as 0. Essentially meaning she exists at all points of time at the same time. One trillion years in the future? Haven't aged a second. The Big Bang? Pfff. Best anti-aging method ever. She also wouldn't be conscious, but eh, details.
-But Light's faster
Well, this is nice enough one-shot. Nice idea, no real technical problems with the writing etc. But especially the racing bit felt awfully tell-y. Prime example being Rainbow flying along just fine, and then suddenly passing out from exhaustion. Would have really benefited from descriptions of burning wings, gasping breaths etc. before that happened. And no, I don't mean just in the previous paragraph.
Am I grossly misunderstanding something... or did Luna go from Ponyville to Canterlot after giving the other two a massive head start and only arriving shortly after the race is over?
... is... is Luna the fastest?
5805223
I see that you are reviewing my little one-shot. Send me the link when you are finished.
5805321 Finished. I decided to accept it into the bin. Decision is you-know-where.
5805223 I'm sure Luna simply teleported ahead. After all, she wasn't racing.
I usually don't like dialogue heavy fics... But this one one out!
5888161
Tank you, I know that the descriptive sentences could've been more... Meatier , in a sense, but you still enjoyed it. That's all that counts to me
This does not need to be capitalized.
Missing commas.
Missing comma.
Missing comma or period. If you go for a period, capitalize "c'mon".
Either you accidentally hit enter when you meant to hit space or you did not hit enter enough.
Missing comma.
Missing comma or period. If you go for a period, capitalize "can".
1.) Extra space.
2AB.) This: —, is an Em Dash. It is what is supposed to be used to end sentences in this fashion. It does several other things, but you can follow the link to find out what those are. To make one, all you need to do is hold down the Alt key and, using the numerical keypad to the right of your keyboard type 0151. Or, conversely, if you cannot do that, copy and paste the one provided.
Em dash.
Period should be a comma.
Extra space.
There seems to be a word or two missing here.
Well, that was interesting. Sound and light do not follow the same rules in Equestria that they do here on Earth. If you remember The Cutie Mark Chronicles, the Rainboom that gives all the ponies their cutie marks, they each heard the boom before they saw the light that followed it. Which means, in Equestria, sound is faster than light.
~KBO.
5888575
I'm glad that you enjoyed this enough to add to your favorites. Oh, are you an editor cause I may need to call on you for future projects...
5888799 I do try my best...
So you want a reading sins?
I'll think about it if it hasn't been taken
5952637
Thank you, I just wanna see how many holes can be poked through this one.
5952982 I'll try it. :D
Done with extra TF2.
quite a good read. very interesting. cant anyone beat celestia...at anything?
5956793
That's Exactly how this started out. I was watching Wonderbolts Academy when it hit me, Celestia is usually calm and reserved, but what if her and RD had a race. And thus this was born.
6252429
So true my friend
6348382
You're actually right. I never thought about that.
Full review here, but in brief: a nice touch about rainbooms and "Oh... my... me" was funny. A bit too stretched out to story length, though.
8682188
Thank you. I had not a shred of an idea that this was going to happen, but I’m glad you took some enjoyment from this