You are the Dragon King! For thousands of years you have lived as the top predator in the land, doing what you please, killing anything that gets in your way, or just any one you felt like killing.
When no one was left to challenge your might you sought out the greatest powers in he land; The Alicorn Sisters.
After a heated battle they did the unthinkable; they beat you. As your life trickled away however, you found it was not the end.
You awaken 1,500 years later, your memories intact. Your once glorious body, replaced with something... smaller.
2/6/2016
12/14/2016
FEATURED!!! Thanks everyone!
New cover by Mix-up
Chapters (16)
Wow, this was actually pretty good. I like the idea and can't wait to see where it goes.
5748685 Thanks!
I died to two Stupid Alicorns!?
I suck...
Will read later.
5749241 No. Technically you died from what they threw at you for a last ditch effort.
Dalm,
My OC is the dragon king...(HES NOT MARY SUE/GARY STU!!! I have a backstory as to why!) In short,
I love it
I like the story so far, it makes sense with little to no grammar errors.
However the "2nd person" feel isn't there at all, I don't relate to the dragon you are trying to make. Plus how you write also go towards a more 1st person feel, like you are reading the words of the character instead of your own words.
Other than my opinion on that, i'll be thumbs upping and favoriting. A non-romance 2nd person story is a rare one and I wanna see how it turns out!
5749524 These are excellent points and I am applying them to the next chapter. Thanks for the great input, hope to keep you around.
I too shall see where this goes.
5751180
No problem, i'll be here waiting to see what you come up with.
Awesome bud, REALLY excited to read this one!!!!!
5755591 thankya, liked writing this one
That was good, made me laugh.
Barely any grammar errors still, great, and it gave a basic idea of what happened after the events of last chapter. Awesome.
Could use some work still on that "2nd person" feel but with how you made the story I don't think much can be done about it. Which is fine, it's still a good story as of yet.
5756829 Thanks was going in one direction with story but it changed for the better.
The ending there surprised me....no it didn't. I could possibly guess what happens next, however I won't bother and wait.
Good chapter, probably the better of them. Liked how you went back and forth at the end there.
5792151 Well most things do happen in that quaint little hamlet, so yeah. As for what will happen next: I have a few ideas but we will see where it goes.
Well, this is turning our better than I thought it would. Hope to see more soon, and keep up the good work!
5829356 I'd like to think I'm hitting my stride.
Thanks for the support
Okay! Back to reading and commenting.
Interesting chapter i'd say, the one thing that popped out to me was the "thousand year old instinct" that came when chomping the apple. I liked how you are adding more of Flint's past into his current predicaments, like a dragon's animal instinct, if you really want to delve into the dragon instincts at some point it'll become...well physical so i'm interested to see what happens with that.
I like also how you even made Flint like how an intelligent dragon is portrayed. Wise, strong willed but with major anger issues, as shown QUITE well in this chapter.
But I have a question, I get why he got mad at this "Princess"(who I totally don't know who it is) but if he heard her and she didn't sound like the princesses he knew, wouldn't that have popped the question in his head "who is that?". It may just be "he's too mad to think straight" but I was just curious.
5862878 Thankya for the feedback. Yeah I felt that despite his physical limitations, size, lack of wings, and inability to digest meat I felt that he would still have the innate reflexes of a predator, stalking, coordination, and even ferocity.
As for the princess, come on now, infer!
-Lives in Ponyville.
-Friendly with AJ
-lavender coat, violet eyes
Let me give you a hint T. Sparkle, no that's no good...Twilight S.
As for the voice, you guessed it, he simply reacted regardless of who it was, Princess is his trigger word apparently.
Thanks for commenting
It's Dragon's Tooth I can bet it.
However, a good chapter nonetheless. The only gripe I have is...
Why in the world would FLUTTERSHY recruit the CMC to go into the EVERFREE FOREST to find Angel? To me it doesn't seem like something Flutterbutt would do. IMO I think it would be that Fluttershy told the CMC that Angel was missing and the CMC volunteered to go into the everfree and look for him. Just my opinion though
5865312 am excellent point, I was implying that they look for Angel; be it, around town, Whitetail wood, Sweet Apple Acres, and the like. It's quite possible that Angel led them into the woods. Or maybe they had checked at Zecora's. Still a great point though, keeps me on my toes.
And a good guess on the mark, close but I have something in mind
So the Mark (& my talent) has something to do with Protection & Dragons?
(Puts pipe in mouth, blows bubbles)
Intriguing... & if I may say, a mark that's likely to generate attention & commentary (though I got plenty of that already with yelling at a Princess & facing down a Hodag) & I just hope i'm ready for it.
Nice bit with Luna also. So the Princesses don't know (but might be able to sense) but I don't know that they don't know...
(Replaces pipe, blows some more bubbles)
5919609 (adjusts monacle) quite quite
Oh would you look at that, another chapter!
Sarcasm aside, this chapter wasn't bad. One thing i've noticed is that there always is a changing factor in the story on each chapter, while still going at a relatively slow pace. I like that.
The cutie mark? Well, sounds a lot better than my guess of a dragon tooth, and a couple guesses of the meaning, but i'll wait and see.
Best part of the chapter? Character progression(I'm Sorry) and foreshadowing the future(Luna dream). The only thing I would like at this time is a little bit more character done on Cozy and Sparks, i'm mainly saying this because Sparks says "I know that face"....what face? My curiosity sparked at what this "face" is and more of Cozy's notable quirks, the same could be said about Sparks.
Other than that, great chapter. ((Xenoverse is a really fun game I don't blame ya))
5922778 Well thank you! I do appreciate the time and care you seem to put into this post, it compels me to write more. The thing is I feel that despite what You (Flint) may think the ponies eventually win him over and in upcoming chapters he will change more and more till it gets to a point where he looks back and wonders "wait, what am I doing." Out in the small town life is more in his element, closer to nature. It will reach a breaking point and I can't wait to see what happens.
As for Cozy and Sparks, I admit that they were initially supporting OC constructs, didn't put much thought into them, but I found more and more that I liked them. In a sense they represented my personal experiences as a parent and teacher. They love their son, want him to be happy, but they are aware how odd he is, though they don't let on about it.
Thanks for the support! You Rock!
PS. I've been tinkering with ideas for cover art
5964415 in the works. I'm a bit distracted playing Xenoverse, but encouragement helps
5964783 Well that's good incentive for me to move things along. I'll see what I can do
5964861 yay, verily. Forsooth
I'm liking the story so far.
I wonder what Luna would have thought if she had seen the dream?
'Why does this colt dream himself as this monster from history? And how is it all so accurate?"
5993881 thankya! I am enjoying writing it.
5994589
Indeed, that might come into play
Yay! More Cozy and Sparks!
As much as this chapter feels like filler IMO, I love it just because it builds up these two characters. I was interested in who these two are and this chapter helps learn a little more about them.
The next chapter will probably be at school, with Cherilee and the CMC. I hope you do a little more with the CMC and hopefully more story progression(duh).
Can't wait!
6014382 Thanks for the comment.
Yeah, I admit this was a bit of filler but I wanted a glimpse into the home life, not to mention I legitimately enjoyed exploring their characters plus foreshadowing what was to come.
The next chapter is not to "paper" yet but I plan to start shortly!
Thanks for the support!
I just found this earlier today and I'm lovin this, the great dragon, the parents, the premise... You're doin great.
6019084 Thank you very much! I appreciate the encouragement and am glad you are enjoying it!
I was listening to this as I was reading.
Well after starting this story I gotta say I'm hooked more chapters plz
I like it a lot! This is coming from someone who doesn't like second-person stories!
That twist with Rumble was amazing. I really liked this chapter. :D
6116783 To be honest, I haven't read anything with Rumble in it, so I am tailoring his personality to fit my needs, though I am taking traits from Thunderlane, who I've been told is his older brother. Hopefully, fans of the character will understand.
Thanks for the feedback! Really appreciate it!
6116506 I'm glad! Welcome to the darkside! ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!
6116261 Thank you so much! I appreciate the support!
Nice chapter though I still want see his reaction if and when he meets Spike, who wants to take guesses on what it would be ?
6120386 oh there will be, it's not that far off
6120879 This is a really good story all things considered I like the first chapter. Written well and had a nice cliff hanger at the end. Good job man this deserves a like and a fave
So far, this book has got my interest. Keep up the good work.
6214322 Alrighty.
Looking forward to that inevitable bully conflict.
I wonder what relations the sustitute has with Diamond and Silver. Seems kind of sketchy. Maybe their blackmailing her? Or maybe she's friends with their parents?
6228666 she's Silver Spoon's Aunt. I touched on that.
Thanks for the comment!