Have you ever wondered what does the Cutie Mark Crusaders be like when they turn into teenagers?
Well.. Like every other filly of their age, they start to see colts in a new light. Girls, who found colts gross and mean sometime ago, find that they are now grown up and handsome, and they make the young fillies blush and giggle.
SAD marking for Scootaloo chapter. (Nothing too bad though.)
The story follows each one of the three CMC's, in their own chapter, that will tell how they met their very special someponies.
(Pic totally not made by me. All the credit goes to awesome KP-ShadowSquirrel
And thanks Cackle Tear, for coming up with a better title for my story!
Chapters (4)
Few grammatical errors, but awesome plot line!!!!!!
I'm usually not one for shipping O.C with cannon characters but this is amazing
I'm gravitated to the three frisky fillies because they're now Teenagers. Focus I would say to myself; don't read shipping's. They are dirt and stupid I would say, but then I resisted and checked this story, now after reading the description...I find myself eluded with delight, especially with the long opener, I can't resist long stories as they bring out a true story too me. I can't wait until you finish this story.
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Glad you liked it!
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Yeah when I was reading it. I found myself troubled with the overabundance of errors, like is trough a way of saying something bad instead of just saying trouble?
sounds good will give this a read as soon as i get back home
Um..... big issue. You need an editor. There are several places where the lines are being mixed and mashed to form incoherent blobs that need to be dug through to find any semblance of the intended message, AND you got the genders of some characters backwards in several locations. One instance is when Blue Sky was being introduced. Rumble asked "Are you Rainbow's Sister" but when Rainbow introduced Blue to Scoots, She said. "Meet my little Brother"
I suggest that you edit this thoroughly before you post the next chapter. And then edit the next chapter as well.
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Same mistakes happen to me in every story I write. I have a minor case of dyslexia, that makes me think faster than I can write, causing some words to being skipped.
do you have a pre reader?can i be it?pleeeeeese? i'm part of the proofreader group so i'm qullified
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Well I dunno. Have to think about it.
any one else think in' bout this sounds like incest? dash calling' scoots her sister,and sky is her brother
3364334 who's ab gonna be paired up with
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You'll find out soon.
i laughed so hard silently (i'm reading this late and i share a room) at
hugging the 'pillow' and how pillows don't make 'hugh' sounds, i swear my head almost exploded 
but really good overall, though i think you could use an editor (and yes i read your comment about your minor dyslexia) just to fix up some of the more obvious mistakes (eg. accidental gender swaps) but i cant wait to see who 
and
go with 
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Maybe I really should get a pre reader. Would really cut down the amount of errors, eh?
3364564 i think that would be a good idea, although, don't rush to grab someone, then realise that they completely change the story (it's happened to me, although not on here)
oh and p.s. sorry if the name tag thingie is wrong, im using touchscreen everything at the moment, so it might not be right
Two things.
that's just not right dude.
One, her father promises to be a better dad and then let's her spend the night at the house of her new coltfriend that he barely knows? You're doing a real good job there, ScootaDad.
Two, if Rainbow Dash is her sister then doesn't that make Blue Sky her brother?
Other then that, it was an ok story, the characters were pretty much in character. Just get those errors fixed and you'll be good.
I can't wait to see who Applebloom and Sweetie Belle get shipped with.
3364377have you thought about it
Need an editor? I can edit your work if you need it, if not i suggest checking your work for mistakes. Sorry it's just ima perfectionist and I'd like I see your great work with no mistakes instead of your great work with grammatical mistakes.
From what I've seen, it's pretty good. Might want to think up a more imaginative title though.
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Thanks.
I spent like thirty minutes trying to think of a good title, but didn't come up with anything :P
3364564me me pick me!!
I wonder how applebloom will go, pleeeeeeeease make it good.
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I'll do my best!
I'm gonna start by saying that you chose a really complex set parameters. Which in my opinion, is the mark of a good writer. Now for the breakdown. First and foremost, your characterization was spot on. The only possible true error I found in that area was that, as per the show itself, Sweetie Belle is portrayed as being a little slow on the uptake, like in Stare Master when she meets her friends' antics with a blank look at first. Of course, that's something that could easily change with age, not to mention she has also been shown to be more intuitive than others in different ways. But enough nitpicking, on to the harder stuff. I'm not sure how I feel about the idea of Scootaloo's parents having any part in her life aside from giving birth to her and then abandoning her or having otherwise been taken away from her by death or whatever else. But the abusive father angle does make for an infinitely better case when trying to make her out to have low self-esteem. And honestly, aside from the fact that it's all a little heavy-handed due to the fact that everything important happens pretty much throughout the course of a single day, I rather enjoyed this story. Length is almost always a plus for me. I like the brother tie-in for the OC, always makes the character seem more organic to the series. Good call on Scoot's cutie mark. The idea that Cloudsdale 'sells' weather is a bit odd, but I suppose it could be a contractor system. And last but not least, I loved the comparison of flying to swimming. Now, I read the previous comments and saw that you have dyslexia, which is unfortunate but not crippling. I suggest taking the time to go back and re-read your own story to make sure that everything sounds right before considering any work to be finished. Also, I've learned over the years that it can be easy to overlook your own small errors which is one benefit to having an outside party proofread for you. However, it is possible to proofread your own work, by leaving and coming back the next day, or even an hour later after having gone and done something else. This has the effect of giving you fresh eyes even when reading your own words. Now, I've seen that you've had some people offer their editing services already, but I would still like to do so myself, and would be willing to edit this first chapter and even just seeing them side-by-side would likely be of at least marginal help. Sorry, I couldn't resist, I just love helping ponies. Anyway, great story so far and I can't wait to see what you have in store for Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.
P.S. Almost forgot to mention, I thought of a title that would fit. Titillating Trifecta. Feel free to use it if you so wish.
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I think I won't use proofreader in this story, but I have longer one coming after this, so I'll remember your proposal.
(btw. Thanks for the fav!)
Dude imust've read this story about five time and i still love it cant wait for appleblooms story and then my favorite CMC sweetiebelle. :)
AWWW!!!! THIS WAS ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE!!!
I can't wait for the chapters for Applebloom and Sweetiebell.
I would like to see more chapters with Scootaloo and Blue though. They are absolutely adorable together and I wanna read more!
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Hey thanks!
Huh, it been a while since I've seen an AppleSpike. Nice job.
I love this story, absolutly amazing. now i have to read appleblooms story. cant wait for sweetie bells even though i havnt finished ab's
I cried and i got scared. i also love how this connects to real life things. abusive fathers. hope im never one of those
so in the first chapter with RD's wings, is this how pegasi get "happy"
A few minor, niggling issues here and there, such as spelling and formatting, but other than that, it's a nice story you have going here.
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Thanks!
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You know.. its like a wingboner or something.
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Thank you. Glad you liked it.
Do you have an EST in when Sweetie Belle will come out
that was a stupid move letting them spill the beans like that
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Probably in couple of weeks. I dont have anything big going on at work, so that shoud give me more time to write.
3441801 awesome thx for the deats
3438110 yep RD wishes she could have some of that
Almost done with Sweetie Belle! New chapter should be out in couple of days!
I loved it you should write some more about them!
I agree with robotsonmars you should write more about them. Or if you're going to do other shippings include them in there somehow.
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Maybe I will do something like that in future?
I loved this fic so much <3
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Glad you liked it
I LOVE THIS CHAPTER SOOOOOOO MUCH...................
THE FEELS ARE HERE, AND I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This was awesome and sooooo cute! I especially enjoyed two parts: when blue taught Scootaloo to fly and when she realized it wasn't a dream.
There is one problem I have to admit. The grammar really needs some work. You accidentally put gender words in the wrong spot multiple times which made it confusing at times. But other than that, it was great!
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I'm glad you liked it!
Grammar should get better in the later chapters though.
This was awesome and cute and adorable. I really liked it.
hey i had an idea! maybe you could make a miniseries for this