GUSTA

Twilight and Shining seem very flat in this story. Their characters have very little dimension, I think your story could stand to be more descriptive and delve further into Twilight's mind about these emotions she has for her brother. That being said, your grammar was good, just try working on making the characters three dimensional.

568026 Thanks for your honesty. I'll just let this one story slide. I guess i was just in such a hurry to get to the end. I still hope it was worth your while.

568042 Aw man! Cum on now. I already warned about the incest, so what's the surprise? Besides, it was my first clopfic and most of my other stories don't have sex in them. Don't shoot me down for one story. Have you ever fallen down durring your first attempt at ridding a bike? That what happened, but i crossed the finish line with a few scrapes. While your in the hospital, make sure to get some Oxycodine, it will ease the pain.

I love you, you insane bastard.

568073 Yeah, i was over the top, please don't take offense. Your comment was really funny by the way. Hopefully all this criticism will improve my writing methods.

568118 Sorry aboot that, yeah i have habit of misspelling shit when i'm drunk. I fixed the errors with ease. I even had my GF read this before i posted it. She musn't have been not paying attention. Back to the kitchen bee-atch!

I liked it, pacing needs a little work, and I'll echo the criticisms about word choice - but the framework is definitely there. Got a good laugh out of some of the word choices anyway, "sister rear" for instance, hilarious. I would caution against that example in the future though, if you want to keep moving in a serious direction. I feel that sort of thing is a common pitfall of amatuer incest fics, makes it feel cheap and rushed, as if the development of the characters' relationship was discarded for regular reminders of it in descriptors.

My thoughts. You've got a pretty good handle on this already, looking forward to more from you.

XD>>568042 Thats got to be the best comment I have ever read. XD

568042
Well done.

568410
Some people are just into it

images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110609170203/gyropedia/images/thumb/9/90/TwilightShrug.png/185px-TwilightShrug.png

568410 It's whatever floats your boat. No idea how it works, though.

And now after reading the roast I can say is...
I love you, you magnificent bastard.

Is it sad that I like the roast more than the story?

Forgive me father for i have sinned.

I actually liked this

no seriously it was fun

568049 It was a good read nonetheless. Next time, don't rush.

I asked, you told, I read, I thought WTF is this?

570509 Another typical Twystron500 fiction. That's all.

It's not perfect, but I rather liked it. If you worked on your grammar and took things a bit slower you could be one of the better clop authors around.

571509 I'll try harder, i wrote his in one hour, so i'll learn from my mistakes.

me gusta the roast part

Hmmm, while I do agree with the others about some phrasings and word choices, I more or less expected some silly ones from you. I enjoy incest when it is presented, like how one would enjoy escargot after eating it (it's actually not too bad). And I must say I was pretty pleased. I wouldn't mind seeing Cadence added into the action, either. Good job, man.

An MLP incest fic NOT about the Apple family? BLASPHEMY.

575349 Sorry, i guess i will try harder next time.

Y'know what? I now can't stop wondering what this would be like getting MST'd. A Roasted MST just sounds so tasty! This was more than just a barrel of laughs, and imma go abuse your archives for a while after suggesting that you request RatherHomely to MST this. The grammar is bad, the sex pretty much hilarious, and the set-up is so forced that it's like you had built a model ship (pun intended), and rammed it into a bottle two sizes too small. But it was still great! I just want you to know that I love you, and would be happy to edit your stuff for ya, if my five other business accomplices ever decide to go on hiatus.

575412 Please do! This is awesome! Do what you can to make this happen, because i've read the MST3Ks and loved them! Thank you!

why do you hate my brain cells! I love it

575412
Okay, Super BIg Mac, let's see what story you've asked me to MST this time...
Oh boy. Incest. Fun times.
But seriously...
575424
I've had to read a good deal of clop for MPPT3K. To your credit, this is one of the better ones (Of course, most anything beats Corporal Punishment.). Nevertheless, I'll echo my fellow what my fellow readers' sentiments and say that the grammar needs a good deal of work, the characters are OOC, and the fact that the subject material is an "acquired taste" doesn't help it in the eyes of the general audience.
But then the riff... Oh hell, that riff! First, serious props for absolutely destroying yourself. And second, that was actually really funny. If I may be so bold to say, perhaps you should skip the clop and just write comedy?
Anyway, I'll add this to my list of things to riff. Stay classy you two!

581690 Only if you stay thirsty, my friend, because YOU ARE THE MOST INTERESTING MAN ALIVE.

Now, I must be off... I got things to write, babies to save, and research to be done!

581690 Sir, I'd like to say first off that you are one of my favorite authors. I simply love everything you do. It fills me with joy that you have even noticed me. If this gets MSPT3K'ed, i might die from joy. Oh, and to reiterate Super Big Mac, YOU ARE THE MOST INTERESTING MAN ALIVE. Thank you.

581968
Wow, what a compliment!
Since college is out for the summer, I should be getting some serious riffing done. Hopefully I'll be able to get to your story before the start of the next semester.

582076 I'm not even trying to flatter you, it's just the truth. I've been watching MST3K for a while now and I love it. When i first saw your stories, my jaw fell off from sheer amazement. Best idea ever. Don't stop what you're doing: it works. Big time.

581737 Thanks for all you do. Happy writing.

582104 thanks for all you write. Happy doing.

582122 You're freaking hilarious!

582191

*clap*.......*clap*.......*clap*

You good sir have yourself a fine story here. Despite what some people say I loved almost everything about this story. Twilight seemed rather sincere in her feelings and Shining Armor reacted in a somewhat believable way. While some people say characters need their entire backstory described; I think that gives me the chance to:

A. Use my imagination
or
B. Use the knowledge I've observed from the show.

All in all it was a great read and I'll be sure to read some of your other works as well!

Rating: 5/5

584278 You have fantastic logic, impressive deduction, and perfect perception. Thank you.

>>Twystron500 and you're the master of compliments? I love polite authors!

609631 I don't know why! It just does!

653013 Some things, and some stuff.

“And I want to sodomize a toaster.”

Stay away from Glaze! He doesn't deserve it!

'Where he would drown his sorrows in donuts'

Best line EVER!!!!

to be honest I'm a 100% Spike/Twilight romance fan but this was very impressive, I'm down for it. Was laughing so hard when you dissed yourself...what is MST3K? And I enjoy your writing, I'm honestly hoping to write a Fim fic soon but first I have to watch the episdos first to not fuck up who everyone is, then I will write it. It won't be my first fanfic but it will be my first MLP: Fim fic for sure. Hoping to read more for you good sir.

P.S: Derpy is BOSS!!!!!

“How many Twystron500s does it take to change a light bulb?” She joked. “It never happened because he sat in the dark and jerked off to rule 34!”

Ok, that was funny.

722875 You do have sound logic: i personally think that incest, or, inbreeding for that matter, isn't that detestible in theory. I do believe that there is good reason that it's frowned upon in human circumstances. Having strong blood does have some nasty outcomes. Just look at Derpy here, probably too many fathers who are brothers also in that family. Then again, they are animals...

"Disco stick"... That's a new one.

787043 man, i was so drunk when i wrote this story, i was seeing double. sorry about that. I intended to fix those problems later on.

This was hilarious.

If I could favorite a chapter, this would be it

But in all seriousness, gg bro

So much roasting and burnage!!!!!! Sucks for you dude!!!!

1557548 I was so drunk when i wrote this stuff. Please forgive me.