i.qkme.me/2she.jpg

I'm not going to shoot this down, but you need to work on your grammar and word choice a bit. It's a great concept, but the word choices in some places caught me off guard, and made me giggle. Though, I must say that if you do a smidgen of tweaking to your style, you could do very well. All in all, I give it a 3.5 out of 5.

I'm sorry, I really tried, but every time I read "Shinning Armor," all I could think was, "Oh, you mean Shining..." "QUIET BOY! D'ye want tae get sued?!" dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png

Excellent!
We need more stories like this.

(Twilight Armor x Cadence threesome perhaps?)

img.ponibooru.org/_images/06becf81190ea39e1587feeba0401058/182566%20-%20animated%20artist%3Agoddesscelestia%20do_not_want%20shocked%20twilight_sparkle.gif

Incest, why do I find you so incredibly hot?

antics.wikispaces.com/file/view/gg-no-re_design.png/286755936/251x251/gg-no-re_design.png

What the... the fuck am I reading!?

“Shh,” Twilight softly interrupted. “I feel all our lives have been building up to a moment like this. Now, please take me from behind.”

Wow, I never laughed so hard in my life! How cheesy. xD

57 Paragraphs down

mfw
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“Oh Celestia, you are so beautiful.” Shinning groaned.
Molestia: "Don't I know it! Now harder, I think Twilight's falling asleep!"
-
........
This was actually rather hot, though on a story-note, Spike was just out running errands. How's he gonna react when he gets home?

(go wash your hands in bleach, it smells just like semen!)

I will kill you because of this sentence. Otherwise - great!

but, yeah, death is a thing

What da fu did i just read....... i think i need to read it again just to double check my thought.

****One re read later******

Sperm does smell like bleach.

578024
you actually clopped to this?
becuase im guilty

:twilightsparklelolface: OMG! It DOES smell like... WHY did I try that?

Sorry, think I screwed (heh, screwed) that up.
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.pngOMG! It DOES smell like... WHY did I try that?

576439
My thoughts exactly! I mean c'mon, I come home from work reeking of bleach from head to toe.

Now I'm going to be getting home thinking about how I smell like I'm covered in jizz!

da faq di i just read

Got to admit....I'm down for this. I'm an only child so I don't know what it's like to want to want to fuck your sister but it should not matter....we are all animals. My aunt had a female cat who had a litter of kits who then when one of the male cats was older fucked his mother and became a father and brother....very strange...but hey, those are animals for you. And they are animals in this story. Go Twi, GET SOME!!!! Although you got some grammer and spelling errors here and there.

I enjoyed this way more than i should have

“You’re my… sexy, little sister… and I love you more than anything.”

If this wasn't an erotic fanfiction about ponies, that would have been inexcusable.

That was something. Would have enjoyed reading it if it wasn't incest. Do your thing!
Link

>Shinning filled a couple of glasses
Shinning dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png

>feeling it’s firmness
>aneurysm from it’s intensity
Go learn some more grammar

>disco stick
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Pinkie_loool.png

609624>>609631 dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png

well i'll be damned. will never look at bleach the same again.

Wow, bleach does smell like that, anyway, good story.

Very good! I enjoyed it a lot. The poor grammar choice threw me off a bit, but it was a nice clop overall. 8/10.

“Shh,” Twilight softly interrupted. “I feel all our lives have been building up to a moment like this. Now, please take me from behind.”
Well...That Escalated Quickly.

Twilight. Do NOT put that in your mouth. You KNOW where it just was. JESUS.

Good story, if a bit abrupt in places. I just get squicked out by ass-to-mouth. It makes me want to get some brain-bleach...

....bleach....

Son of a bitch.

I gotta say it. You got some STALE-ass and boring dialogue. As stale as the french baguette I've been saving in my pantry for bread crumbs. Whole story seems like it was conceived by a drunken, tweaked-out crackhead who's recently discovered bath salts.

This this is truly just ultimately bad it's like a bad porn script seriously sex isn't suppose to be some mindless Hump fest it's a beautiful passionate sweet loving deep moment of passion shared between two beings or to sound not so poetic make it less like a porn script.

"With another well placed push, he sent his disco stick home, clearly being welcomed this time by her love socket."
This shouldn't of broken me as badly as it did. I had to stop and let the tears stop before i carried on, god i need sleep.

5401757

disco stick

love socket.

arousal.exe has encountered a fatal error and needs to close.

“Oh, Shining, tell me I’m you sister, tell me I’m your sister.”

correct me if i am wrong but this is a nice use of a joe dirt reference unless that was put there for no reason but this fic was..............

horny.exe has overloaded too many instances have been started