This story is a sequel to Obama Goes to Equestria
Not a trollfic, just perverse.
The humans had been coming to Equestria for a while. One, Barack Obama, had caught Twilight's eye. He told her of a world she could only dream of—a world of freedom and democracy. A world where people made their own decisions, and were not the playthings of a millennia old immortal who had long since shed her concept of morality.
Only one thing stood between her and that world. Princess Celestia.
So, she killed her.
Only one problem—Celestia never died. After hiding for two years, and letting the world crumble without her guidance, Celestia came back, split up the mane six, banished Obama to the moon, and resumed her tyranny with typical royal flourish.
She never killed them.
Maybe that wasn't the best idea.
Special thanks to my prereaders, LeoneHaxor and Chaotic Serenity for all their help with this series. I hope you enjoy finally seeing the fruits of all our effort.
Ah troll and clickbait. *starts the coffee maker*
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I have quite a big problem with your fics. I thought it was causality, but upon reflection that might not be the word for it.
There's a lot of stuff happening. Lots of drama and emotions and Ditzy's life has been HEARTBREAKING (I fucking LOVE your Ditzy, btw). Twists and turns and gut-punches and betrayals all abound.
But then you look at characters like Wall-Breaker and Darkness.
Darkness is a character that, from the looks of it, exists to be random as all hell and then die in order to get Ditzy to meet Matilda. Perhaps the fact that she exists for one purpose is a plot point, a theme that might be repeated - the very meta nature of your series suggests that it might be - but as of now, I just saw someone come out of FUCKING nowhere, reveal that she survived the bouncers, give Ditzy a plot point then DIE. I do not know why any of this happened. There was no foreshadowing, no reason to believe any of this might happen, it just came out of nowhere.
Wall-Breaker, likewise, exists in order to point out that there's a fourth wall, and OH MY GOD HE CAN BREAK IT. And yes, this series is meta enough for me to not be fazed by this. But at the end of the day, all we see is him coming out of nowhere and breaking the fourth wall, then doing something he said he'd do. He'll probably come up later. Maybe there'll be a great reveal that'll blow my mind. But to make anything pertaining to this character effective, we have to be given reason to give a fuck. I might trust you to ease us in, but I've read your other stories. You haven't done shit - your modus operandi is to introduce us to a character, give him one, maybe two, defining traits (Rarity is a rapist! Scootaloo's immortal! Celestia's fucking loony!), leave him like that, then (if you're not lazy) give us some reveal now that we still barely give a toss about him. The only exceptions which I remember thus far have been Soarin (in Soarin's Folly - my favorite of your series, btw; the reveal there wasn't as important as the journey backwards towards it, and we really get to see Soarin as a character), Ditzy, Obama and Luna. MAYBE Twilight, though I'm going to reread Obama goes to Equestria to recall. I'm also looking forward to learning about Cadance-Doctor. The Doctor technically doesn't follow this trend either, but if I'm remembering right he was kind of flat for the entirety of his fic - his growth consisted of him getting the living shit kicked out of him and then becoming a sex slave after failing.
The only reason I care about the stupid plot twists you have for your various characters and the insane metawank bullshit is that it informs the characters that I care about (namely Ditzy and Obama, since Luna's become insane and I don't think Soarin's a character here).
I can't call this a trollfic. It's too good for a trollfic. Plot-wise, and in terms of the characterization of a few characters, your series is GOLD. I love it when I get to watch characters I love grow. I love it when something unexpected happens, and seeing how my favorite characters react to it. It's just that when you do your stupid gimmicks and meme humor (CHUCK NORRIS KICKED OBAMA INTO EQUESTRIA, AHMG MOLESTIA ABOUND!), I view it as detrimental to the story rather than a good thing. Which sucks, because it's almost a defining trait of your series.
That said, I love the overall plots you come up with enough that I like your stories despite their numerous flaws. And Soarin Falling is a beautiful, experimental work of art. And Lavender Unicorn was intriguing. And Luna's journey in Come With me Luna was genuinely horrific.
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I must say, I think that's one of the best reviews I've gotten for these stories. Not many people read them all, and even fewer talk about their problems in such detail. As I write, I'm going to try to address some of your criticisms. I'm not sure how well I'm going to do, but I will try.
Good characterization is something I consistently struggle with, and I'm trying to improve at it. I completely agree with you about Darkness—I was actually thinking of cutting her entirely, and I probably should have. As for everyone else—hopefully I can develop their characters more in this story.
Most of the characters you like are the ones I'm going to focus on. I'm surprised you got attached to Soarin and Obama, though. I felt like Obama was extremely dull through Obama Goes to Equestria, and Soarin's Folly was written extremely quickly. (I wrote a couple chapters just hours before publishing them. It's making me consider writing this story at a much faster pace, that's for sure.)
The memes and meta-nonsense are kind of here to stay, though. Sorry. That's just how my sense of humor works, and it would be quite awkward for me to try to write otherwise. I'm glad the serious parts are good enough to basically offset that, though. And if it's any consolation, this story's going to get quite serious. The stupid parts should at least be spaced out more. :p
Anyway, thank you for reading this far, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.
Okay, the story is about Obama yet chapter one has absolutely no Obama. I feel lied to and cheated.
5827788 That happened with the last story also. Be patient. Obama will arrive soon.
Congratulations! You've ended up on a Twitter account I was stalking today that features "hilarious and/or horrifying" excerpts from Fimfiction! https://twitter.com/fimfictiontxt/status/580084047562481665
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Stuff like this is what gives me the motivation to keep writing :p
Well. That was sadistic and depressing.
I think it's safe to fave this rather than just track it now.
5945537
Thanks! I was actually kind of worried you gave up on my stories in frustration after that review. :p
MotherFUCKER. The fact that I KNOW this will all go to shit in the next chapter (and I DO know that. I know how you work, you son of a bitch) just makes it all the more painful.
Well fuck. That got dark.
6019401
If it's any consolation, this story takes place at least five years after the show, so in that sequence, Diamond Tiara would be around adult age.
…or wait, did I do my math right? 10 + 5 is…
.........
Shit.
Guess that was a little darker than I thought it was. :|
What the FUCK, Celestia. You psychotic BASTARD.
And what the SHIT, WALL BREAKER.
6066414
Hopefully they're starting to seem less monodimensional. I've been trying to work on that. :p
I actually decided to draw out the arc a little longer when you said everything would go to shit the next chapter, haha...
6068254 Celestia is actually a really interesting character, though I can't tell if it's always been that way and I didn't notice or if you just made an effort into making her more interesting. I mean, she's completely and totally evil/insane, but she's also shown herself to be intelligent and not just powerful (that goddamn pre-murder lecture), and she cares about her subjects, even if it's only insofar as they affect and portray her.
If they fuck up, she cares, because that means her enforcers look weak.
You've put a lot of thought into her (or maybe I'm projecting a lot into her), and it shows. She isn't monodimensional, though she might appear so at first and second glance.
That said, I would (not saying you should - I haven't actually written anything yet, so I can't talk) write a scene wherein we see what the average pony sees of Celestia. Or from the perspective of an enemy.
Or, better yet, a scene from her very eyes.
Because the best way to see who a character truly is that I've noticed is to see her through the eyes of a bunch of completely different viewpoints. Especially her own.
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I've been planning to develop her character more for a while now, I just have not been able to decide how. She's kind of the whole point of the series, so I'm glad something's finally working. :p
About points of view…
I think we've gotten a pretty good look at what Celestia seems like from the point of view of a normal pony, or an enemy. In fact, I'd say that's been what the entire Obamaverse has been up to now. I mean, the first Obama story is a comedy about the mane six trying to kill her. :p
I'm not sure about a chapter from her perspective. She's so completely insane that it would be… far less entertaining than you think it would be, honestly. I would try to explain why, but I kind of want to get it across in the story instead.
She is going to get a lot more screentime coming up, though. And I think the viewpoint from which that will happen could reveal even more than a chapter from Celestia's perspective.
If you think about the timeline for the series, you might be able to figure out what I mean. :p
What.
Also, despite how rediculous the premise is, there's a lot of serious, thought-provoking talk going on - even if it's a bit obvious for a philosophy lesson. Consistency isn't necessarily honesty is right, Applejack.
Edit: SHE AND APPLEBLOOM. Not Her. she.
Ima need to look this over for spelling errors later. How many have I missed over my enjoyment of the fic?
6093687
Thanks! That's always kind of the mood I've been aiming for in these stories. :p
And I fixed the typo. If there's any others, let me know. I've been writing some of these chapters very quickly, and I imagine quite a bit has slipped through… :\
That...
Metawank bullshit. But also above-average metawank bullshit. And the interaction between the characters and the fourth wall is written in such a way that the fourth wall feels actively antagonistic rather than just something used for 'randomness'. It's a form of functional omnipotence, but one that has limits - limits that can be taken advantage of. They aren't well defined to the reader just yet, but they're defined enough that it's clear that they've got a definition.
Me likey.
That said, while I think AppleJack is smart, I don't really think she's well-read. Seems out of place for her to use tropes and stuff to her advantage. And while I love how she circumvented the Fourth Wall, I think that the weakness is more a quirk of your writing style than stories in general. Have you read Fugue State? It has verses and lines of music interspersed among the prose.
6199008
Thanks. To me, it's probably going to be one of the more memorable chapters of the series, but I was worried all the shenanigans were going to make it nearly incomprehensible for anyone else. :p
The fourth wall is not something I'm going to include often, though. In fact, for those trying to decipher the series, I'm actually going to clear this up definitively:
Aside from its prophetic abilities, the fourth wall will not play a major role in the plot.
So, don't worry. The series is not going to end with everything being Biden's dream or something. I don't want people barking up that wrong tree when they try to guess where the plot's going.
It was just kind of a one time thing I did for this arc, because I wanted to write a character that used the fourth wall villianously. I tried to include the fourth wall in a way that was compatible with the rules of branching timelines and alternate universes I'd already established, so hopefully I didn't contradict anything. :p
I have a couple headcanons about this, which I forgot to work in. :\
The main one was that her and Joe spent some of their free time talking about their interests, and she picked up some of that stuff from him.
But also, I can imagine Twilight rambling on about the role of tropes in literature to her friends occasionally, and Applejack, while being bored to tears by it, remembering the gist of it.
And, whether well read or not, the mane six have read at least a couple MLP fanfics if only for the vanity factor. I mean, what would you do if you found out a bunch of aliens were writing fanfiction of you? :p
I haven't, and I actually don't really like music interspersed with prose. I kind of included those songs in this chapter to demonstrate how awkward it is. :p
(I briefly considered reproducing the entire 99 Bottles of Beer song, but I figured that would be too obvious. And annoying.)
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You might think I wrote myself in a corner there.
But, of course, as usual, I wrote both halves of that scene at once, so no :p
Okay before I start my "pre-reading" comment: I have yet to read this story or its prequel, but my initial thought is "lolwut, this has gotta be good." I shall let thee know what we think after finishing both.
6244706
Assuming I'm correct that .GIF is from "Supernatural" correct? Because that looks just liek Dean Winchester.
Fucking hell.
Something I dislike about this story recently is that there doesn't seem to be much foreshadowing or causality in anything that happens. It goes from 'Sweetie adopts Scoots' to 'Sweetie dies seventy years later' with no causality in between. It just happens.
It's like you've got a checklist and you're ticking off events one by one without thinking how each event relates to one another.
It's most prevalent in this arc.
6334007 It stopped being a troll fic while ago, so don't expect one.
6334463
I'm also pretty displeased with how this arc turned out, and I'm planning to rewrite large sections of it. Not sure when, though. I'm thinking of taking a pretty long break between Act I and Act II, and during that time I might clean up Act I.
Sometimes, when I hold myself to a tight deadline, I'll think of good ideas at the last minute. That worked good enough with the Applejack arc, but here, it kind of failed. :|
Technically if DT's mature enough to kill, torture, and probably genocide people while working under an evil omnipotent dictator, she can't be held to the same standard as a normal 14-16 year old.
So we have Obama, Hilary Clinton, and Donald Trump all in Equestria. Well then.
6754075
…the implication presumably being that there is some age at which it is perfectly pleasant to be raped by Donald Trump? :p
Haven't read, but is this line included:
6991124
I will make a note to include it later. :p
6991136 I.
Well okay.
Should be "sapient" and "sapience" regarding Vivace. :)
7103758
Oh my god finally a comment yay!
…
*ahem*
Anyway, I looked up both words in some dictionaries. Sapience seems to describe the exceptional reasoning capabilities humans have, while sentience is more broad, and just describes being self-aware. I intentionally chose sentience, thinking being self-aware was more important than exceptional wisdom in this case, in addition to being a more common word.
I'm open to changing it, but you're gonna have to sell it to me a little more, since I think it would make some of the dialogue sound awkward. ("Trust me, I may not have fur, but I'm more than sapient enough to—"…?)
On a different subject, how are you enjoying the story so far? Presumably you didn't just skip to the latest chapter? :p
7104477
Oh, fair enough.
Whenever I see someone call the ponies sentient I can't help but compare them to my sheep, while not dumb, I wouldn't say they are on the same level as a human which these ponies are.
Of course, if you feel that "sapient" would disrupt the flow I wont argue against you and I'm rather fine with it.
Oh, the story? I don't read anything on this site, I just browse chapters for "sentient" or "sentience" and tell the author to replace them.
Jokes aside, I love this series. It fits my humor perfectly.
Things are getting more and more interesting, thanks for updating this!
DUN DUN DUUUNNNNNNNN!
7320520
Thanks! Stay tuned, because the plot should pick up a lot more after this.
There's a lot of hints, foreshadowing, and red herrings in this chapter, so read carefully :p
7323979 More fish other than Vivace?
I better keep an eye out, then!
7325167
............
The one spoiler I don't mind giving:
Not literally.
:p
7326177 That's a pity, I like fish.
I still can't believe a story about Obama being in Equestria turned out to be like this.
7375392
I... can't either lol. I've actually thought of calling the series something other than "the Obamaverse," simply because Obama plays a fairly minor role in everything. I haven't been able to think of anything good, though :p
This is a surprise. What's Obama doing in this story?
... What? He's been in the story all this time?
The moon is hurling down towards the planet.
I think I know where this is going.
I'm guessing the next thing that would happen is Celestia foils his plan, blow his mind with another not-quite-tell-all monologue, then either torture/kill him. Then its up to Ditzy, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash to save the world. They come up with a plan, Celestia is almost defeated but still manages to foil their plan, then tell another slightly revealing evil monologue, either kill/torture them. It would be up to Pinkie Pie then, there would be a glimpse of the future where the dome is shattered, Pinkie overlooks the scene and says "I am now become death, destroyer of worlds" or something.
The thousand that read There is No Luna should have checked out this series-spanning novel you're working on. Speaking of novels, have you got one published? You would really make it big IMHO
He's back!
7383265
Yeah! Obama's appearances are timed to be as irritating as possible :p
7382239
Is that a reference to that one Zelda game I've never played since I never had a Nintendo 64? :p
I have not been professionally published. I am considering trying to write a real novel after this, though.
To be honest, I actually prefer working in other mediums. Or at least self publishing in some capacity. I feel like if I broke into the professional publishing industry, the first thing that would happen is that I would get an editor and they would be all like, "Okay, you have potential, but we have to make everything less weird…" :p
7384213
Oh, I don't think it was irritating, in fact, I was wondering when he would make a return.
I have a N64, and a Zelda game. I think it's Ocarina of time. So, when are you coming over?
NO!
I don't find Obama even worth writing a trollfic over.
*now THAT'S some serious dislike*
Nice read, good to have you back! (Where the hell have you been?)
Ahem, I feel a little as that might have been directed towards me. :D
..I did not even consider translating it to find out.