- Member Since 19th May, 2012
- offline last seen January 3rd
Perfect Prime
Saw a lot of FanFics on EQD, so I decided to make an account for reading them. Got my exams in a few days though, so I probably won't do much for a few days. Can anyone actually see this?
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I looked at the other version, wasn't half bad, too extensive of a vocabulary, however.
I'll give this version a look
EDIT: Celestia dammit! My tired-ness got the best of me to realize that you could've just edited it like Dimondium said...eh...too late now, I suppose...
510122 Ditto.
509928 i tried to dumb down the vocab like you said but i couldn't actually change that many words. If you have any specific ones let me know and i'll change them. Thanks.
510122>>510255 sorry...
510945 Sorry about vigour, I'm British and fairly certain that's why I keep spelling it like that. I can change it if you think I really should, and I'll get to work on replacing the words you've mentioned at some point (Can't right now. Got too much homework
) in the near future.
I also don't understand the last part of your comment, "And if you can read it in a british accent and sound like some sort of genius narrator, it's gotta' go." could you please explain? Thank you..
510979 Alright, alright. No need to be patronising. You don't need to mock the Asian :P The way I read it will be different from the readers though, so is it really a necessity that I change it in that sense?
510999 Alright, I see your point. I'll keep that in mind when I edit this further later. For some reason though, I feel drawn to the second one. Maybe it's just me
I'm a bit scared...
Pretty good though. Also I don't mind the more complicated vocab used. It makes it different from some of the other FanFics that you find on the sight.
521169 niiiice. Cheers. Glad you thought it was ok!
Nicely written
There are a few small errors, but not too many that I couldn't understand
I understood it quite easily
It's was a great read, especially the part as they made it a game.
I especially like the signature, the chess pieces.
Nicely played, my good sir.
524239 If you don't mind, could you please tell me what the errors were? That way I can edit it out and fix it so it's easier for others to read. Cheers
Okay, so in the second paragraph, "Brilliant" was capitalized, somewhere towards the bottom you spelled esophagus incorrectly, and that's all I remember so far. I'll read over the story again to see what I forgot, but there weren't that many
So, overall, 5 mustache Spikes for you on content
5 on how interested I was and was kept
and 5 for how well you portrayed the characters
I'll start re-reading this, but it'll probably take a while. This was a 2 day read for me ;-;
524291
Sorry for making it long.
fixed the "brilliant" thing-can't believe I missed that. Also I didn't misspell oesophagus it's the British spelling 
but sorry for the confusion.
Thank you in advance for intending to read through it again for mistakes. Sorry for the inconvenience. Guess my proof-reading wasn't that great.
No worries,
For any stories and stuff, copy and paste it into Microsoft Word, that's what I'm going to do on my writing assessments when they come
Sometimes it doesn't work, so I'll read it over, too
Thank you, good sir, for putting this wonderful piece of literature on the internets.
We thank thee.
Ttfn!
524355
I did in fact do that, but maybe I didn't see one of the green/blue lines so I might have missed some things out. I have my MSW set on english UK, so that would explain the british spelling of words.
Also, I appreciate the compliment, and I thank thee.
WE GIVE THEE WELCOME.
(you're welcome)
524549 If there was a like button like on facebook, we would like that comment.
WE ARE GRATEFUL THAT YOU APPRECIATE US.
(thanks that you like!)
Not to oversimplify this, but was it not obvious that Pinkamena, even though she's Pinkie/Pinkamena and can outrun Rainbow Dash, show up everywhere, know everything, and break physics and the 4th wall regularly, really had no chance against an alicorn in a showdown?
Excellently done, although a tad cryptic in places, and with a rather predictable outcome. 8 creepy Pinkamenas out of 10.
535624 good enough for me :)
U TOOK MY AVATAR
This was unsettling and long, but I still enjoyed reading it. It was not my favorite story, and it disturbed me some, especially the very beginning, when it started out during an event. over all, it was enjoyable disturbing feeling. Good job!
1889240
This was my very first story so you can see that it's not my best work. I am currently working on another Pinke-centric Grimdark mature fic, so hopefully it'll be a lot better than this.
I am actually ashamed of this story...
1891460 This is not a terrible piece of work. It was great,considering that this was your first piece, and I really enjoyed it. It was well written and deep, and a good story, not to mention a great first start.
Really wish this got some kind of sequel or something, though I know that would be difficult. It would be really interesting to see the origins of these two, how they started their killings and such. How they live their normal lives as killers, how it might affect everything else, and how they may interact with each other outside of killing. This could work as a sort of longer story, and I would be really interested in seeing something like that, albeit more actual dialogue would be much appreciated.