Chapter 8 A House Divided
"Mother is dead."
"NO!!!
Thunder Hooves screamed out in blazing emotional agony, a primal and fearful scream that echoed throughout the hive mind.
"She can't be dead sh-she just can't be!"
"But we can't hear her in the mind anymore Thunder, the only thing that could mean is that she's...
"Then we can't just sit here just hiding anymore then can we!?"
Thunder Hooves slammed his front hooves in to the cave wall as he continued to shout.
"We have to march! Together we are more than strong enough to take that monster down!"
"No we are not! He defeated the queen easily and without breaking a sweat, he would wipe the floor with you and the defence force. Besides mother wouldn't want us to risk our lives in a mad scheme of vengeance!"
"Well mother wouldn't of wanted to die! I don't care if that monster is stronger than us, we have to take it down. Brothers and sisters of the defensive force! Join me in training and we shall grow strong enough to avenge our mother!"
"NO! we cannot take that risk Thunder! Even if you could defeat Discord you would starve long before then. Can you not feel it? With mother gone we can no longer reach the element of kindness!"
Complete silence reigned over the hive, as most of its inhabitants were still in too much shock to think clearly much less respond, so Flora continued.
"We no longer have an unlimited supply of food! if we don't focus on gathering and conserving emotions we'll all starve to death!"
"But we can't just keep hiding anymore. We have to do something!
"We have to hide! we have to survive! It's what mum would want..."
"WELL WHAT'S THE POINT OF SURVIVING WITHOUT A QUEEN!? I'M LEAVING TO GROW STRONGER AND AVENGE MOTHER, THEN AT LEAST I'LL BE DOING SOMTHING FOR HER."
"ANYLING WHO WANT'S TO JOIN ME, MEET ME AT THE EXIT TO THE HIVE!"
Thunder hooves stormed off, his mask of anger and frustration slipping slightly as he thought about his queen, his mother...
And how horrible life would now be without her.
Still, he left the hive behind and struck out into the open world.
Then, there were only three advisors left.
"He just doesn't understand, we need to focus on food now. Everyday more and more children are born and we have to be able feed all of them..."
"We can't..."
WHAT!?
"We can't keep feeding so many changelings, especially with so many more being born! There aren't enough infiltrators to gather enough emotion to feed them all. The only way we can survive is...
"Don't say it! Please don't say it!"
"...We have to kill the spawning pools..."
NO! I won't let you! If the spawning pools are destroyed that's so many changelings that will never get a chance to live! So many changelings that won't be born just because we thought we couldn't support them!"
"What you is say is simply wrong, if you keep the pools up and operational, all of us would die from starvation. You keep talking about what mother would want, well mother would want us to live, even of others may not."
"No... you are the one who is wrong, mother would find a way through this. Mother would save all of her children, even the unborn. She... she... mother would fix this.
"But mother isn't here now and none of us can take her place, none of us can do what you claim mother would be able to do, you just have to accept that and move on-"
"No! We can do this that way mother would have wanted! The way it should be done! It won't be easy and it would take time..."
"Time we no longer have Flora, time we squanderd because we thought mothers time would last forever... But we wrong. You just can't accept that can you?"
"..."
"*sigh* I hoped you would be able to see reason, but it seems like so many of our hopes my little fantasy of you seeing sense has been destroyed. I'm leaving the hive and I'm taking any lings who want to do the same with me. We cannot survive with your stupid plan and you don't seem to want to change your mind any time soon. Since we both disagree on this then the best solution is obviously for us to part ways."
"...fine..."
"Its settled then, I'll take any lings who want to travel with me."
"I don't hate you Flora, you just aren't strong enough to make the right decisions in times like this. I hope that if we ever meet again everything we will be alright and we'll all be living happily again..."
"...But for now, without the queen, that is nothing but a lost dream."
"Goodbye Flora"
Silent Wing began to leave the hive... And many of the infiltrator's followed in his footsteps.
Then there were only two advisors left.
"Well at least you haven't abandoned the hive Primrose... Primrose?"
"Mother will be home soon..."
"P-primrose you know that mother is-"
"MOTHER WILL BE HOME SOON! MOTHER WOULD NEVER LEAVE US!"
Flora finally noticed Primrose, she was lying on the floor shivering and shaking wildly as she babbled nonsensically into the hive mind.
"Everything is going to be fine. Everything is always fine when mum is here! and mum is always here! so everything is going to be fine!"
"...M-mother always comes home..."
Then there was only one advisor left who could run the hive...
"Flora? Can you hear me Flora?" A tiny voice called out from the hive mind.
Flora recognised it as that voice of the smart little changeling Aurora. So after collecting her thoughts as best she could, she responded.
"What is the matter little ling?"
"Why... why were you and the other advisors fighting so much?"
"I think... because none of us could truly agree on what mother would of wanted to do now."
"But, if you all care about what mum would of wanted so much. Why did you do the one thing we all know she wouldn't want you to do?"
"Wha... What do you mean little ling?"
"Mother would want all of us to stay together. No matter what happened."
"... you truly are the wisest among us child, to remember our mothers truest ideal even during these horrible time, If only we all could of remembered that..."
"Now... it is too late."
Flora finally broke down into a painful sob, her emotions running wild and reckless as she cried in to the darkness...
Truly, no Changeling knew what should be done now.
They were lost without their queen.
Lost without their mother.
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7539683
Yeah, after a quick skim, I noticed a few more problems myself.
Ooh! Mind if I open a google doc with a copy/paste of the first two chapters and comment on things there? It'll give me a much needed break.
7539850
I would greatly appreciate that. If its my permission you're looking for then you have it.
Celestia knows I need all the help I can get.
7539860
Sweet.
I'll PM you the chapters once I'm done then!
Hooray it's back. This is wonderful, I'm so excited....
WHAM right in the feels.
good chapter but excuse me while I have a sniffle in the corner
The main issue I noticed was a lot of examples of 'should of' and 'would of'. The correct words would be 'should've' or 'should have'.
7539951
No that's... definitely not the issue. That mistake isn't even that bad because it sounds like what you'd say.
The real mistakes are the ones that you have to read over again, like the comma splices, the lack of commas, the incorrect word usage, the incomplete sentences, the awkward sentences, the mid-paragraph change of speaker...
Okay, I'll stop now. It actually feels a bit rude to list all the mistakes, now that I think about it.
i like it and how dare you killed the queen please bring changeling queen fluttershy back to life
Sad.
7540030 shes not dead
7540189 okay
7540030
In short, 7540189 is correct. These events are happening during the Season 2 opener. Discord has just turned Fluttershy into Flutter*****, and severed her connection to the hive. The various Advisers don't realize that she is still alive, and as such are making panicked decisions without thinking things through. I highly suspect that both deserting factions will be absorbed into Queen Cheese Leg's army to enact her plan to
I was in the middle of making a reply, but my ride showed up early and I couldn't send it.
completely****over the entire Changeling race by presenting them to the world in the most negative light possibletake over Equestria....oh, and Primrose may be permanently broken. Time will tell.
7540357 ok
You asked us to comment on your writing. To be honest I'd rather have something than wait till its perfect. There are some mistakes but they're not bad and the chapter is far from unreadable.
YES UPDATE.
See, you only mistake not having a "someone killed the head, now what?" contingency plan. Poor Fluttershy, never was the scheming type, the schisms here may be quite difficult to recover...
Keep going! ;)
well there's this:
also this:
Love the story, a minor nit pick. Where is Trixie, she could have held the hive together. The gramer ist bad.
One of the best stories I have ever read.
7539860 Hope to read more soon
This dead?
7910118
A little too early to panic, don't you think? It hasn't even been close to a full year since the last update. Half a year, true, but not a whole one yet.
7540189 Yeah if he killed her I mean really killed her I might just hide for days.....................
Well, you just left us with a cliffhanger.
And now it seems dead.
Eternal cliffhanger?
Can’t wait for the next chapter keep up the good work
....DAMNIT NOT ANOTHER UNFINISHED ONE *growls* why is it all the good stories never get bucking finished....
The worst part is how they often seem to stop at clifhangers.
7539860
yo
why's this story unfinished
it's got a good synopsis
i'll add my opinion of the story itself in a bit
If this ever updates I'd love to read the end.
when will next chapter be out?
It is 2020 where is next chapter?,is she gone?
10114730
Last logged in mid-2018. I fear that the author has moved on.
woo the author logged in 7 hours ago.
YAY!
But wait,she can write now?Or just online for mistake?
Recent author activity: Detected!
Hype level: Tempered.