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You've seen the elements of harmony in action, the six bearers being best friends, and the ponies that have been the focus of My Little Pony for a whole two seasons. But what do the ponies seen in the background do during the adventures of the mane six? Read here about six ponies with conflicting personalities as they try to become friends and go on amazing adventures.
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Hi, I'm from the forum where you posted your fic on, so here I am! Let's get started right away!
You have a pretty interesting writting style, things go pretty fast, a little bit too fast at times, it keeps things fresh and makes the reader want to read further, it's easy to read and pleasant to the eye so you did a good job on that!
You also have a nice way of approaching scenes from the series itself, like when they're talking on the bridge and seeing Twilight running by or when Lyra went after Twilight, it was easy to imagine from her point of view.
There are some negatives however, the intro is a bit too sudden, what's going on? Later in the story it has been clarified where this is, we're at a scene from the very first episode when they stand on some bridge if I'm correct. This could be done a little bit sooner through describing the surroundings a bit, the reader can then form a better image in his head and get a general idea where we are. Also, if I remember correctly, there were 3 ponies instead of 2 when Lyra waved at Twilight?
The second point, Amethyst seems to be convinced a bit too fast, her best friend is leaving so suddenly and she seems to shrug it off and doesn't really care, a bit more emotion could be put into this scene.
Other than those 2 things, it's a nice start, and you said this was your first fic, and to be honest, I'm quite suprised, it was enjoyable to read and was of higher quality than expected, kudos! I'm certainly looking forward on your future works!
Oh and if you're wondering who I am, I go under the name of "Shadowmover" on the forum.
Thanks for replying. I suppose I'll edit the fight between Lyra and Amethyst to make it longer and more dramatic. At the time I was only thinking of trying to get past the scene to something that didn't put me down.
The part where Lyra waves, it's only those two. I checked the episode to get things accurate, and the three ponies are there before the Lyra wave, when Twilight is asked if she was going to Moondancer's party. You can go ahead and check too if you want.
Love your story so far it has promise but that docent mean anything till you get a rhythm down
its nice to see some background pony love. tracked.
Hmm... That's strange. It's too bright out for the stars to be coming out.... she though.
Thought.
But yes, interesting premise and since Lyra is heredl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png
yay!
background ponies FTW
this looks good! hurrah for background poniez
She had been so absorbed in seeing everything that she had payed absolutely no attention to anything that Bon Bon had said.
The sea-foam filly hesitated for half a second and The mint coloured pony thought about
After a few seconds f being unable to see, shapes began forming before her.
She could just barely make out a strange creatures hat she didn't recognise.
Lyra would need up with either no home
In was somepony.
I'm Lyra Heartstrings, now, I'm sorry, but I have to talk to someone.
Bon Bon dragged her up to the front door when she wasYet another obstacle stood in her path to victory, the white mare staggering up to her.
As Mayor of Ponyville, it is my great pleasure to announce the beginning of the Summer Sun Celebration!"
Nobody knows
1. Paid.
2. Umm... care to decide on which colour she is?
3. Of.
4. That.
5. Umm... huh? I don't understand...
6. It.
7. Somepony.
8. Umm... what? Did you miss out on a few words here?
9. Forgot your opening quotation mark.
10. Nopony.
Now then... ... ... ... Nothing to really say except to move on
wow i completely forgot i had favved this story lol
Hello, horse-being!
"I'm a little confused about the dream. Did she get shot by a human in the dream? also the doctors dialogue is perfect.
It's find, I knew what I was doing when I 'dialled you up', which by the way is a surprise to me
It looked brand new, or at least, what she thought was bran new
Now Sir Doctor, breath your last breath!
Nightmare Stasi began to charge
1. Fine.
2. Brand.
3. Breathe.
4. Umm... Moon?
Q: I'm confused as to how NMM thought she could change the timeline. if she knows the Doctor shows up again, why even try?
A: Wibbly wobbly
868096
perhaps she thought it was a future regeneration he was in, or that he returned to his "true form".
So any way, here's the next chapter. I was a bit reluctant to add too much Whooves, but I made do with what I had. In case anyone was wondering, I actually do a bit of research on each episode to see what the background ponies are doing. I didn't want to write an episode about Lyra Bon Bon and Derpy trying to get tickets to the Gala, so this will do. I was originally going to have this episode be one chapter, but I don't want to keep y'all waiting like I always do, do I'm splitting it up and releasing this today. Hope it makes you happy and enjoy the story.
Love it. This was done great
Great job as always. :pinkie happy:
This song is relaxing. Watch it in a new tab.
Lyra used Lyre. It's super effective!
How didn't this fic get more popular? It's well written, good-hearted, and plain fun. Plus. it has the Doctor in it. I hope you consider picking it up again.
1160854
I'm still writing, I'm just on a trip to Korea, and have very little chances to write the next chapter or even post. I probably should have blogged it, but I never actually got the chance. Plus, I'm working on another story.
I haven't even read it yet but it sounds awesome!
( I found a picture like that and had it as my background for 2 days now <3 )
So the doctor is human here? Interesing
Interesting~ I love it.
I hate my life. It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to cram a story into only one or two chapters. This is sort of good for you guys because you get a longer story. I guess I'm going to be posting three chapter episodes, since one chapter per episode seems to be failing miserably.
1253271 you and your cliffhangers shuld BURN!!!!!!!!!!
...im just kidding, but please get the next chapter out......please........
I felt physical pain at that last line, how could you?
and vinyl landed the tardis ontop of crescendo.... like a boss
1253835
Are you reading my mind?
Good work for hitting the feature box!
Congratulations!
why is noone interested in asking this question? why is the doctor so interested in rope? why does he talk about rope so much? does he love rope?
1253983
Who doesn't like rope?
1254132 if your obsessed with rope then your a little insane, dont you think? of corse right now im obsessed with popcorn...
OK, you take forever to update this and then you leave us on a cliffhanger?!?
FUCK YOU ASSHOLE.
usually cliffhanger don't bother me but THIS IS THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!!!!!!!!!
I am enjoying this so far .
And its your fault that i want to watch Doctor Who now .
Uhh... Ears?
1256465
Hmmm. No, I'm pretty sure I meant wars. Octavia has lots of wars that she carries around with her.
I also spotted another spelling error of mine that I need to fix when I get home.
"... with your friend, Vinyl Scratch."
i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc185/Strikeninja95/black_guys_laughing.gif
ALL THE COLORS OF FRIENDSHIP COMING TOGETHER IN A DOUBLE HELIX! THATS HOW FRIENDSHIP WORKS! NOW, FINISHING MOVE! SUPER, GIGA, FRIENDSHIP!! BRRREEEEAAAAAKEEEEERRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh and also, Lyra: DOCTOR, WHAT JUST HAPPENED? Doctor Whooves: HAHA, I HAVE NO IDEA!
Since a fish with a hat and monocle was mentioned...
desmond.imageshack.us/Himg11/scaled.php?server=11&filename=gentlefish.jpg&res=landing
1260624
totalbuiscate the fish version of the british commentator
1260911 I imagine you mean this?
i.imgur.com/lmHCr.png
1260624
Oh hey, you found my Desmond. I've been looking all over for him.
1261196 Yay I helped
1261122
um...yes and he looks scary in that picture like he is about to muder someone with the only colorful thing in the picture (the rose)
1262974 It's a godfather parody.
1264690 total biscuit is used as a godfather parady? does the godfather kill people?
1264811 I ain't gonna spoil the Godfather for somepony who hasn't seen it. Watch the movie, it's amazing.
1264819
So how would everyone like a Godpony episode?