The day before, Lyra left the ceremony to head for Sugarcube Corner. Surely a milkshake and a few cupcakes would make her feel better, right? She could even pick something up to give to Derpy when they meet for her inevitable apology. The unicorn's head drooped and her ears flopped downwards while she walked toward the gingerbread building. The door gave off a shrill squeak when she pushed it open, alerting those inside. There weren't very many ponies in the establishment, but a few had already returned and were already either working, or eating sweets.
She trotted past a blue colt and up to the counter where she proceeded to plant her face before letting her hind legs give out, leaving her with the appearance of a ragdoll falling off a little filly's shelf.
"Hey Lyra!" came a voice from in front of her. She did not bother to loook up, but from the oh-so-happy tone, it could be none other than resident party pony, Pinkie Pie. "What's got you so glum, chum?"
The only thing that could be heard as a response was a muffled complaint and a whimper.
"Aw, don't be such a saddy-waddy! Why don't I get you something on the house? How does that sound?"
As long as the mares face remained on the countertop, more mumbles would be the only thing that anypony would hear from her. As Pinkie danced her way into the back room, the door squeaked open to make way for somepony. Not just anypony walked in, but a pony that was searching specifically for Lyra.
"There you are Lyra, I've been looking all over for you. Why did you leave?"
Bon Bon
The candy-maned earth pony trotted up next to her downtrodden roommate and placed a comforting hoof on her back. "Are you sad? I can't quite tell, but I think you're sad."
You don't say? Lyra tried to respond, but the counter blocked her attempt to communicate and replaced the sarcastic message with; "Mphm mmh hm."
"So... Is that a no?" Bon Bon asked.
Her roommate groaned while lifting her now pretty flat face off of the glass counter. Her brows furrowed in the middle, showcasing her grumpiness to the oblivious Bon Bon. Pinkie Pie jumped through the kitchen doors, a green tray following suit, bouncing on her fluffy pink mane. On top of the tray swayed a pink-frosted cake with a tall strawberry milkshake frothing over and onto the tray.
“Here ya go! Now cheer up, Applejack is helping me bake tomorrow, and we’re going to be giving out free samples to everypony!” said Pinkie before turning her head to face Bon Bon. “Oh, hey Bon, you’re not coming in tomorrow, are you?”
Bon Bon shook her head. “No, Pinkie, It seems that Lyra is sad, and as her friend it is my job to cheer her up in some way.” She forced a smiled while putting a hoof on Lyra’s back. Her face once again slammed against the countertop. The two co workers stared. “This may take longer than a week.” The pink pony grinned in understanding while returning to the back room. Bon Bon looked down at Lyra.
“Why are you sad, Lyra?” she asked. A more direct approach than normal, but it was effective in getting an answer.
“I mistakenly insulted Derpy and she ran away,” Lyra quickly explained in a monotone voice.
Bon Bon, having lived in Ponyville all her life, knew Derpy fairly well, as did most of the town and knew about most things ponies insulted the wall-eyed mare for, and knew exactly where all her problems stemmed from. She frowned, though Lyra who was solemnly slurping on her milkshake did not see. “Lyra, I’d like to tell you a story, and I’d like you to listen carefully to what I say. It should shine some light on the situation,” she said. Lyra did and said nothing.
Now, where should I begin? Well, when Derpy Hooves came to Ponyville, she was actually liked greatly. In fact, she was one of the most fun ponies that anypony had ever met. Everypony in Ponyville knew her as one of the fastest delivery mares ever seen. But one day, that all ended. Derpy was on another delivery, same as always, on an unusual route that led her from Ponyville to Cloudsdale to Canterlot and back. Not too soon after leaving Cloudsdale did the accident happen. She was speeding between clouds and past birds, easily dodging each obstacle in her delivery path. It came as a blur. Almost like a rainbow zooming straight through the air. She was able to narrowly dodge it but was unable to keep herself from a headon collision with an apple tree. When she returned to Ponyville she was unable to fly in a straight line, though, nothing else seemed to be wrong. It was the eyes that were the problem. Everypony in town made fun of her from then on.
“And how is this supposed to make me feel better again?” Lyra asked. Now lining the counter were three new milkshake glasses in addition to her first one, all empty. Three plates were stacked up on one another with nothing on them. Lyra tossed one more small bit of cake into her muzzle which was covered in nearly three layers of cake frosting.
“Oh, um...” Bon Bon began, “It was just a small history lesson. For the record, did it help?”
Lyra groaned in response and angrily trotted off, stomping her way out the bakery doors and into the ow filled streets. Bon Bon quickly left the establishment to find and follow Lyra, but found it a harder task than was expected due to the now numerous ponies. The unicorn mumbled something to herself that was too quiet for anypony other than herself to hear while pushing and shoving her way through the crowd. She wanted to just get back home and lock herself in her room until everything smoothed itself out in about one hundred and fifty three days.
She kicked a small pebble that lay on the street out of her path, sending in flying to the side of the street. As was normal with insignificant pebbles, it simply had to be important. Had the pebble been a sentient being, its actions, though remaining the same, would be controlled by its own will. But no, it did exactly what it did without any choice in the matter.
The pebble found its way into the axle of an apple sales cart, a red stallion with a bandage wrapped around his chest currently stationed at it. Being ready to go home for the night, he tried to push the cart towards his family’s farm. It was the pebble’s time to shine. The axle it had jammed itself into stopped. He pushed harder. The wheel chose not to budge. Mustering all the strength he could with his current injury, he shoved the cart, causing the wheel to come flying off. The wheel glided through the air and into a sign for the local Wagon & Wheels Emporium, which itself fell onto a wooden plank that was precariously balanced atop yet another wheel. A barrel on the other end of the plank was sent barreling through the air.
CRASH!
Lyra did not know this, but by kicking the pebble out of her way, she caused a chain reaction of untrustable wheels that ended in her being hit by a barrel that sent her barreling through the streets of Ponyville and into the wall of her own house.
The next morning, Lyra found herself in immense pain. She slowly opened her eyes to a bright light. The window was open and Celestia’s sun was shining through it. She was in her room. Next to her stood Bon Bon. She smiled.
“Good morning Lyra. I trust you had a delightful rest.”
“Ugh... My head. What happened yesterday?” she asked her happy roommate.
“I don’t know. After you left Sugarcube Corner I couldn’t find you. I returned home to find you surrounded by wood bits lying in my rose garden.”
That explained the scratches. Then her memory of the day previous returned to her. She kicked a rock and was assaulted by a barrel. Dumb barrel, she thought. Dumb rock. Just my luck to have this happen-
That was it. It was just her luck. Nothing that happened yesterday was Derpy’s fault. She felt bad before because she felt she was just adding flames to the already burning fire, but her revelation this morning showed otherwise. Lyra was wrong, and she had to fix it. She had to fix everything.
A light breeze that danced between the leaves of the trees in the surrounding area the sounds of birds chirping added to the delicate atmosphere of the situation. Lyra's amber eyes beamed directly at Derpy's, a frown gracing her face. Her roommate nervously looked up and eagerly awaited the pegasus.
She fluttered down with downtrodden eyes that chose not to meet Lyra's own. When she touched down there was an intense silence that lingered for a slight moment. Derpy scratched at the ground with her hoof.
Lyra sighed. "Derpy... Look, I'm very sorry for what happened. I really didn't mean what I said. It was just getting to be a bad day for me. Whenever something bad happened to me, I- I blamed it on you. That was wrong of me. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"
Another moment of silence. It seemed as if her apology would never be accepted and she would soon be losing one of her best friends since she came to Ponyville. As she began turning to leave for home, two hooves wrapped around her. Derpy leaned sullenly over her shoulder with tears dripping from her mismatched eyes. "Lyra... Thank you."
The mint unicorn returned the tight embrace with teary eyes. The moment held for nearly half a minute before they broke apart; both mares eyes shone to be filled with tears. Bon Bon, who had merely been watching finally cracked under the raw emotion.
"BWAAAAAAAAAH!" She bawled. "It's jus-just so touchiiiiing!" The tears streamed out like surging waterfalls while her friends stared at her. "I don't usually get this emotional, but that was b-beautifuuuuuuuullllll!"
Lyra and Derpy both smiled, their smiles leading to chuckles, and soon enough became full blown laughter. Derpy put her right hoof around Lyra to keep herself from falling to the ground.
"Hey, Derpy, would you like to go to Sugarcube Corner? I hear Pinkie Pie and Applejack are giving away free samples. Muffins, I think."
"Muuuufiiiins! I'm in, let's go!"
Dear Princess Luna,
Today Derpy and I went on a grand adventure. Not an adventure to far off lands or scary forests. No, this was an adventure of the heart, an adventure of the soul...
I don't think the whole letter is necessary, although I think I prefer more length to the chapters. It allows for more depth to whatever you chose to happen, or at least I think it does. Does it? I'm assuming shorter chapters means you need to find breaking points more quickly which means shallower conflicts to allow you to reach that breaking point, but that doesn't account for cliff hangers... idk whatever you decide is fine
Not a bad chapter. I can't say I prefer one style or the other, so do whatever you think is comfortable!
1779735
Recently, I've tried releasing chapters quicker, resulting in chapters just under 2k words. Releasing chapters about a month at a time results in more or less 5k chapters. I want to know if the shorter chapters are worth the shorter waiting time. So far in the two longer chapters there were more cliffhangers, and in the most recent shorter one the chapter breaks were just transitions.
Also, I like letters. Letters are cool. I don't care if it's a stupid concept, I find it cute.
about the chapter lengths, as much as i like faster updates, short chapters sometimes disappoint me, since I'm a fast reader. however, i've thought of a neat little compromise. Good ol' Slice of Life bits, such as this, always seem nicer when short, so those would work better being short, while the exciting, action pact stuff, like the chapters with the Doctor, (god i hope im not confusing fics.....) those are better being longer, so the flow isnt interupted. no one minds commercial breaks for a comedy, but you dont get up during Die Hard. (i like that comparison, if it helps explain what im trying to say)
1779840
That sounds like it could work. Also, not every adventure action part will be based around the Doctor. I don't want this to be an entirely Doctor Whooves based fic, but more of a well rounded one. Either way, that's a nice little idea. I'll just collect a few more opinions.
1779902
I actually like Matt Smith. Not so much in the later episodes, but I really liked his first season the most. Though, I have to agree that David was the best Doctor, and I think can write him a bit better than I could Smith.
Lol what a big F U to Lyra. Its like the world telling her "It wasn't Derpy's fault: your life just sucks!"
Dem wheels. They simply cannot be trusted.
As far as the episodes have a consistent length, I don't care how you update. As for the letters, I'm fine with just a simple premise. For example, what you did here was fine imo. As long as it's obvious what comes next (which it more or less is). Looking forward to more!
out the bakery doors and into the ow filled streets
1. Now.
As for the chapters... go with what you feel is right, that is all I can say. (and also another lame ass excuse for saying; I'm sitting on the fence)
I don't mind either way, usually, though this chapter felt a bit short and unsubstantial. It's more of a "feel" thing, yanno.
Don't mind only having a hint of the letters, it's a bit more fun just to imagine their meaning without their exact content getting in the way.
1779778
I actually do like the letter concept, and I would probably love the whole letter being added, but it depends on what you interpret as a friendship report. For example the ones narrated at the end of the actual show are a nice length and mostly a summary of the moral, but in my head I always imagined Twilight giving massive Twilight worthy reports within the letter that we don't see. When you said whole letter I included my own interpretation from the show into what I thought you meant. I like the part shown in the show, because I like trying to analyze the show and disect it for the Twilight worthy report parts I didn't hear, but I like actually hearing Twilight or the others saying they learned something. Gosh I'm bad at explaining this aren't I? I guess I'm saying a little longer would be nice as long as it doesn't get so long that it fills all the important bits of the "report" part in... Does that make any sense at all? Sorry if this is coming off as critical... I know I do that sometimes without meaning it...
you do not want to eat those muffins
1788365
Oh, hello Derpy Hooves. How were the muffins?
1788425 Fine for a gut used to muffins that have caught fire under my watch, but Lyra will need a stomach pump...and counselling
1789468
And to you too.
please do what suits you best. I love your story pacing.
I like on how you reflect the characters: I say quality over anything else.
so take you time.
1780713
You know, I just realized (three weeks later) that you kind of get annoying, but at the same time, I love you and am glad you are here doing this because I need you since I have no one fixing these errors beforehand.
Am looking forward to more.
Well...that's a fail for Lyra And NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO, DON'T EAT THEM MUFFINS!!!!! Well this is going to be bad, I love this slice of life fic, it really warms the heart, poor Lyra though, getting attacked by burells, that's a fail
1896286 I am here to please (Or in this case annoy)
"Lyra did not know this, but by kicking the pebble out of her way, she caused a chain reaction of untrustable wheels that ended in her being hit by a barrel that sent her barreling through the streets of Ponyville and into the wall of her own house."
The GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie warned you, Ponyvilleans; wheels are not to be trusted.
DAMN IT RAINBOW DASH! WHY YOU FUCK DERPY'S LIFE?!!!
The wheels have joined the barrels!!!
2150876 That means Trixie and Felix will have to team up to fight this new threat!
Awwww!