"He forgot me, Tavi. He forgot that we were friends."
Octavia happily lived with her family in her house in Canterlot. But thanks to a family tradition, she moved to Ponyville. Soon enough, through a series of hectic events, she got involved in a plan to throw a surprise party for Time Turner, in an attempt to make him remember Derpy. But then a strange event happened at the party, which caused Time Turner to gain old memories and slowly forget recent memories.
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I have to say, it certainly was an interesting read. The idea is great (Of course I would say that, I pretty much have a similar story), but you have a problem with pacing. Things go by a little bit too quickly, and it gets a bit confusing since half the time I'm not entirely sure what's going on. The writing itself isn't bad, but methinks that you could use a bit more meat and descriptiveness.
Other than that, it looks fairly good so far, and I look forward to what you might come out with in the future.
Sold not
Also you may try and rewording some of your sentences they sound rather awkward.
The story is interesting, but it's riddled with spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. I would suggest getting an editor before getting too far.