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Featured 2-2-15!
Completely unexpected o.o
Rarity discovers a vague note from her younger sister, presumably confirming her worst fears. With Sweetie Belle facing the worst grounding she's ever seen in her life, Rarity sets out to get some answers.
(Rated Teen for very suggestive dialogue. The story will feature nothing dirtier than innuendos.)
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Context makes all the difference.
(By the way, you have a blank Author's Note...)
5576997 O.o I didn't use the Authors Note this time...
The apostrophe s is superfluous.
Extra space.
Extra space.
I cannot stop laughing at this.
The rare Rarity ahegao in a makes an unprecedented appearance in a non-clop.
Extra space.
The "ly" is superfluous.
Rarity's mind is so dirty. For some reason, she reminds me of Dorothy.
~KBO.
5577521 Oh, someone else posted possible corrections and points of improvement.
Thank you kindly. I've been doing that all bloody morning long for a bunch of other fimfics.
5577521
Actually, the S could have been legitimate (some people do say "heavens"). The apostrophe, however, is all kinds of wrong. Wrong wrong wrong WRONG
5578893
5577521
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw6133-tumblr_m4jeq81K1T1r2kw8v.gif
I'm genuinely in shock this got featured. I only wrote it for fun not expecting anything from it at all o.o
5578330 Making corrections is compulsory for me.
5579934 You're basically my unofficial editor at this point, I appreciate your corrections!
5577521
To quote The Princess Bride. "You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means."
I know what you think you meant – that the apostrophe-S and the "-ly" in those examples are unnecessary. However – "superfluous" means "unnecessary" in the sense of "excessive", "more than sufficient", or "more than is required", not in the sense of "incorrect".
Superfluous would be something like this:
The second part of this sentence is, in fact, unnecessary because the fact that Rarity's knocks were "louder" is already implied by them having "more force" – but that's a stylistic choice; it isn't incorrect to add that detail to the sentence if the writer wishes to do so.
The examples you cited, though, are actually grammatically incorrect; the first one is turning a plural noun into a singular possessive, and the second one is incorrect because "suddenly" is an adverb, which describes a verb, but the next word after it ("glances") is a noun, so it requires an adjective. (Rarity's outburst is drawing what from the passing couple? Glances. What kind of glances? Sudden glances.) So, they're not "superfluous" – they're just plain wrong, i.e. grammatically incorrect.
(This is that "pandic"... um... "pendal"... y'know, that thing Twilight's always doing, right?)
(The word is "pedantic", darling. And yes, yes it is.)
(Heyyyyyy... I am not pedantic, I'm just... detail-oriented, that's all.)
(Ah'm pretty sure that's th' definition of the term, sugarcube...)
5579862
A few other corrections:
Don't capitalize pronouns like "she" in dialogue attributions. Remember, these aren't two separate sentences; this is a line of dialogue followed by an attribution, which is always treated as a single sentence, no matter what punctuation the character's dialogue ends with before the closing quote mark.
"Bakery" should also not be capitalized here.
(This, by the way, is a good example of something "superfluous."
There really doesn't seem to be any reason to introduce an entirely new bakery in the story, and it's actually a bit of a jarring detail to throw in because it immediately raises the questions of why would Pinkie open up a new bakery in direct competition with Mr. & Mrs. Cake, and what happened to Sugarcube Corner.)
10/10!
5580202 You have given me a lot to think about...
Got a chuckle. You pass.
Not quite sure why there's a dark tag on this, I didn't see anything dark about it, but, it was definitively funny.
5581542 There was originally gonna be a LOT of sex jokes but I cut most of them out
5581807 Ah, well, even then, sex joke don't usually make something dark, unless they're ones about rape. But, stories still good, and funny.
5586699 it sets up the absence of some of the characters so I don't have to explain where they are
later. If you don't agree with it feel free to ignore it.
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
5603775 I refuse to even attempt EQD anymore. This here is my absolute best story of everything I've written, and underwent countless proofreadings and edits to become as flawless as possible. it's also about my second or third most popular story, look at that like vs dislike ratio!
And EQD still wouldn't take it because it wasn't good enough.
Seriously, if you can't drawn and can't animate, EQD basically says 'well f**k you then'. I'm done with them.
... Clever.
5604399
OMC! Saw the link to that story, and I have to read it ... right after Context 2. But seriously they wouldn't accept that fic? Then yeah EQD is the suck. Even more than a sloth strapped to a vacuum cleaner.
Is it weird i feel nothing after reading this ?
Sorry, I'm not sure if this one was pointed out already.
That ending.
Though, let's get this fixed.
There's a space too much before 'parchment'.
6036214 Damn! That's Neko's job! NEKO, Y U FAIL ME
Thanks though!
You know, the existence of carousels in ponyland makes absolutely NO SENSE AT ALL. Unless they only have those dumb benches that no kid ever rode on.
My fucking sides! XD