The Worst Possible Thing
It was several years following the conclusion of what would be known in an alternate timeline as 'Friendship is Magic', and Ponyville as it had become known continued to grow and flourish. New alliances formed, and friends slowly moved apart. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy had both moved to Cloudsdale, the former as a Wonderbolt Trainer and the latter wanting to rekindle an estranged relationship with her parents. With the rest of her family still in Ponyville to mind the farm, Applejack had moved to Manehattan to begin her own business specializing in fruit pies and jams, and the other three remained behind in Ponyville. Although Rarity had recieved numerous offers in which a move to Canterlot would make her job easier, she had grown fond of her friends and remained where she was; paying a little extra for shipping on deliveries instead. Heavens knew she could afford it.
The Crusaders were well into their teenage years now, and nearly full grown. Rarity's own dressmaking business still thrived, although the former Element Carrier who ran it was now a little older. The first threads of gray had secretly appeared in her mane last year, though with dedicated trips to the spa and no small amount of hair dye she guarded her secret fiercely.
Rarity was on her way to Sweetie Belle's apartment on the other side of town. She didn't have any particular meeting scheduled, but wanted to surprise her younger sister with a visit and some freshly baked confectioneries from Something Sweet, the Bakery that Pinkie now ran.
Rarity moved up the front steps and knocked upon the door, the box of pastries floating next to her tied with a simple string. There was no answer. Rarity knocked again, this time with more force and was subsequently louder. Still no answer.
Huffing, the unicorn picked the lock with her horn and made he way inside, wanting to be sure that everything was alright. The thought that Sweetie Belle might simply 'be out' never crossed her mind.
"Are you home, darling?" She called. "It's Rariteeeeeeee!" She sang this last bit. Again there was no answer, and she frowned, setting the box of pastries on the table next to an open scroll. She looked first left, then right, then down at the writing on the parchment. Well, seeing as it was already open...
Hey, Belle, you were totally right! He IS really fun to ride! Never thought anypony could have so much fun with a bit of wood. Nothing quite like having him underneath you, is there? Meet me back at the warehouse around noon this afternoon, maybe we can both ride him at the same time!
-Scootz
Rarity's face had gone paler and paler all the while she was reading this, and by the end of it her heart was beating so rapidly that she thought it was going to explode out of her chest. "Oh.... oh... OH!" She moaned, falling over backwards onto the floor with a sudden crash. She stood up, glared at the furniture, then fell over a second time, this time her horn lit up, pulling the cushioned chair underneath her as she fell onto it.
"My baby sister, waltzing around with some stallion like a common... tramp!" She exclaimed, throwing her hoof over her forehead in dismay. "Why me, why me, Celestia? Where did I go wrong?"
On a sudden impulse, she glanced at the sundial by the window. It was only a little past noon!
"I can catch them!" She leaped up suddenly, rubbing her forehooves together. "I can catch them, and Sweetie Belle will be in the worst trouble of her life!" She decided, and raced out the front door, which slammed itself behind her. She skidded to a halt out on the front sidewalk, thinking.
"Warehouse... warehouse..." She thought. Ponyville was a small town, and there was only one real warehouse out near the outskirts, but it was in a dirty part of town and hardly anypony ever really went there unless they had to. Perhaps that was why it seemed to make sense that her little sister would be tramping around out there, nopony would think to look for her!
"Well, we'll just see about that!" Rarity declared out loud, drawing suddenly glances from a passing couple on the street, whom she glared at. "What are you looking at?" Rarity snapped, and they hurried on their way. The unicorn galloped at full speed down the street, the nice furnished apartments eventually giving way to the dirtier, bare apartments with their outsides covered in graffiti. Rarity blanched in disgust as the wealth classes became poorer and poorer the further she ran.
"I'll be out of here in no time," Rarity told herself over and over again. She didn't want to be here any longer than she had to. She stopped only once by a shivering young stallion wrapped in a ripped old blanket, dropping several bits into the battered cup between his front legs.
"Bless you, kindly," the stallion said, and Rarity was on her way again. She made her way to the warehouse, an old building surrounded by a thick wire fence. The only way in was through a wire gate in the corner of the fence, which she kicked in with a powerful burst of her back legs. Those lessons from Applejack all those years ago had paid off, it seemed.
Rarity only slowed down once she was actually inside the building, and her heartbeat quickened as she saw Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle standing in the dim light, talking excitedly in hushed whispers. Scootaloo pointed around the corner, and Sweetie Belle nodded, before the two took off. Rarity followed at a distance, not wanting to confront them until the perfect moment. She waited until there was the sound of laughter several minutes later, drew a deep breath, and charged around the corner.
"A-HA!" Rarity declared triumphantly. "I KNEW-" she froze, the speech she had prepared melting from her lips.
Sweetie Belle was seated on the frozen horse of an old, forgotten carousel, her hooves wrapped around the wooden shaft sticking out of its back. Whatever power had once since activated it had long since been disconnected, so Scootaloo was pushing the base slowly around in a circle, prompting the gears and pulleys to make the horses rise and fall.
"Rarity!" Sweetie Belle almost screamed. "What are you... how did you... this isn't what it looks like!" She protested. "How did you..."
Rarity was still trying to process what she'd found, and sputtered weakly. "Your note said..."
Sweetie Belle gasped, and jumped down off the wooden horse. "You read my mail?" She said accusingly, then another thought occurred to her. "You broke into my apartment?!"
"Well, I... it was only because I was worried about you, darling," she began, but Scootaloo cut her off with a shake of her head.
"Not cool, Rarity, not cool."
"I can't believe this..." Sweetie Belle said.
"You three have always been so well behaved," Rarity began again, trying to earn some points back, but this only brought a laugh from Scootaloo.
"Do you even remember when we were fillies? We were anything but well behaved," Scootaloo said. "Look, we found this old carnival ride, we just wanted to mess with it. That's all. It's fun."
Sweetie Belle was furious, and stormed past the both of them back towards the door. "I've never felt so violated," she said, and Scootaloo trailed behind her. Rarity turned to follow them both, still protesting.
When the door slammed behind the three of them, Apple Bloom and Rumble slowly peeked out from behind the carousel, where they'd been making out.
"You think they saw us?"
"Nah."
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Context makes all the difference.
(By the way, you have a blank Author's Note...)
5576997 O.o I didn't use the Authors Note this time...
The apostrophe s is superfluous.
Extra space.
Extra space.
I cannot stop laughing at this.
The rare Rarity ahegao in a makes an unprecedented appearance in a non-clop.
Extra space.
The "ly" is superfluous.
Rarity's mind is so dirty. For some reason, she reminds me of Dorothy.
~KBO.
5577521 Oh, someone else posted possible corrections and points of improvement.
Thank you kindly. I've been doing that all bloody morning long for a bunch of other fimfics.
5577521
Actually, the S could have been legitimate (some people do say "heavens"). The apostrophe, however, is all kinds of wrong. Wrong wrong wrong WRONG
5578893
5577521
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw6133-tumblr_m4jeq81K1T1r2kw8v.gif
I'm genuinely in shock this got featured. I only wrote it for fun not expecting anything from it at all o.o
5578330 Making corrections is compulsory for me.
5579934 You're basically my unofficial editor at this point, I appreciate your corrections!
5577521
To quote The Princess Bride. "You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means."
I know what you think you meant – that the apostrophe-S and the "-ly" in those examples are unnecessary. However – "superfluous" means "unnecessary" in the sense of "excessive", "more than sufficient", or "more than is required", not in the sense of "incorrect".
Superfluous would be something like this:
The second part of this sentence is, in fact, unnecessary because the fact that Rarity's knocks were "louder" is already implied by them having "more force" – but that's a stylistic choice; it isn't incorrect to add that detail to the sentence if the writer wishes to do so.
The examples you cited, though, are actually grammatically incorrect; the first one is turning a plural noun into a singular possessive, and the second one is incorrect because "suddenly" is an adverb, which describes a verb, but the next word after it ("glances") is a noun, so it requires an adjective. (Rarity's outburst is drawing what from the passing couple? Glances. What kind of glances? Sudden glances.) So, they're not "superfluous" – they're just plain wrong, i.e. grammatically incorrect.
(This is that "pandic"... um... "pendal"... y'know, that thing Twilight's always doing, right?)
(The word is "pedantic", darling. And yes, yes it is.)
(Heyyyyyy... I am not pedantic, I'm just... detail-oriented, that's all.)
(Ah'm pretty sure that's th' definition of the term, sugarcube...)
5579862
A few other corrections:
Don't capitalize pronouns like "she" in dialogue attributions. Remember, these aren't two separate sentences; this is a line of dialogue followed by an attribution, which is always treated as a single sentence, no matter what punctuation the character's dialogue ends with before the closing quote mark.
"Bakery" should also not be capitalized here.
(This, by the way, is a good example of something "superfluous."
There really doesn't seem to be any reason to introduce an entirely new bakery in the story, and it's actually a bit of a jarring detail to throw in because it immediately raises the questions of why would Pinkie open up a new bakery in direct competition with Mr. & Mrs. Cake, and what happened to Sugarcube Corner.)
10/10!
5580202 You have given me a lot to think about...
Got a chuckle. You pass.
Not quite sure why there's a dark tag on this, I didn't see anything dark about it, but, it was definitively funny.
5581542 There was originally gonna be a LOT of sex jokes but I cut most of them out
5581807 Ah, well, even then, sex joke don't usually make something dark, unless they're ones about rape. But, stories still good, and funny.
5586699 it sets up the absence of some of the characters so I don't have to explain where they are
later. If you don't agree with it feel free to ignore it.
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
5603775 I refuse to even attempt EQD anymore. This here is my absolute best story of everything I've written, and underwent countless proofreadings and edits to become as flawless as possible. it's also about my second or third most popular story, look at that like vs dislike ratio!
And EQD still wouldn't take it because it wasn't good enough.
Seriously, if you can't drawn and can't animate, EQD basically says 'well f**k you then'. I'm done with them.
... Clever.
5604399
OMC! Saw the link to that story, and I have to read it ... right after Context 2. But seriously they wouldn't accept that fic? Then yeah EQD is the suck. Even more than a sloth strapped to a vacuum cleaner.
Is it weird i feel nothing after reading this ?
Sorry, I'm not sure if this one was pointed out already.
That ending.
Though, let's get this fixed.
There's a space too much before 'parchment'.
6036214 Damn! That's Neko's job! NEKO, Y U FAIL ME
Thanks though!
You know, the existence of carousels in ponyland makes absolutely NO SENSE AT ALL. Unless they only have those dumb benches that no kid ever rode on.
My fucking sides! XD