you're and your are not interchangeable

"That may be so, but we don't run around naming our towns Humanville..." I said with a chuckle.

OOohh... Reeaaallly?
Check this out: bestplaces.net/images/city/humansville_mo.gif

5218356
At the height of creativity in all our years on earth, we still ran out of names and actually used Humansville?
God, I love being a member of the human race!

5458511
5220272
5218356
There's also Footville, Wisconsin...

And the strangest shit yet just happened... Twilight smiled wide again like earlier but this time it made this weird "squee" sound like I am dead ass serious right now... This bitches smile made a noise just now! What the hell is wrong with this place?

And that's when I lost it lol.

5584791 don't forget, BIG FORK, ARKANASAS (AR)

5458511
SAME here...i can understand ponyville...as that doesn't sound as bad.

5218356 OK WHO THE FUCK NAMED THAT TOWN!?

Celestia eats a lot? She's probably a fat princess...

Nah bruh... she's not fat, just full figured.

fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/065/8/4/grand_princess_celestia_by_two_ton_neko-d4rybv5.png

So, plucking this from my read later to give it a whirl, as Humans In Equestria are somewhat of a guilty peasure for me. Starting out, I'm very glad that this story, and this chapter specifically, are quite old due to all of the issues and errors contained wtihin. It's not quite to the 'drop it like it's hot and fucking run away' point, but it is quite cringeworthy at best, and hard to read due to an abundance of errors gramatically.

To start with, this DJ fellow is an ill behaved little upstart who seems to want to regale us with his internal monologue consisting of little more than 'Shit this, shit that" about everything he bumps into. He's rude, and even worse... he is so flat as a character, he's like cardboard. I find myself hating DJ after just this one chapter, and I am truly hoping that you have been using all of this time since writing this chapter to improve, as you definitely have plenty of room to do so.

The gramatical and structural stuff is equally distracting. Even your capitalization is woefully wonky here, with random words being capitalized, and then others that should be completely passed over. You abuse ellipses (the triple period) quite heavily, and your portrayal of thoughts is done in a manner that, half the time, I think DJ is actually speaking for a moment. In short, you'd probably cringe, I'd imagine, but also rejoice, at seeing this chapter, as I'm hopeful that you have come a long way since it. If you have the time, I'd suggest a rewriting or heavy editing of thesse introductory chapters, as the first chapter, which is supposed to pull a reader in, is instead repelling them, or not giving a good enough reason to continue reading the story. Just my two cents for you from reading this one chapter only thus far.

I love it so far and can't wait to see whats next.

humans were just an old foul's tale

foal instead of foul

for me aswell

as well
You also need to work on your capitalization

The main guy is kind of a twat but I'm thinking he might improve as a character in future chapters. But all in all not a bad start, will keep reading.

No sex? Fuck this. (Jk) Idk...do i like this? Meabye, so far so good.

Am I in some kind of fucked up fanfiction?

Yes...

Really like this but the Authors Note made me sad: "The main character is more or less kinda like me but not really.. So this is far from a self insert." God i fucking hope hes not like you, because in this chapter, at least, DJ comes across as such an insufferable little cunt. Will read on with interest either way.

Ya know, DJ reminds me of Holden Caulfield, who is also pretty messed up in both mentally and on the outside.

This is pretty hilarious, with all the curses that is. But how did DJ know about the "Royal Seal" when he saw the scroll for the first time?

Holy ellipsis, Batman! Also you might want to go over this chapter again with a fine-toothed comb. There are a handful of small grammatical, and spelling mistakes.
Other than that it was an enjoyable start.

5218356 Huh...

"That may be so, but we don't run around naming our towns Humanville..." I said with a chuckle.

Humanville

"That may be so, but we don't run around naming our towns Humanville..." I said with a chuckle.

Actually, yes we do, Humansville, Missouri.
http://www.landsat.com/town-aerial-map/missouri/map/humansville-mo-2933706.jpg

5218356

Pffft... Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah HAHAHAHAHAAA HOOO wait... Fuck my life were retarded

Dame this first chapter was great can't believe I waited this long to read it. I like it a lot you have me again.

6421446 maybe he didnt know

Just.... just have my thumb and favorite, this is a total delight to read. HAVE ALL THE THUMBS!

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6817823 that's badass dude

In the letters to Celestial the second one

"Dear my faithful student"

.
You my want to move "my" or drop it.
Like

My dear faithful student

.
Love your so much I am reading it again.

6817823
Wow... Dude you have a lot of time on your hands.

Your reference to fat princess has bestown a like upon your story. Thats awesome!

"Oh... We don't have I king. Equestria is ruled by the sisters, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna..." She said happily. My God... What's with the names here? "Twilight Sparkle", "Princess Celestia?", "Princess Luna?" Well... That's not that bad.... " Spike?" Well that one sounds more like a dogs name.. But damn... Am I in a Goddamn Disney movie?

lets try that again

"Oh... We don't have a king. Equestria is ruled by the sisters, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna..." She said happily. My God... What's with the names here? "Twilight Sparkle", "Princess Celestia?", "Princess Luna?" Well... That's not that bad.... " Spike?" Well that one sounds more like a dogs name.. But damn... Am I in a Goddamn Disney movie?

6817823
now that is impressive

I busted out laughing, this lizard thing thought it was a Huge, Flying, fire breathing, BADASS.... He didn't even have wings!