> The Misadventures of DJ
>  by Solid Poison
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Act 1 part 1: I must be high
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 1 part 1: I must be High

I suddenly jerked awake and my eyes shot open. I looked around myself and I was in the middle of this huge dark forest that was eerily silent. I pushed myself upright with a lazy grunt and checked my pockets. With a sigh of relief I felt my phone in my pocket. Good... Now I can call and get a ride outta here, or maybe use the GPS to figure out where I am first. I thought as I put in my password.

I was also relieved when I saw that my battery wasn't completely dead, it was at 93%. It seems things are working out for me in this random god forsaken.... Wait how did I get here? I don't remember anything that happened the yesterday..... but the day before that I was just chilling in my apartment playing Video games.... Then.... It's just... Blank... Hmm.... It doesn't matter I'll just use the GPS and..... 

"Oh shit...."

No signal.

Damn! Where the hell am I then? I must be in some deep shit if I have no signal!

"Dammit!" I yelled as I powered down my phone, it may be at 93% but I still want to save battery life...

I sat for a few moments still puzzled about the basics you know... Like... What the hell, When the hell, Where the hell, and HOW the hell did I end up here... HOW! Did I get drunk after my game session and wander into the woods? No... There are no woods near where I live.. And this is a big ass forest... I thought as I finally stood up and noticed something.

I feel.... Really... REALLY good right now like fucking amazing...I feel Stronger... Even Healthier! I thought as I flexed my arms. I was a pretty skinny guy but I still somehow managed a toned body despite the lazy office job, video games and junk food... I've always been that way. 

I took a few steps forward and checked myself again. There were a few more things in my deep, black basketball short pockets, I had my keys, my wallet that had a few bucks in it, a led pencil and a pack of gum... That still had a few pieces to my suprise. I also noticed I had on my signature drawstring bag and inside was a notebook, pair of jeans, my phone charger, a large sports water bottle and a pocket knife, which I honestly don't remember owning... Probably belongs to my dumbass roommate and it just got in here somehow.... Could come in handy though...

I take note that I'm wearing a black Nike hoodie, that had a pair of sunglasses tucked onto the collar. I even had that cheap ass sports watch I bought from....Walmart? I don't remember... Anyways, I had some black and white Nike shoes, they were nice but still just plain and simple, I don't like shoes and clothes with all those flashy colors and such like other guys might, I tend to just wear 1 or 2 colors at the most, so right now I was mostly black and white. The funny thing about me is I always dress up like I'm going to go play basketball or go on a run... Even though I barely do either of those things... Meh who cares...

After staring at myself for a while, I eventually just shrugged and put my hands in my pockets out of habit and started walking... I didn't know where the hell I Was or why, but all I know is I won't get anything done while sitting on my ass. At first I thought I should probably go into survival mode and start gathering supplies... Like those nature survival shows or Minecraft... Heh... I wish I could punch trees with my bare fists, I thought as I passed through a thick bush.

A few feet ahead of me there was a gap that had at least a 10 foot drop leading to deadly looking rocks below. It was only a 2-3 feet gap give or take so I could probably just jump it. I looked down at the razor sharp rocks nervously.

"Nope nope nope!" I said quickly backing away from the gap. Wait... What the hell am I doing! I can do this! I thought confidently as I stepped back for a running start. Before I ran off I stepped back a few more feet, I mean... Better safe then sorry! I finally took off running, I quickly noticed I felt somewhat faster than I usual was, but I ignored it. As I neared the gap I jumped up into the air... kinda higher than normal... Actually...ALOT higher! I was nearly 15 feet in the air! I over shot the gap easily and landed safely on the other side with a grunt.

"No way!" I muttered aloud as I stared at myself. I didn't LOOK any stronger then I normally was, but I felt stronger and I could run and jump faster and higher! OK as cool as this shit is... That should be impossible! Humans can't do crap like this! I thought as my mind raced. Do I have super powers? Am I dreaming? Am...am I HIGH?!! I questioned as I continued to walk nearing the edge of the forest without noticing. There is some strange shit going on right now, I thought as I checked myself for head injuries. I was so busy questioning everything that I tripped over something.

I lifted my face from the dirt In anger as I saw the damn rock I tripped over. I quickly and angrily stood up and kicked the shit out of it. Much to my suprise it went really high up into the air. I stopped caring about the rock and just came to terms with these strange "Powers" I possessed now. Unfortunately before I could fully turn around I heard the telltale sound of a window being smashed, no doubt by the rock I just kicked.

"For fucks sake..." I muttered in annoyance as i turned to see a large cluster of houses and town like buildings. 

Wait.... Buildings! Civilization! Although these houses were oddly colorful... Like Way more then I've ever seen... I noticed something else also... They all looked a little... Primitive for some reason like medieval fucking straw roofs primitive. Some select houses were decorated in a completely different style than the others. like there was one house that looked like it was fucking edible, with all the candy, cake and chocolate bullshit all over it. There was another house that was tall like a tower and looked kinda fancy with its checkered patterns. There was this one house that reminded me of the houses that hobbits in the Lord of the rings lived in, except a lot more elaborate. And... Is...is that a fucking Treehouse? No not the kind where you have a little house in a tree... This was literally a fucking house tree! Raising my brow in suprise I facepalmed at the design choices. Who the fuck lives in this Town? Little girls? This is weird... 

I shifted behind the bush I was hiding in uncomfortably. Who's window did I break? I thought as I scanned the houses and much to my dismay I saw that the busted window belonged to the weird treehouse. Part of me just wants to walk the fuck away and the rest of me wants to apologize. I checked my watch and it claimed it was 10pm. "Nope, thats fucked then..." I thought as i questioned the time of day. The sun seemed to be coming up but it wasn't moving visably so I just assumed it was morning, that would also explain why I saw nobody outside yet...

"Fuck it.." I whispered as I started walking from my vantage point toward the weird ass Treehouse.... Housetree... Whatever!

With my luck whoever owned the house would call the cops on me in anger over something as simple as a window.

As I drew near the house, I noticed the door was way shorter then normal. Well what do ya know? Maybe hobbits DO live here... I joked to myself as I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I was busy wondering just what the hell I was going to say whenever I heard a loud yawn come from the other side of the door. I should probably see if they'll let me use a their phone... And I may aswell find out where the hell I'm at while I'm here... But that thought was interrupted by the door slowly swinging open to reveal... Nothing?

I looked around a few times before remembering the hobbit joke and I looked down. I saw a Bigass, Upright, Purple and Green Lizard! It lazely rubbed its green reptile eyes with it's claw like hands. I was staring down at the thing and it finally looked up and both of our eyes widened. We both sat there staring at each other, frozen in place, no doubt thinking the same exact thing.

"DAFAQ?"

After a few more awkward seconds I took off running as fast as I could back into the forest, leaving the purple lizard thing behind. Did I just discover a small race of lizard men? Am I in some kind of fucked up fanfiction? Am I in a coma and this is all just an elaborate dream? Am I in some freaky alternate dimension where lizards overthrow humans and inslave them? Did I somehow end up in the past? Am I high? Well.... I Guess at least one or more of those must be right... 

I raced into the forest, never looking back to the weird town I discovered. I finally stopped running and took a quick breather. This was a lot to take in... Fucking Bipedal Lizards, building fruity ass Gingerbread houses. First the powers and now this? This is an odd day, I seriously bet it cant get more ridiculous then this...

"Um...Hello?" Said a female voice behind me. OK good maybe I could get some help.
I turned around and froze. you've got to be fucking kidding me.... There was a Purple Unicorn staring at me in wonder.

"I'm high as fuck right now..." I whispered to myself, this pony did not just say hi to me.

"Excuse me? Mister.... whatever you are..." The unicorn was interrupted by that weird lizard thing from earlier behind her.

"That's the weird thing that knocked on the door Twilight!" The lizard said in a little Boy's voice as he pointed an accusing claw at me. 

I took a few steps back before quickly turning away and running deeper into the forest, I did not just see a walking talking Lizard and I certainly did not see a fucking talking Unicorn! 

"Hey! Wait!" The unicorn girl called from behind me, but I just ignored her and continued running. I needed to get away from this bullshit dream. This crazy illusion, or my worst fear... This harsh new reality.

I ran for a while before sitting and resting on a large boulder. Sweating from the excitement, I took the bottle out of my bag and I drank from it. To my delight it was full of Pink Lemonade. I drank about half of it before I lowered the bottle and took a breath. 

"This is just a dream..." I kept saying to myself in denial. I finally decided to do the pinch test.

"Fuck!" I yelled in disappointment as wasn't waking up in my apartment.

I just sat there huddled up, I was going to lay my head on my knees, but I stopped when I noticed my sunglasses were gone.

"Oh no..." I muttered aloud as I quickly searched the surrounding ground for my shades but didn't find them.

Before I could stand and curse whoever or whatever put me in this situation I saw my sunglasses, Floating in a purple Aura. I reached out to them, and as I grabbed them the aura made me feel tingly. When I grasped the shades tightly the purple aura carrying them disappeared and I could feel the shade's weight now.

I looked up to see the unicorn from earlier, along with the lizard thing hiding behind her. She had a confused, but kind expression while the lizard dude was staring at me with narrowed eyes, shivering slightly.

"You dropped your.... Sunglasses when you ran off..." she said with a friendly tone.

"My name is Twilight sparkle! What's yours?" She asked innocently.

I sat silent for a while. I was still fighting the urge to run away again but I wanted to see where this was going. Wait hold on... This unicorn is named Twilight sparkle? What the hell? I fought the urge to laugh as I answered.

"My name is Derrick Young" I said uncomfortably, shifting my weight.

"Derrick? That's an odd name..." Twilight said raising her brow slightly.

Oh sure bitch... You can't talk when your name is fucking "Twilight sparkle"... 

The lizard dude thing decided this was a good moment to speak up and he tapped his chest proudly.

"I'm spike the dragon!" 

I looked to the lizard thing in disbelief and deadpanned.

"What?" He asked nervously.

I busted out laughing, this lizard thing thought it was a Huge, Flying, fire breathing, BADASS.... He didn't even have wings!

"You're a Dragon?!? Can you even breath fire?" I questioned, making the little lizard upset. He balled up his claw hands and shook them at me, and was probably about to say some kind of insult to me, when Twilight quickly gave him a stern look and he sighed in defeat.

" I can breath fire but..... I'm just a baby... Kind of..." he admitted with sadness as he stepped back behind Twilight. I just nodded, I was looking at a talking unicorn, so Right now I was inclined to believe anything.

"Anyways..." Twilight continued, "I've never seen anything like you before... What are you?" She asked curiously. I scratched the back of my head, wondering how she would react to my answer.

"Well I'm a Human..." I said carefully waiting for her reaction.

Twilight moved her head back slightly, she looked like she was going over something in her head. Suddenly her eyes widened and I swear I saw fucking stars in them, and her smile... Her mouth looked like it was about to pop off of her goddamn face. Before I could react she zipped right up to me happily making me jump.

"Oh my gosh! a real HUMAN?" She said quickly in a squeaky high voice.

"You're a living legend! According to my books you're just an old foal's tale!"

Before I could say anything she assaulted me with more questions.

"How did you get here?"

"Are there more humans with you?"

"What kind of magic can you use?"

"Why are your legs so long?"

"What are this weird things on your forehoofs?"

She asked as she got closer with every question, her eyes sparkling with curiosity. She was beginning to creep me out, as she took more steps toward me with that freaky smile. Yeah I figured I wouldn't like this shit from the start... I'm going to NOPE the fuck away now...

Instead of answering her I just put on a fake smile and bolted away in a random direction as fast as I could... Which was actually quite fast because of the strange power boost i got from this place. But suddenly I lurched to a stop against my own will. Huh? Why can't I move? That purple Aura from earlier was surrounding me while I was frozen in place. Suddenly I was moved back in front of Twilight by the strange force, and her horn was glowing again. The aura faded from me and her horn simultaneously. What did this bitch just do?!!

I narrowed my eyes and glared at her angrily.

"How the FUCK did you do that?" I asked angrily.

"Do what? Oh you mean my magic? Yeah sorry about that..." She said lowering her head slightly. I sighed in annoyance, I'm pretty sure I can't escape now because this unicorn has telekinesis or something. 

"I'm sorry if I scared you.. I was just really excited! I mean humans were just an old foul's tale... And now one is standing in front of me! Please don't run Derrick..." I just sighed and shook my head.

"Just call me DJ... Anyways did you say MAGIC???" I said quickly changing the subject. This is definitely a dream!

"Yes magic! What's the matter? Can't you use object manipulation spells?" She asked innocently.

I scoffed at that question, humans? Magic? Hell no....

"Humans don't have magic..." I said flatly.

"Oh... That must be terrible!" Twilight said with slight disappointment. I walked over to a pebble on the ground and lifted it up.

"Not really... Humans have hands for a reason.." I said as I played with the pebble in my hands.

"I see..." Twilight said as she watched me with wonder. That made me feel kind of awkward after awhile, so I dropped the pebble and folded my arms. I think its about time I got away from this bullshit... I'll take my chances in the forest.

"Look... I'm sorry I broke your window and stuff... but I really must be going..." I said as I slowly began to turn away.

"Wait that was you!?!" The dragon said in outrage as he poked his head out from behind Twilight.

"Wait! Please don't leave!" She pleaded as she completely ignored the thing about the window.

"Nope...I've got places to be..." I lied, slowly walking away.

Now I don't know why I did this but I turned my head and looked back... Big mistake.
Twilight had this look on her face that reminded me of that face dogs give you when they're in trouble, or when they want something. Now I usually just ignored them but this was different. Her pleading, sad, cute eyes made me feel guilty... Really guilty... To the point where I started weighing my options again.

Let's see... Assuming this is all real... considering I'm talking to a fucking dragon and a godamn unicorn... There is probably WAY worse shit that could wreck me in that Forest... Besides... I have no basic survival skills anyway, and I'm not about to eat insects... I'd be stupid to even try.

"Alright fine! You're lucky I don't have a godanm house..." I muttered as I quickly turned back to the unicorn.

"Great! Would you like to come over for Tea? I'm pretty sure you have questions for me aswell!" She asked getting that creepy, curious look again. You know what? I'm calling that the Science Face... From now on, because I knew this weird girl once back in highschool that had that same look whenever she did weird shit "For Science!". But I think she's in a mental institute now..... Yeah... so you can see why I'm at least a little worried about this unicorn. Speaking of sanity... I have to question my own right now. I'm just going to assume all the dragon and magical unicorn bullshit is some illusion that will stop eventually... But for now I'll just " Go with the flow ". Wait a sec... She said Tea? I HATE TEA! Well mostly the Herb Teas...

" I dunno... I don't like herbal tea... " I said to her. Unfortunately that only made her puppy eyes water more.

"Please? We don't have to drink Herbel Tea... I have some Sweet Nector Tea!" She pleaded.
Hmm... Nector is OK... But... Ok fuck it! I can't take those eyes!

" Sure whatever ..." I muttered with a roll of my eyes.

And the strangest shit YET just happened... Twilight smiled wide again like earlier but this time it made this weird "squee" sound. like I'm dead ass serious right now... This bitch's smile made a NOISE just now! What the hell is wrong with this place?

"Alright then follow me!" She said happily as she turned and trotted back toward her tree House, followed by Spike. I just sighed and walked behind them. When we started walking Spike turned around and glared daggers at me. He stuck out his claws and he pointed from his eyes, to me and back again... 

"I'm watching you..." He muttered in a threatening tone, except it wasn't all that threatening because this guy only came to my knees... And I'm only 5'8". He turned back looking confident about his "threat" but I just ignored him.

"Stay close everypony! The Everfree forest has really dangerous creatures in it!" Twilight warned us without looking back. Everypony? Seriously? 

As if on cue, I hear a loud roaring sound coming from somewhere deep in the Forest. Yep....this may be some kind of fucked up dream, but the pinch test didn't work, so I'm glad I didn't take my chances with the forest. The funny thing was, Twilight told us to "stay close" implying that she could protect us... Heh I guess she's stronger than she looks...

After the roar we all silently picked up the pace, as we exited the forest. After a few minutes of walking we finally reached Twilight's house inside that strange town. Before I walked in, I noticed a few ponies out and about, with various crazy ass color schemes, good... The place wasn't full of big ass lizards... Luckily they didn't see me slip into Twilight's place.

OK what? I knew this girl was kinda nerdy, but this house was Full of books... Like massive shelves of them....except... The shelves were carved into the side of the tree, which was an interesting design choice, but it still caught me off guard. The suprise on my face must have been obvious, because Twilight giggled when she saw it. 

"This is a library by the way..." She said as she stared up at me.

"Right..." I said with uncertainty. I was kinda releaved that she didn't just own all these books... But I still find it odd how she lives in a library. 

Well I guess I met this wacky Town's librarian... Let's hope she's the most crazy pony I will ever have to meet....... Because I'm not sure how I feel about more ponies giving me the Science face.

She leads me to a soft couch and I layed back with a sigh of comfort, this couch is awesome.

"Nice place..." I complimented with a smile.

Twilight smiled at me, thankfully it didn't make a weird sound this time...

"Thanks Derrick... I mean DJ!" She said nervously, as she sat in a similar couch across from me.

"Spike, can you put on some Tea?" She asked the dragon and he quickly nodded.

"On it!" He said, giving a salute before running into another room that I assume was the kitchen. Honestly I hate Tea for the most part, but Twilight assured me earlier that it wasn't one of those bullshit herb teas.

" So... What is this place?" I asked curiously, slightly dreading the coming answer.

"Well this is the land of Equestria! Inhabited mainly by ponies and other magical creatures. "She answered happily. So... I'm in "Equestria...." Sounds like the name of a generic fantasy game to me...

" The town we're in right now is called Ponyville! " she continued.

"Hmmm.... I've got to say that's the WORST name for a town that I've ever heard..." I said bluntly, making Twilight pout angrily.

" What? Ponyville is a wonderful name! This town has a rich history spanning over 100s of years!" She said in defense.

"That may be so, but we don't run around naming our towns Humanville..." I said with a chuckle.

Twilight just rolled her eyes at me.

"I guess i could see what you mean..." She admitted with some hesitation.

After a few moments of silence I had another question. I assumed because of the primative nature of this town, this place's government was probably just some form of monarchy.
"Alright so who's the king?" I asked as I folded my arms. Since it was a possibility I could actually be stuck here, I may aswell know the asshole calling the shots, and I figure they'll know me to.

Twilight looked somewhat amused when she answered.

"Oh... We don't have I king. Equestria is ruled by the sisters, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna..." She said happily. My God... What's with the names here? "Twilight Sparkle", "Princess Celestia?", "Princess Luna?" Well... That's not that bad.... " Spike?" Well that one sounds more like a dogs name.. But damn... Am I in a Goddamn Disney movie? 

"I happen to be Princess Celestia's faithful student! I'm her personal Protégée!" Twilight said proudly, pointing a hoof at herself. PFFT! More like her personal BITCH I joked to myself, but in all seriousness if this "Celestia" is Twilight's mentor, then she must be really nerdy and talkative... And she must also have a..... science face... Oh god...

My thoughts were interrupted by Spike yelling from the kitchen.

"The Tea is almost ready!" He called out to us.

"OK Spike!" She responded quickly before turning back to me.

"Speaking of Princess Celestia... I should probably tell her about you.." She said as she tapped her muzzle in thought.

"Oh no no no no! Don't worry about it.." I said quickly with my hands in front of me, I was not about to have 2 bitches oggling at me with the damn Science face. I also didn't want to attract too much attention in general.

"Why not? She'll find out eventually anyways.... and she's really nice!" Twilight said tilting her head slightly, as Spike came out holding 2 fancy tea cups.

"Here ya go.." He said to Twilight kindly as she thanked him and held it in her magic. Then he came up to me with narrowed eyes.

"Here you go.." He said in an unfriendly tone... Making me hesitant to take the cup at first, I sniffed it suspiciously and.... it actually smelled kinda good.... Really good!

"Thanks" I muttered as I took the cup from him. Spike just narrowed his eyes even more and started to walk upstairs.

"I'm up Here if you need me Twi..." Spike said. Twilight nodded and the dragon gave me a dirty look before going upstairs. Twilight started to sip her tea and I stared blankly at mine. What if that little prick poisoned this? Naa... he doesn't have the balls... I would kick his ass across the room as I choked on the poison if he did. Twilight looked up from her tea and motioned for me to drink mine. I nodded and gulped nervously as I slowly brought the cup to my face. I have to say... This stuff smells good! Damn... Said that already.... Let me get on with this. I took a small sip from it and holy shit was it amazing! I let out a sigh of delight as I sank into the couch happily. For someone who much preffered Coffee over Tea, this shit was good. However, I doubt I'll even like any other flavors they may have here...

"Spike!" Twilight suddenly called out, causing the dragon to quickly come downstairs.

"Yes Twi?"

"Take a letter!" 

Spike promptly pulled out a quill and paper out of nowhere, probably his ass and got ready to write.

"Dear Princess Celestia,

Good morning! Today has started off very interesting... A Pony knocked on my door this morning... Well he's not really a pony... He is actually a Human! How exciting! Right now we are having Tea and I was wondering if you would like to come meet him sometime! He seems like a nice fellow from what I can tell... A bit of a badmouth though...

Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle..."

After she was done telling Spike what to write, he rolled up the paper scroll and set it a distance in front of his face. A moment later this dumbass burnt the letter right in front of me.... and it was gone.

"You're supposed to mail it you dipshit!" I yelled catching them both off guard. They looked at me in confusion.

"You can use magic to teleport letters directly to ponies..." Twilight informed me. Oh.... Well shit! I guess that's the closest they'll get to texting then. I shrugged and took another sip of my tea. A few moments later, Spike magically burped up a response from Celestia I assume. He opened the Royal Seal and read it aloud.

"Dear my Faithful student,

I would like to request that you avoid sending letters to me so early, as it landed in my breakfast... But I need to ask you something... 

Are you certain that this Creature is really a "Human?"

Your Teacher, Princess Celestia... "

I laughed at the idea of someone having a bigass scroll materialize above them and land right in their pancakes. Twilight cringed and narrowed her eyes in thought.

"OK Spike. Write another letter..."

"Dear Princess Celestia,

Sorry i ruined your breakfast... Hopefully you were ready this time... But I am certain that this creature is a Human, he told me himself! He walks upright on two legs and wears clothes. He even has these strange appendages called "hands" that are similar to spike's claws in function...

Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle..."

At this point I was ignoring them and just happily sucking down this epic tea. A few moments later another response burped in.

"Dear My faithful student,

Your brief description of him has me convinced. However I am very busy today, so I shall have My younger sister visit you tonight, and I shall follow the next morn. I look forward to meeting this... "Human"...

Your Teacher, Princess Celestia...

PS: I was not ready the second time either..."


Twilight and Spike giggled nervously after the last part, then they beamed happily while I just frowned. 

"They're coming here?" I asked slightly annoyed. Twilight nodded excitedly while I just brought my hand to my face. I haven't a clue how to act around royalty... I'm probably just going to end up pissing them off... It was then that I finished my epic tea.

"Oh my gosh! I have to get everything ready for Princess Celestia's arrival!"

"Celestia? What about Luna? Isn't She coming first tonight?" I reminded.

"Oh I know... But I just have to go to Surgercube corner and pick up cakes and snacks for them both... Celestia happens to eat a lot of cake... And she just LOVES Tea!" Twilight said as she magiced our empty cups to the kitchen. Heh Celestia eats a lot? She's probably a fat princess... Wait thats the name of a game isn't it? Ha.

At the mention of cake my stomach rumbled quite loudly, to the point where Twilight and Spike stared at me awkwardly.

"It seems you're hungry......" Twilight said in thought.

I rolled My eyes as I thought "No shit Sherlock!".

She smiled when an idea popped into her head.

"OK! DJ, how would you like to go with me today on my errands? I can give you a tour of ponyville and you can meet some of my friends! You can also eat while i pick up some snacks for the Princesses from Sugar cube corner! Come on, it will be fun!" Twilight said, awaiting my answer happily. The only words I heard in that sentence were: "you", " can" , "eat" and "sugar".... 

Fuck yes!

" Sure I'd love too!" I said with a warm smile taking Twilight by suprise. At least I was going to get some food and maybe some chill time because her friends can't be that bad right?....I guess I can use this time to get used to ponies in general, before I have to deal with Royal types. This Luna was really mysterious to me... Maybe she was... The quiet one? While Celestia was probably just an older Twilight who was thick from eating cake and drinking tea all day...

Looking back now... I couldn't have been more wrong....
> Act 1 part 2: Welcome to Ponyville
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 1 part 2: Welcome to Ponyville...

" I kind of forgot about this..." Twilight said as she examined the ruined window in front of the house. I cringed as she stared at it in disappointment, maybe she really was pissed. After looking the window over Twilight closed her eyes. Her horn came to life and the window and its shattered fragments glowed purple before quickly reconstructing before my eyes. After her deed she smiled contently and I scoffed, fucking magic man...

"Ok let me just get my saddlebag and we can go..." Twilight said as she quickly went upstairs. So I just waited patiently at the door. Spike was lazely sitting on a couch, so I guess I don't have to deal with him for a while. He was tapping his foot impatiently with a look of annoyance, something tells me he's not usually like this, me being here is probably the reason. Twilight came downstairs her saddle bag, Which was just a brown purse thing that came to her side.

"Alright let's get going!" She said as she walked next to me.

I opened the door and we walked out. Before I closed the door Twilight called out.

"Spike! Make sure you clean up for Luna's arrival!" She said as the door shut, Spike groaned loudly on the other side as it closed.

I turned away from the door and looked toward the town. The streets were busy with ponies everywhere, going about their daily routines, it reminded me alot of human cities... Except... No cars... Or skyscrapers... Or billboards... Or planes... Or helicopters... Or huma... You know what? Never mind!

I quickly realized that if any of these ponies overreacted, I could end up burning on the stake... I'm going to be ready to bail at a moments notice, but If Twilight's reaction was anything to go by there shouldn't be any problems. And for the most part I was right! About half of them either didn't notice me or they didn't care. but the other half...y

"Woah! What is that thing?"

"Why is Twilight with that creature?"

"That thing is tall!"

"Wow!"

That's the kinda crap I heard from the ones that stayed far and talked about me. Some of them just looked at me with a blush for some reason and of course there were some brave enough to actually walk up to me, I just told all of them to fuck off.

I was being kinda hostile to most of them because I was getting sick of this attention... Twilight just watched my antics with disappointment, no doubt when the Princesses arrive, it'll be worse...

Stuff like that basically happened for a while before we reached the edge of an apple farm. Twilight told me earlier that we should pick up the cakes and stuff last, so we don't have to carry them everywhere with us. Of course I was pissed at first, but Twilight said we can probably get a snack or something to hold me over when we visit her apple farmer friend.

Now let me tell you... I have never seen so many apple trees in my goddamn life... They were everywhere! One side of the path we were on was full of trees with huge delectable looking bright red apples, while the other side had a bunch of appleless trees. I have to give credit to this apple farmer... They take good care of these trees...

After walking this path for another minute I started to see a big red farmhouse with a barn and a silo. It looked like your typical farm type place... Minus the huge farming equipment and tractors that a Human farm would have. This place was kinda big... I bet this farmer has workers coming from all over.

As we neared the house and came over the hill, I saw an orange pony with yellow hair that was tied in a pony tail... Ha get it because she's a pon...Shut up!

Anyway she had this big brown Stenson hat on which at first looked really ridiculous but then again I was dealing with talking ponies here... She was standing next to a bunch of buckets around a tree and looked like she was examining it.

"Applejack!" Twilight called out happily as we walked up to her.

The pony quickly turned and smiled at Twilight.

"Howdy Twilight! How are y'all tod.." The pony stopped in her tracks when she saw me. Her mouth began to slowly open wide as she stared up at me in silence. I just stared back at her raising my eyebrow slightly.

"Oh this is my friend Derrick! He prefers to be called DJ..." Twilight said as she pointed to me.

Applejack's expression did a complete 180 and she walked right up to me and smiled warmly.

"Howdy DJ! Ma names Applejack! Welcome ta Sweet Apple Acres!" She said holding her hoof out to me. Did she want me to shake her hoof? They have hand shakes here?

After some hesitation I held my hand out and grabbed her hoof. Applejack then proceeded to almost break my arm.

"Ow! Dammit! Stop!" I said quickly letting go of her hoof... This pony was strong!

"Er... Sorry if ah hurt ya there feller..." She said in apology as I just cursed her under my breath.

Applejack turned back to Twilight, and I noticed something. She had a tattoo of apples on her butt. I guess she loves apples SO much that she decided to get a tattoo? Wait no... Literally all of the ponies I've seen today had one in the EXACT same spot. I looked at Twilight and I noticed even she had one, it looked like a purple star with sparkles all over it... How fitting. I decided finally, that I was going to ask them about these tattoos, because if I'm to stay here for a while I have to know some pony culture.

Twilight and Applejack nuzzled each other, was that supposed to be a greeting? How come they didn't shake hoofs? Maybe Applejack and Twilight agreed not to do that to avoid broken limbs...

"Uh... Question..." I said, making them turn to me.

"Yes DJ?" Twilight said looking at me curiously.

"What's with the butt tattoos? How come everyone has one?" I asked carefully, hopefully not offending them.

They looked at each other for a second then busted out laughing.

"Oh no no no, these aren't tattoos!" Twilight said as she pointed to what I was asking about.

"They're cutie marks!" Apple jack said. Cutie marks? I swear to god this is so girly... I don't think its healthy for me to hold in this many laughs... But for now its better that I don't offend them.

"A cutie mark is a symbol that ponies earn when they're young, that represents his or her special talent!" Twilight explained.

"So if I have this right... Your talent is... Apples.. and yours is fucking... Sparkles?" I said pointing to them both respectively.

Twilight's ears drooped slightly at the last part, "Correct... Partially... A cutie mark dosent necessarily represent your talent EXACTLY, for example mine is supposed to represent magic... " she explained with a huff, I guess that offended her a little.

Applejack giggled slightly before turning back to Twilight

"So what brings y'all here Twilight?" She asked.

"Well I was just taking my friend DJ here to meet everypony, we're supposed to get some snacks from Pinkie later."

"Really now? What's the occasion?" Applejack asked curiously.

"Well the Princesses are supposed visiting from canterlot! They want to meet DJ because, he's a REAL human!" Twilight said excitedly.

"Wait what? He's ah HUMAN?" Applejack said as she stepped back, looking at me differently.

"Ah just thought he was dressin up for Nightmare night early!" She said staring at me in awe.

"Yep... 100% homo-sapian right here..." I said with an annoyed sigh, I guess nightmare night is some holiday or something.

"Is that the scientific name for humans?" Twilight asked as I could see signs of the science face approaching.

"Yes...um Applejack?" I said quickly turning away from the crazy unicorn.

"Yes sugar cube?" She said kindly.

"Your an apple farmer right?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"Ah sure am! The best apples in Equestria come from Swee Apple Acres!" She said proudly.

"Ma family and I are the best around when it comes ta applebuckin!".

"What the fuck is applebucking?" I blurted quickly without restraint, Applejack didn't seem to care though.

"Here I'll show ya!" She said as she walked back over to the buckets around the tree she was standing at. She carefully adjusted one of them and nodded to herself. She then turned back to us with a smirk.

"This is how we get things done in Sweet Apple Acres!" She announced, before she leand forward and proceeded to kick the fuck out of the tree. It made a loud thump...so loud I was surprised the tree wasn't snapped in half. The tree shook for a second then every single apple on it fell into their respective buckets, not a single one hit the floor.

"Woah..." I said in suprise as a looked to the farmer in disbelief. How did she know where do put the buckets? How did she know how much force to kick it with? Yeah... I'm not going to ask...

"Well I'm impressed... No human could EVER achieve something like that.." I stated simply as nodded my head.

Applejack looked somewhat surprised at my statement before her face morphed to curiosity.

"Really? How do humans farm anyway?" She asked curiously.

We then got into a long interesting conversation as we walked toward the house. I basically just told her about the huge machines that farmers used to harvest things. Unfortunately for me describing them was tough, because they had almost no concept of large machinery. Luckily they apparently had trains, so I just told them they were large train like machines that weren't restricted to tracks and could harvest massive fields in short amounts of time.

"Wow that sounds mighty impressive! But I imagine they don't taste as good sense there not handled with loving hoofs." Applejack said in slight disappointment.

" Not really... The taste gets ruined by chemicals that humans put into them, to make them last longer without spoiling.." I said flatly as we reached the house.

"Hmm... Interestin... anyhow are you two hungry? Granny should be making breakfast about now and we love havin guests!" Applejack said with a smile.

"We would love too!" Twilight answered for us as we walked up the porch of the house.

"Alright come on in and meet some of the Apple family!" She said happily as she opened the door.

Inside the house was pretty stylish, it had that country feel to it without looking too run down. She lead us to the dining room where two ponies were carefully setting up the table. One of them was about Spike's height and she had a yellowish coat with a bright red mane and tail. She was also wearing a large red bow. She was quite small so I assumed she was just a filly and boy was she cute! In the small kitten kind of way.

Now the other one was different, I think this was the first guy I've seen in this whole damn town. He was HUGE... Well for a pony... He was almost to my eye level and he had thick workhorse legs he even had one of those workhorse collar things! he was red with orange hair, his mane and tail was a lot shorter then the rest of them aswell.

These two were happily setting up the table as we walked in.

"Big Mac! We're a havin guests! Add two more plates to the table!" Applejack yelled making the two ponies look up.

They both smiled widely when they saw Twilight and they waved to her, and she waved back. Their faces changed when they saw me unfortunately, the big tall one which I assumed was Big Mac looked confused while the small little one froze.

"Where did ya find that human Applejack?" Big Mac asked with a deep southern voice and puzzled expression. Hmm that would make him the only one besides maybe Twilight to immediately recognize what I am.

"His name is Derrick and he came here with Twilight.." Applejack said as she pointed to me.

Big Mac just nodded and walked up to me and stretched his hoof out to me, oh god... He wants a handshake too? I'm going to lose my arm! I thought as I hesitantly streched my hand out.

"Howdy there Derrick! I'm Applejack's older brother Big MacIntosh, but you can just call me Big Mac if ya like." He said politely as we shook hands... Hoofs... Whatever. Unlike Applejack, Big Mac didn't rip my God damn arm off, whether it was from restraint or him simply not being as strong I didn't know, but regardless I was grateful.

"Uh... just call me DJ.." I said as we stopped our hoof shake. I then noticed the little one was hiding cowardly behind him.

"Applebloom... Introduce yourself..." Applejack said sternly making the little one come out. She gulped nervously and walked up to me. I looked down at her and realized my height may be scaring her, so I knelt down to her level and gave a warm smile.

"Um...Howdy... Mr...DJ...ah... ahm Applebloom..." She said shakingly.

"Don't worry Applebloom I won't hurt you... I promise!" I said feeling a bit sappy about it. This made her calm down somewhat and she smiled back.

After the basic introductions we all sat down at the table except Big Mac, who went into the kitchen to help granny or something. Twilight and Applejack were talking about something and Applebloom was just sitting quietly.

I was bored so I decided to ask her something, because I noticed the apple family all had apple cutie marks except her.

"So... You haven't found your talent yet?" I asked.

Applebloom suddenly looked sad at my question, maybe I shouldn't have asked that? She sighed and answered.

"No... Apples run in the family... but that doesn't mean ma cutie mark has to be one... Me and mah friends are the only ones that don't have one yet.." She said sorrowfully.

I cringed slightly, yep shouldn't have asked that...

"Well...uh I'm sure you'll get one... Pretty soon.." I said reassuringly.

She suddenly brightened up and smiled at me.

"Mister DJ... Do ya think you could help me get mine?" She asked with hope in her eyes.

I raised my eyebrows, humans don't have cutie marks so how the hell would I help her?

"Uh.. Sorry applebloom... Humans don't have cutie marks..." I said honestly, making her sigh in disappointment, something tells me she asks everyone that same question. I was so distracted by this conversation that I didn't notice Big Mac carrying food from the kitchen, followed by a green old looking pony.

I quickly turned to see a few apple based foods like pies, cakes, cobblers you name it and it was on the table. Oh god it all looks... amazing! And Twilight said a SNACK! Big Mac sat across from me while the old pony sat on the far end of the table. The old pony looked wrinkled and frail, she was green with white hair and she had an orange bandana with apples on it around her neck...

"Howdy there Sonny... Its nice to have guests.. Especially such handsome ones like you! I'm Granny Smith by the way!" She said kindly. Whoa that was weird... She said I was handsome? I figured I would appear ugly to the ponies because I was so... different... Then again.. This ones probably kinda weird, because she is old and all. She basically proved my point by falling asleep right then and there, prompting a giggle from everyone while I just smiled nervously.

"OK let's eat y'all!" Applejack said as she pointed to the pies. Twilight used her magic to divide up everything at the table and put food on everyone's plates, I must say magic must come in handy... Too bad I don't have it.

After everyone got there food, the ponies dug in... It was kinda messy. They didn't have forks or spoons, so they just stuck their faces into the food and went to town, while I picked some of it up with my hands and watched them eat. After a few bites they all began to talk among themselves while I just sat back. I looked up and noticed big Mac was giving me a sideways glance. I raised my eyebrow and he quickly went back to eating. After a while I decided to say something.

"So... Big Mac... What do you do around here?" I asked curiously.

He took a bite of his pie before answering.

"Well besides apple buckin with my sister ah usually do the heavy liftin around here..." He said. Hmm makes sense... He is pretty big after all...

" It's mighty hard work sometimes... Plowin those fields.. " he said as he gazed out the window.

"Wait you do it... By yourself?" I asked urgently, there is no way! They must have a work force!

Big Mac shook his head, "Nnope! Just me and ma sister..."

"Damn.." I muttered as I leaned back, these farmers are GOOD !

" Ah also do repairs, you'd be surprised how much stuff breaks around here..." he said with an annoyed look. Gosh it must be hard to fix things with just your mouth and hoofs... I have to give him props.

"Then of course I hafta watch Applebloom... or she'll burn down the barn..." He added as he glared at the filly who was listening to Twilight and applejack. We both shared a quick laugh as we ate more pie.

"Um... Is it OK if I just call you Mac? Its kinda odd for me sense were both guys..." I said with a nervous smile. The real reason was because everytime I said his name I would crave McDonald's and I don't think I'm getting meat again any time soon...

"Oh that's fine ah understand..." He said with a laugh, and a bite of apple cobbler.

We sat silent for a while before I spoke up again.

" Hey... can I ask you something?" I said carefully.

Mac just nodded as he took another bite.

I leaned in and whispered to him, "You're the first guy I've met here so far and in town all I saw was a bunch of girls... Competition for guys is high here isn't it?" I asked quite bluntly taking Mac by suprise.

He then leaned closer and whispered, "It sure is! That's why ah avoid leaving the farm... The mares give me naughty looks..." He said. He then whispered the next part to me extremely quiet.

"I would watch yourself out there partner, ponies date OUTSIDE of their species... So don't be surprised if they give YOU naughty looks too..."

He shuddered as he said the next part "Especially with MATING season in a few weeks..." , His warning made my heart go cold. I was going to have to look out for that because I attracted quite the attention in town already, and we were going to go back soon, hell granny even said I was handsome.

"Thanks for the warning... I'll lookout for that" I said awkwardly making Mac nod.

"Eyyup!"

After a while we finished eating, cleaned up and left. We waved to the apple family as we went back on the path to Ponyville, Twilight trotted happily while I followed nervously.

"Hey DJ? What were you and Big Mac talking about? You look kind of pale.." She asked, turning to me and breaking my train of thought.

"Oh...uh...Farming..." I lied, Twilight looked suspicious.

"Really? Why do you look so worried then?" She asked slowing her pace.

"I guess I'm just nervous... I'm in a new world after all and I have no clue how I got here or if any of this is real..." I said rubbing my head.

"Oh I see..." She said, seemingly satisfied with that answer so we kept walking.

"OK now we should probably go see Rarity next... Her place is pretty deep in town..." Twilight muttered.

"Yay..." I said sarcastically. I wasn't looking forward to going back into town after that WARNING Mac gave me.

We finally reached Ponyville once again except this time I paid attention to the enough I spotted some mares staring at me with a blush on their faces looking at me in a lusty daze. Back home I was considered an above average face but you'd think it wouldn't translate well to a ponie's eyes. This is way to weird for me... I urged Twilight to walk a little faster and she complied with little suspicion.

Eventually we finally arrived at that weird tower looking house from earlier. As Twilight knocked on the door I saw a sign that said "Carousel Boutique". Huh... This place kinda does look like a carousel...

"Rarity is the best around when it comes to clothes and fashion!" Twilight said to me as we waited.

Hmm... That's weird... I haven't seen any ponies with clothes... Oh and that's another problem with this place! Besides their tails covering it at some angles, you could see EVERYTHING ! Thankfully it seems the guys here have a sheath or something so I won't have to see any meat dragging across the floor...

My mind was pulled out of the gutter when the door swung open.

"Twilight darling! Its good to see you!" A voice said from the other side of the door. I couldn't see who it was from my angle so I just waited.

"Hi Rarity! Do you have a few minutes? I want you to meet somepony..." Twilight said happily.

"Who is it? Did you finally meet a nice young stallion?" The pony said as she opened the door wide.

The pony opened her eyes and froze. She was a white pony with purple curly, neat hair and very pretty eyes. She stared up at me in silence.

"Who...who is this?" The pony stammered, her face still expressionless.

"This is my friend Derrick! He's a HUMAN!" Twilight said with a grin but the pony just blinked.

Twilight started to look concerned as she tilted her head slightly.

"Are you OK rarity?"

"Yes im... Quite alright... Its just... Your friend... His clothes... They're absolutely dreadful !" She said as she looked at my clothes. You know what? I don't like this bitch already...

" What's WRONG with my clothes? " I asked sternly as I narrowed my eyes, all I had on was black and white nike.. What's so dreadful about that?

"They're simply too dull and dark! And they're covered with that horrid check mark! We must get you a new set immediately!" Rarity said as she grabbed me with her magic and rushed inside, followed by Twilight.

Sigh... This telekinesis bullshit is really pissing me off! I'm pretty much at the mercy of any unicorn I come across! First thing on my list to do is to find away to prevent ponies from grabbing me. I was expecting to like Twilight's other friends because of the impression Applejack gave me but this "Rarity" was quickly getting on my bad side.

The interior of the boutique was incredibly fancy and neat. There were various materials lying around with a few sowing machines and some pony manikins there as well. I got my hopes up with charging my phone when I saw the sowing machines only to see that there were no wall outlets, Damn...I guess they're magic powered, and until I find a way to charge my phone, I'm not cutting it on.

Rarity magicked some measuring tape over from somewhere and a look of determination crossed her face.

"These simply won't do darling! I'll make you some NEW clothes!" Rarity said as she measured me and the so called dreadful clothes.

"Let me go!" I snapped angrily

"Oh no.. Darling I'm not done measuring yet!" She said as she ignored my request and continued.

"Put me the fuck down!" I yelled making her drop me in suprise.

"I don't want any God damn new clothes!" I snapped angrily at her.

Rarity gasped and held her hoof to her mouth in shock.

"My my... such Language ! You should be ashamed of yourself!" Rarity said sternly pointing a hoof at me.

"Bitch you're not my mother! I can say whatever the fuck I want!" I yelled at her, now I was really mad, within 15 seconds of meeting me this pony managed to insult my clothes, force me into her shop without asking and she even tried to tell me how I should speak.

I stared the pony down angrily and she stared back up at me with narrowed eyes.

"You brute!"

"Shut up cow!"

"No good ruffian!"

"Your CRAZY!"

"You smell FUNNY!"

We exchanged a few more insults before Twilight interrupted us.

"Stop it you two! It was just a simple misunderstanding!" She yelled making us stop. Rarity held her nose in the air and looked away with a huff while I just crossed my arms.

"Rarity you shouldn't have insulted DJ's clothes and you DID force him into getting new ones and DJ you didn't have yell! You could have been less harsh!" she said looking to us sternly. Rarity lowered her head in shame while I just clenched my fists. I was about 101% done with this shit so I walked back toward the door.

"I'm going to let myself out... I'll be outside when you're ready Twilight..." I said coldy as I left and shut the door, no I didn't slam it... That's that immature shit... OK I did a little... A lot...

I ended up just sitting on the porch with my head on my knees and waited. I looked at the crowd of townspeople's or I guess townsponies. Eventually I stared into space in boredom. Suddenly I heard a loud boom sound and a bright rainbow bullet landed in front of me. The rainbow blur created a large cloud of dust that swirled around it. Eventually it faded to reveal a blue pony with messy rainbow hair and her eyes were a piercing red. The thing that I noticed the most about her however were the wings that this pony was now folding to her sides neatly, this pony was a PEGASUS!

Alright so let me see here...

DJ's checklist of bullshit:

Talking technicolor ponies:√

Talking technicolor ponies with HORNS: √

MAGIC: √

Talking technicolor baby DRAGONS:√

Shity Broken Physics: √

EVERYONE is naked:√

Talking technicolor ponies with WINGS:√

OK just had to add that one...

" I can't believe this shit..." I said as I brought my hands to my face. The Pegasus heard me talking and walked over to me.

"Whoa...what are you?" The Pegasus asked as her eyes widened in awe.

"Who wants to know?" I responded sternly hoping the pony would just think I'm a jerk and go away.

"The amazing and totally awsome Rainbow Dash wants to know!" She answered with a smirk.

"Sigh... I'm a Human... Happy now? Good now buzz off..." I said in annoyance as I lowered my head again.

"Whoa a real human?!" She said excitedly as she got closer.

I stood up and walked down the porch and stared down at the pony angrily.

"Gosh...you're almost as tall as Princess Celestia!" She said staring up at me in amazement. Wait what? I'm ALMOST as tall as her? Nope that's impossible... Big Mac was a big stallion, and he only came to my neck. Celestia was probably short and she just had herself portrayed to be tall... Like Napoleon...wait he wasn't actually short...just forget it. The thought of one of any these ponies being taller then me kinda terrified me.

"Alright whatever... Just go away! You're pissing me off!" I snapped angrily. Rainbow dash narrowed her eyes at me and stepped closer.

"What if I don't want to? You can't tell me what to do punk!" She said sternly. OK didn't expect that... this one is kinda fiesty.

I opened my mouth to respond but nothing came, she was right after all because I wasn't going to stoop so low as hitting a pony... Besides isn't that animal abuse? Well they are sapiant... So I'm not sure if they count... Nevertheless this bitch insisted on not leaving and there wasn't a thing I can do about it.

So I just frowned and turned back.

I sat back down on the porch as Rainbow Dash trotted up to me looking victorious.

"I'm so awesome... I'm the fastest flyer in Equestria!" She said proudly getting into some corny looking pose.

"I don't care..." I said bluntly as I glared at her.

" I find that hard to believe anyway... How can you even fly with those tiny things?" I added as I pointed to her wings.

She looked to her wings and stretched them out.

"Hey! My wings aren't small! And I can fly just fine !" She said as she hovered in the air to proof her point.

"They're still tiny"

" No they're not!"

"They really are... It should be impossible for you to even take off with those stubby things... You're wings span is pathetic.." I said, making her coat bristle in anger.

"Well... What about you? You don't even have wings!" She said pointing at me.

"Humans don't need wings, we've built machines to do the flying for us.." I said casually.

"PFF... So did we! hot air balloons are slow anyways!" She said waving a hoof.

"We have machines way faster then those..." I said shaking my head, a few planes coming to mind like a f-35 or the R-77 blackbird .

"Yeah right!" She said dismissing my statement.

I looked up into the sky and saw a few pegasus flying around, before they disappeared behind a huge cloud...

"Man its cloudy today..." I muttered to myself

Rainbow dash looked up into the sky and saw all the various clouds.

"I'll get rid of them.." Rainbow dash said confidently making me stare at here puzzled .

"What do you mean... I'll get rid of them ?!" I asked as I narrowed my eyes, what is she thinking? She says like that like she can control the weather...

Rainbow dash suddenly soared into the air at alarming speed, she left a brilliant rainbow trail behind her as she zipped through the sky, busting clouds apart into nothing as she flew. After about 10 seconds the sky was clear and she landed in front of me wearing a smug grin.

"Told you I'm awesome!" She said as she flipped her rainbow hair with a smirk.

I... I have no words for this... She broke... All the physics... I'm...so...confused...FUCKING PONIES!

I stared blankly at her and I just put my head down slowly in defeat.

Eventually she started going into this long speech about how "Awesome she was and how she was going to join the Wonder Bolts and how she could do Sonic Rainbooms or some shit I don't even know anymore...

A minute later Twilight finally emerged from Rarity's house.

"Finally!" I sad in relief as I stood up again.

Rainbow dash looked surprised as she pointed to me.

"You know him ?" She said in shock, Wait a second...

"You know her ?" I said pointing to Rainbow dash.

Twilight just nodded with a nervous smile.

"Rainbow dash meet Derrick, Derrick meet Rainbow dash!" She said pointing to us respectively.

"Hmm... It seems you to are already acquainted.." She said as she looked between us.

Rainbow dash pointed to herself proudly. "Yup! I was just showing this guy how awesome I am..."

"By stroking your ego? We heard all of it from inside..." Twilight said as she deadpanned.

Rainbow dash just snorted angrily and folded her hoofs.

Her attitude changed when she suddenly remembered something.

"Oh hay I forgot! I need to ask Rarity something!" She said putting a hoof to her face...kinda like a facepalm... But with hoofs...sigh...

"Sounds like a personal problem..." I said slyly as the rainbow pegasus ran up to the door pushing past Twilight.

"Gotta go! I'll see ya later Twi!" She blurted before disappearing inside Rarity's house.

I stood up and began to walk away.

"Let's Go Twilight!" I Muttered waving to her to lead the way and we began to walk again.

After some quiet Twilight spoke up.

"You should really apologize to Rarity... She feels terrible about what happened earlier.." Twilight said with her head down.

I just scoffed, I hope I never see her crazy ass again.

"Why should I apologize? I did nothing wrong! Besides she didn't even apologize to me!" I said in outrage.

"I know... But she said she would apologize later at a more appropriate time... Whatever that means..." She said looking a bit confused.

I just shook my head and looked away... Hey there's that hobbit house again... Oh looks like that's our stop, Twilight's heading there.

She knocked on the door of the hobbit house and we waited... And waited... And waited... Knocked again... And waited... And waited... Ok we're done here.

"Looks like Fluttershy isn't home..." Twilight said as she turned back to me and I sighed in annoyance.

"I guess it's off to Sugarcube corner then!" Twilight said happily as we walked back toward the gingerbread house. Something was off though... The streets were... Empty... There wasn't a single pony on the street.

"Where is everypony?" Twilight asked as she looked around worriedly.

"I don't like this... Something is up..." I said suspiciously. Where they fuck was everyone? This was beginning to creep me out...

After some walking we finally made it to the edible house or "Sugarcube corner".

"Well we're here! Let's get a cake from Pinkie and go to my place..." Twilight said as she opened the door.

Unlike the other places we visited, this was a restaurant, so it was a bit larger than you're average house...

As Twilight opened the door she gasped.

"What is it?" I said as I stuck my head through the doorway. Literally a second after I did that, the room lit up and there were ponies... ponies as far as my eyes could see. Most of them were just random towns ponies, but I actually recognized some of them. Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Spike and even Mac was here! There was also this yellow Pegasus with pink hair standing with them. They were all staring at me with warm smiles. So many ponies staring at me got me nervous, I would have retreated if Twilight wasn't standing behind me.

They all took deep breaths at the same time, then they all screamed at the top of there lungs.

"Suprise!" They all yelled in unison.

Sigh... Whos idea was this? I was hoping to be done with ponies for a while after we came here but Nnnooooo some bitch had to throw us a suprise party! and for what? By the time this is over I'm going to have a huge headache...

My thoughts were interrupted when I looked to my right and saw a pink pony with blue eyes, giving me a smile so wide that it actually DID pop off her face. Oh god that's worse than the Science face! Who is this?

"Hi I'm Pinkie pie!"
> Act 1 part 3: A Party and a Princess
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 1 part 3: a Party and a Princess

"Hi! so you're the new pony in town? Well your not exactly a pony... what are you? " Pinkie pie blurted loudly into my face. Sigh... 

"I'm a HUMAN!" I said loud enough for everyone to hear, there... Maybe I won't have to keep saying it now....

The crowd of ponies gasped in suprise, and the room fell silent. I HATE silence!

I slowly started backing away, only to bump into Twilight, who just nudged me forward again. What do they all want? They're just staring at me! Hmm....I know how to end this...

"My name is Derrick, but just call me DJ, as I've said before I'm a human. Don't annoy me and maybe you'll stay on my good side...now start you're party or whatever..." I said loudly before retreating to an empty corner of the room, sitting down and putting my hood on.

At first they all looked puzzled then they did what I said and started the party. It wasn't that complicated after that, normal party stuff happened like ponies laughing and socializing, while others embarrassed themselves dancing to some music, heh you'll never catch me dancing.... I think I'm just going to sit here and nap until this party blows over... Or not... Here comes the pink one...

" Do you like the party?!?" Pinkie asked with a hopeful grin.

I took my hood off and deadpanned, I would be miles away right now if Twilight didn't stop me. Back home I avoided most parties because I was really awkward at them... Especially around girls... I was just HORRIBLE.

"No..." I said bluntly

Pinkie's crazy mane and tail practically deflated and her physics breaking smile disappeared.

"Why...why not?" She asked with a quivering lip and watering eyes, holy shit! That look... Danm these ponies and there cuteness...it's not gonna work this time.

"I didn't want a party... Nor did I want to be around so many ponies at once... Plain and simple..." I said flatly.

"But you're new here! I have to plan a welcome party for new ponies in town! I do it for EVERYPONY!" She said with a smile. Huh... All of them were treated like this? Yeesh...

After she said that Twilight walked over with all of her friends, I was kinda happy to see Applejack and Mac but the rest of them can fuck off as far as I'm concerned... Wait what about that yellow one? Since Im probably going to be around Twilight for a while I'm probably going to meet her anyways... Let me just get this over with...

I walked over to the yellow Pegasus that seemed to be hiding behind the rest of the group.

"Hey you're one of Twilight's friends right?" I asked as I folded my arms. The pony just yelped and hid behind her hair, shaking nervously, the hell is her problem?

"Well are you?" I asked again raising my voice slightly and she just nodded sheepishly.

"You probably know my name already, so what's yours?" I asked, this is probably Fluttershy, but I don't know if Twilight has other friends so this could be anyone... Besides if this IS Fluttershy then the irony couldn't be worse...

"I'm...Fluttershy..."

"What?"

"My name is Fluttershy..."

"I can't hear you..."

"My..name..is..Fluttershy!"

"For fucks sake speak up!" I said with an annoyed tone making her shrink even smaller.

"Her name is Fluttershy..." Rainbow dash cut in as she saw that this introduction wasn't going well. I just stared at them both with a blank expression...

Wow... Really? The names fit WAY to fucking well here... Applejack is good with apples, Rainbow dash is fast and she's rainbow colored, Rarity... Well I'm not sure there... But Pinkie pie is pink and probably bakes pies, Twilight is good at magic and sparkles and shit, and Fluttershy is....Shy... Props to the parents of these girls for epic foreshadowing...

Speaking of fitting names... I wonder what Celestia and Luna will be like... Apprantly Celestia is taller than me... So if that's true then she's on HORSE status... I think if she is I would officially be intimidated, because horses kick HARD! But I don't really believe them for a second... Mac is probably taller than them both anyway...

My thoughts were interrupted when Rarity walked over to me, Oh god what does this bitch want...

"DJ? I'm Terribly sorry for my immature behavior earlier... I shouldn't have acted that way..." She said looking Down in shame, I just nodded.

"Especially to such a Handsome fellow..." She said with a nervous blush. OH god...no...just....NO! Ponies are not FLIRTING with me! I'm not getting dragged into this! This is the second fucking time! I swear watch the princesses say something like that... I will go drown myself!

"Yeah...uh...its OK..." I said quickly as I looked away. I looked up a second later and I noticed all the girls were blushing while Mac and Spike were facepalming. Alright I got the message guys...CHANGE THE SUBJECT! Let's see... I could show them my phone...nah they're not ready for it... Besides Twilight would go INSANE! I might show the princesses or something, maybe that would freak out less. Eh...I'm just going to ignore them for now.

I casually pulled up my left sleeve and checked my watch, I should probably get this thing set to the right time... I'll use that wall clock over there...
Before I walked even an inch Twilight ran up to me.

"DJ what is THAT???" She said pointing to my watch... What.. they don't have watches here?

"My...watch?" I said nervously as the Science face revealed itself.

"How come it...glows?" She asked curiously, her eyes sparkling. Oh... They don't have DIGITAL watches here...

"Its just a digital watch..." I began but was interrupted by Twilight's horn glowing. Then right before my eyes my Watch deconstructed itself to the point where its components could be seen clearly. OK that was cool...HOWEVER... if this can't be reversed, I'm gonna have to choke a bitch. Twilight's friends crowded around us In awe.

"I don't understand... How does this watch work without gears?" She said tilting her head in confusion as she stared at the parts.

"Its powered by electricity..." I said making her gasp.

"What? That's impossible! How can this tiny watch hold an electric charge that long? And I don't see any magic orbs..." She said in disbelief.

"Maybe...but this thing can..." I said as I pointed to the tiny cylinder battery.

Twilight looked like she was about try open it to my horror.

"No don't! There is ACID in there!" I said quickly.

"Cool..." Muttered Spike and Rainbow dash.

"Wait really why?" Twilight asked stepping back slightly. Shit...I really don't know why batteries have acid... I did at one point but I guess its one of those random facts you forget when you need it.

I sighed and shook my head.

"Look I didn't invent this thing! Just know that the battery powers the screen and the screen is just a bunch of tiny dots that light up to make a picture! And the green chip thing controls it all and tells time!" I said slightly annoyed in a attempt to explain.

She nodded and reversed the "deconstruction" spell and I was relieved when my watch was put back correctly. The battery was disconnected when she took it apart though so it was back to the default time setting, a flashing "12:00" which was still wrong.
"What else can it do?" Twilight asked curiously.

I just shrugged and pressed the buttons.

"It tells time and the date, Has a stopwatch, an alarmclock and it's waterproof.." I muttered as I flipped through the features that I remembered.

"Neat! We have similar devices but they are just powerd by magic stored in small orbs, converted to electricity, not electricity directly..." She explained. Huh... It just sounds like an over elaborate battery to me...

I walked over to the wall clock and adjusted my watch, it was about 5:40 pm so I assume it'll be dark soon and Luna will be coming later. I decided to not bother setting the date because thier calanders probably work differently anyways. After that I decided to go get a snack or something, Because I may aswell enjoy this somewhat...

As I walked over to the snack table the ponies politely moved out of my way and honored my request.

"See! I told you humans were REAL Bon-Bon!" A bluish unicorn in the crowd said, she looked like she was gonna come over or something but her friend stopped her.

"Come on Lyra.... Honor his request and leave him alone... for now..." Her friend said making me smile on the inside, yup just keep that awkwardness away...wait for now? What the hell does she mean?

Anyway I got to the table and there was all kinds of cakes, cookies, donuts, pies, iceream and brownies up there and oh my god...they taste so good it's like sex in my mouth! After grabbing a few snacks, I went to the drink stand which was oddly close to where the DJ was. The ponies seemed to have some kind of technology, because they had a nice set of speakers blasting music... I'm not sure how to describe the music really... Its.. Just party music I guess.

As I was getting a drink the DJ pony called out to me. She was white with light and dark blue hair and she was wearing shades.

"Yo! I know you wanted to be left alone but, You're kinda stealing my thunder dude..." The DJ said, I couldn't read her expression because of the danm sunglasses.

I looked to the pony in confusion, what does she mean?

"You're DJ...I'm DJ-Pon-3..." She said waving her hoof, oh I see where she's going with this.

"Heh... Don't worry I'm not really a DJ... I don't know shit about music or how to work any of that equipment... Its just a nickname..." I muttered and she nodded.
"The names Vinyl scratch by the way.." She said as she changed records with her magic, Danm... If I had magic I would be one lazy motherfucker, I probably would have had all the snacks floating to me instead of walking over here.

"Nice to meet you Vinyl... You seem pretty chill, but right now I'm just trying to get a drink..." I said pointing to the drink stand trying to escape the conversation.

Vinyl raised her sunglasses revealing her red eyes.

"Alright dude I'll see ya around or something..." she said with a wink and a smile, before putting her shades back on. I gulped nervously and walked over to the drinks. They had a bunch of lemonade, and jucies that I kinda recognized, but I decided to play it safe and get something basic. Hmm...I wonder if they have alcohol? Meh probably not, I shouldn't worry about something like that when I have to meet important people later...er ponies.

I got what i assumed was fruit punch and I returned to the corner where Twilight and the gang were. Apprantly while I was gone they decided to have a chugging contest, because Rainbow dash and Applejack were struggling with huge pitchers of dark liquid.

"Come on Rainbow dash you've got this!" Spike cheered.

"Yeah come on!" pinkie chanted 

"Ah know you can beat her sis!" Mac encouraged.

"Chug Applejack!" Twilight yelled.

They were both about half way done before Rainbow dash started to choke a little, but she kept going. Honestly I was betting on Applejack to win because she looked way calmer then Rainbow dash did, I guess people challenge her a lot... and I was right! because she slammed her cup on the table that they pulled up, a full 3 seconds before Rainbow dash did.

"Ha! Ah won!" Applejack said with a smirk.

Rainbow dash slammed her cup down a second later.

"No fair! I choked!"

Applejack shook his head," That's not ma problem... If you're gonna challenge me yur gonna have to get used to losin! " Applejack said confidently.

Spike facepalmed and slammed what looked like golden coins into Mac's waiting hoofs, making him smile victoriously.

"I warned you spike! You keep making bad bets!" Twilight said, looking disapointed.

Spike folded his arms and pouted angrily, muttering quietly to himself. Ha that's what you get little guy.

Everyone noticed I was back and they smiled at me, oh god what's up?

"So DJ...I bet you couldn't beat, BIG MAC in a chugging contest!" Pinkie pie said with a smug grin.

Mac smiled nervously and waved his hoofs in protest.

"Now I'm Sure DJ here wouldn't want to get embarrassed..." He said smugly.

"You saying I would lose?" I said, narrowing my eyes suspiciously.

"Ah might be..." He said looking up innocently. Oh you're ON motherfucker!

"Challenge accepted!" I said more confident then usual,
"Alright... What are we drinking?" I asked, stepping up to the table and staring him down.

"Ah dunno...Pinkie?" Mac said as he turned to her.

"Golden Bud Cider!" Pinkie said cheerfully, as she slammed two large pitchers onto the table, OK I have no idea what that drink is but all I know is Mac is going down.

"Alright hand it...er...hoof it over!" I said as she slid the cup to me, then she slid Mac his cup.

Mac and I glared at each other, determination burning in our eyes. We waited for Pinkie's signal as everyone got quiet to watch, hell even the ponies partying stooped and looked over to our chugging corner.

"Go!" Pinkie yelled and Mac and I started chugging.

Back home I was actually pretty good at chugging drinks, but I've never done it around so many people.... Ponies before (man I'll never get used to that...). As the first drop of "Golden bud cider" reached my tounge I almost spit it out immediately and I had to stop myself from tossing it across the room... But no...I had to beat this guy! He Thinks he show me up!?! Hell no!

So i maned up and just kept chugging, fortunately it looked like Mac was having a hard time with the stuff too because he scrunched his face up in disgust. After a few more seconds I slammed the cup on the table with a proud burp, way before Mac to everyone's suprise, well I guess they didn't expect the human to beat "Big" Mac. heh I should call him little Mac from now on... No that's that dude from punch out isn't it?.
Mac just glared daggers at me without saying anything while everyone else cheered, after some time the other ponies went back to partying.

"That was the worst fucking drink I've ever tasted!" I muttered as I shoved a pie in my mouth to alleviate the horrible taste, making everyone laugh.

"Ah...ah think I'm gonna hurl..." Mac said as he held his stomach and mouth with a sad groan. Danm I feel it too... What the hell was in that drink?

Pinkie looked puzzled for a second, she then examined the large barrel she got the drinks from and started sweating and smiling nervously.

"Oopsie..." Pinkie muttered, guilt written all over her face.

Twilight magicked the barrel to her to see for herself. She was reading what was probably the ingredients or something whenever her eyes suddenly shot open wide, and her pupils were tiny dots, OK what the HELL is in the drink???

"What's wrong Twilight?" Rainbow dash said as she flew over to read the barrel, then she gasped and looked at Mac and I, what the hell? are we poisoned?

I got tired of this shit and just walked over and read the barrel for myself. On the ingredients section in Bold red letters was the word ALCOHOLIC. Ohh no... I just chugged down a shit load didn't I? Oh god... I have to meet Luna while drunk and Celestia with a hangover? FUCK MY LIFE!

"You got the wrong barrel Pinkie! You were supposed to get the NON-alcoholic cider!!!" Twilight yelled in outrage.

Mac's ears drooped and the hair on my neck stood up.

"Oh my..." Rarity said bringing a hoof to her mouth.

"Uh oh..." Spike said nervously.

"Not good..." Apple jack said with a hoofpalm.

"Eeep!" Fluttershy said as she his behind her mane.

Mac and I slowly looked at each other with sad expressions, we started to feel abit... Woozy. A moment later Mac passed out on the floor, and then everything went black as my body hit the floor...

...




I woke up sitting on a coach, feeling like a train ran me over. What the hell happened? Oh yeah.... Mac and I passed out...

I looked around the room and I saw Mac sitting next to me, still knocked out and drooling, snoring quite loudly. I heard Twilight and her friends talking about something downstairs. But my drunken mind couldn't pick out what they are saying. A few moments later Mac shot awake and cringed.

"Ma head... DJ what happened?" He asked rubbing his head in pain.

"Got...wasted..." I said in confusion as I stumbled to my feet.

He tried to stand on his hoofs but he collapsed a few times.

"I recken we should never do that again..." Mac said with a frown as he came next to me.

"Agreed..." I muttered as I walked around trying to get my bearings.

"Ah think we should go downstairs..." Mac said as he drunkly stumbled to them and I followed.

He was about to go down the stairs but he suddenly froze in place when he heard a voice that I wasn't familiar with downstairs. Unfortunately my dumbass kept walking so I ran into him, knocking him over. Then both our dumbasses came crashing down Twilight's stairs, bumping around, loudly cussing like sailors.

When we were at the bottom of the stairs Mac and I slowly turned ourselfs upright, giving up on standing temporarily.

"Why the hell did you stop? I said in annoyance, glaringly at Mac who smiled nervously.

" Ah just thought I heard a familiar voice..." He said with a shrug...well the pony equivalent of one, sense their shoulder are different.

"Seriously fuck equestria and its godanm beer..." I said angrily.

"Ah have never had it before... Ah can barley even see straight right now..." Mac said as he slowly stood. It was then that we both realized that the room was really silent. We slowly looked around it.

Twilight was glancing around with a nervous smile, Spike was about to bust out laughing, Rainbow dash was snickering, Rarity looked horrified, Fluttershy just hid behind her mane, Applejack was staring at us blankly and Pinkie pie was giving us her signature physics breaking smile. They were all looking from us to the door and back, who the fuck are they looking at?

Mac and I slowly turned our heads toward the door and our eyes widened.
There was a dark blue pony with a HUGE mane that looked like it was part of the night sky itself and it was flowing... Somehow. She also had on these weird slipper thingies that looked like they were iron or something, she also had this black chest piece with a crescent on it and on top of her head was a black crown, oh shit that's Princess Luna isn't it?

Her expression was mix between amusement and downright confusion with a hint of excitement. She slowly walked over to us looking down on us as Mac and I looked up, sweating nervously as she stood over us.

"Uh...howdy there... Princess..." Mac said with a slight bow, his ears drooped and he was smiling nervously.

The Princess then gave a huge grin before snatching Mac off the ground into a tight embrace. OK this is hilarious! She is crushing him to death! Mac must be weaker than he looks or Luna is just strong as fuck...or both...

"We have missed thee Macintosh! How come you haven't written to us?" Luna said cheerfully as she Nuzzled the stallion.

"Ah have been....uh..busy..." Mac managed to say as he was still getting crushed. She seems to talk with old English or something... Maybe its a royal thing? 

"Well make sure to... We very much enjoyed thy company last season..." She told him making him shudder, oh my god.... Mac was... With... Luna last season? Sheesh... This guy must get ALL the mares! Judging from all the looks around the room I'm completely right. Fluttershy shy especially poked her head out with narrowed eyes. 

"Mac what happened last season?" I whispered to him.

"Later!" He said back with a wave.

Luna finally stopped squeezing him and let him breath some, he gasped for air as she kissed him on the cheek.

"We look forward to seeing thee again... this season..." She added with a wink and a seductive smile. I busted out laughing but she quickly turned and glared at me and I stopped.

"Sup..." I said awkwardly.

"So....this is the.... human?" The Princess asked as she looked to Twilight for confirmation and she nodded back.

She looked back to me and just stared. I got tired of sitting on my ass so I tried to stand again, stumbling backwards slightly. When I looked at Luna again, I noticed that she was about an inch above my eye level. Well crap...I liked being able to look down on all these motherfuckers, something I didn't get to do back home. This chick is actually Kinda scary, she is stronger than Mac and her horn wasn't short and stubby like Twilight or rarity's, pointy things make me nervous...

My thoughts were completely shattered by an ear splitting yell.

"GREETINGS HUMAN! WE ARE THE MOON PRINCESS, LUNA!" She screamed into my face, almost knocking Mac and I back, holy shit this bitch is LOUD!

"Oh god...never do that again.." I said, clutching my ears in pain, Mac was doing the same.

"Relax Human! Tis just the Royal canterlot greeting!" She said dismissing it like it was nothing.

"Ah....ah think ma ears are bleedin..." Mac said as he held them worriedly.

Luna giggled, "oh always such a joker Macintosh..." She said with a smile, um...I don't think he's joking... Then again his fur is red sibi can't tell...

"We are quite impressed! Golden bud cider is among one of the strongest beers in equestria! Thee should be greatful that thy have awakened so quickly... Or at all..." She said with a nod before her face turned grim.

"However unlike other equestrian beers, Golden Bud will not leave thy systems through natural means like regular alcohol...especially sense thy consumed so much in one sitting..."

"So we're gonna stay drunk...FOREVER???" Mac asked with concern as he burped.

"Nay...there is a detoxification facility in canterlot..." She said with a shake of her head, fuck... That means we have to go to canterlot doesn't it...

"I have arranged for thee to go to it tomorrow to get...cleansed." She said with a smirk.

"I've also informed my sister, so thy will be meeting her in canterlot rather than here..." She added, great now I get to be intemedated by this bitch In her CASTLE, and if I'm this scared of Luna then CELESTIA might make me flip.

Mac and I groaned with annoyance, I don't think he likes this either.

"Thankfully while the effects of Golden Bud are long lasting, they are not as... potent as other bears... So you're drunken behavior will fade in and out at random." She said hopefully.

"What do ya mean fade.......eegaaaaaaaa...." Mac said as he trailed of into a slurred unintelligible speech as his mouth drooled.

"Like that..." Luna said with a giggle.

"OK...this is nice of you and all... But I don't know my way around canterlot... And you're probably too busy to guide us..." I said with a raised brow.

"And that's why I'm coming with you!" Twilight cut in with a smile, wonderful... More science! Ugh...

"I used to live there after all... Besides I want to check the canterlot royal archives, and see what they have on HUMANS.." She said as the Science face appeared.

"Cool..." I said as I stumbled, I think the drunk is "fading in" right now... OK Derrick... Don't say anything stupid...

"So Luna why the fuck is you're cutie mark an ink stain with a moon on it? I said pointing to her flank. yup.....Totally Nailed it....

At first she looked embarrassed then all the anger surfaced. Mac slowly scooted away from us as Luna's frown grew and her eyes turned white.

" Twilight? "

"Yes Princess?"

"Please inform the human that we are about to Royaly kick thy plot!" She said as she glared at me. Godanm what did I get myself into?

"Er...DJ? Ah would start runnin partner..." Mac whispered. I only got about 5 feet before I tripped on the floor drunkly, it didn't matter though because in a split second Luna was on top of me.

...

Yeah... so... I woke up with a black eye and I can't feel my ass....so.... danm... She literally kicked it! Everyone was staring silently except Spike and Rainbow dash, who thought this was funny as hell.

It was at this moment that I finally realized for the first time that this WAS REAL. I'm not in a coma, I'm not having some kind of dream and I'm not HIGH. All this magic pony bullshit was REAL and as far as I know I could be here FOREVER. All of that hit me like a speeding bullet.

I slowly stood up and walked straight out of Twilight's door without saying a word. I walked away from her house to a nearby hill, contemplating this new harsh reality. I sat atop the hill sorrowfully, the sun was still out but it looked like it was going to set, I guess Luna came early... I sat there thinking... am I ever going to adjust to this place? Is it possible that I can go back to my old life? These were the things I pondered as I threw a piece of gum in my mouth, in an attempt to lower my stress.

However I swallowed it painfully when i heard a voice behind me.

"Human?" Oh shit its Luna!

I quickly stood up and was about to run until I was stopped by magic...sigh...

"Calm thyself human... We will bring no more harm to thee"... Luna said as she walked up me with an annoyed expression. She let me go and I smiled nervously.

" We... apologize for lashing out at thee... Sometimes it is hard for us to control our anger... " she said lowering her head in shame.

I just sighed and folded my arms.

"It's OK..." I said with a weak smile, I was still in pain after all. I sat back down slowly, but this time I just layed on my back. Luna sat on her haunches next to me with a smile, well I guess she wants to talk? Ugh...

"Does thy know how thee have arrived in equestria?" She asked.

I shook my head, I still don't remember what happened yesterday...

"My sister has some theories... But we shall discuss those later..." She said looking somewhat troubled.

Suddenly I felt I slight gust of wind whenever Luna stretched her....wait what?

"You have WINGS???" I asked sitting up nervously.

The Princess looked amused at my reaction and chuckled.

"Why are thee surprised? Rainbow dash and Fluttershy have wings..." She said raising her brow, Well at least she has a better wingspan...

"But...but... You already have a horn!!!" I said in outrage as I pointed to it.

Luna just looked at me like I was crazy, as I tried to comprehend this shit.

"So you're a....pegacorn?" I asked in confusion

"Nay we are an Alicorn... A rare pony with Earth pony strength, Unicorn magic and Pegasus flight!" Luna explained. So Apple jack is an earth pony? you've got to be kidding me... Sigh... This just keeps getting better and better...

I facepalmed right then and there with an annoyed sigh.
"What is troubling thee human?" She asked innocently.

"All this magic bullshit..." I said bluntly. Making Luna look confused.

"What bull manure magic are you speaking of?" She asked tilting her head.

"Nevermind.." I said as I buried my head into my hands. 

Luna just shrugged it off, she looked into the sky.

I could feel the drunk coming back as I asked my next question.

"So what the hell does your cutie mark mean anyways?" I asked without restraint.

I saw a flash of anger appear before it quickly faded "Well we are responsible for raising and lowering the moon..." She said casually. I swear... Who do these ponies think they are? All this telekinesis and controlling the weather and shit... I'm putting my foot down right now.

"No..." 

"Excuse me?"

"No!"

"No what?"

"You can't move the fucking moon!" I yelled in drunken outrage, Luna looked FURIOUS!

"HOW DARE YOU..." She quickly stopped herself and calmed down.

"How dare thee question the power of the Princess of the night?" She said, still angry but quieter.

"I don't care! Just because your named after the moon doesn't mean you can move the danm thing!" 

"Fine..."

"See I knew it was a..."

"We will Prove it too you!" She said with a confident smirk, As she stood up. Alright I have to see this shit...

By the time we finished the sun had set... Quite fast actually... I guess we've been talking for a while...

"Prepare to be proved wrong human..." Luna said with a smirk as her magic lit up. Then a second later the moon started moving up into the night sky and all the stars revealed themselves. No....no....just no! There is NO WAY! This bitch is faking!

"You're faking it! You're just pretending to do it as the moon comes up normally!" I yelled as I pointed an accusing finger at her.

Luna's smirk only got wider as she shook her head in disappointment.

Then all of a sudden the moon started zipping around the sky and the stars aligned into a a pattern that said,"Yes I can!". Sigh.... I hate this place...

I just silently lowered my head in defeat and plopped onto the ground. Luna stood over me with a smug grin and I frowned.

"Fuck you..."

"Thee may be quite cute...but we do not wish to mate with thee..." Luna said, her smug grin not moving an inch.

" That's not what I...." I said before burying my head into my hands again.

"Just...shut up...."

"It would be wise for thee to watch thy tounge... For thee will lose it quickly if thy don't show respect..." Luna said in a dark threatening tone that caught me off guard. OK message received...

I just sat there wide eyed and nodded slowly.

"Good! Now come! Let us indulge in cake and icecream!" She said in a cheerful tone as she trotted back to Twilight's. She quickly stopped and turned around suddenly.

"We have forgotten..." She said slowly.

"Forgotten what?" I asked, curiously.

"To heal thy wounds..." She said looking at me as if I knew...wait seriously?

"Waa?" Was all I managed before her horn glowed and I felt my pain go away...well except my stomach and drunken mind.

Luna just watched me Waiting for me to say something as I sat with my deadpan expression.

"Human?" She said looking slightly worried.

"Derrick..."

"Derrick?"

"That's my name..."

"Oh We apologize..." Luna said looking ashamed, hell she should be! Walking around calling me by my species... Its not like i just call her "pony "... Well that wouldn't work sense there's so many of them... 

" Alright I guess we should go now..." I said pointing to the tree. And with that we headed back but of course It was mandatory I update this first...

DJ's checklist of bullshit:

Talking technicolor ponies:√
Talking technicolor ponies with HORNS: √
MAGIC: √
Talking technicolor baby DRAGONS:√
Shity Broken Physics: √
EVERYONE is naked:√
Talking technicolor ponies with WINGS:√
Talking technicolor pony that can move the moon, has wings and a horn, and hair with no physics whatsoever:√√





















> Act 1 part 4: Meet Celestia
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 1 part 4: Meet Celestia

Going back to Twilight's was a bit of a drag, because halfway there my drunk ass tripped and fell, so Princess Luna had to Carry me the rest of the way. Then when she set me down in front of the door I bumped my head on the short ass doorframe, right in front of everyone... Yeah... Saying I was embarrassed would be an understatement... So after the laughter faded we all sat down and... Indulged In cake and icecream.

I thought I should find out some more about this little "trip" Mac and I were about to go on.

"Hey Princess... When exactly are we leaving for canterlot?" I asked curiously. Luna turned to me and put here food down.

"Well it is up to thee really... We can leave tonight or tomorrow, whichever is preferred."

"Well what do you think?" I said as I looked at Mac and Twilight.

Twilight sat in thought while Mac spoke up almost immediately.

"Ah say we just leave tonight... No use waitin around.." Mac said with a shrug.

"Well I'm not bringing much... So we can leave tonight..." She said with some uncertainty.

Spike quickly jumped up excitedly.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Can I come too?" He asked as he ran in front of Twilight with a pleading smile.

"Sorry...I don't think so Spike...somepony has to watch the library while I'm gone. Princess, how long do you think we'll be gone?" Twilight asked.

"Hmm...we are not sure... It should only take a few hours... But the doctors may make thee stay longer..." Luna said.

Spike's face fell and he returned to his seat and shoved cake into his mouth.

"Well I haven't slept at all sense I got here so... If I try and sleep before we go then I Know I won't even bother to get up in the morning..." I said honestly with a shrug.

"Hmm...it seems thy should leave tonight then..." Luna said as she summoned a scroll and quill to appear in front of her, yet another example of how useful but physics breaking magic is. 

"We shall inform the guard to have a Carriage arrive in one hours time..." She said as she wrote the letter. When she sent it off it kinda just flashed away instead of her burning it... Huh.. I guess everyone does it differently?

Everyone finished their food quickly, because most of us didn't get too much in the first place because of eating at that lame party.

Applejack cleared her throat before standing up and stretching.

"Well ah think I should start headin out... Gotta wake up early in the mornin... And work will be a might harder without Big Mac around.." Applejack said with a sigh. A few moments later Rarity stood up and stretched too.

"Well it is getting quite late and I have many orders to fill tomorrow, I also must get my beauty sleep..." She said. Spike suddenly looked up from his cake He was giving Rarity this weird look... What's his deal?

"I have a bunch of parties to make, sweets to bake and frowns to break!" Pinkie said cheerfully as she started to hop around the room. This bitch doesn't walk like the rest of them... She hops around like a fucking rabbit... Something is definitely OFF about Pinkie...

"I really must get home.. Angel must be starving without me..." Fluttershy said in a barley audible tone. My god this Pony should take lessons from Luna... She's so quiet... Which is funny because Luna is so loud... Maybe they can learn from each other...

"Eh... I'm bored...this lack of awesome is making me sleepy... I'll see you ponies around..." She said with a casual shrug.

After that they all stood up, then they started...nuzzling... It was really awkward, is that like hugging for them? Seems way too personal for my taste. Thankfully, nobody here was tall enough to nuzzle me besides Mac and Luna, and I knew there was no way in HELL Mac would nuzzle me, and Luna... Well there isn't much I could do to stop her but I'm pretty sure she's too into Mac anyways.

And with that they wished Mac and I Good luck and then they disappeared out door, leaving Me, Luna, Mac, Twilight and Spike sitting awkwardly.

"We believe the Royal carriage should arrive soon so just Relax..." Luna suggested as she layed back on the coach. Her and Twilight started talking about something while Mac and I just sat a few feet away silently. Spike walked over to us and sat. We kind of just ignored him for the most part until he started whispering something.

"So Big Mac... What DID happen last Season?" Spike asked curiously, making sure the girls couldn't hear.

"Ah said later!" He whispered sternly.

" Besides... You're too young to know anyhow!" He added.

"Aw come on! I know what happens during mating season... I'm not stupid..." Spike said with a roll of his eyes.

"But..you're a baby! How the hell do you know that?" I questioned.

"I live in a library... You really think that I wouldn't get curious one day and read about it?" Spike said, folding his arms.

"Besides..." He said, a confident smile crossed his face.

"Everypony calls me a baby, but really I'm more of a teenager!" spike said pointing a proud claw to himself.

"But... You're tiny..." I said with confusion.

"It's true! I just know I'm getting a growth spurt soon!" Spike said as he looked to Mac hopefully.

"Ah still AIN'T gonna tell you Spike..." Mac said as he folded his forehoofs.

"Come on Big Mac! Did she get you in your dreams?" Spike asked curiously as he pleaded for some kind of answer.

Mac held his hoofs together nervously as he answered.
"Sorta..." He said with a nervous Smile.

"Wait what the hell do you mean by she got you in you're dreams ? " I asked, confused.

" Princess Luna has the ability to enter other ponies dreams..." Spike explained.

I just starred at him with a deadpan expression looking between the two of them in disbelief.

"Really?"

"Eyyup!"

I just kept staring with a blank face, not buying any of this shit.

" Go home Mac you're drunk... "I said with a roll of my eyes. 

" Huh?"

"Never mind...", he probably won't get that joke...

A few silent minutes passed, well for us anyway, Twilight and Luna were still happily talking away. Mac started to fall asleep and i almost dozed off too before a pony knocked on the door. Probably the carriage...

Twilight happily answered, sure enough this male Pegasus pony wearing armor was at the door. This was the only other male pony I've seen so far...up close... I saw a handful In ponyville. To be honest this guy isn't that big... Maybe pegasi are just smaller than regular ponies... Or maybe Mac is just making him seem small. Something was different about him though... He looked like a...bat? Or a vampire? Or both maybe? I guess that's just how the guards Dress here? If its supposed to intimidate people than it sure didn't work...

"Greetings Princess Luna.." The pony that looked like the leader said as he and the other 3 guards bowed respectfully. 

"Greetings Black dusk... We trust thee have had a fine night thus far?" Luna said as she acknowledged the guards with a friendly nod. Black dusk? Seriously? the names here...

"Indeed I have Princess..." He replayed plainly, his face showing barely any emotion whatsoever, I think he takes his job too seriously...

Luna cleared her throat and turned back to the rest of us.

"Is everypony ready to depart?" She asked.

"I'm ready!" 

"Eyyup!"

"Sure whatever..." I said with a shrug that made Black dusk raise his brow slightly. I guess the guy isn't used to anyone talking to Princess Luna like that.

A moment later we all walked out the door, "See ya spike! I'll be back soon!" Twilight said with a wave, he waved back and shut the door behind us.

The guards led us to what looked like a long, sleek, night themed carriage with a large green eye on the front... These ponies have design issues... Why the hell is there a big eye instead of something more relevant to Luna like oh I don't know...THE MOON!

The guards attached cables to themselves and got into formation while everyone got into the carriage. Mac and I sat first, we each sat on the far ends of the comfy seat. Twilight then sat next to me while Luna sat in between Twilight and Mac. Mac started to fidget nervously while Luna signaled the guards to take off.

I noticed Mac looked really stressed out, and it doesn't look like Luna is the cause...

"What's your problem Mac?" I asked worriedly.

"Ah...ah kinda...hate flyin..." He said with a nervous gulp.

"Ha! Flying is fine! Come on don't be a wuss..." I said with a laugh. It was kind weird... I was really afraid of heights but I never had problems flying back home.

Luna suddenly grabbed Mac into another crushing embrace.

"Tis alright that thou art afraid... We shall comfort thee.." Luna said with a giggle as the poor red stallion struggled for air. Jesus girl let a guy breath! She eventually loosened her grip and just settled with nuzzling Mac affectionately while he sat with a sheepish grin.Twilight and I just looked at each other with deadpan expressions.

I looked over to the guards and they were all watching the scene and snickering behind thier hoofs except Black dusk who gave them all a stern look, making them nervously snap forward.

They all started to run and the carriage lurched forward slowly. We began to pick up speed, and eventually the Pegasi opened their wings and we were in the air, accelerating quite fast through the night sky.
The wind was blowing through my face and I looked below to see the tiny dot that was now ponyville. Honestly I was getting kinda nervous now... This is kind of... Different...

"I thought you said flying was fine..." Twilight said with a smug grin.

"I know but this is way different compared to human air transportation.." I said with a cringe as I felt a pit in my stomach.

"How so?" Twilight asked curiously.

"Well for starters they are completely closed off and airtight, So no wind blowing in your face and no chilly night air. Also you can't see as much on a human plane, they just have tiny little windows." I said sheepishly.

"Hmph... Whatever you say..." Twilight said as she turned away from me. I got that drunk feeling again and I suddenly had the urge to yell strange things.

"Yeah! I'm Santa motherfuckers!" I yelled suddenly, making everyone stare at me wide eyed in confusion, even the guards turned back to my little outburst. I'm guessing they also have no clue who Santa is either so they wouldn't get the reindeer pulling a slay thing.

The guards slowly turned their heads back with worried expressions. Then it seemed like it was Mac's turn To do some stupid shit, because He was slowly scooting away from Luna to the edge of the carriage. Unfortunately he somehow managed to forget where we were and he fell right off the edge... Yeah....good thing Luna has magic...

The guards were now looking back, even more concerned this time. Twilight noticed their troubled gazes and spoke up.

"Heh...You know how it is... with Golden Bud Cider!" She said dismissing them with a hoof. Their mouths were small "o's", as understanding suddenly dawned on them and they turned back, well I guess this Golden Bud stuff is a common problem. I'm pretty sure beer NEVER worked like that back home, so I can barley imagine the other crazy ass food and drinks they have in equestria.

After a few minutes, I started to doze off, but Twilight suddenly jerked me awake. I put my head up with an annoyed sigh.

"What is it?"

"That's Canterlot down there!" Twilight said as she pointed to a nearby mountain. My jaw dropped, this place was...amazing! It was a fancy white marble and Gold city with a large castle on the far edge built on the side of a big ass mountain. My amazement turned to anger when I realized the whole thing was held up by only 1 support. I deadpanned and folded my arms. Luna raised a brow at my reaction.

"Do you not Like my sister's fair city? She has worked very hard on keeping it the way thee see it now..." Luna asked.

"No its great and stuff but...wait I thought you rule the place too?" I said as I narrowed my eyes.

"We do but I was not around for the citie's initial construction... We had...er family issues at the time..." Luna said with a nervous smile. Normally I would have gone further but I was too drunk to care anymore, so I just nodded and sat back in my seat.

...

"DJ wake up!" Twilight said as I jerked awake again. I turned to see everyone staring at me, except Mac who was just waking up too. It was then that I realized I was leaning on Twilight and I quickly got up, It was odd that I somehow wasn't crushing her.

"Er...my bad..." I said quickly with a nervous smile.

"Oh don't worry about it..." Twilight said with a blush, ugh... not her too! I can't be that good looking to them...

I looked around and we seemed to be in a landing area behind the castle, it had a few other carriages, a place that looked like a repair garage, and some more bat pony guards.

"My sister should be waiting in the throne room, however it is quite late so you're meeting will be quite brief." Luna said as we followed her through a few guarded doors, I was too drunk and tired to care about anything else at that moment so I just blindly followed her, it seemed Mac was in a similar boat because he was moping around next to me. We passed through a gigantic set of doors, then I looked over to Mac

"You hanging in there Mac?" I asked worriedly, the golden bud seemed to be hitting him hard.

"Hagin in there... Ah think..." He said with a nervous laugh.

"Yeah i hope we don't have to deal with this shit for too long..." I said with a sigh.

"Ah agree partner, its mighty annoying how it fades in and out..." He said, nodding.

"Let's hope the Golden Bud doesn't make me look like a jackass in front of Princess Celestia... " I said as I rubbed my forehead.

"Ahem.." Someone far in front of us cleared their throat. Mac and I looked around, apprantly we were already in the throne room. So my eyes trailed from the red carpet to a large throne chair, to a...horse?

A large white pony wearing golden...slippers? With wings and a long mane that flowed somehow like Luna's, except it was a lot longer and it was multicolored, thankfully the colors weren't ridiculous like Rainbow Dash's mane.. I think i would throw up rainbows. She was tall and slender and she had on a chest plate, necklace......thingie? It was similar to Luna's except it was a lot fancier and it had a purple jewel in the center, and atop her head was a golden crown, oh...that's Princess Celestia...danm...just...danm...I have to admit... She is one majestic looking motherfucker... Whoa... Where did that come from?

"Ah... Hello friends!" She said as she walked up to us, I quickly noticed 2 things about Celestia. #1, she is tall as FUCK, she is literally a head above me... Not even including the horn and crown and all that...which brings me to #2... That horn... Is really...REALLY long! It looked like it was around the same length as my forarm, or maybe even my whole arm! it was pretty hard to tell at the time because of the golden bud...

I kind of dwelled on the horn thing a bit to long. Thankfully, Celestia was greeting the other ponies standing next to me first.

"Tia! Tis great to see thee! How art thou?" Luna said cheerfully as they Nuzzled, jeez...ponies are really touchy feely...

"Oh I've been better... I am just a little drowsy is all!" Celestia replyed with a soft voice and a kind smile. She then moved onto Twilight, lowering her head slightly.

"Hello my faithful student! Have you had a good day?" She said with a kind smile.

"Oh yes! I didn't write a letter about it because I was coming here and it would be easier to just...you know... tell you about  in person...if that's OK..." Twilight said with a nervous laugh as she Nuzzled Celestia.

"Oh it's quite alright! I would love to hear about you're day, perhaps in the morning..." She said with a giggle. Then she moved onto Mac who was looking at Celestia with narrowed eyes Ever since we got here. When she looked at him she snickered slightly.

"Hello Big Macintosh! How's the foreleg?" She asked making him narrow his eyes even more.

"Its fine...." He said as he rubbed his right foreleg with his hoof.

"Still holding a grudge are we?" Celestia asked, as she snickered again, a sly grin across her face.

"No..." Mac said sarcastically.

"Oh...well it happened so long ago... I didn't think you'd still be upset about it..." She said, looking up innocently.

"Ah know ah know..." He said with a weak smile. He then leaned in close and started whispering.

"We need to talk you're highness..." He whispered quietly.

"About?" Celestia said with a suspicious look.

"About HER...." Mac said as he gestured toward Luna, who was none the wiser.

"What do you...oh I see..." Celestia said as she realized. And smiled at her sister who just waved. She then nodded toward Mac and raised her head, then she walked in front of me... Oh shit...

"Greetings! I am Princess Celestia Ruler of Equestria! What was you're name?" She asked kindly. Unfortunately for me my brain decided at that moment to bring up a scene from a movie called the cabin in the woods, where a Unicorn brutally kills a guy by stabbing him in the chest with it's horn...yeah that helps with my fear of pointy things... It also didn't help that her height and importance was scaring me either.

"Uh..." Was all I could manage making her raise her brow.

"His name is Derrick..." Twilight said for me as I stood there nervously.

"Derrick? That's an interesting name..." Celestia said as she kept staring down at me. I could feel the drunkness coming and my fear disappearing as I talked again.

"You're really tall..." I said bluntly, Celestia just sat there blankly.

"Yes...I am..." She said after a moment, she tilted her head slightly in confusion.

"And...you're horn is...long..." I said as I stared at it.

Celestia deadpanned and leaned forward.

"Yes that's an interesting observation...but I"

"Is it a bone or something?" I interrupt.

"What?" The Princess asked, looking confused and annoyed.

"You're horn... Is it a bone?" I asked again as I examined it closely. Before Celestia could respond, I did something that in another situation I would never even think to do. I reached out and touched the tip of Celestia's horn.

I felt a slight tingle as Celestia's eyes widened and her cheeks turned as red as a tomatoes, her wings slowly stretched out until they became stiff. Mac was cringing, Twilight's jaw was on the floor and the look on Luna's face could have killed Chuck Norris.

What? I said innocently as Luna slowly stomped over to us, Twilight and Mac quickly moved out of her way.

"Unhoof Her...NOW!" She boomed at me and I quickly removed my hand, making Celestia's wings fall, she slowly regained her composure, but her nervous expression stayed the same.

"What's the Big deal?" I asked honestly as Luna stepped closer, each step made the pit in my stomach deeper.

"HOW DARE YOU TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY SISTER HUMAN?" Luna screamed in my face, her eyes glowed white as she powered up, making me tremble in fear, seriously I just might shit myself.

Suddenly some guards rushed into the room.

"Is everything alright you're Highness?!?" The lead guard asked, it was Black dusk again, I guess he's like Luna's Right hand..er right hoof man..er..right hoof pony.

"NAY! SEIZE THIS HUMAN! HAVE HIM EXECUTED!!!" Luna boomed as she stomped her hoof loudly, welp shit just got real.

"Uh oh..." I muttered as I came out of my drunken daze, the guards rushed up to me and surrounded me, I just stepped back slowly with my hands up. They were about to tackle me whenever Celestia spoke up.

"STOP! That will not be necessary!" Celestia said sternly making the guards stop in their tracks.

"I'm sure Derrick was not aware how sensitive and personal a ponies Horn is. I also must remind you that he is still under the effects of Golden Bud Cider, which effects his Judgment and decision making..." She said calmly.

Luna sighed angrily and calmed down slightly, making her eyes return to normal.

"Fine...return to thy duties Black dusk..." She said quietly.

"Of course Princess..." He replied obediently, as they backed off and swiftly left the room, leaving it completely silent.

I quickly let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, making Luna glare at me again angrily, this time I tried to ignore her.

"What the hell is the big deal? All I did was poke her horn!" I muttered in frustration. At first nobody said anything, so I just scoffed and turned away from them all.
"Great...here in equestria you get excuted with out knowing what the fuck you did wrong..." I said aloud to Myself. Twilight cringed and cleared her throat and I turned back.

"Well... A unicorn's horn is very...sensitive to touch...it is the center of our magic after all... Touching one is considered taboo unless you're an intimate couple... " she said awkwardly. Wow... I managed to violate her... Within 30 seconds of meeting... Danm... I'm really bad at introductions.

"God Danm it..." I muttered to myself as I facepalmed. Twilight started to talk about the specifics on how contact with a ponies horn could..."arouse" a pony and what not, but I stopped listening because I noticed something.

The finger that I used to touch her horn went numb... Like completely. My hand was also shaking uncontrollably, what the hell?

Then I started to feel woozy, significantly more than before. The numbness, and shaking started on my other arm and I felt it spreading up them slowly. I stumbled backward a step in confusion, making Twilight stop her awkward rant that nobody listened to short.

"DJ are you...feeling OK?" She asked worriedly as she took a step towards me. Everyone was deep in their own thoughts so they all looked over after she said that, unfortunately I could barely even stand at that point.

The shaking spread to my entire body and the numbness overwhelmed both arms, my head now pulsed in pain, and I felt something in my nose...it was...blood? I started to breath heavily as I feel to one knee, Mac, Celestia, Twilight and even Luna quickly rushed over, what the hell happened to me? All they're eyes widened even more when they saw my nosebleed.

I slowly lost my bearings and fell forward, I heard voices calling my name before I was knocked out.

...

"Derrick! Wake up!" I heard someone scream, I suddenly jerked awake.

I slowly pushed myself upward only to realize that my forehead ached really badly.

"Thanks for catching me assholes..." I muttered angrily as I dusted myself off. I looked around and I was getting an assortment of looks, Celestia stared at me with a worried expression and she looked a bit flushed. Luna still looked somewhat angry but she couldn't hide her concern. Twilight looked speechless, she sat there completely emotionless. And Mac just cringed as he looked at me, they were all staring silently.

I then remembered the pain and numbness I felt before I passed out, and realized it was gone... well mostly. My hands still felt...tingly. The ponies blank stares started to annoy me.

"What?" I asked as I folded my arms.

"Your eyes..." Twilight said quietly.

"What? What's wrong with my eyes?" I asked worriedly.

"They're glowing..." Celestia said with a cringe.

"What the fuck do you mean?" I asked as I looked suspicious, Celestia motioned to a nearby mirror and I walked over to it.

I haven't looked in a mirror sense I got to this place, I noticed that a few things were different, all blimishes, freckles and and other skin imperfections, were now completely gone. I mean... I barley had that in the first place but still, my skin was completely clear and smooth now. Unfortunately, The main thing I noticed about myself, was the fact that my eyes were glowing a brilliant golden color.

When I saw this I jumped away as my golden eyes widened in horror. I gasped as I stumbled back and fell on my ass, staring at myself in horror.

"Oh...my...god..." 

We all sat quietly as I took in my appearance. I stood up again, still staring at myself and clenched my fists.

"Is...is this a side effect of Golden bud?" I asked shakingly.

"No...this looks more like..." Celestia started, but trailed off.

"What? It looks like what?" I yelled as I turned and walked up to her angrily, she stood there silently with a worried stare.

"Magic..." Twilight cut in and we turned to her. "It looks like Princess Celestia's to be precise..." She added with a calm and serious tone.

" Wait how do you know it's even hers?" I ask.

"Well Princess Celestia's magical Aura is golden...just like yours.." She said as she pointed to me.

"Don't be ridiculous.." I said as I looked down and froze. Much like my eyes, my hands had a strange golden energy flowing from them... They glowed like unicorn horns did when they use thier magi... Oh fuck....

I waved my hands around and watched the energy flow from them, this was unreal! 
However, despite all the evidence before me I was still in denial about this.

"Come on its not like I can shoot lasers now or somth...." I was interrupted by a large beam that shot out of my right hand, Luna quickly stopped it with her magic before it hit anything.

"Derrick! Thou should not be so reckless!" Luna said angrily. I turned to her and narrowed my eyes.

" How the fuck was I supposed to know that I could shoot lasers with these magical bullshit powers that almost killed me less than a minute ago!!!" I snapped at her.

"Thou art lucky we didn't slay thee for Laying a hoof on ROALTY!" She shot back as she stepped closer.

"I'm sorry for touching her and all but I wasn't even thinking properly at the moment because ya know... Equestria's crazy beer! I yelled as I took a step forward.

" Thou will NOT speak to ROYALTY In this manner!" Luna said sternly, taking another step.

"You can take your royalty and shove it up your ass!" I said defiantly. After that I heard something audibly snap as Luna's eye twitched.

"That's it..."

Luna growled angrily and charged at me, but before she got to me a wall of gold appeared in between us.

"ENOUGH!!!" Celestia yelled with a stomp of her hoof, louder then I've ever heard Luna yell.

Both Luna and I froze in our tracks as the golden wall faded away. Celestia walked up to us with an angry look of disappointment.

"Cease this useless banter! It's not going to get anypony anywhere! You can not change the events that have transpired already, so just calm your self's and accept it!" Celestia said as she scolded both of us. Luna lowered her head in shame, and I just scoffed and looked away, she may be right but right now I'm still struggling with the fact that I now have magical powers, I mean what's next? Am i going to morph into a fucking pony?(no)

Behind us Twilight and Mac let out breaths that they were holding as they wiped sweat from their foreheads.

Eventually Celestia sighed and her eyes softened.

"Look...it has been a long and stressful day for everypony... Let's all get some rest and sort this out tomorrow..." Celestia said as she glanced at all of our tired faces. Princess Celestia looked tired, Twilight and Mac were tired, hell I was tired too...after my body stopped pumping gallons of adrenaline into my veins whenever Luna was about to rip my head from my shoulders. Everyone was tired... Except for Luna... It might just be the excitement of the moment but she looked like she could stay up all night, What's up with that?

Celestia walked over to her sister who stood with a sorrowful expression.
"Goodnight Lulu... I hope the rest of the night will be good for you... And don't worry about me, I'm fine..." Celestia said kindly to calm Luna who just sighed.

"Come my ponies... I will show you where you will be sleeping tonight..." She said as she started to walk away with Mac and Twilight following close behind. Luna looked like she was about to say something to me before being inturrpted.

"You too Derrick..." Celestia called out. I just gave Luna a quick wave before jogging to catch up with Celestia and the others, she just watched me go with a sad troubled expression, as Celestia used her magic to Open the Two big ass doors.

As we passed the doors I saw the 4 guards from earlier waiting outside eagerly. Three of them immediately rushed inside while the last one, Black dusk glared daggers at me before running inside, bitch I'm not scared of you...

We passed a few more guards, some more doors and some other stuff that my drunk mind didn't pick up on before we arrived on the guest hall. it reminded me of a hotel hallway, except it wasn't super cramped and narrow. Funny thing about hotel hallways... You always seem to run faster in them...

"Wait here Derrick..." Celestia said as she and the ponies walked toward the various doors, and I just sat with my hands in my pockets and watched.

After Celestia showed them to their rooms Twilight and Mac waved to me and I waved back before they each disappeared into a separate guest room. then Celestia walked back toward me. 

"Come Derrick... You will be staying in a different room..." She said calmly as I followed her sheepishly. What did she mean? Was she actually mad about this and this "different room" was actually the dungeon? Or is it some EXTRA fancy room that's for VIPs? Or maybe even...her room? No no no... I'm pretty sure she's not that fast...wait the hell am I thinking?
We walked in silence for a while, I made sure to keep next to her so we could stay in each others vision so she knew I wasn't going to try anything. Eventually I sighed and stopped walking, the Princess turned quickly looking puzzled.

"Derrick?" She said as she raised her brow.

I just looked down and fiddled with my still glowing hands.

"Look....I'm sorry that I...touched your horn Princess... I don't know what possessed me to do that but it was a stupid decision..." I said as I looked back up to her with a weak smile, she opened her mouth to speak but I countiued.

"So I completely understand if you throw me in the dungeon to rot for eternity..." I finished as I looked back up. Celestia had a kind motherly smile on her face, she sighed and walked up to me, she saw me craning my neck to look up so she lowered her head, then she put her hoof on my shoulder.

"Don't worry I'm not mad at you Derrick... And I won't be throwing you into the dungeon" she said with a giggle.

"However I wouldn't be surprised if my sister tries to..." She added, making me shudder.

"So where are we going then?" I asked, feeling somewhat relieved that I wasn't going to  rot in jail.

"To my private quarters..." She said, my eyes widened and I stepped back slightly. Celestia saw my reaction and just laughed.

"You will be staying in Twilight sparkles old room, its right next to mine..." She corrected with a grin.

"Oh.." I said simply, stepping forward again.

"You seem to have quite the dirty mind Derrick..." She added with a confident grin, Making me deadpan.

"Hey its not my fault mares have been giving me... Naughty looks ever sense I got here..." I said flatly.

Celestia got a mischievous look.

"I can see why they would..." She said in a seductive voice making me jump.

"I'm just kidding!" She said as she laughed at my reaction.
I just deadpanned again and waited for her to stop.

"Are you done?"

Celestia just nodded and cleared her throat.

"What do you think of Twilight and her friends?" She asked curiously as she waited for my response. Oh boy...I'm not holding back on this one!

"What do I think of them? Hmmm let's see here... I thought Twilight was alright at first but then she got really creepy and annoying when we started talking about magic or science.. She even gets this weird face when we do..." I said with annoyance.

"Hmm...she does do that a lot.." Celestia said with a nod, cringing slightly.

She leaned in and whispered to me.

"Honestly I think she needs to get out more... Maybe even find a nice young stallion..." She said and I nodded slowly, suppressing my laughter.

"Please don't tell her I said that..." She added quickly. I nodded and continued.

Then there is Spike... I met him first so he had me thinking equestria was full of talking lizards..." I said, shaking my head. Celestia just giggled as I countiued.

"He's OK I guess... I don't think he likes me very much for some reason but that's irrelevant... I still have a hard time believing that pipsqueak is actually a dragon..." I said with a scoff.

"He is indeed a dragon... Just give him time. He may one day surpass us both in height..." Celestia said with a grin.

"Then there is Applejack... Her and her big brother are actually alright I guess, I could consider them friends.... Especially Mac..." I said with a shrug.

"Good! Its always nice to make new friends..." Celestia said with a nod.
At this point I was just ranting.

"Then there is Rarity....oh god... She's insane! She made fun of my clothes and tried to force her's onto me! Then when she apologized she flirted with me and creeped the fuck out of me!" I said with a shudder.

"That seems like something she would do..." Celestia said as she cringed again.

"Then there is Rainbow dash... Besides her annoying colossal ego, she OK... But she just pisses me off because of the impossible things she does! How the fuck does she fly with those tiny ass wings! How can she even touch clouds and bust them like they were solid objects? Fucking physics breaking magic!" I said as I folded my arms.

"She does brag about her weather control... A lot... But you have to give her credit... I'm pretty sure she could beat me in a race.." Celestia said as she smiled sheepishly.

"Then there is Pinkie Pie and...I just don't understand her...like at all...how does she even....I don't even know... She threw me that dumbass party that caused the golden bud incident! But...I can say she makes the best cake I've ever tasted!" I said with a shrug.

"To be honest.. Nopony fully understands her... She's just Pinkie pie!" Celestia said with a nervous shrug.

"Although... She DOES make some of the best cake in equestria..." Celestia said with a nod, and a silly smile.

"Then there is Fluttershy... The only annoying thing with her is how silent and scared of things she is, I don't know anything about her besides that." I said as I rolled my eyes.

" I don't know much about her either... " Celestia admitted.

"Then there is your sister..." I said as I folded my arms again. Celestia had this look that said "oh here we go..."

"She speaks in this weird old English or something, she's REALLY loud, her wings actually make sense unlike Rainbow dash... She is super bipolar, I mean before that little incident we were on good terms, She seems to have a thing for Mac aswell..." I said as I rubbed my Chin.

"I think they look cute together!" Celestia said with a warm smile.

"You see a cute couple, I see a horrible case of pain suffering and torture..." I said bluntly making Celestia laugh.

"She can be quite rough at times... Alicorns are incredibly strong after all..." Celestia said as she Flexed her forehoof, it seems the fur covers most of the muscle because her and Luna don't look as buff as Big Mac... Maybe it had something to do with magic though... I wouldn't be surprised.

"Yeah... I learned that the hard way..." I said as I rubbed my face. Celestia looked at me curiously, before she sighed in annoyance, covered her face and shook her head.

"What did you do..."

"I told her that her cutie mark looked like an ink stain..." I said carefully. When I looked up Celestia was struggling to hold in a laugh. I just deadpanned and tried to change the subject.

"Anyways... about Mac... He seemed angry with you about something? " I said as I put my hands on my hips. Celestia just smiled smugly.

"Oh I just beat him in hoof wrestling at last year's ponyville fair..." She said with a smug grin.

"How bad?" I asked curiously, if Luna can drag him around like a ragdoll I can only imagine what Celestia can do. She had a nervous smile as she tapped her forehoofs together.

"Well I kind of... broke his foreleg...accidentally..." She said nervously. I just looked at her with a deadpan expression.

"Did he cry?"

"A little..."

"What did Luna say?"

"We didn't tell her... I don't think she would ever forgive me..."

"Was it worth it?"

"Yes"

"You should be ashamed of yourself..." I said as I shook my head in disappointment.

"He was so asking for it..." She said in her defense.

I kinda just stared blankly at her, then we both busted out laughing. I could only imagine his face after he lost! Well I guess it would be filled with pain and suffering... But it was still probably priceless!

Eventually we stopped laughing and I continued with my rant.

"Well the thing that bothers me about Luna the most, besides her almost having me executed, was the fact that she could move the fucking moon at will..." I said with deep disdain.

"Really?" Celestia said with a hint of sarcasm.

"Yeah she actually has the power...to fuck with the celestial bodies!" I said with a shake of my head.

"She has the powers to do WHAT to my body?" Celestia said, blushing and looking horrified.

"That's not what I ment... Humans call the moon, the sun, the stars and any other planets out there the celestial bodies!" I explained quickly.

"Oh..." Celestia said, her usual calm composure returning.

I then sighed and stared down at the floor.

"The thing that bothers me the most about this place is all these bullshit magical powers everyone has..." I said sadly.

"What's wrong with magic?" Celestia asked innocently.

"You don't understand... All the magic crap, Pegasi, Unicorns, even pegacorns..."

"Alicorns..." Celestia corrected.

"Whatever... Where I come from its all just a fiction, a dumb legend! some humans try to trick others into thinking they can really use magic, but its always just a lame trick or illusion." I said shaking my head.

" And now... There is living proof in front of me that it is real..." I said as I pointed to her. She just nodded and touched my shoulder again.

"I'm sorry that you feel this way Derrick... It must be hard for you being in a mysterious place alone..." She said with a look of understanding, I just sat there with my head down.

"I feel that maybe if you just give Twilight and her friends another chance...if you give equestria another chance, you won't feel as bad. Friendship can make a lot of things easier... Including you're time here in equestria..." She said as she removed her hoof and rubbed her chin in thought.

"Tell you what..." She said, as I raised my head curiously.

"Tomorrow after your procedure, what do you say about me showing you around canterlot? We could have lunch a nice lunch together, and perhaps forget about this incident." She said kindly.

"Oh sure...taking me to see more magical ponies will definitely make me feel better about... Seeing magical ponies..." I said sarcastically, a deadpan expression.

"Perhaps not... But it will at least get you used to seeing them because until we figure out how you got here... You may be here for a while." Celestia admitted with a nervous smile, making be groan.

"You might even make some new friends..." She added with a look I couldn't read.

"Also I fear for your health and safety... The magic I gave you almost killed you after all. So for the time being I will be keeping a close eye on you..." She said making me groan again.

"So that's the reason why I'm sleeping in the room next to yours..." I realized as I facepalmed.

"Indeed it is... Besides my sister and maybe Twilight sparkle, I have some of the most potent and powerful magic in Equestria... And it looks to me like our...contact... May have given some of it to you..." Celestia explained. I just stared at my glowing hands.

"Is it temporary?" I asked.

"This has never happened before... So I wouldn't know..." Celestia said with an honest shrug.

"Do you THINK its temporary?" I asked, just wanting a guess from her at this point.

"No..." Celestia said, making me sigh in defeat.

"Um...so... How do I turn it off like yours?" I asked as I snapped my fingers in an attempt to make it go away.

"You just have to relax Derrick... Magic is primarily controlled by thought, so if you focus on it too much it won't turn off..." Celestia said plainly. I tried to concentrate on other things but I couldn't... I mean my fucking hands were glowing gold! Celestia sighed in annoyance as she watched me attempting to suppress my magic.

"It's not working..." I muttered in frustration as I sighed in defeat.

Then Celestia leaned forward and Nuzzled me, what the actual fuck?

"I...you...what? You can't just..." I stammered as I sat there flushed and confused, Celestia just giggled at my reaction, and a second later the glow from my hands disappeared.

"See? Just relax..." Celestia said with a confident smile, I just backed up in confusion.

"Anyway you still haven't answered my question Derrick.." Celestia said, looking somewhat impatient.

"Yeah... We can hang out after my treatment or whatever..." I said with a simple wave of my hand.

"Wonderful! It's a date then!" She said cheerfully as she turned again.

"What?" I blurted. "You...me what? How the....huh? We just met..." I stammered again in confusion. When I looked up Celestia was staring at me with a deadpan expression.

"Are you done?" She asked.

"Yes?" I said with uncertainty.

"Good...I was joking about the date, it's just a quick tour of the city along with a nice friendly lunch...nothing more..." Celestia explained calmly, few you had me worried there...

"Oh.." I said simply.

"Now come on...the Princess needs her beauty sleep!" She called out to me and I quickly followed. We went up a flight of stairs before we got to what I assumed was Twilight's old room. There were a few guards around but they seemed uninterested.

"This is the room..." Celestia said as she gestured to it and she opened the door with her magic. It was pretty dark in here besides the light coming from the window. As we walked in Celestia zapped a few candles and they sparked to life. There were a lot of book shelf's around aswell as a large amount of scrolls and quills... Yep definitely Twilight's room.

There was a comfy looking bed in the corner and I immediately sprinted and jumped onto it with a loud plop. I looked back to Celestia who looked somewhat disturbed.

"OK..." She said backing up slightly. She then regained her composure and smiled.

"Well goodnight Derrick... Sleep well! See you tomorrow!" She said with a kind smile, I returned it with a wave.

"Good night, Princess..." I said casually as I watched her leave. I got a good look at her cutie mark as she walked out, it was a sun. Heh sunbutt... I'm definitely going to call her that if she ever makes me mad.

I relaxed and sat back in the bed and thought about my first day here. It could have been worse I suppose... I could be locked in a dungeon, accidentally killed, or worse... Forced into interspecies mating, good thing that's not for a few weeks though...

Then of course there is this magic bullshit... It's probably still going to be there when I wake up... Despite my deep disdain for the shit I'm actually kind of excited about using it... I wonder what cool stuff I can do now! And of course I got it from the best, the most Potent and powerful around! So the possibilities could be endless.

I'm actually kinda looking forward to tomorrow, I have magic to experiment with, I'll finally be rid of this golden bud crap and I have a date with Princess Celestia... Uh I mean...were going to hang out and eat lunch... Celestia seems like the chill type but I still feel like everything that can go wrong will go wrong tommorw.

My dirty mind and my drunken mind collaborated to bring an interesting observation to my attention. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have nice plots... Whoa... OK... I'm just going to pretend I didn't just think that... Then again... They are kinda cute...Celestia even does that thing where she covers one eye with her hair, I always liked it when girls did that.....holy shit! What am I thinking! They're fucking ponies!  Touching Princess Celestia's horn may have done more to me then just give me magic...

After that VERY disturbing thought I finally drifted off to sleep...

 


















































> Act 1 part 5: Impossible Magic!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Act 1 part 5: impossible magics!

I woke up pretty easily, having slept peacefully throughout the entire night completely undisturbed. I sat up in bed and stretched, hmm... that's weird... The ceiling looks a lot lower than usual. I noticed the sun wasn't up yet for whatever reason as well... I guess I got up early... I also noticed my hands were glowing again, danm... the magic didn't go away... Well I guess im kinda glad I still have it because now I get to screw around with it today! Sigh... Guess I should get up... Hey wait... is my bed glowing? Na just golden bud fucking with my head...

I processed to lazily roll off the side of the bed, expecting to fall a foot to the floor. So you can imagine I was surprised when I turned and saw the floor 15 feet away from me....and...Fuck my life...

I slammed into the floor face first with a loud bump, a painful grunt, and a few creative curses. I eventually rolled over onto my side to see Princess Celestia poking her head into the room looking worried.

"A..are you OK?"

"Yeah...I just fell 15 fucking feet face first...I feel amazing!" I muttered, the sarcasm practically palpable.

"You don't look that hurt to me..." Celestia said with a giggle.

Wait a second... She's right! That fall should have broken something... But instead I was slightly bruised... I can definitely conclude now that physics here simply aren't as harsh as back home, and something about this place just naturally reinvigorates my body... I feel stronger, I can run faster, take more damage and my skin cleared up! Not entirely sure if that's a positive but I'm gonna roll with it.

"Yeah something about this place has made me stronger... I should have broken bones right now..." I said with a shrug.

"Perhaps the magic has strengthened your body?" Celestia said.

I looked to my hands with a frown, the bed was still floating in the air, I must of somehow did this in my sleep.

"Yup...accidental levitation while you're sleeping... Oh the joys of having magic...who knew?" I said sarcastically as I lowered the bed to the ground softly, making Celestia giggle. As she did I got a wiff of my pits and boy did I sweat last night!

"Hey is there a place I can wash up?" I asked, I felt kind of filthy right now, guess that's what happens when you wear a warm hoodie to sleep.

"There's a bathroom right there Derrick...." Celestia said with a deadpan expression, as she gestured to the far wall. What? How silly of me to not notice the fancy door with the big ass sign that says "Bathroom"... OK that actually was a silly of me... shut up.

I quickly stood up with a nervous smile.

" Uh yeah... Too busy...falling and being drunk... You know how it is.." I said in an attempt to explain my stupidity.

Celestia just shook her head with a chuckle.

"There is a fresh Toothbrush, Washcloth and Towel waiting for you inside already. Just knock on my door when you're finished.." Celestia said as she closed the door and left.

"Mkay..." I said simply as I went into the bathroom. Not much to report here... It was pretty much like a regular human bathroom except the lightbulbs weren't as fancy... Wait lightbulbs? I guess some places have those weird magic candles and some just have electricity.... Twilight said they use those weird magic orbs instead of batteries... Uh it doesn't matter too much, I don't really Care as long as the place was lit.

I looked at myself in the fancy mirror and thought, let's see what hygiene products do they have? I don't see a razor, or a nail clipper here, so I guess that'll be fun to deal with in a few days...and I don't see any deodorant either....sigh....

I angrily flipped my bag over my shoulder and stuffed my hand into it, let's hope I brought some deodorant, i tend to carry it around just incase, and I did! I had a stick of Axe deodorant (I don't fuck with the spray....that's for scrubs who want cold armpits and wet clothes!). Thankfully these ponies had showers...so at least that will save some time...

Then again, how long will Celestia wait for me anyway? She must be busy because she rules the place and all, and I do want to get this procedure over with ASAP. So I decided to skip the shower, I ended up just taking off my undershirt (which had most of the sweat on it anyway), washing my armpits, and throwing my hoodie back on.

I looked in the fancy drawers for toothpaste and I found a tube. Please let this stuff not taste weird I thought as I put some onto the toothbrush. Luckily it tasted just like your average minty toothpaste! As I brushed I looked more closely at the tube. The brand was "Coltgate" instead of Colgate... Yeah.... puns... I feel like this will become a vey annoying trend here... Unless they have some sort of horse pun for Xbox, or Reese's, or even the internet, im probably going to pry my hair out when ponies talk about their products.

After washing my face and doing all the standard wash up things, I marched out of the room and looked around. Let's see which room would be Celestia's... Hmmm.... Maybe its the one with 4 guards and a Gigantic door...

I approached the door and the guards straightened up. Two of them moved to block the door and the other two walked up to me and stood in my way.

"What's up fellas?" I asked, wondering why they were blocking me.

"You cannot enter the Princess's private chambers without being searched first!" one of them said. Huh....well they have female guards here too... I should have known considering the gender ratio here is like 1:4. Regardless though, what the fuck! I hate it when people go through my shit... I feel like this is going to go badly.

"Remove everything from your pockets and take off your bag..." The girl guard said.

"Um how about no..." I said as I crossed my arms.

"Well then your not going anywhere!" She said sternly, OK.... they're pissing me off now.

"I don't have any weapons!" I said with a frown.

"Then what's this?" A guard behind me said as he held my pocket knife out of my bag.

Son of a bitch... Kinda forgot about that thing...curse my roommate...

"That's my pocket knife I said, "It was a gift from a friend!" I said as my eye twitched slightly.

"Looks like a weapon to me..." The batpony guard behind me said, as he shook his head in disappointment.

"Such a shame... you just said you didn't have one... What a lie... " the girl guard said with disgust.

"I may have... forgotten..." I said as I rubbed my neck nervously. Ugh... come on give a guy a break?

"You forgot? What a lame excuse..." The guard with the knife said behind me.

"Take him away..." The girl guard said as the guy guards pounced on me.

"What the... Hey get off me!" I yelled as they grabbed my arms and legs. OK... Ponies are kinda strong... And heavy... This may be harder then I thought...

"Sorry human, No exceptions..." She said with a grin, I started to get really pissed, I clenched my fists and I felt my magic slowly powering up.

Luckily before I hurt any of them, Princess Celestia swung the giant door to her chambers open and rushed out.

"What is the meaning of this!?" She asked with a frown, yes! Call off your dogs please!

"Bullshit..." I blurted quickly, the girl guard scoffed in response.

"Your Highness! this human had a WEAPON in his possession!" She said pointing to me accusingly, I just sat there with a deadpan expression, hopefully Celestia wouldn't freak about this...

"Really? Is that the weapon in question?" She asked gesturing to the small knife. The guard brought it closer so she could see, then Celestia took one look at it and deadpanned.

"Have you all forgotten? " she said as she facehoofed. All the guards sat confused, even I was, What is she talking about?

She sighed In annoyance and walked up to one of the guards holding a spear to my neck.

"May I see your spear for a moment..." She asked kindly. 

The guard hesitated for a moment and brought it closer to himself, when the Princess gave him a stern look he submitted.

"Of course Princess..." He said obediently as she grabbed it with her magic.
She then made sure everyone was looking before she jabbed the spear into her side, wait... what the fuck?

Before anyone said anything she withdrew the spear and showed it to us. It was completely bent flat as if it was made of something weak like tinfoil, and there wasn't a single wound or drop of blood to be seen.

"Conventional blades cannot harm me..." she said with a bored expression, geez... Why does she even have guards?

"Right...I forgot your Highness we are terribly sorry..." the girl guard said looking embarrassed as her ears drooped.

"You forgot? What a lame excuse.." I teased making the guard glare at me before turning back nervously to the Princess.

"I forgive you, Derrick does not have bad intentions, he will not hurt anypony..." Celestia said looking at the guards with disappointment, yeah you're right Celestia, I won't hurt you... But those guards? I might break a few noses...muzzles...whatever...

"Now release him at once and return to your posts..." Celestia ordered.

"Yes your Highness!" They all said simultaneously, I shoved them off of me the second they did. After some more silence i followed Celestia into her room and the guards just sat at the door looking scared and embarrassed.

"Fucking guards..." I muttered angrily once we were inside, making Celestia giggle.

"They may have been wrong to stop you, but they were just doing they're jobs..." She reasoned.

" Well you could have told them I was coming! " I said with a frown.

" I did in fact tell them you were coming, however I was not aware you were carrying a weapon..." she said with a raised brow.

"It's just a pocket knife...I forget I even had the thing..." I said with a shrug.

"Besides its not like the danm thing could hurt you anyway..." I said as I pointed to her, making her smile confidently.

I started to actually look around the room and holy shit it was HUGE! Her bed looked like 6 Celestia's could sleep in it, the windows were big and they let in a lot of light, the curtains and furniture was fancy, everything was shiny... I guess this is what you except from the co-ruler of Equestria's room. I looked at the window again and noticed the sun STILL wasn't up, pretty sure it's time for sunrise...

"Wait a moment I must tend to something..." Celestia said as she walked over to her balcony, it overlooked a good amount of the castle, aswell as some of canterlot itself.

She took a deep breath and her horn started to glow, and I should have seen this bullshit coming MILES away... This bitch just moved the sun....she just reminded me why I hate this place...

She turned back to me like nothing happened.

"What were you saying Derrick?" She asked, I folded my arms and deadpanned.

"Derrick?" She said looking at me, puzzled.

"Is something wrong?" She asked, I just sat there in silence, eventually she just sighed and waited for me to speak.

"So..... you move the sun..." I said blankly.

"Yes?" She said, unsure where I was going with this.

"You can effortlessly control a collosal sphere of plasma with a surface temperature of over 5,778 Kelvin, that is easily hundreds of thousands of miles away?" I said with narrowed eyes. Celestia just nodded, I don't know know if ponies measure temperature or distance the same as humans, but she seemed to understand.

"Yes..." She said again with a sheepish smile, at that moment I laid my head In My hands with an annoyed sigh.

"If my little sister can control the moon and stars, then it isn't much of a stretch to say I can control the sun..." Celestia said with an annoyed glare. I just responded with an grumpy groan. Celestia shook her head slowly in disappointment.

"Well you do realize what this means right?" I said, the drunk feeling coming in again. Celestia turned to me curiously.

"I'm afraid I don't..."

"I'm going to blame you for every single case of sunburn, heatstroke, dehydration and especially when its too danm bright outside!"

I paused for a moment and added, "I'm also blaming Luna for any werewolfs and the tide ruining sand castles..." I added, Celestia just giggled like I was joking, what do you think this is a game?!? I have my serious face on! Take me seriously dammit!

"Well Derrick... it is not my fault that ponies don't wear enough sunblock and stay outdoors too long, or that they exhaust themselves in the heat, or that they don't drink enough water, or that they don't wear the proper eye protection..." She said innocently.

"However... I cannot speak for my sister regarding wereponies and ruined sand castles.." She added with a giggle.

"I'm going to sue the fuck out of you when I get sunburn..." I muttered quietly, Celestia rolled her eyes.

At that moment a random book decided it was cool to smack the shit out of my head, what the hell? I looked down and my hands were glowing again.

"My gosh... I've never seen someone's control over magic so..."

"So?"

"Random..." Celestia said with a cringe.

" Well it probably has something to do with the fact that sometimes I can't focus on anything that well, because of golden....oh look a bird!" I said as I was childishly distracted by a red, orange and yellow bird that landed on my shoulder. 

"Oh... she's my Pet Phoenix Philomena!" Celestia said as the bird moved to my outstretched hand.

" A phoenix? Ha!.... She's not even on fire... You almost had me there..." I said with a yawn. The bird turned around and glared at me like it understood what I said. Then something crazy happened, the bird burst into flames in my hand.

"Oh look she's on fire..." I said calmly before I realized my motherfucking hand was burning! I proceeded to scream like a little bitch and run around the room flailing my arms around screaming.

"Get this thing off of me!!!" I yelled as my dumbass ran straight into a wall and fell on my ass. After that, the bird finally extinguished itself and jumped off of me looking satisfied with itself, then it disappeared just as suddenly as it appeared, this shit is going on the list...

"Princess?"

"Yes Derrick?" She respond, holding in a laugh as best as she could.

"I'm going to murder Philomena and eat her for dinner..." I muttered angrily, after debating on wether or not I was serious I guess she thought this was funny and she started laughing her ass off...er plot off....SAME THING!

"Hey! 3rd degree burns aren't a laughing matter!" I yelled as I waved my arm in front of her, making her pause.

"Instead of standing there you could like... Do your healing magic thing? I said in annoyance.

"Oh please its just a minor burn..." She said with a smirk.

"Now...please..." I said with a slight cringe.

The Princess chuckled as her golden magic healed me, man that feels really good...

"Not sure if gusta..." I said.

"What?"

"Forget it..."

I stood there staring at my hands now, since we apprantly had the same magic, maybe I could do things she could?

"I wonder if I can just heal myself..." I said aloud, prompting Celestia to clear her throat.

"Well that brings me to the first reason I brought you in here..." she said as her face got serious.

"If I really did unintentionally give you magic then you should be able to at least use some of the basic unicorn magics..." She explained.

"Like moving objects..."

"Check"

"Shooting lasers of varying strength..."

" Check "

"Sensing the magical aura of other ponies.."

"Che....uh no..."

"Wait I can do that?" I said in suprise.

"You should be able too...give it a try!" Celestia encouraged as she waited patiently.

"I have no clue how but OK..." I said with a shrug.

"Just remember... magic is primarily controlled by thought!" Celestia reminded with a  tap to her forehead. OK so I guess I just think about sensing power aaaaaaaaaand........ HOLY FUCK! I fell backward because of the massive sensory overload I just received.

"What happened?" Celestia said as she quickly rushed over.

"Your power level...its over...................whelming... (ha you thought I was going to say 9000)"  I said looking horrified.

"Yeah...I get that a lot..." Celestia said with a nervous smile.

"Jeez... and you're not the only one... I sense a few more..." I said as I rubbed my forehead.

"One is kinda close... It's pretty close to you in power..."

"That's my sister..." Celestia said.

"And there is one that is quite a bit lower than you two, but still significantly stronger than all the tiny ones I can feel."

"My faithful student, Twilight sparkle..."

"Then there is one more that's higher than Twilight's, but is a little farther right now..."

"Perhaps it's Shining Armor... I'm not sure if he is on duty at the moment..." Celestia said with slight uncertainty. What? "Shining armor" what the hell? Is that seriously a name?

I then proceeded to laugh my ass off, Celestia looked confused.

"What's so funny?" She asked, narrowing her eyes on me.

"I swear you ponies have some weird names..." I said as I finally finished, Celestia however did not look amused at all.

"Do not mistake my kindness for weakness... I do not appreciate you making fun of my ponies so often, I would appreciate it if you ceased..." She said sternly making me choke. She basically said "Shut the fuck up or I'll shove a sunbeam up your ass!" in a polite way...

"OK...I'll try..." I said nervously as I looked up to her.

"Good... Now maybe we could discuss other important matters..." She said , her eyes softening.

"Like?"

"Like How you got here perhaps? Or where you'll be staying as well as citizenship and future employment to name a few things..." Celestia listed.

"Right... My future..." I said as my joy faded. We realized that we'd been standing up for a while, so Celestia layed on the edge of her bed while I pulled up a random fancy chair.

"Now for the matter of how you got here..." She said as she looked into my eyes. I gulped nervously.

"Do you remember ANYTHING that happened before awakening here?..." She asked, her eyes not leaving mine. I thought for a moment before answering.

" I remember leaving my place, going somewhere I wouldn't usually...then it all just goes blank..." I said truthfully.

"Hmm....that.. complicates things..." She said as her face fell.

"We can't even begin to figure out how to send you back if you can't even remember what caused your arrival in the first place..." She said with a shake of her head, well I guess going back is a dead idea for now... I didn't mind too much... Nobody back home would be worried and I wasn't dating anyone at the time, so this was just a vacation in magic hell for me, although I might lose my job...eh I have money saved if that happens.

"Alright then... I guess I'm staying for a while..." I muttered in disappointment.

"Which brings me to my next point..." She said as a large scroll and quill appeared in between us, ugh... PAPERWORK? Dammit...

"The Equestrian foreign policy only allows up to 5 days to visitors before they must either leave or become a citizen..." She explained. Danm only 5 days? That's super short... I think you can stay for a few weeks back home, or something... Suddenly I felt the golden bud kick in again.

"You wouldn't kick ol DJ out for staying to long would you?" I said as I gave her a lustful stare and wink, Marking the first time I've ever flirted with a pony.

Celestia just stared at me, unfazed at my attempt to be "sexy" she raised her eyebrow.
"No exceptions... In 4 days you will either be a citizen of equestria or be kicked out..." She said sternly, well shit! I guess that doesn't work on her, I don't think anything can faze her when she's serious.

" Why is the visiting time so short anyway? " I ask curiously.

"Not many visit Equestria, because they either end up loving it here and staying anyway, or they just come here to become a citizen in the first place.." Celestia said, looking somewhat proud of herself.

Well let me think... I don't see why not... Besides its not like I'll be sent back anytime soon, because I don't remember anything, also I'll be too lazy to sign up in 4 days anyway...

"Alright..." I said as I leaned forward in my chair and scooted close to her. 

"Where do I sign?"

...

After a few minutes of signing paperwork (which I honestly never bothered to read because meh) we eventually got to the part where I'm supposed to say an oath. We both stood up for this.

"Repeat after me..." Celestia said as she cleared her throat.

"I hereby declare, on oath, that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign princess, potentate, state, or sovereignty, of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen; that I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of Equestria and that I will love and tolerate." She and I said, line by line, I kinda snickered at the last one.

"Splendid! looks like you are now one of my loyal subjects! Congratulations!" She said with a smile as she closed the equestrian citizenship book.

"Wait that's it?" I said, as my eyes widened. If it's that danm easy then can see why everyone signs up!

"Yes we are indeed finished!" She said triumphantly. I kinda just chuckled before realization hit me like a wrecking ball. I am now a citizen of Equestria... That means I have to follow equestrian rules... And... I was now one of Celestia and Luna's subjects, so I have to to whatever they say and yadda yadda yadda yadda  FUCK!

"Well I guess all that's left now is your employment..." She said as she zapped the papers away somewhere to be processed.

"Any suggestions? I can't mooch off of you and Twilight forever..." I said bluntly, making her snicker.

"Well I simply suggest asking Twilight and her friends, I'm sure they could help you find suitable employment if you plan to stay in ponyville..." Huh... I figured she'd say something like that.

"However if you plan to stay in canterlot, I could accommodate you until you can sustain yourself, there are plenty of jobs in the city as well as some jobs here. If you need something to do then just ask my sister and I we can give you something..." She said kindly. Not sure how I feel about that... I don't like people helping me too much...

"Thanks...I have to think about it..." I said with a shrug, Celestia just nodded.

After that we kinda just sat there silently, so I decided to start screwing with my magic again. I started practicing levitating some books around when I got hungry.
"Man it'd be great to have a fresh morning muffin..." I said to myself, Celestia perked up at that.

"I could have one of the guards bring..." She trailed off when she looked over to me. One of the books I was levitating suddenly flashed blindingly. The suprise and shock of the moment made me jump and my chair flew back with a loud *WHAM*.

Celestia giggled at first before a sudden gasp left her lips. I got up and set my chair upright again only to see the books I was levitating on the floor along with a glowing, warm, Coffee cake muffin (my favorite) on the resting on the floor.

My mind..... 

Is.....


OFFICIALY......FUCKING.....BLOWN!!!

"I...I...can....turn....books...into....muffins..." I stuttered as I Picked said muffin up. It really was fresh, and it smelled glorious... And I was kinda hungry...

So I took a huge bite of it and my mouth watered from the epicness of coffee cake. Celestia just sat there completely speechless, with amazement, horror, and concern written all over her face.

Danm... I can't believe I just did that! That defied so many laws... You know what? If I was going to keep my sanity while I'm here, I'm going to have to accept all the magical nonsense. So I decided to experiment a little more.

I grabbed another book and tried to see if I could replicate the same thing, and with another flash I had another muffin. Now let me see if I can reverse it... yep! That could be useful. Then I tried something crazy... Could I make something pop out of thin air?

Check....

I looked over to Celestia to see her reaction to this...







>>>

Impossible... Simply impossible... That is the only way to describe what Derrick just did... How could he achieve such a powerful spell with such little experience? It took me YEARS to perfect that spell... Years of trial and error... And he just does it effortlessly? Impossible... I fear that some other mysterious force is at work here... I fear that there is some other strange magic inside Derrick... Perhaps my magic... Our contact... just simply awakened it? I must find out... If it is what I think it is then my kingdom could be in grave danger...

>>>

"Uh Princess? You're looking a little pale... Well you're already white... Uh... never mind... What's wrong?" I said. She was staring blankly at the pile of books.

She quickly snapped back into reality and gave a weak smile.

"That was truly amazing Derrick!" I kinda just smiled at the praise until she frowned. "However I am not fond of the idea of you consuming my books..." Celestia said glaring at me.

A sheepish grin crossed my face and i quickly put the rest of the books back on the dresser where I found them. "Uh sorry?..." I managed as Celestia looked troubled

"Derrick you simply cannot run around turning things into muffins! You might scare somepony!" Celestia scolded.

"Until we can find out more about what exactly changed in you, I want you to refrain from using ANY type of magic without my permission..." She said, staring fear and authority into my eyes.

"Uh... yes... your Highness...." I said nervously, this honestly sucks, I wanted to see what else I could conjure up...

"Now I believe we are done here, I have important matters to attend to, until our lunch..." She stated, getting off her bed.

"Speaking of important matters..." I said as I stood up and returned the chair.

"That appointment..." she answered for me.

"Right... Let's go get Mac and Twilight..." I said, walking to the door. I waited for Celestia to get close before I opened the door for her.

"Thank you!" She said, accepting my kind gesture.

"This is a heavy ass door..." I said, making her giggle, I followed her out of her room. When I closed the door behind us, The guards outside were staring at us suspiciously. It was then that I noticed that the guards outside were now different. They didn't look like bat vampire ponies, they were regular ponies wearing golden armor and slippers, kinda like Celestia's.

"Hey where did that bat pony go?" I asked, darting my head around.

"Oh the night guard's shift ended a few minutes ago, this is the day guard!" Celestia explained.

"So they're gone..." I said flatly.

"Yes...why do you ask?" She tilted her head slightly.

"Because that BITCH still has my pocket knife!" I said angrily. Celestia just cringed I guess she understood my outburst, because she wasn't mad at me.

"Well that's quite a predicament. I advise that you wait until tonight's shift, then perhaps you could find the guard that had it?" Celestia said nudging me reassuringly.

"Yeah I don't think I'm finding it anytime soon..." I said in defeat, half of those night guards looked the same to me... Maybe I can find that one guy... What was his name? Black dusk? Yeah that guy... I'll find him and ask if any of his guards have my knife.

The guards gave me peaceful morning greetings as we passed by, man the day guards are pretty friendly! Most night guards I met would either ignore me completely or they would stare daggers at me, Maybe Luna's guards are just pricks...

"Hey Princess?"

"Yes Derrick?"

"How come your guards aren't surprised to see me?" I asked, because none of them looked particularly scarred or amazed.

"The entire royal guard, as well as most of the castle staff and the hospital nurses has been informed that you are here..." She explained, makes sense I guess.

"However they were sworn to secrecy until I decide when and how I will inform the country as a whole..." She said with uncertainty.

"Yeah well I'm not sure how much that'll help when the entire town of Ponyville knows about me already..." I sad flatly. Celestia looked at me surprised until realization dawned.

"Pinkie parties..." We said at the same time.

"Well I guess I'll have to make an official statement soon..." Celestia said grumpily. After a few seconds she stopped walking and leaned in close.

"You will inform nopony of the incident that happened last night in the throne room, or of the magical powers you have gained from said incident, are we clear?" She said staring daggers into my eyes, a mere inch away from my face.

"Cr...crystal..." I stuttered nervously. She smiled and backed up, I let out a breath I was holding as she did. She can look scary if she wants too... I almost shit myself there.

"Splendid! Now let's get going!" She said as she trotted away, I hesitated before following.


After walking down some stairs we saw Twilight sparkle, cheerfully talking to this orange Pegasus guard. "Oh good morning Princess! we were just looking for you!" Twilight said cheerfully with a bow. "Good morning Princess Celestia..." The guard said as he bowed. Danm I'm a citizen now! That means I'm going to have to start bowing to her too...

"Good morning to you aswell! you're just the guard I was looking for!" She said perking up at the sight of the Orange pony. The guard had on a completely dumbfounded expression.

"Me?" He said not believing his ears.

"Yes of course! You're one of my most trust worthy guards! I need you to do something for me!" She said kindly. His expression at that point kinda went neutral, I guess he expected to get a lame job like mopping Celestia's floor or something.

She gestured for him to come closer and she started whispering something into his ear, I didn't care what it was personally so I just tapped Twilight. 

"Who's that guy"? I asked

"That's Flash Sentry! He's one of Celestia's royal guards, and he's also one of my closest  friends! " she said quiet enough so that they couldn't hear. I guess he looked like a decent guy, he listened to Celestia with a serious expression and he stood alert. Hmm I wonder what she's telling him....

"So did you sleep well?" Twilight asked, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah some stuff went down when I woke up...literally..." I said with a shrug.

"What happened?" She asked curiously.

"Well...."

>>>

I can't believe the Princess is personally asking ME to do something for her! I can't let her down! I won't fail! I thought as the Princess cleared her throat.

"Flash sentry... I need you to take Twilight and her friends to the detoxification facility..." She said calmly.

"No problem... Wait what?" I whispered, caught off guard by her request.

"Big Macintosh and Derrick currently have Golden Bud cider in their systems that they need removed." She explained. Big Mac? He's a pretty cool guy... We hang out every once and a while, but I haven't seen him in a while, so that'll be nice.

"Oh that sounds simple..." I said with a confident smile.

"But as you and the rest of the guard have been briefed, my tall friend here is indeed human..." She added. Wow... I didn't really believe the captain when he told us, I thought it was just somepony with an amazing costume or illusion! I managed to keep a straight face and just nodded as she continued.

The Princess leaned in closer for the next part, making me a little nervous. "What I am about to tell you is CLASSIFIED, do not tell anypony!" She stated strictly.

"Yes I understand..." I said, keeping my composure. Holy buck! She's telling ME classified information!

"Recently he has acquired a disturbing magic that I need identified, so during his procedure please have his magic tested please..." She requested.

"I suppose you must give the nurse a brief description as well, but ONLY her..." She added.

" I should be there in time for you to hoof me the results of the magic test, they are for his and my eyes only... " she said as she glanced at the human. Wow...this is really strange... I wonder what kind of magic she thinks he has! If she wants the results kept so secret it could be bad... Despite all the secracy this should be a simple task anyway...

" I must also remind you to try and take a path where you will be seen by as few ponies as possible, I haven't given an official statement about Derrick yet, but the hospital staff have been notified already..." She added.

"Do you understand your assignment? I'm trusting you with important information... " she asked, louder this time as she stepped back...

>>>

"And then I became a citizen of Equestria..." I said as I recalled all the events that happened this morning.

"Wow that's wonderful! I'll have to ask my friends about possible employment though..." Twilight said, making a mentel note.

"Of course Princess! I'll get it done!" Flash said in a noble tone, as he saluted the Princess. 

"Splendid! I will meet up with you later my little ponies, I have important matters to attend to..." Celestia said with a quick wave and a smile, before she swiftly walked away. I guess she'll meet us at the detox facility? Because I will be dammed if I have to search this fucking labyrinth of a castle, well let's just say our lunch would be canceled due to laziness...

"Alright everypony! The Princess wants me to escort you to the Detoxification Facility!" Flash announced to us. well I guess he's sticking around... I just hope this guy isn't anal about His job like Black dusk...

"OK! But first we have to go get Big Mac..." Twilight said.

"Why didn't he just come with you?" I asked raising my brow, that could have saved us the trouble of going back to the guest hall.

"Well I knocked on his door and it was locked, so I assumed he was still sleepy or maybe he didn't want to be bothered at the time..." Twilight said with a shrug, "So I decided to come and find you first... But I didn't know what room you were in, so I was on my way to ask Princess Celestia where you were when I saw Flash..." Twilight said with a smile, Flash seemed to perk up slightly at the mention of his name.

"OK whatever... Let's just go get Mac before he sleeps all day..." I said with a sigh, but I didn't move because I had no clue where anything was in this danm castle.

"Alright... The guest hall isn't too far from here..." Flash said as he started leading us to it.

When we got there something weird happened. As we walked up to the room Mac was staying in, the door suddenly swung open and Princess Luna came out of it looking exhausted.

"What fuck were you doing in there?" I blurted bluntly and she turned to me in suprise. Flash looked at me like I was crazy for talking to Luna like that and Twilight face hoofed, having seen me do this before.

Princess Luna deadpanned and looked at me.
"We were just telling Big Macintosh good morning before we go to sleep..." She said innocently.

"Wait...what do you mean before you go to sleep? It's like 10 in the morning!" I said, checking my watch.

"We are called the Princess of the night for a reason..." She said with a deadpan expression.

I kinda just sat there, the confusion must have been apprant on my face because Twilight chimed in.

"Princess Luna's royal duties mostly pertain to the night, because of this she is nocturnal..." She explained. Hmm sounds like I won't have to deal with her too much then... Good! because it looks like she's still salty about last night...

"We bid you all good morning, but we are afraid that we must leave you..." She said as she quickly Nuzzled Twilight and Flash (he blushed a little), then looked at me with a disdain and narrowed eyes.

"We have not forgotten last night's incident... we will be watching thee closely..." She said coldly, yeah well I'm still kinda mad at you for attempting to have me executed on impulse, so fuck you.

I said nothing as she continued to stare, Flash and Twilight looked nervous, especially Flash because he didn't know why Luna seemed to hate me.

Luna turned back to the ponies. And they bowed respectfully, Twilight was giving me this sideways glare, oh right I'm a citizen now... I have to bow to her, or I'll rot in prison.

I bowed halfheartedly, "I hope you sleep well Princess.." I said with a hint of poison. Luna however didn't pick up on it, she just smiled smugly and walked away. Before she was gone I quickly turned to the group.

"Let's just get this over with, I have lunch with Princess Celestia later you know!" I said looking annoyed. Luna seems to hear me because she slowed her pace for a few steps before it suddenly quickened as she rushed around a corner, is she mad? I don't give a shit...

Whenever Luna was gone, Flash immediately zipped up to me like an excited child.

"Whoa man she was totally pissed! What did you do?" He asked. Twilight was behind him vigorously shaking her head in a "Don't say shit" gesture.

"I...uh...spilled a drink on her?" I lied, yeah he's totally going to believe that crok of shi...

"Jeez that sucks to be you, I would hate to have a Princess mad at me! Especially if it's Princess Luna..." Flash said with a shudder, I wonder what he means?

"Why? What's so special about her?" I asked, she may have beat my ass but I probably just deserved it then, and I wouldn't let THAT happen again, I don't give a danm how important she is...

"Well... Princess Luna can enter ponies dreams.." He said, like I was supposed to know. Well that's the second pony that's said that, and he's not drunk so it must be true(hell I'm starting believe anything now?)! Then again... I don't remember seeing Luna in my dream...now that I think about it...I don't remember what I dreamed at all... Maybe she was there and she made me forgot the whole thing?

"So what she can enter my dream? My mind is in charge of what happens in my dreams!" I said with a scoff.

"Well that's the thing... When Princess Luna enters your dream, she is completely in control! She can control your dreams and even your Nightmares!" Flash explained.

"Oh..." I said as my eyes widened, thanks Flash! I will now sleep in fear tonight, if I even manage too....

A moment later Mac finally decided to step out of his room. he walked out swiftly and closed the door with a yawn. 

"Mornin everypony..." He said with a weak smile.

"Sup" I said.

"Good morning" Twilight said cheerfully.

"Hey! Long time no see Mac!" Flash said, ah I see dudes call him Mac while the mares call him BIG Mac.... heh...

"What took you so long?" I asked immediately.

Mac just rubbed the back of his neck. "Well ah woke up kinda sore... then somepony left me a fancy breakfast, some bits and a friendly...uh letter..." Mac said, shuddering at the last part.

"What did it say?" I asked. He walked back into the room real quick to get it. Twilight and I were snickering, glancing at each other knowingly, we both knew Luna wasn't just "Saying good morning". Flash just smirked, " Heh... sounds like Mac has a special somepony! I wonder who it is...." He said with a nod, Twilight and I just glanced at each other again, he seriously doesn't know?

Mac came back out with the letter in his mouth, he dropped it into my hands and i read it aloud.

"Dear Mackiepoo...

We hope you have a wondrous day! We wish you the greatest luck with thy procedure and we hope to see you later tonight! Perhaps in our.... private chambers? We would love to hear about thy day over a cup of tea!

Sincerely, your royal lover, The Princess of the night!" I read. Heh... Somepony indeed...

When I finished everyone exchanged looks, Twilight looked amused while Flash looked completely surprised, I somehow managed to hold a simple smile on my face, as Mac glared at us.

"Mackiepoo?" Twilight said, snickering behind her hoof.

"No....bucking.... Way...." Flash stuttered as his eyes turned into pinpricks... I'm not sure how many ponies actually know about this, so I guess this blew  his mind.

"Mac's special somepony... Is PRINCESS LUNA!?!" Flash said loudly in shock.

"Eeyup....Nnope....ah don't know... It's complicated...." Mac said with a sigh.

"Wow...just wow...to be honest I'm a little jealous... You totally lucked out man! you are going out with one of the hottest mares in Equestria!" Flash said with a nod of respect. 

Twilight rolled her eyes at that point, I guess she didn't like it when the boys talked about mare's plots. Eventually I decided it was enough and I cleared my throat.

"Let's just go to the danm detox place already! I have shit to do later..." I said with a frown. "Right...of course... Let's go..." Flash said as his noble guard side came back. OK so I realized something... This castle is like a maze... We took so many turns, went through so many doors, passed so many guards that it all just blurred together. I ended up just blindly following Flash and the others, as they talked among themselves in front of me about... Nightmare Night? Eh I don't give a shit...

Eventually we were in the fancy brick Canterlot streets, where I noticed there weren't as many ponies walking about as in Ponyville. Thank god for that, because all the surprised faces and gaspes I usually get were annoying and don't get me started on the lustful gases and blown kisses I would get from the mares, just things about it makes me shiver!

I noticed that ponies around here wore clothes, because I saw some ponies with what I assumed were business suits (and they looked ridiculous) so I guess the community here is really different. Luckily because of the path we took, nobody could see me.

It didn't take long to get to the hospital because it was only like 2 blocks away from the castle. When we got inside everyone stared at me, nurses stopped what they were doing to watch us walk by. Celestia said she alerted the medical staff of my existence but I guess it was still shocking to actually see me.

Ugh... I swear I'm going to find a way to blend in somehow, because I Hate all this attention! Hmmm... maybe magic can do something about this? A cloaking spell? Is that even a thing? Naa I'll think of something later. Besides... Celestia doesn't want me using magic anyways...

"Good morning everypony! I am nurse Tenderheart! Princess Celestia told me you would be coming here with your....tall friend. Please follow me to the Detoxification Facility..." Said a white pony with pink hair and a red cross with hearts around it as a cutie mark.

"Let's go everypony!" Twilight said, she waved and we followed the nurse through some doors. While we were walking, Twilight and the nurse were talking happily, my gosh... this girl is friends with EVERYONE.

"So how is my sister in Ponyville doing?" Tenderheart asked.

"Oh nurse Redheart? She's doing fine! She does miss you though, she said you don't write her enough..." Twilight said looking a little downcast.

"Oh I do try to, but its extremely busy around here, and its rare that I get a moment to relax, let alone write a letter. But please tell her that I miss her too!". "OK I will!" Twilight said with a gentle nod.

We finally got to a set of double doors that said "Detoxification" and we walked through. There were a couple ponies in the waiting area already, I noticed that there wasn't a single girl there, wow... I guess only dudes are stupid enough to drink golden bud. They slouched and drooled in their chairs like their brains were half melted, it looked like they all had it worse then Mac and I.

I guess because the Princess sent us here we didn't have to wait in the lobby, because Tenderheart just took us straight into one of the detox rooms. The room had a bed with this strange device attached to it...now if I wasent half drunk I would have marveled at the thing, but unfortunately all I could see on the danm thing was this motherfucking needle sticking out of a tube on it.

"Ok who would like to go first?" Tenderheart asked as she turned to Mac and I. We just stared at her silently.
She got an impatient look, "I'm going to pick one of you if you don't volunteer..." She said, tapping her hoof impatiently, we still said nothing, instead we both just stared at the needle on the device.

"OK you first sir..." She said eventually, as she pointed at me...

Shit...

I hopped onto the bed nervously (which was hilariously undersized), and stared at the needle. It was a thin but long one that shined brightly, curse my stupid fear of pointy things, don't be a little bitch Derrick! Especially in front of them! Suck it up!

"Now honestly.... I'm not really sure where to stick this... It's supposed to go in your foreleg... " the nurse said as she handled the needle and stared at my body with great uncertainty. I pulled up my left sleeve and pointed to my inner elbow, where IV's and stuff like that usually go.

"Pretty sure it's here..." I muttered, staring at the needle I gulped, let's hope she doesn't miss! The nurse disinfected the area with a wipe and I took a deep breath as she aimed for my vein.

"What's your name?" Tenderheart suddenly asked.

"Uh...just call me DJ..." I answered.

"You seem a bit nervous DJ..." She said with a giggle

"No shit..." 

"Do you like muffins?" she asked as she smiled warmly.

"Yeah I like muff....ahhh!" I was interrupted by a needle being jammed deep into my arm, that sly bitch distracted me...

"God dammit..." I whispered as the nurse switched the machine on and I instantly felt light headed. "Don't worry hon you're going to be just fine... I'll go fetch you a muffin while the machine does it's job..." The nurse said kindly as she walked to the door.

"Hold on nurse..." Flash said as he walked up to her and whispered something in her ear, she looked confused for a moment before nodding, "I'll be right back..." She said as she left with a smile.

Twilight started to giggle at me as well as Mac.

"What? I'm afraid of pointy things..." I said lazily.

"Oh its not that..." Twilight said shaking her head.

"Then what?"

"You look high as buck right now man..." Flash said bluntly and they busted out into laughter.

"No...I'm...not....high! I'm....just....low..." I said slowly, prompting more laughter, as I felt really tired and dizzy, this machine was really draining me!

A few moments later nurse Tenderheart walked in again but this time she carried a basket with a clear orb inside it.

"What's....that..." I muttered quietly as I fought drowsiness. 

"It's a magic orb, I need you to channel some of your magic into it so we can test it's properties..."  She explained. I then looked at her like she was crazy but flash raised his hoof.

"Princess's orders..." He said as he gestured to the orb. I sighed in annoyance, and flopped my arm into the basket and felt around until I had the orb in my hand. I focused on it for a moment until i felt a tiny amount of my magic fill the orb.

"Thanks! I should have the results shortly, but in the mean time I should get your friend on the detox machine next..." Tenderheart said as she Gestured to Mac who gulped nervously. So she removed the needle from my arm, cleaned the wound and got the machine ready for Mac by quickly disposing and replacing the needle.

So that was it! it was finally over! ...I felt...drained... And tired, but Tenderheart assured me that was just temporary and that I would feel fine in a few minutes, so I just sat in the chair next to Twilight. Now that I could think clearly I decided to ask Twilight something.

"Twilight... You know a lot about magic and stuff right?"

"Yes! Was there something you wanted to know?" She said, perking up at the chance to flex her brain.

"Is it hard too... Transform objects into something else?" I asked curiously, Celestia reacted oddly when I turned her book into a muffin, then again who wouldn't react oddly to that?

Twilight thought for a second before answering, "Yes... that is a very advanced spell... It takes a while for unicorn's to master something like that, in fact even I can't do it right yet!" She admitted.

"You would also require a large amount of magic to do it....unless..." She paused looking uncertain.

"Unless what?" I asked.

"Unless that pony happened to have Chaos magic..." She answered with a shrug.

"Chaos magic?"

"Yes it's one of the most powerful and saught after magics in Equestria! A pony could easily transform, and conjure up things with it... Even themselves..." Twilight explained. Before I could say something she added, "But it's REALLY rare... In fact... There hasn't been any chaos magic in Equestria in at least 2000 years..." She added.

Hmm... Considering the description she gave, me that sounds a lot like what I have... But she said it was rare! I got this magic from Celestia, and as far as I know she doesn't have chaos magic. But the way I transformed that book...it was so easy and natural... And I didn't even have magic for 24 hours so I was definitely not an experienced magic user... This all seemed strange... Celestia is even having my magic tested RIGHT NOW, so it could be possible....somehow

I decided to try something to confirm my suspicions, but not here right in front of them all.

"Hey where's the uh... bathroom?" I asked to nobody in particular.

"Take a left over there..." The nurse said as she hooked the non willing red stallion to the machine (Twilight had to force him on with her magic). She gestured to a short hallway on the far side of the room where I quickly stumbled to. I found a door and I rushed into it quickly and closed it, I was now alone.

Now Celestia may have told me to refrain from using my magic, but I HAD to see if this was true. OK.... so Twilight said That chaos magic could transform objects, and the users could also do it to themselves, so my plan was simple: if I could transform into something then I have chaos magic. Now I just had to figure out what... Hmm maybe I could fix that earlier problem... With those danm ponies staring at me on the streets... Maybe if I... No...that's crazy! Well...it can't hurt...

I looked in the mirror and concentrated on myself, getting a mental image of what I was going to turn into, then in a flash of magic I changed. When I opened my eyes again I was different...

I was now a pony.

I decided that if I was going to change I may aswell do this because it could come in handy for blending in and it was the only thing I could think of at the time. I also decided to be a Pegasus because I thought it would be cool to conquer my fears and fly around. My pony version wasn't very colorful, infact it only had 3 colors, Black White and my Golden eyes, hmm... Maybe I should spice it up? I concentrated and made colorful stripes appear on my mane. eww...OK I looked way better before....

I sat there looking at myself, the golden eyes thing is weird... hmmm... can't seem to change it, maybe I can't because my eyes glow when I use magic? Before I could finish that thought I flashed again and turned back into a human...what the fuck? Is this timed? Seems like it is... It won't be very useful if I can only do it for a minute... Maybe if I use more power it will last longer? So I tried again, but this time I used a shit load more power so I wouldn't transform back after a minute.

After a second successful transformation I thought I should probably practice walking around... so I started practicing walking in circles to make sure I could really fit in with the crowd, hopefully I wouldn't trip or anything. I should probably practice flying or something later when I find an open area.

I examined myself some more I kinda like pony me... Despite my hate for ponies in general, I could get used to this! Think of all the pranks I could pull in this disguise! I should probably come up with a name or something for it...

Suddenly I felt a familiar power that I dreaded, and unfortunately it wasn't long before I heard a certain ponies voice in the room, it was PRINCESS CELESTIA.

Son of a Bitch...

Shit! I can't cut the spell off right now! I used WAY too much power on it! They can't see me like this! They'll totally freak out! Then Celestia will be pissed at me for using my magic, and because I'm a citizen now she can kinda punish me like one now... What do I do??? I have to come out eventually! I can already hear them saying I've been in here for a while... You know what?

Fuck this...

I noticed the bathroom had a window and I quickly pried it open and hopped out of it..... Which I regret immediately because I've only had wings for 2 minutes....

*thud*

"Ow..."

I quickly stood up after that and looked around, thankfully nobody saw me jump out of a 2nd story hospital window so it seems like I was still unnoticed right now. I glanced up at the open window and I jumped in suprise, Celestia and Twilight were staring at me through it. 

Twilight's mind was completely and utterly fucked and her face showed it, while Celestia looked surprised and confused too.

"Derrick?" Celestia said raising a brow, holy fucking shit...

She knows! And she looks fucking PISSED!

I didn't dwindel on the fact that the Princess may or may not have seen through my disguise, I was already 2 blocks away before I felt Celestia's power suddenly surge up.

IM SO FUCKING DEAD!

>>>

I sighed as another stack of papers and scrolls was plopped onto my desk.

"More guard reports sir.." A young private said as he saluted me. This pony was shaking from anxiety but he somehow held himself at attention, was he scared of me?

"At ease private..." I said, the private let out a breath and almost slumped to the floor, he looked exhausted.

"You're a mess Private Dawn... how much sleep did you get last night?" I asked.

"I didn't even sleep last night..." The private said looking down in shame, this pony does some serious overtime! He needs a break.

"Listen private... Take the day off... You won't be much use to the guard if you're in danger of collapsing from exhaustion..." I said with a grin.

"Thank you... Captain..." He said with a weak smile.

"Skip the formalities Dawn... You're off duty now... Just call me Shining armor... I won't bite you.." I said with a chuckle.

"Of course Captain... Er I mean sir...uh Shining.." He stuttered as he took his helmet off and almost dropped it.

"Go get some sleep Dawn..." I said, shaking my head.

"OK armor... shining..... sir..." He said as he moved toward the door, stumbling slightly.

"And lay off the coffee! It can't replace real sleep!" I reminded as he closed my door.
I chuckled in my chair as I had a flashback, I used to be just like him when I joined the guard. My warm smile from good memories faded as I looked back at the stack of paperwork. 

I let out an annoyed sigh as I got to work on it, sifting through reports of the days events. Unfortunately nothing major ever happened around here because Equestria was currently in a state of everlasting peace. Now don't get me wrong... I don't want a war to suddenly break out or something... But for Celestia's sake this is SO boring!

Apprantly being a captain ment dealing with stacks of paperwork, which sucks because when I was initially promoted I thought my life as a guard was going to be exciting but now I just "lead" the guard and handle complaints, sift through reports drink government funded coffee  and sit in this office.

Now I could order some of my subordinates to do this for me but that would kind of be like running out on the job, and that's a fat No from me! Now I know what it feels like... Princess Celestia has to deal with 4x times the paperwork as me and she has to make nice with snooty politicians and crazy ambassadors... Let's just say... Last time the dragons came, they almost burned the castle down.... Yeah... A dark day indeed. Don't even get me started about the GRIFFINS... We didn't have meals prepared for carnivores, so somepony almost got eaten...

Needless to say I was aching for excitement right now, as if my wish was granted a knock came at my door, now that could have been any pony, but the power I was sensing told me otherwise, It could only be one of the Alicorn sisters. I assumed it was Celestia because Luna would be sleeping at this time.

I cleared my throat and straightened up in my chair.

"Come in..." I said. The door opened to reveal Princess Luna, guess I was wrong...

"Captain Armor? May we ask a favor of thee?" She said as she quickly rushed in my office and shut the door behind her. She looks really tired... Why is she even still up?

I got out of my chair and approached her slowly, she looked like she might pass out so I didn't plan to let her fall.

"Anything for you your Highness, What do you need?" I said with a salute.

"Sit down while we explain to thee..." She as she sat on one of the coaches in my office, I sat back in my chair with a shrug.

"What's going on?" I asked with concern.

Luna took a big breath and blurted suddenly, " OUR TIA IS HAVING LUNCH WITH SOMEPONY " she blurted loudly making my mane messy, she covered her mouth looking embarrassed about her outburst. OK... the Princess is having lunch with someone... She does it all the time with the politicians, it's hardly an exciting subject nore does it have anything to do with me...

"I'm sorry Princess but I don't see the problem..." I said carefully, Luna could get made quite easily.

"The PROBLEM is the pony going with her..." She said, looking abit agitated.

I leaned forward in my chair and sighed, looks like it was going to be boring after all...

"Alright who is it?" I asked with a yawn.

"They art not a pony, but a HUMAN!" She said as her eye twitched.

My eyes widened and I sat up straight in my chair. A Human? The same one I briefed the guard about? The one that arrived out of nowhere yesterday? Derrick... I haven't gotten the chance to meet him yet but I plan to after work. Some of the guards say he's almost as tall as Celestia, but I'll believe it when I see it... All the female guards said he was cute also... Which was irrelevant...

The worry in my face faded as I relaxed in my chair. it's just like the lunches she had with the various ambassadors, "Well that is an interesting guy to dine with, but I still don't see the problem... I haven't gotten any reports of him causing any trouble..." I said calmly.

Luna's eye twitched again a few times before she lowered her head.

"The human has desecrated our big sisters horn..." She muttered, I shot up in my chair immediately.

"WHAT!!!" I yelled in outrage, who does he think he is?

"I'll get the execution squad ready..." I said as I immediately began writing a letter, nopony has been executed in over 3000 years so I guess I need to actually MAKE an execution squad...

"Nay... The human was under the influence of Golden Bud Cider, That accident has been forgiven..." Luna said with a deadpan expression. I promptly crushed the paper and tossed it into a nearby trashcan. Now that was a HUGE deal around here, you don't just touch ponies horns unless you're in a serious relationship, but if the guy was under Golden Bud's influence then I could understand it happening, especially sense He's not from around here.

"Well then...I still fail to see the problem here..." I stated again, Luna sighed in frustration.

"The Human's contact with our sister has gifted him with magical powers..." She explained, OK this is officially interesting now...

"Her magic has changed him... It is a powerful and strange magic that we don't recognize, we fear that even our powerful sister could be in Danger..." She said.

"So you want me to stop the lunch from happening?" I interrupted, thinking I had a clear understanding.

"Nay. We simply request that thee keep an eye on Our sister for us. What thou decided to do from there is up to thee, we are simply to exhausted to do it ourself.

" So let me get this straight... You want me to spy on Princess Celestia And the human?" I said as I stood up slowly with a raised brow, Luna nodded. Should I do this? If I'm caught... Princess Celestia would be FURIOUS! But if this Derrick is actually a threat to the Princess then I would be right there to swoop in and kick tail, I guess it couldn't hurt to be there just in case... this may not be the exciting call to action I expected but it was certainly better then signing and stamping papers.

"Alright I'll do it..." I sad with a shrug.

"HUZZAH!!! WE THANK THEE!" She yelled cheerfully as she crushed me with a hug, so this is what it feels like? Poor Macintosh...

"Now we can sleep in peace!" She said with a smile as she let go of me, I dropped to the floor gasping for air.

"Oh and we forgot to mention... We art not certain of when the lunch actually begins, but The human is currently being treated for golden bud at the canterlot hospital, and Thy little sister, Twilight sparkle is there along with Big Macintosh and Flash sentry. " she said as she left the room.

Flash sentry? With MY little TWILY? Now I'm definitely obligated to go there. Flash is a good friend and a outstanding guard besides occasional slip ups, but I just can't stand seeing him with my little Twily! Now I have two pairs to watch...

I looked back at the papers and sighed, looks like some poor pony is going to do the captain's paperwork today after all...






 
> Act 2 part 1: The new ME
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 2 part 1: The new ME

I'm a complete idiot... I'm fucking stupid....I'm a dumbass.... Why the fuck am I running! Apprantly I haven't learned anything from the last time I tried to run from Twilight... And Luna....and Rarity.... Kind of I wasent running. There were SOME positives though, I could now successfully blend with the crowd with little effort. Unfortunately, to do so I had to stop running at a full sprint otherwise I would look suspicious, also the looks the mares gave me? Now I would only get the flirting if they actually saw me up close, which was pretty much never because I was jogging away before they could start conversation, which they tried a lot More because I was a pony now.

The other advantage I have that I didn't have before is magic, which is barely even one at all considering all I know how to do is make muffins, shoot lasers and maybe levitate things, how that'll help me here? I don't know. Now I know you're all thinking " Why don't you just fly away?" Well the answer is I can't! I have absolutely no experience flying so even if SOMEHOW i managed to fly in a fucking straight line, I would probably just get spotted immediately by the Princess anyway.

So there I was... Jogging at a brisk pace, away from the castle, heading towards nothing In particular. I could FEEL the Princess's powerful magic nearby, which probably means she can feel mine too, but I couldn't see her anywhere so needless to say I'm still scared shitless right now... I eventually stopped next to some kind of fruit stand to catch my breath and calm down so I could focus. I looked around for a while, she's still nowhere to be see.....oh fuck.

Celestia was right across the street, searching the crowd for me, along with....shit Twilight's there too! I knew I sensed someone else near her! Great now I have two ponies after me, the motherfucking Princess of the sun, and her Faithful apprentice. Luckily... it looked like they didn't get a good look at me before, because they couldn't pick me out of the crowd quite yet.

"Hey cutie..... you hungry?" Said a voice next to me, making me jump slightly. I turned to see a green and white mare holding out an apple to me, she looked at me slightly flushed. Ugh... I've been here too long! "Here! This one is on the house!" She said with a slight flutter of her eyes. "Thanks?" I said sheepishly as she hoofed it to me. Now let me tell you... I kinda miss having thumbs.... I mean to be honest the hoof thing isn't as bad as it looks, because despite their rough appearance, you can still actually grip things somewhat well. Now don't fucking ask me how, because I'm not a fucking biologist, but just know that you CAN grab things with hoofs. After some quick practice I was able to eat the apple normally as if I had thumbs when I was human.

The momentary break didn't last too long, because I saw Twilight pointing to me in the crowd, she said something to Celestia and both of their heads quickly darted to my position and Celestia's eyes narrowed as she said something to Twilight.

"Oh....uh gotta go!!!" I blurted quickly as I took off in the opposite direction, I knew they would catch me then and there if I didn't come up with a distraction, time to put that magic to use.

I quickly stopped and turned to the fruit stand, can I even use magic in this Pegasus form? I'm about to find out! I made sure nobody could see me and I raised my right hoof, focusing on one of the legs on the fruit stand. My hoof started to glow as I quickly pulled the wooden leg off with a wave gesture, causing all of the fruit to spill across the street. Celestia being the kind soul she was simply HAD to stop to help and pick them up, allowing me make a swift exit, it was a dick move but it had to be done... I'll probably find someway to repay that mare one day...

>>>

I spotted the Pegasus that The princess suspected to me DJ eating an apple next to a fruit stand. "There he is! He's next to that fruit stand!" I said as Princess Celestia quickly turned to it. "Good eye, my Faithful student!" Celestia praised as we quickly rushed over toward him. Unfortunately the fruit stand in front of us suddenly collapsed, throwing an assortment of apples oranges and pears all over the street.

"Oh no not again! " the earth pony mare who owned the stand said as she scrambled to pick up the fruit that rolled into the street. "Do not fret my Loyal Subject, we will assist you..." The Princess said in her kind motherly tone, well I guess I'm picking up some fruit then... Princess Celestia and I started using our magic to slowly return all the fruit to the stand, wipe the dirt off of the fruit, As well as fix the stand itself. One of the legs had come off of it somehow, hmm that's strange...

"Oh thank you your Highness!" The mare said as she bowed thankfully. "You are very welcome..." Celestia said with a nod. The mare seemed to look nervous for a second. " So Is that guy you're after your special somepony? It seems a little too early to be chasing stallions around..." She asked with a giggle. I gasped at the off-topic question, did she really ask that?

The Princess blinked twice, complety wide eyed. I guess she never even thought about that as a possibility, then again as far as I know she usually spent the season alone, that's something I observed after being her student for a while, I never had the courage to ask her about it yet but it's her personal business.

"No...he is not... My Faithful student and I just need a word with him..." She said with a fake smile. "Really? So... he's available? Now I know what stallion to look for in a few weeks..." The mare said with half lid eyes. "Actually he's NOT available..." The Princess said quickly, smiling nervously. Wait what? "But you just said that he was... oh wait.... I see what's going on here..." The mare said as she looked at both of us with a smug grin, oh she's not suggesting that ...both of us... and him.... together?

"You three don't have to hide your relationship..." The mare said with a giggle, she IS suggesting it! The Princess frowned and gave the mare a stern look. "We are NOT in a relationship!" She said with a light stamp of her hoof. "Sure you're not..." The mare said sarcastically, her smug grin only widening. The Princess face hoofed and grumbled to herself, I think it's time I ended this awkward conversation...

Suddenly the mare's fruit stand collapsed again, undoing all the work we just did. "Oh not AGAIN!" The mare said with an annoyed snort. "I'm sorry to interrupt this wonderful discussion, but we have a stallion to catch!" I said quickly, prompting the Princess and I to take off galloping in the direction DJ went, leaving the mare with her mess.

After we were a distance away we slowed down, "Princess?" I asked. "How come you said DJ was in a relationship?" I asked curiously. The Princess paused her gallop and raised her eyebrow. "I was simply saving him a possible annoyance in the near future..." She explained. "I've seen Derrick express his annoyance for crazy mares..." She added with a giggle. " Yeah... It's written all over his face when he's in public! But If I didn't know any better... I'd say you were just saving him for yourself! " I joked making us both giggle. "Don't joke like that...." She said rolling her eyes. Then she stopped and smiled knowingly. " You knocked that stand over the second time didn't you..." She said. "I sure did! That mare had a big mouth and she wouldn't let up!" I said proudly, the Princess looked at me with slight disappointment.

"I don't condone that type of behavior..." She said sternly, what have I done! "Oh I...I'm so sorry Princess Celestia! I'll never do it again! I pinkie promise!" I blurted nervously as I bowed at her hoofs. "Officially..." She finished with a smile. "Huh?" I said as I stood up again in confusion. "I was about to knock it over myself... You saved me the trouble so I thank you!" She said with a giggle, well I wasn't expecting THAT from the Princess... "You're welcome! I'm sorry we lost DJ though..." I said as I searched the streets again. We started to run around searching for DJ.

After a while the Princess looked around and took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "Brace yourself my Faithful student, I think this chase has gone on long enough..." She said with a frown. "What...do..you...have...in mind?" I said as struggled to breath, all this running was taking a toll on me while the Princess seemed unaffected by the whole thing. Princess Celestia didn't break a sweat on runs like this because she was an Alicorn, in fact I'm sure she can run way faster then this if she really wanted to but I guess she's holding back so she doesn't scare somepony and cause a scene. The princess got a mischievous smile on her face as she charged up her magic.

"Oh...THAT spell..." I sad as I braced my stomach...

>>>

After rushing through a few more city blocks and exiting through a guarded gate, I was finally on the outskirts of Canterlot. There were a lot of grassy hills and wide open areas with few trees. It all seemed to go on for a while. I noticed that Ponyville was merely at the bottom of this large mountain so I guess flight to and from there didn't take as long as I thought. I decided to stop at the top of one of the hills to catch my breath, I wasn't that exhausted because it seemed I could run a lot longer then usual in this pony body. I rested on my haunches (I think that's what it's called...fuck it I sat down...) looking around trying to figure out where I should go next, maybe i could sneak back in to canterlot? Or maybe I could find some random cave to hide in until this is over.... Wait who am I kidding? This is fucking pointless!

Suddenly in a flash of, Twilight appeared in front of me looking somewhat dazed. What the hell? How did she... Whatever I'm OUT!

I quickly scrambled to my feet and began running again, Twilight tried to chase after me but I was faster then her. You dont know how hard it is to fight the urge to scream "You're too slow!" At the top of my lungs, buy I resisted somehow.

"DJ wait!" She called out to me desperately, I turned my head to respond. "Nope nope nope!!" I yelled back, but when I turned forward again another flash of light revealed Princess Celestia, standing a few feet in front of me looking quite angry.

"Gotcha!"

I jammed my hoofs into the ground in an effort to stop but it was already too late. I ended up slamming right into Celestia, knocking me flat on my back. Ok Slamming into Celestia was like running full speed into a brick wall, it hurt like hell and it makes you hear ringing bells. Celestia didn't even budge, she seemed completly uneffected by the collision, what the hell! It was then that Twilight caught up with us and she looked down on me as I sat there in a daze, seeing stars and mumbling unintelligibly. I shook my head vigorously to clear it, then looked up at Celestia.

OK let me explain something to you, I was now a pony, which means that my height has been drastically reduced. I am now about Flash's size so that ment that Celestia was fucking Huuuuuge! And it also didn't help that her expression was so intense, her hair was covering one of her eyes as usual but that one eyed glare cut through me like butter. I could practically TASTE the anger and disappointment radiating off of her as she gazed down at me.

So like the smart guy I am, I tried to run again. Before I could do that I found myself in that familer golden glow as I was pretty much paralyzed instantly, fucking magic.... I struggled to get free a few times, Celestia was effortlessly holding me down, Each time I tried to get free, she would add more pressure until I could barely breath. I swear I'm going to find a way to combat this telekinesis bullshit, I hate being powerless!

"I am going to release you now, and when I do you, best not attempt to run again..." Celestia stated as I shakingly nodded in compliance, well the closest nod I could pull off while being restrained by magic.

She released me from her magic and I carefully stood up onto my 4 legs.
"What do you have to say for yourself?" Celestia asked simply, and I gulped nervously. "Well...I...uh....had a hunch..." I said with a nervous smile. "And what was your hunch?" Celestia asked with narrowed eyes. "Well according to Twilight's info on Chaos magic, it makes it easy to create and manipulate objects, and chaos magic users can change their appearance with little effort..." I explained with a shrug. "So I said to myself, if I can change into something than I must have this chaos magic she's talking about..." Then I gestured to myself. "Then I attempted to solve one of my problems, so i made myself a pony to try and blend in I guess.." I said with a sigh.

"And blend in you did!" Twilight interrupted as she walked around me and examined my pony body. "This is a very accurate transformation! All the pony biology is in check!" Twilight said excitedly as she touched and felt on my hoofs and wings. I had to push her away when she got the science face and started examining my crotch, yeah slow down there Mrs.Sparkle!

"Calm down Twilight! I'm not some lab specimen!" I said with a frown. "Sorry..." She said as she backed off and smiled innocently. Celestia cleared her throat and spoke, she'd been watching us in silence with a neutral expression the whole time. "So you deliberately disobeyed my plea, in order to play a hunch?" She said glaring at me accusingly. "Yes?" I choked out nervously, man she is scary when she's mad!

"Well I hope you're satisfied because you were right..." She said sternly as she held up a paper that had the results of the magic test. She broght it close so in could read it. Unsurprisingly, alot of it I didn't understand because of Equestrian terminology but to sum bits up, it was saying that I had traces of "Alicorn magic" and a "unspecified unstable magic" which was in this case, Chaos magic I assumed.

"Wait so I have your magic... AND Chaos magic?" I uttered in suprise, I kinda thought that something changed the magic I got from Celestia not that I had BOTH. "Indeed you do... It seems that my magic was simply the catalyst to awakening the chaos magic within you..." Celestia said with a grim expression. "So I've had this all along? I highly doubt that.... I'm pretty sure chaos magic wasn't a thing in my world" I said with a scoff. "Perhaps.... Or.... Maybe during the events of that missing day in your memory, the magic was somehow obtained by you..." Celestia hypothesized. "Your guess is as good as mine... " I said with a shrug, If that's true then that day must have been really fucked up for me...

The Princess's eyes softened as she continued "From what I can tell, it seems my Alicorn magic is stabilizing your Chaos magic and keeping it in check....for now..." She said with uncertainty. "So it shouldn't go it of control..." Twilight muttered. "Cool..." I said with a grin as I played with my magic again, lifting a small stone in front of me. When Celestia and Twilight saw me they gasped in shock. "How can you do that? You're a Pegasus right now?" Twilight questioned. "I can use magic in this form too I guess..." I said casually. Twilight looked concerned as she tilted her head, " make sure nopony finds out about that, they'll freak out if they see a Pegasus using magic without an explanation.. " Twilight warned, well that sucks! I have to hide my magic now.

Celestia watched me, looking intrigued at first before she slowly deadpanned. "You knocked that stand over the first time didn't you..." She said, glaring over at me accusingly. "Maybe...." I said with a nervous grin, making both mares sigh in annoyance. "Wait... it fell over AGAIN?" I said as what she said finally clicked in my head. "Yes but the second time it was complety necessary..." Twilight said with an innocent smile. I didn't know what she meant so I just shook my head.

"That is irrelevant, Derrick still ruined that mare's fruit stand..." Celestia stated. "Hey I was running for my life back there!" I said in defense. Celestia looked offended from my comment. "I would never hurt or let alone outright take your life over such an offense...." She said, looking at me like I was crazy. Then her expression changed back to irritation. "There will however be consequences...." She added, I gulped nervously and quickly dropped the rock.

"Consequences?" I said with a nervous smile, am i going to the dungeon? Maybe she'll make me her personal slave? Or worse maybe she'll force me to do community service, or maybe she will just banish me from equestria entirely! I have no idea what she's capable of so I don't know what to expect.

"Yes indeed CONSEQUENCES! I haven't decided what they will be as of yet , but just know that your disobedience will not go unpunished..." Celestia said sternly, well I'm going to the fucking dungeon... 

"How did you guys catch up with me anyways?" I asked with a raised brow. " I used a Teleportation spell..." Celestia said. I face hoofed fore the first time ( that's a bit harder then I'm used to..), why am I not surprised...

"That's going on the list..." I said as I shook my head "What list?" Twilight asked. "Nothing, how come you don't teleport more often?" I said, if they could just teleport around, why waste time walking anywhere? "Teleportation is an advanced spell that has limits. It takes a lot of magical power, doesn't work well in crowded areas and it can be somewhat unpredictable and inaccurate..." Celestia explained. "It can even be painful in some situations..." Celestia added with a shudder, she's probably clipped into a wall or something, I'm not even going to ask...

"Well that's going on the list..." I said again, Celestia and Twilight looked at each other then back to me in confusion.

"What list?" They both asked sternly, making me flinch. "Oh just a.... mental checklist of.... bullshit I've encountered in Equestria..." I said with a nervous smile. Celestia shook her head in disappointment and Twilight facepalmed. "Magic is a very prominent thing on it.... As well as that Golden bud crap..." I mentioned with distaste, I intentionally left out the part where Both Twilight and Celestia were on the list as well.

"Speaking of Golden bud we should really head back to the hospital and see how the others are doing?" Twilight reminded. " I'll save time and Teleport us there, brace yourselves. " Celestia said as she powered up her magic. "Brace myself?" I said puzzlingly, before we disappeared in a bright flash.

...

"So then she said, our Royal body is ready for thee, and ah wasn't about to say NO to a Princess so ah...well... you know...." Mac said with a weak smile. "Jeez... That escalated quickly.... I don't know if I could have handled that! At least she was straight forward about what she wanted..." Flash said with a chuckle. "Eeyup! Ever since that season we've been in this weird back and forth relation..."

*ZAP*

We appeared in the room suddenly, huh... This teleporting thing isn't so bad....scratch that I'm about to throw up my fucking guts! If it wasn't for Celestia, there would have been a very nasty mess on the floor. "I told you to brace yourself..." She scolded as she desposed of my chunks in a nearby trash bin. "I'll let you know when I figure out a way to brace my fucking stomach..." I said sarcastically.

Mac and Flash sat there staring at us wide eyed Mac appeared done with his procedure and it looked like they were only waiting around the hospital for us. "So...." Mac started. "Do you mind explaining why you two rushed into the bathroom after DJ...." Flash said, " Then suddenly Appearin outta nowhere with a random Pegasi? " Mac finished as they looked at the mares for an explanation. "Well to put it simply, we left to FIND Derrick and we came Back WITH Derrick..." Celestia said with a nervous smile. That was when they started to stare at me, they looked like their brains blue screened.

" So he's....that's....you're....DJ?" Flash finally said. "Yep..." I said with a nervous smile. Both of them slowly stood up and walked over to me, they examined my new form (thankfully not as intrusive and thorough as Twilight did), after looking me over there was only one question on they're minds.

"How?"

Celestia basically just gave them the whole run down on her and Twilight feeling a "Huge impulse of magic" inside the bathroom, then them seeing me run away as a pony. She also explained the whole chaos magic thing to them and how I could manipulate my appearance and shit. "Neat... So how long will you be like this?" Flash asked, I looked over to him with uncertainty.

"Well I think it's timed depending on how much magic I use..." I said with a shrug.

"Judging from the amount magic you used, its going to be quite some time..." Celestia added.

"Why did ya do this exactly?" Mac asked as he pointed to me.

" To blend in?" I replied with a shrug.

"Well this might work for the crowds but what are we going to Tell everypony that already met human Derrick?" Flash said as he rubbed his chin, he was kinda right. While I was in this form people would be wondering where the hell I was and who this new pony was.

" You're right flash.... What do we say to ponyville assuming I go back there? "I say that because I was probably going back there and everyone there saw me at that party, and rumors probably spread already.... "Maybe we could say you went back to your world?" Mac suggested. "Nah I'm sticking around for a while, so when this wears off they'll start asking questions..." I said with a shake of my head. "Maybe just say you stayed at the castle?" Twilight said, hmm... That could work... " Yeah human me is sitting in some random room undisturbed " I said with a grin.

"OK but what about the pony you?" Flash said, we sat in thought for a while until Princess Celestia decided to add her 2 cents. "Normally I would tell you to simply tell the truth, but some may try to harm or use you if your Chaos magic abilities became common knowledge..." She said with some regret. " I suggest only telling close friends the truth about you..." She said. I kinda just went Meh, "I don't have friends and I don't need any..." I said waving that issue off. The Princess seemed disturbed about my answer as did Twilight.

"How can you say that? You honestly think you'll be fine with no friends? What kind of life is that!?!" Twilight scolded. "Hey I don't need to be friends with everyone to live happily..." I said with a chuckle. Then Twilight got all puffy eyed, Flash and Mac rolled their eyes like " here we go". Twilight sniffled, "I thought I was your friend DJ..." She said sadly, oh for God's sake...
"Uh I didn't mean to... er...you're my friend I guess..." I said nervously, in an attempt to calm her down. She proceeded to smile and it made a fucking "Sqee" sound, I swear..... Adding that to the list... Wait.... Is it already on the list? I should really write this shit down one day... Then again if Twilight, Pinkie, Celestia, Luna, Rainbow, and Rarity somehow find it they'll be angry with me, especially Luna... A lot of shit on her...

"Seriously though anyone I remotely consider a friend is already in this room..." I stated, they all seemed to brighten up slightly at my comment, except Celestia who looked troubled still. "Such a bold statement... Friendship is a very wonderful thing that is important for everypony to have in they're lives, are you really going to limit yourself to only to 4 potential friends?" Celestia asked, she gazed at me concerned.

"Yup... I'm not obligated to make nice with random ponies, especially since I haven't even been here for 48 hours..." I said with a shrug, while there were some that I liked more than others I still wasent sure if they were really friend material. Celestia then looked at me with a mischievous smile, oh shit what is she planning? 

"What if.... I made that your obligation?" She said, my eyes turned to pinpricks as Twilight turned to her. "What if you made what his obligation?" She asked curiously. "Discovering the importance and power of friendship, by going out and meeting a variety of new ponies in ponyville..." Celestia said, her smile widening as the idea came together in her head, I guess this is my fitting punishment...I think I'd rather take the dungeon...

" He could stay with me... We would be studying the same thing, and I could secretly help him with his magic... " Twilight added as this new "obligation" started to form, does Celestia seriously have Twilight studying friendship? Instead of teaching her how to be a all powerful, badass, supermodel that raises the sun? Sigh... And of course I'm rooming with her now, which means I have to deal with Her AND spike! If I'm to stay sane I'm going to have to befriend them... So that's 2 already. 

"And he would do this as this new pony persona of himself. where he would essentially have a new leash on life..." Flash added, what you too??? You're supposed to be on my side helping me escape this bullshit! You're cut from the friends list bud. I then turned to Mac, I was half expecting him to add more to this crap too but he simply shrugged his shoulders and said nothing, ah good old Mac... I think that's friend number 3!

"Derrick would be an odd name for a pony... Perhaps you should come up with a name more fitting for a pony." Celestia pointed out. I thought for a second, hmmm.... The trend seems to be 2 words that center around what a pony does... But considering all I used to do as a human was game I don't think that would apply here that much... Meh let me go generic...

" Drift Jolt" I muttered, not really caring at that point, I basically took the initials DJ (because fuck finding a word for Y) and pulled 2 words related to flying and weather out of my ass.

"Not bad I guess..." Flash said with a nod, coming from him, of course my name would sound decent.

"Eeyup!" Mac said with another shrug.

"Hm... I like it!" Twilight said with a smile.

"Yes! it's a Very fitting name!" Celestia said in agreement as she pointed to my cutie mark, it was a tornado with a lightning bolt across it or something, meh I don't care as long as its not something fruity.

"Twilight you said cutie markes represent your talent right?" I asked, she nodded in conformation. "OK so what the fuck does a tornado with a lightning bolt across it mean?" I asked as I stared at it. "Well you are a special case, because most ponies know what they're mark means when they get it..." Twilight said with a nervous shrug. I sighed in annoyance, now I have to figure this out?

"Perhaps you could start off as a weather pony since they make tornadoes and lightning?" Celestia suggested. I got kinda excited because it would be cool to make a tornado or shoot Lightning.

"Yeah! We can ask Rainbow dash for a spot on the ponyville team when we get back! She is the captain after all!" Twilight said cheerfully, wait Rainbow dash? Ugh.... Her ego is bigger than Luna's ass, why do I have to deal with her? What's worse is she'll be my boss too.... She'll probably order me to stroke her ego or barf rainbows or something like that. 

"Applejack and ah will always have work for ya at the farm if you like..." Mac said, hmm can't be too hard... And I get along with his sister too... "Don't forget, Luna and I will have tasks for you as well!" Celestia reminded, heh yeah I'm coming to YOU not Luna... Fuck her and her ink stain plot.

"You could even join the Royal guard now that you're a pony!" Flash suggested, maybe... As long as I get custom armor because I don't like this roman, centurion, whatever style.  "I'll keep those jobs in mind, thanks guys..." I muttered, I actually appreciated this because I want to start getting income then maybe I could buy a house before the season and lock myself in it along with any other bro's that want to escape like Mac.

Twilight brought up another important thing "You're going to have to start talking like a pony. Everypony instead of everyone, nopony instead of nobody, and er..." "Buck instead of fuck..." Flash finished for her with a chuckle making Celestia giggle. 

"OK I'll work on that..." I said with a roll of my eyes.

"You can now consider yourself my student, until you learn the value of friendship!" Celestia announced. I just nodded slowly, if she calls me her faithful student I'll jump off a bridge. " As such you will be expected to report to me daily on your findings on friendship! " Celestia added.

"Wat?" I said blankly. "What the hell do you want me to write? Oh I learned that Twilight talks to damn much?" I said sarcastically making everyone laugh except Twilight who snorted angrily. " For now I will leave that up to your discretion, Twilight can help you if you need assistance." She said. " Fuck my life.... " I said aloud as I face hoofed. "You mean buck my life..." Flash corrected," Don't bucking push me sentry..." I said sternly, everyone just laughed at my anger , I just snorted angrily and cursed under my breath. Eventually I calmed down and we continued, "OK it's settled... I'm assuming word of me being a pony won't leave this room?" I asked for confirmation, they all nodded in response. "Alright then when do we leave for ponyville?" Twilight asked to no one in particular.

"Does tonight sound good?" Celestia asked, everyone nodded. It was at that moment that my hunger kicked in and my stomach growled. "Splendid! If everypony is done here Derrick and I...er I mean Drift Jolt, well be taking our leave..." Celestia said as she walked to the door, oh yeah lunch... Fuck yes! "Yeah I'm gonna go back to ma room until it's time to go back ta ponyville..." Mac said with a yawn, as he stepped to the door as well.

"I was going to check one of Canterlot's book stores to see if they have anything interesting before I visit the royal archives, Flash if your not doing anything do you want to come?" Twilight asked kindly. The speed at which he replied with a "YES!" was very disturbing, we all raised our brows suspiciously, but Twilight didn't seem to notice...

With that we all walked out of the room, exited the hospital, waved and proceeded our separate ways. Now that it was just me and Celestia I turned to her. "So... What now?" I asked as I stretched.

"Well... I always keep my word... So I'm taking you on a tour and treating you the lunch I promised..." Celestia said simply, ugh that doesn't sound right coming from a girl... I need a job ASAP. My stomach cried out to me again and I cringed.

"Uh... Is it OK if we skip the tour and go straight to lunch? I'm kinda starving..." I said nervously. Celestia sighed in relief, "I was hoping you'd say that... I don't recall eating breakfast...", well I guess that saves time, I didn't eat breakfast either and I must have thrown up anything that was left over from yesterday.

" Alright where are we eating? " I asked, I didn't know what pony food was like besides all the sweets I had yesterday, so this should be interesting.

"Well I had a few places in mind, we could go back to the castle and have the royal chef make us something..." She said. I just nodded, I'm assuming that Celestia has a good cook so that could be an option, but I feel like we should eat out instead because we all might end up having dinner together later anyways. I shrugged and said "Nah..." As a cue for Celestia to continue, she seemed to agree with me on eating out at least. "There are also several Restaurants in canterlot that we can go too..." She said, OK that's a good option, there's probably plenty of variety. "Lastly there are also several picnic spots that I like to go too sometimes...", Yeah fuck that... That's way too personal for me... It would be way too awkward... Especially since I'm a stallion now and we'd be alone...

" Alright... What kind of restaurants? " I asked with a raised brow, Celestia seemed slightly disappointed I didn't go with the picnic idea. " Well... there are a few nice restaurants close by, the prancing pony is just over there, shall we go?" She asked as she pointed to a place a few blocks away. "Sure whatever..." I responded. "Splendid! I'm absolutely famished!" she said as she walked towards the place at a brisk pace. "Wait up!" I yelled after her as I tried to gallop next to her.

>>>

OK... So The Princess is going to a resteruant with that stallion... Who is that guy anyway? And where is that human at? Hmm... maybe the human stayed behind somewhere? Well whatever it is, it can wait a few minutes. I have another group to check on...

"Hey! What are you doing on my roof?" A random citizen yelled from the ground. I jumped down from the low overhang and landed next to him. "No need to worry Citizen, Royal Guard business..." I said to dismiss him. "What? Your not a guard! Where's your fancy armor then?" The stallion questioned suspiciously, sigh... "It is not required for this assignment, I'll be leaving now..." I said quickly as I ran in the direction that Twilight and Flash went. The stallion tried to say something else but I was already gone.

Now I remember Twilight saying something about visiting the book store... That's about a block away from here. So I jogged up to a place that had a large sign with a book and the name "Sweet Reads", I looked in the window and sure enough, I saw Twilight and Flash inside browsing the various shelves. Twilight was zipping around excitedly while Flash awkwardly followed behind carrying a huge stack of books on his back, heh.... Poor guy... Never go with Twilight to a book store.

I took a deep breath and walked in, I was going to have to make this quick because I still need to watch out for that human. " SENTRY!!! " I yelled as I walked up to them, I startled him and he ended up dropping all the books clumsy, sigh... Typical Flash. he quickly snapped to attention and saluted. "Captain armor uh... sir! I wasn't expecting you..." Flash said as he shook nervously. Twilight's ear twitched when she heard my name and she turned around, when she saw me her face brightened up. "Shiny?" She said as a smile grew on her face. "Hey Twily!" I said with a smile and she ran up to me cheerfully. We Nuzzled and I cleared my throat to talk to flash.

"Sentry I have an assignment for you..." I said, hiding my mischievous grin behind a hoof. "Sir?" "There are some papers on my desk that need filing and you're the pony who's going to do them!" I ordered. Twilight's smile faded slightly, and Flash looked downcast for a moment before straightening up a again. "Yes sir I'll get on it right away!" He said with that Royal Guard nobility. He trotted to the door and opened it, he turned back to Twilight before he left. "I guess I'll see you later Twilight?" He asked hopefully, making me frown. Twilight just gave him a warm smile and nodded. Flash smirked and gave a quick salute before leaving and taking off Towards the castle. Twilight caught me frowning and she narrowed her eyes.

"You could have had ANYPONY do those papers for you..." She said pointing an accusing hoof at me. I smiled nervously and rubbed the back of my neck. "Well I...uh....I'm.." I stammered. " An over protective brother?" She said with a deadpan expression. "I haven't seen you in months and now you show up randomly as captain of the Royal Guard and chase my friend away?" She said, taking an angry step toward me, uh oh... "I've had my hoofs full...and I was just trying to protect you!" I said nervously in my defense. Twilight just snorted angrily and tried to change the subject.

"So what brought you here besides chasing stallions away?" She asked in an attempt to relieve the tension. I probably shouldn't tell her this... But... "Oh I was just looking for that human, I got word that he was with Princess Celestia but nobody was with her except for this random Pegasus..." I said with a shrug, Twilight's eyes seemed to widen slightly and she smiled nervously. I narrowed my eyes, I know somethings up...

"Do you know where the human is?" I asked, Twilight shook her head vigorously. I gave her a stern look. "Don't lie to me Twily..." She held her nervous smile for a few moments before she sighed and lowered her head in defeat. "OK... I'll tell you what's going on... Promise not to tell anypony?" She pleaded. "You have my word!" I said as I gave a reassuring nod. She looked around to make sure nopony was near and she started whispering in my ear.

...

I left the library feeling somewhat confused, it took me a while to believe her about the chaos magic thing, but based on what Twilight told me I now had to look for somepony else entirely, well... Sort of... I already saw the guy! I was now looking for a Pegasus named "Drift Jolt" and he was having lunch with the Princess of the sun.

>>>

We were seated quite quickly in what I assumed was a slightly upscale restaurant, all the waiters in this place were nervous and twitchy but not because of me but because of Princess Celestia. When we initially walked in it was like the whole place froze, because all the ponies bowed immediately when they saw us enter, thankfully I was a pony so I didn't get any second glances, so far...

They seated us at this table in the center of the restaurant, probably a VIP table of some sorts. Thankfully it was far enough so that none of the ponies could hear what we're saying. After we sat I looked around at the other tables, there were a lot of mares wearing fancy clothing, some of them accompanied by stallions wearing Tuxedos. Luckily they were all mostly staring in awe at The Princess at the moment instead of looking at me. I looked back to Celestia and she was staring at me, I guess she was waiting for me to say something.

"Is it like this every time you come here?" I asked with a whisper. "Not really, I haven't actually been to this particular establishment before... But Ponies in canterlot are more used to seeing me around. They're behavior might be because you're here..." Celestia said sheepishly. "Me? I'm just a regular guy..." I said in disbelief as I looked back to the surrounding tables. They were now over the initial shock of the Princess being here and now they were all staring at ME! Right... They're wondering "Why is that guy having lunch with the Princess?". I tried to ignore them and I started with simple small talk while we waited for a waiter who was brave enough to serve us.

"So...uh.... Tell me about yourself Princess... " I said nervously as I tried to focus on her instead of the surrounding ponies. "Well I'm not that interesting..." She said with a giggle, oh don't be fucking modest! you can control the sun for fuck's sake!

"Well as you know I am the Co ruler of equestria, and one of my duties is to Raise the sun..." She said. I was trying my best to listen but it was hard when all the dudes were glaring daggers at you because you're eating lunch with what I assume was one of the hottest mares in Equestria. Some of the mares looked jealous too, I guess my pony form is just as attractive as my human form if not more, because they glared at Celestia angrily. The Princess didn't seem to notice as she was too busy talking. She was talking about some of her achievements. Saying they were impressive would be an understatement she talked about how she defeated an entire invading army by herself, and how she dethroned and imprisoned the sprit of disharmony (with Luna's help) and how she virtually wiped out crime across Equestria, so yeah pretty major shit.

"Oh but that was Hundreds of years ago..." She said dismissing her crazy feats like they were nothing. "WHAT?" I yelled, all the ponies around us just gave me a strange look but I didn't care at the moment. "Did you say...Hundreds of years ago?" I said with narrowed eyes. "Yes, and my sister and I defeated Discord some 2000 years ago..." She said with a grin. I wrinkled my nose....err.... muzzle a few times before I promptly slammed my forhead onto the table.

"Ar....are you OK?" Celestia asked sheepishly. "Yeah... just give me a minute...." I said, my head still slammed against the table. Celestia just giggled at my reaction. It all fucking makes sense now, her ponies worship her like a fucking god because she basically is one! That explains why she's been alive that long without looking like granny smith or becoming a pile of dust, she looks like a super model still, probably because of the Alicorn thing, I don't dare ask her her exact age or I'll probably go insane. I heard someone walking up to us and I raised my head to see one of the waiter ponies. She was a mare with fancy curly hair and she looked nervous.

"Uh....good evening Princess... And er.....guest... I'll give you a few minutes with our menus..." The pony stammered as she plopped the "prancing pony" menu on the table and she retreated toward the kitchen area. "Hey! you only left us one menu....ugh.... Nevermind..." I said as I slammed my head down again, good thing I'm not a unicorn or I would be poking holes in the table. "Quite the selection here..." Celestia said as she giggled at my expense. "Do you want anything in particular?" She asked as she studied the menu.

"Is there any beef?" I blurted and I quickly covered my mouth, way to go DJ... Celestia gave me this odd sideways glance that shifted to deadpan. "No....they don't have....beef...." She said plainly as she shook her head. "Yeah...uh humans eat..." I tried to explain but she interrupted. "I am well aware that you are an omnivore..." She said with a weak smile. "Wait how did you know?" I asked curiously, I don't remember telling anybody that. "Well it was quite obvious when I noticed you had canines aswell as flat teeth in the back..." Celestia explained with a bored expression, there must be other meat eaters in equestria because she doesn't seem that bothered by it.

"Oh...well what are you getting?" I asked with a sigh, the looks of lust are getting on my nerves, I could feel all the peeks that the ponies were taking, if I looked at them they pretended they weren't staring at me, I guess they think they're slick. The worst part was the Princess didn't seem to notice... Or maybe she didn't care. "Well I'm getting a Hay sandwich with Hay fries and some Cake, nothing fancy..." Celestia shrugged. "Oh as well as some Tea!" She added with a giggle, ugh fuck... Not her too!

"I straightened up in my chair and stared at Celestia, she looked puzzled. " Is something wrong? " she asked innocently. Yes there is something fucking wrong, how the fuck am I supposed to eat hay?!? "Humans don't eat Hay. They can't digest it..." I explained. "Hmm...that may be true but you're not a human at the moment..." Celestia said with a deadpan expression. "Right forgot about that...but..."

"But?"

"Maybe I can eat hay now but what happens if I turn back into a human? The hay would probably screw up my stomach then?" I question.

"Well I'm pretty sure by the time your transformation expires, the food would have already been digested so there is no need to worry..." She stated firmly.

"Oh...forgot it... I'll have the same thing you're having..." I said with a sigh, Celestia smiled smugly and placed the menu down.

"Oh yeah but I'll have coffee or something not tea" I said with distaste. Celestia looked at me like I was insane. "You're not getting tea?" She asked in confusion. "Hell no I'm not getting tea! I hate that stuff!" I said with a disgust. "You don't like TEA? Everypony likes TEA!" The Princess said, her voice loud so everyone looked, like I committed a sin or something. "Oh my god Twilight said the same thing!" I said as I slammed my forhead on the table again. Celestia looked at me differently now.

"Hey in case you forgot I've only been a pony for less than an hour... MOST Tea just makes me sick to my stomach..." I said truthfully. "True...ah well at least you like some teas..." She said with relief. "What kind doesn't make you sick?" She asked. "Well its mostly those herbal teas I hate, I'm all for those sweet fruity ones!" I said with a smile. "But I'm still more of a coffee guy" I reminded. Celestia seemed to shudder when I said that. "I'm not very fond of coffee to be honest, Twilight sparkle often uses it to stay up when she studies all night, it's a bad habit of hers..." Celestia admitted with a giggle.

"Why am I not surprised... Looks like Twilight will be up by herself mostly because I'm not planning to go on a study binge at 3 AM in the damn morning..." I said with a chuckle, I heard Celestia's musical laughter as she nodded in agreement. I saw that pony waiter from earlier finally decided to emerge from the kitchen to take our fucking order. She nervously trotted back to us with a notepad.

"What will you and your.....guest be having your Highness?" She asked, wobbling. While the Princess told the waiter mare our order, I turned around. There that guy was AGAIN! This whole time there's been this white unicorn with blue hair that's been hiding behind a newspaper and scowling at me a few tables away, what's this guys deal? OK I'm tired of this shit!

When the waiter hobbled off again I quickly turned back to Celestia and whispered. "Hey do you still want to do that picnic thing?" I asked nervously. The Princess seemed to visably brighten up a shade. "Yes that would be nice... Why do you ask?" She said with a raised brow. "Well I kinda changed my mind... The atmosphere here is too...hostile for me..." I said, tapping my hoofs together nervously. Celestia finally looked around and she caught some of the jealous glimpses. She bit her lip and turned back to me.

"I see...we can have the food to go and have our lunch privately..." She said as she saw my discomfort. "Just you and me?" I ask, now more comfortable with the idea. "Just you and I..." Celestia repeated reassuringly.

" OK cool let's ditch this circle jerk! " I said standing out of the chair quickly.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing..." I said as we waited for the waiter to come back so we could pay and leave.




















> Act 2 part 2: A few new Muzzles
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 2 part 2: A few new Muzzles

I watched them Take the food and rush out of the restaurant, everypony mumbled amongst themselves as they left, probably gossiping and what not. The only reason Princess Celestia didn't spot me was because I lowered my magic level below detection, otherwise she would have known I was here immediately. The human saw through my clever act of spying, and he's taking the Princess somewhere Alone... who does he think he is? I'm glad Princess Luna gave me this mission, I personally get to capture the human the very moment he tries something funny. Ohhhhhh boy! I'm looking forward to this!

I better follow them and find out where they're going next, I couldn't hear exactly what they were saying. But from what I can tell, this human was trying to sweet talk the Princess, because she was giggling the entire time. He was also slamming his head against the table a few times, yeah... Not sure what THAT was about, I guess the Princess told him something pretty extraordinary for him to do that.

All I know is whatever this human is planning, I'll be there to stop it!

...

"Where are we headed Princess Celestia?" I asked as we left that god forsaken restaurant. The Princess held her hoof up "One moment please... " she said as she  concentrated on the boxes that contained our lunch. She closed her eyes for a brief second and they disappeared in a flash of light.

I deadpanned and stared at her "Um... Why did you teleport our food?"

"I didn't teleport it, I simply broke down the food's molecular structure for easy storage and transport..." Celestia explained. "Where does it all actually go? You know what fuck it, I'll go insane trying to figure magic out..." I said as I waved it off angrily. Celestia giggled at my frustration as she began to walk and I followed.

"As I was saying... where are we going?" I asked again, "Well... I have one particular spot in mind..." Celestia said with a smile. I just shrugged and followed her. We didn't say much for a while as we passed the front gate to Canterlot again and walked onto one of the hills outside the city. I recognized the spot and I deadpanned and stopped walking, the Princess turned to me curiously.

"We were just here Princess..." I said flatly, she giggled and shook her head. "This isn't the spot Derrick, the spot is up there!" She said as she pointed to a nearby mountain top, where there was a cloud floating close enough to touch. I looked from her to the spot and back a few times, with confusion.

" How the fuck are we supposed to Get up there?" I finally asked. Celestia just smiled at me and said nothing. Suddenly her wings spread open, oh right... She has those.... Then she gestured to me, oh right I have those too...

My wings twitched slightly as I tried opening them, they barely budged. My wings felt really tingly and strange, because I've never used them before I guess. "This is great and all, but I don't know how to fly..." I said as I sat down. "And that is why I must teach you! You won't be a convincing Pegasus if you can't fly!" Celestia said with a giggle as she walked over to me and inspected my wings. 

"Oh..." She said as she looked at them in awe. I quickly turned to her. "What? Is something wrong?" I ask as I glared at my wings nervously. The Princess giggled behind her hoof "Oh no.... It's just your wings are... Quite muscular..." She complimented, it made me feel a bit uneasy for some reason.

"With proper training you could become quite an impressive flyer with a set of wings like this!" She said reassuringly. After a few awkward moments of her staring at my "muscular" wings, she seemed like she was stuck in a trance, I cleared my throat and she quickly snapped out of it and smiled nervously, I just rolled my eyes, stop fucking with me Celestia...

"I'm only going to teach you the basics for now. While you're in ponyville, Twilight's friend Rainbow Dash could perhaps teach you more advanced techniques." She said as she inspected my wings closely. "Alright let's get on with it then..." I muttered.

"Now, you will need to position your wings flat, to insure a good take off..." She said as she angled her wings parallel to the ground "like this" she said. I struggled with the fine muscle control, I just couldn't get them the way I wanted. "Here I will assist you..." She said in that kind motherly tone of hers. She reached her hoofs out gently and positioned my wings for me, her hoofs were kind of hot to the touch despite those cold gold slippers she had on. After she positioned them, she took a step back.

"Now I want you to flap your wings once... GENTLY" She instructed. " Alright... I got this..." I said confidentiality as I slowly raised my wings. "Gently..." I said. "Yes just flap your wings..."

*FOOSH*

I ended up 20 feet in the air where I immediately panicked and ended up slamming into the ground face first.

"...gently..." Celestia finished, her ears drooped and she had an unexpecting expression. "I'm....OK...." I grunted as I stood up and rubbed my head. 

"You didn't do it gently...." Celestia stated innocently.

"Yeah no shit..." I grumbled in frustration, Celestia just snickerd behind her hoof as I angrily dusted myself off. "Just try again...but be gent..." "I know!" I interrupted as I put my wings in the ready position. Celestia lightly flapped her wings to demonstrate, she gracefully floated in the air about a foot off the ground, a moment later she landed. "See? it's quite simple really! You just have to be gent..." "Stop saying that!" I snapped, only making Celestia smile smugly.

I tried to flap my wings again and I ended up only 10 feet off the ground this time, I staggered as I landed but at least I was on my feet...er hoofs this time. 

Celestia nodded in approval "Splendid! Now onto the next technique!" She said cheerfully. She proceeded to show me how to hover, glide and eventually after a few falls it was time to fly.

"Ok when you're ready..." Celestia said with a nod. I took a deep breath and we took off into the air, flying wasn't too hard now, it's just you had to angle your wings depending on the flow of the air so you don't go out of control. I was still a beginner though so Celestia flew at my pace next me. "When you feel confident enough, you can try going faster..." Celestia said with a reassuring smile. I decided it was time to take the training wheels off.

With a confident smile I surged forward really fast, leaving the Princess behind in confusion. Eventually I soared straight up into the air, somehow tackling a cloud out of existence. "Woohoo!" I shouted as I did a few loops in the air. In case you haven't noticed, I was enjoying myself alot... Until I looked down of course, and remembered my fear of heights. I started to panic, hyperventilating and my wings started to lock up on me, and as if this situation couldn't get worse the pony spell decided to expire at THAT exact moment!

I hung in the air for a Moment, probably because physics here are lazy, before I started to  fall to my death. "FUUUUUUU...." I yelled as I fell. I suddenly stopped in midair, there was that familiar Golden glow as I was suspended a few hundred feet above the ground. Suddenly Celestia appears floating down leasuirly on a cloud.

"Hmm....I trust you enjoyed yourself before...falling?" She asked sheepishly. All I could say was "PUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWN!" So she hopped off the cloud and we gently floated down to the ground.

Celestia looked both concerned and amused at the same time. "Gosh... That's quite the fear of heights..." She said as she watched me hyperventilate and shake uncontrollably. After a minute of that I was able to speak "Thanks...your... A...lifesaver! " I said with a weak smile. Celestia beamed happily (I swear she actually got brighter....literally...) "Your welcome Derrick! I would never let ANYTHING happen to you..." She said in a motherly tone, which calmed me down even more, i was stuck between feeling safe, and fearing her immense magical power.

"Hey wait a second... How did you catch up with me anyway? I left you in the dust!" I asked suspiciously. Celestia started to snicker behind her hoof "That's what you think... I was only a few feet behind you the entire time!" she said with a grin, "Huh....guess I was in the zone..." I said, I'm a bit disappointed because I thought I was actually going fast... Or maybe I was, and Celestia is just fast too so it doesn't seem like I'm fast and... Never mind.

She then got a perplexed expression, "Derrick I must know... Why would you choose to be a Pegasus when you have such an intense fear of heights?" she asked. I stood up and stretched, "Well... despite my Extreme fear of heights, I've always thought that it would be cool to have the ability to fly. so I saw this as my chance to conquer my fear of height's I guess..." I explained with a shrug. "Well it seems that only worked partially... And you transformed back so soon... Perhaps the transformation expires early when you are stressed?" She said with a smirk. "Or maybe it doesn't even run on a timer..." I said with realization, if that was the case, then I would have turned back when Celestia was chasing me, because I was definitely stressed during that crap.

Celestia thought for a moment before nodding in agreement. Well I'm human again, and boy did I miss those thumbs! I was about to talk when I Froze. I remembered something, something REALLY important! When I transformed back into a human all my stuff came back with me, which means I was hundreds of feet in the air and I probably dropped something. Most of it I didn't care to much for but the main thing I was concerned about was my PHONE. I had important stuff on it, and it's the only electronic entertainment I have, and unless I can summon phones at will, I won't be getting another if something happens to it.

So I quickly checked my pocket and felt around desperately for it. I sighed in relief when I found it in my pocket completely intact. Unfortunately I forgot who I was standing with, because I looked up to see a very intrigued Celestia.

"What's that?" She asked, gesturing to my phone. I smiled nervously and stuffed it back in my pockets, "Uh it's nothing..." I assured. Celestia stepped closer to me and narrowed her eyes, yeah she doesn't believe that shit...

"Oh I highly doubt that, because you seemed quite concerned that you misplaced it..." She said suspiciously. I kinda just looked back to her before sighing in defeat and folding my arms In front of me. "It's...complicated... " I said as I looked away nervously all she did was raise her brow slightly and wait for an answer.

"Alright...it's called a Cellphone..." I said as I pulled it back out to show her and she leaned closer. "This is a multipurpose human communication device..." I explained. She tilted her head slightly, "How many purposes exactly?" She wondered. "I don't know hundreds, maybe thousands..." I said with a shrug, thinking of all the little things Smartphones can do. Celestia nodded, "Impressive! How exactly does one communicate with this...device?" She asked.

"Well there are Two main ways, calling and texting..." I explained. "What is....calling?" She asked curiously. "Well picture how me and you are talking to each other right now, you can basically do that with a phone but at longer distances..." I said. Celestia thought for a moment, "So essentially, we can hear each other's voices and talk with device?" She asked for conformation. "Yep!" I said with a grin "Fascinating!" She said as she stared at my phone in awe. "So what is...texting?" She asked.

"It's basically like how you and Twilight send letters to each other, except the messages just pop up on the screen and no paper is used..." I explained as I tapped my phone. "Wow... This sounds extremely convenient!" She said with fascination, "What else can it do?" She asked. "Well you can play music, watch movies, read books, browse the internet, take pictures and videos, keep time, and calculate things to name a few.." I muttered casually. Celestia seemed to understand...partially. "It can really do all that and more? And what is the Internet? How does it store music without records? How can it..." She started but I interrupted, explaining all that shit would take forever. "Listen Princess... I know you're curious and all, but I wasn't lying when I said it was COMPLICATED. I could be here explaining what the internet is for DAYS. Not to mention there's a lot I don't know about it, I just know how to use it..." I said with an annoyed sigh. The Princess looked slightly downcast at that but she nodded. "I could probably show you some of the stuff it can do while we eat or something..." I said with a shrug, that seemed to cheer her up a bit, I guess we could watch a movie or something, I could spare some battery life I guess...

"The Picnic spot I had in mind was on top of that cloud." She said as she pointed to the cloud that was floating near a mountain cliff from earlier. "Alright I'll try and transform again." I said as I focused on my pony self again. I suddenly stopped in the middle of it when I thought of something. We said earlier that this might not be timed. So I started to do a bunch of quick transformations to see if I could switch back and forth at will. "What are you doing?" Celestia asked, looking puzzled as I transformed back and forth. "Trying to see if I can turn this on and off at will instead of being on a timer.." I explained.

After a few minutes of trying I finally got it to the point where I could pretty much transform back and fourth at will, from what I can tell at least. "Most impressive Derrick! Now your assignment in ponyville will be easier... " Celestia said. "I know right? I want to try something else too..." I said as I turned back into a human again. "What are you going to...oh..." Celestia said as she observed.

Basically I turned my Pegasus self into an Earth pony. I was a little more built and slightly taller in this form, I had nothing on Mac though. "What do you think? I feel a little tougher like this!" I said with a smirk as she nodded slowly, "Very nice!" The Princess said with a nod of approval. I tried doing another transformation. with a flash of light I transformed into a Unicorn version of myself. This form was slimmer than my Pegasus and Earth pony forms."Well that works too... My magic feels stronger now..." I said as I levitated a nearby bolder with ease. "Perhaps changing form aguments your ability?" Celestia hypothesized. "Yeah that could come in handy, maybe if I pretend to be multiple people I can get a larger variety of jobs as all 3 pony races. I just have to come up with names for my forms...

"Hmm...thats all of them right?" I muttered as I returned to my human form. I looked back at Celestia and an idea popped into my head, I started to smirk mischievously. "Well... there's ONE more transformation I haven't tried yet..." I said slowly as I grinned at Celestia, she raised her eyebrow then started to laugh. "Oh don't be silly Derrick... you can't transform into an ALICORN!" She said in disbelief. I stared her right in the eye and she stopped laughing slowly. "Wanna bet?" I said with a sly smile, Celestia returned the sly smile and stared back at me, "50 bits" she said as she narrowed her eyes. I scoffed, I didn't know the value of they're money but I think that meal cost somewhere between 10 and 20. "Oh come on... the glorious co-ruler of Equestria can do better then that!" I teased. Celestia's eye twitched and she kept her confident smile.

"100"

"Heh... You don't sound very confident Princess..." I teased again.

"150" she said with a frown...

"300" I said with a yawn.

"250 take it or leave it!" She said sternly.

"Deal!" I said with a cocky grin, it seems Celestia can't resist a bet, unfortunately if I lose I'm going to have to get a job sooner than I expected.

"Welp prepare to lose your damn money!" I said confidently, Celestia just scoffed and rolled her eyes, as I rubbed my hands together. I concentrated and started to glow blindingly. Some seconds went by and I began to feel drained, apprantly this transformation took more effort than the others. Eventually a pulse of magic bursted out and I was covered in blinding light. Celestia had to shield her eyes, " I told you that you couldn't..." Celestia paused when the light faded.

"Wow Celestia you got a lot shorter!" I muttered sarcastically as I looked down on her from my new height. I was now a few inches taller than her, giving her a victories smirk. She looked up at me nervously, she was flushed and her ears were drooped. I guess she's never had to look UP at anyone before, seeing her like this is priceless! "Well.... That's...an interesting transformation..." She said nervously. "Heh... Looks like you owe me 250 bucks... Er I mean bits!" I said with a mischievous grin. I tried taking a step forward but I was feeling woozy, so I stumbled. "Man... Transforming into this took a lot of effort..." I said in a daze as I fell over.

Luckily Celestia was there to keep me from falling over. "Thanks...Princess..." I said, feeling groggy as I leaned on her for support. When I looked down at her she was smiling nervously up at me and her wings were outstretched, uh... Last time she looked like this I was touching.... HER HORN! I quickly looked up and sure enough my exceptionally long horn was rubbing against hers. OK this feels REALLY weird... But... Strangely... comforting at the same time... Uh... I should probably move my head...

"HEY!" Someone yelled nearby, wait... Someone else is here! I quickly transformed back into what I considered my base pony form (Pegasus), hopefully they didn't see me as an Alico... "It's too late! I already saw your chaotic magic in action... HUMAN!" The voice said. Well I guess the cat is out of the bag then.... I turned back into my human form with a sigh and turned to face the voice.

"Hey you're that jackass who's been following us around!" I yelled as I saw that white Unicorn with the blue hair from earlier. He seemed quite angry with me. Especially after that comment. " What have you done to the Princess?!? " the Unicorn yelled as he trotted up to us. "The hell are you talking abo..." I looked over to her and she was COMPLETELY out of it, she looked like she was hypnotized!

"Uh....it was an accident!" I said quickly. The unicorn just stepped closer, glaring daggers at me. "I should have known you would try something! Princess Luna was right!" He muttered. What! LUNA sent this motherfucker after us??? Ugh....I swear... I'm going to get her for this... "OK I don't Care who sent you... Just screw off!" I muttered with a wave of my hand as I turned back to Celestia. I snapped my fingers in her face to try and wake her from her trance. "Surrender immediately human!" The Unicorn yelled at me," Yeah what ever dude... " I said as I continued to try and snap Celestia out of her trance, touching horns is some serious shit. "Hey! I'm warning you... I won't be ignored!" The guy yelled as he stepped closer. "Cool story bro..." I said as I tried poking Celestia to get her to move. "Stop ignoring me!!!" He yelled. I fake sneezed and turned to him," I'm sorry but I'm allergic to your bullshit, so can you kindly fuck off?" I said, turning back.

The guy looked like he was about to explode, "That's....bucking...it..." He muttured as he powered up his magic. Hmm if Luna sent this guy he must be SOMEWHAT important, I should probably pay more attention to what he....too late. I was caught in A pink bubble of magic and suspended in the air, *sigh*... I really hate magic right now...

"What is the meaning of this!" Celestia suddenly yelled, oh good she's back! The pony suddenly straightened up, "I'm uh...capturing this human?" The guy said carefully. Celestia brought her hoof to her face. "And what may I ask possessed you do do that?". "This human has strange manipulative Powers! He had you completly hypnotized! I HAD to stop him!" The guy said in his defense.

Celestia looked at him with disbelief, " Oh don't be silly...I highly doubt that I was..." "...er...he's actually right Princess... you went totally blank after I turned into an Alicorn..." I interrupted with a nervous smile. "But....but..." The Princess stammered before snorting in angrily. She then glared at me, " This wouldn't have occurred if SOMEPONY watched were he put his horn..." Celestia accused. "Well excuuuuse me Princess! I'm not used to having a 1 and a half foot magical bone coming out of my fucking forehead!" I snapped. She was about to respond but she just gave up and turned back to the other pony.

"OK I can see your reasoning, but I'm sure somepony must have sent you after us..." She said, glaring at him suspiciously. The guy Seemed to shrink slightly, he hesitated as he tapped his front hoofs together nervously. "Uh...classified?" The guy said. I should probably tell her that Luna sent him but I want to see this. The Princess took offense to that as she got in the guy's face. "Classified? CLASSIFIED??? Don't tell me about classified! I am the co-ruler of Equestria, I know everything that transpires in the country, do not withhold information from me Shining Armor..." She said sternly, wait THAT'S Shining Armor? Honestly I literally expected him to be wearing shining armor... Heh

"Sorry Princess it won't happen again..." Shining said with a salute as a drop of sweat ran down his forehead. "Splendid! Now tell me... Who sent you?" She asked. Shining's ears drooped and he looked away "Princess Luna sent me..." He finally admitted. Celestia backed off and her eyes softened. she huffed in annoyance " I should have known... I'm going to have a long CHAT with my sister later tonight.. " she muttered. OK I'm officially done floating in this fucking bubble.

"OK so now that we know why you're here, could you kindly, oh I don't know... LET ME GO!" I yelled in frustration. Shining cringed "Jeez... This guy has a temper..." He muttered to himself as he released me, only for me to land flat on my damn face.

" Hey! You didn't have to drop me like that you dipshit!" I yelled as I got in his face.

"Well you didn't have to touch the Princess like that!" He shot back.

"I told you it was an Accident!" I yelled in annoyance.

"It didn't look like one to me! You enjoyed every second of it!" He said pointing at me accusingly. He's kinda right, I DID enjoy every second of it, I can't describe how amazing it feels to touch horns, but regardless it's still just an accident, I'm not into Celestia like that.

"For the record the Princess enjoyed every second of it too..." I said with a smirk, I could hear the Princess facehoofing in the background.

"That doesn't matter! Princess Luna sent me here to make sure nothing like this happened!" He said with a roll of his eyes.

"Yeah you did I Fine job there Shiny..." I mocked.

"That's CAPTAIN Armor to you human!" He said sternly as he poked me in the stomach, you crossed a line motherfucker...

"Touch me again and I'll rip your horn off and shove it through your skull" I said sternly, then this bitch looked at me in disbelief and he pushed me. "OK Captain Jackass you asked for it!" I yelled as I quickly put him in a Tight headlock and pinned him to the ground. He tried to tilt his head and fire lasers at me but I made sure his horn wasn't facing me, so they just scorched the ground uselessly. Not going to lie, this pony is strong! I just barley managed to hold him down, worst of all he might be holding back, that didn't stop my mouth from moving though "Heh I didn't think the Captain of the Royal guard would be such a PUSSY!" I taunted. That must have crossed one of his lines, because Shining responded by teleporting behind me. "I'm going to hurt you now..." He said coldly as he turned and bucked me in the back full force.

OK so remind me to never let a pony buck me again, because i think my spine might be broken. I went flying into a nearby hill. Inside the impact crator I planned my next move. Let's see... If I get up he's just going to blast me with lasers... But wait.. I can fucking fly! I immediately turned into my Pegasus form and rushed through the smoke from my impact. Apprantly Shining wasn't ready for me to come from the air because I completely blindsided him. Unfortunately for me, he was in fact, NOT a pussy, so I ended up not doing much damage. He simply turned and blasted me with lasers, and let me tell you... Those things sting like a bitch!

After that I went flying into another hill, when I got up I decided to try some ranged attacks, so i turned into a unicorn and started charging up a laser, if I wasn't I pony right now I would totally be yelling "Kamehameha!" While I fired. I didn't exactly know how powerful the attack was going to be, but I didn't want to end up killing the guy, even though he's a prick...

I released the laser attack, it was a slow moving thick beam of gold. Shining didn't seem to care about it because he just stood in it's path. Right when it was a foot away from him, his magic suddenly flared and he quickly brought up a pink shield and the laser bounced off harmlessly into the air. Shining just sat there with a confident grin, while I stared at him and deadpanned.

" Wanna try that again? " he teased.

"Shut up captain cockshiner!" I shouted as I charged another attack.

*ZAP*

*Bounce*

*ZAP*

*Bounce*

*ZAP*

*Bounce*

...

"You're a bitch..." I muttered after giving up on lasers and turning back into a Pegasus. Shining said nothing and just made a gesture that ment "Come at me bro!". Shining and I charged at each other. I took a quick glance at Celestia while I charged.

I'm surprised she is even letting this crap happen... What the hell is she even doing? Is she... Writing a letter? What the hell! She sent the letter off and a few mere moments later a response came in. Then suddenly a Pink pony Fucking materialized out of nowhere in between Shining and I, no it wasn't pinkie pie but I wouldn't be surprised if she could do that without magic. And of course we both ran into her because ponies apprantly can't brake for shit. Oddly though, we didn't completely squash the girl, and by that I mean Shining and I got knocked flat on our asses. Who is this bitch anyway???

"Thank you for coming on such short notice... Princess Cadance!" Celestia said happily. So apprantly this is the third Alicorn Princess.... I think Celestia mentioned her but I was half drunk so I don't remember. Cadance looked at Shining with disappointment, he smiled nervously and tapped his forehoofs together. "Hey...there..honey....I wasn't expecting you to be back so...Early..." He said as his eyes darted around nervously, ha guess he's in trouble with his significant other, heh poor bastard. I'm not going to let this stop me though, even if I have to embarrass him in front of his girl.

"Outta my way pinky, there's a pussy behind you!" I muttered as I tried pushing past her, unfortunately she didn't budge, because fuck you I'm an Alicorn.

"What did you say?!? Oh I dare you to say that to my face!" Shining said angrily "Boys boys boys! please calm down..." The Cadance said, holding us back with her alicorn strength. When we didn't calm down she started to frown. "I said... CALM DOWN!" She repeated, but this time I saw her horn flash blue, and a second later I suddenly didn't feel like fighting anymore. The same thing seemed to be happening to Shining because the hatred in his face disappeared... Well mostly. "Now that you two are calm, why are you even fighting?" She asked. That was our cue to start yelling at each other incoherently again. About 2 seconds passed before Candace used the calming spell on us again.

"Well it seems you two simply got off on the wrong hoof... Why don't you start over by reintroducing yourselves..." She suggested. "Why? No offense, but I doubt I'll be seeing you two after this encounter..." I stated dryly. Candace shook her head and giggled, "Well Princess Celestia tells me that you will be studying the magic of friendship under her, correct?" She asked. How the hell did she know that? Celestia writes fast as hell I guess. I deadpanned and grumbled to myself, "Yes...don't remind me..." I muttered, Shining snickerd at my misfortune. "And correct me if I'm wrong, but will you not be studying alongside Twilight sparkle?" She said. "Yes..." I muttered again with disdain. "WHAT!!!" Shining blurted in outrage making all of us jump slightly.

"What's wrong honey?" Candace asked. Shining's eye was twitching, he could barely speak. "Him....Twily...no..." He managed to say. "Jesus Christ what's the big deal?" I said in annoyance. Candace giggled "Well Shining here is Twilight's big brother!" She announced. I think my jaw hit the floor at that point because I couldn't speak. So they're related? That explains...not much

"I don't see the resemblance" I muttered with a shrug making Candace and Celestia laugh, Shining rolled his eyes. "let me guess... You two are related too?" I said, pointing at Candace and Celestia, they both beamed and nodded, "Makes sense, because running into you two felt the same... Like a fucking brick wall... " I said with a shudder. This time Shining laughed and the Two Alicorn's rolled their eyes. "I adopted Candace as my neice some time ago" Celestia said, well so far Celestia's only other relative was Luna.

"Anyways back to the main subject..." Shining said, as his laughter faded " you and my sister... " he said as he narrowed his eyes. I sighed in annoyance and turned back to my human form.

"Well in case you forgot Captain assclown, I'm actually a human! So there will be no romance between us if that's what you're asking..." I said firmly. "Dating ponies is something I don't plan to do..." I said with a shake of my head. Shining looked somewhat relieved with my statement, while Candace and Celestia looked somewhat disappointed. "Why not?" Candace wondered. I looked at her like she was crazy. "Why not??? I'm a human for fuck's sake! I can't date a pony!" I yelled. Candace titlted her head slightly, "I still don't see the big deal..." She said innocently. "It's weird! We don't even have talking ponies back were I come from!" I said. "Really? What other intelligent beings do you have?" She wondered. I scoffed, "there aren't any...most creatures are mindless and only act instinctively, none are as smart as you and I.." I said.

"So your society is entirely made out of humans, thus you are mentally conditioned to only having relationships with other humans."

"Yeah pretty much" I said with a shrug.

"Well here there are MANY intelligent creatures, so it's not strange to see a pony dating a Minotaur..." Cadance said, that explains all those seductive looks I get from ponies, if minotaurs look like what I think they do, then I must be a super model to them.

I sighed and brought my hand to my face, "Look bottom line... I'm not fucking any ponies...." I stated bluntly, prompting all of them to stare at me awkwardly. "You don't have to be... sexually active with your partner if that part bothers you so much..." Cadance said with a raised brow. "Can't you technically turn into a pony anyways?" Cadance asked. "Yeah I can turn into an Earthpony, Pegasus, Unicorn and an Alicorn... I don't really see your point..." I said with a shrug " You can really transform into an Alicorn? " Cadance wondered. I demonstrated by transforming again, it was still an exhausting thing to do the second time around. 

"See...I told...you...I could...." I said, feeling woozy as I sat down to avoid falling. Candace was completely shocked, Shining looked bored, and Celestia had that nervous look from earlier. Candace stared at me in awe, " Have you.... always been able to do that?" She wondered. "Nah...humans don't have magic..." I said with a shrug. "Then how did you..." She stopped when Shining whispered something into her ear, then understanding dawned on her face. She looked from me to Celestia and back, shining probably told her about the "accident" that gave me the powers.

She had a dumb smile on her face as I turned back into what I considered my base pony form, which was the Pegasus. Candace began to giggle as she looked from me to Celestia again. " What's so funny?" I asked with narrowed eyes "Oh nothing... I just realized something..." She said with a mischievous grin, whatever Cadance...

"Alright... My name is Derrick Young, but you can call me DJ, Drift Jolt as a Pegasus, Dauntless as an Earthpony and Dawning Jade as a Unicorn..." I said with a shrug. "Dawning Jade? Dauntless?" Celestia questioned. "It would make more sense for me to be one of your students, if I was a unicorn like Twilight..." I explained. I totally didn't pull words that started with D and J out of my ass or anything... I figured I should name my Earthpony form even though I may not use it. Shining cleared his throat and smiled confidently. "My name is Shining Armor, captain of the Royal Guard!" He yelled in a heroic voice.

"Geez....any louder and you'd beat Princess Luna in a shouting match!" I said angrily as I winced and covered my ears. Celestia laughed at the mention of her sister, while Candace deadpanned and glared at Shining. She then cleared her throat and was about to speak when I quickly interrupted "Please don't make my ears bleed.." I reminded, she gave me an annoyed glance and continued "I am Mi Amore Cadenza, or just Cadance for short, I am the Princess of love!" She stated, woah There... wait a second... Did she just....she did didn't she...

"So if Princess Celestia raises the Sun and Princess Luna raises the moon and stars, then you raise....Love? What the hell?" I said, scratching my head in confusion. She gave me a quick run down of what she does, and basically she can make peace between anyone, that's why Celestia called her over here I guess. Apprantly she can also tell if someone's in love or something and she can kind of make relationships happen and stuff. "If you shoot me with a heart shaped arrow I'll kick your ass..." I muttered, they all looked at me like I was crazy. "What? She's basically Cupid! You know... That little boy with wings who goes around shooting people in the ass with arrows, that make people fall in love!" I said. That didn't help the looks that they were giving me. "Forget what I said... Only a human would understand..." I said with a facepalm.

"Anyway... Shining and I are also engaged!" Candace announced cheerfully as they Nuzzled each other. "Yeah cool...whatever... " I said with a shrug, Celestia gave me a stern look and I smiled nervously "I mean....uh...congratulations! I'm so happy for you?" I said with a fake smile. It was then that I heard a stomach growl, surprisingly it wasn't mine. "Well my lunch break is overdue!" Shining said with a chuckle. "Oh shut up...all I ate was a fucking apple!" I muttered angrily. Making everyone laugh, fuck you guys!

"I mean I was SUPPOSED to have a nice chill lunch with Princess Celestia on top of a cloud, but captain America over here had to fuck it up..." I muttered with a sigh.

"What's America?"

"Don't fucking ask..."

"Hmmm....you two were having lunch? Interesting..." Cadaece muttered, I glared daggers at her and she smiled nervously. Celestia made the food pop up in front of me and I sighed. "This isn't going to be enough for me, I could eat an elephant right now..." I said sadly. Shining and Cadance looked at me like I was a savage, marking the 2nd or 3rd time I said something stupid in front of them. "Human's are omnivores, its just an expression, I won't eat your elephants, bla bla bla." I said quickly. Shining and Cadance sighed in relief.

"Well we could go back to the castle and have the Royal chef make us more food, I fear this is not enough for me as well..." Celestia said with a giggle. 

"Good! Shiny be a dear for me and take DJ here back to the castle, I have to discuss something with auntie..." Celestia and Shining gave her odd looks. Shining shrugged and and started walking away toward the castle, "let's go DJ!" He called out to me. I quickly transformed into a unicorn and used magic to pick up my food. I nodded to the Princesses and walked after him.

...

"So what did you want to talk about Cadance?"

"..."

"You like him don't you auntie?"

"Sigh"

...

I started to chow down on my lunch, and I have to say, these Hay based foods are pretty good, but probably only because I'm a pony right now. Nothing will really beat a Bacon burger, Fries and a nice milkshake in my book, unless I can magic up some food I'm not going to be having that anytime soon. We walked past the front entrance to Canterlot, I decided to start a conversation, because I should probably be on good terms with my study partner's big brother/Captain of the guard, that and I can shove it in Celestia's face, I CAN make nice with ponies!

"So... Captain Shining Armor..." I started. "You don't have to be so formal...." He said with an annoyed sigh. "Ok then shiny..." I said with a smug smile "No! Only my sister calls me that...and sometimes Cadance... Ugh! Nevermind just call me Shining..." He said. "OK then...Shining... What's Being Captain of the guard like? Any action?" I questioned. From what I could tell this place was pretty peaceful, but there had to be SOMETHING bad to report.

"Nope! That scrap we had earlier was the most action I've had in months, as the Captain I get to do paperwork..." Shining said with disappointment. "Heh... There's tons of crime on my world...." I said with a chuckle. 

"Really? What kind of crimes?"

"Eh...Robbery, Rape, murder, you know the usual..." I said with a shrug, I was pretty desensitized toward the stuff, because if you live in the US. All you hear on the news is death and tragedy, then there's always that one "good" event that happens that nobody gives any fucks about, like nobody gives a shit that some celebrity had a baby... Well at least I don't..

"That's the usual???" Shining said in shock.

"Yeah...humans aren't always that great with the whole.... peace thing..." I explained.

"I can't imagine stuff like that happening here at all!"

"Oh and don't get me started on WAR!" I said as I took a sip of my coffee, holy shit this Tastes awesome!

"Yeah...There hasen't been a war here for my entire career as a guard..." Shining muttered " in fact I don't remember if there's even been one in a few hundred years... " he added.

"Wait a sec... The Royal Guard here doubles as your military?" I said with suprise, I thought that Equestria would have some kind of military force that was separate from the guard that patrols canterlot, and stands around the princesses.

"Pretty much... There hasn't been a need for a separate military..." Shining stated simply.

"That's hard to believe... I guess Celestia really keeps ponies in check! I mean she's nice and everything, but it's hard not to fear someone who has the power to Move the sun..." I said with a shudder.

"Really? Nopony else can do it, but it's still just an everyday routine..." Shining said with a shrug.

"Yeah well I come from a place where there is no such thing as magic, and the shit Celestia and Luna do would be considered godlike..." I said with unease.

"OK...when you put it that way I can see how you could be afraid..." Shining said with a nod.

"I don't really Fear them necessarily, its just unsettling to think about sometimes.." I said as I shoved more fries in my mouth. "Yeah... but I can't really take Princess Luna seriously anymore..." I said with a chuckle.

"Really? Why not?" Shining asked with a chuckle.

"She almost had me executed for something I did while I was drunk, on my first day on a new world..." I grunted "Not to mention the fact that she sent YOU to spy on me..." I added.

Shining smiled nervously. I narrowed my eyes "not gonna lie... I was going to have you executed too..." He admitted. I just rolled my eyes and took the last bite of my sandwich. We were now at the castle's doors, the guards let us in without question when they saw Shining.

"I guess we can wait in the Royal dinning room.." Shining said with a shrug "Cadance didn't tell us where to wait..." Shining said with an annoyed sigh. We went through a few halls and then we ended up in this huge room that had this super long fancy table. "Damn this room is impressive!" I said with a whistle. He casually sat down In a random chair, I had my eyes set on some different chairs.

There were two big chairs at the end of the table, that looked way more comfortable than the regular chairs. so I just plopped down in one of them. "Uh.. I wouldn't do that if I were you.." Shining said. "Heh... Why not?" I said as I leaned back and relaxed. "That's Princess LUNA's chair..." He warned. "Pfff! Whatever...its just until the Princesses come back dude, chill.." I said with a chuckle. "Yeah... It's just she gets really upset when someone messes with her chair..." Shining said. "Dude she won't even notice! Besides she's probably snoozing right now anyway..." I said with a casual wave. Shining shrugged " Your funeral... " he muttered. I just scoffed and rolled my eyes, what the fuck would she do? Tell me to get up? Then again she almost executed me for an accident... Ah it should be fine, she's asleep.

"Oh yeah before I forget... About that fight we had..." Shining started. I took another sip of my coffee "I wont be apologizing because I regret nothing..." I muttered. Shining just paused and looked at me, a slight twitch in his eye. "No that's not what i... look I was just saying when you're not too busy, I could teach you some combat magic if you want.." He said. My ears twitched slightly and I sat up in my chair "You mean like that cheap ass shield you used?" I said with a smirk. Shining just laughed and smiled confidently "You're just mad because it worked!" He teased. I drank some more coffee and sighed "Don't other ponies know that spell?" I questioned.

Shining just laughed again "Yes that may be so, but nopony I know of can do defense spell's as well as me!" He gloated, OK so it seems unicorns specialize in certain magics, otherwise I'm pretty sure Celestia would just be the best at everything because she's OP as fuck.

"OK thanks.. I'll think about it..." I said with a shrug, I was still contemplating Flash's suggestion of joining the guard, only because I'm sure it would wip my pony forms into shape. I kinda just sat there savoring my last bits of coffee while we waited for these fucking Alicorns. I looked around in the room for something to do. This would be the time where I WIP out my phone and start playing Subway surfers or Clash of clans, too bad my base will be fucked forever since there's no internet. Before I could even think about anything, I felt a familiar MASSIVE magical power heading towards us, and it wasn't Celestia or Cadance, could it be Twili.....of course not.

Princess Luna walked into the room, which means either she woke up early or it's actually later in the day than I thought, either way I'm pretty sure it's all downhill from here. I ain't getting up though. Shining immediately stood up and bowed "Good afternoon Princess!" He greeted. The Princess nodded "Good afternoon Captain armor..." She responded. I kinda just sipped my coffee and looked away, I'm still kinda sour about what she did.

For a few seconds after they're greetings the room was completely silent so I decided to look back toward them.... Only to be faced with 2 very large light blue eyes....WHAT THE HELL! Luna was staring at me suspiciously less then an inch away from my face, apprantly she doesn't know what the fuck subtly is! I jumped and fell backwards in my chair almost spilling my precious coffee on the red luxury carpet.

"Who art thou?" She asked coldy, oh shit.... I may have forgotten a few things... Like how she has no clue who I am because she doesn't know I can transform. Fuck what I said earlier, this bitch is fucking scary! 

"I'm....uh...uh....Dawning Jade...." I said with a nervous smile. Luna's intense stare worsened as she got close again " Thou looks familiar to Us... Thee have disrespected us by ignoring our royal presence AND sitting in our royal seat..." She said as she studied my face closely, I tried to move away but she pinned me down with a hoof, OK I'm fucked. "Captain armor.... Why is this pony present?" She asked, her eyes not leaving mine. "Uh... Your a little to close for comfort..." I said nervously, she was right on top of me staring me down, effortlessly pinning me with her weight. "Silence!" She commanded and I gulped.

"Well you're not going to believe this, But Dawning jade is actually Der...." Shining was interrupted by a very strange chain of events.

This honestly is not my day, the shit that could have gotten me crucified earlier happened again. Luna's horn was rubbing against mine, except unlike last time, I was now just a regular unicorn, so for some reason this rush of pleasure was ALOT more intense then when I was an Alicorn. The only way I can describe this is its like having 5 orgasms at the SAME time, my senses were completely overloaded! I hope I wasn't ACTUALLY orgasming, I don't have to explain why that's disgusting. Then as if it couldn't be any worse, Celestia and Candace decided that this was a perfect moment to arrive. They both froze when they saw me with a dumb smile on my face and Luna with her ears down, cheeks red, and wings outstretched, no doubt embarrassed.

Then as if THAT wasn't worse, Twilight walked in accompanied by Flash and Mac through another door, oh sure ALL these motherfuckers decided to eat at the SAME TIME! Their jaws dropped when they saw the scene before them. Everyone stared at us in complete silence waiting for someone to explain, unfortunately it won't be me since I can barely speak because I can't think straight.

Going around the room, Shining seemed the least surprised, since he saw the whole thing unfold. Twilight was genuinely surprised because she dropped the books she was carrying with her. I couldn't tell if Flash was Surprised, or if he was just trying hard not to laugh. Mac I expected to be angry, but to my suprise, he looked slightly happy... Maybe even relieved! Celestia's expression was a complete blank slate, I couldn't read it whatsoever, which worried the fuck out of me because I don't know if she's about to drop the sun down my throat, or just write it off as an accident. Candace's expression was halfway between "Aww that's cute!" And "Oh that's fucked up!" Which I didn't know was possible.

"Heh... Funny story actually..." Shining said with a nervous smile.

> Act 2 part 3: Ancient evil
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 2 part 3: Ancient evil


"You see... it was all just an... accident?" Shining said nervously.


"Hmm looks to me like somepony is enjoying this... accident" Flash said as he pointed to me and laughed. Yeah, So you know how Celestia froze after I turned into an alicorn? Yeah That's basically me right now...

Funny thing is, I really WAS enjoying this! I figured Mac would be pissed! But he just looks kinda happy? Why? Maybe he wanted somebody to take Luna off of his hoofs, but he is fucking mistaken if he thinks it'll be ME! I don't give a shit how good this feels! Well... Maybe a little... NO! Concentrate on moving...


*Grunt*


Welp... That's not going to work. "I see you have already acquainted yourself with your sister's new student..." Cadance said with a grin. Luna immediately lifted her head away from mine and her eyes darted around the room.

Mac raised his brow and just stared at Luna, she melted over his gaze, failing to register his amusement. "Tis not what it looks like, Mackiepoo..." Luna said nervously. Then in the blink of an eye, she was cuddling Mac lovingly. "A thousand apologies Mackiepoo! We would never cheat on thee!" Luna assured as she kissed his cheeks. Mac regarded Luna with a silly smile "But Princess... we're not even really in a relation-" Mac was interrupted by Luna kissing him on the lips, to which he responded with a roll of his eyes. He tried to repeat himself but he just got squeezed tighter.

"Is Derrick OK?" Twilight asked, I was still sitting on my back in a daze from my "contact" with Luna. "Yeah... I'm fine.... just give me a minute..." I said as I sat there trying to get a grip on reality. Luna then looked back at me with narrowed eyes.


"Nay...." She said as she looked at me in disbelief. "What? Oh yeah... you're kinda late to the party..." I said sarcastically, finally managing to stand up. "I can turn into an earthpony, a pegasus, and an alicorn now..." I explained. Luna just looked at me again shaking her head "WHO art thou?" She asked. Instead of talking I just sighed and turned back to my human form. I waited for my identity to sink in.

...

"NAY!" She blurted in outrage as a frown formed on her face. "Yep... 100% DJ over here... " I said with a smirk. Flash started to look skeptical. "Can you really turn into an alicorn?" He asked. "Yeah... But last time someone asked me that I ended up in a very awkward situation..." I said as I looked at Celestia. She still had this lifeless stare, I swear the temperature in here just dropped a few hundred degrees.


"Uh... sorry?" I muttered with uncertainty, Celestia said nothing and narrowed her eyes. Oh god... I can't even face her right now! I never thought someone so expressive and lively could ever give me that kind of look. Luna was still cuddling Mac and apologizing "We hope thy aren't angry with us, this is the human's doing..." She said as she glared daggers at me. WHAT!!! OH hell no! She's not blaming me for this shit!


"MY doing??? I didn't do anything! " I said in outrage.

"This wouldn't have happened if thy watched where thy horn ventures!" Luna responded, literally almost dropping Mac to the floor as she looked at me.


"You guys don't get it do you? I'm not used to having a horn! Besides you're the one that got in my face! " I snapped back.


"Only because thou sat in MY royal chair!" She said angrily.


"So what? It's just a fucking chair! And you were way to close to my face, and I DID tell you that you were to close! What the hell were you trying to do, kiss me?" I yelled.


"I absolutely forbid ANYPONY from sitting in MY chair!" She boomed. Uh, should I be worried that she dropped the old English? No. I'm standing my ground!


So I did the "smart" thing in this situation and walked over to her chair, flipped it upright and plopped my ass right in it. "Just try and stop me..." I muttered with a smug grin. Luna's eyes turned white and she slowly stomped over to me. Uh... starting to regret this a little bit...OK... The room is definitely colder now... I'm regretting this a lot... I can literally see my fucking breath right now... Maximum regret!


Thankfully Cadance was there to cast that calming spell on us before I got my face disintegrated. "Sheesh... You two argue like a married couple..." Cadance said jokingly. Luna and I suddenly got wide eyed, we slowly turned to Cadance, giving her the death stare. Cadance whistled innocently and looked away from us before Luna and I made eye contact again, and she still wasn't happy with me. She walked up to me and stared me down. She was about to yell again when Cadance cleared her throat.


"Um, Princess Luna? Have you tried asking nicely?" She suggested with a warm smile. Luna looked at Cadance with an annoyed glare before sighing. "Nay..." She said as she turned back to me. Oh god... she's really going to ask me nicely? This should be hilarious!


"Human... Uh... Derrick.... Can thy please get out of our chair?" She whispered, which I didn't think was possible.


"Aww.... The poor pwincess wants her wittle chair back..." I teased as I stood up, "Aww... Well here ya go... You can have your wittle chair back since you asked so nicely!" I said as I walked past her and ruffled her hair, Which felt kinda like cotton candy except a lot thicker and not sticky. She stood for a moment and her eyes twitched before she finally sat down in her chair.


"Can we see it DJ? That would be truly amazing to witness!" Twilight pleaded. I frowned and folded my arms. "See what?" I asked. "Your alicorn transformation!" Flash said as he looked at me suspiciously. "No... I almost pass out every time I do it" I said with a shake of my head. "Please?" Twilight pleaded again with her puppy eyes, ugh... god damn ponies and they're cuteness... NO! I'm going to have to deal with this a lot in the near future! I have to resist the cuteness! This shit is NOT working this time Twilight!


I glanced at her again, it took all my will power to resist but so far I was managing... "Ya know DJ, Ah'm startin ta think ya can't turn into an alicorn..." Mac said with a shrug. I instantly caved and started the transformation for the 3rd time in a row, and surprisingly it was still just as hard as the first time around.


"Bask in the glory of the mighty alicorn DJ..." I said in a menacing voice. Mac, Luna, Twilight and flash's jaws hit the floor. Do I really look that amazing? I walked over to a nearby mirror and checked myself out. Besides obvious height and build differences that came with my pony forms, I noticed my "mane" was a lot longer then usual. Huh that's funny... I guess it's an alicorn thing. After looking myself over for a little bit I started to feel... weird... like, evil weird. It became really hard to focus on anything... And my head started to hurt badly.


OK, I don't know what the hell is happening... I haven't stayed in this form for more than 30 seconds before, maybe its unstable? Once I felt a pressure in my chest, and started hearing evil laughter in my head I decided I should probably change back before something bad happens. In fact I feel a strange urge to kill something right now.... OK, fuck this! I turned back into my human form and cringed in pain. The dark evil feeling went away thankfully and I turned back to everyone. They were all staring at me in horror.


"What?" I asked innocently. Then Twilight spoke up "Uh... You had this really creepy smile and you started laughing and mumbling to yourself... " she explained. OK... Alicorn DJ equals bad then...


"Are you OK?" Celestia asked, finally speaking up, her face filled with concern. "Yeah I'm fine! Its just exhausting turning into that form, and I'm kinda hungry. Say, can we eat now?" I said changing the subject and giving a reassuring smile. Celestia just looked at me suspiciously and nodded slowly.


"Come sit sister! We are famished!" Luna said impatiently. Good job Luna! Distract them all so they can forget my creepy moment! Everyone sat down, Celestia sat next to Luna (in the other big ass chair) then Cadance sat across from Shining, Twilight across from Flash and I sat across from Mac. I transformed into my unicorn form so I could eat hay. Celestia somehow signaled a waiter to appear and take our orders. They all got an assortment of sweets, hay based foods and salads, then it was my turn to order.

"What will you have this evening sir?" The waiter pony asked. "Uh, just get me a sandwich and fries and whatever cake everyone else is getting, along with a coffee..." I said quickly. The waiter nodded, and walked away. Then slowly but surely everyone started to talk among themselves, but some were acting kind of... funny. Celestia still had that... Look in her eyes despite that smile she wore. it's strange how not even her sister noticed. Then again... I seem to be the only one that noticed it at all! And as if she could hear my thoughts, she and I made eye contact but we both quickly looked away.


Eventually I kinda just zoned out, I was worried about what exactly happened to me when i turned to an alicorn. I felt a very strange bloodlust that is COMPLETELY uncharacteristic of me, I'm not a killer! Maybe Celestia noticed it too... But she didn't say anything. If she did then that's probably what's bothering her. Well, all I know now is that feeling is gone, so I guess I should just avoid using my alicorn form for now and forget the whole thing...


When I tuned back into reality, I noticed Cadance was staring at me... what the hell? Whatever... I don't care anymore, I'm just going to put my head down until the food comes...

Hmm, interesting... I can see why Auntie wants him to make friends. He hasn't said a word to anypony at the table yet, he prefers to keep to himself, avoids social interaction, claims he doesn't need friends of all things, an OUTCAST. It does make some sense considering he's not of this world, but besides our different appearances, and some societal differences, there doesn't seem to be to many differences between us and humans. Aunt Celestia told me how much happier Twilight became because of friendship. She told me how Twilight used to lounge around the archives, studying endlessly, alone. Perhaps his assignment will brighten up his life, of course there is also the possibility for the assignment to just make him hate friendship even more...


I've also been observing all of the relationships here. Twilight and Flash seem to like each other enough but neither of them are making any advances. I have to remind Shining not to interfere or it will never happen. Then there is Aunt Luna and Big Macintosh. It seems really one-sided, Big Mac doesn't seem to share the strong feelings that Luna has for him. In fact he was amused when Derrick touched horns with her! Luna seems to have trouble accepting that, and it looks like Mac can't bring himself to tell her... How unfortunate... They look so cute together too... Then again, not all pairs are meant to be.

Then there is Derrick, he wishes not to be involved in any romance. But mating season is coming up soon, I feel he will soon have his wish broken by all the mares in heat, we tend to get a bit... desperate... and borderline crazy according to shining. But what's a mare in heat to do with so few stallions?

I also found out something quite interesting, after bugging Auntie Celestia for long enough, I finally got her to admit that she IS fond of him. Imagine that... The Princess of the sun, falling for the handsome, mysterious shapeshifting human. It sounds like a bad pair when you put it that way, but I can sense great pain emanating from him. He holds it all in, and behind that cute, smug grin of his and the wall of sarcasm is someone with a troubled past. Perhaps love could heal him... Auntie's love... but for some reason she won't tell Derrick how she really feels about him. Maybe she fears rejection? Or she wants him to figure it out on his own? He doesn't want a relationship with anypony, so she claimed she would tell him when the time was right. Whatever that means...


Perhaps her initial attraction sparked from the original contact they shared, when unicorn's touch horns, they gain a subconscious connection, that tends to be amplified by their true feelings for each other (if there are any). It is not a strong connection, otherwise accidental horn touching would create relationships everywhere, but it is there never the less. Normally after some time they would both seek each other out without realizing it, they'll make choices that ultimately bring them together. From there, they either find their soulmate, or they realize they aren't made for each other and separate, continuing on with their lives.


But maybe the fact that Derrick is a human changed things this time. Princess Celestia may seek him out and he may not seek her. What complicates things is Derrick also made contact with Princess Luna. Princess Celestia was saddened just seeing Derrick with another pony, even if it was her own sister. eventually both of them could seek out Derrick, and there would be a very odd love triangle to consider. But this is very unlikely because Luna still loves Big Mac, and Princess Celestia may be to busy to have a relationship, let alone seek Derrick out. That might change once the season starts... Only time will tell...


Ugh... this is really boring... Sitting here waiting for this fucking food... Everyone at the table is talking but me, and I plan to keep it that way. However, that doesn't mean I won't listen in a little bit, well not really, I can't tell if I'm half asleep right now.


"Tia, we think it is unfair that Thou has personal students and we don't!" Luna said sadly.

Celestia giggled, " I never said you couldn't have a protégée, Lulu..." She said, with a shake of her head.


"Huzzah! We shall have our OWN Student, and they shall be better than yours!" Luna teased. Celestia raised her eyebrow, "Now, you shouldn't claim a student just because I have one! You must pick a pony who has a lot of potential! It is not a game to see who is better! Besides, I wouldn't mind if you taught my students a thing or two occasionally, you know a lot of things that I don't. " Celestia said reassuringly. "Hmm we shall teach them the art of dream walking!" Luna said with determination. "Oh you must give them time, sister. Derrick hasn't even sent me his first friendship letter yet..." Celestia said with a giggle.

The waiter finally decided to show the fuck up. She came out with all of our food (minus desert) held in her magic. We all started to eat as their separate conversations began to meld into one big one.


"So, Princess Celestia, are you going to dress up for Nightmare Night?" Twilight asked hopefully. "Oh no, no, no! I would be much to cranky if I stayed up that long..." Celestia said with a laugh. " What about you, Flash?" She asked. Flash scratched his head and shrugged " I dunno, Twilight... I'll probably be snoozing..." He said with a grin. "What about you, Shiny?" She asked. "Nah, probably not. I'm going to spend some quality time with Cadance!" He said and they nuzzled affectionately. Twilight sighed in annoyance "Big Mac? Are you going?" She asked. Mac tapped his chin In thought " Yeah.. Ah probably will since ma sis is goin'..." Twilight smiled and turned to me. "Are going, DJ?" She asked suddenly. I was only halfway paying attention to the conversation because meh.

"Going to what?" I ask in annoyance, bringing my head up lazily.


"To Nightmare Night!" She said. I sat there in confusion.


"What the fuck is Nightmare night?" I asked, prompting everyone to laugh.


"It's when everypony dresses up in costumes and celebrate Luna's night by giving out candy, scaring ponies, and other festivities..." Twilight explained. Ha! That shit is just like Halloween! It was an OK holiday for me I guess. It was an excuse to gorge myself on piles of candy, and I would see people with some pretty cool costumes sometimes, but here? They'll probably all just annoy me.


"Sure... I'll dress up as a human..." I said sarcastically, "Oh, that would be great!" You would fool everypony! " Twilight said with a giggle. "Seriously though... Screw that, I'm not going..." I said with a frown as I finished my sandwich. "Aw, why not? Come on, it'll be fun!" Twilight pleaded. "I'm not dressing up for that crap, Twilight..." I said again as I tasted my coffee. Wow, that's way better than the coffee I had at that restaurant! "I would suggest that you go, Derrick, it would be great fun and you could make a lot of friends during the celebration!" Celestia said. Ugh... Not this "friendship" shit again. I swear, ponies are so sappy.


"Yeah, no. I agreed to go make a few friends in Ponyville and learn magic with Twilight, not go to some annoying celebration..." I said with a frown. Celestia just looked at me with disappointment and shook her head. "Well if you stay in the library then you have to give out candy to the fillies..." Twilight said with a smug grin. I just scoffed and rolled my eyes. Then they started talking about "Hearths Warming" which was basically just Christmas.


"I'm not participating in that either. I don't have any solid income yet..." I said with a shrug, it seemed like everyone here was going to get each other something. "Speaking of money... Princess Celestia!" I called out. "You kinda owe me 250 bits..." I reminded. She deadpanned and her horn glowed. a large sack of what I assume was the bits appeared above me. "Thanks, Princess-AHHH!" I yelped. The bag of bits landed on my crotch, and if I remember correctly bits are made of solid fucking GOLD! Guess what? That shit is heavy!


I fell sideways out of the chair clutching my crotch in pain, a small tear in my eye. "Woah, you OK there partner?" Mac called out as he stood up. "FUUUUCK!!!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, prompting everyone to jump out of thier seats. "What happened?" Twilight asked with concern. "Balls....gold....heavy.......crushed....fuck..." I squeaked out incoherently. Twilight tilted her head in confusion before putting two and two together, and she started snickering, along with all the other girls.


"Is....is he crying?" Luna choked out as she busted out laughing prompting the other girls to laugh as well. "Ouch..." Flash said with a cringe "That's gotta hurt..." Shining said with simpathy. Only the guys here understand my pain.... Damn alicorns... And unicorn...


After another minute of suffering, the pain became somewhat bearable and my eyes were dry. I slowly climbed back into my chair, plopping the heavy sack of bits onto the table. The girls were still laughing "Oh, I am terribly sorry, Derrick. I didn't mean for it to land...THERE..." Celestia said nervously. "Yeah, whatever..." I muttered angrily, meanwhile Luna was sticking her tongue out at me. So you thought that was funny, Inkbutt? I got a mischievous smile as I made my next move. I subtly used my magic to tilt Luna's chair making it and her fall over, jokes on you now! Everyone started laughing as she quickly bounced back up, she was absolutely furious. "Who would DARE knock the Princess of the night out of her chair!?!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. We stopped for a few seconds then we started laughing again. Even Celestia couldn't help snickering a little. I yawned casually and smirked. Yeah, I don't think a millisecond even went by before those cyan eyes were in my face again. To avoid any potential horn grinding, I immediately turned into my human form.


"Derrick! Did thou knock over our chair?!" She asked with a frown.


"Nope. I was just sitting here... In pain...because nuts..." I muttered, rolling my eyes. She narrowed her eyes and got closer in an attempt to intimidate me. Jesus, does she do this shit to everyone? All I know is it's not working right now. "Yes thy did! Thou used magic to tilt our chair!" She accused. Ya know its hard to keep a straight face with her. "No, I didn't... It's not my fault you're clumsy and can't sit in a chair properly..." I said with a smirk. "We suppose thy thinks this is amusing?" Luna said with annoyance. "Yeah, pretty much. You thought it was funny when my sack was crushed by...a sack." Luna suddenly turned my chair facing her with magic, the temperature seemed to drop a few million degrees and she stared into my soul.


"Heed my words, Derrick Young, I will get you for the embarrassment you have caused me today, so watch yourself... For you will suffer this night!" Luna said sternly, as she poked my chest with each syllable. Whoa... pause for a second... She said my FULL name just now.... And she dropped the old English too... And she didn't scream it in my face... OK, I think I should officially be scared now...


Luna walked back to her seat without a word and continued to eat, it seems nobody in the room heard how creepy Luna was 5 seconds ago. Ah well.... CAFFEINE!


Everyone started to talk again as they continued to eat. I was done with everything besides my coffee. Flash, Mac and Shining seemed to be done already too, but the girls seemed to be taking their time with their food. I got bored and reached into the sack of ball busting gold and pulled out a bit. I examined it and it turned out they all had a picture of Celestia on it, kinda like the Presidents on quarters and dollars I guess. Hmm.... I wonder if Princess Luna is on a coin too? Probably...


Hmmm... I can make things pop out of thin air... it would be funny if I could duplicate these bits. "So, what exactly is stopping me from duplicating these?" I wondered aloud. "Every Equestrian bit is sealed with an enchantment that prevents them from being copied by magic, but in the event that they are copied it would be considered a felony, and would be delt with accordingly..." Celestia answered eyeing me suspiciously.


"Come on! I'm not that much of a jerk! I wouldn't ruin your economy by inflating the market with duplicated money!" I said with a frown, Believe it or not I do have SOME morals! I think...


"OK, I'll take your word for it." Celestia said with relief as she went back to eating. "It's nice to know that your-" "-totally going to try it once to see if it works!" I interrupted with a mischievous grin. With a snap of my fingers and a flash of light, I now had 2 bits in my hand. The reactions were mixed again. the guys thought it was the coolest shit ever, while the girls looked disappointed in me... Well except Luna, she thought it was cool too.


"That was amazing Derrick! Can thou do that aga-" she stopped when Celestia gave her a stern look."- uh we mean... Do that again and thy will rot in the dungeon! " she said with a fake frown.  "Chill out girls. Here, I'll get rid of it..." I snapped my fingers again and the bit disappeared. Celestia snorted angrily, sitting back in her chair she drank some of her tea.

Now that I was done playing with the bits, I put the sack in my drawstring bag. Heh.... I forgot that I have a bottle in here, I have to remember to fill it up with something later. OK... I've been done eating for a while now. Oh shit here comes the dessert!


We all got assorted cakes, nothing unsual to report here... except for the fact that Celestia's cake serving was twice as big as even Mac's, and I'm sure he can eat a ton! "Try not to embarrass thyself Tia, we're sure no pony here wants to see thou make a mess of thy cake." Luna teased. Celestia frowned and everyone giggled. She turned to her sister, "Perhaps you should watch how much cake you eat, Lulu, the Royal Plot is getting quite thick..." Celestia said with a smirk, well once again the joke is on you, Luna. Everyone laughed harder, even I chuckled a little. "Oh sister? I would say thy Plot has grown considerably, has thee forgotten about thy Royal diet?" Luna said. The laughter raised again, Celestia deadpanned and stared at her little sister who wore a confident smile.


"Shut up and eat cake..." She said as she used magic to shove a large piece of cake into Luna's mouth. We all basically lost our shit at this point. Oh my gosh the look on her face is fucking PRICELESS! The best part was Celestia did it with some force, so most of the piece just ended up splattering in her face. Then without a word, Luna slammed a cake back into Celestia's face, except she slammed the entire cake. Some of it splattered on Cadance too. Shining found that particularly funny but I guess Cadance didn't appreciate his obnoxious laughter,  because she slammed a cake into his face, making Flash laugh loudly. Then i saw Shining frown and i saw him slowly raise cake over Flash's head.... OK... I see where this shit is going... Time to bail!

I quickly got up and started to run away. I didn't get far because Luna decided my hoodie would look nice with vanilla frosting splattered on the back. Great, I'm going to have to get this shit washed, and most of these motherfuckers don't even wear clothes so finding somewhere to wash these will be a pain... Ugh... 

They all threw cake around until everyone was covered in the stuff and they ran out of cake to throw. Unfortunately for me, I couldn't resist the chance to nail Luna with cake during the mess so I was rewarded with another splat of frosting to my face. Somehow the cake only managed to hit my hoodie, so at least I could keep my shorts on until I find somewhere to wash this shit. Thankfully, everyone got their revenge so no more cake was sailing through the air. I felt somewhat immature having participated in a food fight just now. Not sure if that's bad, because I'm definitely not known for being the most mature guy.


"Dammit, guys! You got my clothes dirty!" I muttered in annoyance. "Don't fret, Derrick! Everything in the room will be cleaned. Lulu, do you mind?" Celestia said. "Certainly not!" Luna said, her horn lit up and in a blinding flash of light all the cake splats were gone instantly, including the ones on my clothes, I still kinda hate the idea of magic, but boy is it handy! Wait a sec... If she cleaned my hoodie, then maybe that sweaty undershirt in my bag is clean too. Yep! I'm putting it on right now, because its a little chilly to be honest.


I casually removed my hoodie so I could put on the undershirt, but once again I forgot who I'm doing shit around. "How did you get that scar, DJ?" Twilight asked curiously. I thought all my skin's imperfections went away when I came here. Well I guess not. Dammit... That scar... That's a trip down memory lane I don't want to take anytime soon. That horrible accident... Dammit, I'd almost forgotten the whole thing entirely... "It's nothing..." I said as readied my shirt with a frown. "Really? It doesn't look like nothing, that scar goes across most of your midsection-" "-I said it was nothing! Don't ask!" I said angrily. That scar is a story I don't want to tell again... Ever... "Sheesh... Sorry..." Twilight said nervously, holding her hoofs up. I noticed the Princesses were quiet about the whole thing, Cadance had a pained expression while Celestia and Luna were... Admiring my pecs? I can't tell from thier expressions, but they're staring a little too hard... the guys weren't even paying attention.


As I slipped the shirt over my head, Twilight spoke up again "Well, what about that mark?" She asked, pointing to my chest again. "Shut up or else I'll give you a scar!" I threatened, wait a sec... I have a mark there? What the hell? I don't remember getting another scar...


There were 3 small circular dots in a pattern around where my heart would be, and it looked like Wolverine stabbed me with his claws. Strange thing was, I felt pain there when my alicorn form tried to possess me. Huh... This definitely wasn't there when I took the sweaty shirt off this morning. "How did you get those?" Twilight asked again. I quickly put the shirt back on and the hoodie over it. "Seriously, it's nothing..." I said with a nervous smile. I need to go somewhere and look at this in private... "So, uh, where's the bathroom?" I asked quickly. "Outside of that door, down the stairs, take 2 rights and it's there..." Shining said verbatim without even looking at me. Heh, I guess somebody managed to figure out the layout of the damn castle.


"Thanks! I'll be right back..." I said as I quickly got up and jogged toward one of the doors. Before I could leave Shining called out "Other side!" I did a u-turn and face palmed."I'm tired of this over complex castle... " I muttered to myself, spawning a few laughs. I took the shortcut and just slid on top of the table instead of walking around it. That got a bunch of odd looks, so I bolted out of the door. I didn't really need the bathroom yet, just a place with a mirror and privacy. Wait... That would be the bathroom... Yeah... Probably should have paid attention to what Shining said.


OK, he said out the door... Down some stairs.... Then take a left? Wait no! He said a right and then he said go up some stairs... Nope, that's not right. He said take a right, then go up some stairs.... FUCK I'M LOST!!! Ah well, l guess if I wander around, I'll find it eventually right?

...

There is no way in hell I'm finding a fucking bathroom in this damn labyrinth! I've been walking for a good 15 minutes now, and I don't see a bathroom anywhere! And no I'm not asking any guards for directions, because right now they're those batpony pricks, they changed shifts with the day guard. I guess Celestia will lower the sun and Luna will raise the moon soon. Somehow, I ended up wandering into this garden area of the castle where there were a bunch of statues. Let's hope I can find a mirror before it gets dark or something... There! I found a mirror next to a... Strange statue... Wha... What is this? Is this supposed to be ART?


The statue was a really tall Dragon....Lion.....Bird.....Goat...Pony....Bat...Deer...Thing. I don't even... Let's just say there are some creative pony artists... Or Equestria has some serious drugs... Or both. Jeez, its disturbing.... Yet... I have the strange urge to touch it. I slowly raised my hand as if in a trance to touch the statue. Then I heard a voice in my head whispering to me as I got closer, it whispered "Release me..." Then I felt that pressure in my chest from earlier and that evil blood thirsty urge, shit this statute is bad news! But I can't stop myself!


"Derrick?" Called a voice behind me and I snapped out of my trance and withdrew my hand. I turned around to see Princess Celestia with a concerned look, welp there goes "privacy". How the heck did she find me anyway? For some reason the darkness went away when I saw her, as if whatever entity is taking me over suddenly went into hiding.


"Am I correct in guessing that you didn't find the bathroom?" Celestia said with a smirk. "Eeyup..." I said with a chuckle. You know, I noticed something funny about Celestia, she has this strange habit of sneaking up on you. How she manages to do that with her size and those metal slipper things I'll never know. "So, uh...what brings you here Princess?" I asked nervously. Her face turned grim, "That mark on your chest; I think I've seen it before... " she said. I shifted uncomfortably. I'm pretty sure she's talking about the Wolverine scar. "If it is OK with you, I would like to examine it up close to make sure." She asked.


Hmm... this won't be awkward or anything. But it seems like she knows what she's doing, so with slight hesitation I lifted my shirt and hoodie to reveal the strange scar... mark... Whatever. Celestia stepped closer and examined it, at first she was calm but her eyes slowly began to widen as she looked longer. I think that's bad news. Celestia stepped back with a fearful expression, "It's just as I feared..." She said with worry. Uh oh. Then as if someone turned on the fucking Luna signal, the moon Princess landed a few feet away from us. Seriously, am I an alicorn magnet? How the fuck do they know where I am? I'm gonna lose my shit if Cadance drops in too...


"There thou are sister! We were worried about thee both!" Luna said as she walked up to us. Then she gave us a WTF look as she glanced between us. "Sister...Why is thou staring at Derrick's bare chest?" Luna questioned. Celestia got an annoyed look and pointed to the mark "Sister, look! Do you recognize this mark?" Celestia said in a serious tone. Luna looked at it for a second before gasping. "We do, sister. Are we going to perform the seal?" Luna asked as both sisters shared serious faces.... Wait what? Seal? What are they talking about?

"Yes, sister, there is no time to waste. It must be done immediately before it's too late!" Celestia said, Um, what are they about to do? "Discord's madness will not claim another this day!" Luna said confidently. "Uh, your highnesses, you lost me... What are you about to do?" I question nervously. They both said nothing and nodded to each other and turned to me. They're horns started to glow and they slowly started walking up to me. OK, this is creeping me out! "Derrick, I need you to lay down on the ground flat on your back..." Celestia said, as they drew closer to me. "Uh, Princess I still don't even know what a Discord is-" "NOW!" She commanded sternly. OK, they aren't fucking around...

So I quickly did what they said and layed down on my back. OK, I'm actually really scared right now... They got on either side of me and they were both charging some spell. Maybe they're going to seal away that...thing inside me? "Art thou ready?" Luna asked Celestia, "Yes. This is going to hurt Derrick..." Celestia said as they both stuck they're hooves out toward my chest. Well that sure is reassuring! Usually people say "Oh, this will only hurt a little" but I guess Celestia skipped the bullshit.


They both brought their hooves down on my chest where that dark mark was, and it flashed a sickly green color before slowly starting to fade away. Oh yeah, and it hurt like hell... So, ouch and shit. That searing pain went on for what seemed like an eternity before finally subsiding. My face was frozen in a state of suffering as the Princesses removed they're hooves having done the... Hurt like hell seal (yeah I don't know what else to call it) on me.


I immediately sat upright with a frown, "What the hell! Do you girls mind explaining what the fuck you sealed?" I yelled angrily clutching my chest. "The chaos magic inside you was slowly corrupting you, so we had to seal some of it away before it changed you..." Celestia explained. "But I thought my alicorn magic was keeping it in check?" I questioned. "It WAS, until recently. I am not entirely sure, but your alicorn transformation may have caused this somehow..." Celestia said with uncertainty. "Perhaps thou used too much power at the time?" Luna said. OK, I'm confused. The princesses started to explain what the hell they meant.

...

"Woah woah woah.... So let me get this straight... I turned into an alicorn using a large amount of chaos magic, which effected the balance of magic in my body, then the chaos magic tried to posses me, so you two sealed it up?" I said, trying to understand the events. "Yes, more or less" Celestia confirmed. "We had to act immediately before Discord's corruption took over thy body!" Luna said. "Uh... what the hell is a Discord?" I blurted in frustration. They both just pointed to that weird ass statue that was behind me. "Oh, that thing..." I said sheepishly as I stared at it. "He is a Draconequus who once ruled over Equestria in a state of unhappiness, causing everypony misery and pain..." Celestia explained. "Luna and I stopped him utilizing the Elements of Harmony" she said.

I raised my brow and was about to ask just what the fuck the "Elements of Harmony" were when Luna shushed me. "His chaos magic was known to corrupt ponies, changing them for the worse. Happy ponies would become cranky and mean, heroic ponies would become cowards. But those are minor changes compared to what he did to some...." She trailed off for a moment before continuing. "He would instill some with his chaotic essence, making them his slaves. They would wander aimlessly and do anything he commanded without question. In order to turn somepony into a servant he would need to make direct physical contact with them. it would take time for the corruption to manifest in the victim, but once you're corrupted there is not much that can help you" Celestia said grimly. "How come the scar didn't appear until now?" I asked, because like I said earlier, I would notice 3 fucking holes in my chest. "The mark is more a representation of your corruption rather than physical damage, it will fade in and out depending on how much your chaos magic is corrupting you..." Celestia explained.


Hmm... so basically this mismatched Picasso motherfucker right here was fucking shit up 1000 or so years ago and Celestia and Luna were like "That's not cool bro" and they kicked his ass with the "Elements of Harmony" and its been gumdrops and ice cream ever since? Sounds about right...


"Discord must have somehow attempted to corrupt you" Celestia said gesturing to where the scar was. Ah, I see... this dickwad stabbed me and injected this chaos shit into me. "When and why is the mystery before us..." Luna said with a heavy sigh. "Yeah... I must have been involved in some weird time travel, multi-dimensional BS on the day I can't remember!" I said with a chuckle, That improved the Princesses mood a little bit. "Well, the seal should last about a month before it has to be recast, or else you'll risk complete corruption..." Celestia muttered. "Wait... No chaos magic? I can't transform anymore?" I asked frantically, I quickly transformed into a unicorn and sighed in relief. "Nay, the purpose of thy seal is to restrict the use of large amounts of chaos magic, to stop thy corruption..." Luna explained, so that means no more alicorn me, but that's what caused this shit in the first place so I'm glad.


"Unfortunately this will not work forever, so we need a permanent solution to this eventually." Celestia said with a heavy heart. "Eh, I'll be fine... I'm too epic to become some mutated ponie's slave..." I said waving it off in an attempt to lighten up the mood because it's starting to depress me.  "Oh...uh... Thanks Princesses. For the seal and everything." I said with a nervous smile as I rubbed the back of my head. "Aw, your welcome Derrick!" Celestia said happily. She was about to nuzzle me but I pushed her barrel back. "No!" I said sternly, removing my hand from a very confused Celestia. They both regarded me in confusion. "What's wrong?" Celestia asked innocently.

"No nuzzling! It's weird and uncomfortable..." I said with a slight shudder. The sisters looked to each other with surprise. Then I saw they're horns give off a slight static like spar. What the hell was that? Then they both got this half lidded seductive smile and they slowly turned back to me. "Uh... You two feeling alright?" I ask sheepishly, stepping back.


Then they both suddenly snatched me up into a loving embrace and nuzzled my cheeks affectionately. OK, this went from depressing to... Awkward really fast! Uh, this feels kinda nice... There both really warm and fuzzy... Heh, maybe dating a pony wouldn't be so bad after- Wait what the fuck am I thinking?

I tried to slip away from their grasp but it didn't work, because alicorns. Damn these ponies and they're innate cuteness and their touchie feely crap! "What's wrong?" They both asked with a giggle. "I'm still mad at both of you..." I sputtered. "Aww, is thou upset because we splattered thee with cake?" Luna teased. "Aww, still mad about that accident with the gold?" Celestia said with a giggle and a blush. OK, this is kinda cozy, but this is giving me weird "fantasies" that I didn't know I wanted, so I think that's enough hugging FOREVER!!! I finally slipped out of they're grip, jumped back and stared at them. They sat there giggling like little girls, they really are acting strange I wonder if... Nah, they're probably just fucking with me.


"So does this mean you're not getting revenge Princess Luna?"


"Nay, thou will still suffer this night..." Luna replied, her kind smile fading immediately.


"Fiddle sticks..." Well at least she's back to normal...


After that the Princesses did their lower the sun, raise the moon and shit, we headed indoors. Apperantly Twilight, Mac and I were going to go back to Ponyville tonight, so we met back up with everyone. They all gave us puzzled glances while Cadance had this weird grin. I swear she knows something I don't and it's starting to get irritating. "So... I take it you didn't find the bathroom..." Shining said with a chuckle. "Hell no!" I grunted. " You ended up in the garden didn't you." He guessed. "Hell yeah!" I said with a frown. They all began to laugh and I face palmed, "Yeah. Happens to everypony, I had to learn the hard way!" Shining said with a nervous smile, wait a second.... EWWW!!!


"OK, then.." I said, somewhat creeped out. "So when are we leavin'?" Mac asked curiously. "The Royal Carriage to Ponyville will be leaving at 9:00, it is currently 8:00." Celestia answered, how the fuck she knows what time it is right now without a clock in sight will remain a mystery to me. "Alright everypony, my shift ended a while ago, I really have to head home." Flash said to us all. We exchanged goodnights, Flash whispered something in Twilight's ear that made her blush, Shining got pissed, and he was gone. I doubt I'll see him much once I go to Ponyville, I guess he's an alright guy but he's a bit annoying sometimes.

"Well I think its time for us to hit the hay, what do you think, honey?" Cadance asked with a wink as she bumped Shining. "Hey... I'm not even tired-" he started before getting bumped by Cadance again "-oh I mean (fake yawn) yeah... I am kinda sleepy.... Er, goodnight everypony!" Shining said. Then they both zipped around a corner. Geez, those two are in a hurry! I wonder what they're going to do. A second later, Cadance popped her head around the corner, "I hope you reconsider what you said about finding a special somepony!" She said with warm smile. I rolled my eyes, folded my arms and sighed, after that awkward embrace I want to avoid thinking about that kind of stuff for a while. I think that awkward hug will forever be scorched into my memory, which is going to suck because sometimes my mind tends to sink into the gutter, no matter how messed up it is...


Well, I don't know what to do with myself now, We have to wait for an hour for the damn carriage to take us back, So I kinda just plopped into the nearest seat with a sigh. It was just Me, Mac, Twilight and the Princesses now. They more or less did the same thing I did except they were talking again. They sat around me and talked, a few minutes went by before they turned to me. "Hey Derrick, what's your hobby?" Twilight asked randomly, I guess they were talking about their hobbies and they wondered what mine was. Too bad I'll never be able to play video games again, besides the apps on my phone, it is a truly depressing thought.


"It doesn't matter now..." I said dryly. "Oh come on, DJ! We're going to be studying together for a while, and I barely know anything about you!" Twilight pouted. "*sigh*, fine..." They all anxiously awaited my answer. "I used to play video games..." I said plainly. They all sat silent staring at me, then they snickered behind their hoofs. "Uh... Isn't that a little... Foalish? Twilight said with a giggle. Foalish? What does that mean? Wait a sec... Foal.... Child..... Childish! "How the hell is it foalish???" I demanded. Twilight started to explain what she meant. Basically, they DO have some form of video games here, but they are really simple games that little kids usually play. I'm not even going to get into why it makes no fucking sense that they have video games but not TV or even radio. From how she's describing them they sound a lot like old arcade machines with really basic games.... Like fucking PONG basic. Oh, and they run on magic... I don't know why I even got my hopes up, video games here sound like weak sauce...


"Human video games started off as simple kids games too, but over the years they became way more advanced and more complex to the point where people of ALL ages could enjoy them. It would be easier for me to just show you, but I don't exactly have an Xbox with me..." I said with annoyance. Then Twilight said something I didn't think about. "Your chaos magic lets you conjure up objects, right? Why not just do that with your video games?" Twilight suggested. "Hmmm.... That could work! Aww, wait, then I'd have to figure out how to get them to run on magic..." I said with disappointment. "I guess I could work towards it eventually. It will be worth it in the long run." I said with a shrug. "Please do! We wish to see these human video games of yours..." Luna said with interest "I do as well! They must be splendid for them to be enjoyed by all" Celestia added.


"The seal might complicate things though. I don't know how much magic it would take to conjure up human tech." I said, rubbing my chin in thought. "What seal?" Twilight questioned. Celestia started explaining what happened in the garden (minus the awkward hug) and Twilight and Mac listened closely. I didn't really mind that they were telling Mac about it, this just saves me the trouble of telling him myself. While they did that, I checked my watch. It's 8:50, time to go soon.


"Well, the carriage should be ready soon. Is everypony ready to leave?" Celestia asked. We all nodded and started going through the infinite maze that was Canterlot Castle, somehow ending up at the back area where all the transportation stuff was. Luna didn't go with us because she had to "watch over the night" or something. I'm not exactly sure how she plans to "Make thee suffer!" but I hope she can't really go into dreams, or I will never sleep again. Well, if I manage to sleep anyway... That coffee kinda did its thing a little too well.


When we arrived the guards were latching up onto the carriage, this time I didn't recognize them and the carriage looked a bit.. Bland? Well compared to Luna's at least. Hey, I wonder what Celestia's looks like? This one can't be her's because I can see 3 copies of the one in that storage area. "Well, this is when I say farewell my little ponies, I wish you all a safe return, and I hope you have a good night." Celestia said warmly.


Mac and I just nodded "You too, Princess Celestia!" Twilight said as they nuzzled. I turned into my unicorn form and stretched "Dawning Jade, I will give you some time to adjust in Ponyville before I expect any friendship letters.." Celestia informed, Wait. She was serious about that? I thought I just had to make friends and learn magic and...


...


Well shit...


"Uh... I'm not exactly the best... At formal letters." I said with a sheepish smile as I rubbed my neck. "Oh, I'm sure you'll do fine! Twilight Sparkle can assist you if you need help." Celestia said with a giggle as she turned to walk away. I deadpanned and turned toward the carriage. Twilight and Mac were already in it, but before I got in I felt something warm against my cheek, I turned to see Princess Celestia giving me a kiss. I instantly froze in place and blushed. I swear she gets enjoyment out of making me feel awkward or something.

"Uh...goodnight Princess...." I said nervously "Stay out of trouble." Celestia said with a wink, then walked away giggling. I made sure she was gone before climbing into the carriage. Where Twilight and Mac were waiting with...with..... Wow... You know that face that Spongebob gave Squidward when he caught him eating the Crabby Patties after he claimed he didn't like them? Yeah... That's these two motherfuckers right now. "You liked that kiss didn't ya, partner?" Mac questioned smugly. "No. I don't know what your talking about bro..." I said as calm as possible. We were interrupted by the guards taking off into the sky, steadily heading down toward Ponyville. "I should probably get into character now..." I said as I cleared my throat. "Speaking of character, what exactly do you plan to do DJ, uh, I mean, Dawning Jade?" I thought for a second before giving her the rundown.


"OK, so I'm a student from Canterlot that's staying with you to learn magic and make friends and shit..." I said. "OK, but what about the others?" Mac asked. "I dunno... I was thinking of using my pegasus and earthpony forms to work. Say Mac," I said as I looked to him and turned into an earthpony. "Would it be fine if I came and worked on the farm with you from time to time?" I asked. "Sure, partner! We need all the hooves we can get, especially with the harvest coming up..." Then he frowned " Ah don't know what my sister would think of ya, though... " he said with a troubled expression. "Dude, just tell her I'm from out of town or something and I drop in every once in a while to earn some bits" I said, dismissing the thought.


Mac still looked a bit troubled "Ah don't know DJ... My sister IS the Element of Honesty, so she might see right through our fib!" He said with a nervous smile, What? "Element of Honesty?" I questioned aloud. Twilight was MORE than happy to explain "My friends and I together represent the 6 Elements of harmony, Honesty, Loyalty, Generosity, Laughter, Kindness and Magic. Through friendship the Elements can face any evil threat!" Twilight explained. I blinked once.... Twice...Three times.


"WAT?"


"Applejack represents the Element of Honesty-" Hmm... She was pretty straightforward about things as far as I can tell. "-Rainbow Dash is the Element of Loyalty-" never would have guessed that... "-Rarity is the Element of Generosity-" Well, she did try to make me clothes... Without fucking asking! "-Pinkie pie is the Element of Laughter-" she didn't make me laugh... She just made my brain cry trying to understand her. "-Fluttershy is the Element of Kindness-" Ha! More like the element of... Shyness! Hahahaha, OK, I know it's not funny. "-and I am the Element of Magic!" Twilight said confidently. "Did not see that one coming." I said sarcastically. Twilight smiled proudly, I honestly had a feeling there was some deeper connection that the six of them had.

"God dammit!" I blurted out suddenly slamming my hoof into my face. "What's wrong?" Twilight questioned. "I just remembered that since I'm 'new' , I'm going to have to meet everyone... Again..." I muttered with distaste. "That means another Pinkie party..." Twilight giggled. Yay... Another awkward party I'll probably end up drunk at... "Don't remind me about that pink menace... I still don't believe she's the Element of Laughter..." I said with an angry snort.

Then I had random question "Wait... if you guys are the Elements of Harmony, how the hell did the Princesses defeat Discord with you guys... A thousand years ago?" I asked in confusion. "No, no, no! The Elements of Harmony are physical objects as well as- we're here" Twilight said as we landed in Ponyville.


The town was silent, there were few ponies walking around but for the most part it seemed everyone was indoors. We got off the carriage and it left back to Canterlot. "Alright, ponies, I'm headin' home... Ah'll see y'all later..." Mac said with a yawn as he walked away towords the farm. Twilight and I walked into her treehouse. The candles weren't lit but you could still see enough to know where you're going thanks to moonlight. I guess Spike is asleep or something, otherwise I'm sure he would have rushed downstairs by now. Good, because I don't feel like explaining anything yet. "I'm not sure where you should stay. I don't have a room ready..." Twilight said as she rubbed her chin. "Hey, I can just crash on the coach for now. We can figure out sleeping arrangements and all that jazz tomorrow, just get some sleep." I said as I lay down on the coach. "Oh, alright then. Goodnight... Dawning Jade." She said as she quietly walked upstairs to her room. "Goodnight, Twilight Sparkle." I responded. I finally get to lay back and think about things...


Wow... Day 2 in Equestria. And it's been completely fucking nuts! I have an ancient and powerful magic inside me that is slowly trying to possess me, and is being held at bay by a temporary seal. I'm am now a student of Princess Celestia, and Twilight Sparkle's colleague. I'm also going to live a triple life... Dawning Jade the unicorn, Dauntless the earthpony, and Drift Jolt the pegasus. I also accidentally got a little to close to the Princesses on multiple occasions and managed to not get my horn cut off for it. Yep, today has been INSANE! I doubt tomorrow can even come close... Did I just jinx myself? Maybe...

I was right about the coffee thing... I'm not feeling sleepy yet, despite my eyes being closed. Whatever, I'll just chill until the caffeine gives up. I open my eyes and glance out the window. The full moon was completely visble as it brightly hung over the world, it was pretty nice and peaceful to say the least.


*SWOOSH*


"What was that???" I said aloud. I could have sworn I saw something dart by the window... Eh, probably just seeing things...


I played back down and closed my eyes again.


*SWOOSH*


Woah, there it is again! This is kinda creepy... I'm just going to ignore that sound, and try and sleep anyway. I took a deep breath and exhaled deeply, I suddenly felt... Strange... Like someone is right in front of me... My eyes snapped open to reveal beautiful cyan eyes...


...


For fuck's sake, Luna's on top of me!


"Uh... What brings you here, Princess?" I questioned frantically. "We said thou will suffer this night, did we not?" Luna said with narrowed eyes. "Yeah but I-" I paused when Luna's eyes glowed white and she got closer. "Sleep..." She said coldy, staring into my eyes. Is she trying to hypnotize me? "Nah, the coffee won't allow it, I'm not gonna-" I started, before falling victim to Luna's power and passing out on the coach... Haha, I'm gonna die...


> Act 3 part 1: Who's the Hottie?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 3 part 1: Who's the Hottie?

I woke up sweating like a dog and breathing heavily, i would have screamed too if i didn't stop myself. Holy shit.... it's finally over! Luna has been torturing me in my dreams ALL NIGHT! That was the worst fucking nightmare imaginable! No she didn't lay a hoof on me, nor did she send Demons, Ghosts, or Zombies after me, ooooh it was far worse than that! Princess Luna left one of my recent memories on a loop... which memory you ask? The one where i got my balls busted by Gold... yep... i had to go through that shit all night... over and over AND OVER AGAIN!

OK... I need to calm down... It was just a dream... I'll be fine... My balls are fine... They're intact.... Hey...where is Luna anyway? I looked around the room and saw no sign of her anywhere. I guess she left in the middle of the night or something. But what I DO see is a very worried looking Dragon... Oh this isn't going to turn out well.

...

"TWILIGHT THERE'S A HOME INVADER!!!" He screamed at the top of his lungs as he began throwing the closest objects to him at me, which included a big ass dictionary, some nearby bits, and a huge lamp. The book missed, the lamp hit me in the head and I don't need to tell you where the bits ended up hitting me.

"Stop you little shit! Its me!" I yelled out at him. "I don't know you!" He yelled back as he threw another book at me. I was still recovering from the first barrage so the book hit me square in my muzzle, making my head cock back from the force. Let me just say... This dragon is tougher than he looks! Hmm... That seems to be a trend in Equestria...

I turned into my human form in an attempt to stop the barrage, "Its me, DJ!" I said quickly blocking another painful book with my arm. Spike immediately stopped, and stared at me in confusion. Then he narrowed his eyes. "Is this some kind of prank?" He asked trying to comprehend what I just did. Just then Twilight rushed down the stairs almost tripping on the last one, charging up a death laser. She looked half asleep as she yelled out "Where's the invader?!?" Spike pointed to me as he threw another book at me which slammed into my chest. "Ow! Dammit Spike, stop throwing shit!" I yelled at him. He just stuck his looked at me with an angry glare.

"OK spike I need you to sit down and listen very carefully.." Twilight said camly. The drake complied and took a seat, folding his arms in front of him. Then we basically told him everything. We left out a few minor details to save me some embarrassment, but he now he understands the situation. He rubbed his chin in thought, then blinked when something popped into his head.

"Wait so now that he's like Celestia's student too, does that make me his assisnt too?" Spike asked.

"Haha no! Why the hell would i need an assistant?" I said with a raised brow. Then Twilight Threw a bunch of Reasons at me.

"To help you carry things?"

"I can carry my own stuff..."

"To help you organize your files?"

"What files? Organizing? HA!"

"To help you... write letters?"

"I have hands AND magic to do that..."

"To help you send the letters to the Princess?"

Shit.

"Uh...i....I'm pretty sure I can learn to do that myself..." I said with false confidence. Twilight looked at me smugly, "And how exactly do you plan to do that?" She questioned. "Uh... Trial and error?" I said with a nervous smile. "Hmmm.... Have it your way, but I doubt the Princess will be amused if your letter ends up somewhere it shouldn't" she said with a giggle.


After that we fell silent as Spike's mind Raced."Well anyway now that Spike isn't trying to kill me with books..." I said, standing up and Rubbing my muzzle where I was hit. Twilight suddenly went wide eyed, I Guess she didn't pay attention to what Spike was actually throwing at me. "Spike! You were throwing BOOKS at him! My dictionary of all things? Clean this mess up!" Twilight blurted out. Spike sighed sadly and started picking up the shit he threw at me, that's what you get you little shit! " Hey Twilight, I'm kinda sweaty right now, can I use your shower?" I ask as I sniffed myself and scrunched my nose up in disgust. "Sure DJ! It's right upstairs and down the hall." She said kindly. I nodded and went up the stairs. Like she said it was literally right down the hall.

Twilight's bathroom may not be as fancy as the canterlot guest bathrooms, but i say it's still pretty nice. Twilight had one of those combination Bathtub/showers, I stepped in it sheepishly. Let's see here... I'm not using their stuff, because that would be nasty. So I conjured up some soap, a washcloth and a towel  for myself. The shower was pretty much like any Human shower, it had nobs for Hot and cold, and a switch for the shower head. From there it was just your average shower... Except Washing myself is a bit harder than I thought because I have fur now. You know...its funny how I'm OK with being naked as a pony... It's probably just a mental thing.... Anyway, i had something very important to consider. Those two downstairs are my new roommates. So i probably shouldn't be a dick to them anymore, especially Twilight, because she is nice enough to let me stay here. I think I can get along with her as long as she doesn't freak out about books too much. Spike on the other hand... I don't think we'll get along at all, he doesn't like me and I don't like him, I think I'll just avoid him from now on. As far as Twilight and her friends go, for the most part they are going to stay HER friends and not mine. I don't plan to tell them who I really am either, except maybe Applejack because according to Mac she can see through lies. Regarding my "assignment" I have no idea how many friends I'm actually supposed to make, but I'm sure not befriending the WHOLE Town regardless of what Celestia says. Another problem will be how exactly I'm supposed go about making friends in the first place. I can't walk around saying "Oh hi I'm Dawning jade, be my Friend. K, bai" I'm gonna need some kind of excuse to meet people.

I realized I've been standing in the shower a bit longer than I'm used too so I decided to hop out. I dried myself off, brushed my teeth with a toothbrush I conjured up, and came back downstairs feeling refreshed and kinda happy. I came down to the wonderful aroma of pancakes, and my stomach growled violently. I walked into the kitchen area where Twilight and Spike were chomping away on soft fluffy pancakes. "Come and eat Derrick!" Twilight called out as she motioned to a Third plate of pancakes. I happily sat down and started eating, "Holy shit these are amazing! Thanks Twilight!" I said as I stuffed a delicious pancake in my mouth. "Don't thank me, thank Spike! He's the one who made them!" Twilight said as she pointed a hoof at the dragon. "Wait... Spike made these?!?" I blurted aloud. The dragon smirked and nodded, "Damn you did a good job dude" I praised as I stuffed my face again. Spike looked surprised, I guess he didn't expect so much praise from me. He may be a prick but he can make some killer pancakes! He smiled and continued to eat.

"Oh no I forgot!" Twilight suddenly blurted as she slammed her hoofs on the table. "Forgot what?" I asked curiously. "I volunteered  to give Miss Cheerilee's class a Lecture on Magic!" she said franticly. She started zipping around the house, gathering her things. Spike and I looked really confused as she zipped in front of us. "DJ, Spike, can you do me a favor?" She asked quickly as she wrote something fast on a scroll. "Uh...yea-" I started to say. "Good! I need you two to run a few errands while I'm Gone, here's the list!" She said as she shoved a scroll into my face. "Yeah we can but i-" I began. "Oh and here are some bits to use!" Twilight said as she tossed a small sack of bits onto the table. "Thank you so much! It shouldn't take too long, it is a small list after all. Come meet me at the school house when your done!" She said as she galloped out the door, and slammed it leaving Spike and I completely baffled.

...

"What the hell just happened?" I said, scratching my head in confusion. "Twilight was almost late to being 2 hours early to something..." Spike muttered. "Does she always react like this?" I ask as I unfolded the list. " Yeah pretty much, she goes crazy if anything interferes with her schedule... " Spike said with a chuckle. " Heh well she does seem hyper organized... " I muttered as I finished my Pancakes. "Here I'll take your plate..." Spike said as he rushed over to me. "Nah, i got it..." I said as I Lifted all three Empty Plates in the sink with my Magic. "Thanks DJ! I'll uh... Start washing them now..." Spike said as he started walking over to the sink. "Holy shit slow down with the assisting Spike! We can wash them later, just come here!" I said with irritation. "I don't have to Wash the dishes?" Spike said with wide eyes. "Nope, maybe later, just come here!" I motioned with a hoof. He did as I asked and came over to me. "Check out this list, where are we supposed to go?" I asked as I showed him the list, He looked over it for a moment:

Things to do:
Get buttons
Buy some food
Help fluttershy

"Oh this is easy stuff, we can have it done in no time!" Spike said as he waved it off confidentiality. "Yeah... Maybe... If I Knew where the fuck to buy buttons from, or where to get food.." I said flatly. "And what about this? I don't know anything about Fluttershy, how the hell am I supposed to help her?" I said, slamming the paper down in frustration.
Spike just laughed and grabbed the list again. "That's where I come in! I've done this stuff plenty of times with Twilight!" Spike said proudly. "Oh really now?" I said with a raised brow.

"Yup! First of all, we can get Buttons at The Carousel Boutique." Spike said cheerfully. Wait a sec... That's Rarity's place right? FUCK! "Then we can pick up some food from Sugarcube corner..." Wait... That's where I got ambushed by the town and the pink terror... DOUBLE FUCK! " Or we can get some of Applejack's apple based foods at her farm..." Oh that won't be so bad... Unless Applejack can see through my lies... TRIPLE FUCK! "And finally we help Fluttershy take care of some of her animals!" Wait that's what Fluttershy does? She's a vet or something? Well that's a problem because I've always had bad luck around animals, they just tend not to like me for some reason so... QUADRUPLE- wait... You know what? ALL THE FUCKS! Today is going to suck so bad...

"Today's going to be so Awesome!" Spike blurted out, jumping up excitedly. "Look I appreciate your enthusiasm, but we need to keep a low profile out there..." I said sternly. Spike's mood deflated instantly. "Aww...why?" He asked, poking his lip out. "Nobody can find out who I really am and that I have chaos magic now..." I said with a shake of my head. Spike raised his brow "Something tells me that's not the only reason..." He said, eyeing me suspiciously. "Uh... What do you mean?" I question Innocently. "Worried about the season aren't you?" Spike questioned with a sly grin. "What...how did you... Yes.." I admitted.

"Yeah, all the stallions get antzy around this time, mating season lasts a lot longer for ponies..." Spike said with a shake of his head. "How much longer?" I wondered, getting wide eyed. "Um like... 2-3 months? I think..." Spike said with uncertainty. "WHAT?!?" I yelled out. "Hey don't worry! its only at it's peek for like a week!" Spike assured. "A week?!? That's a week of my life I'll have to spend running!" I said as I started pacing nervously. This is bad... Really bad... 3 fucking months? It can't really be that long right? Wait a second... "How the hell do you know this? Your a dragon!" I question suspiciously. "All it takes is boredom, curiosity and a ton of books..." Spike said with a deadpan expression. "Yeah but aren't you still... A baby? You're too young to know this stuff!" I said with a frown. "Yeah by pony standards, yes I'm a baby, but dragons grow fast! I'm more like a teenager!" Spike said confidently, heh... He sure doesn't act like on. "Sure you are pipsqueak..." I muttered in disbelief. "Grr... One day you'll see! I'll be taller than you DJ!" He said, angrily pointing a claw at me. "Whatever you say Spike...let's get this list over with..." I said as I stretched and walked to the door. "Hey wait for me DJ! Spike said as he clamored over to me. " Hey you're supposed to call me Dawning Jade remember? " I said sternly. "Yeah yeah I gotcha dawn..." Spike muttered.

I opened the door with my magic and stepped out. Spike locked it with a key and we started to walk. Then the little shit hopped onto my back... The fuck? I stopped walking and stared back at him, he looked at me like nothing happened.

"Hey do I look like a goddamn horse to you?"

"Yes..."

I deadpanned and turned back, "Fucking smartass..." I grumbled as we started walking. "Alright Sugarcube corner is the closest..." Spike started "Hell no! Were not going there, all the places we need to go will be empty because I know Pinkie is going to throw me a party..." I said with a shudder. Spike folded his arms and pouted. "Fine then... where do you want to go first?" He asked with a huff.

"Fluttershy first... Helping her with the animals could take a while..." I said with a shrug. "OK... But that's on the other side of town..." Spike complained. "Hey you're not even the one walking! Besides I have a plan..." I said as I walked to an area where I wouldn't be seen. "Wait what are you doing?" Spike questioned. "Let me introduce you to my friend.. Drift Jolt!" I said with a smug grin as I transformed into a Pegasus. "Cool..." Spike said in awe. "Alright hold on tight and get ready to give me directions..." I said as I bent my knees. "OK but i-WOOOAH!!!!" Spike screamed as I took off into the air. Woah.. I'm faster than I remember... I think I'm getting stronger...

...

Ahh... I've always enjoyed a nice nap on a cloud, I've had my eyes on this one for a while now! It looks a lot fluffier than the rest of them... And I was right! Yep this cloud is 20% cooler than that one! I don't think Twilights back yet so I don't have any Plans today. I laid down with a heavy satisfied breath and was about to fall asleep, when I heard something... Something fast! About time someone with some speed came around... I think I've beaten everypony around her in a race already. I opened My eyes and looked above me towards the sound. What I saw was... Interesting...

I saw this REALLY Hot Guy flying by... Fast! Now not faster than Me mind you, because nopony is that awesome. But he's certainly faster than the average Pegasus guy I see around here. Gosh... He's really cute... And fast! He could be the challenge I've been waiting for! And the season is coming up... Wait never mind that... It looks like something is on his back. Is that....is that SPIKE? What the hay? What's Spike doing with that guy? He looks hilarious clinging on for his life like that, but seriously... who is this guy? I have to find out! But this cloud is so awesome... No! I can nap Later, this is way more interesting!

I finally decided to go after him to see where he's going with Spike. Boy... this guy is fast! And Hot! Wait... I said that already... Anyway he may be fast, but it wasn't too hard to catch up with him. I flew behind him high in the air and far enough so he wouldn't hear or see me, and followed him. It looked like he was heading To Fluttershy's place because I saw Spike point to her house, then the guy started to fly lower. Gosh... He's hot... And fast... I wonder if he's a Wonderbolt? If he is than I'll kill Spike for not telling me one of his friends is a Wonderbolt!

OK... that guy landed at Fluttershy's, I wonder what he's doing there? Dropping off Spike? Or maybe... NO WAY! What if that's Fluttershy's special somepony? She has been acting funny lately, then suddenly this Hottie shows up at her house? Grr... That's not fair! I'm way more awesome than her! Hey wait a second... Where did that guy go? He was just there a second ago!!! Now there's just Spike and some Unicorn Guy... Hmm he's also a Hottie, but that Pegasus guy just disappeared! Hey... Wait a sec.... That Unicorn looks kinda like that Pegasus Hottie... I wonder if they're.... Na that's impossible! I think I had too much cider yesterday... I could be seeing things... Either way something is definitely fishy around here... I'm going to keep watching.

...

"Please for the love of Celestia, never do that again..." Spike said as he finally stopped clinging to me. "Come on don't be such a wuss! It wasn't that bad..." I muttured with a chuckle. Spike slid off of me and rolled onto his back. "Ugh... I think I'm going to be sick..." He said as he rubbed his stomach. "Come on Spike you'll be fine." I said as he finally stood up. "Remember our cover story... You're doing the talking.." I reminded as we started walking to her door."I still think it'll be hard to keep a low Profile when your hanging with the only Dragon in ponyville.." He muttered. "Maybe..." I said with irritation "Hey do you think anypony will notice that your pony forms look similar?" Spike wondered aloud.

"Or that you all sound the same..."

"Shut up spike.."

"Or that your Pony names start with the same letter..."

"Shut up spike..."

"Or that you're never seen next to each other..."

"SHUT UP SPIKE!" I blurted in annoyance. "Heh sorry... Just saying" He said as he knocked on Fluttershy's door. It took a few seconds but she actually answered this time. "Hey there Spike and-YIPE!!" Fluttershy said as she slammed the door in our faces after seeing me. *sigh* I knew this shit was going to happen... "Fluttershy! We came to help with the animals!" Spike called out through the door. "Um...Fluttershy isn't home right now, please come back later." She said nervously through the door. Really? She thinks that shit will work?
" Pretty sure we just saw you Fluttershy... And I'd recognize that voice anywhere..." Spike said with a deadpan expression. "Oh that wasn't Fluttershy... That was somepony else..." She said in a fake manly voice, hearing her immitate a guy's voice was absolutely adorable... But we have shit to do, so she needs to open the damn door...

"Look do you want our help or not? Because we can just LEAVE you know..." I started to say. Suddenly the door flew open to reveal Fluttershy hiding behind her hair. "Um come in...uh if you want...." She said awkwardly. At that point I kinda just barged in and Spike followed. Fluttershy nervously closed the door with a blush. Holy motherfucking shit there are animals EVERYWHERE!!! On the Floor...on the furniture...on the walls... Even on the fucking ceiling! Hell there were even animals coming out of Fluttershy's hair! They were assorted small furry creatures, reptiles and birds. Wow... its like what would happen if Petco let all their pets out at the same time and they ran around the store... Except nothing is trying to eat each other...

"Alright what needs to be done?" I ask, simply ready to get the hell out already. "Well um....all the animals... Need to be fed... Their food is in the kitchen-" "I'm on it..." I interrupted as I immediately walked into the kitchen. All the foods where separated into their proper servings and labeled with what animal they go too. This couldn't be a simpler job, why does she need help with this? Wait... I guess it could be hard without magic to distribute the food. Like I said it was simple I just plopped the foods in front of the respective animal right? Well it WAS simple... until I looked closer at the labels, all of them had animal names on them, not their actual species... Well fuck....

"Who is cuddles?" I muttered aloud in frustration as I stared at all the labels with dred. Then this little hamster ran up to me and looked up. Woah he can understand me? That's freaky! Wait... I'm a fucking talking magical unicorn pony right now... I can't call HIM freaky. "Are you cuddles?" I asked and the hamster nodded. So i just plopped the food in front of him and he ate happily. Huh... Well this will be easy then. I basically did that to the rest of them while Spike and Fluttershy were off helping some other animals I guess.

"Spike? Who is that guy?" Fluttershy whispered into Spike's ear. "That's Dawning Jade! He's moved in with Twilight and I from Canterlot! they're going to study Magic together." Spike whispered back. "Oh that's nice..." Fluttershy said with a nervous smile.

Feeding the animals was going pretty well! I was about to take back what I said about them when I got to a bowl of carrots that was labeled "Angel". I called the name out and this bunny came up to me. But something was off... The bunny didn't leave after it got it's food, it just stared at me. It looked like it was... Frowning? The hell is it's problem? Suddenly it picked up the carrots and started throwing them at me like Darts. "Hey! Stop that!" I yelled out as one hit me in the eye making me stumble back, bumping into a shelf. I made a jar fall over and open above my head. "Angel! That is not how you treat guests!" Fluttershy said to the rabbit sternly, well as sternly as she could get anyway. "Do that again and you'll be in time out mister!" She scolded. The rabbit seemed to roll it's eyes and stormed off with it's remaining carrots.

"Stupid rabbit..." I muttered under my breath as I rubbed my eye in pain, that rabbit has some killer aim, let's hope he doesn't get His paws on some knifes... Or I'll be fucked. That defensive magic Shining talked about would have come in handy today, I'm going to take him up on that offer soon...

"Aww.... Greg got out of his jar..." Fluttershy said as she looked above me sadly, I forgot about the jar... I wonder what was in it... Whatever it is, it's probably on my head right now. I bet it's just a frog or something no big deal...

...

*breathing intensifies*

A BIG ASS SPIDER started walking across my fucking FACE!!! I immediately froze as it's legs carefully traversed my muzzle. I'm...I'm...fucking dead... Today is the day I fucking die! My funeral fucking approaches today. My life is fucking doomed... End of the fucking road... It's going to eat me alive! I emitted this high pitched squeal as it walked. Spike froze too, only making me feel worse about the monster on my face.

"Get... it... off..." I whispered. I determined I'm going to have to terminate this thing maliciously.

"What was that?" Fluttershy struggling to hear me.

"You need to get it off Fluttershy..." I said as I charged my magic, this nope is about to die... even if I toast my muzzle and half of this house in the process.

"Right.... now.... or....this room won't survive the blast..." I said as calmly as possible. Fluttershy complied and stuck her hoof out. the spider slowly crawled from my muzzle onto her hoof. HOW... THE... HELL... IS... SHE... SO... CALM!?! I screamed in my head. She gently kissed the spider on it's head and returned it to the jar. I let out a heavy breath and started panting. "Mister Dawn, are you OK?" Fluttershy asked kindly as she inspected my eye. I couldn't speak... I was seeing my life flash by a few seconds ago, I was sure these were my last few minutes in Equestria. The worst part is Fluttershy doesn't understand this... She's still talking about my eye... She doesn't realize she just kissed the Devil... "Oh I'm so sorry! Angel has been a little cranky..." She said. "It won't happen again I promise..." She assured as she looked into my eyes. I really want her to Promise that She'll drop a nuke on that abomination sitting in that fucking jar on the shelf but... Woah... Something about her I so....Peaceful... Like I'm not even scared anymore... Even though a spider crawled across my face...

After a while, Fluttershy yelped and hid behind her hair again "Oh I'm sorry... its not polite to stare..." She said with a nervous smile. "Oh its fine..." I said as I snapped out of my trance. "Well you can leave now if you want... I can handle the rest... Thank you for your help Dawning Jade..." Fluttershy said nervously. I just nodded and turned to Spike "Let's go!" I called out to him. "Right! See ya Fluttershy!" Spike said as he jumped onto my back. We walked out and I closed the door with my magic.

We walked in complete Silence for a while until I eventually stopped. "You almost lost your life back there dude..." Spike said with relief. "I'm totally going to have nightmares for the rest of my life..." I muttered blankly. " How can she stand the sight of that thing?" I questioned, completely clueless. " Fluttershy loves pretty much all animals and creatures... Even if they come from the very Depths of Tartarus." Spike said with a shudder. Hmm Tartarus? That sounds like Hell... That seems fitting for that demon in the Jar. I am never going in her house again...

"Alright where are we going now?" Spike wondered. "Let's go ahead and get those buttons from Rarity ..." I said with a shrug. Spike jumped up with excitement "Woo! I mean....OK..." He said nervously. I shook my head and we headed out toward Rarity's. "So... How come you're so happy to go to Rarity's?" I asked out of the blue. "Oh I uh...I..." Spike stuttered nervously. "Ha! Don't tell me you have a crush on a pony..." I said with a laugh. He sat there looking away in embarrassment. "No...maybe....a little... Yes..." He sputtered. "Hey... Don't you think that's a bit weird? A dragon... And a pony... Together?" I muttered, that would be a weird couple now that I think about it. "Well I suppose it's OK since your both sapient..." I said with a shrug. Spike started to frown at me. "What?" I questioned nervously. "If that's the case, then why don't YOU date a pony?" He said sternly... Well shit... "Because.... Um....I can't..." I said, unable to find the words. "How come its 'OK' for me but not OK for you... I mean you ARE a pony right now anyway..." Spike demanded. I just sat there blankly, I haven't thought about this too hard to be honest. "You know what Spike... I don't know... It's just wrong..." I said with a shake of my head. "Why?" He asked curiously. "It just is... Shut up and give me directions..." I said, in aggrivation as we walked to Rarity's.

...

A blue Rainbow haired Pegasus exploded from a nearby cloud and landed at Fluttershy's doorstep. "Fluttershy! Open up Quick! I need to ask you something!" Rainbow yelled as she rapidly knocked on Fluttershy's door. Fluttershy cracked the door open not even half an inch before almost getting tackled by Rainbow Dash. "Who is He?!?" The Rainbow mare questioned right away. "Who?" Fluttershy asked innocently. "That Hot Black and White Pegasus!" Rainbow Blurted. Fluttershy thought for a second before answering "Well... I haven't seen a Black and White Pegasus, sorry..." Fluttershy stated. "Darn... I thought maybe he was in here somewhere... I guess I was seeing things... Maybe.." Rainbow dash said with a sigh.

"Hmm... What about that cute Unicorn Guy? What did he want here?" Rainbow asked with some hope. "Oh....him? Uh...He moved in from canterlot to study magic with Twilight, he and Spike are helping Twilight with some errands right now..." Fluttershy explained. Rainbow dash nodded then rubbed her chin. "I wonder where else he's going... Come on let's follow him!!" Rainbow Dash said with determination. "Oh heavens no... I'm sure Dawning Jade wouldn't like it if we were ease dropping-yipe!" Fluttershy was dragged out of her house by Rainbow Dash. After some begging the Two mares took off into the sky.

"They can't be far... Come on! If we hurry we can catch up to them!" Rainbow called out to her shy friend. "I'm not sure if we should be doing this Rain-" Rainbow dash grumbled and rolled her eyes. "Oh come on Shy! Don't pretend you don't want to know where that hottie is going!" Rainbow Dash interrupted with a smug grin. Fluttershy played with her hoofs nervously and blushed "Well....I....um...don't..really..." She started. "Look there he is!" Rainbow exclaimed, as she pointed to the black and white Stallion. Fluttershy swallowed nervously as the mares hid behind a nearby cloud and watched.

...

"Hey Spike, can you just run inside and get the buttons? I don't feel like doing awkward greetings..." I asked sheepishly. "OK... but I'm pretty sure Rarity will want to meet you..." Spike said with uncertainty. "Yeah that's what I'm afraid of..." I said nervously. "Sheesh Dawn... You're such a drag sometimes..." Spike said as he knocked on the door. I snorted angrily and stood on the porch where she wouldn't be able to see me from the door.
Rarity opened the door and smiled. "Hello Spike! What brings you to my door today?" She said as she bent down and Nuzzled his cheek. "Oh....uh....I....need some buttons for Twilight....." Spike said nervously. Dammit man! Hurry! "Certainly! come in and we can browse my inventory..." Rarity said with a giggle as they walked in and shut the door. OK this can go smoothly... Spike gets the buttons... No awkward introductions... Then we go get some food... Yup Spike should be done any second now right? Any second now... Hey... What's that sound?

*swoosh*

...

Shit, not these two! Rainbow Dash landed a few feet away, followed by Fluttershy. Why the fuck are they here? Damn here they come! Act normal... "Hey you!" Rainbow called out as they walked up, Dash looked really giddy for some reason. "Um...hi Dawning Jade..." Fluttershy said with a nervous smile. I gave her a nod then turned to Rainbow "Um... do I know you?" I asked with a raised brow. Rainbow looked somewhat offended, maybe she's surprised that her "fans" haven't spread her name enough or something. "Me? I Am the One and only Rainbow Dash! The fastest flyer in Equestria!" She said proudly as she got into this "cool" pose. "OK then... You're here because-" I started. "I'm here because there was a Pegasus who looks like you zipping around the sky, have you seen him?" She asked as she narrowed her eyes. I played innocent and shook my head. "He DID look a lot like you..." I smiled nervously as she slowly stepped closer. "That Guy also had Spike with him... Then he suddenly disappeared, and there YOU were with Spike!" She said stepping closer to me. FUCK! she saw me! She hasn't figured it out yet luckily... I hope...

"Yeah... That is pretty weird..." I muttered with a nervous smile. Rainbow Dash just stared in disbelief while Fluttershy was... Well... being Fluttershy and hiding behind something. "Well I don't know anything about the guy you're talking about... Maybe you imagined it?" I said with a cough. "Like buck I did! I know what I saw..." Rainbow said sternly. She got in my face and looked me in the eye. "I'm going to keep my eye on you... Don't try anything funny..." She said as she poked my chest. I was about to make a smartass comment but Rarity's door suddenly swung open, good Spike has the buttons and we can gooo-ooodammit! Rarity was at the door Staring at me with a kind smile.

"Oh my..... Are you the Gentlecolt that brought Spike over here?" She asked. "Uh... Yeah...i-" I began. "Oh please do come in Darling! You don't have to hide outside! I won't bite.." She said with a giggle. "No... Im fine out here.." I said sheepishly. "Oh I do insist! Spike and I are having Cake! Fluttershy And Rainbow Dash come join us as well!" She said, gesturing for us to come inside. Dammit she got me, cake would be great right now. So I nodded and walked inside followed by Rainbow and Fluttershy.

When I walked in I immediately noticed Spike looking at me nervously, I bet he told Rarity everything while I was outside. That little traitor! He was in the middle of a couch so I sat next to him. "You told her I was out there didn't you?" I whispered in his ear... Or whatever that thing on the side of his face was. "I swear I didn't! She just looked out the window randomly and saw you. Then she started squealing like a little girl and asking about you..." Spike explained. "Shoot.... Well... did you get the Buttons at least?" I asked with little hope. "No, she forgot all about them when she saw you..." Spike said with a deadpan expression. "Crap... Well...we need to get what we came for and get the hell..." Oh shit here they Come!

"I don't believe we've been introduced properly... I am " Rarity, owner of this fine establishment. " she said, pointing to herself. The other girls just watched in silence as we talked. "What is your name?" Rarity asked as she gave me a kind smile. "Oh...uh... I'm Dawning Jade..." I said plainly, there waava table in the center with cake so I used my magic to take a piece. "Oh what a fine name for such a fine Gentlecolt..." Rarity said with half lidded eyes. "Thanks?" I muttered as I shifted uncomfortably. "Spike has told me that you are now Twilight's colleague, and have moved in with her?" Rarity said, some of the kindness faded from her face when she asked that. I took an angry glance at Spike before smiling at Rarity "Yeah... I'm Celestia's new student, and I guess she Thought we would do better if we could study together..." I said with a fake smile. Rarity just nodded and I continued. "I just got here yesterday, so I won't be doing anything major for a while. Right now Spike and I are just Doing errands for Twilight." I said as I glance around. It looked like Rarity wasn't even paying attention anymore, she was just giving me this half Lidded smile, Rainbow Dash had a similar look and her wings were stretched out, and Fluttershy was completely flushed... I Leaned close to Spike "Help....Me..." I Whispered in his ear. He nodded and Cleared his throat.

"Look I don't mean to be rude but... I kinda need those buttons, so we can go. We still have errands to run..." He said, snapping the girls out of their Trance. "Oh...uh Yes! Right this way you Two!" Rarity said as she motioned for us to follow her. She walked over to one of her work tables and opened the drawer, To reveal a huge assortment of buttons. Some of them had all these crazy colors and fancy jewels and Gems embedded in them. "Shit! Twilight didn't tell us what kind of buttons to get or how many..." I said with a facehoof. Then I realized I fucked up by cursing in front of Rarity. "Well...that is...quite the interesting vocabulary..." Rarity said taken aback. "Uh yeah.... We'll Take those right there!" I said, swiftly changing the subject. Rarity tilted her head slightly "Are you sure you want THOSE awful things?" She questioned. She was talking about the plain Black circle buttons I picked out. "Yes... I don't see anything wrong with them..." I said with a shrug.

"Oh those are so simple and plain! It reminds me of that human and his tastes..." Rarity said as she narrowed her eyes slightly. Oh shit... Did she figure it out? "I Find it strange that Twilight left with the Human and came back with you... Speaking of Derrick... Do you know what happened to him?" Rarity asked. "Oh.. The Human? He uh... Stayed in canterlot..." I said nervously. "Hmm.... What a shame.... I made him a nice set of clothes too..." Rarity said as she pointed to a nearby wall that had 3 outfits on it. I have to say.. Those don't look too bad...

"OK then we'll take 10 of those black buttons, how much are they? I said as Spike tossed me the bag of bits. " Oh heavens no! I couldn't possibly make you pay for those dreadful things! Just take them as a welcome gift..." Rarity said with a kind smile. Now I like free stuff as much as the next guy, but after a while of not paying for things I start to feel... I don't know... Guilty? Especially if I have the money for it... Which reminds me... I need to repay Twilight and Celestia for all they've done for me. Especially Celestia... Who knows how much money she's spent on me so far, and she kinda saved me from being executed... And from ending up a pancake... Luna on the other hand, is going to get something unpleasant for her recent actions...

Spike grabbed the buttons and put them in his... What? He has a pouch? Well I'm just glad he didn't actually pull things out of his ass... Er... anyway we can go now. "Well I appreciate it Rarity but Spike and I have to go get some apple stuff, it was nice meeting all of you..." I said as I Magicked Spike onto my back and made it halfway to the door. "You're going to Applejack's? I'll come too! I'm getting some apple cider from her..." Rainbow claimed as she started to walk to the door. FUCK! "I need to pick up some carrots for Angel... Apples aren't the only things Applejack grows.." Fluttershy said nervously, as she walked over too. DOUBLE FUCK! "I haven't spoken with applejack in a while, I was planning to see her soon anyway..." Rarity said as she walked up. GODDAMMIT!!!

We all left the house at a brisk pace. "Dude how are we going to ditch them?" Spike whispered in my ear. "I don't know how, without coming off as a Dick..." I said with frustration. Behind me I heard Rainbow Dash and Rarity giggling about something. I glanced behind me and I saw them both blushing and gazing at me. "It is quite nice isn't it..." I heard Rarity say as they stared at my...Tail? Wait no that's not what they're looking at... What the hell are they... Oh damn! I Immediately slowed my walk so that I was next to them rather than in front. I feel kinda violated by their eyes right now...

It didn't take us long to get to Applejack's... At least I think so, I was too busy hearing Rainbow Dash talk about my "Sexy, Mysterious Pegasus double." I really need to be more carful about transforming in public... I don't want the whole town to know that I'm actually That human they were drooling at not too long ago. Although to be honest it doesn't seem like being a pony has made much difference in getting noticed, its worse here than it was in canterlot. I need to find out the details of the season from Mac so I can prepare.

We saw the farm house coming up and Mac was busy Applebucking, he stopped and smiled when he saw us. He waved to us and we walked up to him. "What's up Mac?" I said with a smirk. "Hey Dawn... I see you meet some of Twilight's friends..." He said as he looked at the girls behind me. "Yeah..." I said grumpily as I sank my Head slightly. "You Know Big Mac already?" Rainbow dash asked in surprise. "Yep... We hung out while he was in canterlot..." I said as Mac and I exchanged Glances. "We came to buy some food from you..." I stated simply. "Ma sister is in charge of that, she should be in the house..." Mac said as she Gestured to it. Then we all headed towards the house. The girls were walking a bit faster then the rest of us for some reason. They got to the house and knocked on the door, a few seconds later Applejack answered. "Howdy girls! It's good to see y'all.... Wait who in tarnation is that?" Applejack said as she Pointed to me, her eyes sparkling slightly. "Girl Talk...now!" Rarity said as they all crammed into the house and slammed the door.

...

"What do you Reckon they're Talking about?" Mac wondered. "Probably how sexy I am..." I joked getting Spike and Mac to laugh. Unfortunately for me I'm pretty sure that's what they're talking about, because they keep looking and pointing at me through the window, do they realize I can see them? Do they even care? "Well I guess my Human identity is safe for now..." I said with a shrug. "I wouldn't celebrate yet... You still haven't met up with Pinkie yet..." Spike reminded. "Ugh... Don't remind me..." I said as I facehoofed "Man I can't wait until today is over... I feel like I didn't sleep at all yesterday..." I said with a yawn. "Really? Why not?" Mac asked. "Because your girlfriend thought it was cool to make my nightmares repeat all night..." I said with an angry snort. Mac looked confused for a second "I don't have a girlfriend..." He said, looking at me like I was crazy.
"Uh... Princess Luna?" Spike and I said simultaneously. "She's not ma girlfriend..." Mac snapped with a frown. "Really? I thought you guys were kinda... You know..." I questioned with a nudge. "No! Like ah said... we are not really in a relationship. She can't accept that for some reason and she acts like we are! She's really.... clingy..." Mac said with a shudder. "Exactly... how clingy is she?" I asked. "Visits me every night in my room type clingy. It's hard for me to sleep at night, whenever she's always there tryin to talk to about my day, or telling me how her nights been. And don't get me started on her hugs! I'm always sore because of her squeezin me all the time! I can't work right if my muscles are sore!" He said with frustration as he bucked a tree and winced in pain. "It's just too much... She's too much, and I'm tried of it..." Mac explained with a sigh.

"Damn.." I muttered as I rubbed my chin. "Why don't you just tell her to stop?" I question, thinking that it's an obvious and easy choice. "Well I just can't bring myself to tell her... I'm afraid of what might happen afterwards... Also..." Mac trailed off. "Also?" I questioned "Also... She's still kinda a good catch... If you know what ah mean..." Mac said with a blush. "That may be true but from what you've said it sounds like she's not YOUR catch..." I said with a chuckle, woah wait a sec... Did I just agree that Luna is a good catch? Something is wrong with me.... I've been around to many mares recently... Maybe I don't..... Moving on now...

"I'd say just man up and tell her how you feel... She'll probably understand and leave you alone." I said with a shrug. "Tell her you want to see other mares or something..." Spike said. "But ah DO want to see other mares..." Mac admitted with irritation. "Like who?" I wondered. "Well....there IS this one mare..." Mac started with a blush.

...

"So let me get this straight... That Handsome feller over there moved in with Twilight?!?" Applejack questioned. "Yes indeed. That means that handsome fellow will be around for quite some time..." Rarity said with a nod. "Ha! that gives me plenty of time to get him before the season..." Rainbow muttered. Rarity scoffed "As if he would fall for somepony like YOU!" Rarity said in disbelief. "Oh really? I don't think he'd be into fashion and stuff!" Rainbow said with a laugh. "Once he sees That I'm 20% sexier, he will fall head over hoofs for me!" Rainbow said confidently. "I Think he'd prefer a mare with a little more CLASS!" Rarity said with a smirk. "Well ah think he would prefer a mare who works hard and isn't afraid to get dirt on her hoofs..." Applejack said with a sly grin. Rarity and Rainbow deadpanned and stared at her. She frowned and slammed her hoof down. "I bet That Cute feller out there would fall for ME before he'd fall for you two!" Applejack said with narrowed eyes. Rainbow Dash butted heads with Applejack "Oh you're ON farm girl!" She said angrily. "This is a ridiculous challenge... I accept..." Rarity said with a mischievous smile.

Rainbow Dash zipped up to Fluttershy, who was sitting farther than the others "What about you Fluttershy? You want to try and get a piece of the new guy?" Rainbow dash questioned. Fluttershy yelped and hid under a chair. Rarity dragged her from under it with her magic, and they all zipped to the window. "You don't like that cute face of his?" Rainbow questioned, "Or those powerful hind legs?" Applejack said."Or his amazing hair? I would love to style it..." Rarity added. They all glared at Fluttershy for the answer, but unknown to them, Fluttershy Wasn't looking at the Black and white Unicorn outside, nor the dragon on his back. But she was Really Looking at a certain Earthpony of the RED variety. "Um...I...uh..." Fluttershy stuttered. "Eh let's leave her alone before she faints..." Applejack said with a chuckle. The girls just continued to stare out of the window, the boys seemed to be talking about something quite engaging because they didn't notice they were being watched anymore.

The 3 mares sighed heavily and stared out the window half lidded. "Um... I think you girls may be forgetting something..." Fluttershy finally spoke up. "What?!?" They all said simultaneously. "Well... Remember that that guy came back with Twilight and is living with Twilight..." Fluttershy started. "And your point is?" Rainbow Dash asked impatiently. "Well...all I'm saying is that guy outside might already be taken..." Fluttershy whispered. All the girls gasped as they realized that Fluttershy could be right. Of course they don't know that Twilight likes somepony else... or that a Royal has an eye on him either...

"And I think it's unfair that you left Pinkie Pie out of this... She hasn't even met him yet..." Fluttershy added. "Pinkie? I don't think she's necessarily the type for romance..." Rarity said with uncertainty. "Yeah but neither am I, but I know a hunk of stallion when I see one..." Rainbow said as she glanced out the window again. "I ain't the type neither, ah don't know how Pinkie would react to the feller..." Applejack said as she rubbed her chin. "I believe it is only a matter of time before we find out... He is new here after all..." Rainbow said with a laugh. "And you KNOW what that means!" They all looked at each other with a smirk "PINKIE PARTY!" They said in unison.

...

"Yeah like I said though... You should definitely tell her how you feel... It's better than sitting there suffering in silence..." I said, with a serious tone. "Ah think you're right partner! I'm gonna tell her... Tonight!" Mac said with a nervous gulp. " Don't worry bro! She can only give you nightmares forever... " I said with a chuckle. "I hope that's not how she handles rejection..." Mac said with worry. "Well considering all I did was mess with her chair, I would prepare yourself mentally for how she might react. I'm sure you'll be fine though..." I said with a grin. "Well that sure gives me hope..." He said sarcastically.

"Hey they're finally coming out..." Spike said as he sat up. He got bored and fell asleep on my back while Mac and I talked. They all came out looking confident for some reason... Except Fluttershy... She was hiding behind them all. I noticed Applejack had this big box on her back, I wonder what's in it? As they walked up Applejack went right ahead and introduced herself. "Howdy there! Ma name is Applejack!" She said proudly as she almost broke my arm er... forehoof again. " Damn... it should be easier the second time..." I whispered to myself. "Anyhow... ma friends told me that you came to get get some food..." Apple jack said as she plopped the box down in front of me and opened it. "So here some of ma finest Pies and Ciders!" She said with a smirk. I looked inside and the sights and smells coming out of that box were heavenly. I took a deep whiff of it and sighed happily. "Wow... You can make a mean Pie Applejack..." I said, my mouth watering slightly. She looked back at the other girls victoriously as they Frowned in jealousy. Then I had a neutral expression as I asked the necessary. "So... How much does it cost?" I ask as Spike tossed me the bag of bits again. "Free of charge! Consider it a welcome gift from the apple family... And me..." She said with a warm smile. I really need to start paying for things...

"Well thanks...Applejack.." I said as I lifted the box with my magic effortlessly. "I think I should get going now..." I said as I started to turn. "Let's see if Twilight's done at the school house, it's near Sugarcube corner..." Spike said, tapping my back. " We'll see you ponies around I guess..." I said, giving a nod to the group. I started to walk down the trail back toward ponyville. " That went well..." Spike said with a laugh. "I Guess so..." I muttered with shrug. "I Think next time we should-" spike suddenly fell silent. "What? You think we should what?" I said as I turned my head.

...

"Oh hey there..." Rainbow Dash said as she smiled nervously, all the girls were following me. I stopped and turned around fully. "So...is there a reason you're all-" I started. "We all just want to see Twilight!" Rainbow blurted. "Yes we have very important things to discuss with her..." Rarity added. "We also need to Talk to Pinkie.." Applejack said as they shared nervous smiles. I just sighed and started walking again, I really hope mares following me won't become a trend...

After a few minutes we were at the school house and Twilight could be seen walking out of it, good just in time! "Hey Twilight!" I called out to her she looked over and smiled widely. "Hi Dawn!" She said as she ran up to me "So how did that lecture go?" I asked curiously. Twilight's smile faded immediately. "Oh it was terrible! Nopony bothered to Listen... They didn't care about the chemical Process that happens on the horn when a unicorn uses magic..." She said with disappointment. Then she smirked "at least until I... Demonstrated..." She said with a giggle. "Demonstrated?" I said, raising my brow, I hope she didn't blast them all with lasers, and leave them all as tiny piles of ash. "Shot a bunch of fireworks out of my horn... That got them interested!" Twilight said with a smirk. I just shook my head I wonder what the teacher thought of that.

"So how has your day been?" Twilight asked. "We're pretty much done with the errands..." I said gesturing to the Box and Buttons. Twilight was overjoyed, she hugged me Tightly. "Thank you so Much!" She said happily. You know... It's not so bad helping people... you get this warm feeling inside when you do... I can go without the hugs though... "So... What are the buttons for anyway? " I asked curiously." It's a surprise! " Twilight said. Then Twilight stopped hugging me when she noticed her friends behind me. "Hi Girls!" She said happily as she trotted up to them, They all had mixed looks. Rarity and Rainbow looked... Jealous? Applejack looked neutral, and As always Fluttershy was nervous. Before anyone said anything I heard a "boing" sound steadily getting louder, then none other then Pinkie Pie popped up from around the corner....shiiiiiiiiit...

"Hey everypony! Hope your all having a good-" she stopped when we made eye contact. Then in the blink of an eye she was eagerly bouncing around me. "Oh my gosh who are YOU? I'm Pinkamena Diane Pie! But you can call me Pinkie! Hey you're kinda cute! I've never seen you before, you must be new! Do you like parties? She blurted out so fast that it instantly gave me a headache. " Pinkie! give the Gentlecolt some space!" Rarity scolded. Pinkie backed off about an inch before disappearing down the street in a pink blur. We all blinked a few times completely dumbfounded. After about a minute of awkward staring, Rarity nudged Twilight "I believe that we must have a talk with you..." She mumbled. The other girls nodded in agreement then they dragged an unwilling Twilight away somewhere.

...

"Girls are fucking weird sometimes..."

"Agreed..."

"Well Dawn where too now?" Spike questioned. "Just lead us back to Twilight's place... I'm sick of carrying this shit around..." I said, gesturing to the box. So from there we walked To Twilight's. It was a pretty uneventful walk, Spike and I made small talk as I trotted along. I noticed that this little adventure as quelled the hate between us, we get along pretty well now.

"Woah... Where is everypony at?" Spike wondered as he scanned the streets. "Probably another Pinkie party..." I muttered with distaste. "Sweet! Pinkie throws the best parties!" Spike said with a fist pump. "Yeah maybe they're fun for you, but they're just awkward for me..." I said with a shake of my head. "I'm going to Twilight's and I'm not coming out... I'd rather not party today..." I said with determination. "Suit yourself... More cake for me..." Spike muttered. As he laid back.

A minute later we were in front of Twilight's place. Spike hopped off my back and stretched. "Man... that was some hard work..." He muttered with a yawn. "Hard work? You just sat on my back the whole time..." I said with a raised brow. "I was your map today dude! You would have been lost without me." He said, pointing to himself confidently. "Yeah whatever...I'm gonna charge bits for the next pony ride by the way..." I said jokingly. "Good! Then maybe you can afford a nice saddle! Your back isn't the softest surface ya know..." He said slyly. I stared at him for a few seconds, cheeky little bastard... "Shut up and open the door..." I muttered, this box was starting to get a little heavy now. Spike fished the key out of his pouch and unlocked the door. He opened it and walked in slowly. "Hurry up so I can bring the box in!" I snapped. Spike finally moved from the doorway and I dropped the box on the ground.

"Finally... That was some heavy shi-"

*BOOM*

I heard what sounded like a Cannon go off as a Cake, streamers, and all the other party items you can think of got splattered in my face. "Surprise!" Everyone Yelled. Another fucking Pinkie party... How wonderful... I wiped most of the cake from my face with an annoyed sigh. Then Pinkie zipped up to me "Do you like it? I call it my party Cannon! Pinkie said with her physics breaking smile. " Yes..." I said sarcastically making Pinkie bounce around happily, I don't even.... I can't...I have no words for this... Then she decided to violate my cheek by licking some cake off of it, then proceed to zip away. What.... just? You know what fuck it...

After that some music started up and everybody partied. There weren't as many ponies at this one because Twilight's tree can only hold so many. I saw Twilight and her main group over in one of the corners, it looked like they were all asking Twilight a million questions and she wouldn't budge. I figured it'd be best to avoid that for now. However... I see a drink stand! I'm all over that shit! I immediately maneuvered past the dancers toward it. Similar to last time the Stand was next to that DJ and her equipment. I spotted some shot glasses at the table and after making sure it wasn't that Golden Bud bullshit, I found myself forcing one down. I decided to enjoy myself instead of going in a corner this time around because hey why the hell not?. Heh I'll be ready to party after one or two more of these! I grabbed 4 and smiled mischievously. Using my magic I put two of them in a location in the house where they wouldn't be bothered, I'm going to use those later... I waited a minute before downing another shot... Woah... OK a bit stronger then I thought... But I've had worse... to be safe I'm putting that last one in the "later" pile, I can get shit faced later when everyone leaves, for now that should be enough to get me in the mood to party.

I scooted over to where the DJ was, she was bumping to what I call... I don't know party music? Techno? Whatever... But when she saw me she jumped slightly which made her move the record, making the song slow down for a second, luckily nobody seemed to notice at the time. "Whoa bro! You scared me there..." She said with a nervous grin. "Sorry..." I muttered with shrug. "So you're the new guy? Wow... your cuter than I thought... uh I mean... Yo! my names Vinyl Scratch!" She said nervously. "Sup... I'm Dawning Jade..." I muttered with a nod, I sat there just watching the party. "So... Are you going to be... Sticking around here?" Vinyl asked curiously, most of her nervousness hidden behind the shades, but a light blush was still visible. "Yeah pretty much.. I'm going to be calling ponyville home now..." I said with a chuckle. "You like it so far bro?" She asked. I thought for a second and nodded. "Good to hear..." She said with a smile.

"Well I'm gonna go mingle now... It was nice meeting you and stuff... Maybe we could hang and listen to your tunes one day or something..." I said with a wink. "Oh....uh... OK see ya Dawn!" She said with a nervous blush. After that the rest of the party became a blur, I think I remember getting yelled at by a purple unicorn for breaking something and cutting myself... And I may or may not have tried to kill a fly with lasers... Not sure. After a while people cleared out, cleaned up and left. Spike was sweeping up some streamers off the floor but besides that, there weren't any crazy party messes to clean. Twilight and Spike said their good nights and went upstairs and I was left sitting on the couch reflecting. Hey... I did cut myself... I have this bandage on my left forehoof... Heh it kind of stings... That's fuckin awwwwesome!

Talking with ponies isn't so bad really... Making friends shouldn't be too hard. I realized that if I didn't have this assignment I would have been completely aimless. I wouldn't know what the hell to do with myself, surrounded by all these ponies. I need to thank Celestia for that later.. Anyway it's drink time! I planned this all out already, I saw this sweet balcony somewhere upstairs. I'm going to bring a small couch up there and take that stash of drinks and just chill on that balcony until I pass out! Because of magic being convenient as shit It only took a minute to get set up.

There was still SOME alcohol in my system so for now I don't need the drinks... Well... One won't hurt... I forced another shot down and the drunkness hit me again like a warm wave of fuck... Wait.. He he.... What's a warm wave of fuck? I feel a little wobbly... but I think I'll be OK.. Oh look a telescope! Sweet... I didn't know Twilight had one of these... I wonder if I'll recognize any constellations... Nope... Nope... Nadda... No way.....hmm maybe... Na... This sky is different in Equestria. I kept looking in the sky until I saw something moving... Is that a flying horse? Hah I'm seeing shit....flying horses aren't real....... Wait... They do have flying horses er, ponies here right? Heh... I forgot I'm a flying horse.... Who is that? I can't tell... Whoever it is they're heading this way! Good... We can share drinks... Ahahahah!

A few seconds later Princess Luna landed gracefully on the balcony. "Oh god my balls!" I yelped as I tried to jump of the balcony, but I was caught in that familier blue Aura. Luna brought me to her and plopped me on the couch. "I mean you no harm Dawning Jade... Dawn... She said calmly. I looked at her in surprise something seems different about her... I'm to drunk to put my finger er hoof on it. " We have... *sigh* I have come simply to apologize... " Luna said with her head down slightly. "Okie dokie..." I said as I folded my front hoofs comically and snickered to myself. Luna raised her brow at my strange behavior but continued. "I apologize for leaving you with that very... disturbing nightmare..." She said sincerely. "Apology accepted, now give me a hug..." I said with a slur. "I understand if you are still upset but.... Wait what?" Luna said as her eyes widened. I stood up with determination "Hugs... now!" I repeated. Luna just stared at me in confusion, she didn't budge so I just went right up to her and hugged her. At first she was about to push me away and fly off but she calmed down slightly, she's still on edge about something I think....I don't know.

"There... isn't that better?" I said with a cheerful smile. Luna just looked away in embarrassment "...I didn't expect you to forgive me so quickly...." She admitted as she shifted uncomfortably. She sniffed the air... Then she glared at me suspiciously. "Are...are you intoxicated?" She asked worriedly. "No...No...I'm just happy to see you..." I said as I took a shot. " OK... maybe a little... " I said as I started giggling like an idiot. I offered the other shot to her "No I don't consume alcohol... I get somewhat... unpleasant and destructive if I do..." Luna said with a nervous grin. I just shrugged "More for me!" I said as I downed the other shot and shook my head vigorously.

She started to examine me closer now... And she noticed my cut. "Derrick!" You are injured!" Luna blurted as she grabbed my foreleg with concern. "No... I got that awesome thing from a glass table..." I muttered with a laugh. "What did you do, Tackle it?" Luna said as she ripped the bandage off with a frown. "No...it looked at me funny.... so i hugged it..." I stated as my head swayed back. "Hmm... I see.... perhaps you hugged it too hard don't you think?" Luna said sarcastically as she healed the cut. "I'm alive" I said as I stumbled back a few steps.

"Are you... OK? Why did you consume so much alcohol?" Luna asked as she took a step towards me. I plopped on the couch and chuckled. "Yeah I'm fucking wonderful!! I kept telling myself... one more won't hurt.... then I ended up here.. Some people say I talk too much when I'm drunk but, they're just a bunch of shit bags! Haha! Drinking makes me HAPPY! But enough about me... the real question is.... ARE YOU OK?" I said with a silly grin. Luna shifted again and looked away "I'm... fine..." She said with uncertainty. "Oh really? You don't seem that *Hiccup* fine to me..." I said with narrowed eyes. Then I stood up and walked to her slowly. "First of all... You're apologizing... To me..." I said with a step. "I overdid your nightmare... And I've done it in the past..." Luna said with a nervous smile. "Then you dropped the old English..." I said with another step. "We have.... I've been meaning to 'drop' the old English anyway for some time..." Luna said, getting more uncomfortable. "And then all of a sudden you're so...tense... And you have wings..." I said with another step. Luna began looking uneasy "I...I'm not tense...and... I've always had wings!" She said as she looked away again. "Just tell me what the problem is..." I said as I sat down in front of her, my head swaying due to drunken confusion. "You should really get to bed..." Luna said, in an effort to change the subject. She looked like she was about to spill.

"Oh sleep? I Don't need that thing..." I said casually with a chuckle. Luna just tilted her head slightly and sighed. "You're probably too intoxicated to even care..." Luna said as she took a deep breath. "Go on...." I encouraged. "Well the truth.... is I am not OK... I just found out my Mackintosh wants to see other mares!" Luna blurted as she burst into tears. now I may be super drunk right now but... that honesty hurt me... A lot... You know Why? Because I'm the one that told him to dump her.

I stood up slowly and carefully walked too her, I mean I have to do something right? I just wrapped my hoof around her as she cried. Fuck... This is my damn fault... But he had to tell her right? No... I... I shouldn't have interfered... I should have kept my mouth shut... Dammit... Well I can make her feel better!

Luna stopped crying and looked at me I gave her the kindest smile I could muster being drunk and all. "Thank you Derr-" she started to say but then I had a brilliant plan! I leaned forward and kissed her. Her eyes immediately shot open and she was about to throw me off and jump back but.... she didn't... Something stopped her. So she just melted into the kiss and closed her eyes. The moment seemed to last forever until Derrick dry kingly passed out on the floor with a silly smile on his face.

Luna sat there frozen at a loss as to what to do her heart and mind raced. Why did I let him do that? Did he enjoy that? Did I? Or was I just caught in the moment? Did he just show me his true feelings? Or was it just stupid drunk judgment on his part? This is very confusing... I was simply flying home after that terrible news... Then something urged me to come here... Ever since we touched horns... I find myself thinking about him...I feel drawn to him... I don't understand... My thoughts were interrupted by Derrick mumbling in his sleep. "Heheh....pretty ponies....." He muttered. OK.....

He probably only did this because of his intoxication, he will probably be upset when he remembers this... HOPEFULLY he'll be too hung over to remember this moment... I should probably go before I'm spotted up here. So I used my magic to place him on the couch. Perhaps he IS changing... Some ponies show their true colors when they're drunk. And that WAS a nice kiss... Wait who am I kidding? I just hope he never remembers this moment... ever!

> Act 3 part 2: A Looong Day
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

3 part 2: A Looong Day

So... What exactly happened last night? I barely remember yesterday... I drank... Then I partied.... Then I... Huh... I can't remember.... I got pretty hammered yesterday, I'm surprised I don't have a headache...aaaaaaaand there it is... Ow... Why do I keep doing this to myself? I mean... for fuck's sake I'm on Twilight's fucking balcony for crying out loud! Only God knows the crazy shit I did while I was drunk. I tend to say and do things that I should probably keep to myself. The worst part is, I feel like i did something REALLY BAD yesterday... But I can't remember what. Eh, it'll come back to me sooner or later.

Well, it's still early... Let me move the couch back downstairs before Twilight flips a shit. I tried to lift it with magic, but I couldn't focus enough, so it ended up falling to the floor again. Dang it, I can't move things with this headache! Great. Well, I guess this couch is staying up here... Wait; I can probably just carry the danm thing down. Hopefully I can still change forms even with this massive headache. Yep. I'm pretty sure I normally wouldn't have been able to move this couch but coming to Equestria has made my body stronger for some reason, so I was able to carry it back to it's original spot.

I changed back into a unicorn and hopped back onto the couch. I should probably use that money Celestia gave me to buy a bed... Maybe I'll find a shop around here later this week if I'm bored, I'll add it to my "I'm lazy, not now list". Speaking of later, I was thinking about taking a little trip in my Pegasus form, not really anywhere in particular, just a little joy flight. I couldn't go my full speed earlier with Spike clinging onto my back, otherwise he would have fallen, and they would have to scrape his scaled remains off the floor. I'm curious how fast I can REALLY go, so I'll probably explore around and let lose, it feels great to fly! But for now I'm not moving a muscle until this fucking headache of mine is gone. Some peace and quiet should help it go away. Yep... just take a little nap and you'll be-"Good morning! " Twilight said excitedly as she walked downstairs. Fuck. So much for quiet.

"Did you sleep well? You were acting a bit... strange yesterday..." She said with a nervous smile. "I slept OK, but I have a headache.... Wait. How strange?" I said raising my brow. "Well first of all you hospitalized Vinyl Scratch..." Twilight said. "WHAT!?! The DJ pony? How the hell did I do that?" I yelled."You shot a Laser that ricocheted off a mirror and hit her horn... " Twilight said with a deadpan expression. No no no! Fuck! I didn't realize I was that wasted! "If you have time today I would visit her in the hospital, she's fine from what I hear but it'll take a while to heal." Twilight suggested. Well shit... Change of plans. "You also kissed Rarity on the cheek and she fainted..." Twilight said with amusement. "Oh, fuck my life..." I said bringing my hoof to my face. Now I have no clue what possesed me to do something like that... Well at least I didn't straight up make out with her right? "Then you hugged my glass table so hard that it shattered." Twilight said with little amusement. "That reminds me; I have to heal that cut you got from the table. I was way too tired to do it yesterday..." Twilight said as she grabbed my left foreleg.
"Huh?" Twilight said in confusion, as her eyes darted around my leg. "What cut?" I said as she continued to look. "This is strange. There is no way it healed that fast... Somepony must have healed you, and it wasn't me...." Twilight said, completely perplexed. I wonder who it was? I don't really know anyone... Maybe Luna popped up at night again and healed me? Nah, she hates my fucking guts, why would she even visit me of all people anyway?

"Well regardless I can still do this..." Twilight said as she zapped my head. It started to hurt even more and my eyes crossed. "What the fuck, Twilight!" I yelled as I staggered back. "Sorry about that. It should make your headache go away faster." Twilight said with a nervous smile. "Thanks..." I muttered dryly, rubbing my temple. Just then, Spike came downstairs. "Morning, Twi..." He muttered with a yawn. Then he kinda frowned at me. Hmm... Something tells me he's salty about that thing with Rarity "Dude, I swear I didn't mean to...." I said innocently. "Yeah, whatever, jerk...." He said as he walked away into the kitchen. "Spike can get a little jealous sometimes. " Twilight said with a giggle. Yeah... a little....

Twilight and I followed Spike into the kitchen and sat down. Spike made his heavenly pancakes, and Twilight and I talked about what our plans for the day were. "I'm probably going to stay home until later. I have a costume to make." Twilight said. "Costume? That Nightmare Night crap is tonight, isn't it...." I said with a raised brow. "Yes, it is! It's going to be so fun! I wish you would join us..." Twilight said with a slight pout. "I probably won't because I have things to do." I said plainly." Really? Like what?" Twilight asked curiously. "I'm going to visit Vinyl in the hospital, then after that I might fly around or something..." I said with uncertainty. "That sounds good. I'd be careful if I were you; Rainbow Dash might be on the lookout for your 'double'." Twilight warned. "Eh, even if she finds me, I don't have to tell her who I really am..." I said with a scoff. "Suit yourself. She can be a bit... Pushy sometimes." Twilight said.

After that we ate badass pancakes in silence, and I was on my way. I think I've paid attention enough to know where things are around here, so hopefully I won't get lost. I guess I can always turn pegasus, and get a birds eye view of Ponyville if necessary. Now, let's see here.... The hospital was near the center of town so if I... Ugh, navigation is annoying.

After a few minutes, I ACTUALLY managed to find the damn thing I was looking for! The Ponyville Hospital. How do I describe it. Hmm, it looks like... I dunno.... A fucking hospital? I guess it's smaller than the one in Canterlot. Anyway, I walked up to the visitors desk. "I'm here to see Vinyl Scratch?" I said to the secretary pony. I'm probably going to have to go through all this bullshit just to see her since I'm not a family member. "Of course! She's in room 7!" The secretary said without even looking at me. OK... That was easy. Let's see room 4.... Room 5.... Room 6.... Here it is! Room 7. I wonder if she'll be pissed at me. I certainly would be if it were me. Some drunk dumbass was careless and shot me with lasers? I would kick their ass, then proceed to sue the fuck out of them.

I walked in slowly and carefully around the corner, and there she was, sitting on the bed looking a bit bored. She had a magazine on her hoof and her signature sunglasses were on a small table next to her. As far as injuries go I didn't notice any, except her horn was wrapped up with a bandage. "Vinyl?" I called out. She did a double take and almost jumped out of her bed. "Wah! Dawn? You scared the crap out of me dude..." She said as she relaxed again. "My bad..." I said with a chuckle as I walked closer. "So..." Vinyl said sheepishly. "Oh yeah... I swung by to tell you I'm sorry. I kinda had a little too much to drink last night... " I said as I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Oh. It's OK dude. I... I didn't think you would actually come visit..." She said with a blush as she looked away. Great, I'm being sappy again... "So... How bad is it?" I asked, gesturing to her horn. "Oh... The doctor said I can go home, but horn injuries take a while to heal, so I won't be using any magic for a while. It usually takes a month depending on how bad it is." She said, looking a bit depressed. Dang it! This is all my fault. Now she's going to be magicless, all because I'm a drunk dumbass. "Dang... I'm really sorry about this..." I said looking down in shame. "Oh, its cool bro... The doc said it was scathing hit. It should only take a week tops." She said hopefully with a warm smile. That didn't help much... I still feel like an asshole.

Something I've noticed about myself, especially since coming here, is the fact that I feel super guilty for things. Unless your an asshole who deserves it, I can never forgive myself when people suffer because of my stupidity. I often end up doing shit I would never think of doing normally because of guilt, because I just can't take it! Whether that's a good or bad thing I don't know, but I'm certainly feeling it right now...

I sighed and cleared my throat. "Listen... If you need any help with anything... Just let me know..." I said with determination. "Oh I'll be fine bro. My friend from Canterlot's coming over to help me out until I heal. In fact, she should be here soon!" Vinyl said excitedly. "Really?" I ask as I hear hoof steps outside. "She's a musician from Canterlot." Vinyl said as the door behind me swung open. "Vinyl, dear! Are you alright?!" yelled a gray earthpony with dark grey hair, as she ignored me and rushed up to Vinyl and hugged her tightly. "Woah there, Tavi! Chill out!" Vinyl said with annoyance as she pushed her friend away. "It's just a minor horn injury. I'm still breathing." Vinyl said with a frown. "I'm sorry I overreacted, Vinyl, but your letter was quite vague on details so I assumed the worst." The pony said with a giggle. Then she finally noticed I was standing there and gasped.

"Vi... who is this? You didn't tell me you had a coltfriend..." The pony said with a smug grin as she nudged Vinyl. "HEY! He's not my coltfriend!" Vinyl yelled, looking flushed and embarrassed. "Then who are you?" The grey pony asked as she looked me in the eye. "Uh... I'm the guy who may or may not have... Done this to her.." I said with a nervous smile. The grey ponies eyes narrowed. Shit... I should have just went with "just a friend." "Get out..." She said coldy. "What?" I said as I took a nervous step backward. "Get. OUT!" She yelled as she threw a nearby book at me. Boy, am I sick of getting books thrown at me... "Uh.. see ya, Vinyl..." I said with a wave as I quickly backed out of the room.

...

"What?"

"Way to go Octavia... Chasing the hottie away..."

"B-but... He did this to you!"

"It was an accident, and I just forgave him for it."

"Oh... I didn't realize..."

"*sigh* Just hush and help me get my stuff."

...

Well that could have went better. That girl was pissed! But, she did have the right to be mad. Like Luna said when I first got this magic, I need to stop being careless with it. Anyway, I'm not really sure what I want to do today; that stupid celebration is tonight so everyone is out putting up Halloween...er... Nightmare Night shit. I find it really odd how much this holiday mirrors Halloween... Same thing with Hearth Warming and Christmas. I won't be suprised if they have their own pony version of Santa. It's all really strange... Like my world and theirs are the same or something... Ugh... I'm shaking just thinking about it!

Alright, I'm bored. Maybe I'll go on that joy flight now or something. Wait, what's going on over there? There are a bunch of people gathered around this weird trailer. Hmm... May as well check it out...

"Oh, Great and Powerful Trixie, can you show us one of your tricks?" Someone in the crowd asked. "No.. the Great and Powerful Trixie is feeling... a little tired. Begone!!" boomed a blue unicorn with white hair that had light blue stripes. She was wearing a wizard hat and what looked like a cape. Everypony I see with clothes on looks fucking ridiculous to me. "Oh come on... Please??" Asked these two kids in the front. The unicorn thought for a moment before rolling her eyes. "*sigh* Fine... The Great and Powerful Trixie can perform one small trick." The Unicorn said as she charged her magic. Huh... This chick speaks in third person? I wonder what she's about to do. Suddenly, all these flashy lights and sparks came from her horn like fireworks. It was neat I guess, but I'm pretty sure to people who are used to living with magic users it must not be that amazing.

Nope.

The crowd went fucking nuts and the unicorn bowed and retreated to her trailer. After that, I just watched as the crowd cleared out and those two kids were sitting there in amazement. I started to walk away, I guess the "show" is done. That show had me overwhelmed by meh. I'm probably gonna go fly somewhere now... Or not. Those two kids are walking over. To be honest they look kinda goofy, one of them is really short and fat and has buck teeth, and the other one is tall and skinny and he has these really big ears. "Hey, isn't that the new guy?" The small one said. "Yeah... Celestia's new student... He probably thinks he's so cool." The tall one said looking at me in disgust.

"Uh... I can hear you ya know..." I said to them, making them jump. "You may be Celestia's new student, but you'll never be as cool as the Great and Powerful Trixie!" The short one blurted before retreating behind the tall one. I deadpanned and looked at them "and I care, because?" I said blankly. "Trixie would totally beat you in a magic duel, because she saved a town from an Ursa Major!" The tall one said with a smug grin. I blinked a few times and laughed in their faces. These kids man... they honestly thing I have a flying fuck to give? Do I have to spell it out for them? "Look, I have better things to do..." I said as I walked away laughing.

...

"See, Snips! He laughed at us! He thinks he's so much better than Trixie!" Snails said with a shake of his head. "Yeah! He can't possibly be as good as someone who defeated an Ursa Major!" Snips said. Then Snails got a curious look. "I wonder how cool it must have been to see Trixie fighting that Ursa major..." He said as he rubbed his chin. "Yeah... It must have been super awesome..." Snips said with a look of disappointment. "Darn I wish we could have seen it...there's no way now..." Snails said. Then his eyes brightened up. "What is it Snails?" Snips asked curiously. "What if there was a way we could see Trixie fight an Ursa Major?" Snails said with a mischievous grin. "There is? How?" Snips asked excitedly. "What if we brought an Ursa Major here?" Snails said. "What? Bring one to Ponyville? Are you NUTS? Why the heck would we do that?" Snips said with a frown.

"Duh! So we get to see Trixie fight it!" Snails said with a shake of his head. Snips looked skeptical for a second, his mouth was an 'o' as he suddenly understood. "Dude... you're a genius! Let's do it!" Snips said as he jumped around excitedly. "Alright! To the Everfree Forest!" Snails said with determination. "Why would we go there Snails? That place is spooky..." Snips said with a look of worry. "*sigh* So we can lead the Ursa Major out!" Snails said in frustration. Snips facehoofed and shook his head "Oh yeah.... I forgot.." Snips said as he gulped nervously. The odd duo set off out of Ponyville toward the Everfree in search of one of the largest creatures in Equestria.

...

Man, it's like everyone is fucking outside today. I can't find a safe place to transform! I could do it real quick while some people aren't looking, but I'm not even going to risk it. Ugh... this is annoying! Maybe I should just tell everybody I can transform so I can do it freely in public... Nah, I'll keep looking. In my search for privacy, I noticed I was near that schoolhouse again. Maybe I can go behind that... Wait, what am I thinking? There'll be kids all over that shit! Wait a second... It looks like they're all out front or something, wait, no, they're leaving. I'm not risking getting discovered by kids. I'm going to keep looking... Hey wait, what's going on there?

I see... That looks like Applejack's little sister... What was her name... Uh, Applebloom? Yeah, that's it! I see her and... this orange Pegasus with purple hair... There's also this white Unicorn with purple and pink hair. Hmm... Something about that one reminds me of Rarity. Huh... That's weird... Anyway, they were all sitting there looking like their fucking puppy died...not once... But twice. Like...that shit died, came back to life, then died again a few moments later, that's how sad these damn kids looked. I wonder what's making them so sad?

Then I saw the cause of the problem. There was this pink pony with purple and white hair, wearing this small crown. She was standing over them looking down on them in disgust. Oh, I really know this scenerio waaaay to fucking well. They were being BULLIED! Just seeing it happen makes my fucking blood boil! I was bullied in middle school and it made me bitter and antisocial. I'm not going to stand for this shit, I'm shutting this down right now!

I took a few moments to calm down a little so I don't strangle someone, and I walked over there.

"I can't believe you three BLANK FLANKS wanted to come to MY party! Ha! How pathetic!" The bully said with a laugh as the three girls sighed sadly. "Hey!" I called out as I walked up angrily. The 3 girls gasped and perked up when they saw me and the bully raised her brow. "Who are YOU?" The bully said as she glared at me. "Whoa... That's Dawning Jade..." Applebloom said as her eyes widened. Huh? She knows me? The bully stuck her muzzle up in the air. "Hmph, he's just some nosey nopony!" The bully said looking at me unimpressed. "That's Princess Celestia's new student! My sister talks about him all the time!" The white one said. Then the orange one nodded "Yeah. Rainbow Dash won't shut up about this guy either..." She said with a giggle.

The bully seemed to look at me with newfound respect then she went back to that "I'm better than all of you" behavior. "OK, so he's not a nopony... But I bet he doesn't associate with you 3 blank flanks!" The girl said with a smug grin. That made the girls sad again for some reason. I wonder why? Then I remembered how Applebloom said that her and her friends were the only ones in her class that still didn't have their cutie marks. "Hey cut that out! Stop calling them that!" I said sternly. The bully smiled smugly. " What? I can't call them what they are? I'm only telling them the truth! I have a cutie mark you have a cutie mark....they DON'T... " the bully said harshly. Damn... This bitch has a serious mouth. Time to flip the table.

"So, what does your cutie mark even mean? I bet it's something lame..." I said with a chuckle. That made the 3 girls perk up a little as they watched. "What?! My cutie mark is not lame! See!" The bully said as angrily as she turned slightly so I could see it. It basically looked like a little crown or tiara. "Yep, like I said... lame..." I said with a yawn. The bully looked away in embarrassment as the 3 girls started laughing at her. "It ... it's not lame..." The bully stammered. "I bet that when they get their cutie marks they'll be way better than yours!" I teased as I pointed to the three girls. That made them beam with confidence. "Shut up, blank flanks!" The bully yelled making the 3 girls look sad again. Grrr... I've had enough of this little bitch. "Besides, what does your cutie mark even mean? Its just a black thunderbolt with some sparkles around it.... Ha! Lightning isn't black! That's stupid...." The bully said pointing to my cutie mark.

"The black thunderbolt represents the lightning I'm going to shove done your throat if you don't leave these girls alone!" I snapped as I powered up my magic. That made her yelp and she stepped away horrified. She bumped into a wall and her tiara fell off. "My tiara!" The bully said as she reached out for it. I looked her straight in the eye and crushed the thing with my hoof. "Oops... I'm sorry. Did you like that thing? How unfortunate..." I muttered coldly. The girl gasped and started to run away crying. She stopped and turned to me. "I'm gonna tell my Daddy on you!" She threatened as she ran away. Yeah, tell your daddy, bitch, so I can kick his ass for raising such a spoiled little brat.

I turned back to the kids and their jaws were on the floor. I couldn't read their expressions, but frankly I don't care anymore, because I made the bully fuck off already so I'm done here. So without a word, I continued walking, searching for a place to transform. That little girl really ticked me off, and I need to let off some steam.

...

I was cruising around the sky looking for some sweet clouds to nap on, when I spotted Scootaloo and her friends sitting in front of the school house talking about something excitedly. I wondered what it was, so I decided to drop in. I landed in front of them and walked over. "Sup, Scoots, Applebloom, Sweetie..." I greeted. They all smiled and spilled without me even asking them. "Oh my gosh, Rainbow Dash! You TOTALLY missed it!" Scootaloo said. "Yeah! It was so cool! That Dawning Jade guy is cool!" Sweetie Belle said. "Yeah! He made Diamond Tiara run off crying like a little foal!" Applebloom said. Hmm... That's the girl who always bullies them. I've had to chase her off a few times. "Dawn? What did he do?" I asked curiously. "Oh, he was awesome! He made fun of her cutie mark then he stepped on her Tiara!" Sweetie Belle said excitedly. "Yeah! Look, it's over there!" Applebloom said, pointing to the crushed tiara.

Sheesh... I think Dawn went a little overboard there. I don't think her Dad will be happy about that... Still though, I would have loved to have seen it happen. "It was so cool! Well... not as cool as you Rainbow Dash, but still kinda cool!" Scootaloo said. "It must have been... Hey where is he now?" I wondered. "He stormed out over there... He looked kinda grumpy." She answered. "Why do you ask?" Scootaloo wondered. "Oh no reason..." I said with a mischievous grin. "Ugh... I bet she's gonna go chase him..." Applebloom said with disgust. "Noooo... Whatever gave you that idea?" I said sarcastically. I just want to have a little chat... Maybe even flirt a little, because I still have a bet to win.

Suddenly I heard a familiar sound... Hey, I think it's... That pegasus guy! He just zoomed over us, going faster than the last time I saw him. "Whoa, who's that guy!?!" The three girls asked. "I don't know... But I plan to find out!" I said as I bent my knees and took off after him. Time to find out the identity of Dawn's look alike.

...

Man... Flying is the best fucking thing ever... I feel so free.... So chill... So HAPPY! If it was normal for pegasi to use magic I would totally stay a pegasus... Too bad. I flew up past the cloud layer and set down on a nice one. Oh man, I wish I could do this back in my world. I picked the perfect one! It's a super, soft fluffy, puffy cloud that makes my senses melt by just touching it. Man... I'm getting kinda sleepy... *yawn* Sheesh... I'll never look at a bed the same way again... They suck eggs compared to th-zzzzzzzzz

...

Catching up to this guy was harder than I thought! But I'm still not breaking a sweat... Yet. He flew up and landed on this soft, fluffy cloud that I've had my eyes one for a while... Darn it! I was saving that one! It looked like he was sleeping now... Sheesh, that was quick! Well, not as quick as me. Anyway, now that he's asleep I can examine him a bit closer now. The cloud he's on is big enough for both of us, so I carefully stepped on to it, the cloud shifted slightly with my weight. I slowly walked up to him, he was sprawled out on his back breathing steadily. Gosh... Seeing him like this is maddening! Maybe I could just have a LITTLE fun with him... No! Focus, Dash! Do what you came for!

So, like I suspected... Having seen this guy and Dawn up close they look like freaking twins! The differences were few and far between. This guy's cutie mark looks just like Dawn's except there is a tornado and less sparkles. But that same black lightning bolt was there... So, weird... He has the same body... The only slight differences were the obvious fact that this guy has wings, oh and did I mention how strong they look? Ahem... Anyway, same tail, same mane, same colors, same handsome golden eyes... I could look into them and be hypnotized forever... In fact I could just kiss him right now... That worried, sexy face of his.. Wait...he just blinked... OH BUCK, he's awake!

...

So, you know how I fell asleep on that cloud? Yeah... well... I woke up to see Rainbow Dash draped over me, and it looked like she was about to kiss me... Well, this could be really hot- but it's not! Because I don't like ponies, right? God... what the hell is wrong with me?

"Soooo..." I said carefully. Rainbow Dash immediately stepped back nervously, and looked away in embarrassment. "What... are you doing?" I asked suspiciously as I started to slowly crawl near the edge of the cloud. Rainbow Dash's face flashed from embarrassment to being skeptical. "Hey... Your voice sounds the same, too!" She said as she took a step toward me. Oh no... "Uh... I don't know what you're talking about, Dash..." I said innocently. She kept moving closer and she stopped when what I said sunk in. "What the- how do you know my name?!" She asked angrily.

Shit.

"I, uh...." I stuttered as I moved closer to the edge. "Grrrr... you and your twin Dawning Jade have some explaining to do!" She yelled angrily. "Bye!" I said with a wave as I finally slid off the edge. "Wait a second, hey!" was all she said before she was already out of audio range. I dove straight down towards Ponyville. I'm too pumped with adrenaline right now to be scared of this dive. I plan to pull up right before I hit the ground and use the momentum from the dive to fly off somewhere... Anywhere! I started to feel the G forces building up as I got closer to the ground, it became a lot harder to concentrate on controlling my wing muscles. Shit... I have no experience with this! I could fuck up, crash, then end up with a broken neck. I'm going to start pulling up now just incase.

I grunted as I struggled to start pulling up. It was a very slow ascension but I got it done! I used the momentum to carry me toward... Where the hell am I going? Fuck it, I'll hide in Canterlot, it's up on the mountain in front of me anyway. I turned back to see Rainbow performing the dive I just did, except I noticed she wasn't pulling up at the point that I did, she just kept going. What the hell? Is she nuts? She was a foot away from the ground when she suddenly pulled a 90° turn like it was nothing! Holy shit she's a pro! Of course she benefited way more from the momentum than I did! She's almost here already! Gotta try harder! I focused and flapped my wings harder, I looked behind me and noticed something weird. There was a black trail, similar to Dash's Rainbow colored trail behind me. OK... Not sure how that makes sense...at all... But there's no time for logic! Gotta go fast!

After considerable effort, I think i was going as fast as my wings could carry me, but I was still a good 2 miles away from Canterlot and Rainbow Dash was coming in fast. FUCK! Think, Derrick, think! OK, let's see... I'm not going to beat her in speed... Or agility... Or endurance... Shit! This is hopeless! How do I escape? Damn it... I wish I had a flash bang or something. Then I could blind her long enough for me to escape. Heh, it would be just like that time Goku used that solar flare ability to escape from the great ape.... Wait I have fucking magic now, I can probably reproduce that shit!

"Hey come back here! You have some explaining to do!" I heard Rainbow yell. Shit, now or never! So I stopped and faced her. She was flying at me with a look of anger and determination. I put my hoofs together and concentrated my magic, closing my eyes. Hopefully it's not TOO bright! I don't want to blind her permenatly. Rainbow was only a few feet away when my magic suddenly flared up and a bright light emanated from my hoofs.

"Aaaah! What the hay?!" Rainbow yelled. I open my eyes to see her floating in front of me shielding her eyes. NOW IS MY CHANCE! I zipped off toward Canterlot, going so fast I left that black trail behind me again. I finally reached the city limits, and I noticed this really tall tower that was part of the Canterlot castle. I saw what looked like Princess Celestia standing there... hmm, I could land in any random alley and probably be fine. You know what, fuck it, I am about to collapse and from this height, and that's the closest surface.

I arced down and aimed for the balcony. There was plenty of space to land, but I have to make sure I don't run into Celestia, or I think my body would turn into fucking jelly because fuck you, I'm an alicorn. I barely skimmed past her and I made a sloppy landing on the balcony, sliding and rolling onto my back. I was gasping for air and sweating heavily, my wings twiched painfully from the heavy use. Celestia immediately turned from what looked like a telescope to face me.

"Derrick?" she said as she smiled happily when she saw me. "I didn't expect you to... Drop in like that..." she said as she walked over to me excitedly. Her expression changed when she saw how exhausted I was. "What happened?!" She asked with concern. "Getting... chased.... gotta... hide..." I said in between gasps. "Getting chased? By whom?" She asked with a frown as her horn lit up, probably ready to vaporize my chaser. "Crazy... mares..." I said. Celestia started laughing. "Crazy mares? Don't be silly..." She said with a shake of her head.

Suddenly we heard a dull booming sound in the distance. "Fuck.... here she comes..." I said with a cringe. Celestia gave me a reassuring smile "Don't worry, my student, I'll take care of her..." She assured. All I could do was nod as she gently placed me on her bed in her room and closed the door to her balcony. I could hear what sounded like Rainbow Dash landing on the balcony. It kinda just made a light "clop" instead of the skidding followed by a painful slam that I did. I could still make out what they were saying from inside here.

"Good afternoon, Princess Celestia." Rainbow greeted with a respectful tone.

"Good afternoon, Rainbow Dash. What brings you to my balcony?" Celestia asked kindly.

"I was looking for this pegasus guy who flew around here." Rainbow said with a snappy less formal tone.

"What did he look like?" Celestia asked.

"He looks kinda like that hot new student of yours... Have you seen him around here?"

"No... I'm afraid I haven't..." Celestia said with a nervous laugh.

"Darn it... Well OK... Thanks anyway, Princess..." Rainbow Dash said with disappointment as I heard Rainbow flap her wings.

"You're welcome."

"Time to find Dawn and show him how sexy I am!" Rainbow said with confidence.

"..."

At that point I couldn't tell what was happening out there anymore because I was getting drowsy. Celestia's bed is fucking deadly comfortable, it must be made of clouds! I was about to fall asleep for the second time when I heard what sounded like snoring next to me. I turned around to see Princess Luna sleeping on the other side of the bed. Luckily, it was a big ass bed so she wasn't too close to me. Oh god... My balls hurt from just looking at her... That fucking nightmare... Luna didn't have any of her royal wear on and she was sprawled out on the bed and snoring loudly. Holy shit. that looks embarrassing. I should take a picture...

Just then, Princess Celestia quietly opened the balcony door and walked inside. She walked over and layed down next to me... Kinda close... Heh, I don't mind- er, I mean, I'm too lazy to move! Yeah, that's it! "You're a life saver, Princess! Thank you..." I said with relief as I relaxed slightly. "You're welcome!" Celestia said as she nuzzled my cheek. For some reason, I didn't freak out this time. I don't know... It just didn't bother me this time. Celestia noticed this and blushed slightly.

"So how come she's here?" I asked as I gestured to Luna. "Oh, she likes to sleep in my room. I don't really mind because she's awake by the time I'm ready to sleep. Sometimes she's not too drowsy in the afternoons and we talk. It's the only time we really do, I'm afraid..." Celestia explained. "Oh..." I said as I fell silent and looked away.

"So... How has your stay in Ponyville been?" She asked curiously. "I don't know.... It's been... A roller coaster..." I said with a sigh. The Princess seemed to understand, so I guess they have roller coasters here... "To start it off, Spike almost killed me with books..." I said bitterly. The Princess giggled and nodded. "Then, Twilight needed me to do some errands which involved me meeting up with her friends..." I said with a shudder. "What was wrong with that?" Celestia asked with a raised brow. "Well...to put it simply... they all want Dawning Jade... inside them..." I said bluntly. Celestia looked away with a blush and a nervous smile. "I wonder why they would..." Celestia said nervously with a hint of sarcasm. Huh.. Where did that come from? That was weird. "I have a little bit of a reputation already... Being your student and all..." I mentioned. "Yes, the same happened to Twilight Sparkle when I originally took her under my wing." Celestia said with a nod. "Ya know, that was a figure of speech back on my world... But now you can literally... Never mind..." I said with a facehoof. Celestia blessed my ears with her sweet musical laughter- uh... I mean... She laughed...

Behind us, Luna shifted slightly. I looked back nervously. "Oh, don't worry, she's a heavy sleeper." Celestia assured as she read my mind. I shrugged and turned back to her and continued. "Yeah anyway... most mares are pretty much acting weird and flirty around me." I started to say. Then I felt a breath on my neck, I swallowed and turned around and Luna was laying next to me on my right. She smiled nervously and averted her eyes. Well she's up now... Fuck...

I turned back to Celestia on my left with a deadpan expression. Celestia giggled "Well... Usually she's a heavy sleeper..." She said innocently. Luna just relaxed a little bit and listened as I continued my rant. "So, of course I was the new guy in town, so Pinkie just HAD to throw me a welcome party..." I said with a shudder. Celestia giggled "I assume the party went well? " she asked with a raised brow. "Heck yeah! But..." I said as I tapped my front hoofs together nervously. "But?" Celestia questioned. "The only reason the party went well, was because I kinda... Got wasted and forgot the whole thing..." I said with a shrug... Celestia started snickering behind her hoof.

"Twilight told me I hugged a glass table so hard that it broke and I cut myself..." I said as I plopped my head on the bed with a frown. Celestia snickered again, "Then, apparently I tried to kill a fly with my lasers, and I ended up hitting the DJ's horn..." I said grumpily. "Really? Is she OK?" Celestia asked with widened eyes. "Yeah, I visited her in the hospital today to apologize. She wasn't really angry with me." I muttered. "Oh, that was nice of you!" Celestia said with a smirk as she nudged me. "Hey I'm not a total prick.." I muttered as I smirked and nudged her back. She looked away with a blush as I continued. "Her friend from Canterlot wasn't happy with me..." I said with a roll of my eyes, Celestia responded with her laughter again.

"Anyways, then Twilight said that the drinks made me a little... Flirty" I said sheepishly. Celestia began to look a bit suspicious and it seemed like next to me Luna got nervous. "Twilight said I kissed Rarity on the cheek." I said with a frown. I could have sworn I saw Celestia's eye twitch just now... Nah, I'm seeing shit... "I don't even want to get into that one... Kissing ponies, ugh..." I said with a shudder. Celestia regarded me with a neutral stare that had a hint of anger. Why is she mad? I mean... Making nice with the ponies was the objective right?

"Anyways... Uh... After that.. everything got really fuzzy... I vaugely remember... but something important DID happened." I said, rubbing my chin curiously. Behind me Luna coughed and smiled nervously. I narrowed my eyes and racked my brain. "I remember having the brilliant plan to sit on Twilight's balcony while I drank a stash of shots..." I said as I concentrated on remembering. Celestia just smiled and shook her head "I hope you don't make getting intoxicated and shooting ponies a routine!" She said with a giggle. Next to me Luna shifted uncomfortably. I turned to her and her eyes were darting around and she was sweating."Hey! What's wrong with you?" I asked. She just averted her eyes. "It's nothing, Derrick, continue your story. I'm fine..." She assured.

"Hey, why did you drop the old English?" I ask curiously. "As I said before... I've been meaning to drop it for some time." She explained. Huh? When did she say that? I started staring at her, my memory of last night started coming back to me. "Hey... You were there on Twilight's balcony..." I said aloud, making her sweat more, Celestia began to look suspicious. "What do you mean she was with you on the balcony?" She asked. "I was sitting there taking shots, when Princess Luna popped up out of nowhere..." I said as I gave her a curious look. "Yes...I was just...uh... visiting..." Luna said with a nervous smile.

"Yeah... She was there... And...she... Healed that cut I got..." I said as I started to eye her suspiciously. I'm pretty sure Luna kinda hates me... Right? "Then... She was sad about something...uh... Her recent break up... Yeah! That's what it was! So I tried comforting her or something... I think I hugged her..." I said, slightly horrified. Celestia started processing what I said, "Wait a second... What break up?" She said with wide eyes. "Uh... Her and Mac...." I said sheepishly as I scratched my head.

"Sister! Don't you tell me anything anymore?" Celestia asked, eying Luna angrily.

"Oh! I was planning to tell you all about the incident on Twilight's balcony... Eventually..." Luna said as she shrank nervously next to me. I ignored them after that, because I did something really IMPORTANT on that balcony but I can't fucking remember what!

"The whole purpose of you sleeping in here during the day was for us to TALK! When on earth were you planning to tell me that!?!" Celestia questioned. Damn... It's really killing me trying to remember... Something went down on the fucking balcony.

"Sister, I'm sorry. I was going to tell you..." Luna trailed off and averted her eyes. Hmm... It coming back to me... Whatever it was... I think I enjoyed it. Fuck, I'm worried now.

"Wait.... You said 'the accident on the roof'. What did you mean by that?" Celestia inquired. When Luna didn't respond for several seconds, Celestia started to look concerned. I'm going to flip a shit if I don't remember what the fuck happened on that damn balcony.

"Lulu... You know you can tell big sis anything." Celestia said reassuringly. Luna took a deep breath and cleared her throat.

"While Derrick was comforting me we may have... made contact..." Luna started as she tapped her hoofs together. "You touched horns? Derrick is so clumsy with his horn sometimes." Celestia said with a groan. "Oh... No.. It was much more intimate than that... We kissed..." Luna blurted. I heard my name, then Luna said "we" and the word "kissed". What in the motherfucking depths and crevices of HELL is she talking about?!?

Celestia laughed nervously. "Hehe... I couldn't quite hear what you said there, Lulu... It sounded like you said 'we kissed'." Celestia said with, nervous laughter . Luna just put her head down slowly and said nothing more.

Hold on a second... Did I just hear what I think I did? We...kissed...

Oh... ShitfuckDamnAssssssssssss

[derrick_young.exe has stopped responding. Would you like to close?]

"WE DID WHAT!!!!!!" I suddenly blurted as I realized what they were talking about. "We... kissed" Luna repeated bluntly. I just smiled and waved it off. "Nope, there is no way... You almost scared me there." I said sheepishly. A few seconds went by before the floodgates to my memory burst open. "Fuck, I remember now. We totally locked lips on that balcony..." I choked out as I started hyperventilating. Luna was smiling nervously and Celestia had... That look... I can't fucking describe it to you... But it's the one she gave me when Luna and I touched horns.

Then I started to realize where the fuck I am right now... I'm in A BED with TWO Princesses rubbing up on me... They've scooted significantly closer to me without me noticing. Hmm... NOPE! I immediately sprang off the bed, both Princesses looked surprised. "I have to... go..." Was all I said as I flung the balcony door open and slammed it behind me. My wings were still kinda of sore so I gave them a quick stretch, even though all i really need to do is glide. I heard one of them open the door behind me, "Derrick, wait!" One of them called out, but I ignored whoever it was and took off without looking back.

I started gliding down toward Ponyville, in deep thought. Seriously... What the hell is wrong with me!?! I... Kissed... Luna....I kissed.... a...pony...a fucking PONY. I'm a human! I'm not supposed to like ponies! Something has to be wrong with me... Ever since I got here... I've had moments where I've caught myself...staring... At them. Sometimes even fantasizing for a second. Why the hell did I not see the red flags popping up... Like, why the hell did I think it was OK to lay in that bed with them like that?!That moment with Rainbow on that cloud, I may or may not have gotten a little excited... Well... Maybe more... God, I hope Rainbow didn't see...

There's also something really strange about Celestia, when I'm around her I just feel like... All is right with the world... I-I just feel... Right! I feel like I could talk to her about everything! And I've only known her for like 3-4 days! What's up with that?! Then there is Luna... I'm supposed to hate her fucking guts! But... I guess I don't... Because I fucking kissed her... And... I liked it... WHY DID I LIKE IT?!? I'm not supposed to like ponies! It's wrong because.... Because.... Because... Well... Shut up! It just is!

OK....OK... I need to get my mind off of this, because I passed Ponyville already, like the expert navigater I am. I did a quick turn and landed on the outskirts. I changed back into my unicorn form and walked into town. It was now an hour or two before sunset and everyone was out and about, trick or treating and all that bullshit, celebrating things and being happy. Sigh... Ya know what, fuck it! May as well get into the spirit of things... Then again last time I said "may as well' I ended up locking lips with a pony... So no drinking tonight for me. Hopefully tonight's festivities will help me forgot about what happened in that room.

Hmm, let's see... This is Halloween basically, so I need a costume. Maybe I could actually go as a human! Nah, that will cause problems. Hmm... maybe a soldier? Wait, I don't know what pony soldiers look like... Wait a second, yes I do! I'll go as a Royal Guard! I barely remember what their armor even looks like though, so I'll see if I see any guards patrolling, because there are a few stationed in Ponyville. So I basically walked around for a while, avoiding girls and random kids until I found a guard. I don't know his name, nor do I need to. Let's see... It's gold... And Roman... Yeah, if I'm doing this I'm going to alter the design a bit, because I'm not a fan of that fucking brush that's on top of their heads.

I went to a place where I wouldn't be disturbed and sat down. I concentrated on replicating what I saw the guard wearing. My horn lit up and slowly the armor began materializing in front of me. After about a minute of concentration the same set of armor was sitting right in front of me. Alright, sweet! Let's see now... Gold? Fuck that. How about silver? Hmmm, nah... Black? Yeah that's pretty nice... OK, that helmet. Fuck that brush thing... I'll go for a blade instead. Kinda like a fin, except not stupid looking. Hm... I also really like visors, so let's throw a blue one on there. Ummm... Why not! I'll make the armor look more aggressive too.

By the time I was done with it, I doubt it's even recognizable as Royal Guard armor anymore... Mostly because it's black. Let's bring the gold back I guess. Hmm, that's all? Now it looks like a Guard with a badass helmet... huh, I'm not a fucking designer like Rarity, so I guess I did enough. Most of my beef was with the helmet anyway. Alright, sweet, time to try this shit on! It wasn't hard to slip into armor and it wasn't heavy or anything either, so this is kinda great! Although... I feel kinda lame... Dressing up and all... Isn't this childish? Or as Twilight puts it, foalish? Well fuck it, as long as I don't drink things will be fine. Oops, I forgot those slipper things that the Guards and Princesses wear! It took me about 20 seconds to make 4 of them, they were surprisingly comfortable, even though gripping things would be a bit of a challenge now... Good thing I have magic!

I figured I should show Twilight my lame ass costume, because why the hell not? So I started heading back Towards where her house tree (yes, I'm calling it that) was. Well... At least where I THINK it is anyway.


So, after a few minutes of getting lost, I noticed something weird. There was a black storm cloud that kept following me, it would stop moving whenever I looked at it for some reason, and I swear I heard snickering too. Wow... This is what Mario feels like when those fucking ghosts sit behind him and troll him by hiding when he looks at them. I'd actually be a little worried if there were ghosts in Equestria. OK, if this thing doesn't fuck off I'm gonna zap the fu-

*BOOOOM!*

I yelped as an arc of lighting zapped the ground next to me. Before I could vaporize the offending cloud out of the realm of reality, I heard the sound of familiar laughter, as it started to float to the ground. On the cloud was a pegasus girl wearing this weird black suit that reminded me of a super hero. She had Rainbow colored hair... HMM... Great. She's here now.

"Ha! I totally scared you!" Rainbow Dash said as she hopped off of her cloud. "You're the first guard I actually managed to scare! Most of them just keep a straight face and ignore me..." She said as she walked up to me and looked curiously. "Hey.... Wait a minute, is that you, Dawn?" She asked as she got closer and tilted her head slightly. I poked out my chest and tried using a heroic voice. "No citizen! I don't know this... Dawn that you speak of, maybe-". " I know it's you Dawn..." Rainbow interrupted. Huh... Well, that didn't last long...

"I was looking for you earlier... Then that look alike of yours showed up." Rainbow said suspiciously, as she glared at me. "Oh... you saw him again?" I said, pretending to be oblivious. "Yeah, I saw him up close this time." She said with a frown. "I swear the guy looks EXACTLY like you. Are you sure you don't know him?" Rainbow asked. "Nope..." I muttered. Rainbow dash looked me over a few times before sighing in annoyance. "Just forget it." She said as she frowned and looked away.

"So, what's with the suit? Are you supposed to be a super hero?" I asked. "Hey! I'm a Shadowbolt! Couldn't you tell?" Rainbow said as she got into one of her "cool" poses. "Uh... Not really." I said with a shrug. "Well, now you know!" Rainbow Dash said with a smirk. "It looks a tad ridiculous to me." I said bluntly. Hmm... in hindsight I probably shouldn't have said that... "WHAT??? It's not ridiculous! It's bucking AWESOME!!" Then she started ranting about how cool she was, and how the Wonderbolts... Shadowbolts... whatever, were the coolest or some shit.

I took off my helmet and rolled my eyes. "You get really worked up over nothing, Dash..." I said with a laugh, shaking my head in disappointment. "Uh... No, I don't! Shut up!" She sputtered. "Chill out, Dash." I said with a smirk. I ruffled her hair up with my hoof and she frowned. "Stop it!" She yelled as she pushed my hoof away. "You're adorable when you're angry!" I said with a chuckle as I turned and started walking away. I walked for a few steps then took a glance behind me and sure enough dash was floating behind me with that cloud of hers. I stopped and looked up at her. I deadpanned and she just stuck her tounge out at me childishly... foalishly... whatever. Fuck it...


We walked for a while in silence before getting to Twilight's, Rainbow hopped off her cloud and stood next to me. I was about to knock on the door when I stopped and turned to her. "Seriously... why are you even here? Don't you have kids to scare?" I asked with a raised brow. "Meh, that got kinda boring. I have nothing better to do now..." Rainbow admitted with a shrug. I just snorted angrily, and knocked on the door. Spike answered it wearing... A dragon costume. Wow really? He's already a fucking dragon! Why the fuck is he dressed like one? I'm not even going to ask. He looked up at me and smiled. "I see you're in the spirit of things!" He said as he looked me over. "You totally look like the real deal! Nice job!" He said as he studied my armor. "Thanks bro..." I said with a confident smirk. "Hey, what about me?!" Rainbow Dash said. "Oh, uh, you look nice too..." Spike muttered. Rainbow lowered her head and started grumbling. Heh, I think she's jealous of my Royal Guard swag.

"So, where's Twilight?" I asked as I looked around. "Oh, she's upstairs. She's been working on her costume all day." Spike said with a chuckle. "Really? What is it anyways?" I asked. All I really know about Twilight is that she's kind of a nerd... Not that there's anything wrong with that, so I have no idea what she would really dress as. "Well, she said she was coming downstairs soon- there she is!" Spike said. She casually walked down the stairs in... her costume.

"What do you think? Can you guess who I am?" Twilight asked with a smile. She was wearing what looked like a robe, and a wizard hat. She also had this fake beard on. Hmm... Something tells me that there is a possibility that maybe Twilight probably may or may not be a wizard. Which wizard you ask? No fucking clue. They don't have Gandalf here... Or Dumbledore, so I'm stumped. "I have no bucking clue who your supposed to be Twilight." Rainbow said with a shake of her head. Spike and I busted out laughing, she said exactly what I was about to say. "You mean... you guys don't know Starswirl the Bearded?!" Twilight said with wide eyes. "Nope." I muttered before busting out laughing again. "I told you nopony would recognize your costume." Spike said with a shake of his head. Twilight deadpanned and sighed "I can't believe you guys don't recognize one of the most influential wizards in history..." She muttered in disappointment. "Sorry, Twi. We can't all be eggheads like you!" Rainbow teased. Spike and I snickered, making Twilight growl slightly. "I need more supplies from Rarity... Then maybe SOMEPONY will recognize who I am!" Twilight said as she stormed out of the door. Well at least I know what she used the buttons for...


"Hey,, wait for me, Twilight!" Spike called out as he rushed out behind her, leaving Rainbow dash and I standing there. We sat in silence for a few seconds. "So...." Rainbow started to say. "I'm out." I muttered blankly without even looking at her, as I walked back outside. I guess I'm just going to wander around or something. I can see Twilight and Spike walking to where I assume was Rarity's place, so fuck going in that direction... I wonder where Mac is? His costume is probably hilarious. As I was standing there contemplating where to go, I realized that Rainbow Dash was STILL following me... OK, I give up. I stopped walking and turned around, she instantly froze in place and smiled nervously.

"*sigh* Alright... what do you want do?" I asked with obvious irritation.

"Wh-what?" She said, taken by surprise. "You're obviously NOT going to quit following me so we may as well do something." I said with a shrug. Her face morphed into this half lidded smile. She walked up to me and started biting her lip as she rubbed my chest seductively. "Well, me and you could-" she started to say. I jumped back and looked away nervously. "H-hey that's not what I m-meant!" I sputtered. Rainbow's cheeks turned red and she smiled nervously. "Oh, uh...that's not want I meant either, dude...I just...uh... Want to go prank somepony?" She asked.

"Absolutely." I said with a smirk. Rainbow shared my smirk and we both set off, looking for victims.

...

Two goofy looking kids were galloping out of a forest as fast as their little hoofs could carry them. A loud thumping and a faint roar could be heard behind them, as they bolted towards the trailer belonging to their favorite magician.

They got there and knocked on the door desperately. A sleepy looking Trixie answered. "Begone! Trixie is still exuasted!" She snapped at the kids. "Um... sorry to bother you, oh Great and Powerful Trixie..." Snips said. "But do you remember that time you saved Hoofington from that Ursa major?" Snails asked. Trixie thought for a second and swallowed nervously. "Uh, yes... Trixie remembers her heroic efforts. What about it?" She said with a grin. "Well, um... There may or may not be an angry one stomping it's way over to Ponyville!" Snips blurted. Trixie held her smile but her eye twitched. "What have you done." Trixie muttered as she facehoofed. "Yeah, but you can totally beat it up right?" Snips said as his mood lightened up and he jumped around excitedly. "Um, yes, of course... Trixie can." She said with nervous laughter. "Good, because it should be here right about-"

*ROOOOOOAR!!!!!*

"-now!"

...

Dash and I went on this hilarious pranking spree. I would usually distract the kids by giving them a fake lecture on safety or something lame like that, then when their guard is down, Rainbow would swoop in with her cloud and rape their ears with thunder. It was fucking hilarious, because the faces they would make were priceless! Eventually, we stopped and just wandered around.

"That was awesome! Did you see that one kid's face?" Rainbow said with a giggle. "Yeah! and then her friend freaked out and started shooting lasers everywhere!" I said with a chuckle. "Then one of the lasers hit that guy's bag and all the candy exploded everywhere!" Rainbow said, laughing uncontrollably. "And then that one laser bounced off my armor and hit you!" I said as I nudged her. She frowned and pushed me back. "Hey, that wasn't funny! It kinda hurt..." Rainbow said as she turned to her flank. "Ha! Whatever, stop being such a wuss." I said as I bumped her again. "Hey! I'm not a wuss, you punk!" Rainbow shot back as she bumped me harder. "Oh yeah? And what will you do about it?" I ask with a raised brow. "I'll... I'll.." She stuttered. Before she could answer, I ruffled up her hair again. She growled at me and slapped my face with her tail. I retaliated by zapping her ass with a weak laser making her yelp and frown at me.

"What did you go and do that for?!" Rainbow demanded. "Because buck you, that's why." I said with a smirk. Rainbow rolled her eyes and kept walking. Eventually we got to this random corner. "Hey... I think I hear Twilight." Rainbow muttered. I took a peek around the corner and I spotted Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie. They were all walking up the street with her. Pinkie was dressed up as... A chicken. Yeah, I don't get it. Applejack was dressed up as... A scarecrow? Fluttershy surprisingly didn't have a costume on. Huh... I wonder why. And Rarity is... A princess? Not gonna lie... She's a pretty convincing princess. Speaking of princesses, I feel an enormous magical power nearby... It could only be one of the- oh look, there's Luna.

Shitshitshit! Why is she here? I immediately zipped back around the corner and hugged my back against the wall. Rainbow looked really confused at my sudden behavior. "Dude, what's wrong?" She asked with concern. "Buck! Luna's over there with them!" I blurted. "So? What's the big deal? " Rainbow asked as she peeked around the corner. I quickly snatched her back with my magic, "Stop it! They'll see you!" I scolded. Rainbow frowned and glared at me "Dude, you really need to chill! Why are you so nervous anyway?" Rainbow asked suspiciously. "Oh, uh... Nothing..." I said with a nervous smile. Rainbow raised her brow "you're totally lying, dude." She said with disbelief. "Uh, just forget it..." I said as I tried to slip away. Rainbow grabbed my tail and dragged me back. Ugh, I forgot that she's kinda strong. "What.... did... you... do...?" Rainbow repeated. Before I could answer or deny anything, Pinkie poked her head around the corner. "Hey girls, come here! I found Dash and Dawn!" Pinkie said as she waved the group over.

Shit.

They all slowly walked over and I cringed. They all gasped when they saw me, I kinda just avoided eye contact and smiled awkwardly. "Heeeeey...." I muttered as I scratched the back of my head, I'm starting to hate the fact that I lost my damn helmet right about now. Pinkie, Applejack and Rarity zipped up to me, "Ya look mighty fine in that armor of yours." Applejack said with half lidded eyes. "Uh, thanks?" I said sheepishly "It's so shiny!" Pinkie said, as she stared at her reflection on my armor. "Oh my... this is perfect! You can be my Royal guard... And I can be your princess..." Rarity said with a wink. "Uh, I'm good..." I said sheepishly as I backed away from them. Rainbow Dash walked up and pushed them all back. "Come on, give the guy some space, girls..." she said with a giggle. Twilight, Spike, Fluttershy and Luna walked over, and like before, I avoided eye contact with Luna. I can't face her after that awkwardness in Celestia's room.

"Y-your costume looks nice Mr. Dawn..." Fluttershy complimented nervously. "Oh, uh, thanks." I said. "So' why did you decide to participate anyway?" Twilight asked curiously. "Oh, I don't know... I guess this is better than sitting in the house doing nothing..." I muttered. Twilight just nodded. "I bet the mares will be all over you. They love a stallion in armor." Spike said with a smirk. I deadpanned and took a glance behind me. "Yeah... No kidding..." I muttered with a roll of my eyes. Then despite my best efforts I made eye contact with Princess Luna, she was giving me a look that I couldn't read. I swear her and her sister are unreadable sometimes. We sat there staring at each other for a few seconds.

"Uh... Hi..." I said sheepishly. She sat there for a second before replying.

"Greetings." She said plainly. Dammit, I'm getting nothing from that expression.

"...You look... nice..." I said carefully. She just smiled lightly.

"Thanks! You look nice as well, but personally I think you'd look better with the night guard's armor." She with a nervous laugh.

"Maybe... Next time?" I said with a nod as I looked behind me. Rainbow Dash was giving me a warm smile, while Applejack and Rarity were stuck in fantasy land, and Pinkie was... Wait what the fuck? She's floating in midair... upside down... OK. I REALLY hope that someone here is lifting her with their magic. Let's just forget how and why for now or I'll go insane. "So, uh... I have to go... or something." I said anxiously, slowly creeping away from the group. The girls (and Spike) all looked at me suspiciously. "Oh, I think I see Mac over there... I'm gonna go talk to him, bye!" I said as I zipped away.

...

"He is up to something..." Applejack muttered aloud. "Really? What makes you say that?" Twilight asked, looking dumbfounded. "Macintosh is over there..." Luna said with a deadpan expression. Twilight looked at the direction DJ left and the direction Mac actually was. "Oh..." Twilight muttered with a facehoof. The group fell silent for a few seconds until Dash spoke up. "I'm going to go see what he's up too." She said as she took off into the air. Moments later, Luna sighed. "I must... take care of something... I shall return shortly." She said as she took off into the sky, leaving the group confused. "Is it just me or has the Princess been acting a little... strange." Twilight wondered aloud. "I noticed that she has changed how she acts to some degree... She stopped using the old talk..." Rarity said, rubbing her chin in thought. "It probably has something to do with the fact that mah brother broke up with her." Applejack said with a shake of her head.

"That may be true, but Mr. Dawn was acting kind of strange too..." Fluttershy added. "Yeah, but that feller always acts strange." Applejack said with a chuckle. "Yes, indeed! It's part of his charm... But I believe he was acting a bit stranger than usual." Rarity said. "Yeah... Your right. It looked like his heart stopped when he saw Princess Luna..." Applejack said. "It's all strange. I wonder if something happened between them..." Twilight said with worry. "Maybe we should check on Dawn and see how he's doing." Rarity suggested. The group agreed and started heading in the direction DJ went.

...


Thank god I'm away from that situation! The awkwardness was creeping me out. I still can't believe I made out with a pony... And Luna of all ponies! I mean... We hate each other right? Hmmm... Not gonna lie... That WAS a nice kiss though. Nonono! That's bad! I should chop off my dick for even thinking that! Er... Not really... But, damn... My mind can get really fucked up sometimes... Like... Why am I having a fantasy of the SAME thing happening with Celestia? FUCK! Something is definitely wrong with me now! I've been a pony for too long or something!

Before I could dwell on my strange thoughts, they were interrupted by an ear splitting scream. Woah, what the fuck? Wait... It's Halloween right now, of course people will scream. Before I could dismiss it, I felt the ground rumble so hard that I almost tripped. OK, seriously, what the hell is that? A fucking earthquake? Then I saw those two goofy kids from earlier running for their lives along with that wizard girl. "Hey! What the buck was that?" I called out too them. They saw me and their faces lit up, and they ran over to me.

"You're Princess Celestia's new student right?" The girl called out desperately.

"Um....yeah?"

"So that means that you're gifted and skilled in magic right?"

"Well... I guess... S-"

"Good! Trixie needs your assistance!"

"OK, but I don't-"

"Thanks to these brats, there is a Ursa Major on it's way here!"

"...but can't you handle it?" I said with a smirk as I glanced at the kids. I remember the little shits bragging about how awesome the Great and Powerful Trixie was, and now she needs my help? Ha!

"Trixie hates to admit it but she is NOT strong enough to defeat a Ursa Major..." She said with a heavy sigh.

"Yeah... I don't see how this is my probl-"

"Oh no! Here it comes!" One of the goofy kids screamed. I turned toward the direction of the sound, I mean... I may not be experienced, but I have the magic of one of the Princesses AND the ancient and powerful Chaos magic, so whatever this Ursa Major thing is, I should be OK. So I turned fully to face this "Ursa major" and let me just say...

I almost shit bricks.

There was a BIG ASS blue bear that looked translucent with the texture of the night sky, staring down at me with its large glowing eyes. This thing must have been at least 3-4 stories tall. It's fucking huge! Trixie and those two kids cowered behind me as I stared up at the thing in horror. Worst of all, it did NOT look happy. "Uh... Just a friendly suggestion... You may just want to slightly consider maybe getting the buck out of here..." I whispered. The 3 of them nodded and bolted away. There were a bunch of people running and screaming through the streets. The bear stood on it's hind legs and roared defiantly. Wait a second... I should be noping the fuck outta here too! But wait a second... There's still people in these streets, and I'm the only thing standing between innocent families and this thing. I would NEVER be able to live with myself if I could have saved lives, but instead I just ran like a pussy.

So, despite my completely rational fear of giant mistycal bears ripping my organs out, I shakingly stood my ground. The bear fell back onto all fours, it was maybe a mere 50 feet from where I was standing. To my complete horror the bear seemed to be focusing on this one family that was trying get away. There was a little girl clinging onto her mother, bawling her eyes out, and this fucking thing is about to turn them into red jelly. I don't think so, motherfucker!

I charged a laser and started firing at the Ursa to try and get it's attention. One of the lasers scored a direct hit in the thing's eye and it's head reeled back and it roared in pain. When it recovered it snorted loudly and glared at me. It slowly started to take steps toward me and only me, it was like the thing forgot all about the citizens trying to escape. Great... Soooooo, now what?

My ears drooped as the bear closed in on me. It tried to swipe a paw at me but I sidestepped it. I then started rapidly firing lasers at the thing, they seemed to either bounce off harmlessly or they would hit but barely do any damage. The bear turned and swiped at me again, low this time. I had to jump over the attack because of how low it was. It would have broken my legs if I didn't tuck them in when I jumped. I may have dodged the attack somewhat well, but the house behind me couldn't dodge, so it ended up taking the brunt of the damage. The wooden and straw house was easily turned to splinters and rubble by the powerful swipe. Some of the wreckage hit me hard enough to cause small cuts and bruises, but I barely noticed because of the adrenaline rapidly pumping through my veins. Welp... I hope the owner of that house has huge ass mystical bear attack insurance.

I charged up a more powerful laser and fired at the bear's head again. That's the only area that seems to damage it enough for it to pause. Unfortunately, it recovered faster then last time, and it tried to squash me with it's balled up fist, but I reacted by side stepping again. The bear missed, but it's paw shook the ground enough for me to lose my footing... Hoofing... Whatever. The bear then used that opportunity to swipe at me again. I was only partially ready, so when it swiped this time, one of it's claws grazed my chest. Now when I say graze, I mean my fucking chest plate was cleanly cut through, and their was a deep cut across my chest. A few inches up and the thing probably would have slit my throat. I yelled out in pain and clutched my chest, it was a pretty deep cut... I bet if I didn't have this armor my guts would be all over the floor. The bear reared back for another swipe, shit! I can't move right now... Too much pain...
I braced myself for another hit, but before it could swipe at me again a rainbow blur came out of know where, and slammed into the bear's face, knocking it's head back and confusing it. Rainbow swiftly landed next to me. "And the amazingly awesome Rainbow Dash hits her mark!" She said with a bow. "Don't celebrate yet! It's still alive!" I said with a smirk. "What is that thing anyway!?!" Rainbow cried out with wide eyes.

"It's.. An... Ursa Major... ugh!" I said as, I clutched my chest in pain and started to fall. Rainbow's eyes widened. "Woah... You're hurt!" She said as she got close and stared at my chest. "No... I'm... Erg... Fine..." I said as I stood up again slowly before collapsing again. Rainbow rushed to my side "Woah slow down there, Dawn! You're gonna make it worse!" She warned. I just looked up to her, I was about to protest when- Oh shit! The Ursa was about to swipe at us while Rainbow's back was turned. So I shot it's face, and it was knocked back again. "Buck! That was close!" Rainbow said with relief. "Rainbow! I can hold this thing off for a while longer, but you have to go get Twilight or Princess Luna!" I yelled as I started firing a constant beam at the bear, slowing it down more. "Better yet... get Princess Celestia." I added as I increased the beam's power. "No way, dude! I can't just leave you here like this!" Rainbow said with a frown. I got a very serious face as I looked her in the eye. "I'll be fine, Dash. I'm going to need them to help me take this thing down, I can't do it myself!" I snapped. "I didn't take you for the heroic type, Dawn..." Rainbow muttered. "I'm not a hero... I'm just the only one standing between this thing and innocent citizens. The guards are helping evacuate this part of town, so I have to fight this thing, alone." I stated firmly. Rainbow gave me a serious look "You know that's not true... I can help you." She said. I could feel my beam getting weaker by the second because of constant firing. "The best way you can help me is to bring us some backup... fast. Besides, that's your thing right? Speed?" I stated with a smirk.

Rainbow gritted her teeth in frustration, the bear started to fight against my beam. I strained to add more power to it but the Ursa kept coming. "Go!" I grunted. Rainbow hesitated for a second then said "You better not die..." before finally taking off into the sky. The Ursa major looked like it was about to jump up and swipe at her, and my horn was way too hot to fire off another laser. So I acted fast and started sprinting at the thing, my magic and adrenaline seemed to enhance my muscles as I rushed the Ursa. The thing was about to jump into the air and snatch Rainbow out of the sky, but I tackled it as hard as I could, causing it to stumble to the ground at the last second, it's paw clipped a single hair on Rainbow's tail. May my shoulder rest in peace, I can't feel my fucking side! Shit! I can't move! The Ursa shook it's head and glared angrily at me. It roared in my face so loud that I thought I was going to go deaf. The Ursa raised it's paw into the air, preparing to crush me, dammit now or never! I side stepped just in time to avoid it's crushing paw.

This is starting to look very bad for me... My chest burns, I can't feel my side and I'm starting to slow down. I realized that my lasers aren't working, I need to either find time to charge them longer or I need to find a weak point on it's body. Honestly, the only thing that stands out on this thing is that big star on it's forehead. Hmmm... Maybe... But that doesn't solve the charging time issue, I can't get more than 5 seconds before this thing starts lumbering at me again. Speaking of lumbering at me... Here it comes! Fuck, I've got to move!

FUCK! My muscles... Are on fire! I'm not going anywhere...
The bear slammed my left side with so much force that I was sent flying head first into the nearest building. I couldn't feel anything for a good 10 seconds afterwards. That's not a good sign... I think I broke something this time. And I have some kind of head injury because I feel blood running down my forehead. OK... That kinda... Fucked up any plans I had for attacking.... Or escaping... because I'm limping right now... Scratch that... Crawling now.... OK I'm fucked...

"Ha ha... I'm gonna die..." I muttered aloud too myself. Thankfully, everypony in the area was long gone thanks to the guards, so at least this wasn't pointless. I have to admit it was stupid of me to tell them not to come back... What the hell gave me so much confidence back there? Did my nuts miraculously triple in size? Well, it doesn't matter now because here I am...losing to a bear... I fucking hate bears, by the way.


The Ursa slowly stomped over to me, I cringed with every step as it's shadow ingulfed me. I couldn't tell at this point but Im pretty sure it's about to step on my face or something. But before anything else could happen, The bear was... Tackled? No, no, no... Thrown... The bear was fucking THROWN a couple hundred feet back? It landed on the outskirts of Ponyville where there were no houses or people to crush. Then Princess Luna descended from the sky and landed next to me. Let me tell you... For once... I'm glad to see her!

"Derrick! Are you alright?" Luna cried out as she ran up to me. I was laying on my right side unable to move because of the pain. "Just say something... Anything!" Luna blurted out desperately. "I can't feel my nuts... Or my hind legs." I managed to say with a weak chuckle. Luna smiled with relief as she snatched me up and hugged me. I groaned loudly in pain "What... what's wrong?" Luna stammered. "Ahh... Put me down, put me down!" I blurted. Luna quickly and carefully set me back on the ground. "You just made whatever I broke... Way worse..." I muttered in annoyance. "Sorry... Just hold still..." Luna said with a nervous smile. She then began to study my injuries closer and worry grew on her face. "How bad is it?" I asked with another painful grunt.

" You broke 3 ribs as well as your left fore and hindleg. You also have a concussion... " Luna said, as she cringed at the sight of me. "OK it's, erg....pretty bad then" I said sadly. "I'm not even going to get into your cuts and bruises... Especially that deep one on your chest." She added. She was about to add something else but she stopped short, she was now staring at one injury in particular. "What?" I asked worriedly. "Y-you have a shard of glass embedded into your side, I have to pull it out..." Luna said grimly. I saw her horn light up and she started pulling the glass out slowly. "Nononono!" I protested as I held in a pained scream and she stopped and looked annoyed at me. "I MUST remove the glass, Derrick... No matter how bad it hurts... " She said bluntly. "I know, I know... j-just w-wait a second..." I said nervously. "I'm going to pull in 3..." Luna warned.

"Whoa just...uh... Wait a second!"

"...2..."

"H-hold on, I'm not ready!"

"...1..."

"For love of god please don't p-"

*YANK*

"..."

I screamed the word "fuck" louder than I've ever screamed before, I had to bite my tongue so I could stop. Luna just tried to keep her composure as she started to heal my other wounds. "Sorry about that, Derrick, but it had to be done." Luna said. "I know... T-thanks" I squeaked faintly. "Unfortunately, that creature is still alive so I can only heal you enough so that you can at least move..." Luna explained with a troubled expression. She's right, I could hear the bear roaring in the background. "Well then, we have to go finish it!" I said with determination. Luna narrowed her eyes "We?" I scoffed "Yes, we! WE are going to go over there and kick that thing's ass!" I said. Luna frowned and shook her head. "No! You must stay here it's not safe!" She said sternly. Oh, HELL NO!!!

"What? Stay here? Fuck no! I wasn't finished with that thing!" I protested.

"Finish it? That creature almost finished YOU! You may be able to move, but you're in no condition to fight! Just stay here!" The Princess snapped. With that she turned and started walking away toward where the bear landed. I frowned and stood up and followed her. We walked a few feet then she angrily turned around.

"I told you to stay put, Derrick! I don't want anything to happen to you! My sister would never forgive me." Luna said with a serious expression.

I just looked at her for a few seconds and continued walking to where the bear landed. Luna watched me pass by and she looked at me like I was insane. "Are you deaf?!? I told you to-" "LUNA!" I blurted making her stop in her tracks.

"Are we going to kill that bear or not?" I stated simply. Luna took a few moments to think before sighing in defeat. Slowly a confident smirk worked its way onto her face, and she started walking forward again.

"Very well then... lets go..."
> Act 3 part 3: Bear with us
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 3 part 3: Bear with us

As a precatuion, Before we went all the way to the Ursa's location, Luna and I stopped so she could heal me back to fighting strength. Everything was back to normal for the most part, but she warned me that while still usable, any muscles and bones that were previously damaged wouldn't be as strong until I got proper rest. We made our way toward the crash site, quickly realizing it was a lot further than we thought.

"Holy crap.... How far did you throw the damn thing?" I asked with annoyance. "I may have overdone it... a little bit..." Luna admitted with a smirk. "Yeah... Ya think?" I said with a frown. Luna just laughed at my expense, then her demeanor shifted. "So... Do you have a plan?" She asked urgently. I stopped walking immediately and smiled nervously "Uh...plan?...heh...." I stuttered. Luna stopped next to me and shook me with her hoofs "Do you have brain damage? Why would you charge into such a fight without at least a BASIC plan?!?" She scolded. "Um...I do have a plan for your information..." I said sheepishly. Luna stopped shaking me and put me down, regarding me with a skeptical look. "Well then... What is it?" She asked. I sat there silent for a moment before speaking up "I was just going to go over there and kill the shit out of it..." I stated simply. Luna blinked a few times "OK... And how did you plan to go about actually doing that?" She asked. "Um...magic?" I stated with a shrug, I'm pretty sure I would have been slapped if I told anyone back home that. Luna deadpanned "That is the worst plan I've ever heard..." She said with a facehoof.

"Grr.... OK what is YOUR plan then!?!" I demanded. " Above all avoid anymore damage to Ponyville than is nessecary. Keep the citizens away from danger by keeping the creature as far away from them as possible, while also forcing it's attention on me...or us. Then as far as combat, I've determined that my assailant is not as strong as me so simple brute force should be all that's required to defeat it..." She stated verbatim without even thinking hard. OK... I'm impressed... "Wow... That's surprisingly well thought out..." I muttered. "Hardly... I am still unsure what attacks do and do not work on the creature or if it can even be killed because it's body seems to be comprised of strange magic..." Luna admitted. "Don't you know what the thing is?" I questioned curiously, I figured a Princess should know what creatures lurk around her citizens. "I'm afraid not... I've never seen a creature like this before, it probably originated during my...Exile.." She said, I noticed her mood shift again. "Exile? What Exile?" I questioned. Luna started looking uncomfortable. "It's..a long story...I'll tell you one day..." She said with a hint of sadness, I guess it's a touchy subject.

Luna cleared her throat and closed her eyes, suddenly with a flash of light, 4 swords appeared In front of her. Each sword was glowing in Luna's powerful magic, The black aggressively designed blades shimmered in the darkness similar, to her flowing hair. She flipped the swords a few times, effortlessly willing them to her sides. They stood ready, two on each side and she smirked confidentiality. She looked over to me and I had a blank, unexcited expression.

"What?" She asked, wondering why I was basically frowning at her.

"Fucking show off..." I muttered, she started laughing at me.

"I'm simply getting ready for a fight, I rarely use these so I thought...why not?" She claimed. Nope I don't believe you.

"Let me borrow one..." I asked.

"Borrow one what?"

"One of those swords!" I said, gesturing to one of the four shimmering blades. She looked at her swords and back to me. Then she looked at me like I was insane.

"Why?!?"

"I basically broke my shoulder when I tried hitting that thing, I'm not physically tough enough to go head to head with it like that, but if your swords are able to cut into it then I could have a chance..." I explained. She blinked a few times but said nothing.

"Gimme a sword...." I repeated.

"No! These are mine! " Luna said defensively, as she brought them closer to her.

"What?!? Why not???" I blurted angrily.

"Because I said so!" She said with a frown. I snorted angrily and brought a hoof to my face. Sigh...That classic "I don't have a reason so fuck you response".

"Really? You're really doing this now?" I said.

"Yes! I do not allow anypony to touch my swords!" She stated.

"But remember Luna I'm technically not a po-"

"Grrr! If you're name is not LUNA then you're not using them!" She corrected. Damn... Heavily considering making up some Bullshit about my middle name being Luna, buuut she'd probably slit my throat so...

"Oh come on! You have FOUR....fucking....swords! can't you just give me ONE?" I snapped.

"Can't you just summon one with your chaos magic?" She shot back. Hmm... I could just do that... But I'm sure whatever I conjure up won't be as cool as hers, I'll never admit it though.

"Why waste my power magic on that, when you already have FOUR perfectly good swords right there?" I said with a facehoof. Luna growled with frustration and narrowed her eyes. I walked closer to her, within grabbing distance of the swords.

"Seriously... please? I really need one!" I pleaded. She tilted her mouth slightly and sighed.

"I doubt you would even be able to handle one..." She said with a huff.

"The hell are you talking about? It's just a sword! It's not Rocket Science!" I said with a scoff.

"Rocket... Science?"

"It's a human thing, ignore it... Its out of context" I said quickly.

"It's quite heavy..." She muttured as she looked down on me with a doubtful stare. What the hell? Does she think I'm completely helpless or something?!? Those things can't be more than a few pounds, otherwise they would be shity weapons! I bet she thinks this because of how small I look to her right now. So I transformed back into my human form and stared, hopefully this will persuade her...

"I can handle it..." I said sternly, now at her eye level. She stared me down for a few seconds before rolling her eyes with a sigh. She slowly moved one of the swords toward me, handle first I slowly reached out and gripped it, my hand getting this cold tingly feeling. "OK....this is...interesting..." I said as I studied the sword closely, Luna's magic pulsed through the blade and now through me. My heart rate spiked and I started to feel stronger, but I couldn't really focus on anything and I'm a bit dazed.

"Are you OK?"

"Uh..w..what? Yeah I'm...fine..."

"You look somewhat drowsy...."

"Oh... I feel kinda...silly..."

"Then you shouldn't be fig-"

"NO I'm AWAKE! LETS kick some ass!" I said triumphantly as I tried to run off with the sword but it didn't budge, almost making me fall to the ground.

"Oh... My apologies... I was still holding it" Luna said with a crude laugh. She released it from her magic. At first it felt almost weightless, but a second later the sword started to lose it's powerful energy and the damn thing dragged me to the ground with it's crushing weight. I very comically struggled to lift the damn thing like someone strong trying to lift Thor's hammer, this shit ain't budging.

"Why....won't....it...MOVE!" I said angrily as I tried multiple times to lift it. Luna shoke her head and smiled smugly. "I told you it was quite heavy....". I gave up and stood there frustrated. " What the hell? It was weightless a second ago! And what happened to that powerful energy?" I complained. "I let go of it..." Luna said plainly. "I know but what happened to the poooower???" I demanded, as I grunted a few times trying to pick the sword up again. This time I managed to lift it up a few inches but the thing was far to heavy. "I just told you... I let go of it.." Luna repeated, slightly annoyed. I frowned and tried using my magic to lift the sword. I surrounded it with my golden aura and prepared for the lift of a lifetime.

When I pulled the sword up again, I wasn't prepared for it to be weightless again, so when I pulled it up with my full strength it went flying 30 feet into the air, I yelped as it fell back down and stabbed into the ground, an inch away from where I was just standing. "Fucking sword!" I blurted out angrily. Luna snickered behind her hoof as she watched me fumble with it. The sword was now stuck vertically in the ground with the handle facing upward. "OK...alright.... Please explain why your sword can't decide how much mass it wants to have?" I said as I crossed my arms and frowned. After a bit of laughter Luna cleared her throat.

"Try channeling your magic into the blade..." She suggested. I cocked an eyebrow and scoffed, but I went over to the sword and gripped the handle. I guess simply lifting it isn't necessarily channeling magic into something. Do I even know how to do that? Wait a sec... I do! That time when I got my magic tested during that Golden Bud bullshit, I channeled my magic into that glass orb, I'll just try the same thing here. I took a deep breath and focused. A few seconds later the sword started to change. At first it looked like Luna sword again, with it's powerful magical glow and it's memorizing dark glow. But then the color began to change. It started to change color from dark blue like Luna's magic, to golden like Celestia's magic. "Whoa...OK..." I said as it continued to change aestheticly.

However watching this sword respond to my magic so differently made me think of something... OK I have a hunch. I let go of the sword and almost immediately the golden magic faded away and the sword went back to its dull boring state. "Conventional weapons can be enhanced by channeling magic into them..." Luna said behind me. I grabbed the sword again and it glowed to life, I snatched it out of the ground and stared at it. "I see now..." I said as I turned the blade in my hands easily. I tried to show off and flip the blade like Luna did, but I failed and almost dropped it again.

"Are you... Trained to use a sword?" Luna asked.

"Haha...nope " I admitted.

"What?!? Then why would you ask for a weapon you're not trained to use?!" She snapped as she angrily snatched it away from me.

"Hey I thought it was better then breaking my fists trying to punch the thing!" I muttered.

"You correctly identified these as swords, does the same weapon exist where you're from?"

"Yeah...."

"How come you're not trained to use them?" She asked with narrowed eyes. I chuckled lightly and answered.

"I'm not exactly a warrior where I come from Princess, even if I was, Human militaries wouldn't use such a... primitive weapon...." I said with a chuckle imagining modern day soldiers running around with huge ass anime swords, Luna snorted and rolled her eyes.

"You're not talking about those new 'crossbows' that the day Guard favors now?" She said with disdain. A laugh escaped from me before I could contain it, besides a few hunters maybe, I'm pretty sure nobody really uses crossbows either.... Except Daryl Dixon of course!

"No... Thats kinda... Primitive too..." I said with a nervous smile. Luna began to look even more skeptical. "Swords and Crossbows.... Primitive? What weapons do humans use then?" She asked. " Humans use.... GUNS! " I said as I rubbed my chin. "Guns?" Luna said, her head tilting curiously. "Trust me, they're way more advanced then any crossbow..." I said with a chuckle. "I kinda wish I had one right now..." I said as I let my shoulders hang. It took me a full 3 seconds to remember that I have Chaos magic. I focused on a spot on the ground in front of me, a moment later the spot began to glow intensely, making Luna shield her eyes. After the light faded, there was a black metal object on the ground.

"Oh fuck yes!" I uttered excitedly as I snatched the thing off the ground. It weighed about 2-3 pounds, so it was pretty light. I looked over to Luna and she looked unimpressed. "It's... Tiny...." Luna said as she eyed it closely. She tried looking down the barrel and my heart jumped, I quickly snatched it away from her. "What the hell are you doing! This thing is dangerous!" I quipped. Luna just busted out laughing. "I doubt that miniscule device could even harm a fly!" She said as she waved it off like it was nothing. As she kept laughing I started to get a little irritated, so I ignored her obnoxious laughter and focused on the gun. It was an all black MP7A1 with an extended magazine, so you know a typical badass SMG...or PDW...fuck it it's cool and shit. I carefully took the safety off and cocked the gun. I pointed the thing at the ground a few feet away and braced myself. I'll fire off one shot to see if it works properly.

*click*

With a satisfying pull of the trigger the gun erupted to life with a loud bang and a bright flash, firing a single round into the ground. I was expecting way more recoil then that, I Barley even budged! Maybe it's because of my increased strength, heh...i should try one hand next time. Luna yelped and covered her ears "Heavens!" She blurted in shock. I chuckled at the idea of someone loud like Luna complaing about noise. "Haha! I'm in love!" I said as I kissed the weapon. Luna frowned at me and glared at the gun " It's still tiny..." She teased. As much as I would like to disagree, she's right! The MP7 is kind of a small gun and that Ursa is fucking huge! I don't think this will be enough sadly. I might be better off with my lasers or that sword. Then again... There ARE bigger guns out there...

Before I could get any kind of planning in I felt that familer shaking of the ground, Luna and I looked up to see the Ursa barreling at us full speed. It jumped into the air above us and was about to body slam us both 6 feet under, but we dove out of the way. It quickly stood up and glared death at us. Luna's swords came to life around her and she stood ready, while I switched my gun to full auto. We sat there glaring death at each other until the bear finally decided to act. It charged forward at us on all fours, I pulled the trigger and opened fire. The bullets bounced and tinged off of it and for the most part it was unfazed, until I tightened up and aimed at the head. It's head jerked back from the spray making the bear trip over itself and crash toward us, forcing Luna and I to evade again. The bear sat there collapsed in a heap and pawed at it's muzzle roaring in pain. Holy shit that did ALOT more then I thought it would! But... It's still very much alive.

I was about to light the thing up again but my gun responded with a hollow click.

Out of bullets

Fuck! I forgot to conjure extra mags! Luna just watched as I despritly conjured up another magazine. I tossed the empty one aside and replaced it with the new one and cocked the gun with a satisfying metallic click. The bear was starting to stand up, it gritted its teeth and stood on all 4. My gun sparked to life once again as I rained more hell onto it's face, making it stumble back again. In an instant I was out of ammo again, fuck this thing fires fast! "That weapon may be quite impressive but its not working!" Luna said as she gestured to the bear again. It was definitely in pain, but it was still standing. "This thing isn't designed to take down anything bigger than another Human..." I muttered as I reloaded again. "I think its my turn..." Luna said as she stepped in front of me. I was considering tossing the gun aside and just using lasers in my Unicorn form, but I have a...small hunch about something, and so far that's been a good thing.

Luna smirked confidentiality before zipping forward with her sword in tow. The bear reacted then began to swipe at her. She doged it's attacks with ease and with a battle cry she sored into the air above the Ursa. As she fell, she pointed her swords downward. The bear looked up and roared defiantly, but before it could do anything else Luna slammed into it knocking it flat on it's ass, then she jammed her swords into the Ursa's neck. Before either of us celebrated, we began to quickly realize this thing has a habit of not fucking dying. Before Luna could retrieve her swords it grabbed her and slung her into the nearest building at breakneck speed. Are you fucking serious? Stabbing it in the neck with 4 swords did absolutely NOTHING? Fuck this bear!

The Ursa pulled the swords out of it's neck and looked at me. Is... Is that...a smile? "Oh sh-" was all I uttered before Luna's swords were thrown at me like fucking daggers. I dove to the side and narrowly avoided them. I looked at the spot where I just was and the 3 swords were stuck into the ground. Wait a second... There were four swords not thre- Fuck! The fourth sword came at me like a rocket and ended up skimming my left arm painfully. Still holding the gun I clutched it painfully as I glared up at the Ursa. It looked like it was... Laughing??? Is this thing taunting me? What the hell? FUCK YOU! Your going to pay for cutting my only hoodie!

I noticed that Luna was still nowhere to be seen, she must still be in that building! I need to get over there. I sucked up my pain and went into a full sprint toward the building that Luna was thrown into, it was a few hundred feet away at least, but guess who's big ass came lumbering after me again? I peeked behind me and the beast was rapidly closing in. I pointed the gun at the bear with one hand and opened fire as I ran. Like before I aimed at the head and scored a couple hits making it slow it's stride long enough for me to get to the house. Thankfully I could see Luna stepping out of the ruined house...unharmed? I ran to her side and hunched over to catch my breath.

"Well I wasn't quite expecting that..." She said looking embarrassed. I quickly studied her body and noticed she wasn't hurt... Like at all... Not a fucking scratch!


"Fucking alicorns..." I muttered as buried my head into my free hand. I'm pretty sure if that thing threw ME into the building that hard, I would have suddenly come down with a sudden case of snapped spinal cord with death as an immediate symptom, but Luna just gets up like it was nothing. Not gonna lie... Slightly turned on by this...uh I mean... Its slightly impressive! Yep exactly what I ment!

"What?" Luna asked, apprantly I was staring.

"Forget it. We need a plan, nothing we've done so far is really hurting it." I said with a grunt as I studied my gun again, I'm going to try testing that hunch soon.

"We need to focus our attacks on the creature's head, that's the only area that's yeilded results..." She said wiping dust off herself. She looked at me and noticed I was hurt "Again Derrick?" She said as she quickly healed me." Hey I'm not invincible like you and your sister... " I said with a shrug. "My sister and I aren't invincible..." Luna said with a sad expression. "Crap! here it comes!" I interrupted, as the Ursa came charging at us again, this thing is awfully predictable... Too bad it resists all of our attacks. I decided that now was a good time to play that hunch! Let's see... Luna said that you can channel magic into Weapons right? Well let's see what happens to my MP7! I channeled my magic into the gun, it began to glow golden at the seams and had a powerful aura around it. I used significantly more magic then I did with the sword so this shit better work.

I pulled the trigger and a near instantaneous beam of golden light cast out of the barrel and hit the Ursa square in it's chest. The beam seemed to explode on contact because there was a second bang and the Ursa was sent flying into a building. Holy shit... That was 1 bullet...1 fucking bullet did that? "Eat shit and die!" I yelled as I proceeded to light the whole building up. The constant firing kicked up a massive dust cloud that got thicker with each round I fired. I noticed that I fired way more than 40 rounds, and the gun was still going, Meaning it doesn't require physical ammunition, just Magic.... A lot of magic...

I ended up using a lot more then I probably should have, but if the Ursa dies then it will all be worth it. I started to feel drained and tired which was my cue to stop firing. All that was left was an enormous dust cloud. I turned to Luna and her mind was blown, with a *poink* her wings sprung out and stayed erect, she was basically doing what Celestia did when I turned into that alicorn. I really need to ask them what it means when they're wings stay open like that. "I..I believe you v..vanquished the c...creature..." Luna stuttered. Wait... Since when does Luna stutter like that? OK....

"Nope. I've seen way too many movies where the smoke fades and the thing is still alive..." I said with a frown, I swear this bitch is still alive I just know it. "Movies?" Luna questioned. "Forget it. Just wait..." I said as I extended the gun's stock and shouldered it. I walked toward the smoke cloud, I'm going to pop that thing right in the head as soon as the smoke clears. I have to make sure I don't use too much magic or I might pass out or something. Alright I don't want to get too close to the smoke either, or it might snatch me through it or something. Before either of that could happen I noticed a faint glow coming from within the smoke. I immediately stopped in my tracks. What the hell? "Derrick..." Luna said behind me cautiously. Suddenly a large beam erupted from the smoke and struck me. The entire front of my body was in intense pain as it instantly melted the gun in my hands and threw me back toward Luna. Then as if that wasn't enough the force of the beam made me slam into Luna and we both went flying backward into a building. My 5 senses refused to work for about 10 seconds, which probably wasn't a good thing. Slamming into Luna like that hurt almost as much as the beam that knocked me into her in the first place. I swear to god Alicorns are living descendants of the original fucking Brick wall! Or they're fucking bones are made of adamantium like wolverine!

I was laying on top of Princess Luna who looked just as dazed as me. I looked to my hand and struggled to move my fingers, that gun melting in my hand almost burnt it off completely, I glanced sadly at the destroyed gun, I was about to kill this thing with it! Im too drained right now to conjure up another one. Welp back to lasers I guess... I switched back into my Unicorn form and tried to get up but to no avail, Jesus.... I need to stop getting hit... I'm simply not built for this bullshit...Yet...

I quickly realized the position Luna and i were in, she was flat on her back with her legs spread out, and my crippled form was laying on her belly. I cringed and rolled off her. She was to busy sweating and painting with that same look from before, to notice that I moved. If Luna didn't cushion my fall, I would likely had that case of "serious spine snapping". "Hey Princess... You OK?" I asked worriedly. She vigorously shook her head and got out of that weird trance she was in. "Oh.. Im fine, the slight dizziness will pass... I think..." She said as she immediately got up. "Come let us finish this creature..." She said with a serious expression. I started to chuckle slowly "Well... I would totally join you in the ass kicking, but I can't even move right now..." I said. Luna's determination faltered for a moment.

"I'm fed up with this creature throwing us around!" She snapped angrily. She gritted her teeth and started to power up. She was getting pissed... Like super pissed...no this is what I like to call "epic rage". The Ursa tried reaching into the building, pushing past furniture and personal belongings to reach us, but Luna charged the creature at a speed I couldn't follow. Holy shit! The power emanating from her right now is massive! Was she holding back? It's right around Celestia's right now! I can only imagine how strong Celestia is when powered up!

She tackled the thing so hard that it went flying back toward the outskirts. "Holy fuck!" I blurted out loud. The pain finally premmitted me to stand, it turned out I'm not as hurt as when Luna saved me, nothing is broken, however I'm still limping for some reason, I can tell all of you that it's not a fun experience. I limped out of the house and into the street, I could see Luna standing on the ground definitely as the now recovered Ursa opened it's mouth wide. A light formed deep in it's mouth, hey that looks like...

"Luna look out!" I yelled, But it was too late. The Ursa's Beam streamed forward and struck Luna. I cringed as I feared the worse, dreading seeing her crippled body on the floor... Wait what? Luna hadn't budge an inch, the Ursa's Laser washed over her but... Did nothing. The Ursa stopped firing and looked somewhat deaprate...afraid of her as she slowly walked to it. It backed away, it's face frozon in genuine fear, but then it started to look angry, like it suddenly built up confidence again. It opened it's mouth and charged once more, Luna was right below it at this point. When it fired down on her, she jumped into the air and hit it with a powerful uppercut, immediately snapping it's jaw shut, and knocking it's head back with a loud *Crack*. "Shut your mouth you vile creature!" Luna yelled at it as she proceeded to beat the living shit out of it. Hey... I could totally do that... I would just end up with two broken arms, or hooves . I quickly realized that whatever injuries I get in my varuios forms carry over to the next one, so if I break my arm as a human then my leg will be broken as a pony. Fortunately I didn't break anything as far as I could tell, but I couldn't do much besides clutch my wounds and watch Luna sling that poor thing around like a ragdoll. This is honestly kind of hot....er... I mean....she's kind of hot...no! I mean I'm feeling kind of hot right now, yeah that's it!

"Derrick!" Called a familer voice behind me. I turned to see Twilight and her friends rushing up to me worriedly. They all ran up and grabbed me in a tight embrace. "We were so worried about you!" Twilight said. "Owowow! Let go!" I yelped in pain. They all literally dropped me to the floor. "Grr...you didn't have to let go like that..." I grumbled.
"My Celestia... You're hurt badly!" Rarity blurted with a horrified look. "Oh... I'm good... It's part of the costume..." I said with a fake laugh as a drop of blood rolled down from my bleeding forehead, awesome timing blood. Twilight immediately started to heal me as the other girls struggled to contain they're concern. "What happened?" Applejack asked.

"These two goofy kids thought it was a good idea to lead that thing to town so that they're great and Power wizard could fight it or something..." I explained. "That Great and Powerful Wizard wouldn't happen to be Trixie... Would it?" Twilight guessed. "Yep, she just ran off leaving me to fight the thing." I said with a frown. "You fought an Ursa Major... ALONE?!?" Twilight blurted. "Heh...yeah... I told Dash to go get you or one of the Princesses, I figured I could hold it off until one of them arrived... That didn't go well I said With a shake of my head. " Speaking of Dash... Where is she?" I wondered. "We haven't seen Dashie since she went looking for you! It was weird because Princess Luna left at the same time..." Pinkie answered with her energetic self. That's weird... They BOTH went to look for me? That means Dash is probably getting Celestia right now, too bad the Ursa is basically dead.

"Heh... Princess Luna is over there wiping the floor with that Ursa Major.." I said with a smirk as I pointed to her on the outskirts. Everyone looked and gasped, Luna threw the Ursa into the air again and it landed a few feet in front of us. The thing barley had one eye open and it's blue body seemed to fade in and out. It layed flat on it's belly with it's head facing us.

"Holy molley!" Applejack said.

"Oh my..." Rarity said with horror.

"Cool!" Pinkie said with a wide smile.

Fluttershy said nothing, she just turned pale, and Twilight was looking skeptical, she looked like she was trying to remember something. The bear's jaws suddenly gapped open and and began charging that beam again. "Buck! Get Down!" I yelled. Before any of us could react, Luna came out of knowhere and slammed on top of the bears muzzle, snapping it's mouth shut and burrying it's muzzle into the ground, leaving that star on it's forehead completely open. Luna started to charge a laser attack but Twilight suddenly yelped. "What?" I asked. "That's... Not an Ursa major... This is an Ursa Minor!" She said, with growing fear. "Princess Luna please stop!" She blurted, but it was too late. Luna fired the beam straight into the star on it's forehead. The glow in the bear's eyes instantly faded, and it's body began to slowly fade away until there was nothing left but a small hole where Luna had jammed the thing's face into the floor.

"Good riddance!" Luna said with a smirk as she walked over to us. This time all I could see on her were a few minor bruises, but she maintained her indestructibility. "Nonono! This is BAD!" Twilight said as she started having a mental breakdown. "What? Why? Luna just wiped the floor with that thing! The town is saved!" I said, I cocked an eyebrow at her. "You don't understand! Ponyville is doomed!" She yelled as she began to shiver. "Explain yourself Twilight sparkle!" Luna snapped. "Yeah Twilight what do you mean Ponyville is doomed?" Applejack asked. All eyes were on her as she explained sheepishly.

"The creature you just killed was NOT an Ursa major!" She stated. Everyone looked at each other in confusion as she continued "That was only an Ursa Minor, a young Ursa. a...Baby..." Twilight said grimly. Fluttershy yelped again as she began to look teary eyed, being an animal lover and all that probably cut deep. So Luna just killed a baby... So what?!? The thing almost killed a bunch of innocent citizens! Hell it almost killed ME! What? is PETA going to sue us or something?!? Or whatever the pony equivalent is? "OK it was a baby...and it's dead now, what's your point?" I demanded. "The point is that bear has a MOTHER, and she's going to be VERY upset with us!" She said shakingly.

LOL WAT?

We all sat in silence, processeing what Twilight just said. This big ass bear that nearly killed me... TWICE was a baby... A fucking child!?! You know what that means? Momma has to be at least twice this thing's size! before I could finish my thoughts on how fucked we were, I was assaulted with a ear splitting sound that only served to tell me how fucked we were. There was a roar so loud, that we all covered our ears and cringed painfully. When the sound stopped we all looked toward a steady stomping sound coming from the other side of town. We slowly turned to see the mother of all fucking mystical bears stomping toward Ponyville. It was all the way on the other side of town but it was so big we could see it clearly from here. It was purple and definitely bigger than the minor, infact I swear this thing is comparable to one of those monsters from Pacific rim, or Godzilla. Yep that's about right... Yep... Just fucking doomed...

"Well it was nice knowing you girls... " I said as I lowered my head grimly. "No! This creature will not harm ANYPONY!" Luna yelled as her eyes glowed white and her power surged again. Without another word she charged off toward the major leaving us all behind. "That thing is all the way across town!" Rarity said. "Well then I better start running..." I muttered as I took off toward the Major. "Dawn wait!" Twilight called out but it was already too late, I'd slipped away behind a building just in time. There is no damn way I could make it in time to save anyone if I have to run across the whole town, I'd be too tired too stand after a run like that, let alone fighting. So I took this opportunity to quickly switch to my Pegasus form to save time. I flew low over the buildings so I wouldn't be spotted by anyone. After a minute of flying I spotted Luna on the ground looking up at the Major. I landed behind a nearby building and turned back into Dawn.

This must have been where everyone was evecuated to, because there are a SHIT LOAD of ponies here. Now they were forced to retreat again in the opposite direction. So far besides being loud the major seemed to be searching for something. It ignored the fleeing Citizens as it loudly sniffed around. I ran up to Luna and looked up at the thing, my ears instantly drooped and I started to shiver, you know what? I think I might die... Luna somehow held her determined glare despite essentially facing Godzilla directly. Holy shit... She's fucking fearless! I could never be that brave! Wait a sec... I ran out here to fight it too... Well I guess either my balls quadrupled in size, or I'm really fucking stupid...or both.

The Major kept sniffing until it paused, it started to lower it's nose near Luna. It sniffed a few more times before growling. It's eyes locked with Luna's and it lowered it's head to face her. I noticed Luna's hard stare falter for just a moment but it remained strong. It took one more wiff before snarling angrily. Why the fuck is it sniffing her? Realization hit me like a brick wall..oh I mean... realization hit me like an Alicorn. The smell of the minor must be all over Luna, and somehow that thing knows...it knows Luna killed it's baby.

"Make a move you repulsive abomination!" Luna spat. That was the thing's cue to strike. Let me just say... It was a fucking genius idea to fight the mother of something that almost killed me effortlessly...

...

Inside the Royal castle, Princess Celestia was laying back on her bed reflecting... Normally she would have long been asleep, but right now she simply couldn't. There were too many things nagging at her mind. Now when you're the Co-leader of a country, they'll always be things nagging at your mind... Lots of politics... Economic issues... public relations... ETC. But those were pretty low on the list at the moment. She wasn't thinking about snooty nobles or spreedsheets, she was thinking about the Human that changed her life less than a week ago.

Her first impression of him was one of wonder, he was a literal living legend after all. But not a few moments after they met that impression quickly changed. Celestia knew that her horn was... Quite long... After all it wasn't the first time she's been told that, nore was it the first time somepony accidentally touched it. She was well aware of the effects that touching horns entails, All the subconscious decisions that you end up making to bring each other closer and what not. But in the past she was simply able to resist the urges until they faded. She was prepared to do the same this time around as well, she thought DJ was kind of... cute, but she wasn't looking for a soulmate or anything. But ever since that day she spent with him the urges became stronger, the attraction more legitimate.

While she still struggles to truly accept it, she does like him. She sometimes catches herself thinking about him, mostly innocent thoughts besides a few occasions where she had... A few rouge 'Naughty fantasies'. She mostly thought about what he's doing, where he is, WHO HE'S WITH. That was also another thing she was worried about... The jealousy she would feel sometimes. Princess Celestia was far from the jealous type, after all... When you're one of the most Intelligent, Beautiful, Powerful, Rich and Adored mares in Equestria, there isn't really anypony you could be jealous of... Except Princess Luna of course...

Her sister had the brains, the looks, and the money too match, Despite her not being as strong or as famed. Nevertheless she was like herself 'a good catch' as some stallions tend to put it. She was also the only other mare to touch horns with DJ. She was going through a similar situation as her, subconscious decisions, rouge thoughts and so on. She loved her little sister to death, it hurt her so, to be forced to banish her to the Moon, and it brought her great joy to see her return 1000 years later. Despite her love for her sister, when she saw her with Derrick... she was absolutely livid! She even considered banishing her again on the spot. This kind of anger... This kind of hate... Was completely uncharacteristic and it scared her. Thankfully she has the self control to keep herself from banishing her sister because of a fit of jealousy. She thought it was immature to fret about such things.

Unfortunately... recent actions by her sister have tried her self control. She still couldn't grip the fact that her sister stole Derrick's first kiss with a mare away from her. 'How dare she?!?' She kept thinking to herself. She had to constantly remind herself that Derrick probably only did it because he was drunk, especially judging from his reaction to finding out.

They had an argument about the issue not too long ago and after almost an hour of debating they agreed to try and give each other a fair chance. They also agreed to avoid smothering him, because they already know how Derrick is uncomfortable with the idea of relationships with ponies, they both agreed it was cute how he would get nervous and choke up when he's around girls sometimes. She thought that with time that he will most likely become comfortable with the idea, she could feel the eternal debate that he was having about the very subject. He may deny it now but she's caught him peeking a few times, and he blushes alot too, she just pretended not to notice. It was now just a waiting game, either she or her sister win his heart the normal way, or the season comes around and they have to compete with all of Equestria.

Celestia didn't like the fact that this occupied her thoughts so often, normally it was easy for her to shut out certain issues( like Blue Blood's constant whining). She should really get to sleep she thought, she needs to get some rest so she can raise the morning sun. She got into a more comfortable position and closed her eyes.

A minute or two later she was about to sucomb to tiredness, but a loud knock came on the door. Celestia shot up in her bed and growled. She was a kind and lenient pony most of the time, that had few rules. But whoever was knocking at the door right now just broke one of her most important ones: Don't disturb her after her shift!

"Um...Princess Celestia? The element of Loyalty is requesting a word with you..." A young guard said. "Can it wait until Tomorrow? I'm quite TIRED..." Celestia replied dryly with irritation. " She says it's important..." The guard said. " Very well, I'll be a moment..." She said as she quickly gathered herself. With a flash of her horn, she was instantly in her Royal Regalia. She usually preferred to not take the magic shortcut to things, but she wanted to deal with the matter and go to sleep as soon as possible. She flung the door open and stepped out (Keep in mind how big the doors to her Chambers are) startling the guard waiting on the other side. Celestia looked upon the guard with impatience. "Where?" Was all she said. "Oh uh...she's waiting in the thr-" the guard was interrupted by a Rainbow haired mare zipping around the corner.

"There you are I couldn't wait in the throne room!" Dash said as she ran up to the Princess and did a quick bow. "What 'important' matter brings you to my castle at 12:00 pm?" Celestia asked with a cocked brow. Rainbow Dash appeared out of breath, her pupils were dialated and she was sweating profusely. Despite her desperation Celestia thought the issue was trivial, and she was just over reacting about something like that time the wonderbolts canceled their air show because of a wing injury. Dash waited a few moments so she could catch her breath. Celestia began to tap her hoof impatiently, a quality only shown when she's tired or grumpy.

"PONYVILLE IS UNDER ATTACK!!!" She blurted. The guard's ears drooped and Celestia's eyes widened. "By whom?" Celestia asked quickly. She immediately feared the worst. Did the Dragons form an alliance of some sort and strike? Are the Griffons ignoring or forgetting peace treatys again? "It's this huge bear thing!" Rainbow said. Celestia tilted her head slightly. "Huge bear thing? What do you..." She paused and tensed up when she realized what she was describing. "Please tell me its not an Ursa..." Celestia pleaded. "Yeah! It was an URSA MAJOR that's what Dawn said it was..." Rainbow confirmed. Celestia's blood began to run cold, an Ursa major? Attacking Ponyville? If that's really the case there might be nothing left... "Wait... Where is Derr- Dawning Jade???" She demanded. "He's trying to hold the thing off, he told me to get you!" Rainbow explained.

Celestia heart essentially stopped at that moment. Derrick is fighting an Ursa Major? He may posses powerful magic, but he simply doesn't have the training or control to utilize it properly! He'll be SLAUGHTERED! "On my way here I told Princess Luna about it so she's probably fighting it too..." Rainbow added. That relieved Celestia somewhat but Ponyville is still in grave danger. Celestia knew Luna was powerful, but handling an Ursa Major is beyond her, especially since the creature popped up during her exile, she would have no knowledge of it.

Celestia looked to the guard and he snapped to attention. "Inform the Captain immediately, tell him to bring rescue and relief teams, as well as his top Unicorns squads!" She snapped. "Yes your Highness! Right away!" The guard said with a salute as he bolted away. "Miss Dash come with me..." Celestia ordered as she galloped Down the hall at full speed with determination on her face. Dash had to fly just to keep up with her. "We have a bear to silence..." Celestia said coldy as the two went out of a nearby entrance and took to the air."Here we come...uh.. Ursa thingie!" Dash said confidently.

...

I think we may really be in trouble here... This thing is determined to kill Luna! She flew around the Ursa's head firing lasers, trying to hit the star on it's forehead. But the Ursa strategically covered it with it's paw, and swiped at her with the other. I in the mean time, used this opportunity to charge up a beam attack. Luna bobbed and weaved around the Ursa's head, further infuriating it. However I could tell she couldn't keep this up forever, I noticed her exhaustion from the strain, she just got done beating the shit out of the minor after all, so she had to be slowing down. As if the Ursa could hear my fucking thoughts, one of it's swipes finally hit home. With a loud crack and a painful scream she was knocked into the ground nearby. The fact that she screamed alarms me, did this thing actually manage to hurt an Alicorn?

To my horror my suspicions were confirmed when I saw her struggle to stand and I noticed her left wing was bent the wrong way. The Ursa let out a loud snort as it gazed down on Luna. I've been charging this attack for two minutes now, so I think that's adiqute charge time for epic laser rape don't you think? I quickly aimed at the Ursa head and released  the attack. A gigantic devastating beam of golden energy shot out toward it. The major saw it and tried to move, but despite its evasion attempt, it ended up hitting it square in it's chest. The beam surprisingly cut right through it, leaving a decent hole in the chest area where I could see the stary night sky. The bear choked loudly and clutched the wound, slowly falling backwards with so much force it knocked Luna and I off our hooves. After the dust settled I stood up and observed the damage. It's eyes were still wide open but they're intense glow faded, and it's limbs twitched ever so slightly. I could see that the hole in it's chest was already regenerating, but at a slow rate.

I ran up to Luna who was still collapsed on the ground. "Arg.... I'm quite impressed... First that tiny human weapon knocked the minor off it's feet.... and now this...y...you have a lot of hidden power Derrick..." Luna said with the best smile she could muster considering the pain. "Yeah well thanks... To bad I missed..." I said with a weak chuckle. "That things already regenerating... It's going to be back with a vengeance soon..." I said grimly. "Haha... well it is simple for you now... Don't miss..." Luna said with a giggle, enturrupted by sharp pain. " Gonna have to get you somewhere safe first... That thing is after you.... Can you move? " I asked. Luna grunted painfully but managed to stand. I'm not a fucking doctor or a veterinarian, but her wing is broken, and her left foreleg might be too. She tried to take a step but she almost collapsed to the ground, so I lifted her with my magic. "I'll take that as a no..." I muttured. "Hurry... Agh.... The creature is breathing again..." Luna said as she pointed to the Ursa, whos chest rose and fell ever so slightly. "Hang on!" I said as I began to run down the street full speed, but I had to stop immediately because of what was in it.

Shit.

All the Towns people were slowly streaming into it, blocking it off completely. What the hell are they doing? That bear is about to come back and they'll all be slaughtered! They probably think the thing is dead or something. I heard them whispering among themselves.

"Wow did you see that beam?"

"Yeah! It blasted right through that bear!"

"I think that came from the new guy!"

"The new guy? You mean Princess Celestia's new student?"

"Yeah him! The Hottie!"

"Woo! Good job new guy!"

"Yeah! That was phenomenal Mr. Jade!"

"I love you!"

"Wait a second I just saw Princess Luna fighting the creature a minute ago!"

"No man you've got it wrong bro! She's injured!"

"Oh my I hope she's alright!"

"Naw bro thiers no way Princess Luna got injured, I bet he's just holding her to be nice..."

"Wow he's such a Gentlecolt..."

"Well ah am just glad that big critter is dead..."

"I know right! " I wonder what the new guy is going to say?"

"What? Like a heroic speech or something?"

"Yeah! That would be totally wicked... Let's listen..."

...

"WHAT THE BUCK ARE YOU DOING!!! GET YOUR PLOTS IN GEAR AND RUN YOU BUCKING RETARDS!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Did he.....did he just call us retards?

"Oh my... Such foul language... I like it..."

"Wow he's so hot when he's mad..."

"Hey! Listen to me! It's not safe, that thing is still alive! You have to get away!" I snapped at the crowd. The crowd just sat and stared at me blanky, the guys with they're deadpan faces, and the plentiful girls with they're lustful stares and slobbering. "Do as he commands citizens!" Luna said, quickly getting the attention. The citizens gasped, they must have realized how dangerous it was when they saw I was carrying an injured Alicorn and began to sprint in the opposite direction again. Two older looking Unicorn ponies emerged from the crowd and ran up to me. "We can take you somewhere safe your highness!" One of them offered. I looked at Luna for confirmation, I'm not going to hand her over to some random dudes unless she's OK with it. Luna nodded and I gently set her down, only for her to be raised again by one of the ponies. "You must be careful Dawning Jade..." Luna started. "Yeah yeah don't die, I got it..." I said with a wink. Luna smiled in return as the crowd of ponies left once again, carrying their injured Princess away from danger.

I turned and started to jog back toward the Ursa. It still wasent up, but I could see that it's nearly regenerated completely. "Well time to go die..." I joked to myself. Then my heart stopped when I saw something. Those 3 little girls from ealier were standing maybe 50 feet from the Ursa's head, observing it curiously. Shitshitshit! Why are those kids there!?! I ran at them as fast as I could.

"Wow... That Dawning jade Guy sure did a number on this thing..." Applebloom said."Yeah! The whole town must have saw that beam he used on it!" Sweetie bell said "I can't believe he beat a..." Scootaloo paused when she couldn't remember what it was called. "Ursa major?" Sweetie bell finished for her. "Yeah...what she just said..." Scootaloo said with a giggle."I wonder if there is a cutie mark for defeating Ursa Majors..." Applebloom pondered. "Maybe... I'm just glad we were in that building so we could see the fight!" Scootaloo said. "Yeah unlike those weirdos Snips and snails, they were to scared to watch with us..." Sweetie said.

"RUN AWAY!!!" I screamed at them, they're heads darted in my direction. "Hey...isn't that Dawning Jade?" Scootaloo questioned. "Yeah it is...he's telling us to...run away?" Sweetie bell said. "That thing's still alive!" I said as I got closer. The girl's eyes widened and their ears drooped as the Ursa finally began to stir up again. It started to rise up on it's feet again as I got to the girls. "Come On! You have to run!" I said as I nudged them, without a word they started to gallop away. Fuck! They'll never get away in time! I have to grab them, I run faster anyways! I thought as I snatched them all up with my magic. The Ursa was now towering over us once again. Uh oh... It had it's mouth open... It going to vaporize us! Dammit! I have to get away! These kids... They're families will morn them... No! That's not happening! I have to save them!

I started to feel a large power, rapidly getting closer, the power was felt very familiar, but I can't worry about that now, the Ursa is firing it's laser! The gigantic blue beam coming from it's mouth looked a lot like one of those Ki attacks from Dragon ball Z. It reached out and struck the ground immediately behind me, it appears that the Ursa missed me by an inch. But unfortunately the explosion following the beam caught me. The force and pressure from the explosion hit me so hard that I ended up losing my magical grip on the girls and we were all thrown high into the air. I was thrown at a much higher speed then the girls because of proximity, a speed that is most likely fatal. I watched the girls as they tumbled through the air slowly, screaming loudly and absolutely terrified, hopefully they all survive this...

Suddenly I saw the girls get snatched out of the air by a Rainbow bullet. "What the fu-" I started to say, I stopped once I felt my speed and momentum vanish. I could feel that same familiar colossal power right on top of me. There were two forelegs wrapped around me that had golden slippers on. My back was also against some really soft fur I looked up to see Princess Celestia's Angel like figure smiling warmly at me. I was completely speechless, mostly because I was baffled that I didn't turn into jelly after running into her. I glanced over to where the girls just were and I saw Rainbow dash wearing a confident smirk and Holding all three girls, two on her forelegs and 1 on her head. I sighed with relief as we all gently floated to the ground. Rainbow took off with the girls toward the evacuating ponies, leaving Celestia and I on the ground.

She set me down gently and I proceeded to get hipnotized by those magneta orbs that are her eyes...uh I mean... I looked at her. " I swear...I'm so fucking done getting saved by girls... " I said bluntly with a facehoof. At first Celestia frowned "This is the third godamn time within the last 20 minutes..." I added. Celestia's frown faltered slightly but it remained. " Just let me die next time unless I've saved YOU at least once...OK?" I said. That was enough to set Celestia off and she busted out laughing. "You think I'm joking? You saved me from Getting executed, then you taught me how to fly... Then procedded to save me from falling to death, then you sealed away the chaos magic corrupting me, then you saved me from Rainbow dash..." I listed. Celestia began to blush lightly as I continued. "And now this...you saved me from becoming a pancake... You've done a lot for me..." I said as I got closer to her. "Thank you..." I whispered. I nuzzled her cheek affectionately. Celestia returned the nuzzle for about 0.799999 seconds before I realized what I was doing and jumped away.

OK... I've crossed the fucking line... What the fuck am I doing?!? I just Nuzzled the shit out of her cheek! WHHHHY?????? I mean... I don't even nuzzle people what the hell!?! OK... Definitely need to talk to someone about this shit, I swear I'm cursed or something. Celestia let out one of those little girl giggles and I just buried my face into my hoofs. "I can't even...ugh!" I said in frustration. " No need to thank me Derrick... I'm here for you..." She said with a warm smile. Her saying that made me feel... Weird... Not necessarily in the good way... I think... I don't know... My emotions are all over the fucking place right now. "So what's that all about?" Celestia asked, gesturing to my armor trying to change the subject as if she could feel my unease. "Oh this... It's nothing... I caved and made this for the nightmare night or whatever" I said waving it off. Celestia walked over to me and felt the armor. "You did an amazing job! I like how you made it look battle tested by adding this!" She commented as she looked at the chest plate. "Heh...oh...that uh... scratch" I said with nervous laughter. "I think you overdid it somewhat..." She said. "Maybe... I didn't exactly have control over the Ursa minor ripping into my chest..." I said with a chuckle. Celestia started to look wide eyed as she realized that any holes, marks or scratches were actually inflected on me. "Yeah that thing kinda almost killed me... until your sister killed the shit out of it..." I said with a chuckle. "That would explain some things... Wait where is she?" Celestia said as she looked around despritly. " She's evacuating with the other citizens... They're carrying her to safety... " I said avoiding Celestia's gaze. "She's being carried? What happened?" She asked with increasing worry. "That bear didn't take to kindly to... Look out! " I suddenly snapped as the bear brought it's massive paw down to squash us. I tried to dive away but because of the massive size of it, I'm going to get squashed anyway.

"Oh shi-" I started to say as I tucked myself up, ready for death.... Then...I realized after a few seconds that i was still alive...huh...this must be the part where everything goes in slow motion and I start seeing flashbacks....or not... What the hell is going on... What is the Princess doing... Oh... Oh my.

The Ursa majors massive crushing paw was being held up by Princess Celestia. What made it a lot more intresting was she appeared to be doing it with pure physical strength alone. She had a serious determined expression as a drop of sweat ran down her forehead as she stood tall and resisted. She seemed to be struggling ever so slightly but it was clear that this Ursa's going to have to try harder to flatten us. This display of strength quickly made me realize something... Celestia...is...really... Hot... The second I thought of that my horn started to emit these strange sparks, that reminded me of the ones that came from Celestia and Luna's Horns right before they hugged the shit out of me... Hmm... My Tail is wagging slowly, my cheeks are hot ,hell I think my nose is bleeding too! What does this crap mean?!? I don't understand Pony body language!

Eventually I looked down, and realization dawned instantaneously. Apprantly...some things never change...regardless of your biology... Shiiiiiiiiiiit. Why now?? Why the fuck NOW? This is not the time to get...excited.... Regardless of how...nice that ass is....it's a bit tighter compared to Luna's but...... Wait.... Did I really just? Nononono! I swear without a doubt that i am cursed! Fucking CURSED!

I seemed to forget the urgancy of this situation because I was just sitting there with a blank expression on the outside, a tiny bit of drool on my mouth. "Heh... You know... I can't hold this forever..." Celestia said with a strained smile. I blinked a few times before silently cursing myself and running away from under the paw. I really should be worrying about the potential deadly bear right here but I'm just a little concerned on how descriptive and detailed my rouge mental fantasies of... you know who, got within the span of a mere 10 seconds. And the worst part? I'm not drunk. Now that I was away from the paw Celestia crouched down low, spreading her wings out as her muscles tensed to hold the paw. With a grunt she used her leg and wing power to push the bear's paw upward. The force of her push ended up flipping the bear upward before it landed squarely on it's back completely confused, she just knocked this huge bitch on it's ass.


Well then... I see she has that quite under control then... Unlike me with these fantasies... Well...let's just say I'm going to need a lot of... "Alone Time"... after this is over...




> Act 3 part 4: Small talk
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 3 part 4: Small talk

Princess Celestia landed next to me after knocking the Huge ass mystical bear onto it's back with minimal effort. "That's not even fair..." I muttered as I shook my head. Celestia just gave me her signature smug grin. "So... It's safe to assume you can handle the Ursa?" I said hopefully. like Luna warned, despite the healing spells fixing things, I won't truly be back to normal until I get some rest, because all these injuries are starting to catch up to me. "Yes, I shall hold off the Ursa... Shining Armor should be arriving with the Royal Guard shortly, just relax until then. You've certainly earned the rest." Celestia said with a reassuring grin. I nodded and she took off into the air, almost knocking me over from her wing force. With that I finally leaned against the wall of a nearby house and relaxed.

"Woooo... I don't think I'm ever moving from this fucking spot again..." I muttered out loud. I feel like I ran a marathon... With a boeing 747 on my back (for those of you that are scrubs, it's a bigass airplane!)

A few moments later, Rainbow Dash landed next to me. "What are you doing Dawn? Get up so we can kick some plot!" She said with a nudge. "Nah, my body is done! I can barely move right now as it is." I said as I pushed her muzzle away. At first she looked like she didn't understand, then she saw all the Various scratches and dents in my armor. "You got healed too many times didn't you?" She said with a deadpan expression. "Yeah... I'm starting to feel like I was never healed in the first place. Wait... How did you you know?" I asked curiously. "I thought that Twilight's healing spell could keep me out of the hospital forever. So I.. went kinda nuts with my stunts, thinking that I was invincible. Then my injuries eventually caught up with me..." Rainbow said with a nervous smile, as she rubbed the back of her head. I let out a weak laugh before being forced to stop because my chest feels like it was on fire.

"Hey! take it easy there big guy!" She said, her smile disappearing instantly. "Heh... I'll be fine... I think..." I said with another laugh. I looked back at Celestia fighting the Ursa and I've got to say... You know what? I better not say, or I'll get...erm.... "excited" again. I think simply saying that she's kicking it's ass will suffice. I turned back to Rainbow and cocked an eyebrow. "Shouldn't you be over there kicking plot?" I questioned. "I dunno... I'd say that the Princess has this... covered..." Rainbow said, as she watched The Bear hit Celestia with the same paw that knocked Luna out of the sky. Celestia just sat in the air completely unfazed by the attack. You know... it's shit like this that kinda makes me afraid of her! I mean... what if I do something to piss her off? I don't think I'd survive her wrath...

"Hey look! The Royal guard is here!" Rainbow said as she pointed to the sky. There were about 5 carriages that came swooping in, with a few Pegasus guards flying alongside them. They were definitely flying way faster then they were whenever I was riding in one. 3 of them flew past us and landed somewhere where the pack of citizens were likely to be while 2 of them flew next to the battle with the Ursa major. I noticed one carriage may have been a bit larger than the other but it was hard to tell from the distance. The carriages floated a few feet from the ground, slowing their speed down considerably. then about 10 guards hopped out of one while one slightly bigger guard and someone else hopped out of the other one. Then they quickly flew off somewhere out of range of the Ursa. I wonder who those two ponies that got out of the second carrige are? They seem important.

I could see now that all 10 guards that got out of the first carriage were Unicorns. They quickly dispersed and spread out around the Ursa major. One of the two important guards that got out of the second carriage was barking orders at them while the other flew up to where Princess Celestia was. She was hovering above the Ursa firing lasers at it to keep it on it's back. The leader Unicorn yelled something to the guards, then 11 different color beams shot out of their horns, the most prominent beam being the pink one coming from the leader guard. "Cool! I wonder what they're doing?" Rainbow said excitedly, as she watched the guards work in awe. "Whatever it is, they have more colors of the Rainbow than your mane does..." I said with a smug grin. Rainbow frowned and shoved me. "Ow! Chill out!" I said as I winced in pain. "Oops..." Rainbow said sarcastically.

We both looked back to the action. It seemed like the guards were using their magic to slowly form a gigantic barrier around the Ursa. The barrier was starting from the bottom and slowly enveloping it. The Ursa was despritly flailing around, trying to escape the magical prison surrounding it, but every time it was about to climb or jump out, Princess Celestia would fire a beam at the creature knocking it back. Eventually the barrier was halfway to entrapping the creature, this is when it started going bat shit crazy. The Ursa started firing it's mouth beams all over the damn place, just trying desperately to hit something. One of the beams bounced uselessly off the barrier, one almost vaporized one of the guards, who had to stop constructing the barrier to avoid it, one beam even hit Princess Celestia, but like with the Minor and Princess Luna, the beam washed over her harmlessly.

"Wow! They've almost got it completely trapped! Ha! It thinks those beams will help it escape! This is awesome!" Rainbow said excitedly. "Yeah... I guess..." I said with a mundane tone. I was way more worried about those death beams that thing is shooting, some of them are hitting near us. "Whoah!" Rainbow blurted as one of the beams hit a nearby house, blowing it to splinters. "Heh that was kinda... Close..." Rainbow said with a nervous laugh. "Ya think? Some wood from that house hit me! We should probably go somewhere safe..." I started to say. That was the moment when I saw it, the final beam from the Ursa as the barrier closed to trap it.... And it was heading right toward us! Rainbow somehow failed to notice it, so I had to act fast. I mustered up the last strength I could, and grabbed Rainbow in my magic. "Whaa! WHAT THE HAY ARE Y-" she was cut of by me tossing her clear of the beam.

I probably should have put more thought into this. There is no way I'm avoiding this one, since I can't even move. I don't think this will be pleasant. I braced myself before the bright beam struck me directly, I screamed in agony as the laser exploded around me, destroying the house that was behind me and knocking me into the air. I bounced off the ground a few times before finally stopping, completely stunned and laying on my stomach. Holy fuck... If pain was a person, then that would totally be me right now. Suddenly with a flash of light I reverted back to my human form. Shit... I guess that means I turn back if i take too much damage at once.

"Heh... I'm alive at least..." I whispered to myself. From what I can feel (not much at the time) all my limps are intact and I'm not bleeding too much. I do however have a huge headache from me tumbling and hitting my head several times. My vision is also horribly blurry, I can't see more than 5 feet in front of me. Oh and I forgot to mention there's this horrible ringing sound that reminds me of that sound effect in FPS games when shit blows up next to you, so that's fucking wonderful. I slowly and painfully rolled onto my back and sighed deeply, I have to try and fucking relax even though my heart is beating out of my fuckin chest, which is pretty difficult considering my entire body feels like it was on fire.

My perception of time right now must be way off because I blinked a few times and there were suddenly 5 figures standing over me. My vision began to clear slowly and I started to recognize faces. they were all saying things but I didn't know what because my ears are still ringing. The first two faces I recognized were definitely the closest by far, they were Celestia and Luna, who were looking at me worriedly. "Derrick? Can you hear me?" Celestia asked despritly. I responded with a painful grunt, which made everone standing there sigh in relief. "See? I told you he was alright!" A familer male voice said. As my vision and hearing cleared further I realized that the male voice belonged to Shining Armor. I guess he was that important guard who was commanding the other Unicorns. "All he needed was a little healing magic!" He said with a smirk. "Yes but I fear that he has been healed too much recently..." Luna said. "That's true... But all he'll need is some rest before he's back to normal." Cadance said, oh she's here too by the way. I'm guessing Cadance was the one who flew up to Celestia. The last face is a bit farther than the rest, so I still have no idea who that is.

"I'm still worried... He hasn't said a single a word yet..." Celestia said, the concern in her face still strong. "A word..." I said sarcastically making Celestia and Luna deadpan while Cadence and Shining laughed. "Still worried Princess? He said 'a word'!" Shining said with a chuckle, I'm still getting nothing from that last face. "Chill out princess, I'm alive and I scan say many many words..." I said as I used my arms to push my back up so I could sit upright. Everyone except Celestia and that 5th person that I still couldn't see started laughing. "In fact that was about 12 words, do you think that's enough?" I added, making everyone laugh harder. Celestia was about to utter what I assume was a clever retort, but that 5th person cleared their throat and everyone stopped laughing.

"DJ?" Said a familer tomboyish voice. I froze, immediately dreading who the voice belonged to. Then my vision cleared up completely, and I could see Rainbow dash standing there with her jaw on the floor. Without thinking I immediately turned into my Unicorn form, then I face hoofed and realized that probably just made it worse.

"Shit paste..."

Everyone looked to Rainbow cautiously, she was the only one here who was unaware of my new "powers" after all. She rubbed her eyes and blinked a few times "Everypony saw that right?" She said as she stared at me. Everyone looked away and tried to look innocent. "So... is somepony going to explain this to me? or are you all going to stand there and act like you didn't just see DJ turn into Dawn?" Rainbow said with narrowed eyes. We all sat there with nervous smiles. Then eventually I sighed and lowered my head. "Look. Rainbow... I promise I'll explain it all to you later but-" I transformed into my Pegasus form and continued "- just know that I'm this guy too..." I said carefully. I looked over to Rainbow, it was a damn understatement to say that I just blew the living fuck out of her mind.

"No....bucking.... way..." She whispered, completely emotionless. "Look I know its a lot to take in at first but I need you to keep this a secret... OK? Nobody can know about this..." I pleaded. Rainbow just nodded, her jaw still gaping. Then as if an invisible switch was flipped she suddenly zipped up to me " Holy hay I knew it! I KNEW there was something fishy about you!" She said as she pointed at me accusingly with gritted teeth. "And you tried to claim I was crazy! That I was seeing things!" She spat angrily. "I...uh...um..." I stuttered. "Who else knows who you really are?" She said as she looked to everyone surrounding me. "Everyone here, plus Twilight and Spike..." I answered carefully. I forgot to mention the entire Royal guard and castle staff know my secret too. "Horseapples! I knew that egghead was hiding something!" Dash said as she rubbed her chin. "She's going to get it whenever I see her again..." Rainbow said cryptically.

"Woah woah! Don't get angry!" I said nervously as I held my hoofs out. "Just be mad at me OK?" I begged, I don't really want Twilight to get in trouble with her friends because of me. Rainbow narrowed her eyes and glared at me. "No...don't be mad at Derrick.... Be mad at me..." Celestia said, lowering her head slightly. What? Why would she say something like that? Apprantly I wasn't the only one because everyone in this little circle looked as confused as me. "I was the one that ordered him to keep this a secret..." She admitted with some regret. Rainbow Dash's angry glare vanished almost instantly, interesting... She's not going to do anything to Celestia. So far it seems nobody dares to fuck with her, except Luna and I of course. "Oh...uh... In that case... Apology accepted!" Rainbow said quickly.

Since that was over I turned back to Shining armor, I wanted to ask him something ASAP before I forget. "Hey Captain...I think I'm going to take you up on that offer..." I said, Shining cocked his brow and everyone watched us curiously.

"Uh...you're going to have to refresh my memory DJ...."

"You said that you'd show me how to make your pussy bubbles"

"What??"

"I'm talking about that barrier magic dude!"

"Oh...that's what you...HEY!"

*snicker*

"Still hurt about that scrap that you lost?"

"Hell yes I'm still hurt about that shit! You just hid inside it like a fucking PUSSY!"

"Heh... You're just mad because you can't use magic barriers.."

"Yep! That's why I need you to show me!"

"What... so you can hide in it like a pussy?"

"Uh..no. It would have come In handy when I was fighting those Ursa's... A lot.."

"Heh... I bet it would have... You took a beating..."

"Would have saved me a lot of pain..."

"Hmm.."

"And suffering..."

"OK..."

"And bleeding..."

"OK I get it!"

"Sweet! Let's do it tomorrow!"

"Tomorrow? Are you crazy?"

"Dude why the fuck not? Are you busy?"

"Nah I'm free, but you need to get some rest! I'm surprised you're still moving!"

"Heh...rest? That's for punk bitches like you, I'll be fine..."

" Rest is very important to your health! You trying to kill yourself?"

"Nah...I already died twice trying to fight those big ass mystical bears..."

"So...what if I ordered you to take tomorrow off?"

"I would show up tomorrow at the barracks or wherever you stay, and wake you the fuck up!"

"Heh... Really?"

"Yep! I don't take orders from you..."

"Is that so? You wear my Royal Guard's armor and claim you don't take orders from me?"

"What... That costume?"

"Yeah! What was that all about anyway?" Shining asked. I switched to my Unicorn form, which still doned the Royal armor that was now broken and tattered from fighting.

"Yeah... That..." Shining said as he cringed at the sight of it.

"Yeah i know it looks bad, you should have seen it before I got slashed."

"Hmm... I bet it was really something..." Shining said sarcastically.

"Oh you don't believe me? I can fix this shit right now!"

"Pffft Whatever..."

*zap*

"Oh...ok then I stand corrected..."

"Yeah! Not going to lie... This armor looks pretty sexy on me..."

"Hahaha!"

"Except for the helmets... Not a fan of those helmets..."

"Hmmm I see... I'm not too keen on them either... But they serve they're purpose."

"Yeah... I guess y'all strive to look like fucking brushes. Anyway... About that lesson tomorrow..."

"Hey... I told your stubbern plot that I'm not teaching you tomorrow!" Shining snapped. I removed the armor and turned to my Human form.

"OK 'captain' I'm still showing up!"

"What if I got somepony with more authority to tell you otherwise?"

"Pfft! Like who?"

"Like..Princess Luna?"

"Ha! What the hell is she going to-"

"If you show up at the castle tomorrow, I will make sure you have back to back nightmares for the rest of your life!" Luna threatened. Ooooh shit...

"Yes ma'am!" I said quickly.

"Hahahaha! That was fast!"

"Oh shut the hell up! I'm still not resting, I'll be fine witho-"

"If you don't rest I will personally make sure that the rest of your waking life is WORSE then your nightmares" Celestia said sternly. Holy fuck...

"Yes mistress!" I said obediently. The hair on my neck stood up and everyone laughed.

"OK...fine...fine!"

"I'm glad we understand each other then..." Shining said with a smirk.

"I'm going to fuck you up when I show up after resting..."

"If you do I'll cut off your gentiles and feed them to timber wolves..." Cadence said calmly. Ok... Officially afraid of Alicorns.

"Yes princess!"

Me, Shining and Dash, were looking back at the Princesses with genuine fear. They all sat there glaring at me with serious expressions. I was about to start backing away slowly but Celestia and Cadance busted out laughing. "Hahaha! We were just kidding!" They both said. Shining and Dash started laughing too, and I laughed sheepishly. We stopped eventually and I looked to Luna, waiting for her to laugh too.

"I wasn't joking..." She said plainly. My nervous laughter ceased and I gulped. I know damn well that she can carry out her threat.

"I apologize mistress!" I said quickly, making everyone else howl with laughter. Eventually they all settled down and I continued my conversation with Shining.

"OK.... so I was 'persuaded' so I'll see you after my day off right?"

"Yeah! Just swing by the castle!"

"Alright cool... I was wondering something else though."

"What?"

"Do you have some sort of area with... targets or something?'

" What like the magic range? " Shining suggested. Hmm... I'm assuming it works just like a regular shooting range, but for magic...

"Yeah... That..."

"Of course! Are your magic beams not packing enough punch?" He teased with a sly grin

"Derrick's beam cut through an Ursa major as if it was simply made of paper..." Luna said.

"What really?!?" Shining said in surprise, everyone else looked surprised too. "So that was the huge golden light in the sky?" Rainbow said. "And that was the large influx in power I sensed?" Celestia said.

"Eh... More or less... I did charge it for a while... Luna's giving me too much credit..." I said as I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Dont be modest Derrick! If you can achieve a feat that large with no training or experience, then you have a lot of potential!" Cadance said with an impressed nod. "I agree! However, If you don't learn to control and harness your magic properly then it could be quite dangerous..." Celestia warned. "Uh huh....sounds like we're going to need a few follow up training sessions..." Shining said sheepishly.

"Well OK... Way to sidetrack the fuck out of me Princesses..." I growled at them as I struggled to remember what I originally asked Shining about. They all giggled and Rainbow rolled her eyes. "What were you saying?" She said, urging me to continue.

"Well... I just wanted to know if I could try some human weapons out on the range..." I said with a shrug.

"Human weapons?"

"Yeah.. I conjured up a gun when I fought that Ursa minor..."

"Gun?"

"Yeah... Here I'll show you..." I said as I tried to conjure the gun up again. A few seconds later I had another MP7 in my hand. "Whoa..." Shining said with awe. "Cool..." Rainbow said. "It's tiny..." Celestia and Cadance said at the same time. Sigh... Fucking Alicorns....

"I said the same thing sister! But don't underestimate the weapon's size. When enhanced by magic, the weapon was able to knock the Ursa minor off it's feet with a single blast!" Luna said. Celestia and Cadance nodded slowly with that "not bad" face. I guess they get it now. "Keep in mind this is designed to be small and compact, and was only ment to kill humans..." I stated. Celestia and Cadance nodded again more impressed than before. "I'm curious to see this weapon in action..." Celestia said, completely intrigued as she examined the gun with more interest. "I would like to as well!" Cadance said. "It would be pretty cool..." Rainbow added. "Alright! We can all go to the magic range to see it!" Shining said with a grin. No dude... Now they're all going to watch me trai- "I also want to oversee Derrick's training..." Celestia said. Dammit Shining! "We can fly up to canterlot together!" Rainbow said to me with a nudge. Ahhh hell... I don't like being watched.... By girls... Unlike most guys who would love the attention.


"Yeah... About that..." I started to say. Suddenly all the Princess's ears perked up. "I hear somepony approaching..." Luna warned. I turned to my Unicorn form and looked around. "I don't hear anyone..." I muttered. "Me neither..." Shining said flatly. We looked over to Rainbow and she shook her head. "Trust me... Somepony is definitely approaching..." Celestia said. I looked around again, nothing. "I don't hear shit! What are y-" suddenly I heard what sounded like a large stampede or something. The Alicorns looked at me with that smug "I told you so" grin. "I'm sick of your God power shit..." I muttered grumpily, making the three Princesses giggle. Then Twilight and the gang came into view, running as fast as they could toward us... toward me in particular.

"Oooh buck..." I said as I braced myself. Then they all basically tackled me to the ground. We got all tangled into this weird mass of random limbs and heads, its...awkward and stupid looking to say the least. It got worse when I realized that my face was firmly planted inbetween someone's fucking BUTT CHEEKS. I immediately tried to pry myself free from them, but because of the way we were tangled I couldn't move. You have got to be shitting me...how do I end up in these messes?!? Then I felt Celestia's magic pull me from the pile, the others got pulled by Luna, Cadance and Shining. After everyone was free they all busted out laughing. I stood there in silent horror. Somebody in that pile was TOTALLY Cool with my face being wedged in there butt checks. I couldn't tell who because of how tightly I was stuck, and we all got snatched from the pile pretty fast, so I didn't get to see . I was also worried because someone else returned the favor in there.

"Hahaha! What's the matter Dawn? You look like you just saw a ghost!" Shining teased as he nudged my side. "Somepony touched my ass..." I whispered. Now it was Shining's turn to look horrified, he's probably dying on the inside because Twilight was one of the girls in the pile. We both sat there while the girls laughed, I still have no idea who did it because everyone was looking equally embarrassed. The girls laughter suddenly shifted into nervous laughter before eventually dying down completely.

"Are you OK Dawn?" Celestia asked. I took a deep breath and sighed.

"Y..yeah..." I said with uncertainty.

"Are you sure? You look a little-"

"Pale? I'm just...uh...a little exhausted that's all..."

"Hmm... I see... You're sweating profusely, you should really get too bed..."

"I know... And I can't bucking wait..."

"You can say that again... I haven't slept at all yet..."

"Really? Well I think you and I both need some R&R..."

"What I really need is a vacation.."

"Heh... Don't you get time off?"

"Yes on the weekends, but sometimes even that's not enough..." Celestia said with an annoyed frown.

"I can imagine... Your citizens are a handful..." I said as I peeked at Twilight and her group of six. They were talking about a sleepover or some shit. Celestia started to laugh bringing a smile to my face, I honestly love it when she laughs... And now I feel sappy as fuck. Cadance was watching us from the sideline, a ghost of a smile on her face. Seriously... What's her deal? She knows something I don't... Or she's just fucking with me... Or both...

"Speaking of my citizens..." Celestia said as her gaze landed somewhere behind me. I slowly turned to see a cluster of citizens coming toward us. They weren't rushing thankfully... Except this particular group of mares who wer- OH SHIT TAKE COVER MOTHERFUCKER!

Too late.

I got tackled by at least 5 mares simultaneously. "Oh my gosh! You're my hero!" One of them said enthusiastically. They all hugged and squeezed and kissed my cheeks. I looked over to Celestia who was snickering and mouthed the words "help me". She laughed again and shook her head. We then started having a silent conversation.

" Seriously help!"

"Nah."

"What? Why not?"

"This is just too cute!"

"Nonono! You don't understand!"

"I understand that somepony here is afraid of mares.."

"I swear I'm not!"

"Lying are we?"

"F...fuck no! It's just... Uncomfortable!"

"Uncomfortable? Most stallions would be loving every moment!"

"I'm not really a stallion remember???"

"Yes. But they don't know that..."

"I hate you so much right now..."

*giggle*

"OK seriously, help me Princess!"

*innocent whistling*

"I don't think you understand the seriousness of this situation!"

"They're just harmless mares calm down Derr-"

"One of them just grabbed my NUTS!"

"..."

I was immediately teleported out of the mass of fan girls and next to Celestia. "Alright ladies give Dawn some space... It's not 'that time' yet..." Celestia said calmly. "That time"? What the fuck does she mean? Oh fuck... mating season is coming up isn't it? It's critical to my health that I remember to prepare for that. I need to find out the details from Mac or Shining.

" I believe my sister has something to say..." Celestia said as she gestured to Luna, who was in front of the crowd. Huh? That's where she went? She kinda disappeared when Celestia and I started talking, weird huh? Everyone quieted down to listen. A guard quickly ran up to her and whispered something in her ear that made her smile. Then she cleared her throat and spoke with her Royal canterlot voice. "Citizens of Ponyville, I am proud to announce that the threat of the Ursa major and it's kin, has been dealt with, and no pony was seriously hurt!" She said happily. Bitch I was seriously hurt! The whole town errupted into a loud cheer and they stomped their hoofs loudly, I guess that's like clapping? "The Mother and it's son have been returned to the everfree where they belong, thanks to Captain Shining and the Royal Guard!" She said as she pointed to him. The crowd cheered once more and Shining took a simple bow.

"What does she mean? She killed the Ursa minor!" I whispered to Celestia. "Ursa's cannot permenatly be killed by normal means. Their bodies are made of pure magic after all. The Ursa my sister slayed ended up regenerating..." She explained. Huh....well shit!

"I would also like to that thank a very special pony for assisting my sister and I in holding the creature off... as well as saving my life..." Luna said. OK cool she's talking about Rainbow D-

"Dawning Jade!"

Goddammit Luna! I kinda forgot I kinda did save her from the Major. At that moment everyone lost their shit, cheering and stomping loudly. With all these eyes on me, my social awkwardness returned after a long absence. I found myself slowly scooting behind Celestia. At least she isn't moving away, she's just giving me this "what the hell are you doing?" Look. I hope she doesn't think I moved here to get a peek at her plot...which I didn't of course! Well...then again it's a little hard to resist... Let's just say I can see 2 beautifully plump SUNS from here. Uh... OK... Did I really think that? You know what guys? An ass is an ass... I'm just going to have to accept that....somehow....

"Unfortunately, due to the damage to multiple Ponyville homes, there are alot of you that are currently homeless..." Luna said sadly. Some of the ponies in the crowd fell silent after that. "So until the damage can be repaired and everypony is safe and sound in their houses, I will be postponing the nightmare night Celebration until further notice..." Luna said with a heavy heart. The crowd responded by going "booo!" Much to Luna's surprise. I guess they didn't like the sound of that.

" OK...perhaps it's... Delayed for just... a month?" Luna said.

"Boo!"

"OK then..... Two weeks?"

"Boo!"

"Two days?"

*loud cheering*

"OK then...it is decided! Nightmare night shall continue in two days! " Luna said excitedly, causing the crowd to cheer happily. Seeing everyone so happy honestly made me happy. Yeah you better be happy you motherfuckers!! I almost fucking died trying to save your dumbasses! I couldn't help but be kinda sad for the Ursa major, we kinda did kill it's kid... Temporarily. Regardless of what happened, I still hate that thing's fuckin guts, and I hope I never see a giant mystical bear again! Or any other powerful mystical creatures for that matter.

After a while people slowly but surely started to disperse. Luna was talking to someone I haven't seen before. She was a light brown mare with grey hair who seemed somewhat important. "Hey... who's that?" I whispered to Celestia. "That is Mayor mare..." She said.

"What? Mare mare?"

"No.. MAYOR... MARE."

"Wait seriously? She's the mayor... Who is also called mare? And...is a mare?"

"Yes... Precisely she is-"

"BWAAHAHAHA!!!!"

I started laughing so hard that my sides started to burn and I fell to the ground. Everyone looked over like WTF. Celestia tried her best to get me to stop laughing, she snatched me off the ground and covered my mouth with her hoof. My laughter still bled through loudly however, so she gave up and zapped this sound proof bubble around me. I then stopped because it started to hurt to laugh and She let me out. " Are you quite finished? That is one of my closest friends! Do not make fun of her....ironic..name.." Celestia said sternly. I sat up and held my hoofs out. "Alright! Sorry..." I said with a toothy grin. "Heh......heh heh......heh heh heh!" Celestia cocked an eyebrow as I snapped my hoofs to cover my mouth. "*sigh* what am I going to do with you..." She muttered as she shook her head.

I was about to laugh again when I noticed Cadance giving me that look again, which killed my laughter completely. Seriously what the fuck! What does she know? "It is quite late Derrick... We should be getting to bed soon..." Celestia reminded as she motioned for me to follow her. she walked up to the others, Luna and....Mayor...mayor... walked over to us as well as those 3 little girls I half saved earlier. Applejack and Rarity lit up as the girls ran into their hoofs. Woah wait a sec... I know Applebloom is Applejack's sister but what about that other girl? Damn... She looks JUST like Rarity besides the hair! Hmm... Oh shit! That's her daughter! Err wait a sec... I'm gonna say she's her sister. And then there is dash and the pegasus girl.. I wonder if their related?

"Oh I'm so glad you're ok Sweetie Belle!" Rarity said happily as she squeezed the kid. "Yeah! Thanks to that Dawn guy!" The pegasus girl said as she pointed to me. Oh god more praise? I think I'm done being Mr. Hero dude for the day... It's fucking exhausting and awkward. But sure enough Applejack and Rarity clinged to me anyways. "Oh thank you for savin mah sister!" Applejack said as she squeezed me affectionately, well...as affectionately as you can be when you're squeezing the fucking life out of someone. "Oh thank you Mr.Jade! My sister means the world to me!" Rarity said as she pressed her cheek against mine. All I could utter was a choked grunt. Thankfully Celestia teleported me next to her again so I could catch my god damn breath.

"If I... get hugged... by another mare... my body.... is going to give up on life..." I muttered as I layed flat on my back, struggling to breath. "It's a pleasure to meet you in person Dawning Jade! I am Mayor mare!" mare said... Wait... Should I call her mare... or.. mayor.... Or both? Dammit, fuck this shit! Her name is M&M from now on... Fuck I want chocolate now...

"Yeah... hi...sorry uh...just give me a second... *huff* *huff* nice to greet you.. And stuff..." I muttered incoherently. M&M giggled and shook her head "Oh it is quite alright Mr.Jade I understand it must have been difficult trying to keep up with the Princesses..." She said kindly. "Yeah... Difficult is an understatement..." I said as I shot Celestia and Luna an angry look and they snickered behind their hoofs. Fucking Alicorns...
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut our little meeting short... I'm a bit...*Yawn* Tired. Hopefully we can properly meet some other time." M&M said. "Yeah...I think I'm seriously done for the day... I can literally hear my muscles screaming..." I said with a weak chuckle, getting a few laughs. I grunted as I tried to get on my hoofs to no avail. I grumbled and snorted angrily, being tired sucks dick. "Uh... Can somepony help me up?" I asked sheepishly. Celestia held out her hoof and helped me up. She lifted me so easily that I almost went flying into the air. Now on my feet...hoofs.... Again I decided to say my goodnights because fuck y'all I'm out!

"Alright... I'll see everypony tomorrow or something... I'm going to go collapse on a couch now..." I said with a wave. Everyone exchanged various goodnights and hugs, much to my annoyance. Then Twilight, Spike and I headed back to her house. "Well my cover got partially blown today..." I said with a nervous smile. "Really? How?" Spike asked worriedly. "Rainbow caught me transforming...she knows who I really am..." I said grimly. Twilight cringed and shook her head. "That could be a problem..." Twilight said sheepishly. "Really? Is she going to scream it to the world?" I ask, dreading what could come. "Well not exactly... It's just... Sometimes words... Slip from her mouth that she should probably keep to herself..." Twilight explained. "Well shit... I'm going to be screwed! We told her to keep her mouth shut!" I said with annoyance. "She is usually pretty good at keeping her word...just...don't be surprised if her word slips... That's all..."she said as we reached the house. She opened the door and we walked in, and I practicly dove onto the couch. With a loud sigh I relaxed and sunk into it with a silly smile. Damn I feel better already!

" Anypony want a midnight snack?" Spike asked as he slid into the kitchen. I was about to say nah, but as if a fucking switch was flipped my, hunger knew no fucking bounds. Holy shit... Did I eat today? I had breakfast but after that I kinda got chased by Dash... Then found out some odd things in canterlot...then came back... Then I got my ass kicked... Yup I didn't eat shit. "Yeah I'm freakin starving! What do you have?" I asked as I sat up on the couch. "Uh... I could wip up a salad if you want.." Spike said as he rummeged through the fridge. "Yeah that sounds tasty... Do you have like a huge bowl?" I ask as I licked my lips. "One sec..." Spike said as I heard him go through some drawers and cabinets. He then came out of the kitchen lugging a bowl that was bigger then my head. "Yeah that's perfect! I haven't eaten since morning!" I said with a chuckle. Spike smirked and walked back into the kitchen and started making the salad. "Oh don't put any hay in it please.. I'm gonna eat it as a human!" I said as I transformed back into my human form, maybe all my weirdness around mares stemmed from being a pony for too long. "Gotcha!" Spike acknowledged from the Kitchen. I relaxed again on the large couch and Twilight walked over to me.

"Well I'm going to hit the hay...Good night Derrick..." She said as she leaned forward to nuzzle me. I moved my hand to block her and sighed. "Yeah... Chill out with that shit..." I said with a sheepish grin. Twilight huffed and moved back. "Night Twi!" I said as she turned and started to walk up the stairs. She stopped somewhere at the top and quickly ran back down. "I almost forgot!" Me and the girls are having a sleepover tomorrow!" She said with a smile. I rolled my eyes and sighed in annoyance bringing a hand to me face. Dammit! That's going to be some annoying shit! Unless... "Does that mean you want me gone tomorrow night?" I ask with a cocked brow. Twilight's eyes widened and she almost looked... Offended? "No! That's not what I ment at all! Infact we WANT you to come!" She practically yelled. She then looked embarrassed as she quickly covered her mouth. Hmm.. A slumber party... With girls... What do girls even do a at slumber parties? Gossip? Pillow fights? Makeup? Spin the bottle? Compare boobies? (pretty sure Equestrians don't have those...then again I haven't gone out of my way to LOOK for them) Talk about...Boys? Yeah I don't fucking know, but that's a fucking orgy waiting to happen, especially considering how the girls act toward me.

"Hmm... I don't know Twilight... 6 girls... One guy..." I said with a nervous smile. Twilight didn't seem to get what I was trying to hint at "Two guys. Spike would be there!" Twilight said. "Hahaha....nope!" I heard Spike say from the kitchen. "See? I might stay here but I'm going to stay upstairs or something..." I muttered. "Well...just think about it...I can't force you..." Twilight said with disappointment as she slowly walked up the stairs looking slightly sad. Hmm... I wonder why she got so upset? After about a minute Spike came back out with a small bowl for him and a large bowl for me. "Thanks bro!" I said as I happily took the salad. "I don't know what you like in your salad, so I kept it basic..." Spike said with a little worry. "No dude it's cool! I'm too hungry to care anyways. Goodnight!" I said as I pat his back. "Goodnight!" He said as he walked upstairs leaving me downstairs in this... Dark... empty... Silent.... Room... Huh...I'm going to eat on that sweet ass balcony instead.

I made my way up there somehow and looked up to the sky, it's a bit chilly outside but I'll manage. The air went right through that hole caused by Luna's Swords, I have to get this shit fixed somehow... I'm worried that it will involve telling Rarity my True identity. I leaned against the balcony Railing and just sat there eating. Damn...I can't believe I'm living in a world full of Talking Technicolor Ponies... It hasn't quite sunk in yet. I wonder how long it will take before that WTF feeling wears of... Because I still feel far out of place. I'm worried about my dirty mind a little bit... I've been here less than a week and I'm already... Looking at pony ass! It probably has something to do with my pony forms... Perhaps its just the natural hormones taking over when I'm a stallion. I guess I'll just stay a human for as long as possible... It seems like the only way to stop thinking about it...kinda.... Those suns though...and those moons...I don't even know which I like better...Solar ass or Lunar Ass! They're both so wonderfully plump... Especially Luna's! Celestia's looks a bit more firm...hmm...I wonder what it feels like...I bet its....

...

FOR FUCK'S SAKE! THERE I GO AGAIN!!! My Pony forms are corrupting me! Fuck thinking for now just... fuck it! let's just focus on this big ass bowl of salad! I'm honestly worried that one day I'll crave meat again. I guess the worse case scenario would be me conjuring up some bacon when nobody's looking... Mmmm....bacon... I need that shit in my life... No no no! Focus! I don't need it...I don't need it.... I DONT FUCKING NEED IT! Dang... I feel like Spongebob now. Oh my gosh... How did I go from thinking about Jiggly ass, to Spongebob? Wait what the fuck!?! I'm so discombobulated!

"Shut the hell up brain..." I muttered aloud too myself, As I Chewed on the Salad. I was about halfway done when I felt a strong magical Power Approaching. Is that who I think it is? Before I could formulate another thought, Princess Celestia swooped in and Landed behind me on the balcony. The windforcre from her wings hit my Salad bowl and it tumbled over the edge of the balcony. "Fuck!" I uttered as I watched it fall and splatter all over the floor several feet below. Then I kicked myself for not remembering I could have caught that with magic. Celestia came and looked over the edge with me. She cringed and looked at me. I have the most deadpan, blank, goldfish expression on right now.

"Heh...sorry..."

"*sigh* Oh it's cool...its not like I was...eating that shit or anything..." I muttered blankly.

"Want me to clean it up?"

"Nah. Don't worry about it..." I said as I shook my head, part of me was glad the salad got knocked over because I was about to conjure up some bacon for my salad, as silly as that sounds. She stepped away from the balcony and I turned around to face her. Nothing was different about her besides the fact she wasn't wearing her royal stuff... For...whatever reason. I folded my arms and cocked an eyebrow.

"Sup"

"Hello..."

"So...um...what brings you here Princess?" I ask curiously. She doesn't seem particularly sad about something, nore does she seem angry. Her expression is pretty neutral for the most part.

"What? I'm not allowed to visit you?" She retorted.

"Not when you make such a dramatic entrance, that my salad took a dive.." I joked.

"I suppose you could hold the bowl a wee bit tighter next time..."

"Whatever you say Princess..."

"Oh please Derrick just call me Tia, this isn't a formal visit after all..." She said with a giggle. OK... that's new. Wait no it's not, I heard Luna call her that once. Funny... I wonder why she wants me to call her that? I've always called her by her formal title for the most part.

"OK then...uh..Tia... What are you doing here?"

"I came to check on you. You weren't sleeping so I wanted to make sure you were alright before I return to Canterlot." She said. My eyes slowly widened.What the fuck?

"Uh...how did you know I wasn't-"

"My sister told me she couldn't sense you dreaming yet, so I assumed something was wrong... since you claimed you were going to pass out on the couch..." She said with a smirk. OK... less creepy... I guess... I'm still creeped that Luna knows when I'm sleeping like Santa.

"I appreciate the concern, but I'm just fine... I was going to pass out after I ate...I guess..." I said with a shrug. Celestia giggled and I shook my head.

"I also came to tell you how proud I am for what you did today." She said with a warm smile as she put her hoof on my shoulder. That caught me a bit off guard. "You put others before yourself and stood up against impossible odds to protect my citizens. You are a Hero Derrick, and I thank you for what you did today..." Celestia said kindly. Now I'm guessing this is the part were I'm supposed to beam proudly or something, like I won a fucking medal, but honestly it made me feel...forlorn. I slowly moved away from her and stared out at the town. Celestia seemed puzzled and she came to my side again.

"What's the matter? Why do you look so... melancholy?" She asked as she pressed against me. Her warmth comforted me somewhat, but I still stood there feeling kinda bad. I sat there silently. "Come now Derrick... Talk to me..." She said softly, as she gently nuzzled my cheek. I looked down and heaved a heavy sigh.

"It's kinda stupid really.." I said with a shake of my head. Celestia urged me to continue anyway. "Its hard to explain... I just don't feel...right anymore...I don't feel-" I said trailing off. "Like yourself?" Celestia finished for me. "Yes... That's exactly it... I don't." I said with a nod. " Why do you think that is?" Celestia questioned. "Well... For starters... This hero thing... That simply isn't me! Back on my world I was kind of an jerk. I don't think I would ever risk my life for random strangers." I said with a shrug. Celestia seemed slightly saddened by that. "You wouldn't consider yourself a hero on your world, but now you are one. What's wrong with that?" She asked. "Nothing's wrong with it... Its just... I haven't even been in this place for a week and I'm already doing things I would normally never consider..." I muttered. "So you wouldn't save somepony in need?" Celestia questioned. "Well yeah... I wasn't THAT cold hearted! I may have been a prick, but my massive guilt wouldn't allow me to stand there and watch someone die in front of me, knowing I could have saved them. The guilt alone would have killed me." I said.

"I was a bitter and antisocial person back home, who kept to himself for the most part. Now I'm suddenly diving In front of danger for people...er ponies I don't even know." I stated with a slight shudder. "I see.. You're worried that you are changing too quickly, regardless of whether the changes are good..." Celestia reasoned. "Yeah pretty much... Being really good all of a sudden is strange for me... And then there are my pony forms..." I muttered with a shake of my head. "What's wrong with them?" Celestia asked. "Not much... physically at least... I got over the 'no hands, four legs' thing pretty fast, and flying is really awesome! But I'm worried about what's happening... Mentally." I said as I nervously played with my hands. "Hmm... Do you think your pony forms are affecting your personality?" She asked. "Maybe... That could be why I'm this 'Hero' guy all of a sudden. But that's not what I meant..." I said sheepishly. "Please elaborate..." She urged

"Recently I've started having... Thoughts..."

"Really? Just recently? I would be worried if you didn't have thoughs..." Celestia said sarcastically.

"Yeah yeah laugh it up! They're a particular kind of thought..."

"What 'kind' of thoughts?"

"Oh...the um...'naughty' kind"

"Oh...I see..."

"Yeah..."

"Well... All I can tell you is that those types of thoughts are quite normal for any stallion... Unless of course... They're centered around a certain mare, then it becomes quite different.." Celestia explained. I'm a bit surprised she can talk about something like this without even flinching. I guess that's how you become after being alive for more than 1000 years. Although I have seen her blushing from time to time.

"N...no! They're not centered on a certain girl, they're about all of them!" I blurted.

"All of them?"

"Uh... I mean...they can be... I guess... Ugh this is fucking awkward!"

"It's only as awkward as you make it Derrick..."

"That's the issue with me... I am very awkward... Especially around girls..."

"Afraid of mares?"

"W...what? No!"

"Hmm...I suppose you're correct... Because you're talking to one right now..."

"Yeah...don't remind me..."

"So if I've heard this correctly... You are worried that your stallion self is interested in mares, while your human self doesn't agree?"

"Yeah... And I'm worried that if I stay a pony too long, my human half will... be persuaded..." I lied like fuck just now. I was debating which royal ass I liked better in my human form earlier, I think that already happened.

"Well I'm not sure what to tell you there... I still think you should just give mares a chance..." Celestia said with a smirk.

"Heh... I'm not the dating type..." I muttered.

"Oh really? Have you been on one before?"

"A couple...you?"

"Quite a few when I was young and naive, but that was thousands of years ago..." She said with a giggle.

"Sheesh...did they...go well?"

"For the most part? No. I was...different as a young mare... Quite mischievous..." Celestia said with a pause. She looked like she was having a flash back of a specific disaster.

"Heh... I can imagine..." I said with a smirk. Celestia cocked an eyebrow at me.

"How did your dates tend to go?" She asked.

"Well...not the best..." I said with a chuckle.

"Really?" She said sarcastically.

"Consider yourself lucky... I've told you more about myself so far, than any of my other dates...combined..." I said with a deadpan expression.

"That bad huh?" Celestia said with a smug grin.

"Yeah..."

"Well I suppose we are in the same boat as far as dating success."

"Yeah...somehow..." I muttered.

We fell silent after that, both of us looking in different directions. Then I had this super deep Yawn, which made Celestia giggle.

"You can not function endlessly without rest Derrick..."

"What about you? Don't you need to sleep too? You have to get up with the sun and stuff...well you have to MAKE the sun get up...literally.." I said with a raised brow.

"Oh, I'll be fine Derrick this isn't exactly the first time I've ever stayed up late..." She said with a smirk.

"Whatever you say..." I said with a shrug as I looked over the balcony at the ruined salad.

"Dammit... I'm still hungry..." I said with a chuckle. Celestia looked down, probably feeling guilty. I powered up my magic and rubbed my chin.

" I feel like having cake.." I muttered as I made a Chocolate Double Decker cake appear on a plate in my hands. I carefully placed the cake on a nearby stool I dragged over, and marveled at my work. I don't like the idea of summoning food alot, because if I let myself do it too much, I'd end up with diabetes or out of shape within a week. This time was an exception, since my body demands sustenance!

"Well...there's no way I can eat all of this alone, you want some?" I asked. Celestia seemed to perk up once she saw the cake, but she quickly calmed down. "Oh... No thanks... I couldn't..." Celestia answered. "Really are you sure? You seemed a bit...excited there for a second..." I said with a smug grin. Celestia attempted to look uninterested but I already caught on. "Really... I'm quite alright Derrick..." She said with a shake of her head. Bitch I know you want some fucking cake.

"Aww... That's a shame... This Delicious Chocolate Cake will go to waste..." I said as I used my magic to cut a piece off. Damn I don't know whether to love or hate magic right now. This cake smells fucking delicious! I could see a drop of sweat run down Celestia's brow... But she remaind calm and in control. I took a bite and holy FUCK was it good! It has nothing on anything Pinkie can wip up though. I cut another piece and walked over to Celestia.

"You're really missing out... There's plenty of cake here if you change your mind..." I said as I brought the cake closer to her. She averted her gaze and gulped. You know you want this shit! I saw her nose wrinkle slightly as the chocolate aroma flooded her senses, She then turned back and gave me a stern look.

"I will not!" She said as she pushed the slice away.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm on a diet!"

Wow... did she really just say that?

"You? Diet? Hahahaha!" I said as I busted out laughing. Celestia didn't look pleased. "Are you trying to imply something about my figure?" She said with narrowed eyes. Oh fuck I pushed a button just now didn't I? Unfortunately I couldn't contain myself... Someone as slender as Celestia on a diet? LOL! I tried my hardest to cover my mouth but it was just too funny. Celestia looked like she was about to take off or something, but I stopped her by grabbing her leg. "Hey! Wait a sec!" I said as she slowly closed her wings. She looked less than thrilled to hear what I have to say. That frown gives me chills!

"Celestia trust me, you don't need to be on a diet...like at all.." I said with a serious expression. She seemed to calm down somewhat, but she still looked agitated. "Your figure is fucking perfect! Even angel like! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!" I said sternly. Her beautiful magneta orbs softened, and that amazing smile of hers returned. I realized we were kinda close... Like a little TOO close. So I let go of her forehoof and leaned on the balcony with my hands on the railing. Celestia giggled and trotted over to me. I tried to occupy my thoughts with something else, so I looked over nightime Ponyville. It was peaceful for the most part, besides a few totaled houses on the outskirts.... And fires... OK this isn't working.

Celestia suddenly leaned in and kissed my cheek. "I'm not REALLY on a diet by the way..." She whispered into my ear with a giggle. My eyes widened and my cheeks turned red hot. "Thanks for the complement though..." She added with a wink. I sat there and stared at her, completely dumbfounded. I should have fucking known, Celestia would never be that self conscious of her body! She's had over a 1000 years to dismiss such things! And I just spouted all that motivational shit about her perfect curves too!

I've been trolled.

Now I'm feeling a lot more awkward and nervous than before. "Uh...I...uh..." I stammered. Celestia just laughed again and I frowned at her. "No cake for you!" I muttered, then I looked back at where the cake was and realized nothing was left of it but crumbs. I ran over to it and picked up the plate. "What the fuck? Where's the-" I could see Celestia chewing on something in the background. "-cake..." I said as my shoulders sagged.

I just got trolled...AGAIN!

"Fucking Alicorns..." I muttered as I grumpily tossed the empty plate onto the stool again. I walked up to Celestia and shook my head.

"You know you could have just asked for the fucking cake..."

"Yes, but this was more fun!"

" Yeah...for you..."

"You did tell me to eat some..."

"That's a bigass some... Seemed like the whole damn cake to me."

" You must be seeing things then...you should get some rest."

"Goddammit Celie!" I blurted. i facepalmed so hard that I could have cracked my fucking skull. "Well at least I still have these..." I said as I tried to motion the two floating slices of cake to me. Only to realize they weren't on this plane of existence anymore.

"No...fucking...way..." I breathed. "They...were in my fucking... Magic...h..how.. Did you get them? I can't even...." I said with a Deadpan stare. My shoulders slumped once again and I sighed heavily.

Trolled... Thrice....

I just sat there blankly and Celestia came over to me and nuzzled my cheek. "Don't feel bad DJ... it was just a bit of fun!" She said with a warm smile. "I could conjure another Cake up if I wanted. I don't care anymore..." I muttered as I walked over to the edge and leaned on the railing again. "Oh? Something else on your mind?" She asked curiously as she walked next to me. "Yeah, Twilight wants me to go to this slumber party with her friends..." I muttered with a shake of my head. "A sleep over? It sounds like good fun! What's the issue?" She asked. "Well...the issue it that everyone there is a girl..." I said with a nervous smile. Celestia gave me a deadpan expression, which I'm not used to seeing from her.

"Seriously?" She muttered, making me feel somewhat immature. "Me...the only...guy...and six girls... Alone..." I said as I made a light motion with my hands. It took her 2 seconds to realize what I was talking about. "Oh...I see now..." She said with a giggle. "I don't think you have much to worry about, I was present at one of their slumber parties..." She said with a shake of her head. "Yeah... No kidding... They wouldn't dare act up around you.." I said with a scoff. Celestia raised her hoof to say something but stopped short. "Good point.." She admitted. "Yeah long story short, I'm not going to that shit..." I stated firmly. "I see... I still believe you have nothing to worry about. It's not that time yet..." She said confidently. "That time? Oh shit... I keep forgetting..." I said as cringed. "Worried about... The season?" She asked with a smug grin. "Hell yes I'm worried about the season!" I blurted. "The effects of the season won't be noticeable for some time... You'll be fine tomorrow..." Celestia assured. "Well... I guess so..." I said with a shrug. "Even if they don't try to fuck me, I'm still not keen on hanging out with them..." I muttered. Celestia seemed slightly disappointed. "The Elements of Harmony are a joy to be around...you may not be fond of them now, but they can truly become good friends if you give them a chance." Celestia said. I averted my eyes and frowned, much to Celestia's dismay. "Just give them a chance DJ... If you don't like where things go then I doubt even the Mating season would make them devious enough to prevent you from leaving." She said with a laugh. "You can come by the castle tomorrow if you like..." She offered kindly. "Alright Celie... I'll think about it.." I said as I stretched my arms.

"Celie?"

"Yeah Celie! What? you don't like it?"

"I do... But it's a bit... Strange..."

"Why?"

"Nopony calls me that..."

"But remember Celie...I'm not a pony..." I said with a smug grin. Her musical laughter blessed my ears once again making me laugh with her. You know what? Celestia Is a pretty chill mare. It's pretty fun hanging out with her.

"Well... I suppose it's quite late now... I should be going..." She said with a sigh. "Thanks for checking on me and all..." I said with a chuckle. "You're welcome Derrick! As I said before, feel free to stop by the castle anytime..." She said with a warm smile. "Yeah... Then I can trick you out of your cake..." I said with a smug grin that she returned. "I highly doubt that... But you may try..." Celestia said confidently as she stretched her wings. Before she took off she nuzzled my check again. Dammit! Someone high up is mashing the "make it awkward" button. Well fuck you someone high up!

"Ahem...uh... Goodnight Celie..."

"Goodnight DJ. Rest well." She said as she took off into the air again. As she got further away I began to feel colder. She must really posses some innate warmth from the sun, or maybe I was so distracted I failed to notice how cold it is. Alright I seriously need to hit the sack or I'm going to die. As I walked down the stairs I figured I may as well give Twilight and her friends a shot. Maybe they're as cool as Celie? They can't be that bad right? I'll give them a chance. I think I'll be visiting the castle tomorrow regardless though. Hopefully Luna doesn't carry out her threat. I plopped on to the couch and finally relaxed. Ahh... Im so relaxed right now... Time to get some good rest...

...

"Goddammit, I still have to clean up that fucking salad..." I muttered aloud angrily.
> Act 4 part 1: Extra Guests
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 4 part 1: Extra Guests

"HOLY FUCK THAT'S COLD!" I suddenly yelled as I jumped so high that i almost hit the fucking ceiling. Someone just poured a bucket of Ice water on me while I was asleep. "What the hell?!" I said as I looked around for the culprit. Twilight, Spike and Rainbow Dash, were on the floor laughing their asses off. "Alright which one of you technicolor freaks came up with this?" I muttered angrily as I balled up my fists. "We had to wake you up somehow! You wouldn't budge!" Rainbow said with a snicker. "I was tired! What the heck did you wake me up for anyway?" I demanded. "Because it's like... 3 in the afternoon..." Rainbow said with a deadpan expression. Damn! 3pm? I must have been in a fucking comma!

"Holy hell..." I said as I stretched and yawned. Rainbow watched my every move closely. "Wow... I still can't believe you're Dawn..." Rainbow said as she stared up at me. I just realized I'm in my human form, so i was about to change again out of reflex. luckily Rainbow already knows about it. "You know... You still didn't tell me where you got the cool new magic from..." Rainbow said, as she glared at me. "I promised didn't I? I'll fuckin tell you later!" Its a long story! " I barked. "Ok fine. You're like 3 different guys right?" "Yep... I'm Dawning Jade, Drift Jolt and Dauntless..." I muttered with a firm nod. "Who's... Drift jolt?" Rainbow asked, looking lost. I stayed silent and Transformed into my Pegasus form. Rainbow's cheeks turned a light shade of Red and her wings Twitched. "Oh... That guy..." She said quietly. "Yep. and this is Dauntless..." I said as I turned into my earthpony form. She nodded and I turned back into a human, and sat down on the couch again. Rainbow regarded me with a blank stare. Uh oh...

"You're not mad, are you?" I said carefully. "Mad? Hay no! This is AWESOME!" She erupted, doing an emotional 180. "Huh?" I muttered, taken off guard. "Yeah! There's finally a Pegasus in Ponyville that isn't lame or slow!" She said happily. "Who?" I asked innocently. "You ya featherbrain!" She said with a roll of her eyes. "You're really cool and you can fly fast!" She said with a grin. "I guess... Except Dawn can't fly, and Drift didn't save shit..." I muttered. "Oh yeah... I forgot... Two different ponies..." She said with disappointment. "But you are pretty fast! Well not as fast as me... I would have caught you anyway, if you didn't use that cheap blinding spell! I almost crashed!" She said as she folded her front hoofs and looked cross with me. "Whatever... You deserved it for watching me sleep!" I retorted. "Hey! It was a legit investigation!" Rainbow said in her defense. "Sure it was..." I said sarcastically as I waved it off, remembering how Rainbow was draped over me.

"Hey Twi?" I called out.

"Yes DJ?"

"When's that sleep over of yours starting?"

"At exactly 6:30 pm! Why? Did you change your mind about it?" Twilight said with a glimmer of hope.

"Yeah... I'll give it a shot I guess..." I said with a shrug. Then Twilight and Rainbow made these super high pitched girly screams that scared the hell out of me. "Oh my gosh! The slumber party just got 20% cooler!" Rainbow said with a smile that I swear was ripped off of Pinkie's fucking face! Twilight's was worse, because her smile made that fucking "squee" sound that I thought I heard the last of. Sometimes these ponies make me question my sanity a little bit...just a little...

"Why are you here so early Dash?" I asked randomly. The sleepover doesn't start for another 3 hours, so I don't see why she would be here early. "Oh that reminds me... Twi! I was wondering something..." Rainbow said suddenly. "What is it?" Twilight asked, tilting her head. "I have a friend from out of town that's coming to stay with me for a few weeks. She's coming in a few hours and I don't want her sitting in my house bored while I'm gone. So I was wondering if it would be ok if she came to the sleepover?". Oh god...not more girls! Please say no...

"Sure!"

Dammit!

"Who is she?" Twilight asked. I couldn't hear who Rainbow's friend was, because I was too busy cursing. "Really? Are you sure? Last time she was in town things got kinda... Dramatic..." Twilight said with a cringe. "Nah Trust me Twi she's changed a ton! She won't cause any problems!" Rainbow assured. "Alright then..." Twilight said with some uncertainty. "That's 5 extra guests... I have to tell Pinkie to make some extra sweets... And I'll need Applejack to bring extra food..." Twilight said to herself as she used magic to write something d own on her notepad. Wait a sec... 5 extra guests? That's me, Rainbow's friend and...3 others? "

"Who are the other 3 Guests?" I questioned with some fear. 3 extra girls? This is going to be fucking nuts! "Well... I thought about what you said yesterday... The others really wanted you to come... So I pulled some strings and got some other boys to come to the slumber party!" Twilight said timidly, as she looked at me for my reaction. Hmm... I wonder who? Probably some "eggheads" as Rainbow puts it, considering the way Twilight acts. "So who else is coming?" I asked curiously, getting through this sleepover will be so much easier with other guys around... Even if they're boy versions of Twilight.

"You already know most of them.." Twilight said as she flipped a page on her notepad and listed the names. "Big Mac is coming..." She said first. Ok forget what I said about the nerds! This is going to turn out a lot better then I thought! Although... I wonder how any of them convinced Mac to come. I'm pretty sure he avoids these things like the plague. "Flash Sentry is coming..." She said next. Huh... That guy? He's alright I guess... I didn't really get to know him while I was in Canterlot, so I don't know what to say there. "And Soarin..." She said as she stopped reading the list. I scratched my head and blinked a few times.

"Uh...who's Soarin?" I asked. Twilight opened her mouth to answer, but she was interrupted by Rainbow's unusual fangirl scream. What the shit?

"Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!" She blurted.

"What's the big de-" I started to say before Rainbow grabbed Twilight and hugged her tightly.

"You actually got SOARIN to come to our slumber party!? You're a whopping 21% cooler now!" She said as she kissed her checks repeatedly.

"Is he some sort of celeb-"

"Only one of the coolest WONDERBOLTS ever!" Rainbow yelled out! Twilight and I just sat there with deadpan expressions, I hope no mares out there Fangirl over me like this when I'm not there. "Oh my gosh I can't wait! This is going to be so bucking awesome!" Rainbow said as she stomped the ground. "Gosh...calm the fuck down... It's just a dude..." I muttered with irritation. "You're just jealous because somepony may or may not be cooler than YOU!" She said with a smug grin. I blinked a few times, then laughed in her face. She seriously thinks that I care? If anything, I HOPE he's cooler than me, because if all the girls are drooling on him then they won't be drooling on me!

"Whatever Dawn...Derrick... DJ... Gah! I don't even know what to call you!" Rainbow said with a frown. "Just call me Dawn..." I said as I rubbed my chin. I should swing by Canterlot before this thing starts. I have to let Celestia know that I decided to give the slumber party a chance. I should really look into those letters I'm supposed to be sending, it would save a shit load of time. Then again I'm not going to lie in saying that I'd rather talk to her face to face.

"Twilight what time does this thing start again?" I asked as I turned into my Pegasus form and walked toward the door.

"6:30 pm... Why?"

"I'm gonna swing by Canterlot real quick and tell the Princess something..."

"Ok...why fly that far when you can just write a quick letter?" Twilight questioned with some suspicion

" Because... I like to fly?" I said with a nervous smile. It's not like I'm lying by saying that, because flying is the shit. Rainbow seems to perk up slightly when I said that. Calm your multicolored ass down! I'm pretty sure I don't like flying as much as she does.

"Ok then... while you're there, you can probably catch Flash and Soarin and fly back with them?" Twilight suggested with a smile. I nodded and Swiftly left the house. Hot Damn flying truly is fucking amazing! Unfortunately my fear of heights isn't necessarily gone yet though, so I might have a random ass panic attack if I try anything. I decided to get some altitude, so I wouldn't be seen by too many on the ground. As I looked back on the town of Ponyville I failed to realize that while the Earth ponies and Unicorn walk the ground, there are still a few Pegasai zipping around the sky also. Fate decided to burn this realization in my head, by making me run straight into one of them... Fuck you fate...

Thankfully we weren't going too fast out it would have resulted in a concussion or worse. She was a grey Pegasus with yellow hair and... Yellow...eyes? She shook her head and blinked a few times. "Oh I'm sorry mister!" She said as she quickly checked herself. She was wearing a mail bag and her cutie mark was...a bunch of bubbles? Wouldn't it be the UPS logo or... Uh nevermind...

Her eyes are.. Crossed... Or something... Probably because I bumped into her. "Uh... No it's fine..." I said. Then before we both went our separate ways she sniffed me. "Hey...you smell like muffins..." She said cripticly. "I do?" I said as I smelled myself. Huh...I DO smell like muffins... That's fucking weird. "Ok... I don't have any..." I muttered. The Pegasus seemed saddened by that statement and she slowly flew away.

...

The fuck?

Ok that was an odd mare... Her eyes seem to be permenatly crossed, because they stayed that way the whole time, maybe she's always been like that. I wonder what her name is? Meh... she's gone already, and I'm floating here like a dumbass! I took off toward Canterlot, except this time I went all out. I arrived at the castle within minutes! Now let's see here... Should I take the front entrance... Or land on the Balcony? Hmm... I don't see her on the balcony... And the doors are closed.. Fuck it I'll take the front! I landed and hopped into a nearby Bush and transformed into Dawn. Hm... Well... The entire guard knows about me already... So I can probably just ask them to take me to wherever Celestia is. So I did just that.

"Hey...uh... Can you take me to the Princess?" I whispered to a nearby patrolling guard. "Of course sir! Follow me!" The guard said obediently. Sheesh... I wonder what kind of authority Celestia gave me? Eh it doesn't matter, I doubt I can really bark orders at these guys without getting smacked. I followed the guard through the main castle doors. We were in that front entrance room.. You know... The HUGE one with the 3 huge hallways that lead to different places in the castle... 3 huge hallways that I never knew fucking existed. Man... Why am I so bad at navigation? I bet if there wasn't a clear view of Canterlot from Ponyville I would get lost somehow. I'm a little determined to memorize this Castle's crazy ass layout this time. "Where is the Princess at?" I asked. "She is currently in a meeting with some of the nobles, it's supposed to end shortly..." The Guard explained. "Cool. Lead the way!" I said. With a nod we started walking. Alright... So we took a left... Went up some stairs...took a right...went down some stairs...and we're at the meeting hall! Alright! Aaaaaaaaand forgot the directions... Dammit!

"Just Wait outside until the meeting is over, it should only be a few minutes..." The guard said as he started to walk away. "Hey thanks! Wait what's your name?" I called out but he disappeared around a corner. Well shit then. The meeting hall looked like most of the other halls did to me. Big, Tall, Fancy, Marble, Gold, Red Carpets, Red Drapes, Paintings, Fancy Windows and Big ass doors. There were two guards standing outside of what I assumed were the doors to the meeting room. The one on the left straightened up when I approached. I noticed that the one on the left was a girl and the one on the right was a guy, the girl looked really nervous for some reason. I stood in front of the doors, slightly on the left far enough to not get hit when they swing open. The girl guard started whispering discretely to the guy guard.

"Psst! Hey Breeze!"

"What?"

"Do you know who that is?!"

"*sigh* yes Blaze, Everypony and their mother knows who that is..."

"Oh my gosh! I can't believe Dawning Jade is here!"

"*yawn* yeah... Cool..."

"He's so much cuter than the others said..."

"Ok... That's great blaze..."

" I can't believe he saved all those citizens, and Princess Luna!"

"Yeah... Whatever..."

"And then he can transform! He's all you could want in a stallion, and the best part is under that disguise he's really that cute human!"

"..."

"Y..you don't care do you?"

"Nope..."

"I bet if it was Twilight sparkle you would care..."

"N...no... What are you talking about?"

"We ALL saw those pictures dude... You got caught red hoofed..."

"Uh...I h...have no clue what you're talking about.."

"You basically worship her breeze! We found your shrine!"

"Sh..shut up!"

"She doesn't even know you dude!"

"S...so? Dawn doesn't know you either! And I saw YOU'RE shrine!"

"Shut up!"

"Hey you started it!"

"Fine..."

...

"Finally... Quiet..."

...

...

...

"I wonder if he could hear us..."

"Shut the buck up Blaze..."

Well that was truly something... Apprantly the fact that I can transform is in fact a turn on... I guess I can see why Rainbow wasn't mad at me... She's just happy I have magic AND flight. Also Apprantly... Twilight and I have...uh...dedicated Fans. I wonder how much info the guard was told about me? I'm honestly surprised the secret isn't out yet. I know that it's only a matter of time, but once this planet knows about me, I feel like I'll be an international celebrity...and target. The main reason Celestia said we should hide my magic is because someone out there might try to capture me and use my Chaos magic for evil and bad things. I heard a bunch of hoof steps coming from behind the door, making all three of us straighten up.

The massive doors swung open and 4 very well dressed ponies came out, walking at a very fast pace. They looked pretty upset for some reason, and before I could really get a good look at them they were gone. Then Princess Celestia came out of the room looking quite agitated herself. Damn what the hell happened in there? The Princess was followed on either side by 2... Identical looking black and white mares wearing glasses who looked like secretaries or maybe assistants. They were both bombarding her with requests, and shoving papers in her face to be signed and approved. Damn... Her job looks like hell! She still hasn't noticed me yet... Ok. Quick! say something cool to get her attention!

"Sup sunbutt!"

Nailed it...

Celestia looked up from the depressing torrent of papers and beamed when she saw me.

"Dawning Jade! Its good to see-"

"Princess! You just wasted 3 seconds greeting that pony! We must be efficient and wise with our time if we are to complete the days tasks on time!" One of the ponies scolded. Celestia's eye twitched slightly and she turned slowly to them. "Please Princess, we must stay on schedule!" The other pony said. "The schedule is love...the schedule is life..." One said while she hugged her notebook tightly. Creepy fucks aren't they?

"Blossom, Daisy?"

"Yes Princess?"

"Go take your lunch breaks..."

"What???? Right now? B...but the schedule! It won't allow it!" They sputtered simultaneously, yep definitely Twins...

"Well MAKE the schedule allow it...all I request is 5 minutes..."

"Y..yes Your Highness!" They said obidiantly. "Come on Blossom! If we run, we can save 2 minutes on the schedule!" One of them yelled as Celestia and I watched them disappear down the hallway.

...

"Damn Celie... Your job sucks Vagina cheese..." I muttered.

"Oh...heh... Its not that bad..." She said with a giggle.

"I think it's bad when your schedule can't even allow 3 seconds to say hi to a friend."

"Well you can thank the nobles for forcing my two new wonderful assistants on me."

"I don't have time in the schedule to thank them Celie..." I said sarcastically. Then we both laughed uncontrollably. Then Celestia nuzzled my check affectionately making me blush from being caught off guard. She then gave me this puzzled look.

"Are you...ok?"

"Don't have time in the schedule to be ok."

"Ok... Its not that funny anymore..."

"Because there wasn't time in the schedule for it to be funny."

"Seriously stop..."

"Dammit..."

Celestia giggled again making me smirk. "Anyway... I just wanted to swing by and let you know that I decided to got to the sleepover..." I said plainly. "Excellent! But..." Celestia said trailing off.

"What?"

"Why didn't you just...send me a letter?"

"Because I really wanted to see you Celie... Uh... I mean flying is the shit!"

"Ok then..."

"Apprantly some other guys are coming too!"

"Really?"

"Yep! Mac is coming, Flash is coming and some Guy named... Soarin..."

"Ah Soarin of the Wonderbolts..."

"What's he like?"

"He is a Respectful colt who is VERY confident in his abilities. He's also quite charming as well as-"

"Princess!" Interrupted Blossom and Daisy, as they rounded the corner with food stuffed in their mouths. The bitches probably inhaled their food to get here in time. "It's been exactly 5 minutes and 12 seconds! We must go!" One of the twins yelled. Celestia sighed and turned to them. "I'm afraid I must go... Tell me how it goes tomorrow..." Celestia said sadly. "Alright Celie... Wait before you go... Do you know where Flash and Soarin are? I was going to fly back with them..." I asked. Celestia nodded firmly and turned to one of the Guards.

"Corporal blaze!" Celestia called out.

"Y...yes Your Highness?" Blaze said, straightening up nervously.

"Please escort my friend here to the Pegasus barracks..."

"Yes Your Highness! Immediately!" Blaze said as she sprang to life. The dude guard next to her started silently laughing his ass off. The Princess and I waved to each other, then her and her assistants vanished, leaving me with the two guards. "Ok...right t..this way mister D..dawn... " Blaze said nervously as she started to walk down one of the hallways and I followed right next to her. I know this girl is going to try and talk to me, watch this shit.

5...4...3...2-

"So... You're the famous shape shifting human..." She said. Damn... I started too late . "Yep..." I said simply. She fell silent again for a little while, probably thinking of what to say next. "So...you seem pretty close to the Princess..." She said, catching me off guard. "Uh...yeah?" I said sheepishly. "A...are you guys... Going out or something?" She asked bluntly. My cheeks felt hot as I immediately shook my head. "N..no! Were just friends!" I blurted. Blaze seemed happy... Almost relieved from my answer. "Ok... Just wondering!" She said with a mischievous grin. Uh oh... I don't like that look.

Before I could find out her plan I noticed that we'd reached the Pegasus Barracks. It was a 2 story building separate from the castle with a large grassy area around it. I could see a handful of pegasus guards on the ground doing stretching exercises but that was it. Now let me remind you of something... These are fucking Pegasus... Which means there's probably some over elaborate clou-

...

Holy fucking Christ! There was this huge cloud platform floating in the air above the structure. I couldn't see what was on it from down here but around it they had all kinds of cloud obstacles surrounding it. It looked like a huge floating obstacle course! The pegasus were running drills, doing combat training, playing some weird sport I can't identify... All in midair. Hmm... I guess I should have known... I am in Equestria after all.

"They're up there somewhere... I guess you'll have to-" I changed to my Pegasus from and started stretching my wings.

"-Transform..." Blaze finished, as her tail wagged slowly. "Oh...wow..." Blaze whispered as I did a few test flaps. "Thanks blaze... I'll see ya around..." I said with a wink as I took off. She basically fainted right then and there. Heh... I think I'm starting to find all these Fan girls and thier reactions entertaining. I can't get carried away or else they'll get the wrong Idea.

I flew straight up onto the platform, and what I saw on it was strange. There were lunch tables, chairs and even little coolers lying on top of it. so I guess it's a floating cafeteria platform? Whatever, let me just find these two knuckleheads so we can fuckin leave. I started looking around, I figure since Soarin is popular, he'll be in the biggest group. Unfortunately it didn't take long to be recognized by one of the Pegasus Guards.

"Hey! It's the shape shifting dude!"

"You mean the human?"

"Yeah!"

Then they all slowly stopped what they were doing to look at me, slowly forming a big crowd around me. It seemed that the majority of them were girls, which made me nervous.

"Uh...sup?" I said, making them all giggle. There were a handful of ponies observing the scene from the outside, talking among themselves. I'm getting worried that one of these girls might try something, odds are they're physically stronger than me because they're all military, and I'm not. So far nobody has approached me yet, so this is getting a bit irritating. "The fuck are you all looking at?" I said sternly. Making a few in the crowd laugh. Then one of them finally decided to approach me...actually... 3 of them. They were wearing these weird suits that covered most of thier features, the suit looked exactly like the one Rainbow wore last night, except the colors were blue and yellow, hmm... I guess these guys are the super awesome possum WONDERBOLTS. When they walked over everyone seemed to snap to attention and return to what they were doing. The one in the middle didn't seem happy, while the two on the sides were smirking The one in the middle had orange and yellow hair, the one on the left had white hair. The last one was definitely a guy, and he had blue hair.

The two girls walked up to me, the one with the white hair stopped in front of me while the one with the Orange hair circled me slowly. I really hate being in the spotlight... I can feel them all judging the shit out of me. I was honestly about to just take off and wait for These guys to come to Twilight's, but the orange hair pony started to speak.

"Why are you here?" She asked.

"Uh...I was in the area... So I came to see if Flash and Soarin were ready to go to Twilight's party... Do you know where they are?" I asked.

"Who gave you premmison to waltz into my barracks?" The orange haired girl asked with annoyance, completely ignoring my question. Hm... She must be the leader... I kinda did just waltz in didn't I?

"Princess Celestia.." I muttered. That seemed to kill off her snappy attitude. I guess I can understand, I'm pretty sure there are laws back home against civilians walking into military bases.

The girl with the white hair raised her goggles, revealing her eyes. "Im Fleetfoot, 3rd officer of the Wonderbolts..." She said confidently. Then the dude with the blue hair took off his goggles and smirked. "I'm Soarin! Second officer of the Wonderbolts!" He said proudly. Damn I can practicly feel the confidence coming off of this dude! Celestia wasn't fucking lying. Then the Girl with the Orange took off her goggles. "I'm spitfire, Captain of the Wonderbolts as well as the Royal Pegasus Force!" She said with a friendly Nod. Huh... So these guys are basically military? Special forces? I'll ask Soarin to Clarify Later. "So... What's your name?" Spitfire asked.

"Well... When I'm like this my name is Drift Jolt..." Muttered with a shrug. "Drift jolt huh?" Fleetfoot said as she walked up to me and examined my wings. "May I?" She asked as she held a hoof out to my wings. "Sure? I said hesitantly. She then grabbed and pulled my wings out with her hoofs. My cheeks instantly turned red. I forgot how sensitive my wings are!

"*Whistle* You've got a decent pair here!" Spitfire said, as she and Fleetfoot looked at my wings. So these are like the best of the best as far as flying right? I'm a little curious about my wings to be honest. My nervousness morphed into curiosity "So...how do they look?" I asked carefully. "Impressive span and build...these are definitely racing wings..." Fleetfoot said. "I know you're not really a pony and all... But Your talent is wasting away!" Spitfire said with a frown. "With wings like that I think he could win a race against one of us one day!" Fleetfoot said with a smirk. "He'd have to Train his flank off first, but maybe..." Spitfire said with a nod. Woooow... The Princesses said the SAME thing about my magical ability! Fuck! It would have been nice to start off as overpowered as Celestia is, then I wouldn't need to train just to keep myself safe from this places magical creatures. Then again... I'm pretty sure that thing with the Ursa was a one time event anyway. "Ugh..." I moaned quietly. "Sensitive are we?" Fleetfoot said in an almost sensual manner as she poked and prodded them. I'm so overwhelmed with sensation right now that I can't fucking move or speak anymore. Thankfully the Big ass crowd was long gone.

"Uh I hate to interrupt this 'examination' but we've got places to be!" Soarin suddenly said with urgency. "Oh... Right sorry..." Fleetfoot said as she snapped to attention. "Come on Drift let's go get Flash. He said he was changing, and I have to take this suit off anyway..." Soarin said as he motioned for me to follow him off the platform. My wings bolted back to their default position and I stepped away from Fleetfoot nervously "Right... Let's get this shit over with... And stuff" I muttered as I followed him. He hopped off and glided toward the ground below, I could see Spitfire and Fleetfoot giving us a casual wave that we returned. I guess just met the Wonderbolts...Rainbow is going to snap my fucking neck.

...

"Wow Fleet... That was a pretty good excuse..." Spitfire muttered.

"What?"

"Saying you wanted to see how good his wings were..."

"But... I did want to see them... "

"Yeah... And you also wanted to touch his 'sexy body'..."

"..."

"Shut up!"

"Hahaha!"

...

Soarin and I landed on the ground next to the building. "Alright wait here, I'll go get Flash..." Soarin said as he jogged inside. I'm glad he said something earlier, those sensations were intense! I was fucking powerless! I'm just glad I didn't get..."excited ". I waited for what seemed like an eternity until Flash Rushed outside followed by a walking Soarin. "It's 6:24! Were going to be late!" Flash said as he fidgeted nervously. "Dude chill...it's not a party without us there!" Soarin said with a confident smirk. "Yeah and besides... We can fly!" I said as I spread my wings. "Yeah but that's easily a 10 minute flight!" He complained. "Eh we'll make it..." Soarin said with a shrug. We all took off into the air gaining some altitude for the glide to Ponyville.

"So you're going to do it tonight... RIGHT?" Soarin said. He shot Flash a stern look. "Y...yeah...tonight..." Flash said as he averted his eyes. I couldn't help but wonder what they were talking about. "What are doing flash?" I asked curiously. He rubbed the back of his neck and smiled nervously. "Well...uh..*Gulp* I'm going to...ask Twilight out..." He stammered. Oh...ok... Kinda saw that coming. "Well I guess that's why you're going. What about you Soarin? Why are you coming?" I asked. "Well this guy right here came to me, freaking out like 'HOLY BUCK SHE INVITED ME TO A SLUMBER PARTY!'. He was a nervous wreck who didn't know what to do..." Soarin said with a chuckle. "Really? I thought you were a lot less nervous around Twilight... What happened?" I asked. "Well...usually I am... But this is DIFFERENT! So many things could go wrong at a slumber party! I could do something stupid in front of her friends..." He said sheepishly. "Yeah the guy came to me asking 'Dude what suit should I wear?'" Soarin said making us both of crack up. Wow... who the fuck wears a suit to a slumber party? He really did need help. "So I decided to step in, Twilight said it was Ok that I could tag along, so I'm going to help him out during the party..." Soarin said. "Hmm...to be honest... I've had no experience with a girl slumber party..." I muttered with a shrug. All the ones I've been to were just guys being guys...Shit talking each other as we played Xbox and drank beer. I'm honestly a little nervous about what to except. "Well from my experience it's just a regular party for the most part, you just don't go home afterwards..." Soarin explained. "Flash...it will be fine..." I muttered and he nodded sheepishly. "I also agreed to come because food!" Soarin said as he licked his lips and rubbed his stomach. Yep I understand this guy now.

"Hey Derrick... Uh... I mean...Drift...er...Dawn? What the Buck do I call you again?"

"When we get to Ponyville, get used to calling me Dawn..."

"Ok Dawn... Does anyone there know who you really are?"

"Yeah... Twilight, Spike, Mac and Rainbow know..."

"Ok cool...wait WHAT?"

"Huh?"

"Rainbow Dash is going to be there?!"

"Uh...yeah..."

"FLASH! Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I didn't know!"

Then Soarin let out one of the most annoyed groans I've ever heard.

"What the problem?"

"The PROBLEM is my 'Bestest most Coolest and Awsomest fan' will be there..." Soarin said with a Deadpan expression.

"You should have seen her reaction when she heard you were coming, she forgot all about me and started bouncing off the walls!" I said with a snicker. Soarin shook his head and sighed.

"Shit"

"Woah? You use Human cuss words?"

"They're not Human, they're any race that isn't a pony. I end up hanging out with some Griffons from time to time, and I picked up the words.." Soarin said. Wait... So that means I don't have to say "buck" anymore? Thank fucking god! He said Griffon though... That word sounds familiar...

"Yeah... But anyways... She's nice and all but it can be a bit much sometimes..." He said with annoyance.

"What exactly do the Wonderbolts even do? I thought you were just Celebrities.."

" Well I guess we are... But we mostly oversee the Royal Pegasus Force's operations. We also go to local shows and competetions from time to time. We are also pretty much considered the best flyers in Equestria. " Soarin explained.

"Yeah... All I heard from Rainbow Dash was 'they're super awesome possum!"

"Yeah... She goes to all of our stunt shows... ALL OF THEM..."

"Heh... Fangirls..."

"Well she's not just a fan... She's participated in a few of our events and she's a pretty good flyer... In fact one of the best I've seen for her age, she could make a great Wonderbolt one day..." Soarin said with a hopeful grin.

"Yeah... She's fast as fuck..."

"Too right..."

"I tried flying away from her once... Wasn't fun..."

"You got away?"

"I may or may not have cheated by... blinding her with light for a few seconds..."

"Damn... That's harsh..."

"It had to be done." I muttered and we both laughed.

"Anyway Dawn... What's in it for you? Why are you going to the sleepover?"

"Me? Well... Apart from food... And the Princess suggesting it, I'm just going to have fun I guess." I said with a shrug.

" Oh I see... Food is a good enough reason by itself... "

"What do you mean?"

"If Applejack and or Pinkie pie cooked, then my stomach is going to orgasm!"

"I know right!" I blurted as we laughed again.

"So are you guys going to do all the dares?"

"What?" Flash and I said at the same time.

"If this party is anything like the ones I've been to in the past, then I know for a FACT that Truth or Dare or Spin the bottle will be on the list of activities. Heck maybe even 7 minutes in heaven!"

"Fuck!"

"Buck!"

This shit could go from an innocent friendly party, into something awkward really fast.

"Well... Are YOU doing all the dares?" I demanded.

"Most likely... Go big or go home I always say! I wouldn't mind getting a kiss from some of Twilight's friends anyway..." Soarin said with a confident smirk. "I have a reputation to uphold too..." He added.

"Ok then... What if it's Twilight?"

"Then I'll pass the torch over to Flash!" Soarin said as he glanced at him. That made Flash's checks turn red.

"Goddamn Flash... you're going to be the next Fluttershy if you don't Stallion up before we get there!" I said. Soarin and I laughed hysterically, making Flash frown.

"Are YOU going to do all the dares Dawn?" He demanded. I responded without thinking.

"Hell yeah!" I said confidently before realizing what I said.

"Hell no!" I corrected but it was too late.

"Hmm... Ok then I'll do all the Dares if you do!" Flash said...... With a flash of confidence.

"Very well...I will do all the dares too then!" Soarin added. Shit! Can't pussy out now!

"I will too... on one condition..." I stated.

"What?"

"We can't dick each other over, by making up insane dares, and we have to refuse if We end up in the closet with Twilight...unless it's Flash..." I suggested. I could see one of them saying something outrages like, "Go French kiss Rarity" or something, and I would definitely be losing that shit.

"Deal!" We all said as we shook hooves. Holy shit what did I just agree too!? I'm pretty confident I'll do the dares, but I don't know what I'll do if I have to kiss one of Twilight's friends.

"The loser owes everyone else a beer!" Soarin added. Well I guess I'll be buying these motherfuckers beer then... Because I'm not Frenching Rarity... Or any of them for that matter. Good thing I still have 250 bits from Celie!

We finally arrived at Twilight's. The sun was setting, but since my watch wasn't on me I didn't know the exact time. We landed behind her house and I quickly switched to my Unicorn form. "Alright bros get your game faces on!" I said jokingly as we swung around to the front. We walked up to Twilight's door and Flash knocked. A few seconds later Twilight answered the door, looking quite unhappy with us. "You're late..." She said blankly. "What time is it? I asked. "6:31" Twilight muttered. Me and the guys looked at each other and started snickering, only Twilight would complain about somebody being a minute late. Twilight shook her head and let us inside. As we walked in, I saw that a couple people were here already. I could see Mac and Applejack sitting on one of Twilight's couches talking about something. Fluttershy sat on a smaller couch opposite to them. I could also hear somebody else in the kitchen. "Where is everypony else?" Flash asked. "Fashionably Late..." Twilight said Dryly. The three us walked over to Mac and the others and sat in nearby chairs. "Well get started once everypony is here!" Twilight announced as she went into the kitchen.

"Sup Mac!" I said as I sat next to him.

"Howdy Dawn, Flash, Soarin." He greeted with his stoic expression. "Howdy there Dawn!" As Applejack Ran up to me and nuzzled my check, making me Deadpan. There's going to be a lot of that tonight... Get used to it! Then she offered her hoof out to the others and basically broke thier forelegs.

"Ahhh! That's a strong shake you've got there Applejack..." Soarin said as he winced in pain.

"Yeah...no kidding..." Flash said with a frown. I just silently laughed at them, to avoid getting broken limbs I'm going to let her slide with the nuzzling.

"Hi...everypony..." Fluttershy almost whispered. We all smiled back at her and waved making her blush. Then we sat and waited, Applejack and Mac were busy talking about what day they should harvest the apples or some shit. After a few minutes we heard a knock on the door again. "I've got it.." I muttered as I hopped off the couch and answered it. I slowly swung the door open, Rarity was standing there Grinning from ear to ear. "Oh...uh hey Rarity..." I mumbled before getting another nuzzle. "Thank you for opening the door! You're such a gentlemen!" She said with a giggle. "Whatever..." I said as I closed the door behind her. As we walked over to the group I noticed something... Rarity's walking with an odd swing in her hips...I didn't know she had a plump plot... Wait what? FUCK! IM DOING IT AGAIN!

"Hello everypony! Sorry I'm late..." She said with a nervous smile as everyone greeted her.

"Howdy!" Mac and Applejack said.

"Hi Rarity..." Fluttershy whispered.

"Hey..." Flash muttered.

"Heeeeloooo Rarity!" Soarin said with this cheesy smile.

Rarity sat next to Fluttershy and I sat down next to Soarin and tapped his shoulder.

"What?" He whispered.

"Why are you cheesin bro?"

"What? I'm not..."

"You totally are dude... Your smile is so cheesy I can fucking smell it..."

"Shut up!"

We sat there for a little while longer when an interesting topic came up. "So Fluttershy... You're not going to be scared of Rainbow Dash's friend right?" Rarity asked. "Well...Rainbow Dash said she's a lot nicer now..." Fluttershy mumbled as she looked at the ground timidly. "Well that's a surprise... She is a Griffon and all..." Applejack said as she rubbed her muzzle. Huh? Rainbow's friend isn't a pony? Dammit... what the hell was a Griffon again? I know back home it was one of those mystical creatures, like Dragons... Cerberuses...hell even Unicorns! Hmmm...Oh shit! I remember now! A Griffon was a Lion mixed with a bird! Oh god... I imagine it will look quite grotesque... These ponies accept anyone I guess.

Then another knock came at the door, this time Soarin jumped up to answer. I think Pinkie is in the kitchen with Twilight, which means that Rainbow and her friend must be at the door. Soarin Opened the Door and was almost Tackled to the ground by Rainbow. "Ohmygosh! Hi Soarin!" She said in a girly voice. "Uh... I mean...what's up Dude..." She said as she calmed down And let him go. "Hey... Rainbow Dash..." He said blankly. Then he looked behind her "Who's your friend?" He asked with a raised brow. "Oh this is Gilda! Come on Gilda! Don't be shy! come in!" Then I heard someone in the doorway. "I'm not shy you little a shi-" she said as she stopped herself and walked in. Hm... Let's see here... Grotesque is not the word to describe her. She was indeed half bird half lion, but she didn't necessarily look ugly like some other mystical creatures in Human fiction.

She walked in and closed the door behind her. "What's up?" She said simply with a smirk. Everyone smiled back at her except me and Fluttershy. I'm pretty sure this is the first non pony I've seen besides Spike, I can't help but feel a little shocked. She walked over to Fluttershy and smiled nervously. "Uh...no hard feelings right?" She said. Fluttershy shook her head and smiled back weakly. Soarin returned to his spot next to me while Rainbow opened the door and flew out. A few moments later she Brought a small cloud into the house. "Ahh I love these things!" Rainbow Said as she kicked back and relaxed on the cloud.

"Sup Rarity, Applejack, Big Mac..." Gilda said. As she went across the room. Then she stopped at me and Flash And raised her brow. "Uh... Who are you?" She asked.

"I'm Flash sentry..." Flush muttered. "Ok then..." She said with a nod as she moved on. "I know you! You're Soarin! Second officer of the Wonderbolts Right?" Gilda said with a grin. She gave him a fist bump with her claw hands. Then she moved onto me and raised her brow. "And you are?" She said curiously. I was about to speak when I suddenly heard a girly scream come from the kitchen, so loud that it apprantly woke Rainbow dash up... Who somehow fell asleep within a span of a few seconds. Then none other than Pinkie motherfucking pie came Barreling out of the kitchen and tackled me. "Hihihihihi!" She said happily as she hugged and squeezed me. Unfortunately for me, Pinkie is an Earth pony... Meaning she might fucking kill me with this hug. "P..pinkie... Get...off..." I struggled to say. Then Twilight came out of the kitchen and used her Magic to pry her off of me. "Chill out with that crap... I'm still sore from yesterday!" I said as I angrily crawled back onto the couch.

"Yesterday? What did you do yesterday?" Gilda asked with a puzzled look.

"Oh I just-"

"Saved the Town..." Rainbow Dash said casually.

"And Princess Luna" Twilight added.

"And my sister" Applejack added.

"And mine" Rarity added.

"From what?" Gilda asked.

"Oh just an Ursa minor... And it's mother..." Soarin added. Gilda seemed genuinely impressed but thankfully she wasn't freaking out. "Really? Those things are freaking huge!" She said with widened eyes.

"They forgot to mention I almost Died... Twice..." I muttered with annoyance.

"Don't be modest! You did good!" Flash said with a smirk.

"Yeah! The Laser you used to put down that Ursa major, could be seen for miles!" Rainbow said.

"Ugh... I charged the Damn thing for 2 minutes! And it got back up anyway" I snapped as I folded my hoofs, I hate being praised so much!

"Just face it Dear...you're a hero!" Rarity said with a smile. I just rolled my eyes and frowned.

"Whatever... I'm never savings you guys again..." I said, making everyone laugh. I'm serious motherfuckers! Keep laughing! "So what's this hero's name?" Gilda asked. I opened my mouth to speak, but Pinkie answered for me "His name is Dawn!" She said with a giggle. "I can say my own name Dammit!" I snapped again, making everyone laugh. Is this how this party is going to go? I say something serious, and everyone laughs? Tonight is going to be a looooong night..

"Well I'm Gilda... Nice to meet you and stuff..." She muttered as we fist pumped. Nice to meet you too..." I said with a nod. She seems alright, I'm just glad she's not fangirling all over me like the others do. She sat down next to me and Twilight cleared her throat.

"Hello everypony! Thank you for coming! This slumber party is a bit larger than I'm used too, but I'm sure it will be fine! We'll start the party games after everyone's had something to eat. " Now who's hungry?"

"Woohoo FOOD!" Soarin said enthusiastically, making the girls giggle.

Twilight Pinkie and Applejack left the room to start bringing out the food. And the party began. So far so good...

> Act 4 part 2: Truth or Dare?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 4 part 2: Truth or Dare?

Pinkie started zipping in and out of the kitchen at speeds rivaling Rainbow Dash. Each time she did, a new dessert would appear on the large table in the center of the room. There were cakes, cookies, salads and brownies. Then Applejack brought out her legendary apple pies which, made everyone's mouths water from proximity alone. Then finally Twilight brought out what appeared to be two Drink Coolers. One of them was red and one of them was blue. I wonder why? The second she placed them down I was on top of them though, because I'm super fucking thirsty. I pried open the blue cooler and stopped in my tracks. There were a bunch of assorted drinks floating in a pool of water, and it was warm! "Twilight? Where is the ice?" I mumbled. "Oh! I forgot to cast the chill spell!" She said with a giggle as she lit her horn up. "Chill spell?" I questioned as she aimed at the warm water. Then I watched as a blue beam zapped the water, forming a sheet of ice that instantly started cooling the drinks. Huh... Should have seen that coming.

She then walked over to the red cooler and did the same. Rainbow casually flew up to the red cooler and reached inside, but Twilight immediately swatted her hoof away. "Ah ah ah! We're saving those for LATER..." Twilight said as she shook her head. "Aww man!" Rainbow said with a frown as she returned to her cloud. I took a peek inside before she closed it, and it looked like there were assorted whine bottles in there, as well as some small barrels. So I guess blue is the general purpose drink cooler, while red is the booze, got it. There were some plates and silverware laid out too. "Well y'all can help yourse-" Applejack started before almost getting steamrolled by Soarin. "I'll take this and this and this and-" Soarin said excitedly as he took one of everything. This motherfucker can eat! I decided to go ahead and get something now before Soarin eats it all. So I got 2 vanilla cupcakes, a BIG slice of Applejack's famous pie, A few brownies and a small bottle of apple juice. I didn't really know where to sit so I sat across the room at that glass table that I broke, now restored. Soarin and the other Guy's sat with me while all the girls stayed at the couch area. Both groups were far enough to where we couldn't hear what the other was saying.

"Oh man! I'm Loving this pie!" Soarin said as he happily dug into his food. "Eyyup! that's my sister's cookin for ya..." Mac said with a chuckle. "These brownies are fucking heavenly!" I said as I threw one in my mouth. "Holy crap! I'm coming down here for cake more often!" Flash said as he munched on some chocolate cake. "Now y'all stop acting like y'all never had Sweets before!" Mac said with an annoyed snort. He calmly placed a piece of pie in his mouth. "Hey! We don't eat this kinda stuff every day like you do..." Soarin said, as he shot an angry glance at Mac. "So mac... what did they do to get you to come?" I asked curisoly. Mac then looked down in embarrassment. "Uh... Ah actually.... Wanted to come...." He whispered. Wait what? "Really?" I Said in shock. "Y...yeah..." He muttered with a nervous smile. "Ok...why?" I asked, I thought he doesn't like going to parties! And suddenly he actually WANTED to?

"Well....honestly... Ah came because a certain... Pony was gonna be here..." He whispered as he looked over to Fluttershy. Oh.....ohhhhh.... I see now. I remember he told me that he liked her. "Wow..... Are me and Soarin the only ones that didn't come to hook up?" I muttered with annoyance. "Actually.....now that I'm here..." Soarin said with a sly grin, as he looked over at Rarity. "Fuck you guys...." I muttered with a facepalm. "So what game do you think we're playing first?" Flash asked. "Were probably going to start off with something tame...like board games or something.." I muttered as I drank some applejuice. "Really? I hope we go straight into the good stuff! I'm ready for some Truth or Dare!" Soarin said as he murdered some cookies. "I just hope they don't give us crazy Dares..." Flash said nervously. "Unless you want to buy that beer, you're going to have to do it regardless..." I reminded. "What are y'all going on about?" Mac questioned. "We have an agreement to do every dare that the girls throw at us...even if it involves kissing..." Flash muttered with disdain. Mac started to laugh. "Why on earth would Y'all do that?" He asked. "Oh its just for fun! I mean... Don't you agree that it would be lame if we all said no to anything we were slightly uncomfortable with?" Soarin said. "Hmmm I guess so..." Mac muttered with a nod. "So are you going to do it with us?" I ask. "Nnnnope! Ah am going to sit back and watch y'all embarrass yourselves!" Mac said with a laugh. "Alright then ya fuckin pussy..." I muttered angrily. Mac just laughed again, I guess he really doesn't care.

After that we fell silent and focused on eating. The girls on the other side were too busy talking up a storm to focus on eating. Even with our silence we still couldn't discern exactly what they're saying. I wonder what they were talking about...

...

"Well that's a load of Horseapples..." Rainbow dash muttered as she set her head on the cloud with an annoyed sigh. "Do we really have to start the slumber party off with *gulp* that game?" Fluttershy asked nervously. "Well... According to the book, starting it off with this will make the party more exciting..." Twilight said as she flipped through "How to have a fun slumber party (with boys edition)". " I still can't believe that you're following a damn book for this thing... " Gilda said with a facepalm. "Well that's Twilight for ya..." Applejack said with a giggle. "Personally I think it's a wonderful idea!" Rarity said happily. "Yeah... You just want some smooching from Dawn over there..." Rainbow teased. Rarity opened her mouth to retort but stopped short. "I'm sure we all want a little somthin from Dawn..." Applejack said with a smirk. "I want to give him a big warm hug!" Pinkie said happily. "Uh... Didn't you already crush his bones?" Gilda pointed out. "No silly! I want to give him ANOTHER hug!" She said with a giggle. "I just want to win that bet that we made a while ago..." Applejack said with a smirk. "What bet?" Gilda asked curiously. "They made a bet to see who could win Dawn over first..." Twilight said with a deadpan expression.

"Yep! And there is only one pony cool enough to win it! And that's yours truly!" Rainbow said confidently. "Oh please... Get you're head out of the clouds darling." Rarity said as she snickered behind her hoof. "Y'all can keep dreaming, because ah am gonna win!" Applejack said with determination. "I don't get what you see in him..." Gilda muttered as she Glanced over to Dawn across the large room. Then Rainbow, Rarity and Applejack looked at her like she was crazy. "Really Gilda? You've dated a few stallions in the past, and you can honestly say that Dawn ISN'T a total Hottie?" Rainbow questioned as she pointed toward the stallion in question. Gilda paused and looked at Dawn again "ok...he's... Kinda hot... I guess..." She muttered as she nodded slowly. "I still don't see why you want him between your legs so badly..." Gilda said with a smirk. That seemed to silence the three mares as they're cheeks turned Red hot. "Uh... I'm afraid I don't have the slightest clue of what you're talking about dear..." Rarity said as she averted her eyes. "Uh...ah...ah don't..." Applejack muttered. "I don't like him that much..." Rainbow said with a nervous smile.

"Yeah right.... I can fucking smell your hormones raging... It's that time of year for you mares isn't it?" Gilda said with a smug grin. All the girls looked away and sat silently. "Yep that about confirms it for me..." Gilda said with a laugh. "H..hey its not funny..." Rainbow muttered completely flustered. "In all seriousness though... Even if one of you 'wins his heart' the rest of you are going to have to look elsewhere..." Gilda reminded. "Not trying to burst your bubble but there ARE other guys at that table..." She added. The three took some time to consider that before Rainbow spoke up. "But... Two of them are..uh...taken..." She said. "Taken?" Gilda questioned. "Fluttershy likes Big Mac and Twilight likes Flash!" Rainbow quickly blurted, making Twilight Furious and Fluttershy almost faint. "WHY WOULD YOU TELL HER THAT!!!" Twilight yelled at the top of her lungs making everyone freeze in place. The guys stopped they're conversation and looked to the velvet mare with shock.

...

The Fuck?! Why is Twilight yelling? Is the gossip that deep already? Whatever it is, she's fucking pissed! Me and the guys sat there with wide eyes and gaping mouths, as Twilight realized the whole room was staring at her. Soarin leaned close to Flash and whispered "That's all you buddy..." He teased as he snickered behind his hoofs. "Hey let's go over there... We're all done eating anyway..." I whispered. Then we all shuffled awkwardly to the table.

"Um....uh....I..." Twilight sputtered, here eyes pinpricks as she sat there completely flustered. "Uh... I think its time to start the first party game... Right Twilight?" Rarity said. "What? Oh yes! Yes it is!" Twilight said quickly as she snatched the a book off the table and almost forgot her outburst completely. I raised my brow and tilted my head slightly. "Hey...what's the book for?" I asked. "Twilight is following instructions from it to run this party!" Gilda said with a laugh. I did a slow motion face hoof and all the guys laughed making Twilight snort angrily. "Hey lemme see the book..." I asked. Twilight simply let go of it and I willed it over to me and started flipping through it. It was a highly detailed guide on how to host the party. I then came upon a chapter labeled "naughty" which peaked my interest. There I was thinking that it was talking about Dangerous pranks and Dares. Lets see what this chapters about...

...

...

...

*slams book shut*

I almost tossed the fucking book at Twilight. I sat there with red hot cheeks "Uh...go ahead and start the game..." I muttered while looking away. "You look like you saw a ghost! Are you ok Dawn?" Rainbow asked with a smirk. "Yeah... I'm good..." I muttered without looking up. "What was on that page?" Gilda asked. "You don't want to fucking know..." I said with a shake of my head. She just narrowed her eyes, then Twilight spoke up again. "Alright everypony! Gather around the table...." She said. We all sat in the same configuration as before and waited.

"The first game we're going to play is Truth or Dare!" Twilight said with a wide grin, making me and the guys groan loudly, except Soarin. "Yeah! Bring on the Dares!" He yelled confidentiality. "Everypony must go once, and no pony can challenge somepony who just dared them." she added. Ok good, I could see a scenario where I end up going back and forth with the same person. "I'll start the game off and we'll go from there..." Twilight said as she rubbed her chin and looked around, probably thinking of something sinister. Then she looked at Rainbow with a sly grin.

"Rainbow Dash Truth or Dare?" Twilight said with a smirk.

"Truth.... Buck! I mean Dare!"

"Too late! Who do you have a crush on in this room?"

Rainbow smiled nervously and looked hesitant to say anything at all.

*Cough* "Dawn" *Cough*

"What was that? Couldn't quite hear you..."

"DAWN!" She yelled angrily her cheeks flaming red. Everyone then looked at me like they were expecting me to say something. What do they want from me? Are we supposed to kiss now then run off into the sunset together? Fuck off!

"Uh...can I have my face back?" I said in annoyance getting them to look away.

"Ok my Turn!" Rainbow said excitedly, completely abandoning her embarrassment as she looked around the room for her first victim.

Pleasedon'tpickmepleasedon'tpickmepleasedon'tpickme...

"Dawn, Truth or dare?"

FUCK!

Ok let's think about this shit... If I pick Truth, she'll ask me some awkward shit like "whoes your crush?" Or "how big are you?" Or something. If I pick Dare then she'll make me do something awkward. Hmm...

"Dare!"

"Alright I dare you to... Show us some cool magic!" She said with a smirk.

"Really that's it?" I asked in surprise.

"Yep!" She said with a firm nod. Wow! I can't believe it! Maybe this won't be so bad after all! Ok what should I do? I could.. Conjure up something? Na... I could shoot a laser! Meh... Damn... I don't know that much cool magic... Well at least things I could show them... Crap!

"Uh... Anyone thirsty?" I asked nervously. They all muttered various forms of yes. "Alright here goes?" I said as I powered up my magic. I used it to conjure a glass of water in front of everyone. Everyone seemed genuinely impressed... Except Rainbow Dash.

"Laaaaame..." She muttered with a shake of her head, making me growl angrily.

"What do you mean lame?"

"I mean that was so lame, that you're in the negative for coolness right now"

"So? Everyone else thought it was neat!" I said as everyone acknowledged with a nod.

"Yeah but I'm the one who dared you!" She said firmly.

"So? I did what you asked!"

"I said some COOL magic!"

"You know what? FINE!" I yelled as I transformed into my Pegasus form. Everyone's Jaws Dropped, except Twilight and the guys who already knew about it. Hmm.... Something tells me Rainbow just wanted to see my Pegasus form again.... Dammit how am I going to explain this?

"Oh my..." Rarity said in shock.

"Oh my Celestia..." Applejack said, completely mind blown.

"No...fucking...way!" Gilda almost yelled.

"..." Fluttershy said...or whispered... Or... Whatever, she didn't say shit.

"Oooooo!" Pinkie said as her eyes brightened up to the point where I could see my reflection in them.

"Just An.... illusion spell I've been working on..." I muttered nervously as I changed back. "That's... Pretty cool...." Gilda admitted with a nod. "That was quite impressive! That must require some powerful magic..." Rarity said as she looked to me in awe. "Oh oh oh! Do it again!" Pinkie asked cheerfully. "Uh..no can do... It takes too much of my magic.." I muttered as I scratched my head. "That was pretty impressive Mr.Dawn..." Fluttershy said kindly. I nodded in return then I looked at Applejack and almost cursed out loud. She was looking at me suspiciously... Shit she's onto me! She looked like she was about to call BS, so I quickly took my turn.

"Applejack, Truth or Dare?" I quickly asked, making her suspicions fade.

"Uh... Dare?"

"I Dare you to... Uh... Go the rest of the night without your Hat and your hair ties!" I said sheepishly. Hey... shut up! I couldn't think of anything!

"The whole night?" Applejack asked as she gripped her hat tightly and looked nervous.

"Yep!" I said with a smug grin. She sighed and slowly removed her hair ties, letting her mane and tail hair free. Then she removed her hat, placing it and a small box on the table. Rainbow Dash lost her shit. "Ha! you look ridiculous!" She said as she rolled on the floor. "You have beautiful hair Applejack! You should let me style it sometime!" Rarity said with glistening eyes. "Ah don't want no fancy hairstyle, ya hear?!" Applejack said angrily. That made everyone else lose there shit. Along with me. I basically imagined Applejack with Rarity's hair style.

"Hey what's in that box?" I asked curiously, as I pointed to it on the table. Applejack suddenly started smiling devilishly. "That there box has the stuff for mah Dare..." Applejack said with a mischievous grin. "Oh ok..." I muttered as I averted my eyes. That grin makes me nervous... I seriously hope I don't get whatever is in that box! Well... It seems like Applejack has forgotten about whatever she was suspicious about at least... For now.

"Alright.... Let's see here..." Applejack said as she looked around the room for a victim. This time I was pretty lax because I know she can't pick me because I just picked her.

"Big Mac! Truth or dare?" She said as she pointed to him.

"Dare!"

"Alright then... Ya already know what I'm going to Dare ya to do..."

"Eyyyup!"

"And are ya gonna do it?"

"Nnnnope!"

"Wow Mac... Way to puss out..." Soarin muttered with a disappointed head shake.

"What was the dare?" I asked curiously. Applejack grabbed that box from earlier and opened it, revealing the contents to everyone. There was a set of three Bright blue plump peppers. All the girls Gasped while Me and Soarin looked confused. "The Fuck are those?" I muttered with a raised brow. "Those...those are frost peppers aren't they!" Twilight said, with widened eyes. "Frost pepper?" Soarin muttered still looking puzzled. "That's a pretty extreme Dare Applejack, even for me!" Rainbow muttered. "Looks like fun to me!" Pinkie said happily. "That's because you think everything is fun Pinkie..." Gilda muttered.

"Heh... Come on Mac! It can't be that bad..." Soarin Muttered as he flew over and snatched up the box, then he returned to his seat next to us with it. "I'll eat one with you if it makes you feel better Mac..." He muttered as he held one in his hoof and studied it. "Yeah right... I don't think you're Stallion enough..." Gilda teased with a smirk. "What?!?" Soarin blurted with an angry snort. "You heard her... You're not Stallion enough to eat that pepper!" I teased as I nudged his side. "Ha! You're not either!" Gilda said with a laugh. "WHAT DID YOU SAY????" I suddenly yelled, surprising some of the girls. Then Gilda walked over to me.

"I said... YOU'RE... NOT... STALLION... ENOUGH... TO... EAT... ONE!" Gilda said sternly as she poked my Chest with each word. Ok... Challenge accepted bitch!

"Soarin..."

"What?"

"Give me one of those fucking peppers..." I demanded. He nodded and tossed me one and I caught it with my hoof. I maintained eye contact with Gilda as I got ready to eat the pepper. I've had pretty hot peppers back home.. Like the legendary ghost pepper, so I'm fairly confident I can handle this thing.

"You going to eat one too Flash?"

"Nah...I'm good" he muttered nervously.

"Alright whatever suit yourself ya fuckin wuss..." I muttered, getting a few giggles as I raised it to my mouth.

"You ready Soarin?"

"Yeah! Let's do it!"

"Alright! 3...."

"2....."

"1....."

"Eat!"

*chomp*

Soarin and I tossed the peppers into our mouths, making everyone Gasp, especially Gilda, who I maintained constant eye contact with the entire time.

"You guys are fucking idiots for actually doing it..." Gilda muttered with a shake of her head.

"Whatever... You're just mad because we ARE stallion enough to handle whatever you throw at us!" I said as I tapped my chest confidantly.

"Yeah... And apprantly you're also dumb enough..." Rainbow muttered as she started laughing again.

"Say what you want girls, but we did it!" Soarin said. Then me and him did a bro hoof and smiled confidently. Then we made our way over to Mac.

"I can't believe you didn't eat one Mac, that was the mildest pepper I've ever had!" I teased.

"Y'all say that now... But later you'll regret even lookin at those peppers..." Mac said with a smug grin.

"Pfft! Yeah right! That was the best thing I've ever had!" I said with a chuckle.

"Right Soarin?"

...

"RIGHT SOARIN???"

...

"Soarin?" I said worriedly as I looked over to him, what I saw pretty much got me out of this "I'm a stallionly motherfucker" mode. Soarin appeared to be frozen in place. His eyes were pinpricks and his expression was stuck in complete agony. He sat there speechless, occasionally letting out a breath that was somehow visible even in this warm room. What the fuck is wrong with him? Oh...Oh...oooooh... I think I get it now... I...I think I understand why its called a FROST pepper...

Suddenly my jaw completely locked up and I started to shiver. Then my mouth started to feel cold... Like the entire mass of Antarctica was in my fucking mouth! "F...f...f...u...c...c...k" I barely managed, as I sat there in agony. Everyone started laughing except Rarity and Fluttershy, who looked like they just felt sorry for us, Twilight just cringed really hard. HOLY FUCK THIS SUCKS DONKEY NUTZ!!! You know that feeling you get when there's ice in your mouth, and its cold to the point where you want to spit it out? Well that's us right now... Except we can't spit it out! We feel it all over our mouths and throats, even our fucking stomachs feel it! Oh and also... Worst Brain freeze I've ever experienced in my entire motherfucking life!

The Frost pepper is so crazy that its too much for my regular bullshit list. It instead goes on my ADVANCED bullshit list... Along with Pinkie Pie and Celie's appetite for cake.

"Y'all alright? Ya look a little.... Frosty..." Mac said as he and the others errupted in laughter.

"Yeah guys! You just need to....chill..." Rainbow said with a smirk.

"Heh...don't give us the... Cold shoulder..." Gilda added.

"I groaned loudly because of their shity ice jokes, Only making them laugh harder. Rarity, one of the only ones not currently exploding with laughter walked over to us.

"Aww... Leave the poor dears alone... Look at them! They're in absolute agony!" Rarity scolded getting the assholes to stop laughing.

"Alright Rarity... We'll put the jokes...on ice!" Rainbow muttered making them all laugh again. Oh god... They're fucking jokes are almost worse than my freezing mouth right now. Twilight used her magic to summon a nearby book off a shelf. She opened it and flipped to a certain page and started reading.

"The Equestrian Frost pepper. It's technically the mildest pepper out there because it Freezes your mouth instead of burning it. Symptoms include, paralysis in the face and mouth. Constant shivering, breath so cold that its visible, brain freeze, as well as feeling 40-20 degrees colder than you actually are." Twilight read out. "The effects of the pepper can last from a few minutes up to a few hours depending on the pony. Some report feeling cold even though they're other symptoms were long gone." She added. Soarin and I Groaned in annoyance, I can't imagine feeling like this for more than a few minutes, let alone a few hours. I feel like I'm freezing to death!

"Twilight Dear... Does the book say anything about possible remedies? The poor boys are suffering..." Rarity said as she looked at us sadly. I find it a bit worrying that she's the only one trying to help us right now. At least Rainbow and the others stopped their obnoxious laughter and jokes, they were so bad that they probably gave me cancer.

"It says here that a simple hug from a friend can temporarily Reduce the severity of their symptoms, As well as a kiss from one close to their hearts..." Twilight answered. Huh? That's a weird ass cure. Equestria is a strange place... The worst part is she said nothing about straight up making the effect go away so Soarin and I are still Dealing with this for a while.

"YAY! HUGS!!" Pinkie Yelled out as she clinged to me in a tight embrace. Great...now im cold...AND getting my bones crushed! This better fucking work. "Oh come here Darling let me help you..." Rarity said with a warm smile as she Grabbed Soarin into a loving embrace. they sat there hugging us for a couple seconds. "Uh...I don't think its working-" Gilda started to say. "WOO! I CAN FEEL MY FACE!" I suddenly blurted as I thrust my front hoofs in the air victoriously. "YEAH I'M BACK BABY!" Soarin yelled.

"Uh...yay..." Mac muttered with a nervous smile. Soarin and I looked at each other and smiled mischievously, we were thinking the same thing.

"Just pause the hug for a second Pinkie..." I said as she let go of me. I slowly started walking toward Mac. "Excuse me Milady..." Soarin said respectfully, as he did the same. We both walked over and stood next to Mac menacingly on either side of him. Everyone stayed silent in anticipation of what we were about to do. "Uh...howdy..." Mac muttered as he backed away slightly.

"Mac"

"Yeah?"

"You're going to eat a frost pepper..."

"Nnnnope!"

"Eyyyup!"

"NNNOPE!"

"EYYYUP!"

Before he could move I immediately used my magic to restrain him. " It's gonna happen Mac... Just take it like a stallion... " I muttered as Soarin took the last Frost pepper out of the box and slowly Raised it Toward Mac's mouth. "Open up big guy..." Soarin said with a smug grin. "Now fellas let's talk about this!" Mac pleaded. "Nope!" Soarin muttered as he shoved the pepper into Mac's mouth. He tried several times to spit it out but my magic wouldn't allow it. He finally gave up and chewed and swallowed the pepper. "What did y'all go and do that for?" Mac demanded angrily. "Payback for starting this shit..." I muttered.

"But I didn't start nothing! Mah sister brought the dern peppers!"

"Yeah... Then you didn't eat them..."

"Its not mah fault Y'all wanted to be tough!"

"You're right...its Gilda's Fault..."

"Then...then why didn't ya make HER eat it?"

"Because I would claw your stomach open, hang you by you're intrails and use you as a punching bag if you tried?" Gilda interrupted.

"Uh...no..." I said with a nervous smile. Sheesh girl...

"Because you wussed out of your dare and we only had one pepper left..." Soarin answered for me. Mac just groaned angrily and waited for his icey doom.

"Hey... Look on the bright side... Its your turn to dare... And besides... You'll thank us later for this anyway! Trust me!" Soarin said with a wink. Mac just rolled his eyes and stared at the floor. I don't get what Soarin means by "he'll thank us later" Heh.. more like he'll embarrass the fuck out of us later.

"Hey Mac..." Soarin suddenly said urgently.

"What?" Mac said dryly.

"Chill..."

Then Mac's face suddenly froze and the pepper started taking affect. We both exploded with laughter, that was the most perfectly timed joke ever!"

"Hahaha! Dang... I suppose this is the part where we make cheesy ice jokes right?" I muttered as I looked to Soarin.

"I guess so...hmm"
...
...
...

"Damn. I can't think of anything.."

"Me neither.."

"Dash and Gilda took all the cool ones..."

"Dude you just said one!"

"Wow I did didn't I? I think I'm burnt out on the jokes now though..."

"Then maybe you should... Chill?"

"..."

"Yeah... Its not funny anymore..."

"Bummer..."

"This revenge is way less satisfying than I thought it would be..."

"Yeah now I just feel like a dick..."

We both sighed In disappointment and looked to the others. Twilight was neutral about the whole thing, Applejack had this toothy grin, probably because we made Mac do the dare for her. Rainbow and Gilda were trying their best not to laugh. Pinkie and Rarity had an extreme case of the giggles and Fluttershy... Was pissed.... Like... Absolutely fucking livid. I tapped Soarin who was smiling up until that point and we both sat there locked in eye contact with Fluttershy. It was as if the earth suddenly sat still and time stopped existing. Holy hell she's creeping me the fuck out! What is this look she's giving us? I feel like she's tearing my fucking soul limb from limb. Now I regret doing this to Mac... A little...

She said nothing and just glared at us as she walked over to Mac and gave him a loving hug. I think I see why Soarin said that he'd thank us now. I bet Mac would be cheesing his ass off right now. In fact now that he's thawed out he's cheesin hard! Unfortunately Fluttershy is still giving us that soul shattering stare. "So...I'm sorry and stuff?" I muttered. Fluttershy just stuck her nose up in the air and continued to hug Mac. Ok bitch be that way!

"You know... Mac has been thawed out for a while now..." I muttered with a ghost of a smile. Fluttershy's death stare finally ceased and her eyes widened. "Oh...uh...I was just.....EPP!" She said as she zipped away and hid behind one of the couches, prompting more laughter. Mac now unthawed, cleared his throat and stared at me and Flash, no doubt plotting his revenge Dare. Thankfully he can't pick both of us so...

Pleasenotme!Pleasenotme!Pleasenotme!

"Dawn, truth or dare?"

"FUCK! I mean Dare."

"Since ya wanted to play dirty and force that dare on me, ah dare ya to talk dirty to Gilda and Rainbow over there!" He said with a smirk. I deadpanned and immediately slammed my head against the table. Talk Dirty? TALK DIRTY? I can't do that! There a fucking reason majority of my dates went south! The what the hell am I supposed to say anyway? Bend over? Heh... I bet that would work in another situation somehow, but it just sounds like I want to rape everything that ever existed on every planet and exoplanet in the universe, I can't be that blunt!

"I have no clue how do this but ok..." I muttered sheepishly as I made my way over to them. They both looked like they were going to explode with laughter and everyone else leaned in closer to hear. You're not making it any easier assholes! Well I suppose it could be worse... I don't have to make out with them. I cleared my throat and tried to put on a straight face despite the awkwardness, it seemed they had the same problem as me because they couldn't stop giggling. I took a deep breath and looked at them seriously.

"Let's bang..."

...

"BWAHAHAHAHA!"

They all started laughing their asses off, some of them rolling on the floor even.

"A..am I really that bad at it?" I muttered nervously.

"Yeah...definitely..." Rainbow said with a shake of her head.

"Absolutely horrible..." Rarity muttered.

Pinkie said nothing because she was still laughing.

"Honestly I just feel offended..." Gilda said with a facepalm

"Ah think you should try again..." Applejack said with a hearty chortle.

"Um...no offense but that was bad....." Fluttershy said timidly.

"You definitely need help... I have a few books here if you wa-" Twilight started to say, but I shot her a stern look. Then I turned to the guys.

"Was it THAT BAD?"

"Eyyup!" Mac said with a chuckle.

"I honestly have no clue..." Flash said with a shrug.

"That was so sad that I almost cried..." Soarin said with a sigh.

Damn... I'm really bad at this... I almost feel required to try again. Alright Derrick you can do this! Hmm I'll use a dick joke! I think I'm fairly good at those. I'll start with a cheesy pickup! I shushed everyone and cleared my throat again. Remember... Just be sexy! I don't think telling myself to be sexy will actually make me sexier... Eh it was worth a shot!

"Wanna go on an ate with me? I'll give you the D later."

...

Can't tell how everyone feels about that one, I'm scared to even look. Well...at least nobody is laughing, I seem to have Gilda and Rainbow's attention though. Hell I'll go again, let's make it even cheesier!

"I'll kiss you in the rain, so you get twice as wet."

Silence.

Ok this Is weird... All the girls look... Nervous... "So... How did I do?" I asked curiously.

"I....uh....think you won't be needing the book..." Twilight muttered.

"Um.. you're definitely getting there..." Rarity said as she struggled to make eye contact.

"*giggle* I feel so warm and fuzzy!" Pinky chirped.

"That sounded... Alright.." Applejack said as she played with her loose hair awkwardly.

Fluttershy was... Gone? Oh nevermind she's behind that chair again. I hope she realizes we can see her tail poking out and also her a- Uh... Nevermind. I turned back to Rainbow and Gilda. Their wings were fully extended and they were staring into space slightly flustered and wearing that half lidded face. The girls weird behavior made me slowly scoot over to the guys. They were all sitting there wide eyed and I started whispering to Soarin.

"Did I do better this time?"

"I guess... What was with the voice?"

"What voice?"

"That voice you used the second time. It seemed to work wonders on them!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! Take a look!" Soarin muttered as he pointed at the girls. All of them were in varying degrees of bliss, trapped in some kind of weird trance.

"Holy shit your right!"

"Yeah! Whatever you did with your voice and your face did this."

"Yeah I guess... Wait my face?"

"Yes your face. You had this weird intense half lidded stare, heck I don't even know how to describe it!"

"Really?"

"Yeah really! Didn't you notice? You did it for crying out loud!"

"No...I don't remember doing that at all! I just told myself...'Be Sexy' and I guess it worked."

"It definitely worked... I mean look at Rainbow and Gilda!"

"What does it mean when their wings open like that?"

"It means their HORNY!"

"What? Really? Oh....ohhh...ohhhhhh... I see now..." I muttered. I really should have known because of all the wing boners I've seen... Heh kinda funny actually... The Princesses do the same thi- ohhhh SHIT! That's what's been going on? Gosh... I must be really hot! Or I've been cursed... Which is more likely in my opinion.

"Let's get the game going again..." I said in my normal voice. Alright it's my turn right? Let's see... Let see... Flash hasn't done shit yet compared to the three of us, so time to put him on the spotlight! Man.. I'm kind of a dick aren't I?

"Flash Truth or Dare?" I suddenly blurted, making all the girls snap out of their weirdness. Flash on the other hand looked half asleep until he heard me. "M...me?" He asked nervously. "Yeah you numbnuts! Truth or Dare?" I muttered with annoyance. Flash was too nervous to catch my insult because he was struggling to comprehend that its his turn to fuck something up. "...uh...t...truth..." He said weakly. Goddamn, you just made it 5 times harder for yourself Flash! I'm going to give him a dare that will actually HELP him. You know just a little nudge toward that goal of his!

"Alright... What do you think of... Twilight?" I said casually. Ok...I said little... I may have lied. All eyes were on him as his face turned a near impossible shade of red. "T...Twilight?" Flash whispered. "Yes Twilight! I didn't stutter... Now go on!" I barked. Twilight seemed to be eagerly awaiting his answer.

"Well...I uh..." He stuttered as he gazed nervously at her. Then as if he was just smacked in the face with confidence he suddenly straightned up.

"Well I think that she's A very Strong, Confident, Intelligent, beautiful and kind mare..." He stated with a warm smile. Twilight's looked away and blushed nervously, making her friends go "awww!". Then I patted Flash's back. " See? Was that so hard?" I asked. "Not... Really... I wasn't finished by the way..." He said with mild irritation. "Ok my bad then..." I said with an innocent smile as he cleared his throat to continue.

"As I was saying... You're a beautiful mare... Who I would love to take out on a date some time..." He said assertively. I swear... I think Soarin let this guy borrow some of his confidence or something. Twilight's cheeks looked like they were on fire as she responded timidly.

"W...when?"

"Tomorrow during the rescheduled nightmare night celebration?"

"Yes!"

"Sweet! I'll get you at 7:00"

"O..ok..."

The amount of "AWWW?" In this room is so loud that I'm fairly sure my ears are probably bleeding. In fact I bet this shit can be detected in space! "Just make sure its a DATE and not an ATE..." Gilda muttered, making the couple blush furiously and everyone else laugh. Way to ruin the moment Gilda, I applaud you. Pinkie was litirally bouncing off the fucking walls again. "Woo hoo! I'm so happy, I could throw a party! Hmm... Maybe i should throw a party! A Twilight and Flash are going on a date at 7:00 party!" Pinkie said aloud.

"NO!" We all yelled symeltanously.

"Aww...you're all meanies..." Pinkie pouted as she sat down and folded her hoofs. After that we all settled down again to get the game rolling. Flash rubbed his chin as he browesed the girls, probably because most of them haven't been picked yet.

"Hey Pinkie... Truth or Dare" Flash said.

"Yay! I finally get to go! Hm... Everypony has been picking Dare so I wanna pick Truth!" Pinkie said excitedly.

"Hmm...ok... Do you have a crush on any pony?" Flash asked carefully. Hm... Pinkie doesn't seem like the type for romance unless... She must have this alternative personality that yearns for affection that nobody knows about.... Heh probably not.

"How many can I pick?" Pinkie said without flinching, causing a few laughs.

"W..what? Just pick one..." Flash muttered as he raised his brow.

"Aww! Just 1 Pony? That would be unfair..." Pinkie said with genuine Disappointment. Me and others around the room began to look confused.

"Unfair how?" Flash asked.

"Because I love Everypony! I wouldn't be fair if I just picked one pony silly!" She said with a giggle.

"So there isn't a guy out there that you like more than the others?" Flash questioned.

"Well DUU! Of course there is!"

"But... You just said that was unfair...".

" You only mentioned ponies silly! "

"So...there is a Guy... That is not a pony... That you like?"

"Yep! He makes me feel all warm and fuzzy whenever I see him!" Pinkie said as she hugged her self.

"Ok then... Who is it?"

"That's a secret!"

"But... I asked if you like anypony..."

"And I told you I love everypony! If you're asking who I like that is not a pony than that's another story!" Pinkie said cheerfully.

"I am..." Flash said with a deadpan face.

"Oh! Why didn't you just ask silly?" Pinkie said with a giggle, flash looked like he was about to tear his tail off as everyone leaned forward to hear.

"My Crush is on DJ!" She said with a wide smile. Everyone gasped except Gilda, who looked lost as fuck. I on the other hand had a blank expression because I probably should see shit like this coming.

"Uh... Who's DJ?" Gilda asked, completely lost. "He's one of the rudest creatures I've ever met!" Rarity said angrily. Whoa! Oh yeah... I did kind of... Cussed her out and called her a cow didn't I? "Really? I thought the feller was pretty nice... Cute too!" Applejack added. "Well he is quite Handsome..." Rarity said with red cheeks. Dammit! It's like she's saying "he's an asshole, but he's hot so its ok!". "I wish I wasn't so... Afraid to talk to him... I would have loved to learn more about his species... " Fluttershy  said. "What is he?" Gilda asked curiously. "A Human..." Rainbow said. Gilda blinked a few times then started laughing. "Wow I can't believe you guys! You're pulling my feathers!" She said as she nudged Rainbow Dash. "Hey I'm not lying!" Rainbow said sternly. "Whatever... If he is real than where is he?" Gilda said smugly.

"Well...technically that's kinda classafied..." Twilight said as she bit her lip nervously. "Oh come on! You're going to stop now?!" Gilda said angrily. Twilight sighed and gave me a look that said "should I tell her?" I nodded yes, frankly I don't care as long as nobody knows that They're actually talking about me. "Well he is currently residing somewhere within the Royal castle..." Twilight said. "Where?" Gilda asked. "Why???" Rainbow almost blurted. "Because I won't believe there's a Human in Equestria until I see one!" Gilda said, brushing Rainbow aside. "Actually I would like to see him again as well, I feel that we got off on the wrong hoof.." Rarity added. "Its a bit strange how Twilight left with DJ and came back with Dawn..." Applejack muttered as that suspicious look from earlier returned. Uh oh. " Strange indeed... Dawn did you happen to meet DJ while you were In Canterlot?" Rarity questioned. "Uh... The human guy? Uh yeah..." I muttered. Twilight and the others who knew about me were looking just as nervous as I was. "Really? Did you get a chance to talk to him? I wonder how that procedure to purify his blood stream of Golden bud went..." Rarity asked. "Uh... It went ok I guess... I barely talked to him..." I muttered. "As one of Princess Celestia's students I would assume that you'd be a bit more...curious..." Rarity said. "Well I was... Its just... The guy can be... Kinda of a jerk..." I lied, trying to come up with a good excuse.

Damn... Now that I think about it... Being Princess Celestia's student was probably a bad cover. Ponies are going to expect me to be a Gentlemen and a scholar. Then again... I also forgot that I kinda abused ancient magic without her premisson and im supposed to be writing those "friendship reports" or something. I should probably try and get my first one thrown together soon...

"Whoa whoa whoa... YOU'RE one of Celestia's students?" Gilda blurted. "Yeah..." I mumbled. "Hm... Well that's weird... You don't seem like the bookworm type..." Gilda said. "Well I don't read as much as Twilight but I enjoy a good book sometimes!" I said with a grin. Thankfully that wasn't a lie at all! Its just... Back home I had Video games and the INTERNET so I've kinda had a "fuck that shit" attitude toward reading for a while now. "Yeah! Cool right? Dawn's a cool Egghead like Twilight! Except there's a lot less... egghead..." Rainbow said making Twilight snort angrily. "Uh...thanks?" I said sheepishly. "Can we...uh get the game going again, I haven't had a Dare yet..." Soarin suddenly said. "Oh yeah! Soarin Truth or Dare?" Pinkie said excitedly. "Dare! Give me a tough one!" Soarin said as he Cracked his neck.

"Hmm..ok... I dare you to kiss Rarity!" Pinkie said with a toothy grin. Woo not me! Soarin shifted his weight slightly and gulped nervously. "Flash you forgot to give Soarin his confidence back..." I whispered with a smirk. "Fuck up Dawn..." Soarin whispered back. "I'm Waiting..." Rarity muttered with a half lidded gaze. "Oooh shit dude! You better get your pussy ass over there quick!" I whispered as I pushed him. He turned and almost bit my hoofs, then he finally made his way over to the waiting fashonista. They were about a foot away from each other now, Soarin completely flushed while Rarity looked inticed. Huh... My urge to be a dick has returned. "Hey! No pressure bro! Its not like were ALL watching you or anything..." I said with wide grin, making everyone giggle. Sorian gave me a look that could have destroyed the death star, then he looked back to the eager mare. "Don't worry about them darling... Just focus on you and me..." Rarity cooed. I leaned closer to Flash and whispered in his ear. "Seriously... Give his confidence back.. He needs it..." I said. "Ok...fine!" Flash said sarcastically as he pretended to throw something at Soarin and deadpanned.

Rarity leaned forward and puckered her lips in anticipation. Soarin then leaned in and gave her a light half second peck....on her cheek. You had ONE JOB Soarin! Rarity opened her eyes and raised her brow. "You're kidding right?" She muttered. Making Rainbow and Gilda lose their shit. "Heh... Yeah..." Soarin muttered with a nervous gulp. "Hey what happened to go big or go home?" I shouted. Soarin stared back at me mouthing the words "I'm going to kick your fucking ass!". When he looked back, Rarity closed her eyes and puckered up again. Soarin leaned in and did a slight smooch on her lips. As he pulled away I heard Rarity growl. She suddenly grabbed him in a tight embrace, pulling him into another kiss, except this time FOR REAL. At first Soarin was surprised, then he cranked his kissing game up to 11.

*Commence Ultimate Epic Shameless Sloppy Make out scene*

Everyone started going "ohhhhhhhhh!" And I kinda just sat there. My mind started to wander into those dark areas that I force myself not to. Hmm... I wonder if me and Luna made out like that? That would be Totally hot... Hmm.... I wonder how Celie kisses.... Godamn... What has my life become? I'm seriously thinking about making out with Sexy, Tall, Technicolor, Magical, Pony Goddesses, like slow the fuck down brain!

"No!"

...

...

Uh... Who the hell said that?

...

Something Is definitely wrong with me... I'm going mentally insane. Fucking Equestria!

By the time I stopped thinking about Alicorns arse, everyone was back to their normal spots, and continuing the game.

"Gilda! Truth or Dare?" Soarin said.

"Dare..."

"I dare you to hoof Wrestle Applejack!" He said with a mischievous smile. Soarin you fucking Jackass! This bitch is gonna lose an arm! Applejack started chuckling. "He he... Now I don't think Gilda here wants a broken arm..." Applejack said with a smirk. "WHAT?" Gilda shouted. "Ya heard me..." Applejack said menacingly. "Well all I heard was 'Gilda please don't break my forehoof!'" Gilda teased. Applejack snorted angrily and placed her forehoof on the table. Everyone quited down as Gilda walked over and did the same... Except Pinkie... She was... Taking bets? "So far its 1/0 in Gilda's Favor, 5 bits a vote!" Pinkie said as she carried a hat around. Wait...Where the hell did the hat come from?!?

"Ah already know mah sis is gonna win..." Mac said with a Stoic expression.

"My money is on Applejack..." Soarin said.

"Hmm... I don't know... How about Gilda?" Flash said with uncertainty.

"Gilda..." Fluttershy whispered.

"Applejack'!" Twilight said.

"Gilda! You've got this!" Rainbow cheered.

"Applejack is my selection..." Rarity said.

Wow I can't believe these fuckers are betting on this shit... Especially since we all know Applejack is going to wipe the floor with... Oh... Wait a second... Is that muscle I spy? Hm.. It seemes Gilda is more built than I thought... Its almost scary! I...I think I'm going to change my vote now.

"I'm gonna have to say Gilda..." I muttered as I dropped 5 bits into Pinkie's hat. She went away and I sat there blinking for a few seconds. Where did I get 5 bits from?

...

Fuck it... Don't think about it... just keep rolling! Applejack and Gilda sat on opposite sides of the table their steel gazes locked on each other and their Arms...uh... hoofs...LIMBS were set. "Ok everypony, its 5/4 in Gilda's favor!" Pinkie announced. "You hear that farm girl? I'm winning already!" Gilda gloated with a confident smirk. "Well ah believe somepony is dead wrong bird brain!" Applejack shot back, making Gilda growl. "Let's get this shit over with..." Gilda muttered angrily as Pinkie began the countdown.

"5!4!3!2!1!"
Applejack and Gilda looked confused. "So...are we supposed to go now or WAHH!" Gilda blurted as she was interrupted by Applejack starting before she was ready. Gilda's arm was about an inch away from hitting the table. "That was a dirty trick Applecrap! But I'm still going to win!" Gilda grunted. Gilda started doing the impossible, she slowly started to recover until their arms were back toward the middle. My experience with arm wrestling has told me that recovering is pretty slim unless you're significantly stronger than the other person. Oddly though, they seemed to be at a stalemate now, they didn't lean too far in any direction.

Its been about 3 minutes now and they're STILL at it! Heh... If I was facing them they would beat me so bad that they would slam my fucking arm through the table! I can't imagine what the arm wrestle match between Mac and Celie looked like... Dammit! Why am I thinking about her again? Wait... I need to chill, I'm not thinking about anything bad... Well its not like Celie's ass is a bad thing... Aaaaaaaaand there i go again!

To my surprise the match was starting to get a bit hopeless for Applejack, because she was now sweating profusely and Gilda looked so bored that she even yawned a few times. "I think its about time for me to end this..." Gilda said with her trademark smirk. "Do your worst!" Applejack said definitely. Gilda cleared her throat then casually slammed Applejack's hoof through the table.

"HOLY SHIT!" Soarin and I blurted. "Language boys!" Rarity scolded. Soarin instantly shrunk and looked away "Sorry milady..." He said timidly. I just rolled my eyes and continued watching. "Few! Not gonna lie.. You put up a good fight Applejack!" Gilda said with a respectful nod. "Yeah...you too..." Applejack said as she stood up off the floor with a slightly pained expression. "Good match!" Applejack said as she extended her hoof. "Good match!" Gilda said with a kind smile as they shook hands/hoofs. Then they both clutched thier arms and cringed in pain. I was wondering when the massive muscle cramps were going to kick in. That match was too long for there to be none. Everyone who voted for Applejack had to pick their jaws up off the floor. Twilight just seemed a bit mad because they kinda smashed a hole in her fucking table. It seems like every time theres a gathering here, a table gets smashed.

"Uh sorry about the table... " Gilda muttered with a nervous smile. Twilight grumbled and shook her head as she used some kind of spell to fix it. Pinkie gave 9 bits to everyone who voted for Gilda and we continued with the game. "Alright! Fluttershy Truth or Dare?" Gilda called out. All we saw was Fluttershy's nervous after image, because she zipped behind that couch again. Gilda rolled her eyes and sighed. "Come on Fluttershy, I'll give you an easy one!" Gilda snapped. Fluttershy poked her head out from around the couch and gulped. "R..really?" She whispered. "Yes really! Now come out from behind there!" Gilda said with a facepalm. Fluttershy did was she said and came back to the group.

"Truth or dare?"

"D...Dare...I mean truth... no wait! Dare!"

"Ugh... Which one?"

"Dare..."

"Ok... I dare you too... Give Dawn a hug!"

"Eeep!" Fluttershy blurted as we saw her zip behind that couch again.

I immediately put my head into my hoofs and groaned. "Well...I guess we'll just skip you or something..." Gilda muttered sheepishly. "Twilight! Truth or Dare?" Gilda said as she switched players. "Hmm....Truth!" Twilight said confidently. Gilda thought for a moment then spoke up. "Is it True that 1000 years ago, Princess Celestia banished Princess Luna to the moon until recently? I was wondering about that rumor..." Gilda asked. LOL WAT? That's definitely somebody's crazy ass gossip, because that sounds ridiculous! Celie wouldn't... Banish someone to the fucking moon of all places... And Luna? What the fuck would she do to get herself banished? That all just sounds bonkers to me.

"Of course it's true! Everypony around here knows that..." Twilight muttered as she waved it off. HOLY FUCK! That really happened? No fucking way! What the hell did Luna do? Hmm... Apprantly its common knowledge so I can't ask right now or they'll be onto me... I think I'll ask Luna herself next time I see her. Maybe that was the exile she was talking about. She said she was going to tell me about it one day. It would explain why she was speaking with old English, as well as why she seemed out of touch with things. I sat there in deep thought, failing to notice the game was continuing.

"Rarity! Truth or dare!" Twilight called out.

"Dare darling.."

"I dare you to... get you're mane wet!" Twilight said with a mischievous smirk. Rarity gasped and frowned. "Absolutely not!" She barked. Everyone started snickering behind their hoofs. I honestly don't get the big deal, how come that's an outrages Dare, when making out with Soarin was nothing to her? "I spend way too much time keeping my mane absolutely perfect! I can't destroy it by getting it wet!" Rarity said on a rant. Everyone was struggling to hold in a laugh, I really don't understand what's funny here... Oh wait a second, what is Twilight doing? Oh...wow Twilight is one mischievous motherfucker! She's slowly hovering a bucket of water over Rarity's head and she's none the wiser! She learned from the best I suppose... Being Princess Celestia's Protégée and what not. "...And that's final! I will not be participating in this dare! You know I absolutely dread getting my mane wet!" Rarity said as she finished her rant and looked around.

"What's so funny?"

*snicker*

"I don't understand..." She muttered. She looked confused until a drop of water from the bucket landed on her snout. She slowly turned her head to look up and her eyes widened with Fear.

"Oh Celestia help me..." She muttered as she tried her best to cover her face.

*SPLASH*

The bucket wasn't full to the point where Twilight's floor would be soaked but it was plenty to get Rarity's mane wet. At first it stayed in its normal curly position, but it suddenly drooped down comically to cover her face. We all busted out laughing, rolling on the floor like idiots. Rarity lightly shook her head to get some of the water out. Then Soarin suddenly stopped laughing... Along with Mac and Flash. Why did they stop? I looked at Rarity again and...and...Oh My.....

Soarin, Mac, Flash and I, all looked between each other with widened eyes. I'm pretty sure we're all in silent agreement that Rarity is sexy as fuck with her mane wet. Unfortunately for Soarin, his wings decided they needed to be seen by the world, because they immediately extended out and stayed stiff.

"Ugh! My mane looks absolutely dreadful now! Don't you agree boys?"

"..."

"Boys?"
> Act 4 part 3: 7 Minutes in Tartarus
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 4 part 3: 7 minutes in Tartarus
"Uh...how did this happen again?" I Deadpanned as I watched Rainbow, Gilda, Rarity, Flash and Soarin stumble around the room, bumping into things and yelling random curse words and laughing at everything. "Ah'm pretty sure you suggested we open that there red cooler, and y'all got carried away..." Mac responded with a face, equally as deadpan as mine. "What do you mean Y'all? I didn't touch a single goddamn drink from that cooler!" I said truthfully. I'm gonna avoid drinking if I'm around girls, because you all know what happened LAST time.

"Yeah... But you...encouraged em!" Mac muttered. "Nooooo...." I said with a nervous smile. Mac just raised his brow and looked at me.

"Ok... A little..."

"..."

"Ok dammit! I totally did!" I finally admitted, making Mac smile smugly. Basically, this all started with a simple challenge between Soarin and Rainbow. The "who can get shit faced the quickest" type challenge. I don't know why, so don't ask! Then after that happened, Rarity and Applejack got in an argument about "class" as they drank. Basically Rarity complained about how Applejack was going for the hardest shit in the cooler, when it wasn't necessary. Then Applejack joked about how she couldn't handle those kind of drinks anyway, then because of the power alcohol I assume Rarity made it her mission to prove her wrong. You know how that kinda bullshit goes. Gilda got shit faced for pure entertainment as far as I could tell and Flash was... Well... Apprantly he gets drunk at the drop of a hat because the motherfucker only had like two drinks.

Thankfully Applejack was the opposite, in that she was well in control of herself. Twilight didn't drink anything because she didn't want to risk the party completely derailing due to her being the host and all. Fluttershy didn't drink because... Well... She was too scared to even try. I am genuinely curious as to how someone as timid as her would act while drunk. Pinkie drank also but to be honest I didn't notice any change in her behavior whatsoever! I don't know why so don't fucking ask! Maybe she's always drunk as shit? Then there is Mac... And as you can guess with the current trend, he either didn't drink, or he did and is control, I don't know why so don't fucking... Yeah you know.




"Please everypony! Tone it down a little bit!" Twilight pleaded as all the drunks derped around, tripping over shit, singing or cursing loudly and in one case drinking MORE! Holy shit they're like wild animals! Oh...wait a second... They are wild animals! No... That's mean as hell! What am I saying? Dammit I'm an asshole.

"Pfft! Really Twi? I think we're not turned up enough!" Rainbow said with a drunkin giggle and a fist pump. "Yeah! Turn Down for what!?" Gilda yelled.

...

Wat?

I cannot believe my fucking ears... Did they really? No I'm hearing shit...just carry on DJ...

"FOR NOTHING THAT'S WHAT! TURN UP!" Gilda yelled as the two fist pumped.

*Blank stare*

" No...just... No! I didn't hear that just now.." I muttered to myself making Mac chuckle.

I dont have the words.......face break....like why the fuck are they...UGH! I can't believe them right now! How similar are our worlds again? I'm going to flip a fucking shit, if they have that goddamn song HERE too! As I was sitting there seething in anger, Rainbow and Gilda glided over to me. "Come on Dawn! Join in on the fun!" Rainbow said as she floated next to me. "Yeah! There are plenty of drinks for you!" Gilda said with a smirk as she nudged me, making me slightly uncomfortable. I slowly backed away, not realizing Rainbow moved right behind me. She wrapped her hoofs around my neck and laid her head on my sholder. I immediately jumped, making Gilda laugh. "What's the matter? Afraid of girls?" Gilda said as she started rubbing on me. "N...no...I just..." I said, I trailing off. " You just what big guy?" Rainbow purred into my ear as she nuzzled my cheek, making the fur on my neck stand up.

"Yeah... What are you afraid of big guy? We won't bite..." Gilda said playfully with that half lidded gaze, as she rubbed my chest with her finger, twirling it in a small circle. Then they both wrapped their wings around me snuggly. I should be really worried right about now... But no! It's cool! Just chill out... they're just messing around... I'm not afraid of girls anyway and this is honestly kind of comfortable despite the awkwardness. Unfortunately while they wrapped their wings around me, I failed to notice that Gilda's hand was slowly snaking down my chest.

"What are y..you two d..doing?" I muttered as I couldn't hide the redness slowly forming on my face. "Oh nothing... Just looking for the party..." Gilda cooed.

"Huh? What are you talking ab-AHHH!"

"Found it!" Gilda said with a giggle as she tightly gripped my junk.

Something is wrong with that line...hmmm...my junk.... She gripped ...MY... JUNK? Wait a second...

...

OH SHIT! MY FUCKING JUNK!!!

I immediately yelped and jumped away from them blushing furiously, making Rainbow and Gilda giggle loudly. "What the fuck girls!" I said loudly. "Chill out Dawn.. Were just trying to have some fun!" Rainbow said as she flew next to me again. NO! CALM YOUR FUCKING TITS BITCH!

"Nnnnnnooooooope!" I said loudly as I ran across the room. I looked to the others and wondered how the hell they weren't seeing this. Mac and Fluttershy seemed to somehow be having a calm conversation at the glass table, Twilight was busy helping Flash avoid injury by getting him to sit down, to which he responded with "NO! I MUST DANCE!". Twilight snorted in annoyance and trapped the fucker in a sound proof bubble. Soarin and Rarity... Well... They're locking those lips like its about to go out of style, leaving me stuck with these two.

I jumped over a couch and sprinted up the stairs. soon after I heard Rainbow and Gilda behind me. " Come back! We just want to party!" Rainbow called up to me. "You can't have my party!" I shouted back while I rushed down a hall and locked myself in the upstairs bathroom. I then quickly sat leaning against the door so they couldn't force their way in. "Daaaaaawn! Come out!" Rainbow almost pouted. "Daaaaaash! Go away!" I mocked. "Come on big guy...you have to come out eventually...you can't stay in there forever..." Gilda said cripticly. "I will if I have to..." I shot back. Then they knocked on the door a few times. "I'm not opening the fucking d..door..." I said nervously. Then it eventually everything got quiet. I know they're still out there though, so fuck opening this door.

I looked for a way to escape, and sure enough there was one of those small bathroom windows in the corner of the room. Definitely using that because I honestly don't want to stay in this fucking bathroom anyway. So I slowly but surely climbed my way out of the window and onto the roof as quietly as I could. The issue though was avoiding slipping off a tree branch and busting my ass, because this is still technically a tree, there are all kinds of crazy branches, and there is no telling how many of them can even support my weight. So I carefully stepped down a few branches in an attempt to get off the tree. While I was doing that, I happened to pass by a window where I could see the bathroom door with Gilda and Rainbow patiently waiting outside of it. Heh... I sure gave them the Sli-

"What are you doing?!" Someone suddenly said above me.

"Oh shii-" I said as the branch I was on collapsed and I fell. I ended up tumbling onto Twilight's balcony...which there were apprantly Two of. "Goddammit..." I groaned as I rolled over painfully. Who the fuck said that? It definitely wasn't Rainbow or Gilda...

Before I could find out who, I heard my chasers on the other side of the balcony door. "I told you the bathroom had a window!" Rainbow said. "He must of climbed out and fell on the balcony, let's go!" Gilda said as the balcony door swung open. "Oh shit..." I blurted as I slowly scooted on my back away from them. "Where ya going big guy?" Gilda said with a half lidded gaze. "Yeah... We still need to party!" Rainbow said with a drunken smile as they slowly creeped up to me. Suddenly I heard a loud woosh behind me, making Gilda and Rainbow stop cold. I saw Two Dark blue legs with Dark Blue slippers on either side of me. I looked up and Saw none other then Princess Luna standing over me, giving the girls a stern look. Oh thank the fucking gods... Literally!

"Oh... Uh... Sorry we disturbed you... Princess." Rainbow said nervously with a drunken bow. "Sorry...we didn't realize.." Gilda started to say before Rainbow snatched her by her leg and zipped inside with her, slamming the door behind them. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and relaxed. Then I thought about what the girls said... Luna can be pretty scary but technically her standing there like that wasn't really stopping them, so I wonder why they left so quickly? Eh... Doesn't matter... My junk is safe now... I think...

Luna started to giggle as I stood up and faced her. "What were you doing on the roof?" She asked with amusement.

"I was... Trying to...escape..." I muttered as I looked at the branch that broke above me.

"Hmm...I see... You always seem to be running from mares..." Luna said with a smirk. I immediately deadpanned and narrowed my eyes on her.

"What the hell is that supposed mean?" I demanded calmly.

"Oh nothing..." She said with a giggle as she looked up innocently. I narrowed my eyes again.

"So...you're trying to say I'm afraid of mares aren't you..." I muttered blankly. Luna responded with another giggle making me face hoof.

"Well then.. I suppose I should run from you since you're a mare..." I muttered sarcastically as I turned around and walked toward the balcony door. Luna's eyes widened and she immediately ran to my side.

"NO!" She shouted as she stopped me with a hoof, making me freeze in place. Well shit then Luna!  She looked slightly embarrassed and her ears lowered a little bit.

"...I'm sorry...please don't leave yet..." She said sincerely. I then sat down obidiantly, sounds like she really wants my company.

"Sheesh... I was just kidding..." I muttered. Making her more embarrassed.

"Uh.... Anyway... Why do you girls keep claiming I'm afraid of mares anyway?" I asked with a shake of my head.

"Who else has said it?" Luna asked.

"You...your sister...those girls you chased off...mostly your sister.." I muttered blankly, getting a laugh out of Luna.

"And I think Cadance kinda hinted at it..." I added with a shake of my head.

"You get nervous around mares, its quite adorable..." Luna said with a grin.

"W..what?! I don't...get n..nervous... I just... Uh..." I said trailing off as my cheeks felt hot again.

"See? That's exactly what I mean..." She said as she pointed to me and laughed.

"Damn you..." I muttered as I folded my arms, frowned and looked away. While I wasn't looking she leaned in and kissed my cheek making me jump and squirm comicly.

"S..stop!" I stuttered completely flustered as I rubbed my cheek in embarrassment. Luna fell on her back and started laughing her ass off.

"See? You get nervous because of something as trivial as a kiss!" She said with a giggle. I growled angrily and shouted.

"HEY! You and I both know I can handle a kiss!" I said angrily, making her pause for a moment. Then her laughter slowly started up again.

"What's so funny?"

"You were intoxicated... Of course you'd be fearless!" Luna said with a smug grin.

"No...I...uh... shit..." I muttered in frustration making Luna laugh again. My ears slowly drooped as she laughed uncontrollably on her back, and rolled around on the floor. Then a mischievous smile slowly formed on my face as a plan worked it's way into my head...well sorta. I turned into my human form and pounced onto Luna and pinned her to the ground, her eyes were pinpricks as the surprise of my action caught her off guard.

"So... Luna...how ticklish are Alicorns exactly?" I said with an evil grin. Luna made that, "Oh shit!"  as I started tickling her sides with my fingers. I had no fucking clue how I could have done this as a pony... for obvious reasons.

"HAHAHA! I c..command y..you to...cease!" Luna choked out between Laughs.

"Not until you admit I'm not afraid of mares!" I said as I continued.

"B..but you haven't p...proven o...otherwise!" She struggled too say. I then stopped immediately and stared her right in the eye.

"Fine..." I whispered as a look of determination crossed my face. Luna seemed a bit confused as to what I planned to do. Then I leaned forward and kissed her, much to her surprise. It wasn't a passionate kiss nore was it a half assed one. Now it was Luna's turn to be flustered and embarrassed. "W..well...it seems...I was wrong..." She admitted sheepishly.

"Heh... damn right you were wrong... I'm not afraid of you...or your sister!" I stated beaming with confidence. Luna's embarrassed smile slowly started to morph into a lustful half lidded gaze that honestly thrilled me. Then I remembered something... Luna is WAAAAAY stronger then me... So if she really wanted to, she could probably toss me into orbit. So how come she hasn't flipped m-

Before I could even finish my thought I was instantly pinned to the ground as Luna effortlessly turned the tables on me.

"Now... it's MY turn..." Luna said cryptily.

"Uh...What?" I said, fearing her next move.

" Touching Royalty without permission has grave consequences... You've been very naughty .." She cooed. Uh... I'm not sure I like where this is going...

"Tell me Derrick... Are humans ticklish? Because this one must be punished!" Luna's said in a playful tone as she narrowed her eyes on me. My eyes widened in horror, I am ticklish... Super fucking ticklish!

"Oh fuc-HAHAHAHA!" I screamed as she attacked my sides mercilessly. How the fuck is she even doing this with hoofs? Holy fuck I'm going to die!




" S...STOP F..FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" I chocked out.

"No! Did you think that you could have your way with a Princess? Thy will feel Our Royal wrath!" Luna boomed as she continued her relentless assault. Then something odd happened... Our laughter slowly died down and we stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity... those hipnotic cyan eyes... Then she slowly leaned in and kissed me. We sat there for a few seconds, tasting each other before we eventually stopped. Then Luna rolled off of me and we both stared up into the night sky.

"You kiss so much better when not intoxicated..." She said with a giggle. My pupils were microscopic as I slowly turned to her.

Oh my god... I just willingly made out with a pony...

TWICE!

In my human form!

This...this... Ok ... You know what? FINE! Equestria, you fucking win! I can't lie to myself and say I didn't enjoy that kiss... I...guess mares aren't THAT bad...

"Yeah...*gulp* I guess I do..." I said as my eye twitched and I looked back to the sky. Then Luna scooted closer to me and nudged my side.

"So... What's going on in there?" Luna said as she gestured to the house.

"Oh...just a sleepover..." I muttered with a shrug.

"Really? I didn't know Twilight Sparkle was having one! They tend to be quite fun!" Luna said with a smile.

"It was... Until they opened up the red cooler.."

"Hmm...I see... They're all intoxicated aren't they?"

"Yep"

"Is it bad?"

"Come see for yourself..." I muttered as I turned into Dawn and walked toward the door. Luna shook her head and grinned.

"I really shouldn't... I've already been here too long..." Said with some sadness.

"Oh come on! It will only be a second!" I pleaded as I pulled her hoof, and of course I couldn't budge her.

"Alright fine.... But just for a little while..." Luna said  finally moving, causing me to coimicly fall backward.

"*giggle* you're so silly..." She said as she walked towards the door. Fucking Alicorns! Why are they so Damn strong We opened the door and walked into the hallway.

"Trust me... They're going nuts down there..." I said as we slowly crept down the stairs. Then we poked our heads over the edge of the staircase. Twilight and Flash seemed to somehow be having a normal conversation as they cuddled on the couch. Soarin and Rarity seemed to be doing the same thing, as well as Mac and Fluttershy. Rainbow and Applejack on the other hand were still sipping on their drinks. Rainbow looked like her viens were going to explode while Applejack took it like a champ and pretty much looked completely sober. Despite Pinkie being next to her, running her mouth at a thoasuands miles per hour. Gilda was simply sleeping on that cloud that rainbow dragged in, I guess griffons can do that too.

" Well... They WERE going nuts.." I whispered with an innocent smile. Luna just rolled her eyes and continued looking at everyone. "Hey...watch this..." I whispered to her as I cleared my throat.

"Now kiss!" I said loudly. The results were more than I Excepted. Twilight jumped and somehow managed to buck Flash in the face, Soarin jumped so high that he literally hit the ceiling. And Fluttershy pretty much fainted on the spot. Applejack simply looked up, Rainbow spilled her drink and Gilda was still somehow fast asleep Damn... Now I just feel bad for ruining the moment... But I tend to be that guy alot. Luna regarded me with a look of disappointment as I just smiled nervously at her.

"Oh my gosh Flash are you ok?" Twilight shouted as she checked his head. There was a big ass hoof shaped knot on his forehead. "Uh....huh..." He slurred with a silly smile. Then Twilight's Horn sparked to life as she scrambled to heal him. Soarin fell to the ground in confusion and Rarity jumped up in her seat. "Soarin are you ok darling?" She asked. "Yeah...just a little scratch..." He said sheepishly as he rubbed his forehead. "Uh... Fluttershy you alright?" Mac said as he shook the trembling mare. She said nothing and nodded slightly, making Mac sigh in relief. After everyone was confirmed to be more or less  ok, they all slowly turned their heads to the staircase with looks of anger.

"Uhhhh...it was her Idea!" I immediately said pointing to Luna. She responded by giving me a light punch on my forearm... a light punch from her was more than enough to silence my bullshit. I had to bite down on my tounge exceptionally hard to avoid screaming terrible things. Then Twilight's eyes suddenly brightned up when she realized who was next to me.

"Princess Luna???!" Twilight said as she pointed to the staircase. Then Flash and Soarin immediately staggered upward, snapping to attention and saluted. "Greetings Princess Luna!" They said symeltanously as them and everyone else in the room bowed respectfully."Greetings everypony, I hope you're all having a wonderful evening!" Luna said with a warm smile, as we came down the staircase. Huh... Its kinda funny... I never have greet the Princesses like that... Heh...I feel special. Twilight ran up and Nuzzled her "I was wondering what Derrick was doing upstairs..." Twilight said with a knowing grin making Luna laugh. "Hey what the hell is that supposed to mean?" I said with irritation. Twilight laughed again instead of answering and Luna nudged me in the forearm which still felt like death by the way.

"Are you hungry? Thirsty?" Twilight asked as she gestured to the food and Drinks. "No that's alright... I'll eat when I get home..." Luna said with a kind smile. "Uh... Why not just eat here? Applejack and Pinkie are some of the best cooks ever!" I said making Pinkie beam proudly, and Applejack blush. "I appreciate the offer but I couldn't..." Luna said with a wave of her hoof, looking slightly annoyed. "Seriously why not?" I question genuinely curious. "I'm on a diet..." She deadpanned.

Déjà vu

I immediately busted out laughing, Luna? On a diet? Really? I calmed down slightly when I realized that nobody else in the room was laughing with me, not even the guys. It looked like they were... Cringing... What happened? When I looked back to Princess Luna, I then realized the gravity of the situation. She did NOT look happy! Then I remembered how Celestia was joking about her diet, maybe Luna's joking too?

"Uh...your kidding right?" I said carefully. All I heard from the room was a muffeld cough. I think I've made a tactical error. Then I started laughing nervously because I didn't know what else to do.

"Do you find this subject amusing?" Luna said coldy.

"Uh... No?"

"I will seriously hurt thee if thy jokes about our figure again..." She said menacingly, making my ears droop. Shit... I'm really waiting for her to smile and be like " I'm just kidding! " and we kiss and make up...uh not literally... Kinda too late for that. Well maybe if I tell her what I told Celestia, the same words apply to Luna anyways.

"Luna your figure i-" I started

"Hold thy tounge! I've heard quite enough... Good night everypony!" She shouted angrily as she suddenly turned into a blue mist and slipped under the front door. Hm...I'll get to the "how the fuck?" Part later but Holy shit! I made a huge mistake, thinking that Celestia and Luna would react to that situation the same way. They are two very different mares deep down... Now I feel like a dick!

"You're a dick" Soarin muttered with a shake of his head.

"Shut up! You're not helping!" I snapped.

"You're just mad that you screwed up with Luna! One of the sexeist mares in Equestria!"

"Soarin!" Rarity shouted angrily.

"What...just saying..." He said with a silly smile. Rarity grumbled next to him.

"You're sexy too Rarity..."

"*giggle*oh you're too kind Soarin!" She suddenly said grinning from ear to ear. I face hoofed and waved him off, He ain't lying about Luna though... She has a perfect figure just like her sister, except she's noticeably thicker than Celie, especially around the back. It makes her plot jiggle a little more than Celie's...oh lord... Stay on topic DJ! I hope Luna doesn't hold a grudge and fuck up my dreams again...

Twilight and I returned back to the center area with the others. I was a bit hungry so I used my magic too quickly make myself a small plate and I grabbed another drink from the blue cooler. I chomped on a a delicious brownie and sighed.

"So... What now guys?" I asked as I picked up another Brownie. Before Twilight could answer I heard a hiss as that blue cloud came from under the door again. The cloud condensed and Luna suddenly appeared out of nowhere. She had a neutral expression as she calmly walked straight over to me. Oh shit! She's about to fuck me up! I braced myself and covered my face, but instead of hitting me I felt her magic snatch my plate of food right out of my hoofs.

"Huh?" I uttered as she casually took a bite out of MY brownie.

"B...but...you're on a diet!" I blurted in outrage.

"Yes I am... But it dosent mean I can't enjoy good food from time to time..." She muttered as she took another bite. Then she casually began walking away toward the door with my plate.

"What the fuck Luna??!! Hey come back here!" I said as I jumped out of my chair and ran toward her. I tried to snatch the plate from her but she moved it away from me and smiled mischievously. Then she leaned in and kissed my cheek, making me pause and turn red.

I thank you for the food, my Dearest Prince...." She said with a wink as she causally left out of the door. All I could do was sit there completely flustered and confused.

...

...

...

"This Bitch just took my food!!" I muttered In disbelief, making the guys bust out laughing. Why are Alicorns always taking my damn food from me??? I grumpily walked over to my seat, sat down and snorted angrily.

"You look nervous bro..." Soarin said with a smirk. I averted my eyes and said nothing as I sat there with my cheeks on fire.

"Aww... You too are cute together..." Twilight said with a giggle.

"That was awful nice of you to let her have them last Brownies, DEAREST PRINCE!" Mac teased.

"W..what? those were the last ones?" I suddenly shouted as I despritly searched the table for more. She DID take the last brownies! Goddammit Luna! You're gonna pay for this!

"Hey don't frown! I can make more!" Pinkie said with a sympathetic smile.

"But...but...you don't understand! I was so ready to eat them, and she just snatches the damn things out of my hooves!" I said angrily with a sad sniff.

"Hey... It's all part of being her DEAREST PRINCE! I'd say it's completely worth it!" Soarin said with a shrug. I just moaned in annoyance and facehoofed again. Why the hell did she call me Dearest Princes for anyways? Is that like a pet name or something?

"Lets just get on with the next game before I strangel Soarin to death..." I muttered, I shooting him an angry look that he ignored. Twilight nodded and her horn lit up. I wonder what we're playing next? Hopefully its nothing too awkward, because I've had enough awkwardness for the day, I mean... It was at an all time high when I kissed Luna earlier.

Suddenly in a flash of purple light a small glass bottle appeared in front of Twilight.

"Oh for fuck's sake, We're playing THAT???" I quipped.

"Just hold on a second..." Twilight said as she began to finish the spell. Suddenly a large rectangular wooden box appears. It had one door and it looked like 2 people could squeeze into it like a clos- Goddammit I know what we're playing now.

"Time for 7 minutes in Heaven!" Twilight said with a grin. Everyone looked happy except Mac and I of course. We both know what's most likely to happen in that closet. "Everypony get in a circle! Girls on one side guys on the other, spread out a little!" Twilight asked. We all complied, moving to the area with the closet and forming a circle. Instead of waking Gilda up Rainbow just pushed the cloud she was sleeping on to a spot in the circle.

"Now to be fair, everypony needs to go at least once, which means that you stallions will be going twice!" Twilight warned. Greeeeat... Double the fun...

"Alright! Bring on the bottle!" Soarin said as he did a few tight aerial loops, blowing my hair into my face "Calm your drunk ass down!" I barked. He stopped and stuck his tounge out at me like a fucking child, so I gave him a light thump on the back of the head. "Hey!" He growled at me as he rubbed the back of his head. After muttering something quietly to himself he finally sat down.

"How come you magicked up a closet, when there's one right there?" I asked Twilight as I gestured to the closet across the room. "Well first of all this closet is bigger, second of all that one is kinda... stuffed with books and third... I just wanted to see if it worked!" Twilight admitted with a shrug. "Huh...makes sense..." I muttered with a nod. "Plus... this one is sound proof!" Twilight added as she gave it a firm knock. "That oughta save us some embarrassment.." Mac said with a relieved sigh. "Aww... That's no fun.." Rainbow pouted. Pinkie's ears perked up when she heard a certain word.

"Fun? Where?" She shouted. "In the closet!" I said sarcastically. Pinkie gave me a wide smile then proceeded to rush into the closet as fast as she could, the wind from her movement shut the door tightly behind her.

"Seriously?" I said with surprise, I didn't think she'd rush in there like her life fucking depended on it! "Well... that's Pinkie for you.." Rarity said with a crooked mouth causing everyone to laugh. The closet started to bump around a few times, then Pinkie suddenly exploded out of it, almost ripping the closet door off it's hinges. "There's... no... fun... in there!" She said with a frown which honestly looked adorable... Until it was focused on me.

"Meanie! You said there was fun in there!" She said as she pointed at me accusingly. "Uh... I thought there was... Sorry..." I said with a fake smile. Then Pinkie lit up again and smiled. "Oh I forgive you Dawn!" She said, as if nothing happened. Ok sweet, crisis averted...

"Alright y'all, let's get this thing started!" Applejack said, her patiance running out. "Yes I'm quite ready to began as well darling..." Rarity said. She used her magic to place the bottle in the center. "Alright... Who wants to spin it?" Twilight asked as she surveyed the guys..

"Me first! I'm feeling Lucky!" Soarin shouted as he pushed us aside and gave the bottle a spin. Well here we go I guess... The bullshit begins!

It slowed down and all the girls held thier breath, I just kicked back since it wasn't my turn yet. The bottle then came to a stop on Pinkie.

"Hmph! That closet is no fun! What are we doing in there again?" Pinkie asked. Everyone kinda looked at each other in confusion. I'm pretty sure we all know that you're kinda supposed to make out in there, except Pinkie. But technically you can just talk or even do nothing for 7 minutes too. "You can do...whatever you like Darling!" Rarity said with clear uncertainty. Pinkie's eyes lit up like two blue suns.

"Whatever I like? I..I can party?"

"Um... Yes you can. Though I doubt that there's room in there for that..."

"That's Ok! I can have a 'there's not enough room in here' party!"

"Well...ok then dear... Have fun!"

"Oh I will!" Pinkie said with a giggle as she snatched Soarin out of the sky, ran inside the closet and slammed it shut. Heh... I feel really sorry for Soarin right now. I can barely stand being in close proximity with Pinkie for 7 seconds, I would go nuts after a whole 7 minutes! So far I don't hear anything whatsoever... Damn I guess that thing Really is sound proofed. The girls began mumbling too themselves about "insert boring topic" so I kicked back again and closed my eyes.

...

"W...where did all this even come from????"

"Where did what come from?"

"All these balloons... Streamers... Confetti...i...is that...are those party hats?"

"Of course they are silly! You can't have a party without them! Now help me cut the cake!"

"Cut the...WHAT??"

"The cake silly!"

"The cake... Where the fuck did you even...*sigh* I'll just play along..."

"Yay!"

...

So the time on that sand clock of Twilight's finally ran out and she opened the door with her magic. Soarin was sitting there covered In confetti and he was wearing this goofey looking party hat. He had the most dead look I've seen all day, and of course Pinkie is right next to him blabbing off at light speed about her favorite kind of candy.

"Pffft hahaha!"

We all errupted in laughter and he slowly floated out of the closet like a zombie. "Oh it's been 7 minutes? Awww... Parties over..." Pinkie suddenly said as she snapped out of her long candy tangent. Soarin plopped down next to me and I poked him.

"Hey dude..."

"What?" He said dryly.

"D...did you have fun?"

"Fuck you Dawn."

"Bwahahaha!"

We all settled down and Twilight finished clearing up the "party". Then she looked over to the guys. "Who's next?" She asked. Us guys looked at each other nervously. "Alright... Who do you think should go nex-" I started.

"Dawn!" All the guys and some of the girls muttered symeltanously.

"Screw all of you..." I muttered as I deadpanned and walked up to the bottle. I took a deep breath and spun it. Ok... Please don't be anyone who wants the me inside th-

*bottle stops on Applejack*

I hate my life...

"Well sugarcube... Looks like its our turn!" Applejack said with a wink. I just rolled my eyes and stepped up the the closet, ignoring the obnoxious laughter and giggling from the group. We stepped inside and Twilight closed the door, bathing Applejack and I in darkness.

"Heh...its pretty dark in here, I'm going to brighten things up a little.." I said as I charged up my magic, creating a low golden light. The closet was big enough for me to sit comfortably but it was still cramped to the point were Applejack was less then a foot away from touching me. Speaking of Applejack... She doesn't look to happy right now... Infact... She looks... Angry?

"What? What's with the look?" I asked. Applejack said nothing and narrowed her eyes as that suspicious look returned. Uh oh...

"Alright what are you hiding?" She demanded as she leaned closer and gave me a stern look, I smiled nervously and tried to play innocent.

"Huh?"

"Ah said what are you hidin?"

"Uh...I'm not hiding anything..."

"Yes you are... Ah can tell!"

"Even if I WAS lying... which I'm not. How can you tell anyways?"

"They don't call me the element of Honesty for nothing! I can tell when ponies are lying and earlier you were lying so much that I thought your muzzle was gonna start getting longer!". Huh... Well... Didn't except that... I guess they have pinnocio here. I'm not sure how to proceed right now... Should I just tell her? Let me see what she thinks I'm lying about first...

"You've been awfully suspicious lately... You're not the only one neither! Twilight, Rainbow and those other fellers didn't even look surprised when you did that fancy spell!"

"Uh...maybe it didn't impress them?"

"Ah'm pretty sure Twilight would be plenty impressed. As much as she studies magic and reads them books, ah have never seen her cast a spell like that! Twilight is the best pony at magic ah know and you turn into a dern Pegasus and she doesn't even flinch? Manure!" Applejack mumbled.

"Oh that spells not that big of a deal... it's just an illusion..."

"Hmm...ah don't believe it! Something tells me that theres something more to this whole thing then that! Can you fly with it?"

"Uhhhhh...no."

"...there goes your muzzle again! You were lying about that cute feller too!"

" What cute feller?"

"DJ! The one who 'stayed in Canterlot'...which he didn't..."

"But...he did stay in-"

"*sigh* there you go again!"

"Grrr... Fine... Your right! He didn't stay in Canterlot!"

"Ah know I'm right! So where is he really stayin?"

"Uh...I don't know..."

"Another fib..."

"Oh my... Ok just...forget it... I'm not saying anything else..."

"Oh really now?"

"Eyyup!"

"Ok then... I tried being nice..." She said cryptically, as she cracked her neck. Oh shit she's about to beat my fucking ass.

"Ah am gonna get Rarity and Pinkie involved if you dont tell me right now..." She said with a mischievous smile. Hm... Do I really want all 3 of them on me? Pestering me about my secret day in and day out?

...

Hell no, I'd rather rub shit on my eyeballs.

"Alright alright I'm sorry... Look... I promise I'll tell you who I really am later..." I said with a heavy sigh.

"I thought so! I knew you was.... Huh? Who you really are? You're not really Dawn?"

"Yeah... I'm not. Its a really long story... I need you to keep this a secret, people... I mean ponies can't know about what I can do... It could put me in danger..."

"What you can really do? Who you really are? Just what kind of secret is it?" She said looking completely lost.

"Later! I think our time is-"

*door opens*

"-up!"

The others looked at us, trying to read our expressions and figure out what Applejack and I did in there. Soarin had this stupid look that made me want to deck him in his face. "We didn't do anything you fucking turd.." I snapped at him. He stuck his tounge out at me again, so I gave him a light push making his drunk ass tumble over. "You're a d...dick.." He said with annoyance as it took him a few tries to get on his 4 hoofs again. "Its not my fault you decided to drink so much, that your damn kidneys are contemplating suicide!"

"Hey... I didn't drink...*hiccup* That much..."

"Lie again..."

"My kidneys are fine..."

"Oh? How many hoofs am I holding up then?" I asked as I held up one hoof.

"Uh...6?"

"..."

"Sit the fuck down you drunk ass motherfucker..." I muttered as I face hoofed.

"No seriously! You have 8...nonono...5 hoofs!"

"I'm so done right now... Twilight? Do you plan to get the game rolling?" I said as I shook my head and turned to her.

"Oh right... Big Mac and Flash, which one of you is going next?" Twilight asked. Flash and Mac looked at each other. "Uh...I can barely even see straight right now..." Flash muttered. Big Mac sighed and stepped up. He spun the bottle and sat back with his stoic expression. It spun for a few seconds before slowly landing on Fluttershy. Everyone started going "ooooo!" And the two nervously made there way into the closet. I think the best part was the fact that Mac was so big that they couldn't sit in there without touching each other. Twilight closed the door and started the timer.

"They're totally going to make out..." Rainbow dash muttered.

"I don't think that would be possible without Fluttershy fainting." Twilight said.

"Hm...I didn't think it was possible for her to cuddle with Mac without freaking out, so we'll just have to see..." I said with a shrug as I kicked back again.

...

"So..."

"Um...we can cuddle again... If that's... Ok with you..."

"Uh...that would be nice..."

...




7 minutes later the closet opens with Mac sitting there cheesing his fuckin ASS off and Fluttershy looking like the fur on her face was straight up red. Applejack smiled smugly and leaned forward. "What did y'all do In there brother?"she inquired. Mac smiled timidly and avoided all eye contact as he returned to his spot.

" Uh... Nothin... "

"Really?"

"Eyyup.."

"Alright... Ah will take your word for it..." Applejack said as she smiled kindly. Bitch you know that motherfucker did some sneaky shit in there!

Twilight once again reset everything and it was now Flash's turn. Without a word he spun the bottle. Everyone watched silently as the bottle slowly stopped on Twilight. Huh... That worked out perfectly... Have fun Flash! Being the swell guy I am, I decided to give him a friendly push in the right direction... Which means I shoved him so hard that he bumped into Twilight... Oops?

"Heh...sorry... I'm a bit clumsy right now..." Flash muttered as he rubbed the back of his head.

"Oh...its ok..." Twilight said with a blush. Then the two stepped in to the closet. This time I closed the door and started the clock. I give it 2 minutes tops before those two do something.

...

" Ahem! Heh...hey Twilight..."

"Hey Flash..."

"So.....you look nice..."

"Aww... thank you..."

"Are we going to, or not?"

"G..going to what?"

"Kiss!"

"K..kiss?"

"Yes kiss! That's the point Of this game anyway right?"

"Um...I guess..."

"Then pucker up!"

"W...what? Right now?"

"Yes right now! We only have 7 minutes..."

"I don't know if I'm ready Flash..."

"You know what? Just come h-"

...

About 6 minutes in I heard a really loud thumb come from the closet. Everyone stopped their gossip to stare at the closet in shock. What the hell? Did something explode in there? The sand timer was pretty much done so I went ahead and grabbed the closet door and wrenched it open. Flash's limp body rolled out of the closet with a massive bump on his head, then Twilight shakingly stepped out of the closet with a horrified look on her face. Everyone stared at her frozen in shock and fear. Alright... Why do I feel like Flash tried to cop a feel then, got knocked the fuck out? How do you even grab an ass with hoofs anyway?

"You know what? I'm not even gonna ask... NEXT?" I said quickly, just trying to end my turn as I walked over to the bottle. I tried to spin it, but I messed up and straight up stepped on it, crushing it completly. "Uh...oops?" I quipped as everyone gasped. "I think you spun it too hard..." Rainbow muttered. Then I smiled devilishly.

"Aww man... The bottle is completely shattered! I guess we can't play anymore..." I said as I started to edge away from the group. Twilight, who'd been standing over Flash nursing his wound, Without a word zapped the pieces of the shattered bottle, slowly repairing it back to its previous unbroken state. Dammit Twilight!!! I'm sick of your shit!

"Looks like its your turn partner!" Mac said with a chuckle as he gave my back a hard slap.

"Shut up jackass.... You'll be next..." I muttered under my breath as I returned to the bottle. I gave it a firm spin, Halfway hoping I broke it again. It spun for a couple seconds then slowly stopped on Gilda. Ooooooh fuck..... This isn't good...

"Heh... Well she's asleep so I guess I'll just have to respi-"

"Ah ah ah...no... Give me a second..." Rainbow said as she flew up to Gilda's cloud and shook her awake.

"*Yawn* what Dash?" Gilda said sternly as she stretched.

"We're playing 7 minutes in heaven and its your turn..."

"Really? *Yawn* who did I get?"

"Dawn"

"Dawn?"

"Yep"

"Ok whatever..." Gilda said with a shrug as she hopped off the cloud and stuffed herself in the closet. Mac gave me a smug grin and pushed me. "Go on partner..." He said with another push. I took a deep breath and once again stepped into the darkness, Twilight quickly shut the door behind me. Gilda's golden eyes glowed in the dark the way a cats eyes do, I always found that kinda creepy to be honest. I was somewhat excepting her to immediately pounce on me and demand the "D" but when I lit my horn up she kinda just looked... annoyed?

"Ugh... I can't believe we have to sit in here for like... 7 minutes..." She groaned with a frown. Huh? Sounds like she wants to be anywhere else but here.

"Yeah... Kinda sucks.." I muttered.

"And those clowns except US to kiss? Ha! gimme a break..." She said with a roll of her eyes. What? She totally wanted me... And now... Heh can't complain too much, but I am curious.

"Uh...so...about earlier..." I said as my cheeks turned red, the memory still fresh in my mind.

"What are you talking about.... Oh that thing..." She said as she looked away blushing furiously.

"Yeah... THAT thing..."

"Ok...look... I'm sorry I...grabbed your...'stuff'..."

"Yeah...quite tightly..."

"I was Drunk and horny! And you.....uh...peeked my interest..."

"Hmph... I could tell..."

"I wasn't thinking clearly! In fact...im still kinda hammered right now..." She said as she looked down in embarrassment. Then she sighed sadly and continued.

"I...I didn't know you had a girlfriend already either..." She said with regret in her voice. I couldn't help but laugh right there.

"The fuck? I don't have a girlfriend..." I said with a chuckle. Gilda's forlorn expression faded out of the realm of existence.

"R...really?"

"Yeah... We're just friends... Who get a little too close sometimes..." I said with uncertainty. I don't know if I can honestly call Luna "just a friend" after that kiss... Hell I don't even know if I could call Celie that either, we may not have kissed yet but I can't deny the romantic tension between us, its pretty high... Wow... I also can't deny the fact that I said YET to kissing Celie.

"Oh...ok then..." Gilda said as she blushed again.

"Yeah... I don't think I would-" I started before being interrupted by a loud thud followed by the closet falling over, knocking Gilda on top of me.

"What the shit?" I blurted out as Gilda and I bumped heads.

"Sheesh! They Must really want us to make out, if they're resorting to knocking the fucking closet over!" Gilda said as she rubbed her head.

"I'm going to kill whoever did it..." I muttered with annoyance. Gilda nodded In agreement. She looked me in the eye for a few seconds and suddenly her whole mood changed. She got that half lidded lustful stare again, I felt her press against me and she moved her face closer. Oh no.....nononono! Not again! I really wish I knew how to make those damn barriers right now!

"Uh...what are you doing?" I asked nervously as Gilda got Closer.

"Oh...I was just thinking..."

"Thinking what exactly?"

"We could... You know... Do what they want.." She purred.

"Uhhhhhhhhhh....no?" I said as I tried to scoot away but, there was nowhere to scoot too. Gilda Leaned in and whispered something in my ear.

"I want you... inside me... right now..."

"WOAH WOAH WOAH! CALM DOWN BIT-" I shouted before being interrupted by Gilda's Tounge slipping into my mouth and Down my throat.

"..."

Ha ha....NOPE IM OUT BITCH!

I suddenly shot a laser at the side of the closet, blowing it completely apart. Then I used all the strength I could muster to wrench my way out of the hole where I immediately stood up and distanced myself from the box. Now that my mouth wasn't being violated, I looked up to see everyone laughing their asses off.

"WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS PUSHED THE FUCKING CLOSET OVER???!!? I yelled at the top of my lungs. Everyone immediately Pointed to Soarin. Now my rage was fully directed Toward him.

"SOARIN? I'M ABOUT TO BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I Barked as I charged at him.

"Uh oh!" He blurted as he started flying around the house. I ran after him shouting every threat I could think of.

"COME BACK HERE YOU FUCKING CUNT MUFFIAN! IM GONNA RIP YOUR FUCKING WINGS OF AND FORCE YOU TO EAT THEM!" I yelled.

"Dawn old budy old pal, let's not get too worked up!" He pleaded as he bobbed and weaved past furniture.

"STOP RUNNING YOU...FUCK!"

Soarin wasn't looking at where he was going, causing him to crash head first into a wall and collapse in a stunned heap. I pounced on him and started strangling the bastard. "I'll teach you to do stupid shit like that!" I said sternly. " ACK! Alright.... I....won't GAK!....push...closet!" He said in between gasps. A moment later my body was surrounded in purple magic.

"Ok that's enough you two!" Twilight said trying to hide her amusment as much as possible. Soarin stood up and panted. "Sheesh Dawn... What even happened in there?" Soarin muttered. I looked Toward the Closet where I saw Gilda climbing out. She immediately blushed and looked away when we made eye contact. I looked down and took a deep breath, closing my eyes and shaking my head. "Nothing..." I said simply. Soarin looked like he was about to inquire further but instead he just shrugged and walked back to the group.

Twilight examaimed the damaged closet with a frown. "Sorry... It was critical to my health that I escaped from there immediately..." I muttered uncaringly as Soarin and I sat down in our spots again. Twilight snorted and shook her head. She lifted the closet back up and restored it to its former awkward glory, and from there we continued the game. since I took my two turns I kinda drifted off in thought, I didn't really miss much, because the last two pairs had pretty predictable outcomes. Rainbow Dash put Mac to sleep by talking about how awesome she was, and Soarin and Rarity were busy making a sequel of "Ultimate Epic Shameless Sloppy Make out scene". I kinda just fell silent during it all, I was a bit concerned about today's events.

I've locked lips with the Princess of the night and I've had a Griffon aggressively flirt with me...twice... And I enjoyed every fucking second of it... Well... Up until Gilda's Tounge almost choked me. Why? Did my preferences change? Am I suddenly ok with kissing animals? Well... that's just an insult... I need to stop thinking of them like that... They are Intelligent emotional beings just like I am. I guess it really doesn't matter what they look like does it? Heh man... I guess I'm just going to... Accept it for as long as I'm here, because I feel like if this trend continues, I'll have an Equestrian girlfriend by the end of the month anyway. Heh...that's quite a bold statement for me to make... But it seems that there's something that turns on girls when they get in close proximity of me. I'll never fucking know why...

At that point the party started to die Down, everyone slowly began to drift off too sleep, some right on the floor, others on some of the furniture. There were some special cases like Rainbow sleeping on a cloud and Pinkie sleeping...on the ceiling...yeah... Moving on...

I tried to sleep... I really did.. But I guess the sandman doesn't want to grace me withrest yet... Fucking asshole. So I went to what was quickly becoming my regular nightime hang out area... The balcony. I went up there and just stared up at the night sky. Luna does a damn good job on this I can tell you that. Celestia does a good job during the day too I guess.... Its hard to appreciate the beauty of something that will make you go blind in seconds. Celestia does other stuff though... She somehow runs this peaceful country and Luna... Wait... What does she do besides raise the moon and the stars?

Seriously... I know all the political BS doesn't happen at night because everyone is asleep... So what does she do? She obviously has more free time than Celestia because she swings around here almost every night. Maybe she like... Guards people's dreams or something... Eh... I'll just ask her next time I see her... After revenge for tickling me to tears and taking my damn Brownies... And before I ask her about her banishment.

Damn... I'm not tired at all... What am I going to do? I changed into my Pegasus form and thought about going on another joy flight. Just then someone spoke behind me, making me jump. Oh... its HER...

"Can't sleep?" Gilda said as she walked up to me. I took a quick glance before looking at the sky again.

"Nope.." I said plainly.

"Me neither..."

"Probably because you slept through half Of the damn party..." I said with a smirk as she came next to me.

"Hey it wasn't that long!" Gilda snapped.

"Heh... Maybe... But taking that nap fucked you up regardless.Your awake now."

"I guess..." She muttered as she fell silent. We both stared at the silent town, the bright green grass glistening perfectly in the moonlight.

"Look...I'm sor-"

"Don't bother... I already forgive you... You couldn't really help yourself anyway.." I interrupted quickly. My sudden response startled Gilda.

" Besides... Shit happens..." I added with a chuckle.

"Oh ok then..." Gilda said in surprise. She said nothing again for a few more seconds then she sighed and smiled at me.

"So...what's bothering you right now?"

"Uh... Not much...just a bunch of stupid things and problems..."

"So basically shit?"

"Yeah... Pretty much. Although I'd say Bullshit describs it better."

"Heh...well when 'bullshit' bothers me, I like to just fly around for a bit. You know... To clear my head..." she said with a smile. I just nodded and scratched the back of my neck.

"So... Does that fancy spell of yours let you fly? Or are they fake?" Gilda asked curiously as she poked my wings. I considered lying about it but at this point my farm crop of fucks to give has completely dried up and died.

"Yeah sure..." I said with a shrug.

"Ok then... Try and keep up!" Gilda said as she zoomed off into the sky. Really? Were supposed to be sleeping... You know what fuck it! Maybe some vigorous flying will make me tired enough to sleep. So I stretched my wings and took off after her. This has been a weird night... I kinda... Lost a bit of my humanity by accepting Equestrian girls but I can't keep lying too myself also they're kinda attrac... Uh... Forget it... I have to catch Gilda. Heh... At least she's not trying to fuck me again.
> Act 5 part 1: Emotional Barriers
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 5 part 1: Emotional Barriers

Gilda and I flew above Ponyville for a good few minutes, bobbing and weaving between clouds. Of course I never did actually catch her. I may have these "Sexy athlete wings" but I'm nowhere near mastering using them yet. We eventually settled down on a random cloud and talked for a while. It was just small talk for the most part, nothing too deep. Then we were eventually just tired enough to warrant another attempt at sleep, so we returned to Twilight's and tried again and sure enough we dozed off. Gilda's not that bad once you get to know her, she's a lot like me in the fact that she's doesn't tolerate bullshit from people. Although... I still feel nervous around her... Mainly because of what she tried to do too me... Twice. But thankfully that didn't happen again. Alright enough about yesterday... I need to finish up this shower.

I finished and started to dry off with my towl. It was about 9:00 in the morning and my plans for the day were pretty much just shield training. Apprantly I somehow forgot the rescheduled nightmare night thing was tonight too but honestly I just want to chill for a while, I've been partying, celebrating and fighting too much recently.

I came downstairs to a somewhat empty room. Everyone except for Flash, Soarin, Rainbow and Twilight left about an hour ago. We all planned to fly up to Canterlot together since all of us were going there anyway.

"I hope Gilda doesn't clean out my fridge while I'm gone..." Rainbow said with a gulp.

"I would be more worried about your fridge being intact!" Soarin joked.

"Nah... That's what happens when YOU visit Soarin..." I quipped.

"Shut up..." Soarin said as Twilight kindly opened the door, allowing the 4 of us to step outside.

"I'll see you tonight Twi!" Flash said with a wave.

"Ok Flash! I look forward to it!" Twilight said as she waved to us and closed the door. Then we all spread out our wings.

"Welp... This will probably take forever..." I muttered.

"Nah we'll be there in no time!" Soarin said confidently.

"You mean... YOU'LL be there in not time. I'm not a racing Pegasus!" Flash said with a snort.

"Hey... I'm not one either... I'm just a Royal Guard like you, I'm not exactly the sprinter of the Wonderbolts you know, Cloud Chaser is." Soarin stated.

"Well... Maybe if we all had more incentive... Like a race..." Rainbow said. a smile slowly crept onto her face. Then as if it was contagious the smile spread to Soarin. Then they looked at Flash, who immediately started shaking his head.

"Nope! No way! Uh Uh! I'm not racing you guys!" Flash stated firmly. Then the adrenaline junkies looked at me.

"What?" I'm not a racer, I've only had wings for a few days!" I said with a frown. I really don't feel Like getting dusted by these two right now.

"Oh come on DJ! Let's see what you've got!" Rainbow begged.

"Yeah! Just do it!" Soarin said with a nudge. I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"Fine... But don't be surprised when I lose..." I muttered. Soarin and Rainbow were elated, they turned to Flash again but he shook his head in protest.

"Come on dude! You'll be left behind if you don't race!" Soarin said.

"Ugh...fine..." Flash said with a frown.

"Yes! Ok get ready!" Rainbow Said as everyone hunched down and put their wings in take off position. Soarin began the countdown.

"3...2...1.. GO!"

Then the four of us took off with so much force, that the ground shook. We left 4 trails in our wake, one black, one Rainbow colored, and two different shades of blue. For the first while we were all pretty much right next too each other, until we cleared Ponyville. Flash started to fall behind us, while Rainbow started to pull ahead. Soarin and I were neck and neck. He turned and gave me this competitive scowl, which I gladly returned. It stayed that way for a majority of the race. Once we got to the final stretch Rainbow and Flash were pretty much out of sight.

We came up to the castle gate where Rainbow was waiting impatiently. Soarin and I immediately hit the brakes and we landed at the same time.

"About time you decided to finish..." Rainbow said with a smirk. Soarin rolled his eyes and looked over to me.

"Not bad...for a human..." He said with a nod of respect.

"Yeah whatever man... Thanks I guess..." I muttered with an uncaring shrug. I pretty much figured that I would at least beat Flash, who'd just now arrived almost a minute later.

"You'll be left behind if you don't race! Pfft... I'm never racing you guys again!" Flash said with a frown making us all chuckle. "Don't feel bad...you'll never get better if you have that attitude!" Soarin said with a pat on Flash's back. He snorted and shook his head.

After that we passed through the castle's main gate. Everyone in the castle knows about me already so, the gate closing behind us was my cue to turn into my human form. Man... Its good to be human again!

"Gosh... I don't think I'll ever get used to that..." Rainbow muttered as she stared at me in awe. I chuckled lightly and we contiued, passing through the castle doors.

"Alright you ponies... And human.. I'll see you later or something... I've gotta go to the barracks. " Soarin said as he started walking away. "Hey I'm coming too!" Flash said as he walked in the same direction. Dash and I waved back to them but Soarin suddenly turned around again like he forgot something.

"Hey Dash!"

"Yes?"

"Want a tour of the Pegasus Barracks?"

"Really? I can?"

"Come on!"

Rainbow smiled so wide that her smile made that... Oh...not that sound again...

*sqwee*

Sometimes... I really hate this place... Rainbow zipped over to Soarin immediately and turned back too me. "I'll catch up to you later DJ!" She said quickly before they all ran off, leaving me standing there by myself. There were a few passing ponies, some were Guards, others looked like random servents, others looked somewhat important, probably the nobles and what not. I sighed and shook my head, how the hell am I going to find Shining?

While I was sitting there trying to figure out where to go, one of the guards came up to me.

"Uh.. Derrick?"

"Yeah?"

"Please come with me... The captain is expecting you.." The nervous mare said. She seemed kinda familier... I don't know that many guards so...

"Blaze... Is that you?"

"Y..yes"

"Sup?"

"Wow... I can't believe you actually remembered me..."

"How could I forgot? You have a striking color scheme..."

"Really? You think so?"

"Yeah... Anyway... Just lead the way..."

"O..ok.."

Blaze lead me silently through a couple hallways... A staircase or two... And through a door...then...down another staircase... Fuck this castle's layout! After going through a door we arrived in this wide open room. There were some chairs on the side of the room and in the center was a large circular platform. It was slightly raised, and took up most of the space in the room. On the side I could see Shining, Cadance and another pony I dont know, happily chatting away. Well... Except for the unknown pony, she just listened.

"What's up Captain?" I said as I walked up to them.

"Ah there he is! Just the human we were looking for!" Shining said as he stood up to greet me.

"Right... Because there's so many other humans around here..." I quipped.

"I see your still cheeky as usual...." Cadance cut in with a smirk.

"I see your still pink as usual... Some things just don't change" I muttered. Cadance smiled and shook her head. Then I walked over to the unknown pony. She was a white pony with a black mane that she had in a neat ponytail. She also had on a pair of black framed glasses that highlighted her striking red eyes. She looked like the calm and collected type but you can't judge a book by its cover.

"So...who is this?" I ask. Cadance took a quick glance at the pony then turns back to me. "Oh this is Doctor Bright. She will be assisting us by observing something in a minute." Cadance explained. "Ok then... Nice to meet you Doc.." I said with a kind smile. She said nothing and simply nodded, regarding me with a neutral expression. Well ok then... Silent type it is. Shining started walking over to the center platform. "Come on DJ, let's get started..." He said, waving me over. I nodded and left my bag next to Cadance and the Doc, then I stepped onto the platform.

"Alright before we get into the main lesson, let's start off by warming up. Just stretch a little bit first." Shining said. I shrugged and stretched out my arms, then I started by squatting once or twice. Then I got down and started doing a few push ups to get my blood flowing.

"Hey...where...is..Celie?" I asked between each push. Nobody said anything for a couple seconds so I stood up and looked around.

*snicker*

"What?" I exclaimed. Shining was trying not to laugh, Cadance was giggling behind her hoof and Doc just stared.

"WHAT?" I repeated with a frown.

"Aww that's cute..." Cadance said with warm smile. I could feel my cheeks warming up as she giggled.

"Ok you assholes...Where is Tia at?"

*giggle*

"Celestia?"

*snicker*

"Princess Celestia?" I muttered in frustration. Cadance wiped a happy tear from her face and smiled. "Its ok if you call her Celie DJ. I just wasn't aware you were into the nicknames..." Cadance said. "Oh ok then..." I said with an awkward smile. "I'm curious though... What does she call you?"

"Uh...Derrick... What the fuck else is she supposed to call me?" I muttered.

"Hm...interesting..." Cadance said as she rubbed her muzzle and studied me. I really don't like that look she's giving me.. So what I call her Celie or Tia instead of Celestia? What's the big deal? Now Luna calling me something like "Dearest Prince" is something to worry about. At Least Tia still calls me Derrick.

"Hey...Captain! Can we you know... Get going.... with that thing....that I came for....to learn...and stuff..." I said, with a rushing hand motion.

"Oh my bad..." He said with a nervous smile. He straightened up and took a deep breath. "Alright first I need you to power up to your first state..." He said. I said nothing and stared at him in confusion.

"Uh... Should I know what that is?" I asked sheepishly.

"It is a ponies base magical level. Think of your magic as a flowing river with a series of gates blocking it. Some ponies have more than others but generally you need to open your first gate to get into you first or ready state." Shining explained. I took a moment to consider what he said. So basically everyone has different levels and thresholds for magic, and he wants me to power up to my first one.

"Ok...power up to my ready state...got it..."

*grunt*

"..."

"Uh... DJ?"

"Gurk! What? Erk!"

"I think youre trying a little too hard there..."

"Errrr!"

"You look constipated!" Shining said with a chuckle, Cadance joined in the laughter and Doc just sat there staring. I really can't read that mare... I haven't seen her smile since I got here, and she hasn't said a word yet.

"Alright... Ok...I have no clue how to power up properly.." I said in defeat.

"Its quite simple really... Just calm your mind and imagine a gate bursting open letting your magic through. Or imagine a Funnel getting wider to let more magic flow." Shining suggested. I took a deep breath and did what he said. At first nothing happened and I felt normal, but literally as if dam was vaporized, my magic flowed through. My body started to give off a golden glow.

"Wow... This feels... Amazing..." I said as I stared at myself with amazement. "Keep going! You're not there yet!" Shining said. "What? Really there's more?" I said in shock. "Yes.. You're almost there! Trust me you'll know!" I nodded and continued. About 15 seconds later the magic around my body suddenly faded and I let out a deep breath.

"Alright...ok... That was something..." I muttered as I examined my arms and hands.

"How do you feel?"

"Invincible! But... I'm not am I?"

"Nah... That just your first state. its nothing spectacular..."

"Hmm...well... What was the point of this exactly? Its not like I couldn't use magic without powering up like this..." I question.

"Well your right about that... You can use magic without powering up to your first state. However when you use magic in your first state..." Shining began as he walked up to me and circled me slowly.

"You become more efficient with the amount of magic you expend for attacks; Your strength and indurance increases as well, but the MAIN advantage is ..." Shining said trailing off.

"What? What's the main advantage?"

"This!"

"Wait wha-" I got interrupted by Shining quickly turning and bucking me with both legs in my chest. I almost yelped, dreading the broken rips, but when I looked, I realized my body wasn't embedded in the wall behind me, in fact I barely even felt it at all.

"-Your ability to take hits increases as well!" Shining finished with a smirk.

"Huh... That one is pretty significant, since this exact same kick sent me flying into a hill and almost broke my ribs..." I muttered.

"Yes. As you can see there are loads of advantages to being in your first state..." Shining said as he backed up a few steps.

"Yeah... But... I feel like if I actually got in a fight, my opponent would just be a dick and kill me before I can power up... It took me a over a minute just to power up." I quipped with a crooked mouth.

"Oh don't worry about that, after you power up like that a few times, it becomes almost instant." Shining said with a wave of his hoof. Then he demonstrated by powering up to his base. His magic kinda just burst from him in a wave, instead of slowly forming up. I'm really glad that it doesn't work like Goku's Super Sayin 3 transformation, because I doubt anyone in real life would be a retard and go "oh let's wait multiple episodes for this fucker to power up so he can kill me!". I Love DBZ but I feel like everyone on that show gets a free " let me power up first " pass .

"Alright... What's the catch?"

"The catch? Well besides your general magical signature becoming more noticeable It's nothing too bad,  you constantly expend magic to stay in your first state, It's not much, and the drain can be improved with training, but it becomes more significant when fighting for long periods of time." Shining explained.

"It can be improved with training? By how much?"

"Well Cadance can stay in her second base indefinitely, Princess Celestia can stay in her 4th base indefinitely and I'm not sure about Princess Luna..."

"Huh... Should have seen that shit coming..." I muttered with a facepalm making Cadance Laugh. This time I heard more than one laugh. I looked to the source and I saw a few ponies at a different table.

Soarin, Rainbow, Spitfire and Cloud Chaser. Also apprantly Blaze was still at the door doing her royal guard thing, you know... Being a living statute, but I could tell she was just watching me. Unfortunately she wasn't the only one... Pretty much every girl over there was looking at me a certain way, I may have changed my mind about mares, but those lustful stares still make my skin crawl.

" Alicorns always go above and beyond with their magic" I muttered as I folded my arms.

" Yeah pretty much... You might be saying that about yourself soon..."

"What? Why?"

"Well technically you have Alicorn magic because of that 'accident'... Remember?" Shining reminded with a smug grin.

"And that is why you must be cautious when using your magic..." A somewhat monotone female voice said. It turned out to be Doctor Bright, whoed walked over to Shining and I while I wasn't looking.

"Holy shit you talk?"

"Yes I am able to communicate verbally, it is not a complicated task..." She said to me with a hint of venom, her tone staying flat and her face still emotionless. Ok then... Cold and Calculating?

"As I was saying... You must be extremely cautious. You have acquired magic from one of the most powerful Alicorns, you could accidentally cause damage to one or more ponies if your magic is cast incorrectly..."

"Uh huh..." I said, halfway paying attention because a certain pony just walked in the room. I can always feel it when she's close... I wonder if she can feel me too? She gracefully walked in and greeted everyone, I couldn't help but watch her. Then my eyes drifted to Cadance and she mouthed 4 words:

WE NEED TO TALK!

Goddammit... I have a feeling I know what she wants to talk about...

Princess Celestia made her way over to us and greeted us cheerfully. "Good afternoon Captain! Doctor Bright it is always a pleasure..." She said kindly.

"Greetings..."

"Afternoon Princess!"

Then she turned to me. I suddenly got that nervous feeling again. Dammit! Not... Afraid.... of mares! Why am I so fucking nervous?

"Uh...h..hi Princess..."

"Hi...Derrick..." She said in a slightly seductive tone as she nuzzled my cheek. As great as that was I could FEEL the jealousy erupting from the other side of the room, and I could FEEL Cadance and Shining giving me that fucking look. Before the awkwardness could linger longer the Doc spoke up.

"Derrick, you not only posses Alicorn magic, but you also posses the rare and unstable Chaos magic correct?"

"Yeah..."

"Show me..." She demanded.

I shrugged and conjured up a glock 17, I saw her eyes widen for a split second before her face returned to that unmoving Stoic stare.

"Now the transformations..."

"K" I muttered as I turned into a Pegasus. I heard a gasp and a giggle come from the peanut gallery, probably shouldn't have done that. Team Pegasus over there loves to talk about my "Wing Span". The weird thing is every time they mention that, they're not actually talking about my wings, because I see their eyes wander behind and below them like they're really talking about something else's span... I wonder what that means?

"Interesting... Can you power up to your base, utilizing chaos magic?" She asked curiously. I opened my mouth to answer but nothing came. I wonder if I can?

"I am still awaiting your reply to my query..."

"I have no clue..." I said, sagging my shoulders.

"You are a very interesting individual... Your body absorbed the Princess's power and has somehow adapted to reproduce her magic. It seems the same has happened with your Chaos magic as well, so theoretically you should be able to use it to power up to your base." Doc explained.

"Yeah... That would be nice... If I knew how..." I said as I transformed back into a human.

"Well I hate to burst your metiforical bubble, but if you don't master control over your chaos magic you will slowly and painfully be consumed by it. No magical seal will be able to protect you..." She said cripticly. I looked down on her indifferently.

"Well...You're just a ray of sunshine aren't you?" I muttered with a roll of my eyes and a fake laugh.

"This is not a humorous subject..." She muttered coldly.

"Whatever..." I grumbled. She was beginning to annoy me now with all this doom and gloom "you're gonna fucking die!" Shit

"Do you take anything seriously? I find your lack of concern troubling.." She asked with narrowed eyes. I scoffed and closed my eyes.

"Messesge received... Control my chaos magic or it will control me! I get it already! Are you TRYING to depress me? Because its fucking working! It may not seem like it but I already have a bunch of bullshit to worry about! That's just one more thing on top of the list! " I snapped angrily. Shining cringed, Celestia looked surprised, I also heard a gasp come from the other side of the room, all eyes were on me...

I rubbed my temple and sighed "Look... Thank you for your advice Docter Bright... I understand the situation.." I muttered with a forced smile. Doc just nodded and returned to her seat without a word, as if nothing happened. Shining put his hoof on my shoulder.

"Are you ok ?" He asked worridly. I took a step away letting his hoof fall to the floor.

"Yes... no.... I don't know! Look... let's just finish the training so I can go home...*sigh* I mean back to Ponyville..."I muttered with frustration. Shining and Celestia looked at each other, sharing concern. A moment later Celestia eventually walked away and sat next to Cadance, they started whispering to each other, taking glances at me repeatedly.

" Ok...the next part should be pretty simple... " Shining said as he quickly willed an object from the table he was sitting at over to him, It was a simple wooden log.

"Now... We're going to start off with Defending others with barriers first..." Shining Said as he placed the log between us. I nodded and paid attention.

"Now... When you are protecting somepony else with a shield, you're mainly going to think of them as your loved ones." Shining said as he demonstrated by forming a pink shield around the log. I scratched my head in confusion.

"Loved ones?"

"You know... Family, Friends, Your significamt other..."

"Oh...I see"

"You want to think about how much you love them, and how much you want to protect them, then you apply those emotions to form a barrier!"

"Oh... Shit..."

"What?"

"D..do I have to?"

"Yes..."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! It should be easy..."

"Ok...here goes... I guess.." I muttered as I raised my arm toward the log. Honestly I'm not even sure if I have to use my arms to cast magic but it just feels natural I guess. I concentrated for a few seconds and a tiny golden sphere started to form in front of the log.

"Yes... Your getting there..." Shining said as I tried expanding it. Unfortunately it immediately fizzled up and faded away.

"Well then... Just try again.." Shining muttered. I did what he said but the same thing happened over and over again. It would fizzle out before it even got big enough. I growled in frustration as a frown started forming on my face with every failed attempt.

"I don't understand... This usually works..." Shining muttered as he furrowed his brow. I got frustrated and almost kicked the log over.

"Maybe you're not thinking of the right ponies..."

"People..."

"Whatever. Just think about how much you love your Mom and Dad and your siblings!"

"Well... That's a little difficult for me..." I muttered as I started feeling downcast as memories surfaced.

"What? Why?"

"Let's just say I have...family issues..." I said as I stared at my feet. Shining took the hint and continued.

"Oh...I see...well... What about friends?"

"Well... I had a few back on my world...not that that matters now..."

"What about here?"

"Well... some... I guess"

"Hey! Aren't we friends?"

"Maybe...but... I've been here less than a week... Its going to take a while. Don't take it personally.."

"Hmph..."

"Sorry?"

"Forget it... What about your significant other? That's probably the easiest..."

"Uh...elaborate?"

"You know... Wife's... Fiancés... Marefriends... CRUSHES..."

"You're kidding right?"

"Nope! All I have to do is think about how much I love Cadance and my barriers stay strong!" Shining said proudly. I could see Cadance blushing from here.

"Well...I don't have any of those..." I stated firmly. Shining then got that mischievous smile on his face. Oh god...

"Are you sure?"

"Positive..."

"Really... Nopony?"

"Nope..."

"There is not a single mare that you've... Looked at a certain way?"

"Uh...n..no..."

"Not even once? None of them have caught your eye?"

"No..."

"You can really look around this room and say that there aren't any beautiful mares in here?"

"Uh...I...uh..." I stuttered as I tried to ignore Shining by trying the sheilds again, but he walked up to me and wrapped his forearm around my shoulder.

"Come on man... There's some pretty cute mares in here..." He whispered. Then he looked toward the tables.

"Rainbow Dash? The fastest flyer in Equestria?" He whispered.

"Or what about Spitfire? Captain of the Wonderbolts?" He said as he moved my head towards her. I immediately deadpanned, is this motherfucker really doing this?

"Or what about Soarin?"

Oh god he IS really doing this!

"Woah! I don't roll that way!"

"Ok then... But if you keep ignoring these mares they'll start thinking you roll that way...not that there's anything wrong with that..."

"Shut up Shining..."

"Nope! I'm not done!"

*groan*

"Ok where was I... Oh yeah! Cloud Chaser... The fastest Wonderbolt..." Shining said. I couldn't help but remember that time that she examined my wings. The way she handled them was...interesting. I couldn't help but blush slightly, and Shining caught that.

"Just look at those powerful wings... And that slim aerodynamic figure..." He said with a nudge. I looked for a second before I caught myself and shook my head.

"Hmm... Not into athletes? Moving on..." Shining said as he turned me again.

"Well now... What about Specialist Blaze over there? I hear she's quite a fan of you..."

"Yeah I noticed..."

"Well?"

"Nah..."

"Hmm ok... At least you're considering them now..."

"Shut the fuck up..."

"Moving on..." Shining said as we turned to the other table.

"Doctor Bright... Expert in every magic known to pony..."

" Aren't there only like... 3?"

"No there's quite a few really... Regular Magic, Alicorn Magic, Dragon Magic, Dark Magic, Necro Magic, Demon magic and Chaos Magic to name a few..."

"Really?"

"Yeah! In fact not many know this about her but... She actually has TWO magics... Just like you.."

"Really?"

"Yep! She has Dark magic and regular magic! At one point she had to Balance her dark magic with her regular Magic so she wouldn't be consumed by the dark magic. She never told anypony how she got it though..."

"Wow..."

"That's why she was concerned about you and your chaos magic..."

"That was concern?"

"Yeah... Its hard for her to make her emotions clear sometimes..."

"Did the Dark magic do something to her?"

"Probably not... That just the way she is..."

"Maybe a side effect of Dark magic is loss of emotion?"

"No... Then Princess Luna would be the same way..."

"Wait... She uses Dark magic???"

"Yeah..."

"Doesn't that make her... Evil?"

"No... Having a certain magic doesn't necessarily make you good or bad. Magic is mostly classified by the emotions required to bring it out, as well as some unique things you can do when using a certain magic."

"Really? Damn..." I said with a nod. Well that explains that bullshit when she turned into a cloud of mist.

"Actually I think she technically has Dark Alicorn magic... Just ask Twilight or something, I'm sure she'd be glad to explain it In detail..."

"I think I will... When I feel like getting a 10 hour long speech..."

"Yep! Good old Twily! Anyway... Where were we?"

"Oh my fucking god... You're still really doing this?"

"Yep! Doctor Bright! She's not that bad looking... I've seen a couple Guards try and ask her out..."

"Yeah...I guess you're right... But I'm not into... Cold and Calculating..."

"Really?"

"No... What are you?"

"Nooo I was just.... uh... Saying that Some ponies find that personality... attractive..."

"Even if I did, I doubt she likes me very much..."

"Hmm...very well... Moving on..."

"But that just leaves the Princesses.... Oh you're not really gonna..."

" Yes I'm really Gonna! Just this once... I'll let you look at Cadance..."

"Oh I feel honored..."

"You should feel honored! I don't call her candy ass for nothing!"

"I can't fucking believe you right now..."

"Or thunder thighs..."

"Ok I get it!"

"She's also really flexible..."

"I...I didn't want to know that..."

"She likes to roleplay too... The teacher student thing is pretty fun..."

"Shut up! No... Shut the FUCK Up!"

"Alright! Moving on...to the final mare in the room..."

"Oh lord..."

"Princess Celestia!"

"Here we go..."

"Oh by the way... Anything I say after this point is completely off the books..."

"I was pretty sure it was already off the books..."

"Not really... Cadance is far from the jealous type, but I'm not sure in this case..."

"Ok then... Off the books... Its not like I would tell anyone we had this coversation anyways..."

"Good... Because Princess Celestia is drop dead bucking gorgeous..."

"..."

"Dont even lie... Is that not true?"

"Yeah... It's true..."

"She's the reason I joined the guard..."

"Really?"

"Yeah! I was young... And when I saw her for the first time, I pretty much decided I would go to Tartarus and back to please her..."

"Damn really? Would you still?"

"Well... I guess.... Its kinda my job..."

"Sheesh..."

"Yes...sheesh indeed..."

"..."

"Alright I'm going to come out and say it... You're obsessed with her plot aren't you.."

"What? No! I don't even like mares..."

"Oh really? Because I'm pretty sure 10-15 seconds ago you agreed she was gorgeous..."

"S...so? Just because she's gorgeous doesn't mean I like mares..."

"Hmm...ok then... Why are you blushing then?"

"I'm not!"

"You totally are... You can't resist staring at those suns..."

"Sh...shut up!"

"Why? Just admit it..."

"Admit what??"

"Admit that you like that plot just as much as or maybe even more then every other stallion in Equestria..."

"What? Hell no!"

"The sooner you do, the sooner you make that shield..."

"No way!"

"Hmm... Do you need some extra motivation?"

"Like what?!"

"Like...Princess Luna's Plot?"

"..."

"Wow... I didn't know somebody's face could turn that red..."

"Fuck...up..."

"I have one last question..."

"What..."

"Dont you want to protect those perfectly plump Royal plots?"

"N...no.."

"You wouldn't care if the moon and sun disappeared forever? And no I'm not talking about the ones in the sky..."

"I....I...I Don't..."

"Oh yes you do... Look at the log again..." Shining said with confidence. I looked at the log and it was covered in a thick Golden shield... No... Actually 2 sheilds...no 3!

"A stallions Love for Plot is intense... As is yours..."

I slowly turned to him with the most blank deadpan goldfish look ever.

"You Slick motherfucking asshole..." I said loudly getting everyone's attention back.

"You're welcome!" Shining said as he pat my back. I rolled my eyes and deactivated the shields. I considered what he said about plot and was able to reproduce the shields effortlessly now. I could even surround myself in one. Huh... I guess I love nice ass... I shouldn't be too surprised I suppose.

"Welp... That pretty much covers it for now..." Shining said as he stretched. Rainbow suddenly zipped up to me making me jump. "You're gonna show us those cool human weapons still right?" She asked hopefully. Shining and I looked at each other then I nodded. "Yeah...I almost forgot..." I said with a deadpan expression. I was honestly hoping to fly back to Ponyville after this but I guess not. "Everypony meet at the magic Range!" Shining announced. Then everyone stood up and started to exit the room. I looked down at the G18 in my hands. It was an all black one with an extended mag, I hit the release and checked the mag, and sure enough it was loaded. With a snap of my fingers I made the gun disappear, I'll be testing that later. I wonder where it goes when I dismiss it?

I shook my head and started walking  up to the door to catch up with the others, but before I could leave, the door glowed blue and it almost slammed shut like a fucking horror movie. I slowly turned my head toward the tables to see Cadance, still sitting there with a knowing smile on her face.

"Now?"

"Yes now...come sit..." Cadance ordered calmly. I gulped and slowly walked over to the table. Then I remembered what Shining was saying about his fiancé... There go my wandering eyes again.... Heh... Candyass...

I sat down in the chair across from her with a nervous smile. She maintained a neutral smile and said nothing.

"So...am I like...in trouble?"

"Well... that depends on wether or not I mention, I just caught you staring at my flank..." She said calmly. Godammit.... I'm an idiot! Don't check someone out when their staring you in the face.... It won't go well. Caught red handed, I honestly didn't know what to do at that point, so I just tapped the table with my fingers and looked at anything but Cadance.

"So... That thing.... That just happened... Wouldn't have anything to do with what you wanted to talk about... would it?"

"Oh that's EXACTLY what I wanted to talk about.." Cadance said with a smirk, much to my dismay.

"Fuck..." I muttered with an annoyed huff.

"Well now how... should I begin? The Human who claimed to want absolutely nothing to do with mares a few days ago, comes back to Canterlot... Drooling all over my aunt..." Cadance said tapping her front hoofs together. I scoffed and shook my head.

"Uh... I have nooo idea what you're talking about..."

"Manure..."

"Seriously I don't!"

"Hmm... Deny it all you want, but I can smell it on you..." She claimed. I furrowed my brow and sniffed myself. What the hell does she mean?

"Smell what? Do I stink?"

"I can smell mares...lots of mares... *sniff* and... A griffon?"

"Huh?"

"You've been awfully close to Equestrian females lately... Haven't you?"

"Yeah... I guess... But pause for a second... How the fuck can you smell them on me? I took a fucking shower!?"

"One does not simply 'wash' the smell off. It sticks to you like glue. "

"How the hell can you pick it up anyway?" I demanded. Cadance's smile wavered slightly and she looked away.

"Well... Honestly its a side effect..."

"Of?"

"Of being in heat..."

"...Oh shit I keep forgetting!" I said as I facepalmed.

"What?"

"That mating season thing is soon..."

"What about it?"

"Look... I may be somewhat into mares now but I'm not ready for something like that!"

"AHA! I knew it!"

"What..."

"I knew you were into mares now!"

"Wha-oh for fuck's sake is this what this whole thing was about??!"

"Yes...and you admitted it!"

"No I didn't! I said SOMEWHAT!"

"Hm... I find it hard to believe that you only like them somewhat... You were staring pretty hard DJ..."

"I know... I just....I don't....I....UGH!" I exclaimed loudly as a let my head fall to the table in frustration.

"It looks like you're conflicted by your new feelings..."

"Yeah... No shit... A week ago I would have laughed in your face if you told me I would go to a magical land full of talking Technicolor ponies and less than a week later..." I trail off. Cadance sighed and shook her head, then she suddenly lit up and pointed at the door.

"Oh hi Auntie!" She said happily. I almost jumped and my head snapped toward the door... Aaaaaand nobody's there. I turned back and deadpanned.

"...You've got it bad DJ..." Cadance said, busting out laughing.

"Stop toying with my emotions Cadance..." I muttered with a frown.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist..." She said as she finished her obnoxious laughter.

"Now then... What's going on between you and my aunts?" She asked with a raised brow. I immediately froze in place. She said AUNTS.... Not just AUNT.

"Uh...things..."

"It didn't look like just 'things'... Aunt Luna has been coming back from her Ponyville patrol much happier then usual... You wouldn't have anything to do with that would you?"

"Perhaps..."

"Mhhmm... So is it two crushes now? Or should I include whatever Griffon you were hanging out with?"

"Crushes?"

"Yes crushes, Unless of course you plan to go further then that..."

"Look Cadance... Bottom line... Yes... I look at Equestrian females differently now; Yes I was Drooling over Celie; Yes my eyes... lingered... on your plot for too long, sorry about that by the way..."

"It's ok"

"Yes Luna and I have engaged in...uh mouth to mouth contact on more than one occasion; Yes a Griffon violated my mouth with her tounge..." I listed verbatim. Cadance kept her kind smile and giggled.

"Wow you've had quite the week haven't you?"

"Yeah... I'm still not sure if this is some fucked up dream... I'm so confused.." I said with a forlorn expression. Cadance sighed and stood up from her chair and walked to my side.

"I advise that you just take your time. Don't rush into anything you might regret. Give yourself time to figure out what you truely do or don't want. After all... The season could even be affecting your emotions for all we know." Cadance said with a warm smile. I stood up and snatched my bag off the ground.

"I guess you're right... Things are just too fast for me right now... I feel a little better now that I talked about it, Thanks..." I said with a nod. Cadance smiled and giggled. Then she leaned in and nuzzled my cheek making me blush.

"You know... That will never stop being awkward..."

"You're welcome DJ. Feel free to come by anytime to talk about your... Mare problems..." Cadance said with a smirk. I nodded then she nudged me.

"Come on... The others are waiting..." Cadance said as she waved me over to the door. I followed her for a few steps before stopping in my tracks. Cadance slowly stopped walking and turned to me with an innocent smile.

"S..stop swinging your hips..."

"Stop looking..."

"..."

*giggle*

"You did that on purpose didn't you..."

" You weren't complaining earlier..."

"I'm sick of your shit Cadance...."

*giggle*
" Come on! Let's go!" She ordered. I sighed and threw my head back. This world is so strange... I wonder how long it will take me to call any of this "normal". I just hope I can keep my sanity until then... Assuming I didn't already lose it...

Cadance and I walked through the castle halls, she thankfully knew where the fuck we were going because I sure didn't. I had to follow next to her because when I walked behind her again she smacked me with her tail because of my wandering eyes. I think I may have a serious plot obsession now. We walked silently for the most part...until Cadance thought it was funny to get on me about me checking out a random made in the hallway. After that we arrived on a hallway that had a lot more guards then the rest, so I assume we're near the range.

" So what was Shining whispering too you anyway? " she asked curiously. I laughed nervously and looked away.

"Uh... It was just a pep talk..." I muttered innocently. Cadance narrowed her eyes in disbelief.

"That was some pep talk then... Whoever you thought of to make the shield must be very close to your heart..." Cadance said with a cocked brow.

"Whatever you say Cadance... oh look we're here!" I said as I pointed to another massive door. The guards in front of it opened it without question to reveal a large room. There were a few wooden targets on the far side of the room set up in lanes. It more or less resembled a human range. I heard a few zaps, then I saw a golden beam lash out and blow a large hole in the target, knocking it back. Heh... I would hate to be that guy! Then I saw something a little... Strange... The target glowed blue, then it started to put itself back together. Then it floated back to it's starting position. Well then... I guess the fucking logs are enchanted or something.

"Darn it! Why do you always win Princess???" Shining exclaimed in frustration.

"I'm terribly sorry, but I have a high score to maintain..." Celestia said with a smug grin.

"But you have a high score on everything!" Shining said with a frown as Cadance and I walked over.

"DJ! Finally! Let's see those human weapons!" Shining said, running up to me. Then the others came pouring out of another door on the far side of the room.

"That was the cheapest attack I've ever seen..." Rainbow muttered, clearly upset about something.

"What? It worked didn't it?" Soarin teased.

I tapped Shining "What are they talking about?" I questioned.

"Oh they were messsing around in the simulation training chamber..." Shining dismissed with a wave of his hoof.

"Wait what?"

"The Guard uses it for advanced Training sometimes, because you can go all out in there without actually hurting your opponent, or damaging anything." Shining explained. Hmm... That actually sounds pretty neat! I might check that room out one day.

"Ok then..." I muttered as I waited for everyone to come to us. Im just going to shoot a few guns and leave. You know those times where you're in that mood where anything and everything annoys the shit out of you for no particular reason, and you don't want to be a dick and tell anyone off, so you kinda just pull through it. Yeah...That's basically me right now.

"Ok DJ! Use the biggest baddest Human weapon you can think of!" Rainbow ordered.

"Hell no! I can't use a nuke on the range Dash!"

"Why not? What's a nuke anyways?"

"Its a bomb...a very big bomb..."

"How big?" Celestia asked curiously.

"Like so big that, simply dropping 2 ended a world war..."

"Your entire world was at war???" Shining blurted.

"Well not really. Just the powerful countries of the world were... Twice..."

"2 world wars!!!"

"Yep..."

"And just two of those bombs ended it?" Doc asked curiously.

"Yeah pretty much... I'm pretty sure it's Humankind's most devastating weapon...I'm not sure now though..."

"What do you mean?" Rainbow questioned.

"Well the first two nukes were used in the year 1945 on my world...."

"What year was it when you left?" Celestia asked.

"It was the year 2015... I'm not sure exactly what other secret weapons of mass destruction we've made since then... Not to mention how far nuclear bombs have advanced..." I said as I rubbed my chin.

"What kind of payload are we talking anyway?" Shining asked.

"Well I can say for sure that if I did what Rainbow said and detonated one here... What's this castle made of again?"

"Stone, marble, bricks, steel and some wood... Stuff like that..." Rainbow guessed.

"More or less..." Celestia confirmed.

"Well then... First off... We would all be completely vaporized..." I muttered casually. Everyone cringed at that thought. I chuckled and continued. its honestly kind of funny seeing their reactions to human stuff... Even if the subject is war.

"Anything and everything in the castle would be fucked.... Everyone in canterlot would be fucked... Hell anything on the mountain would probably be fucked. If Ponyville wasn't fucked from the explosion, then the mountain collapsing on it and the Radiation would definitely fuck it. The mushroom cloud from the explosion would be seen all across Equestria and would fuck anyone who dares look at it directly. The worst part is this area would be uninhabitable for at least 10,000 Years or maybe even a few Hundred thousand because of radiation. I'm honestly not completely sure any of that is accurate, but let's just say that everything would be fucked if a nuke went off here... Assuming magic doesn't get in the way..." I said calmly. When I looked up everyone's jaws were on the floor, hell even Doc showed some emotion there.

"Wow...that's a lot of...fuck..." Soarin muttered. Making us all laugh except Doc.

"H..how did humans achieve such explosive yield?"

"Uh... I dunno... We split an atom or something. Apprantly that fucks shit up." I muttered truthfully. Doc nodded and sat there completely perplexed. I shrugged and started thinking... What gun should I use first? How about a rifle... Something REALLY basic... Like an M4... Yeah! I'll start with the M4A1. I concentrated on my hands and conjured up a M4 carbine. Cadance got nervous and took a step back.

"Is that the bomb you were talking about?" She asked nervously.

"What? No! Does this look like a bomb to you?" I said with a chuckle.

"Well... To be fair... Did you expect me to know what human bombs look like?"

"Yeah.... Good point.... Anyway... Moving on!" I announced as I took the M4 to the first lane, everyone followed close behind me.

"Oh I almost forgot... This weapon's projectiles have a chance to ...bounce... Soo..." I said with a cringe. Everyone tensed up after that except Rainbow. "Pfft... Whatever... I can just avoid them if that happens..." She said confidently. I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

"Whatever Dash... Good luck avoiding something coming at you at over twice the speed of sound..." I muttered. When nobody said anything for a few seconds I looked behind me and everyone looked scared...well except Celie... I don't recall actually seeing her scared of something... She just looks worried. I have a feeling that if a bullet hit her or Cadance it would either bounce off harmlessly, Desintegrate or just flat out stop and give up.

I checked the gun and made sure it was ready, cocking it with a satisfying click. "Uh... This thing is loud as fuck... So you might want to back up a little and cover your ears. Also stay away from my right side..." I warned as I lined up the first shot and removed the safety.

"Uh...why?" Spitfire asked as she and Soarin moved to my left.

"Because I'm sure you would love this thing ejecting hot brass all over your face wouldn't you?" I said sarcastically. They didn't know what I ment but they followed my advice and moved. Some were more confident than others, standing to my immediate left and not covering their ears (Rainbow) while everyone else stepped back.

"Alright... Let's see if I can earn that accuracy ribbon..." I joked to myself as I slowly applied pressure to the trigger.

*CRACK!*

*THOK!*

"FUCK!" I yelled as I saftied the weapon and fell to my knees. That was really fucking loud! I turned to the others and they were all in similar states as me. I wasn't ready for that, the Acoustics in this room made that shot a lot louder then it should have been. Celestia and Cadance had it the worst because their hearing is more sensitive, although they managed to stand tall despite the pain.

"Well...you certainly weren't kidding..." Celestia said with a strained smile. Cadance was completely silent, she just sat there shaking. Rainbow for once didn't have a ego boosting comment, and everyone else was on the ground.

"Are all human weapons like this??!" Shining demanded.

"More or less..." I muttered as I stood back up and rubbed my ears. Rainbow finally got up off the ground and glared at me. Bitch don't look at me like that! I told you it was going to be loud!

Suddenly the doors to the training room burst open and what seemed like the whole fucking Royal Guard charged in. They immediately commed the area, searching for threats until Shining cleared his throat.

"As you can see... We're all perfectly fine... So you can...leave..." He muttered. The guards looked at each other and slowly piled out of the room. The second they left I started laughing.

"They charged in like I used this thing on one of you or something..." I muttered with a chuckle.

"I told them we were testing weapons... I didn't say that it would sound like Armageddon..." Shining said.

"I'm pretty sure I can cast a spell to reduce the sound..." Celestia started.

"Nah... I have a human solution to this..." I said as I conjured up a silencer and screwed it on.

"What's that?" Rainbow asked.

"A silencer..."

"What does it do?"

*facepalm*

Instead of explaining it I just fired another shot. This time it sounded like a low muffled thud, it was still pretty damn loud though. Hmm... That honestly sounds pretty.... Different... Games and Movies had me thinking it was a *tink* sound. I looked at everyone's reaction and they still looked a little shaken, but they weren't on the floor like last time.

"Im Going to crank it up in a second, Any objections?" I said as I looked around.

"Alright time for full auto..." I said as I flipped the switch.

"Full auto?" Celestia questioned.

"I'll just show you..." I muttered as I got into firing position. I pulled the trigger and lit the poor wooden target up, blasting it to splinters. It only took a few seconds for the mag to be spent. The moment it was, I hit the release and gave the gun a slight nudge, letting the mag fall to the ground, then I conjured another and slid it in and cocked it in one swift motion. Then I switched it back to semi auto and fired on some of the moving logs. When my ammo was spent I simply dropped the Mag and set the gun on the floor.

"He looks so sexy using that weapon..." someone said behind me. I deadpanned and turned around.

"Uh...who said that?" I asked sheepishly. The guys were laughing their asses off. None of the girls looked guilty either. Ok I'm pretty sure Doc didn't say that.... I don't think Spitfire did either... And I know for a fact Cadance wouldn't say something like that, especially In front of Shining. So that leaves Rainbow...Cloud Chaser, Celie and... Oh shit I forgot Blaze is here! Hmm... I didn't see Rainbow say anything... And Blaze is too far right now. So that means Cloud chaser said it... Then again... What if Celie said it? It did kind of sound like her voice... Even if she agreed with that statment I doubt she would say something like that...

"You know what? Never mind..." I said as I covered my face. I'm better off not knowing who said it.

"Well... I see what you mean by... Hot metal in your face..." Spitfire said as she pointed to the pile of smoking shell casing.

"Yep..." I muttered as Rainbow flew up to the first log and brought it over.

"That thing is pretty loud, but its all bark and no bite!" She claimed as she pointed to the holes in the log.

"Well that target has enough lead in it to kill it 4 times... just because its not vaporized doesn't mean the thing is weak..."

"Lead? This weapon utilizes Lead?" Doc questioned.

"Yep. let me show you.." I said as I conjured up a bullet. Then I explained for a few minutes about how a hammer inside the rifle strikes the back of it and the resulting explosion sends the bullet out of the barrel, you know... Bullshit like that.

...

"That actually sounds pretty painful.." Shining cringed.

"Yep... Unless you hit center mass or the head your probably going to bleed to death..."

"That's quite a brutal weapon..." Celestia muttered.

"Pfft! I think I'd take being shot over getting cut or stabbed any day!" I quipped.

"Ok what's next?" Rainbow asked excitedly.

"Next? I was kinda hoping.."

"Show us a bigger one!"

*sigh*

For the next hour or however fucking long I had the butt of a gun pounding my palm and shoulder, I showed them more Rifles, Machine guns, Pistols, and a Sniper rifle or two. I even tried showing them a shotgun but I'd say everyone's favorite was the Barret 50 cal, because it blew a hugeass hole in the log. Shining had to recast the spell that made the logs regenerate and move. Unfortunately the guns were starting to take a toll on me, my right hand hurt and my shoulder was numb. I could barely hear out of my right ear at this point. The worst part was, everytime I conjured a new gun up, I would feel pain in my chest that got worse as I went on. At first it was minor, but eventually it started to get distracting to the point where everyone stopped to ask if I was ok. Of course I denied everything though, I don't want people worrying about me.

"Alright... I've had enough guys... I can't feel my arm..." I grumbled.

"Come on DJ just one more!" Rainbow pleaded again.

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"YES"

"Nah"

"Ya"

"Will you leave me alone if i do one more?"

"Yeah! I promise!"

"You said that last time..."

"So?"

"I'm going pull your damn feathers off your wings if you ask again..."

"I swear I won't!"

"For real?"

"Yes for real!"

"You said that last time too..."

"Ugh! Come on! Just do it dude!"

"Ok fine Dammit!" I blurted angrily. I ignored Rainbow's victorious smile and thought about which gun to conjure. I figured since this is the last one I may as well make it special. Hmm... Alright... I wonder if I can summon fictional weapons? That would be pretty cool! You know what? Let's try it! I concentrated again and thought of a weapon. Let's see here... Random gun? Sparten laser from halo!

However unlike the other weapons this one hurt like hell to conjure, in fact I was only a quarter of the way to completing it before I was forced to stop. I held my hand out and fell to my knees.

"Woah!" Shining exclaimed.

"Derrick are you ok?" Celestia asked worriedly. They all reached out to grab me but I motioned for them to stop. Then I slowly stood up clutching my chest.

"Damn... That was...painful..." I muttered with a strained smile.

"It seems you've exhausted the limited amount of chaos magic that the seal allows you to safely use ." Celestia explained.

"Crap! Are you sure?"

"I'd have to see the seal to be sure..."

"Oh...uh... Do I have to take off my hoodie again?"

"Yes.."

"Goddammit... Right now?"

"Now..."

"Do as she commands... I'm concerned about the status of the chaos seal as well..." Doc said as she finally looked up from her notes. Oh yeah... This bitch was taking notes while Shining and I were busy blowing up logs with 50 cal snipers.

"Yeah... Take your shirt off... For science..." Cloud Chaser said suggestevly.

I sighed and slipped both my shirt and my hoddie off. The 3 dots in the circular pattern were there again, except they were glowing Golden instead of black. I just stared at the floor and tried not to make contact with anyone. Believe it or not its awkward as fuck when you're shirtless and being examined by a fucking Goddess while other cute girls are drooling on you.

"Well?" I ask impatiently.

" You've used a lot of magic in a short amount of time, so the seal is preventing further use to avoid corruption... The safe amount of chaos magic has been temporarily exhausted... " Celie said.

"So basically... No more chaos magic until this thing stops glowing?"

"Precisely..." Doc reinforced.

"Fuck..."

I laid my head in my hands and mumbled cuss words into them. I can't leave the fucking castle if I can't change into Dawn.

"Wow... Ok question..." Cloud Chaser said, raising her hoof.

"What..."

"What did you do back on your world? Did you play sports?"

"No....why?"

"Because... This!" She said she rubbed her hoof across my Stomach. Before I could say anything Rainbow did the same.

"He reminds me of a minatour... Except not freakishly muscular and veiny..." She said.

"And a lot cuter..." Cloud Chaser added.

"I agree with this observation... However... His skin is much smoother than a Minatour..." Doc added as she started rubbing me bare chest. Her too???

"Uh...get off?"

"Chill DJ... We're not doing anything bad..." Cloud Chaser said, biting her lip.

"GET OFF!" Celestia said sternly out of knowhere. The girls yiped and backed off immediately. Damn... She seemed pretty pissed right there... Not really sure why... But who cares, they're not touching me anymore! Cadance, Shining and Soarin were trying so hard not to laugh, they looked like they were trying to shit bricks. Spitfire was really quiet for some reason, she sat there deep in thought.

"How would you feel if I did that shit to you!?" I said as I wiped fur off my chest.

"Great...I would feel GREAT! Really great! Extremely Great! Super Great!" Cloud Chaser said with a creepy smile.

"Uh...you weren't really supposed to answer that..."

"Oh..." She said as her cheeks turned into ripe tomatos. Spitfire apprantly finished her thought because she walked up to me. Is this bitch going to touch me too? Actually... I think the better question is: why did I let the others touch me?

"How did you get this scar?" She asked.

"I was quite curious about that myself.." Doc said.

"Me too!" Rainbow added.

"I was about to ask that..." Cloud chaser muttered.

Aaaaaaand now I'm depressed. That fucking scar is the last thing I want to remember right now! I slipped my shirt and hoodie back on and sighed heavily.

"I...i dont want to talk about it.... Look...I'll see you all around or something, I'm gonna go...Walk around for a bit..." I said as I scooped my bag off the ground and headed toward the door. Celestia, Cadance and Shining shot each other worried glances.

"Hey... Are you going to nightmare night?" Rainbow questioned.

"Hell no..." I said dryly as I left the room almost slamming the doors shut behind me.

...

"Sheesh.. I wonder what happened?" Rainbow said.

"Perhaps we brought up a difficult subject for him?" Said Doc.

"Maybe..." Cloud Chaser said with a shrug.

"I hope he's alright..." Spitfire muttered.

"He looks pretty tough though, I'm sure he'll be ok..." Cloudchaser said confidently.

"Yeah... Did you feel those abs though?" Rainbow asked, a wide grin forming.

"You bet I did! Not bulky but still pretty tight! He has just the right amount of muscle!" Cloud chaser said excitedly.

"I know right!?" Rainbow said with knowing smile.

"I currently have no romantic attraction to him, but I agree with your statement." Doc said bluntly.

"Sheesh... you're all obsessed..." Spitfire said, shaking her head.

"Ha! don't even pretend you weren't staring at him Captain..." Cloud Chaser said with a smirk and a nudge. Spitfire looked away and closed her eyes.

"If you're implying that I looked at his perfectly toned abs, then you're completely wrong..." She said sarcastically.

The girls blinked a few times and looked at each other before busting out in laughter. On the other side of the room a different conversation was taking place.

...

" Are you hinting that I should work out more or something?" Shining said with a cocked brow.

"No honey! I was just saying that DJ looks cute shirtless..." Cadance said innocently. Then they both looked at Celestia. She looked back at them suspiciously. They smiled at her and Shining cleared his throat as they waited for her to say something.

"No comment..." Celestia muttered with a slight grin. They shrugged and chuckled until Shining's expression got more serious.

"His mood collapsed completely when Spitfire mentioned that scar..." Shining said with a troubled expression.

"Not only that... It looks like other things are bothering him as well... It must be stressful trying to adjust to a new world.." Cadance said.

"He's probably confused about his recent realization..." Shining muttered. That caught Celestia's attention and she listened closely.

"Oh I know what your talking about..." Cadance said with a giggle.

"Yeah... We had a little chat about that... It worked wonders with his barrier magic."

" Indeed... I had the same talk with him!" Cadance said with a laugh.

"He's still struggling to fully accept it but he admitted he can't lie to himself anymore about it.." Shining muttered.

"He tried to play dumb when i questioned him, but he cracked anyway..." Cadance said with a giggle. They both laughed before being interrupted by Celestia clearing her throat.

"May I ask what realization of his are you referring to?". Cadance and Shining looked at each other mischievously.

"Auntie... You're usually the first one to notice a change in somepony..." Cadance quipped.

"Yes... But I'm afraid I've failed this time around. Please enlighten me..." Celestia said with a deadpan expression.

"Well why don't you go ask him yourself?" Shining said with a smug grin.

"Why? He... clearly wants to be alone right now..."

"Oh trust me... You will NOT hear him complain..." Cadance said.

"Hm... Perhaps... But I'm not sure it's a good idea."

"You should go talk to him Auntie... It will make him feel better... MUCH better.." Cadance said with a nudge.

"Besides... We all heard your comment earlier... Don't act like you DON'T want to talk to him." Shining said smugly. Celestia paused and deadpanned again. That outburst was simply her accidentally thinking out loud.

"I also noticed your hoof lingered a little to long on his chest..." Cadance added. Celestia raised her hoof to say something but she stopped short. She snorted and swiftly left the room.

"..."

"Hey remember when she yelled GET OFF?"

"Yeah! That was hilarious!"

"Do you think that DJ actually wants to be alone?"

"Maybe... But it won't matter..."

"Why?"

"Because our buddy can't resist the plot..."

"Wow... You've got it all figured out! Pretty impressive!"

"Yep... Pretty soon I could take your job! They'll call me... The prince of love!"

"Well if that happens then I'll be... Captain Cadance!"

"Don't get too ahead of yourself honey..."

...

I was walking around the castle aimlessly at this point. I'm not sure exactly what the hell I wanted to accomplish by storming out of the room like that, but all I know is I needed to. I don't know why this scar still bothers me... I mean... It happened such a long time ago that I should have moved on... But every time I look at it... I just... Nevermind... This is just going to depress me even more. On another note... I'm never taking my shirt off in front of those fuckers again.

I kept walking through the halls looking down at my feet as I went. Several ponies tried to talk to me but I simply ignored them, I'm not in the mood for dealing with anyone. Nothing significant happened after that until I rounded a corner and bumped right into a pony. He was a white Unicorn with a neat light amber mane. He seemed kinda pissed but you all know I don't give a shit, so I kept walking.

"Aren't you going to apologize... peasant?" The guy said, making me freeze in place. This motherfucker...did not... I slowly turned my head and glared.

"No..." I said with venom. I turned back and kept walking, but this asshole started following me.

"I will ask again... AREN'T YOU GOING TO APOLOGIZE?" He said behind me louder.

"No I'm not going to apologize, so fuck off!" I muttered.

"Why I never! Do you know who you're speaking to?"

"No... And frankly I don't give a shit"

"I am Prince Blue Blood!" He said proudly. Then he started looking at me like I was supposed flip out or something.

"Ok... Is that supposed to mean something?"

"It means that you should apologize for bumping into me Peasant!"

"Nah...I'm good Blue Balls..."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"Prince Blue Balls... That's your name right?"

" No peasent! Its BLUE BLOOD! "

"You know... I have a name too blue balls..."

"I see no reason why a glorified hairless Monkey should have a name!"

Wow... Just wow... He didn't just go there did he?... Ok this jackass asked for it.

"Listen here you little punk! Who the fuck do yo think you are?"

"Prince Blue Blood..."

"You're still acting like that title means something. I obviously don't have a flying fuck to give about you being a Prince!"

"Well how does... Princess Celestia's nephew sound?" He stated with a smirk. Hm... Should I give a fuck? Nah... I'm DJ, fuck giving a fuck about fucks. I put on a fake smile and started clapping.

"Oh wow...do you want a fucking cookie?" I said sarcastically.

"No! I want an apology... Or else..." He stated. I started laughing in his face.

"Or else what? You'll tell on me? Go right fucking ahead! I don't give a shit what they do to me, I won't apologize to you!" I yelled.

"N...no...I'm perfectly capable of handling my own business..." Blueblood said with a nervous smile. Bitch you know you were going to run up to the Princess and complain. I probably should be a little concerned about what Celestia could do to me, but I doubt that she would blame me for being an asshole... To an asshole. She's definitely nearby at least. Maybe even watching this altercation, I can feel her fucking presence. Quite the audience was starting to gather.

"Well if you're perfectly capable of 'handling your own business' then why don't you stop being a little bitch and do something?" I challenged. Blueballs tensed up and started looking serious. Hmm... He is related to Celestia... Does that insane magical power run in the family? Because I would be complely fucked.

"I wouldn't want to dirty my hoofs with such a  task, it would be too easy anyway.." Blueballs said as he stuck his muzzle in the air.

*ACHOO*

"Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit..." I muttered. Blue balls tried to glare daggers at me except his daggers were more like wet noodles, they had no effect.

"You're going to regret disrespecting a prince like this...." He said cryptically

"Cool story bro..." I muttered with a roll of my eyes. Before we could say anything more Princess Celestia decided to show herself. The spectators immediately cleared out when they saw her. She walked up to us with a neutral expression.

"What is the problem here?" She asked calmly. Blue blood gave me a look that said "You're fucked now bitch!".

" Well I was enjoying a simple stroll through the royal halls, when this blind barbarian knocks me over!" Blue blood said. This fucking asshole....I swear... Its taking all my willpower not to break this motherfucker's muzzle right now.

"Ok...I'm sure it was an accident..."

"Nevertheless, this peasent absolutely refuses to apologize!" He said as he looked at me in disgust. Ok I've about had it with this guy, I don't give a shit if Celestia throws me in jail for this.

"Listen here you Disgusting Spoiled Burocratic Parasite! If you call me a peasent... ONE more time, the doctors will have to surgically remove your horn from your eye socket .." I said coldly. He looked at me like I was mentally insane. Then he scoffed and shook his head.

"You're quite a brave one...peas-"

He couldn't finish his sentence because his jaw was forcefully slammed shut by my fist. I didn't hit him too hard but he recoiled and stumbled back a few steps. He looked completely shocked as he felt his jaw. There was a tiny bit of blood in his mouth so I guess I made him bite his tounge or something.

"How dare you strike Royalty?" He breathed, then he looked at Celestia.

"And you... Why didn't you stop him?" He said as he glared at her with disappointment.

"Oh I'm sorry... I recall you saying that you can... Handle your own business..." She said, obviously holding back a smile. Blue balls exclaimed in frustration and stomped off. Before he rounded the corner he turned around. "I will get you for this HUMAN!" He stated. "As you can clearly fucking see, I still don't have a flying fuck to give you! Sorry!" I shouted. "You won't be saying that when I have my revenge!" He claimed. " Whatever you say blue balls.." I muttered uncaringly as I waved him off. He gave me the death stare then finally took his punk ass out of my sight.

"Fag..." I muttered victoriously. Then I turned to Celestia, whoed started laughing her fucking ass off.

"That piece of shit is really your nephew?"

"Distant nephew...."

"Your nephew is a Queef..."

"Very distant..."

"I see... He's not awesome like you are"

"Pretty much..."

Celestia started to laugh again I couldn't help but chuckle a little bit. But despite the comedy I still feel like shit, especially since this seal is uncomfortably sealing off my chaos magic. When I fell silent Celestia started to look concerned.

"What's wrong?" She asked softly.

"Ah...nothing... I'm just mad at life right now I guess... So many little things piling up.. You know?" I said as I sighed and looked down.

"Hmm...I see... Do you know what I do when I feel that way?"

"Eat endless bowls of ice cream while sitting on your couch?"

"No...well....sometimes... But I simply sit in the royal hot tub..."

"Oh....shit you have a hot tub? I've never used one before!" I said, lighting up somewhat.

"Yes... We have 4 actually... Would you like to try one?"

"Hell yes!"

"Splendid! Let's go, there's one on the next hall..." Celestia said as she started walking away. I followed behind her...uh scratch that.... beside her as we made our way toward the royal hot tub.

Nothing can possibly go wrong right?
> Act 5 part 2: Awkward flirting
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Act 5 part 2: Awkward flirting

" Are you sure that's not a pool?" I ask as I eyed the "hot tub" in front of me with confusion. I've seen a handfull of hot tubs in the past, I just haven't had the pleasure of sitting in one before. Most of them are about the size of 3-5 regular bath tubs, while this one looks more like a small pool.

"No silly! The pools are on a different hall!" Celestia said with a playful giggle. Being a Princess has its perks I suppose. I set my bag down somewhere away from the water and quickly dumped the contents of my pockets into it. As I was doing this I suddenly froze in place, dropping my bag to the floor.

What the fuck did I just agree too?

I will be sitting... Half naked....in a tub... With Celestia.... Who will also be half nak- wait....she's always naked... Huh. But still! I recently got over one hurdle, which was accepting That magical ponies are...hot....

Shut up! Don't judge me! Stop laughing!

But at the end of the day regardless of whether she's a pony or a human, I'm still going in a hot tube with a hot girl! I'm terrible around girls! Well sometimes... I don't know how to explain it... I guess sometimes I can relax and be myself, and sometimes I cant... it's that simple actually. Shit! Maybe I can bail! Wait no... Then she'll get suspicious as to why I suddenly backed out. Well I guess I just have to do it... Man up Derrick.

I walked over to Celestia who was standing near the edge of the pool. We sat silently for a couple seconds.

"So....how do you like...turn it on?"

"One moment..." Celestia said as her horn lit up. Suddenly a large glass orb that was embedded in the ceiling above the pool lit up. Then 4 identical orbs surfaced from the corners of the tub and zapped the water. A few seconds later it seemed that a wave of warmth washed over the entire room.

"It should be warm enough in a minute or so..." Celestia said.

"That was really elaborate for something as simple as warming water. I thought you were summoning a demon or something..."

"Oh of course not! I only do that on special occasions..." She said with a casual wave of her hoof.

"..."

"I'm joking... I don't do that anymore..."

"...Im not going to ask what possed you to do something like that but I am a bit concerned that you even tried something like that...."

"As I told you before... I used to be quite mischievous when I was younger..." She reminded.

"Well... ok then..." I muttered with a shiver as I stared into the water again. It was now starting to warm up. I could feel the heat now.

"So...who's going to hip hop in first?" Celie asked.

"I dunno.... It looks a bit hot....and deep... Ladies first?" I said with a smirk. She smiled at me and put her hoof on my shoulder and smiled.

"Uh what are you do-"

*SPLASH*

Celestia pushed me into the water and lost her shit. I immediately sprang up out of the water, my senses assualted by the sudden heat of the tub.

"What the fuck! You couldn't wait for me to take my Damn clothes off first!??"

"Sorry...I couldn't help it..."

"USED to be mischievous... my ass..." I said grumpily as I climbed out of the pool and stood there in my soaked clothes.

"I suppose its punishment for striking my nephew..."

"What? I thought you didn't care!"

"At the time I admit it was fairly amusing. However you simply cannot go around punching my ponies..." Celestia stated. I rolled my eyes and started taking my shoes off. The next few hours is going to be a mess for me! I can't conjure up clothes right now, so I'm going to be stuck with these soaked ones. Wet clothes are the most uncomfortable things ever!

"You're lucky I didn't have anything important in my pockets or you and me would be fighting..." I said with a shake of my head. Celestia looked at me with disbelief and amusment.

"Oh really?" She challenged with a smirk.

"Nope..." I muttered, as I took off my shirt and hoodie, tossing them aside, making a wet plop sound as they made a small puddle where I tossed them.. I'm going to have to be careful with my boxers because I can't conjure up any swimming trunks to put over them.

Once I had everything off and set aside I stared into the water again. The room was awfully quiet so I looked back at Celie, who was staring at me.

"What?" I said. She said nothing as her cheeks turned a very light shade of red. The fuck is her problem?

I quickly realized that she was looking... Down....Down toward my Boxers. I took a glance down and realization Dawned on me instantly. Wet clothes sometimes have a tendecy to stick right to you, so right now everything is clearly outlined! EVERYTHING!

"OH SHI-" I yelled as I immediately dove into the tub. She saw everything didn't she?

"Ahem... Well... Now I know why humans keep their clothes on..." She muttered sheepishly. Fuck! She DID see everything! I sat as low in the water as possible with my back against the wall. This kind of awkward shit is the reason why I should have avoided this situation in the first place.

"Yeah...we don't..*gulp* exactly have...sheaths...." I said, averting my eyes.

"I noticed..." Celie said as she stared at her hoofs, flustered. Now it was REALLY awkward. After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Celestia cleared her throat.

"Well... I suppose its my turn.." She said as she started taking off her Royal regalia. Then she started walking over towards the end of the tub where there were stairs. As she was gracefully stepping into the water, I happened to remember something interesting.

Hey! Remember when Rarity got her hair wet? Hey hey! Remember how hot she looked?

Shut up brain...

No dude seriously! Look who else is going to get her hair wet!

SHUT UP BRAIN!

Just pay attention bro...

Celestia stepped fully into water with a satisfied sigh.

"When you first step in is always the best part!"

"Too bad I was forcefully thrown in..."

"Oh don't be that way..." Celestia said with a giggle as she came next to me. Hmm... Her hair isn't really wet yet... Let me...fix that...

*splash*

I used my hand to splash a bunch of water in her face. At first her hair stayed the same but a moment later it fell and covered her frowning face. Hmm... Ok... That wasn't as hot as I thought it would be... She looks like a wet mop! Although... Its still funny as hell! I started laughing and Celestia sighed in annoyance. Then... Something strange and awesome happened. Celestia flipped her hair and...holy shit....it was like the world slowed down just for that moment. That was the sexiest hair flip I've ever fucking seen! Like 11/10 sexy. That also includes all the fake ones from any movie or video game ever. That was 100% worth this awkward endeavor. Then time seemed to go back to normal and there she was staring at me.

"I just despise when my hair is wet..." She said with a frown. I just sat there with a drunken smile, blinking a few times and chuckling to myself. Then it was as if the entire mood and atmosphere of the room suddenly shifted. Celestia got this half lidded gaze that I couldn't avert my eyes from. Uh...What just happened?

"Oooh Deeerrick...." Celie called out to me. Then she made her way next to me and started rubbing against my side. Ok....




"Uhhhhhhh...." I said blankly as my heart started beating fast and I got nervous.

"You look a little tense honey..." she whipsered into my ear. Um... Not sure I like where this is going...

"No...I'm...fine..." I stuttered as I scooted away from her. Tia unfortunately wasn't having that shit, because she used her hoof to pin me to the pool wall. Ohhh no...

"You need to relax....." She said as she....sniffed me? No she put her nose right onto my chest and inhaled deeply with her nose. The fuck?

"Tia? What are you..." I started to say. Then I felt something wet roll up my cheek. Celestia was licking my fucking face! Is this bitch going to eat me or something? Apprantly my cheek tastes good!

"What the fuck?" I exclaimed as I tried to move away again but she effortlessly stopped me.

"I said...RELAX.." She repeated assertivly. Ok... Half of me is enjoying this and the other half of me is scared for my fucking life!

"How the fuck am I supposed relax when yo-WOAH!" I yelped as she changed positions. She wrapped her legs around me and held me firmly in place. Seriously what the FUCK got into her? Wait a second...what was that important event that was critical to my health again?

MATING SEASON!

...

Oh hell no!

"Alright I think that's enough messing around..." I said as I tried to push her away from me again with more force. Unfortunately that only made her squeeze tighter and rub closer, In fact she was so close, that she was firmly pressed up against my boxers. Yeah... If I wasn't excited before... Then I definitely am now!

"WOAH! WOAH! Slow down Princess!!" I cried out. Celestia frowned and backed away, still firmly pinning me.

"Don't you dare call me Princess! You shall address me as Tia...or Celie..." She said firmly. I gulped and nodded sheepishly. I've never been this turned on and scared at the same time in my entire life...

"Good boy..." She purred with a smile as she nuzzled my nose. Then that half lidded lustful gaze returned and she licked her lips.

"So...you and my sister participatetd in more naughty activities on top of Twilight Sparkle's balcony..."

"We didn't... Wait....how do you know?"

"Oh I know EVERYTHING that goes on in this Country.." Celestia said with a smirk. She backed off and let me go for a moment. She honestly didn't have to restrain me anymore, because I'm definitely not going anywhere now. She turned around and took a few steps away in the water.

"I also know about your obsession..."

"My WHAT?"

"You heard me..."

"Uh... I'm afraid I have no clue what you're talking about Tia..."

"Your obsession with my PLOT"

"..."

I was fucking speechless... Like seriously... How am I realisticly supposed to respond to something like that? She has me 100 percent figured out right now. She started to tease me by slowly swinging it back and forth in my face, her tail lightly brushing against my cheek. Oh my god....how do I even describe it? I've always wanted to see it up close....everything is just....just... WIN!

"I know you can't resist it... You love me too much..." She said with a giggle. Wait a second here let's pause... DJ loves what now?

"Uh...what?" I muttered innocently. Look love and list are too different things people. Celestia giggled and turned back around. Her wings suddenly perked up and spread open to her sides. Wow... She's a fucking Angel... But...uh...that smile is borderline creepy.

"Uh... Celie? What are you doing now?" I ask sheepishly, pressing against the pool wall nervously.

"What do you think I'm doing? Its the right season... And you are my mate..." She said with a giggle.

"..."

ERROR 404_derrick_mind.exe not found...

"H...u....h...?" I said blankly.

"You know... You still have a thing or two to learn about kissing..." She said as she held me tightly and got closer again.

"Uh...really?"

"Yes...." She said as she rubbed her lips against mine.

"I think you should teach me then..." I muttered, finally deciding to play along.

"Observe and take notes my mate..." Celestia whispered. Then she leaned in and frenched kissed the living crap out of me. Best...day....ever!

A few seconds later I started to feel strange... Like I was drowning... I blinked a few times before I felt a sinking feeling.

Suddenly my eyes shot open and I burst out of the water. I looked around and Celie was next to me looking concerned and confused.

"Are you ok?" She asked worriedly.

"Huh? What happened?" I asked as I sniffed and looked around.

"You got this strange look on your face, then you seemed to drift off into fantasy land, until you inadvertently slipped underwater." Celestia explained with a raised brow.

"I was... Day dreaming?" I murmured as I looked at my hands in disbelief. That shit was extremely vivid.

"Yes... Although I'm not sure why at this particular moment..." Celestia said with a shrug.

Damn... So... None of it was real? I didn't really kiss her? I'm not her mate?

"FUCK!" I exclaimed, surprising Celestia.

"What's wrong?"

"My day dream ended at the good part..." I said with a facepalm, staring into the water aimlessly, disappointed.

"What was the good part?" Celestia asked curiously. My eyes widened and my cheeks felt hot.

"Um..nothing..." I said with a nervous smile. Celestia stuck her lip out and rubbed against me.

"Oh come on....it was obviously something!"

"Seriously... You DON'T want to know..." I said, firmly shaking my head.

"I do want to know...otherwise I wouldn't be asking..." Celestia said with a deadpan expression.

"Ok....you CAN'T know...." I corrected.

"Why not? Whatever it was you seemed really... 'Excited' about it..." Celie quipped with a smirk. I jumped slightly when she said that. ...did she see? I don't think the water is clear enough...

"Look... I can't tell you...I just can't..." I said seriously. Tia pouted and scooted away from me.

"You're no fun..." She said with disappointment. Whatever Tia... I can't tell you that I was about to passionately mate with you in my day dream. That was definitely the sexist daydream I've ever had though! Hell, it even beats some of my regular dreams! Unfortunately I'm going to have to change the subject before Tia freaks out about my "excitement".

"Celie?"

"Yes Derrick?"

"Does this tub have bubbles?"

"Of course it does!" Tia said with a giggle. Her horn let up that orb on the ceiling again, which then immediately zapped the water. A few moments later the tub started bubbling up like I've seen human hot tubs do. Good, that'll hide my "excitement" from her!

"How the hell do you even do that?" I asked as she layed against the tub wall, sitting directly to my right.

"Oh it was a snap!" Tia said with a cheerful smile.

"Pfft...you can't even snap! You don't have fingers..." I scoffed as I snapped my fingers to demonstrate.

"Why of course I can!" Celie assured.

"Lie again..." I deadpanned.

*snap*

"The fuck?" I muttered, rubbing my ear to make sure I actually heard that.

*snap*

My eyes widened in horror, making Tia smirk.

"No...no....hell no..." I said vigorously shaking my head. Celie said nothing, she just slowly lifted her left hoof out of the water so I could see and flicked it.

*snap*

"No!" I said in outrage as I reached out for her hoof and grabbed it. Now studying it closely.

"Do it again"

*snap*

Wow... This bitch is over here snapping with no fingers! Definitely going on the list! No actually fuck the regular list! This goes on the ADVANCED bullshit list!

"Tia what the fuck!?" I said as I squeezed her hoof.

"What is so strange about this?" She wondered honestly. Then I started snapping repeatedly in her face.

"No....you can't! you can't do it! No! Just... No! Not fucking possible without fingers!" I sputtered with frustration.

"Oh just relax Derrick..." She said as she pushed me away with her hoof playfully. hearing her tell me to relax in real life makes me feel...funny.

"I can't stay in here too long or my skin will get all wrinkly" I muttered.

"That's fine... I was thinking we could get something to eat soon..." Celie muttered. I smiled until my stomach decided it was time to scream to the edge of the universe. Celestia giggled behind her hoof and I facepalmed.

"Yeah...I don't recall eating shit today..."

"I imagine that would taste awful..."

"What the hell do you- Oh ha ha, very funny..." I muttered. Folding my arms and scoffing. Celestia smirked, looking proud of herself as always.

"Why are you so cheeky?" I ask as I rested my head on the edge of the tub.

"Oh how I've tried to slim down..." Celestia muttered sarcastically as she rubbed her bottom. I slowly turned my head and deadpanned.

"I wasn't talking about your ass..."

"I know..." Celestia said with a smug grin. I blinked twice and stared at her. I noticed that her hair was starting to do its "flow in nonexistent wind" bullshit again. Hm... I wonder if can get her to do that sexy hair flip again. I put my hand on her shoulder, Stared her straight in the eye and...

*splash*

Her hair once again collapsed like a wet mop and covered her face. I proceeded to laugh my ass off. I made sure I kept my eyes open for this.

*sexy epic slow motion hair flip*

I sat back with that drunken smile again, almost drowning my dumbass again. Then I continued laughing when I saw her face.

"Why do you keep doing that?" She demanded with a frown.

"Because you look like a wet mop!" I said with a laugh making her grumble. Then she splashed water into my mouth, making me cough.

"Gak! Fuck!" I shouted. Then we gave each other the death stare. I lasted a couple seconds but you guys dont fucking understand. A death stare from Tia is like having your soul flash frozen then fucked by gay demons. Uh... Actually.... That's a bit extreme... Let's just go with bone chilling....yeah...not sure where that came from.




"Ok...let me get out before I start looking like a prune..." I muttered as I finally climbed out of the pool... I mean tub. I coughed and ran my hand through my wet hair. I seemed to forget that my damn boxers were outlining everything.

"Hey Celie, Do you have a towel?" I ask hopefully.

"Nope!" She said with an almost sinister smile as she gracefully exited the tub.

"Really? You dont have one? This is a hot tub!"

"They're hardly nessecary... My fur and mane usually dry quite fast, and my room is right around the corner..." Celestia explained.

"But...but...then...I'd have to... Walk out there.... Like this!" I said, nervously.

"You look fine to me..." Celie said with a giggle.

"That's exactly it! I don't want mares oggling at my....oh....you're nasty..."

"I have no clue what you're trying to imply..."

"You know damn well.... What would you say if I said you look fine?"

"I would say thank you!" Tia said as she nuzzled my cheek. I deadpanned and ignored her smug grin.

"Seriously I dont want to run around with next to nothing on! I'm not always naked like you!" I muttered with a nudge.

"I think you should try it sometime, you'll feel so free!" She said with a giggle.

"Oh I bet you would LOVE that..." I teased as I grabbed my bag and my clothes, which were still super soaked.

"Perhaps..." Celestia said with a wink that made the hair on my neck stand up. Calm down DJ....she's just playing around.... All that stuff that happened in that daydream was completely fake! Or....was it? No...don't think that way. Celestia found my scared reaction amusing. She simply waved me over to the door and I followed sheepishly.

"You'll be fine Derrick, my room is just down this..." She immediately stopped in her tracks, causing me to awkwardly bump into her rear.

"The fuck did you stop for?" I said as I walked out of the door staring at her. Then I turned forward and froze. There was a huge group of royal guards that suddenly stopped in front of us. Some of the girls in the group were drooling.... No...literally drooling!

"Brace your stomach..."

"Brace my wh-"

*zap*

A moment later we were in Celestia's room. I immediately deadpanned and stared at her.

"Why didn't you just teleport us in the first place?"

Before she could even answer my stomach wrenched and I had to sprint to the nearest trashcan.

"That's why..." Tia said with a cringe. I walked back feeling woozy and upset.

"Eww....I don't think I'll ever get used to that crap..." I said with disgust.

"It took me a few times to be honest with you..." Celestia said with a smile. Then both of us almost jumped when we heard this loud ass snore.

"The hell was th-" I started to say loudly before Celie swiftly rushed over and covered my mouth with her hoof. I looked at her like she was crazy until she gestured to her bed.

"Luna is asleep..." She whispered. I shrugged and looked at the bed again.

"Oh that's fucking adorable..." I said with a cheesy smile. Luna was sleeping on her back with her wings and legs spread out. Her right ear was folded back and her leg would twitch every few moments. To top it all off she seemed to be making out with or slobbering on this pillow or something. "Oh my.." Celie muttered as she held back a laugh.

"This is priceless! I have to take a picture of this shit!" I whispered as I quietly shuffled over to my bag and fished my phone out. Celestia looked somewhat confused but she watched as I turned my phone back on for the first time since I fucking got here. I saw the apple logo appear as I waited for it to start up. I feel like these fucking smart phones take ages to boot because you're not really supposed to cut them off. Once it started, I immediately went to the camera app.

"What are you doing?" Celie whispered as I slowly snuck onto the bed. "Saving this moment forever!" I said as I sat on my knees next to Luna. Then I started snapping away. After I got a few pictures I softly rolled off the bed and came back to Celie. "See? Pretty cool huh?" I said as I scrolled through the pictures. Celestia was completely dumbfounded.

"Its hard to believe such a small device is capable of this type of image quality!" She said as she stared at it in awe. This must be blowing her mind! I'm not sure what kind of camera tech they have, or what kind of image saving spells they might use, but whatever they are I assume its a bit behind.

"May i try?" She asked. I nodded and scooted next to her so she could see. I showed her the basics of the camera. "I'm not sure if your hoofs will work on the screen, but you press this button to take a picture" I explained. She nodded and slowly tapped the screen, and much to our delight it actually responded to Celestia's hoof and took a picture of the floor. "Ok sweet! Now, the floor is boring. If you press this button it will switch to the front camera..."

"Front camera? The device has Two lenses?"

"Yep! Its right here!" I said pointing to it. Celestia tilted her head slightly and looked confused.

"What is the purpose of the second lense?"

"To take selfies..."

"Selfies?"

"Look I'll show you..." I said as I quickly tapped the icon and flipped the camera. Then a live image of me and Celie (who looked completely mindblown) appeared.

"Oh hey there sexy!" I said with a wink. Celestia giggled, her cheeks turning a slight shade of red.

"Why thank you De-"

"I was talking about me! But don't worry Tia, you're almost as sexy as me!" I joked as I poked her muzzle. She responded by snorting and nipping at my finger.

"Let's take a selfie Tia" I said with a wide grin. she moved her face next to mine and smiled, then I took the picture. We looked pretty happy in that picture, It reminds me of those selfies that couples post on Instagram sometimes.

"Perfect..." Celie said with a warm smile.

"Yep...I like it!" I said, smiling back. Then Celestia got curious again.

"What does that button do?"

"This? That's to record videos..."

"Videos?"

"Yeah... Basically moving pictures with sound..."

"Ah yes..." Tia said with a nod. I figured they had some form of videos here.

"Yep...like this..." I said as I hit record.

"The is Princess Celestia, and she kicks ass and moves the sun and stuff"

"What?"

"I'm just saying random things for the hell of it..."

"Oh well in that case... Pizza..."

" Pizza? "

"Yes Pizza indeed..."

"I can agree with that!" I muttered with a shrug then a cut the video off. I made sure my volume wasn't to high and replayed the video. Celestia was blown away.

"This device is amazing!" She declared.

"Eh...its pretty neat I guess..."

"We should make more videos!" She said excitedly. I nodded and looked back toward Luna. Then an idea popped into my head. I started to smile devilishly.

"Hey Tia...would you happen to have a black marker?"

"Of course! But...why?" She asked after using her magic to fish out a black marker and she hoofed it too me.

"Oh no reason really...here... Come record me!" I said as I passed her the phone. She nodded hesitantly and came to the side of the bed. She hit the button and I heard the record tone play. Then I hopped onto the bed again and slowly crawled toward Luna.

"What are you doing!?" Celestia whispered loudly.

"Shh! I'll explain later!" I assured. Tia frowned but went back to recording. I took the cap off the marker and got closer. I'm about to jiggly puff the Fuck out of her face! I started off by drawing a moustache on her face. Just two simple and thick lines. Then I was going to give her a beard too but i looked back at Celestia and she was shaking her head in protest vigorously.

"Don't do that if you like your organs where they are!" She whispered bluntly. I immediately looked down at Luna in horror. Would she really do that to me? Do I want to find out? Hell no! I immediately tossed the marker away. Shit! She's going to kill me when she wakes up and sees this! Maybe I can wipe it off! I carefully grabbed the pillow she was holding and started using the Corner that was wet with her saliva to gently wipe the mustache off. To my surprise, it actually worked! Well kind of, It mostly just faded the ink.

I Dropped the pillow and decided it was a lost cause. To my horror Luna started moving in her sleep. She started feeling around for her missing pillow. I had to ninja place that shit back before she realized it was gone. I saw her smile and squeeze the pillow. I sighed with relief and slowly started to scoot away. Unfortunately Luna frowned and pushed the pillow away. What is she doi-OH FUCK!

She suddenly snatched me up and held me tightly. I let out a quiet yelp and tried to pull away. Unfortunately because, fuck you I'm an Alicorn, I was unable to get free. In fact every time I tried to get free she squeezed tighter.

Im fucked

I could see Celie at the corner of my eye looking fucking constipated, as she held her laughter in. What makes it worse is the fact that I'm pretty sure that she's still recording. Oh did I mention that this feels similar to that day dream? That certainly helps things right?

It pretty much only got worse from then on, because she wrapped her wings around me and smiled contently. Then as if that wasn't enough she started to mumble in her sleep.

"Yes... we art ready my love..." She muttered.

I whimpered loudly, making Celie laugh even harder. Thankfully she covered her mouth. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get away without waking her up. Then again Celestia was right about Luna being a heavy sleeper!

"We love thee..with all our heart and soul..." Luna  said sincerely, as she rubbed her cheek firmly against mine. Ok... I'm going to be honest and say if I wasn't being recorded right now I would probably enjoy this...aside from the bone crushing of course. "We will prove our love to thou..." She said. Tia and I had this "WTF" expression on our faces. Then she slowly licked my face, starting from my chin, all the way up. Seriously what the fuck! Her Tounge went into my mouth! Wait... That's kinda happened already but...that's not the point! Actually... I don't know what the point is.... What the fuck is she dreaming about anyway? She keeps fucking licking me and its starting to creep me out!

"Help me!" I cried out. Celie was laughing so hard that she was tearing up now. "Oh my god...bitch wake up!" I said with annoyance. My face was now completely damp with Luna's spit and she moved on to kissing me.

"Ok seriously help! I'm uncomfortable!"

"Oh NOW you're uncomfortable..." Celie teased.

"Yes I'm fucking uncomfortable! My bones are about to snap, I'm half naked and my face is covered in spit! Help!" I pleaded desperately. The spit and kissing aside, if she keeps this rubbing up I'm going to get a little too excited.

"Alright fine! Stop whining..." she said with a roll of her eyes. She gently used her magic to pry me free of Luna's titanium grip, quickly returning the pillow to replace me. Then she moved me next to her.

"Thank you!" I said with relief as I rubbed my back and winced slightly. "Why didn't you get me sooner?" I ask shooting Celestia an angry look. "Oh I simply couldn't! It was too adorable!" She said with a laugh. I realized that she was still standing there recording. "Gimme that!" I barked as I snatchedmy phone out of the air. I ended the recording and scoffed.

"I'm about to delete the shit out of this..."

"No please! Lets watch it first!" Celie pleaded. I sighed and went to the video and started playing it. It was way more embarrassing then I thought!

"Aww....you two look so cute..." Celie teased with a condescending tone as she pointed to me blushing in the video. I said nothing as I wiped my cheek with my free hand, then I used it to wipe Saliva all over Celie's smug mug. She gasped and started wiping her face with a horrified look. She lightly shoved me as I paused the video and started laughing. "Why would you do that??" She demanded as she scrunched her face up in disgust. "That's what you get for mocking me..." I said with a grin. Then I saw her wipe her face with a towel. I slowly turned to her with a dead expression.

"You.... said... You didn't have a towl..."

"I did....I did?"

" YES!"

"Well you never asked me if I could GET a towel...'

"..."

"Tehe!"

"Give me that fucking towl!"

"Say please...."

"What?"

"Say please and I'll give it to you..."

"*sigh* Can I use your towl please..."

"Hmm....I don't know...I have to think about it..." She said sarcastically.

"Tia please?" I ask again sincerely.

"Well...since you asked so nicely..." She said as she finally hoofed it over. I immediately used it to wipe the spit off of my face and hand. Then I sighed contenly. "Finally..." I said with relief as my face was mostly spit free. Celestia gave me an odd look .

"Aren't you going to say thank you?"

"Nah... Here's you're towel..." I quipped as I threw it in her face with a chuckle. I was about to walk away, but she snatched me and pinned me to the floor in a similar fashion to that day dream.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Uh...five paces left and...one pace right?"

"...you must be punished..."

"What are you going to do? Kiss me?" I said with a smirk. That seemed ti be a trend with me... Get pinned by a girl....then kiss her 

"That's hardly a punishment at all, you should feel honored that I'm even considering it..." She said in a non-serious tone.

"Oh whatever... I fucking dare you to do something..." I challaged.

"Oh how I love dares..." She said with a half lidded gaze as she drew closer. Holy crap....is she really about to-

*lick*

"....you Fucking FUCK!" I yelled loudly, As I squeezed away from her holding my cheek. She fucking licked me! She was laughing her ass off like there was no tomorrow. Ok bitch! Let's see how you like it! I pounced on her and lightly licked her cheek. Yeah... I wasn't fucking thinking in case you didn't notice...

"Aahhhck! Fucking fur in my mouth!" I said as I desperately tried to wipe it off my tounge. Celestia's shocked and confused expression shifted to laughter. After I got the bullshit off my tounge I couldn't help but laugh with her.

"Hey Celie?"

"Yes?"

"Why the hell are we licking each other?"

"I don't know Derrick....I really I don't know..."

"I think that makes us weird..."

"I suppose we are weird for that..."

"Luna is too, since she apprantly licks people in her sleep..."

"Pretty much the weirdest..."

We both laughed again until a knock came at the door. "I would totally be a gentlemen and answer that but...I'm kinda... Mostly naked....soo..." I muttered. Celie just grinned and shook her head. She walked across the room to the door and cracked it open. I couldn't see who it was nore could I hear what they were saying, but my question was answered when she closed the door and came back carrying what appeared to be a tray filled with assorted drinks.

"The Royal chef wants to know what he should prepare for dinner..." Celie said as she set the tray down on the dresser next to her bed. I grabbed my phone and walked toward the left side of her massive bed where she was now laying. There really was a good mix of drinks. There... Were some juices, something that looked like soda, tea and...is that wine?

"You drink wine?" I ask, genuinely surprised.

"Yes I do enjoy alcoholic beverages from time to time. What about you?"

"Well...I told you what I did at the last Pinkie party I was at..."

"If I recall correctly you broke Twilight's table, zapped someponie's horn, caused somepony to faint, and of course we can't forget you kissed my sister as well..." She muttered. I detected a hint of jealousy on the last part so I started chuckling in her face.

"Awww... Somepony looks jealous!" I teased.

"N..no..." She said, averting her eyes, trying her best not to look guilty.

"Oh my gosh you're totally jealous!" I said laughing harder. Then I made the kissy face and started making smooching noises.

"..."

"Aww.... If you wanted a kiss from me you could have just-ACK!" Tia pushed my face away with a hoof, making me fall off the bed.

"I am NOT..." She Stated firmly with a frown.

"Sure you're not..." I quipped with a smug grin. She narrowed her eyes and got this serious expression. Then she started crawling toward me.

"First of all..   I am NOT jealous...second... if I wanted a kiss from you, the solution would be simple..." She said cripticly as she crawled over to me. I tried to keep a straight face as I layed on my back with my hands at my sides. Then she positioned herself over me. Was that daydream some sort of weird ass prediction of the future? Because I'm feeling ....a certain way right now... An awkward kinda way...

"If I want a kiss from you...I'll simply take it..." She stated firmly.

"Wait what?" I said, my heart skipping a beat. She got about an inch away from my face. "If I want a kiss I will simply take it..." She repeat at a whisper. We stared into each others eyes for a moment but she suddenly moved her head and stepped away all together.

"But...I'm too hungry to do that right now!" She said with an innocent smile. I stood up, sighed, and rolled my eyes. Celestia is a fucking tease! I'm seriously disappointed! However, I can agree with her because I'm hungry as fuck too. Celie magiced up a small scroll and quill, then began to write.

"The chef wanted me to send him a note regarding what we want to eat..." She muttered.

"We?"

"Yes we! Aren't you hungry?"

"Yeah but...I think I left my money back at Twilight's"

"So?"

"So...that means I'm not eating..."

"Oh its fine Derrick..."

"Nah...You and your face licking sibling over there, have done too much for me! I don't really like getting stuff for free..." I muttered. Celestia got an annoyed expression as she stopped writing.

"If it really bothers you so much, you can simply repay me in another way..."

"What other way?"

"I'll have to think of something..."

"Hmm...ok...in that case I'll have a pizza..."

"What toppings?"

"Bacon, steak, pepperoni..." I started to say but Celestia gave me this blank look. Oh right... They're all hippies...

"Uh...I mean I'll have spinach..." I mumbled feeling a bit saddened. Celestia nodded and started writing again. The aroma from that tea hit my nose at that moment. Whatever it was it smelled pretty nice, but tea isn't really my cup of tea.... Yep I did say that...deal with it.

*sniff*

Celestia and I stood alert... What the fuck was that? I was about to stand up but I realized the sound came from Luna. She sniffed the air a few times then rolled over. I'm guessing she can smell the tea. Suddenly Luna's eyes shot wide open.

"MINE!" She shouted as she soared into the air, landing off the bed next to us. She immediately snatched the cup of tea off of the tray of drinks without spilling it. She took a sip from it and then had some sort of orgasmic sigh. Ok then...

"Good afternoon sister..."

"Good afternoon Tia! This tea was brewed to perfection!"

"That was mine..."

"Well now thy tea belongs to me...Tia" She said with a smug grin. Celie shook her head and continued writing the letter. Sheesh! Is she ordering a buffet? I just want a pizza!

"*sniff* hmm... What is that smell? It smells somewhat like..." She said trailing off as she looked around the room. Huh...she must be half asleep or something, she looked everywhere except for where I was.

"Sup!" I said with a smirk. Luna gasped, almost dropping her tea, finally realizing my presence on the bed. "Derrick? Is that you?" She said. "No its some other human..." I said with a deadpan expression. She ignored my quip and instead stared me up and down. Oh right, Half naked...

"Take a picture... It lasts longer..." I said sarcastically as I tried to cover my face..."

"Sister! Where is the Royal camera!" Luna called out, making me facepalm. Then Celestia dragged her sister over and whispered into her ear.

...

"Luna stop it! Before he realizes his clothes are dry!"

"How did you even get him to undress?"

"I pushed him in the hot tub..."

"YOU WHAT?"

"Shh...keep your voice down!"

"Were you the one that caused his erotic daydream?"

"What erotic daydream?"

"Oh sister I have much to tell thee.."

"Another time...Cadance told me that He's gone through a change recently... Help me find out what exactly. I think I know what it is but, I want him to say it!"

"Very well sister...one last thing... Did you see it?"

"See what?"

"IT?"

"Oh...n..no... At least not fully..."

"Hmm... How disappointing..."

"Oh stop it Lulu..."

...

My only clue as to what they're talking about is the fact that Luna hasn't taken her eyes off of my boxers yet soo...

"Just so you know... I can hear everything you just said..." I muttered with a mischievous smile. That made both of them stop talking and stare at me wide eyed.

"Really?" Luna asked sheepishly.

"No..."

That made  them both frown and, I laughed hysterically. That's probably an indication that it WAS about me. They're really adorable when their ears fold back like that! Their just 2 big snuggly bunies.... 2 very cute snuggly bunnies....2 very... SEXY snuggly bunnies... Aaaand I fucked up the analogy didn't I? God what's wrong with me? I shrugged and walked over to them, taking a large cup of water off of the tray.

"Hey, my eyes are up here Luna..."

"Oh...I...apologize ..." She said nervously, her sister facehoofed next to her.

Then I sat back down in my previous position and took a sip from my cup. Just then another knock came at the door. Luna trotted up to it to answer. I had a sinking feeling because I'm pretty sure the black marker was still on her face. Then my brain was all like "dude...that plot!" So I couldn't help but look of course. The second I did, I could feel someone's gaze burning the side of my cheek. Then I slowly turned to see Celestia staring at me.

CAUGHT!

"That's not where her eyes are..." She said with a smug grin. I just turned away and tried not to look guilty. But of course that never actually works out. Luna answed the door and handed the pony the note for the chef, then the pony at the door whispered something that made Luna's ear twitch. She quietly slammed the door and stood there for a few moments. She slowly turned with this darkened expression.

"Who.... defiled our face with ink?" She asked calmly.

"It was all his idea..." Tia said as she pointed to me causally. Then she pulled a book out of her drawer, laid back and started reading. Why! Celie why?

"You have 1.5 seconds Derrick..."

"I have 1 point wha-"

She came at me so fast...I was legitimaly worried for my life! Somewhere along the lines the large cup of water I had got tossed into the air, spilling all over Luna's face. She sat there over me for a couple seconds frowning at me. I was on my back, trying to scoot away from her wrath. Then her hair suddenly went wet mop mode and drooped down to cover her face. Yeah...I can't take her seriously right now...

"Bwhahaha!"

Then...she flipped her hair. Holy shit..guys? I think sexy runs in the family!

"Prepare for thy punishment mortal..." She said as she pinned me to the bed. You know what? I need to train seriously... Maybe one day I'll be able to pin THEM.

"Sister?"

"Yes Lulu?"

"Did I tell thee that our human friend here is... TICKLISH?" She said as an evil smile slowly worked its way onto her face. Oh no. Oh nonononono!

"Really?" Celestia said as she Immediately closed the book she was reading.

"Yes... Our human stud is quite ticklish..." Luna said with a bite of her lip. Did she just call me a stud? What the fuck?

"Hmm...well you know what must be done then..." Celestia said as she crawled across the bed, sharing the same evil expression with her sister.

"Ok. OK. I'm sorry! Seriously! I beg you! Please don't fucking do it!" I whimpered.

"Oh its too late for that mortal..." Luna said with a shake of her head.

"I'm not sure sister... Perhaps we could cut the mortal some slack..." Celestia said, playing along now.

"Yes...perhaps... We could show thee mercy... On 3 conditions..."

"3 conditions? Fuck that bullsh-"

*tickle*

"AAAAH! Ok ok! What are the conditions?!" I said with a tear in my eye.

"First tell us what belief of yours hath changed recently..." Celestia said, marking the first time I've heard her use old English... That sounds kinda hot, she should do that more often..  

"Changed? Nothing really changed about me...oh wait..." I said as I took a deep breath and sat there flustered.

"Well? We are waiting mortal..."

"Uh...so you remember how I was all... anti-mare when I got here?"

"Yes...we remember thine statement mortal..." Celestia said with a nod.

"Well....that sorta went...bye bye..." I said with a nervous smile. Celestia and Luna looked at each other for a few seconds. Then that evil smile of theirs got even more... evil.

"Well...it is about time thy realized thine true orientation..." Celestia said.

"That... changes things..." Luna said as she rubbed her chin. Then she smiled when she got idea.

"For the second condition, Thou must proof thine new outlook by kissing our sister!" Luna ordered.
...

"Huh?"

"The Royal sisters share everything... Prove thine statement by kissing her... like you kissed me..." Luna demanded. This little roleplay or whatever the fuck it is, just got reaaaaly awkward.

"What are you waiting for mortal.... Thy heard our demands..." Luna said with a smirk. I swollowed hard and they let me go allowing me to sit up. I looked at Celestia who was patiently awaiting my kiss. I took a deep breath and scooted over to her. Then I gave her a light peck on the lips. Yeah...I think I might have pissed them both off...

"NO! Our sister deserves a REAL kiss! Use thine skill!" Luna said with a frown. Celestia just looked at me with a face that screamed "Really? That's the best you can do?" Fuck I feel like Soarin at that sleepover now. Ok Derrick.... This is easy... Remember what Nike taught you...

Just do it!

I Grabbed her and pulled her close to me, then our lips met... For real this time.... and I have to say that it was way better then my daydream... By a long shot! As we kissed, Celestia rolled onto her back and we held each other tightly. Now on top of her, we tasted each others mouths and had an intimate battle with our toungs. We kissed for so long, that we had to break apart so we could breath.

"There...now was that so hard?" Luna said with a giggle as she looked between us. Celestia and I were completely speechless, we stayed there in that embrace, gazing into each others half lidded eyes breathing heavily.

"Tia?" Luna called out.

"He....he has proven his new....orientation..." Celestia said in between breaths.

"Indeed... We agree sister..." Luna said. I finally let Celie go and just sat in between them.

"Now mortal... Thy third trial is"

*knock knock*

...

"Is that the pizza?" I asked suddenly taken out of my....awkward state.

"Your Highness? the pizza you wanted?" Someone said on the other side of the door.

"Oh fuck you guys!"

I immediately sprung out of the bed and took off to the door, much to Luna and Tia's surprise. I opened the door and there was a Royal Unicorn guard that i didn't know standing there with 3 boxes and some other shit I don't care about. The guy looked completely dumbfounded.

"That's the pizza right?" I asked bluntly as I pointed to the three boxes.

"Uh...yea-"

"Sweet..." I said as I grabbed them, then used my magic to grab everything else.

"Thanks bruh..." I muttered as I closed the door. And walked back to the bed with all the shit. I set it all down, then wrenched open one of the pizza boxes and started chomping away, almost burning my fucking tounge. Spinich isn't that bad on pizza... I still would have prefered a meat lovers.

"What? Don't look at me like that! I haven't eaten all day!" I muttered with a frown as I looked to the Royal sisters. Celestia sat up finally and sighed with a facehoof, while Luna sat there with her mouth gapping.

"You're eating mine!" She said angrily as she pointed at me accusingly.

"Damn that sucks..." I said uncaringly as I grabbed another slice.

"Give it to me!"

"Nah you're good..."

"I will take it from thine hands!"

"I would love to see you try..." I scoffed. Luna immediately charged at me. Little did she know that I learned a neat trick today. I created a barrier around myself that Luna comically bounced off of. Celie and I lost our shit immediately.

"I bet you didn't expect that!" I said with a smug grin as I grabbed another slice. Luna rubbed her forehead and glared daggers at me. Then she suddenly started smiling her ass off. What's so funny? Then she turned into that weird blue mist from earlier. The mist went through my shield like it was nothing then solidified to reveal a smirking Luna. Now she's inside the bubble with me. I almost dropped all of the pizza.

"I bet you failed to foresee THAT!"

...

"Shit...."
> Act 5 part 3: Awkward Hangout
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 5 part 3: Awkward Hangout

"You want to take another? Seriously?" I ask in annoyance, as Luna nodded with a smile. I sighed and handed her my phone again. She's been taking selfies with it for the past 10 minutes and I'm starting to worry if my cellphone is corrupting her mind like it corrupted so many others. I'm sure all you selfie maniacs know what I'm talking about, nothing personal.

"Tia! You must try this!" She said as she poked her sister, who was reading some book and enjoying some pizza.

"Not now Luna..." She said, completely emmersed in her book. I'm a little curious about what she's reading, but I won't ask.

"Ok Luna that's enough selfies for today..." I said, raising my hand to receive my phone. She stuck her lip out in protest but gave me the phone anyway. I immediately went to the gallery and grimaced.

"What? Are the pictures of my face revolting?" Luna said, her ears slowly drooping.

"Hell no! I like them.... But..."

"But?"

"You didn't have to take 78 selfies! Especially when half of them look the same..." I muttered with a frown..

"Oh...we apologize..." Luna said with slight embarrassment.

"Pick one to keep. This phone's storage is not infinite..." I muttered. She looked slightly downcast but she complied and picked one picture, then deleted the rest. Then we both looked at Celestia again, she seemed to be in another world while she was reading that book, like Luna and I weren't even here. Ok I'm curious now!

"Celie? What are you reading?"

"..."

"Celie?"

"..."

"Earth to Celie?"

"Oh! Yes Derrick?"

"What are you reading?"

She put a magical book mark on her current page and hoofed me the book. The cover art was of two ponies cuddling and the title was "69 Shades of Gray". I read the title a few more times in my head, you know....just to make sure I read that correctly. Then I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn't seeing things. My eyes suddenly widened and I flipped to a random page in the book. I read a few lines then gasped out loud. I immediately slammed the book shut and my cheeks felt hot.

" Celie you're..... You're a fucking perv!" I shout pushing the book away.

"What made you come to this conclusion?" She asked, not looking ashamed at all.

"That fucking book! It's basically porn!". Celestia simply shrugged uncaringly. Luna then looked at me like I was crazy. She doesn't believe me.

"What? I swear! Read this shit!" I said, quickly snatching the book and shoving it in Luna's face. She rolled her eyes and grabbed the book with her magic.

"Go to page 117"

"Ok... But I'm sure it is not as bad as you are describing..."

...

"SISTER!" Luna said with a loud gasp as she closed the book.

"See? Didn't I tell you!"

"Sister....I didn't know you were into that sort of... literature..." Luna said as she snickered behind her hoof. Celestia grabbed the book again and shrugged. She has no shame whatsoever, she looks like she doesn't give less of a fuck about what we think right now. I guess that's what happens when you're over 1000 years old.

"Don't pretend like this book didn't originally belong to you..." Celestia said with a straight face. Luna's laughter immediately ceased and I swear her fur color was literally red. I slowly turned to her in shock, my mouth completely agape.

"So you're BOTH pervs..." I corrected as I now looked at both of them differently. They sat there in silence, Celestia with her uncaring stoic expression and Luna who looked like she was going to burst.

"Don't get any funny ideas from that book Tia..." I added with a grin. Luna's embarrassment immediately faded and she lost her shit again. Celestia said nothing and gazed at her little sister. Then a moment later something seemed to click in her head, and she smirked.

"I'm afraid Luna is far more experienced in that regard. Remind me how extinsive the damage to Macintosh's pelvis was?" Celestia said without a flinch.




"..."




"Ooooooooooooooh.... shit!"




Ok.... Mac never told me it got THAT bad during last year's season.

"Burn..." I whispered as the room fell silent. Luna frowned and immediately sat up on the bed. The air in the room seemed to suddenly get cold and I started to shiver.

"Is it cold in here, or is it just me?"

"Are we really starting this conversation Tia?"

"Girls?"

"Yes, we are starting this conversation Luna..."

"Girrrrls?"

"Well I'd rather be experienced than not at all..."

"Goddammit they're ignoring me!"

"Please elaborate sister... I'm all ears..."

"I bet I could say anything right now..."

"Oh you know very well what I am referring too!"

"You both suck large hairy cocks..."

"I'm afraid my memory of the subject is quite faded, please remimd me!"

"Yep. I'm just going to shut up now..."

"You know that you haven't had the pleasure of rutting Tia..."

"Oh THAT subject again! Unlike you, I can control my animalistic urges and desires of being rutted!"

"That is the same excuse as last time! It is not that I can't control my urges sister, I simply choose not to. Why go through the season alone, when there are so many willing stallions?"

"Hmm...well...if you're so in control of your euterous Luna, I bet you couldn't go through this years season without rutting!"

"Fine! It will be easy! But only if you agree to find a mate this time around, like every other mare and let them rutt you!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

...

Um...what the fuck did I just witness? Like did they seriously have that conversation in front of me? It's like I disappear when they argue! Despite how strange that was, I learned some...interesting things.

1) Celestia is a virgin

2) Luna can't control her urges and is extremely rough

3) Neither of them can resist a bet, no matter how ridiculous it is

Now their just sitting there giving each other the evil eye, I decided to say something in an attempt to break up this strange fued.

"You're both still total perverts regardless...." I muttered jokingly. They both suddenly glared daggers at me. Uh... I think I should rephrase that sentence, before my skeletal structure gets unnaturally rearranged by hooves and painful magic.

"Uh...I ment.... you're both.......um...fuck it!" I said as I gave up and went back to my casual position, leaning against the large fancy golden bed post in between the sisters. I could feel them staring at me so I tried to do random shit on my phone to help me ignore them. You know those times when you scroll through useless shit, because either someone nosey is watching you or you're really bored. I was scrolling through some random folder of pictures simply labeled "P". I didn't really think about it at the time.

"So Derrick....how sexualy active were you on your world?" Luna asks bluntly.

"Um...that's classified..." I muttered nervously, as I continued scrolling through the folder.

"Why?"

"Because thats...private information..."

"I'm asking how often you use your privates, so technically you're correct..."

"Uh..." I muttered sheepishly. Then I felt the sisters gaze drift away from me.

"Is that...a human female?" Celestia suddenly chimed in. I immediately froze in place. My eyes focused on what was on my phone screen. Yeah...um...let's just say it was a really hot girl that may or many not have had her clothes off. I think I figured out why I labeled this folder with a "P".

"Ok! That's enough of the camera app!" I blurted out as the sisters start to laugh. My cheeks are on fire and I can't bring myself to look at either of them.

"So...who's the pervert NOW?" Celestia teased as she nudged my side. I didn't have to look at her to know that she had her signature smug grin. Luna was now more curious then ever about the subject.

"Was that female... Attractive to you?" She asked curiously as she rubbed against my left side.

"No Luna.... I just keep a picture of an ugly girl on my phone, because I totally get off to that!" I said with so much sarcasm, that I swear I could feel some overflowing from my mouth. Celestia giggled and Luna pressed on.

"What feature about her makes her attractive?" She asked. Why...the fuck....is...she...asking....me this?!

"Was it her face? Her curves? Her large bre-"

"Oh SHIT! A FUCKING SPIDER!!" I suddenly yelled. Than I bumped the back of my head against the bed post trying to get away. It was one of those ninja motherfuckers, that use their silk to hang from the ceiling and land on your fucking face. Celestia grabbed the spider in a small magical barrier and teleported it away, leaving me hyperventilating with a painful bump on my head. The sisters shared a puzzled look then started to snicker.

" You're arachnophobic? How cute..." Celie said.

"You're a virgin? How cute..." I shot back. Yeah that shut her shit up quick.

"And you're not?" Luna asked with a raised brow. I frowned and slowly turned to her.

"No I'm not..." I grumbled.

"Don't give me that look Derrick, I asked you already and you refused to answer..."

"Whatever! Now you know!" I said, folding my arms and laying my head back against the bed rest, wincing slightly from when I bumped my head. Luna smiled wide and nudged me again.

"How many times?"

"No."

"No?"

" I'm not telling you!"

"Oh come on Derrick its just a number!"

"F...five..."

"Five??? Huh..."

"What?"

"That's more then me..." Luna said as she looked away briefly. Celestia then narrowed her eyes and looked at me suspiciously.

"But...you said your dates didn't go well..." She pouted slightly.

"Yeah...they were horrible...but I did have friends..." I mumbled with a shrug. Luna and Celestia looked completely lost.

"Oh...uh...back home we have friends with benefits..." I said as I poked two fingers together nervously.

"Is it what I think it is?" Celie asked.

"Yeah pretty much...apprantly I'm hot or something... So it always ends up like that with my female friends..." I explained.

"Interesting..." Luna said to herself with a mischievous smile. I lightly flicked her ear and she whimpered slightly and gave me puppy eyes. Oh their just adorable!

"Honestly... I feel like that's happening here..." I whispered to myself as I observed how close the sister were to me. Celestia was tightly snuggled to my right with the back of her head resting on my shoulder and Luna was on my left gently resting her head in my lap. I could feel their steady breaths and heart beats calm me down. I sighed happily and sat there. This is awesome!

"Hey, want to see what else my phone can do?" I said with a relaxed tone.

"Sure!"

"Can we take more selfies?"

"No Luna..."

"Please?'

" No you're going to wear my camera lens out..."

"Really?"

"No"

"Just one last picture? Of the the 3 of us?" Luna begged. She gave me those puppy eyes again and I sighed and shook my head.

"Alright fine you damn adorable horse..."

"Im adorable too..." Celie pointed out.

"Yes...yes you are...fabulous."

"What? We art just as fabulous as our sister!"

"No... you're adorable."

"Wait wait hold on... Am I adorable or fabulous?"

"Just shut up and smile tia..." I muttered, giving their necks a slight pinch. They tried to nip at me but I just flicked their muzzles and they pouted. Like I said...big adorable...sexy...fabulous cats. I cleared my throat and stuck my arm out. They moved closer to me then we all put on a genuine smile. I took the picture and we all looked at it. Damn...could have used my magic to take the picture but...

"That turned out pretty good!" I said with a smirk.

"Perfect!" Tia said with a nod.

"I love it!" Luna agreed.

"I really like that picture! I'm going to make it my wallpaper..." I said as I pressed the appropriate buttons.

"Wallpaper?" Luna questioned.

"The picture that shows up in the background, like this" I said as I hit the home button and showed them.

"Hmm...fascinating... What was the image before?" Celie asked.

"I honestly dont remember..." I muttered truthfully, making Luna snicker.

"So what now?" Luna asked as she idly rubbed my chest. It took her a while to realize what she was doing but she eventually stared up at me with her ears folded.

"Is something wrong?"

"N...no..." I said with a shake of my head. I mostly didn't mind because I realized that I'd been idly running my right hand through Celestia's mane, and she was enjoying every second of it, purring with each stroak.

"I guess I can show you my music..." I said as I stopped touching Celestia's hair, she pouted in disappointment.

"Music?" This device has music?" Luna said, her ears perking up.

"Yep!" I confirmed as I went to my music app. I wasn't really an avid music person though. I mostly listen to dubstep and it's various forms. My favorite type of music is the kind that makes you just...chill...you know? I doubt that they really have dubstep in Equestria though.

I turned up my volume and hit shuffle. Celestia and Luna sat up when the song started playing. After a few seconds I smacked the fuck out of my forehead.

"What? What's wrong?" Tia questioned.

"This song... Is probably the worst song that could have come up right now..." I said, gritting my teeth.

"Why? I've never heard music like this before... So far I like it..." Luna said with a grin.

"The song is called 'Magical World' by Bassnecter...and guess what? I'm in a magical world..." I grumbled.

"How ironic..." Celie said with a snicker. We listened to the music and relaxed for a bit. A few more random songs played before I eventually stopped.

"Why did you stop? I like that song!" Luna huffed.

"Because it's making me sleepy and my battery is probably going to die."

"Your battery? Ah yes... I remember what you said about the device's limited supply of power.." Celie muttered. I shrugged and looked at the battery gauge.

100%

...

"What the actual fuck?" I said in genuine confusion.

"It appears to have worked sister..." Tia said.

"Yes sister indeed it has..." Luna said with a knowing smile.

"What worked? What are you talking about?" I asked frantically. The sisters said nothing, they just smiled at me.

"Y...you did this?"

"Correct!"

"How?"

"Oh I simply channeled some magic into the device earlier, to see if it was an acceptable power source."

"You did? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to get your hopes up, in case it didn't work.." Tia said with a grin.

"So...I can charge my phone by channeling magic into it?"

"It appears so!" She said beaming happily. Fuck yes!

"You are... AWESOME!" I said with joy as I grabbed her by the cheeks, scrunching them up and making her lips puff up. Then I gave her a kiss.

"Thank you! But... Never do that shit again..." I said with my smile fading slightly.

"Why not? Celie asked curiously, still rubbing her cheeks that were tender from me holding them so tightly. Shut up you nasty fucks, I was talking about her face! Get your mind out of the gutter.

"Because what if my phone DIDN'T accept the magic, and just ended up.... spontaneously combusting?"

"Oh...I see..." Tia said with a giggle.

"So we get to listen to more music?" Luna said hopefully.

"Nope! Even better! Now that battery life isn't an issue, we can watch a movie!" I said happily.

"Movies?" The sisters said with raised brows.

"Its basically like those videos we made, except higher quality and a lot longer." I said as I went to my movie collection. I have a decent sized collection of movies, taking up a majority of the space on my phone.

"How long are these... movies?" Luna said with a worried face.

"Like an hour and a half or longer, it depends. Why?"

"I may not be able to watch it with you, because I must visit Ponyville soon..."

"Why? Oh yeah...your nightmare night thing..." I said, feeling slightly downcast because she might miss the movie.

"Then again... I'm not sure if you two would even be interested in the type of movies I watch anyways..." I said as I scrolled through them.

"Well I'm not sure what kind of movies there are..." Celie said with a shrug.

"Well just pick your favorite type of book first..."

"Why?" Luna questioned.

"Well because a lot of movies are based off of books anyway. So that's a good start..." I explained.

"Well ok then... In that case...."

" I don't have any porn movies.... Sorry Celie..." I teased, making her sister snicker. She gave me a stern look.

"Say one more joke about that.... I implore you..." She said with narrowed eyes.

"You know... They do have this human movie called 50 shades of...never mind" I muttered as I started roaring with laughter.

"You have been warned. I will not hold back on my revenge..." Celie said with narrowed eyes. I scoffed and rolled my eyes. I'll probably regret that later but oh well. The girls looks like they made up there minds on their favorite Genres.

"Hm...I like Horror, Romance and Suspense." Luna announced. I sighed and shook my head.

"I like Romance, Comedy and I enjoy the occasional action story from time to time..." Tia stated.

"Of course you like action... I bet there was a lot of action in that book of yours..." I teased.

"I will have no mercy Derrick....NONE!" Tia said cripticly. I ignored her and frowned at my movie list.

"Well majority of my library is loud action movies.... Most being Sci-fi..." I said with disappointment.

"Sci-fi?"

"Science fiction... "

"What is that?"

"Judging from how interested you two were in my phone, I think you'll like some of these... I said as I scrolled through. Then I stopped on one movie and pursed my lips.

"Want to watch a movie about a fictional alien invasion? It has a little bit of what you guys said you liked... " They both looked at each other and shrugged.

"Sure! I'm eager to see if these movies are more entertaining than books ...and I do try to keep an open mind..." Celie said. Luna nodded in agreement.

"I think they are, It's rated PG - 13... are you cool with that?"

"And he assumes we know what that means..." Luna muttered with a deadpan expression.

"Parent guidance for ages 13 and under..."

"..."

"How old do you think we are Derrick?"

"I was joking..."

"Thy should look at thine self..."

"Pfft! Bitch please! I'm a grown ass man!" I said with a chuckle.

"Hmm...indeed..." Luna said with a smirk as she squeezed my arm with a half lidded expression. Chill out there...

"Alright the movie is called Edge of Tomorrow... I've only seen it once...but you tend to catch things you didn't notice the first time when you watch it again."

"Ok get comfortable..." I said as I hit play. The beginning credits started to roll and those news broadcasts talking about the invasion started playing.

"Wow!"

"Its amazing!"

"Huh?"

"This movie is incredible!"

"We agree sister.."

"..."

"Why did you pause the movie Derrick?"

"Yes! What is the meaning of this?"

"....it hasent even been THREE MINUTES yet... .." I muttered as I hit play. The movie went on to the point where the humans were gearing up to storm the beach. This time Luna paused the movie.

"Derrick? When will we get to see these 'Mimics' they speak of?"

"Yes I was wondering the same thing...they seem to be causing quite a bit of trouble on your world."

"Maybe if you would stop pausing the fucking movie, we would get to see them!" I snapped as I tapped the screen and unpaused it. The sisters pouted but stayed quiet. They were now loading up the dropships and other vehicles. And of course Celie felt the need to pause the damn movie again.

"Before you get upset with me... I think I understand why the genre of this movie is science fiction, but just how much of this human technology is real?" She asked. I supressed my rage because that was a legitimate question.

"Well I'd say everything except for the Exo-suits and holograms..." I muttered.

"Really? So you have giant metal beasts that roll on wheels and even larger ones that take to the sky?" Luna questions. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, I don't think I've explained cars and aircraft to them yet.

"The small ones with wheels are called cars. The flying ones are airplanes and this specific type is called a VTOL." I explained.

"And these types of things are your transportation?" Celie inquired.

"Yep...we don't have a carriage carried by pegasus... We have helicopters!" I said with a grin.

"Your transportation looks quite intimidating..." Luna muttered sheepishly.

"These are military vehicles, there supposed to look scary.... " I quipped.

"These aircraft remind me of our airship fleet..." Celie muttered. That statement got my attention.

"You guys have airships?!" I ask excitedly. I always thought they were pretty neat, seeing them in the fantasy games I play when I'm not shooting something.

"Yes of course! How do you think we fly long distances? Or overseas?" Celestia said with a raised brow.

"Huh...I guess I never thought about it... You have to let me ride an airship one day though..." I said with a hopeful grin.

"I'll contact you on my next overseas trip..." Celie assured. Yes! Riding an airship would be badass! I wonder what Equestrian ones look like?

I hit play again and it started to approach the initial beach invasion scene. I'm worried about how they're going to take this. This is their first movie.... EVER... and I was showing one depicting a depressing war with humor in between. Then again they are over 1000 years old, so I'm assuming that they've seen worse shit in their lifetime. Regardless, I'd say that most people are desensitized to violence and death because of media. My suspicions were confirmed back home when the first action scene started. If you haven't seen the movie yet... well... This is where the shit hits the fan.

Celestia and Luna went dead silent once the action started. No questions, no pausing, no comments. I could feel their heart beats rise and they started to cuddle me tighter. The look on their faces was completely blank. Then they surprised me again by staying quiet for the ENTIRE MOVIE. They laughed lightly on some of the funny parts, gasped and jumped, squeezing me tightly on the suspenseful parts. They were completely emmersed and engrossed in the movie until the end credits rolled.

"So...what did you think?"

"..."

"Girls?"

"Human media...is truly amazing... Thank you for sharing this with us Derrick..." Celestia said with sparkling eyes.

"I...I wish to share this with everypony..." Luna said with a similar star struck look.

"Uh...ok... What did you think of the actual movie" I muttered as I locked my phone and let it rest against my chest.

"I fear for Equestria's soldiers if we ever had to face an army of mimics..." Celestia said with a cringe.

"Especially with their ability to reset the day... We would be doomed..." Luna added.

"Maybe... I'd say you have better odds then a human army... You guys have all kinds of crazy magic bullshit to help you..."

"Perhaps... But Unicorns only make up 1/3 of the Royal guard... And we lack good ranged weapons and those... Suits..." Luna pointed out.

"This is near future stuff for humans... We don't have exo suits yet... At least not that good yet"

"But you have guns... Despite the Mimic's lethality at close range, it seemed like your weapons made short work of them..." Celestia said.

"Yeah but... Holy shit....its your first movie and your already over analyzing shit..." I said with a laugh, The sisters joining me shortly after.

I was beginning to get a little drowsy. Luna started looking sad as she stood up.

"I'm afraid I must get ready to depart to Ponyville..." Luna said, walking towards the bathroom to freshen up. Celestia sighed and looked at me with a more serious expression.

"Derrick? Have you thought about your future in Equestria?" She asked. I blinked a few times and layed my head back, staring at the ceiling. I've never looked up in here... There's a beautiful painting of the sun on it.

"Well...not really honestly... I'm a bit shortsighted..."

"Hmm...I noticed.." Celie said with a warm smile.

"Well...I did have some sort of plan... Want to hear it?"

"Please share.." Tia encouraged.

"Well actually, its more like a list of goals..." I corrected as I cleared my throat. Celestia nodded and waited.

"Get a job with decent income, and save some bits.."

"What are you saving for?"

"A house.... My own place in Ponyville..." I said confidently.

"Hmm...well I suppose that's a good thing to strive for."

"Yeah... But as much I would like to invite you two to dinner, that goal is pretty far from now..."

"Indeed..."

"I also wanted to try and get an Xbox set up... I could show you video games and we could watch more movies on a big screen and proper sound system.... I think I know who can help with that..."

" That sounds wonderful!" Celie said, nuzzling my cheek.

"The next one is kind of...different..." I said, losing my smile. Tia detected the sudden change in my mood and started to look worried.

"How...different?"

"Well... I want to find my true purpose here. What was I sent here for? Was it just an unfortunate twist of fate? Or am I destined for something... Greater? That day the Ursa's attacked Ponyville.... I was there to stand up for innocent ponies that couldn't defend themselves... Is that really me? A selfless hero? Twilight said that a ponie's cutie mark means something...it makes them...unique. Does mine?" I muttered. I sat up in the bed and glanced down at my hands as I idly play with my phone.

"Basically... I have to go on one of those cliche soul searching adventures..." I said with a smirk as I shook my head at how lame that sounded. Tia held me tightly and rested her head on my chest.

"Don't worry Derrick... You shall find a purpose in Equestria..."

Then she thumped my nose with her hoof.

"Without a cliche quest..." She said with a giggle. I nodded my head a few times and narrowed my eyes.

"I dunno Tia...to be honest with you...I've always had an unquenched thirst for adventure..."

"Hm...In that case, it looks like you will be going on that quest..." She said with a smirk.

"Maybe...but...it might be fun you know? This has been the most interesting week of my entire life!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! My life back home wasn't very eventful, let's put it that way."

" Really? Because according to you, there were at least five significant events that happened..."

"Yeah...that...don't remind me..." I said with a chuckle.

"I would just like to remind you that I'm still going to prank you hardcore..."

"Oh boy...I kinda hoped you forgave me for the whole virgin thing..."

"Nope."

"Damn...I need to show you more movies then..."I joked making us both laugh. Luna came out of the bathroom with all her royal shit on.

"I shall see you both later..." She said with a quick wave. Tia and I waved back and Luna opened the doors and left, closing them behind her gently. After that a silence fell over the room.

"..."

"Derrick?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't think less of me because I'm a...v..virgin right?" Celie asked with a sad expression. Holy shit she was really hurt about that wasn't she?

"No..no Tia... It's just..." I started to say. She immediately raised her head off my chest and narrowed her eyes. Shit DJ...don't fuck it up...don't fuck it up...

"I just...find it hard to believe..." I said carefully. Celestia furrowed her brow.

"Why?" She asked.

Because you're sexy as fuck.

"Because you've been alive so long?" I said with a shrug. She thought for a moment then lowered her head back onto my chest and sighed. Crisis averted.

"I suppose I could see why you would think that... Most ponies assume that I've..."

" Been around the bush?"

"Yes...that. But after my dating disasters... And the revolting nobles who constantly try to court me for their own selfish reasons I just...haven't..." She said with a shrug.

"That sounds rough..." I muttered, idly running my hand through her hair.

"I've just never been able to open up to somepony... And act like Tia, instead of the royal facade that I have to put on...Luna obviously doesn't have that problem..." Celestia said as she blew her hair out of her face.

"Well... I'm sure you'll find somepony eventually..." I said with a reassuring smile. Celestia sighed and started idly rubbing her hoof across my chest.

"Indeed... I have a few in mind..." She said with a smirk. I wanted to ask but I won't because I think I know who she's talking about.

"They can rutt me too while their at it..." She added randomly.

"Uh...noted..."I squeaked, unsure how to respond to that. Then Celestia yawned... And lowered her eyelids.

" Never speak of this to anypony if you want your genetals to remain where they are..." She said casually.

"Huh?"

"Goodnight..." She said. Then she released me and rolled over, dimming the lights with her magic.

"Wait what?"

"You're going to sleep here because you're too lazy and or tired to get off the bed and move to another room..."

"...you know me too well you damn magical horse."

After a quick laugh we started to drift off to sleep. Shut up... This bed is enchanted or something, Its the most comfortable thing in the universe.

...

The next day I woke up with Luna cuddling me, and Celestia was nowhere to be found. Then I heard some sounds come from the bathroom so I assumed she was getting ready for her vagina cheese job, running a country. I tried to get up from the bed but Luna refused to let me go. So I sat there awkwardly trying to slip away for a good 10 minutes before Celestia came out of the bathroom looking radiant as always.

"Good morning DJ..." She snickered.

"Hi...I need help your highness..." I said with a frown. Tia shook her head and used her magic to replace me with a pillow again. I really feel sorry for those pillows.

"Did you sleep well?" Celestia asked curiously.

"Yeah...had a pretty neat dream..." I said with a nod.

"What was it about?"

"Ummm.. Nothing...just know that it was a continuation of my day dream from yesterday..." I muttered with red cheeks. Celestia raised her brow, she looked like she was going to ask but she decided against it. Instead she walked over to her dresser and set down a glass of milk.

"Man...my mouth is really dry..." I said because my mouth and throat started to feel like a desert.

"Would you like a glass of milk?" Celie asked casually , lifting the same glass off the dresser. I hesitated at first but I eventually took the glass. Celestia started watching me closely for some reason.

This milk looked... Different to what I'm used to...its a lot creamier... Or something.

"Where did you even get this? This glass was empty last night..." I asked curiously as I studied the milk. I don't know where Equestrians get their milk...

"Oh...somewhere... Local..." Celestia said with a kind smile. At that moment I remembered what she said about pranking me hardcore.

"Ok what did you do to it?" I ask as I put my hand on my hip.

"Nothing! Its 100% fresh, all natural milk!" She said with a toothy grin. I narrowed my eyes and stared at her. This milk is suspicious as shit, but my throat is dry and there is nothing else right now.

"Alright whatever..." I said as I brought the glass to my mouth.

*sip*
*gulp*

...

"Wow..." I said as I took a step back and almost dropped the glass. Celestia's ears drooped slightly.

"Y...you don't like it?" She asked nervously. I looked back at her and a smile slowly formed on my face.

"I...I... love it!" I said as I took a few large gulps. Celestia looked surprised at first but then she started smiling smugly.

"Can I get another glass?" I ask hopefully as I wipe my milk mustache away and took another sip of this sweet heavenly milk.

"Oh I'm afraid not, you'll have to wait until tomorrow..." Celie said with a shake of her head.

"What? WHY?" I exclaimed.

"Because they wont be full again until then..." Tia replied.

"What do you mean by-"

...

I froze in place when I thought about what she said. Made locally... 100% fresh... they won't be filled up until then? Then my heart fucking stopped. I slowly looked down from her slightly mischievous smile, down to her underbelly. I noticed her teats were a bit..deflated (don't fucking ask me when I discovered those) Then everything immediately made sense to me. I started to shiver as I processed this new realization.

There were a dozen ways I could have reacted after that. I could have gagged and thrown up everything on the floor, I could have raised hell and screamed my head off. I could have conjured a gun and committed suicide, I could have passed out on the floor because of pure WTF. But I doubt she was expecting what I did next. Hell I wasn't expecting what I did next.

*sip*

*gulp*

I finished the milk and started nodding. I looked back up from her belly and our eyes met, her expression was unreadable.

"Just so you know....this means war..." I muttered calmly.

"I'm well aware..."

"....but not today....only because you taste delicious..."

"Why thank you... " She said as we both stared at each other, our expressions completely blank.

"I want more..."

"Tomorrow"

"I'll bring money..."

"Deal"

After whatever that was, she waved to me and left the room. I was still sitting there with that blank expression, holding the now empty glass absent minded.

"You got pranked... Hardcore..." Luna said as she busted out laughing. She must have woken up and saw the whole thing. I set the cup down on the table and started scooping up my clothes.

"Im going to wash up..." I muttered blankly. Luna shook her head and laughed harder.

...

It was now a couple minutes later, I'd said good bye to Luna and left with all my things. My chest was no longer glowing which means I can go back to Ponyville. I still don't know where the castle gate is. I was about to ask a random guard where it was but suddenly I ran into this girl. She was a dark grey earth pony girl who was carrying a book in her mouth that she dropped when I bumped into her.

"My bad...here's your book..." I said as I picked it up for her.

"Why thank you-" she started to say but she stopped when we made eye contact. She started to shiver. Hm...maybe she doesn't know who I am?

"Hey I'm not going to bite you..." I muttered as I tried handing her the book again. After that things got Really... strange. Her eyes.... Changed. They started glowing this sickly green color and I noticed that her pupils were reptile like slits. Then her hair started to pop out of place. What the hell?

"Uh...are you...ok?" I asked sheepishly. The girl didn't respond, she just sat there convulsing. I set the book down and called over a nearby guard.

"Hey! She's having a seizure or something help! " I shouted. Literally the second the guard rushed over, the girl stopped her weird spazzing out episode.

"Are ya ok ma'am?" The guard asked worriedly.

"Yes I'm fine..." The girl said with a smile. Then she picked up her book and calmly walked away, disappering around a random corner. Me and the guard stared at each other in wonder.

"I thought that bitch was possesed or something jeez..." I said with a sigh as I rubbed my forehead with a relieved sigh. The guard raised his brow and started laughing his ass off. I laughed too but I couldn't help but wonder what the hell I just witnessed. The guard then gave me a strange look.

"Well this is new..." He muttered, looking me up and down.

"What?" I ask.

"They didn't tell me that there was gonna be...whatever you, are walking around the castle..." The guard muttered.

"What do you mean? Don't you know what I am?"

"Nope.."

" I thought Shining Armor brought all the guards together and briefed you on me?"

"Well...ah must have missed the memo or somthin... Ah just got out of basic training the other day, and this is mah first patrol..." He muttered with a shrug.

"Well in that case my name is DJ..." I said with a smile as I held my hand out. He looked at it hesitantly but he smiled back and accepted my hand shake. He was a blue earth pony with a messy brown mane and tail with a cutie mark of a lightning bolt behind what appeared to be a microphone. He was also wearing a watch around his neck that appeared to no longer be functioning. I wonder what the story behind that watch is..

"Mah name is Lightning Lyric! Nice to meet ya DJ..." He said with a firm handshake. Hmm...an earthpony  that didn't break my arm? I like this guy already.

"Hey...I know you're new around here but... Do you know the way out? I need to go back to Ponyville..." I asked hopefully. I've just been wandering around aimlessly.

"Sure thing partner... Ah was heading out anyways... Are you going to the train station?"

"Train station? No...why would I need to go there?"I said with a chuckle. Lightning looked at me with a deadpan expression.

"To go back to Ponyville...." He muttered. I looked at him puzzled, then I realized something.

"Right...I forgot.... You don't know..." I said with a shake of my head. Lightning looked at me with confusion.

"Ah don't know what?" He said, looking at me suspiciously.

"That I can do this..." I said casually as I turned into a pegasus. Lighting's jaw dropped and his eyes turned into pin pricks.

"What in tarnation are you?!" He demanded.

I wrapped my hoof around his neck and laughed.

"Come on man, I'll explain on the way..."

...

Deep under the Canterlot castle, lies a vast and complicated cave system, long abandoned by the greedy Diamond dogs who seeked the large deposit of jewels and other minerals that used to fill the space. Now its just empty and lifeless..... Mostly.

Inside one of the tunnels is a what can only be described as an alien hive. The walls, covered in a thick green goo that a certain gray pony was now quickly sprinting through as fast as she could. She ran past old shaks, now covered in the strange green organic material, she ran past rows of green pulsating eggs, she even ran past a large pod. Inside the pod was a grey pony that looked exactly like her, now imprisoned and in a state of suspended animation, never to wake up again.

The gray pony slowed her pace when she came upon a creature. The creature was shrouded in darkness, the only thing showing were her reptile like green eyes.

"Report" the queen demanded coldy.

"My queen.... I've discovered something interesting..."

" It better be good if you risked sneaking into here to disturb me hatchling..."

"There is a strange creature in Canterlot.... I've never seen anything like it!"

"So? There are many creatures in Equestria that you haven't seen before... Did you really come all this way to give me useless information?" The queen bellowed as she stood from her green goey throne and started walking toward the hatchling menacingly. The hatchling started to sweat nervously. It knew what happened to the last hatchling that made the queen upset. It took a glance at said hatchling....or what was left of it, a large green splat on the far wall.

"This creature is different my queen..."

"You need to get to the point right now..." The queen hissed.

"I may have found a greater source of love for the hive..." The hatchling squeaked. The Queen paused for a moment then her eyes softened.

"Really? Even greater than...what was his name...Shining Armor?"

"Yes...my queen...it was overwhelming... Just being in proximity of him made me loose control! There is so much love for this creature..." The hatchling said happily.

"Hmm...perhaps there are 2 or more mares attached to the creature... What is the creature anyway? A Griffon? A Minatour?"

"I don't know my queen..." The hatchling said with disappointment. The queen narrowed her eyes but stayed calm.

"I need to know more... I could use this creature's love..." The queen said as she started pacing.

"Of course my queen! I will investigate further..." The hatchling said.

"No....no...I will find out myself..." The queen said with a shake of her head.

"Of course my queen... Do you plan to invade early if you acquire sufficient love from the creature?"

"No...we will continue with the normal plan for now... I need to know more about that creature before I make a decision." The queen said again, shaking her head.

"Besides....Haven't you heard? It is mating season in Equestria.... This hive is supposed to be full of eggs.." The queen said as she licked her lips with her long snake like tounge.

"Ah yes...what Lucky stallion will be fertilizing you this time?"

"That depends on who I decide to impersonate. Return to your post, I will need your eyes and ears on everything..." The queen ordered. The hatchling nodded then turned around, letting out a breath it didn't know it was holding.

"I live to serve the hive... Queen Chrysalis..." The hatchling said as it left.

Now alone, Chrysalis had a lot to think about. Who and what is this creature? Why is there so much love surrounding it? Where is the love coming from? Was it the creatures love for one? or is it from others? How will it fit into the plan? Do I even need the plan if I have the love from that creature?

...

Is the creature cute?

"Time to get laid.... This army won't lay itself..." Queen Chrysalis muttered as she began to transform her appearance.
> Act 5 part 4: Return
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 5 part 4: Return

"Remind me why I got on this train again?" I ask with a furrowed brow, as I looked around the cabin that Lightning and I were in. It was a pretty simple room, just two somewhat comfortable chairs with a table in the center, one window and a door.

"I recken you said that you wanted to take your sweet time going back to Ponyville. So I suggested the train..."

"Oh...right..." I muttered with a chuckle. I was lazily stretched out on my chair while Lighting was leaning back and gazing out the window on the opposite side.

"Well...we've go about an hour and a half... What do you reckon we do?" Lightning asked as he tapped the table to get my attention.

"I dunno...I guess I'll finish that explanation or something..." I muttered.

"Alright.... shoot"

...

"...So long story short, I have the ability to transform, and I also have magic from the strongest Alicorn Princess.."

"Ah still find it hard ta believe... What can you turn into?"

"So far I've only tried ponies.... I'm not sure about the limits yet.."

"I imagine you would make a mighty fine spy, because you can transform and...blend in"

"Maybe... I could see myself being captured real quick though.." I said with a shrug. We fell silent for a few minutes then I looked at the watch on Lightning's neck. Why the hell does he have a watch around his neck anyway?

"Hey...what's with the watch dude?" I ask curiously. Lightning blinked a few times then started to look forlorn.

"Well... A few years ago my grandpa gave me this here watch. He told me to always keep it with me, and that it would always point to mah heart..."

"Really? That sounds a little cheesy... No offense."

"Heh... Well to be honest with ya partner, I thought it was cheesy too at first. But..."

"But?"

"Low and behold, it actually DOES point to mah heart..."

" Wait really? " I said with a twitch of my ears. Lightning demonstrated by briefly removing the watch, laying it flat on the table and sure enough the minute hand moved and pointed at him. He slid the watch around a little bit and regardless of where it was, it still pointed straight to him.

"Ok...that's pretty neat..."

"Yeah..... My uncle tried to tell me something else about the watch...but he died before he could..." Lightning said sadly as he put the watch back on his neck. Well that sucks... I feel sorry for the guy. He looked down and sighed, then he looked back up with a faint smile. I could tell he was holding back tears.

"But...that was a long time ago... The watch obviously don't work no more....but ah do hear it tick from time to time..." He said still looking down. Then he seemed to perk up suddenly as he leaned forward and put his hooves on the table.

"So! Where do ya live in Ponyville?" He asked with a smile.

"With Twilight..." I muttered.

"Woah woah woah... Really? You live with THE Twilight Sparkle? And that Guy who saved the Town?

" No... just Twilight.... "

"But what about the guy who saved the town?"

"I AM the guy that saved the town!"

*zap*

"..."

"See?"

"Oh....ah get it now.."

"Yeah... Don't fucking tell a soul..."

"Who knows about this again?" Lightning asked with a raised brow.

"The Princesses, any Royal guard including you, Twilight and her friends...."

"The other elements of harmony? You know them too??"

"Unfortunately... yes I do know them..."

"What are they like?"

"Twilight is pretty cool, but she gets weird sometimes. Rarity is annoying, especially when she talks about fashion. Applejack is alright, as long as she doesn't break my arm. Pinkie is a hit or miss, sometimes fun, sometimes massive headache. Rainbow's gargantuan ego prevents me from liking her and Fluttershy doesn't say enough for me to form an opinion if her." I muttered.

"Hmm...that doesn't seem right..." Lightning said with a light frown.

"Trust me...that's all of them in a nutshell..." I said with a chuckle.

"You'd think the elements of harmony would be more...harmonic..."

*screech*

"Well stick around... You can probably meet some of them for yourself!" I said as I glanced out the window. The train just stopped in Ponyville.

"Oh boy... Ah can't wait..." Lightning said sarcastically. I laughed as we got up and exited the train.

"Good ol Ponyville!" Lightning said as he stretched and smiled wide.

" Whatever dude..." I said with a roll of my eyes as we left the train station. We walked down the streetand I recognized a certain fashionista, and unfortunately for me said fashionista recognized me....immediately.

"Why hello darling!" She said as she rushed up and proceeded to hug the breath out of me. Before I could say anything mean to get her to let me go, two very fancy looking ponies walked up to her.

"Hmm... You didn't tell me you were...attached Rarity..." Said a gentleman Unicorn who looked like Shining armor if you throw on a few years and a moustache. She loosened her death grip, turned and smiled, leaving a forearm wrapped around my neck.

"Oh no no... This is my....um.... friend, Dawning Jade!" She said with a nervous smile, as she waved her hoof around, searching for the right words. Heh... she knows damn well we're not attached. Hell its even a stretch that we're friends in the first place!

"Ah yes.. the young colt who saved Ponyville a few days ago... I've heard a lot about you..." The guy said as he walked up to me and stuck his hoof out.

"I am Fancy Pants, it is a pleasure to finally meet you!" He said with a smile.

"..."

You don't know how much willpower I had to exert to keep myself from laughing. The best part about this guy's name is the fact that he is not even wearing any pants whatsoever. I hesitated but still gave his hoof a firm shake.....somehow, pony hooves still confuse me.

"Uh...nice to meet you too... Fancy.." I said with a sheepish grin. My smile faded when I saw the mare next to him. I swear to god she looks just like Celestia... if you add some height, multicolored flowing hair, and wings. I'm fairly sure that if Equestria had super models then she would definitely be one. She looked me up and down and smiled.

"Hé là!" She said with a flutter of her eyes. The hell? Is that...French?

"This is my good friend Fleur Dis Lee! She's heard so much about Rarity's dresses that she just had to see them herself!" Fancy said.

"Oh Darling... There not THAT good..." Rarity said with a blush.

"Don't be modest dear! They are the best and finest in Equestria!" Fancy announced, looking slightly offended. Then everyone looked at Lighting, who was just sitting there whistling.

"Dawn? Who is this handsome fellow?" Rarity asked curiously.

"Mah name is Lightning Lyric, but you can just call me Lightning Ma'am..." He said politely.

"A pleasure to meet you!" She said with a warm smile.

"Hello to you as well!" Fancy said with a nod.

"‎enchanté" Fleur said was a grin. Lightning and I looked at each other in confusion.

"I'm afraid they don't understand you dear..." Fancy said, giving her a slight nudge.

"Oh...sorry...I forget..." Fleur said with a blush. We all shared brief laughter before Fancy sighed and his smile faded.

"I'm afraid this little meeting must be cut short... " he he muttered.

"Why darling?" Rarity asked curiously.

"Our train..." Fleur muttered, pointing at the station behind us.

"Well Rarity... Dawn...Lightning... I bid you farewell for now..." Fancy said as he started walking away. Fleur turned to me then smiled.

"vous êtes un joli une" she said kindly then she started walking away toward Fancy.

"..."

"I didn't catch any of that..."

"I believe she called you cute..." Rarity said with uncertainty. I immediately deadpanned, why can't any of these mares ever think I'm ugly? Or can can they at least like the guy next to me more? Fleur turned around again.

" Vous regardez avec plaisir à rutt" she said with a wink before entering the train station with Fancy.

"..."

"Ok...what about that time?" I ask with a raised brow.

"Sorry...I didn't quite catch what she said that time..." Rarity said with a nervous smile. Something tells me she knows EXACTLY what she said.

"All ah heard in that sentence was RUTT....so..." Lightning said with a smug grin as he tapped my side. Great.... Add her onto the list of girls who want me to bang them. Unfortunately for me that list only seems to increase each day.

Now that the fancy ponies were gone it seemed like a fucking switch went off in Rarity's head.

"Where in the world were you!!?" She blurted in my face, scaring the crap out of me and stunning Lightning.

"Wh...what?"

"Where were you!?"

"When?"

"Yesterday! You missed the Nightmare Night celebration!"

"So?"

"Then Twilight told me you didn't come home yesterday either! We were worried sick!"

"Uh...and your point i-"

"So what were you doing yesterday that was so important that you couldn't join us in the celebration?"

"Stuff..."

"Stuff?"

"Yeah... stuff..."

"And what stuff would that be?"

"Uh....magic stuff....with the Princess..."

"Oh... I see...." Rarity said as she started smiling mischievously and snickering.

"What?" I ask with a flat brow.

"Oh nothing... Its just.... I noticed you've been awfully close to the princess lately..." She said with a snicker.

"Wh...what do you mean by that?!" I ask with rapidly reddening cheeks.

"Nothing Darling... its just if I didn't know any better I'd think you two were in a relationship..." She said with a giggle. My ears drooped down and Lightning started looking at me suspiciously.

"Well I'm afraid I must go gentlecolts... I'll see you around perhaps?" Rarity said as she waved good bye and walked away, still giggling to herself. Now it was just Lighting and I standing in the middle of the street.

"So those are some interesting claims she made partner..." He said with a nudge.

"Yeah.... Claims...." I said nervously. Then Lightning's eyes widened.

"Are they true???" He demanded.

"No....yes....its complicated..." I muttered as I looked down and idly scrapped my hoof on the ground in a circle.

"Are you telling me you're...involved with the Princess?" Lightning said with more surprise.

"Kinda..." I say with uncertainty.

"Well...which one?"

"Uh...both...."

"BOTH???" He blurted, almost stumbling over in shock. I don't know what to tell the guy because I really don't know myself. We've shared passionate moments and we are indeed very close. But none of us have uttered a word about an official relationship or commitment. There's also the fact that goes for BOTH of them. I don't know if they plan on sharing, and if they do, then how will that work? Going out with Two Alicorn Princesses would be...a trip.

"Wow...if that's true.... Then ah tip my metaphorical hat to ya partner..." He said with a smile.

"Thanks ...I guess."

"I would give an arm and a leg just to spend a day with either of them...especially Luna...oh the things we would do..." Lightning said, his cheeks reddening a bit. Woah get that mind out of the gutter pal!

"I figured you would be mad at me..."

"Yeah...ah am a little jealous.... But... Ah don't have time to worry about mares, they usually come with too much drama..." Lightning said with a shake of his head.

"What do you mean?"

"Buy me this! Buy me that! Take me here! Take me there! How do ah look in this dress?" He said imitating a girls voice. It was kinda funny because he reminded me of Applejack.

"Not into the needy type?"

"Pfft nope!" He said with a laugh. Celie and Luna aren't needy....I mean they are the richest mares in Equestria.... So... They can kinda do whatever.

"I see what you mean..."

"Yeah...personally I'm into a girl that doesn't worry to death about fashion and her looks.."

"So basically... Not Rarity?"

"She's definitely a cute one, but no..." He said firmly.

"Well sounds to me like you'd be more into Applejack or Rai-"

*Tick*

"..."

"What was that?"

"Mah watch... It ticks sometimes..."

"That's...weird as f-"

*Tick Tick*

"Its gettin faster..."

"Why does it even do that?"

"Ah have no clue par-"

*TICK TICK*

"Hey wait a second... Do you hear that?"

"What the ticking?"

"No...it sounds like a pega-"

"LOOK OUT!" Cried a familiar rainbow pegasus.

"Oh this is going to hurt like a bi-"

*SLAM*

Rainbow Dash came crashing into me, knocking me flat on my ass. Then we rolled around a few times before coming to a stop, leaving us sitting there tangled in this awkward position.

"I told you to move!" Rainbow scolded as she got up and dusted herself off.

*Tick*

"Thanks for breaking my fall though!" Rainbow said with a smirk.

"Thanks for breaking my rib.." I said sarcastically as I stood up and rubbed my side with a cringe.

"Don't be such a wuss DJ..." Rainbow complained as she gave me a light shove. Then I looked over to Lightning who was attempting to suppress his laughter.

"She really should have hit you, maybe it would have knocked her out, so we wouldn't have to hear her mouth..." I muttered. Rainbow looked over to Lightning and frowned.

"Hey! What are you laughing at?" She said as she flew up to him and got in his face. He stopped laughing and raised his brow.

"Ah am laughing at you..." He said blankly.

"What? Is there something on my face?"

"Maybe..."

"Listen up bub...I've had enough of your mouth !" She said, waving a hoof in his face. "You better not laugh again or you'll get it!". Lightning scoffed and smirked.

" Ah feel threatened.... " he said jokingly. Then she started poking his chest in what was supposed to be a threating way, but he didn't even flinch as her hoof pressed against his chest harmlessly.

"I'm warning you! You dont want these ....hooves ..." Rainbow said as she trailed off. She landed and started to blush, Taking a few nervous steps back.

"Wow you're so threatening Dash... He's shivering with fear..." I quipped.

"Shut up!" She blurted nervously as she gave my shoulder a hard knock, making me recoil and wince in pain. Lightning started laughing again.

"Well DJ....ah have a few errands to run, so ah will see y'all another time..." Lightning said with a wave. I waved back and he started walking away.

"Make sure you swing by Twilight's so we can chill!" I said after him. He turned back a nodded, then continued walking. When he was gone I looked back to Dash. Her cheeks were red and her wings were twitching.

"Wh...who is that guy?" She asked sheepishly.

"Lightning Lyric, I just met him a few hours ago.." I muttered.

"O...Oh..." She said as she looked down, Nervously.

"He is a new recruit in the royal guard..." I added. Rainbow sat there silently, her eyes still glued to the subject stallion across the street.

"Jeez what the hell Rainbow?" I say as I observed her weirdness.

"What?" She snapped, attempting to straighten up and tuck her wings back in.

"Oh nothing... I didn't know you had a thing for earth ponies..."

"Me neither! That guy was really cu...HEY!" She yelled. I started laughing my ass off and she facehoofed. I can't believe that slipped out of her mouth. Then she punched my shoulder again making me wince.

"Do you enjoy hurting me???" I ask angrily.

"Yes, I do enjoy it a lot! But on another subject WHERE WERE YOU?" She suddenly blurted.

"Oh here we fucking go...." I say with a shake of my head.

"You storm off looking all sad, so the princess goes after you. Then the next day, you show up all happy like nothing happened!" She shouted quite loudly.

"What the hay did you two do???" She demanded loudly, getting the attention of some ponies in the street. I swiftly grabbed her and covered her mouth with a hoof.

"Stop screaming shit like that before rumors start..." I scold. Rainbow frowns and licks my hoof, getting me to let her go.

"Ew! What the hell Rainbow?" I say as I whip my hoof around trying to get her spit off.

"I can say whatever the hay I want!" Rainbow said proudly as she stuck her chest out. I proceeded to wipe the spit off in her coat and she didn't seem to care.

" I can't wait until I discover a spell to mute you..."

"You can't mute me! My mouth and any words that come out of it are too awesome!"

"Maybe I can at least mute your ego..."

"Can't hear you! Too busy being awesome!"

"I wish i could say the same..." I muttered with annoyance as I started walking toward Twilight's.

"You wouldn't last a day without hearing my sweet voice!" Rainbow teased.

"Tell that to someone who has a fuck to give..." I muttered casually. She stuck her tounge out at me and flew away. Now that I was by myself I decided to head back to Twilight's. As I was walking back, I was constantly harrased by a bunch of random mares and even a guy at one point. They all walked up to me asking me if I was single. When I told them I was, they all asked if I had plans next week. I pretty much told them to fuck off as nicely as I could.




Eventually i got to Twilight's and knocked on the door. Spike answered and I rushed inside breathing heavily. Spike looked suprised as he closed the door behind me.

"Sup bro?" I said with a nervous smile as I plopped down on the couch.

"Sheesh dude... Who was chasing you?"

"Mares...."

"Oh its about that time of year again right?"

"Yeah...how do you know about that again?"

"Because I'm older then I look?"

"Uh huh..."

"I wish I had mares chasing me around like that!"

"Heh... Maybe when you have that growth spurt or whatever, they will!"

"Yep! I can't wait to have wings!"

"Good... If the mares are chasing you around they won't be chasing me..." I muttered. Spike beamed and looked proud of himself.

"So...where is Twi at?"

"Upstairs..."

"Sweet..." I say as I lay back on the couch. Spike shrugged and walked to the kitchen. Barely even a minute later Twilight came rocketing down the stairs. Before I could blink she pounced onto me. Then with eyes as wide as dinner plates she shouted in my face.

"WHERE WERE YOU!!?"

"Uh....nice to see you too Twilight"

"I WAS SO WORRIED Y-" she started yelling, but I cringed and covered her mouth with my hoof.

"Turn down the volume please..." I said, removing my hoof.

"Oh sorry..." She said with red cheeks.

"Oh and do me a favor and stop standing on my ack... Throat..."

"Sorry..." She said again, stepping off and next to the couch. She cleared her throat and calmed down.

"I really was worried... You werent at the celebration and Princess Luna and even Rainbow Dash said that you were still in canterlot..."

"I was... I spent the night at the castle with Celestia..." I muttered. Twilight's brow raised suspiciously.

"Uh...in a separate room of course..." I added. Twilight looked at me with disbelief briefly.

"Riiight.....I sent Princess Celestia a letter but she didn't respond..."

"Uh... I think she was busy...." I muttered sheepishly as I thought back to when we were making out. I think I vaguely remember some scrolls popping up and rolling off the bed.

"Well... Next time you decide to spend the night somewhere, make sure you tell me first.." Twilight said with a warm smile.

"Yes mother..." I said with a smirk. Twilight rolled her eyes and started giggling. Spike came out of the kitchen with 3 bowls of salad and we started eating. We didn't say much until I remembered something.

"So how did that date go?"

Twilight swallowed hard and looked at me wide eyed.

"Oh it was absolutely horrible!"

"..."

Well... that's the last thing I expected her to say.

"Really?"

"Yes! Flash was so nervous that he could barely speak! Then he would shake and accidentally bumb into things!" She said with a frown. Welp.... Sounds like he forgot to borrow soarin's confidance.

A smile started to slowly work its way onto her face. "On second thought.... Flash is adorable when he's nervous..." She said with a blush.

"Well... Sounds to me like you should follow up that date then..."

"I think I will..." Twilight said with a giggle. We fell silent again for a while until I remembered something important.

"Hey Twi?"

"Yes DJ?"

"Remember a while ago when I asked you if there were any jobs i could do?"

"Yes..."

"Well...did you manage to dig up any?"

"Oh I'm glad you asked!" Twilight said as her eyes started sparkling she was on the verge of showing me that science face again. "I have a list right here!" She said as a scroll popped up with purple glow. She gave it a light shake and a comical moment happened when it rolled out and ended up being so long that, it rolled the entire length of the table, fell to the floor, then proceeded to keep rolling until it hit the wall.

"What the hell! Is this every job in Equestria or something???"

"Yep! Every single available one! Ordered into categories where I have The exact location, requirements, qualification, benefits, avalible working hours-"

"Ok....slow down, just pause for a second!" I ordered as I rubbed my temples. Twilight pouted but listened and stopped the onslaught of information.

"First of all... I only need jobs in Ponyville..." I muttered. Twilight sighed sadly and used a magical pair of scissors to cut the scroll. Well shit... that eliminated everything not on the table.

"Ok...scratch off anything magic related...I'm not the best at it yet..." I admit. Twilight pouted again but snipped away.

"Take off anything that I'll have to talk to ponies for a long period of time..."

*snip*

"Take off math heavy jobs... Math is evil..."

*snip*

"No baby sitting... Or anything with kids for that matter..."

*snip*

"Oh...if the job is with someone I already know that would be great..."

*snip*

...

"Why'd you cut the entire list?"

"Unless you want to help my friends, join the Royal guard, or be an assistant to the Princesses, there's nothing else out there with ponies you already know! Unless of course you finally decide to start you friendship assignment, where you'll make all kinds of new friends!"

" ...now that I think about it why didn't I just start with that?" I say with a nervous smile. Twilight facehoofed and made the list disappear.

"That beautiful list...wasted..."

"Its not my fault you went all chainsaw massacre on the thing!"

"Um....what's a chainsaw?"

"Never mind... Just tell me what kind of jobs your friends have..."

"Well first of all..."

...

Queen Chrysalis returned to her throne with a satisfied grin. She was pleased at the progress she made today. She captured at least 10 different Royal guards, then replaced them with her hatchlings, and not a single soul knew. Then she interrogated the captured guards and found out more about the creature she seeked. She didn't believe their stories at first, but as she talked to more guards she began to grasp the situation.

The creature is actually a human male, that has strangely gained control over two magics. One being Alicorn magic from the Princess herself, and the other being a magic that she's never heard of. "Chaos magic" they called it, and it apprantly grants the human the ability to change his appearance as she does. The Human had a strange name... "Derrick Young" and his nickname... "DJ". But the one she would be looking for is a handsome black and white Unicorn that goes by the name of "Dawning Jade". He apprantly lives in Ponyville with the wreched Princess's goody two shoes student Twilight sparkle.

She had the information, now she just needed to figure out which form he responds to the most, then she could get close and use her mind control spell as well as begin draining the love from him.

One last important thing she noted from the female guards is the fact that they claim Derrick is...attractive....VERY attractive... Especially in his human form. The queen herself found some pride in the fact that she's been with almost every species out there. The wonderful thing about changelings, is the fact that any species can fertilize.

"Hm...I've never even seen a human before... I wonder how he rutts..." Chrysalis said too herself, smiling devilishly.

...

In the wee hours of the morning before the sun was up, a tall bipedal figure walked over to the sun Princess's balcony doors. It gently opened them and slowly tip toed its way over to the large luxury bed, where Princess Celestia and Princess Luna lay, sleeping peacefully. The bed was large enough for both sisters to toss, turn and stretch as much as they wanted without even touching each other.

The tall figure went to the left side of the bed where the Sun Princess lay and slowly crept up to her resting form. The figure watched her for a moment but slowly and silently started to move its arm but..

"You better have a good reason for sneaking into my room so early.... WITHOUT permission Derrick..." The sun princess said without even opening her eyes.

The figure paused and cleared his throat. Celestia sat up in her bed and yawned, then stared at the human standing a mere foot away. Derrick simply Raised his arms, a large empty jug in one hand and a large sack of bits in the other. Celestia started smiling her ass off once she realized what he came for.

"You were serious?"

"You weren't?"

"No...I'm afraid I may have deceived you again..."

"Huh?"

"That milk I gave you yesterday was ordinary cow's milk. You didn't think I would REALLY give you...MY milk did you?"

"..."

"Derrick?"

"I'm both very releaved and extremely disappointed at the same time..." Derrick muttered. Then he started to walk away Toward the balcony doors again.

"Where are you going?"

"To buy some fucking milk..."

"Oh...well then....have fun!"

"I'm still going to prank the shit out of you Celestia..." Derrick said as he transformed and flew off toward Ponyville. Once he was gone Luna rolled over.

"That one can be quite bold....sneaking into the room and demanding such things from you..."

"indeed sister..."

"I must admit....the mere fact that he dares to defy us, only serves to make him more attractive..."

"Yes...but also unpredictable..."

"I would watch thy back Tia... He seemed serious about his prank"

"Way ahead of you sister..."

"Oh? Because I will be there laughing when he manages to prank you successfully."

"Who's side are you even on Lulu?"

"I always pick the same side Tia!"

"And what side would that be?"

"My side..."

"..."

*facehoof*

"Care to join?"

"I'm going to raise the sun now..."

> Act 6 part 1: Tis the season
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 6 part 1: Tis the season

"Good luck DJ! My friends will be waiting for you!" Twilight said with a smile, as I walked out of the house.

"Yeah I know... See you later Twi.." I said with a nod as she closed the door. I looked around the busy Ponyville streets and took a breath, then started walking. Today is going to be pretty busy for me.

You see a lot of stuff has happened in the last few days. I've been meeting with Twilight's friends, inquiring about available job positions. I asked Applejack, Rainbow and Pinkie, thinking at least one of them would accept me, But I didn't expect ALL of them to accept me. The second I even mentioned possibly working for them, they all said yes without even thinking. I skipped Fluttershy because I swore I would never go inside her house again as long as Greg is alive And I didn't even consider Rarity an option because I have no interest in fashion. All that was a week ago.... Today is essentially job training for me. I also can't work 3 fucking jobs at the same time, so I won't hesitate to drop the ones that I don't like. I started the long walk toward Applejack's farm since I told her I would be showing up there first today.

In other news... mating season has officially started! Which means everything is going to go to shit soon. As soon as I'm done working with Applejack. Mac and I are going to have an important discussion. I've been visiting Celestia and Luna in Canterlot occasionally, and so far I haven't really noticed any significant behavior changes, they've just been a little more quiet then usual.

Lightning has been coming over to Twilight's pretty often and we hang out regularly. He showed me this neat little bar in town that had AMAZING food and drinks. I frequent that place a lot now actually.

I also used the bits Celestia gave me and purchased a decent bed. Twilight let me have her basement, so we moved some things and thats basically my room now.

Spike has come down with this weird fever that hasn't gone away yet after almost a week. I'm starting to worry about the little guy, but Twilight claims he'll be fine, and it hasn't really gotten worse so, I'll take her word for it.

Yep... That pretty much last week in a nutshell! Time to get back to it!

I arrived at Applejack's farm and looked around, Mac and Applejack were already hard at work harvesting the massive field of apple trees. Applejack was apple fucking.... Uh... I mean... applebucking and Mac was pulling these big ass carts full of apples. Applejack saw me and smiled wide.

"Howdy there Derrick!" She said as she trotted up to me.

"Sup Boss?" I say with a smirk. Applejack's ears droop slightly.

"Ya don't have ta call me that sugar  cube..."

"Ok then... As long as you don't call me sugar cube ." I said with a shrug. She smiles and shakes her head. She turned to Mac, who was still pulling the kart.

"Big Mac? Do me a favor and take a nice long break". She asked kindly Mac paused and looked surprised.

"But ah NEVER take a break sis!" He said, puzzled.

"Ah know... But ah hafta give DJ here the... Apple family evaluation..." Applejack said with a smirk.

Mac raised his brow and shrugged. He took his saddle thing off and left it laying against the cart, then he walked away towards their house. Now it was just me, her, and a big ass field of trees.

"So what's first?" I ask, ready to get it over with. I picked to meet with Applejack and Rainbow first for 2 reasons. One was because I figured that those two would have me do the most strenous tasks and two was because both jobs kinda require that I change forms. Rainbow and Applejack are the only ones that know I can transform anyway. Everyone else is still convinced that me turning into a Pegasus was just some really cheap illusion, except for Gilda because she saw me flying. Gilda's cool though, so she won't tell anyone.

"Well ah hafta see if you're strong enough to pull some weight around here..." Applejack said with a smirk.

"I can feel the pain already..." I said with an obvious fake smile. Applejack giggles and pats my back.

" I'm sure you'll be fine... Just show me how tough ya are honeybun.." She encouraged.

I groaned and started streching.

"I would do your fancy changing spell if I was you..." She said, watching me closely. Right... I almost forgot. Applejack told me that its against tradition to use magic when working with the produce, they apprantly dont grow as well as if magic is used directly. So that basically means that I'm going to be using Dauntless, my earth pony form, or my human form without magic. So I transformed into an earth pony. It was a bit beefier and taller than my other forms were, so I was slightly disoriented at first.

"Oh mah stars...." Applejack whispered as she watched me closely with sparkling eyes, making me uncomfortable.

"So....the first test?" I urged nervously. Applejack snaps out of it and clears her throat.

"Right...follow me honeybun..." She said as she walked toward a specific tree that had buckets set up around it.

"First ah want to see if you can applebuck. Don't be upset if ya can't at first though. it's a unique skill that takes years to develop..." Applejack said. I nodded and stared at the tree. I don't remember having to buck anything using my pony forms yet. Hopefully I don't mess up and miss the tree all together or something. I took a deep breath and turned around. Then I bucked the tree as hard as I could.

*THWACK!*

...

Welp... I don't hear any fucking apples dropping. I turned around to see my result. There were two large hoof prints where I kicked it and the tree was obviously bent from the force of my kick. Applejack stood there completely speechless.

"Nice try honeybun.... Use a might less force next time. Ah dont want ya going around bustin mah trees in half." She said neutrally. I cringed and she continued.

"Give it another try on that tree..." Applejack said as she pointed to an adjacent tree with buckets around it. I nodded and got in position.

*Thwack*

This time I managed not to kill the damn tree but not a single apple fell. I walked under it and stared up. I never thought kicking a damn tree could be so hard! I grumbled in annoyance and turned back to Applejack.

"I guess I'm not cut out for this kinda thing. It didn't wor-"

Suddenly I was showered by apples, much to Applejack's amusement. I guess I spoke too soon.

"Well they didn't land in the buckets, but its a start! You'll be apple buckin in no time honeybun!"

"Great... I cant wait..." I said sarcastically. Then one last apple falls and bounces off my head and into one of the bucket. Those things kinda hurt... Applejack snickers at me.

"See? You're a natural honeybun!"

"For the record...I like surgar cube better..." I quip.

"Alrighthy then... surgar cube. Let's get on with it..." She said with a laugh as she walked over to the big ass cart.

Please don't make me pull that shi-

"Alright surgar cube, go get yourself hooked up."

Fuck

I nodded sheepishly and walked around to the front of the cart. I reluctantly picked up that thing that Mac always has around his neck.

"It fits ya perfectly..." Applejack said with a half lidded gaze. I flash a nervous smile then she walks in front of me.

"Alright...ya need to pull the kart into the barn..." She said pointing to the barn of course its across the whole damn field.... Fate wants me to suffer... Fuck you fate.

"Well... Here goes nothing..." I said as my muscles tensed and I started pulling the kart. I honestly surprised myself at how fast I could pull the thing, hell I'd say it was faster then Mac was pulling it! Then again... Mac didn't even break a sweat pulling this thing... And I feel like I could collapse any second. Applejack watched me closely... VERY closely, the whole time with a light blush. I didn't care at the time because I was to busy pulling this bullshit.

I got about half way there, when my back hind leg suddenly cramped up on me, forcing me to stop. I grunted in pain and almost fell over.

"Are you alright partner?" She shouted worriedly as she stopped me from falling. I cringed and chuckled.

"Yeah... Cramps are Awesome..." I say sarcastically, wincing in pain.

"Ya hafta slow down surgar or you'll hurt yourself!" She scolded as she rubbed my leg. Then her cheeks turned red again.

"If you want I can have Big Mac pull it the rest of the way..." She said. I shook my head and stood up straight.

"Nah... I got this!" I said with a confidence. Then despite the pain in my leg I managed to pull it the rest of the way. Inside the barn I took the thing off my neck and sat against the wall with a sigh of relief, sweating profusely.

"Ya did a mighty fine job DJ..." Applejack said with a smile.

"Maybe. I bet Mac could do this like.... 10 times without breaking a sweat...." I said with a shrug.

"He could..." Applejack admitted with a laugh.

"But don't doubt yourself now ya hear? You can only get stronger and this can only get easier. It won't be to long until you're applebucking and pulling karts like the rest of us..." Applejack said honestly. Then she got a half lidded gaze and started rubbing my cramped leg gently soothing the pain and making me moan with pleasure.

"Especially with muscles like this..." She said, biting her lip.

Ok now... normally I would have freaked out and ran off by now. But the way she's massaging my cramped leg...I dont know... I think I could stick around for a little bit. She started rubbing against me, nuzzling my cheek gently.

"Where are y'all at? Granny wants to know if you're hung-" I heard Mac say from outside the barn making Applejack and I jump. He walked in and paused when he saw us basically cuddling, then a smug grin started to form on his face.

"Uh....ah think I should come back later...y'all look...busy.." He said with a snicker as he left and closed the barn door. I sat there staring at the door wide eyed. What the hell is he talking about anyway? Then Applejack said something behind me.

"Hold still for me surgar cube..." She said. Then a moment later I felt a... strange... sensation between my legs. Um... Did she really just grab my co-




"Turn your head and cough..."




...




Oh hell no.

"Hooves off!" I shouted as I jumped away, blushing. Applejack had this intense lustful gaze, her ears down and her eyes half lidded. Shit... I've been here to long. I started slowly backing away and she started stepping toward me.

"What's wrong sugar?" She asked.

"Uh...you just grabbed my junk..."

"Ah know... Ah was finishing your.... evaluation..." She said suggestvly, making me deadpan.

"Yeah...ok...I see what's going on here. I'll be leaving now.." I said calmly as I started walking toward the door. Applejack didn't say anything and I was almost at the door when I heard a... twirling sound? Suddenly a rope wrapped around my leg tightly I looked down in surprise.

"What the fu-Waah!" I uttered as my leg got yanked making me fall over. I turned to Applejack and she had a mischievous grin, holding a rope in her teeth.

Did this bitch just lasso me?

...

*sigh*

The shit you can do with hooves and a mouth still surprises me...

"You ain't going no where!" She said cripticly.

"How did you even tie the damn rope?" I ask, completely puzzled. Despite this awkward predicament I'm in, I still can't get over the fact that she just got me with a fucking lasso. Then she started to pull me toward her and my ears twitched. Right.... About to get my junk "inspected" by docter Applejack's mouth, almost forgot.

"Yeah... How about no..." I said as I start to struggle against her, dragging myself toward the door.

"Playing hard ta get? Ah like it!" She said as she pulled harder.




"Uh...*grunt* if you dont mind... I kinda had plans not to rut today..." I said as I pulled again, inching closer to the door.




"Well sorry to *grunt* burst yur bubble sugar cube..." She said with a grunt. Now she really started to yank at me, to the point where I was helplessly sliding toward her waiting hooves. Shit! I have to think fast! Or else I'll be doing Applejack! Well... You know.... That honestly doesn't sound that ba- NO! You have shit to do today!

I quickly turned into my human form and conjured up a knife. Then I turned around and started cutting away at the rope.

"Sorry Applejack but... Fuck your rope..." I said as I cut through it completely. The tension from the rope made Applejack fall back against the wall. Her hat fell and covered her face comicly. Now free of the rope, I quickly got on my feet and started running toward the door. Applejack got up and started chasing after me.

"COME BACK HERE AND RUT ME SENSELESS SUGAR!" SHE YELLED.... Oops I'm sorry... I mean "She yelled". I yelped and pried the barn door open. I stepped out and was about to take off when I thought that maybe closing the barn door would slow her down. So being the tactical genius I am, I closed the barn door....right in Applejack's face.

*WHAM!*

...

And she's out cold.

Good job DJ you totally nailed the escape.

"So do I still get the job or what? never mind I'll just...uh... Let you take your nap..." I said sheepishly as I started to run towards the farmhouse. I saw Mac who happened to be heading towards the farmhouse, carrying a bag with a pie in his mouth. I quickly ran up to him and he was surprised to see me.

"Done already? Ya finish fast partner..." He said with a smirk.

"What do you mean I finish fast....oh knock it off asshole..." I said with a frown as I lightly punched his arm. He set the bag down and chuckled.

"Listen dude. This isn't the time for jokes. We need to talk about something important." I said as I kept looking back at the barn every few seconds. Mac slowly narrowed his eyes and got a deadly serious expression that I've never seen before. He put his hooves on my shoulder and looked me in the eye.

"Ya Put a BUN in mah sisters oven???" He said stated angrily. I sat there in fear and he continued.

"YOU DIDN'T USE PROTECTION!!??" He said louder. I blinked a few times then started laughing.

"Dude chill out! We didn't do anything..." I said, dismissing the thought with a wave. Mac's eyes softened then he let go of my shoulders. He sighed in relief then looked back at me curiously.

"Well then what do ya need to talk about then partner?"

"Did you forget? That horrible event that officially started today?"

"What....oh yeah... Mating season?"

"Yes!"

"What about it?"

"I need to know what to expect! "

"Why so soon? It just started!"

"Dude. Your sister tried to give me a physical..."

"..."

"...ok...ah would have been ok with not knowin that..."

"Sorry but its true..."

"Speakin of Applejack.... Where is she?"

"Uh...one thing at a time dude!"

"Alright fine! What do ya want to know specifically?"

"What excactly does it do to the mares?"

"Well it effects everypony different and at different times. But for the most part none of them will act like themselves. Their ears and hindlegs will start twichin. A mare Pegasus's wings will stick out and get all stiff. A Unicorn's horn will starts shooten out small sparks, and they start messing up their spells and all of them will have the craziest mood swings!" He explained.

"Well that sounds fun for me..." I said sarcastically. Mac nodded then started looking serious again.

"Ya know it affects us stallions too right?" He said with a raised brow. I paused immediately and started to dred what he was going to say next.

"While the urges aren't as bad as a mares... You'll get em too..."

"..."

Well fuck me sideways then... I bet thats why I honestly considered giving Applejack what she wanted! Looks like I'm going to have to keep myself under control too.

"You were with Luna last season right?" I asked randomly. He blinked a few times and nodded.

"Eyyup! Why do you ask?"

"Well... She and I are close friends... So I want to know if I should except the same from her..." I said with a shrug. Mac starts to look horrified, giving me a sinking feeling.

"Stay away from her for the week... Trust me partner..." He warned. I swallowed hard and rubbed my forhead.

"Why?"

"Well...ah can tell you that I have never been so....not in control... with her..."

"Oh...she's one of those..." I said my eyes widening in horror.

"Yeah....she's really... Bossy...." Mac said with a shudder.

"This week is gonna be super shity..." I said with a facepalm.

"Not for me!" Mac said, beaming proudly.

"Oh really?"

"Eyyup!"

"Aren't you worried Fluttershy will flip out on you?"

"Nnope"

"Ok...don't come crying to me when she drags you into her house by your fucking tail..." I said with a shrug as I started walking away. Before I left I turned back and snatched the pie off the floor.

"Oh by the way... Uh..tell Applejack I'm sorry when she wakes up..." I said with a nervous smile. Mac narrowed his eyes and looked at me puzzled.

"What In tarnation are you talkin abo-"

"GRAB EM FOR ME BIG MAC!!" A now awake Applejack called out as she sprinted toward us, a huge lump on her head. I quickly tapped Mac on the back.

"Uh...bye!" I said, as I turned into a Pegasus and flew off, escaping another lasso. With a sigh of relief I took to the sky and ate the epic pie. Ok one job down... 2 more to go! Now I have to get to Cloudsdale or whatever that bullshit floating town is called. The mere sight of it aggravates me because theres fucking liquid rainbow leaking out of some of the clouds. After about 2 minutes of flying I made it to the town made of fucking clouds.

This would be pretty damn cool.... If the town didn't smash all the physics. Like seriously! What the fuck is wrong with Equestria?!? You don't even understand how much this pisses me off...like I kinda feel homesick.... At least things made sense there!

Finding Rainbow wasn't hard... Just look for the big ass Rainbow streak above the town... I flew up and the streak immediately stopped moving. Then Rainbow flew over to meet me.

"What's up DJ?" Rainbow said casually floating leisurely next to me in a relaxed position. Then she noticed my face and raised her brow. "Sheesh dude... That look could kill a Minotaur! What's got you so upset?" She asked. I facehoofed and shook my head. Then she started snickering.

"I bet you're mad because you didn't get any mare action yet!" She said with a smug grin.

"Pfft! hell no. Besides, I bet you didn't get any either..." I shot back. Rainbow rolled her eyes then smirked.

"*ahem* Well not yet..." She said confidently. Then as if on cue a small cloud came floating down next to us. Lightning was standing on it looking like he saw a fucking ghost.

"This ain't natural... Earth ponies don't fly..." he squeaked. I looked at Rainbow in surprise she just stared at the cloud with a half lidded expression. Then I started laughing and flew up to Lightning.

"Alright... What the hell did she say to get you to do this?" I ask as I fold my hooves in front of me.

"Things..." Lightning muttered. The cloud wobbled slightly and he shuddered.

"Well were these...things worth it?"

"Ya bet your flank they were..." He said with a weak smile. Hmm.... Judging by that hungry look Dash is giving him, I'd say he's getting lucky tonight. Then I flew back over to Dash.

"Oh by the way... How the hell is he not falling to his death right now?" I asked  as the cloud wobbles again and he clings on for his life.

"I had Twilight enchant him so he can spend the night..." Rainbow said casually, still giving Lighting that hungry look. Ok...I'm done hearing about this.

"Ok... Can we get on with the job training?" I ask, quickly getting irritated. Rainbow shook herself out of the trance.

"See.... About that..." She started to say with a nervous smile as she tapped her hooves together. I deadpaned and awaited bad news.

"You see... the rest of the weather team wants to see if you've got what it takes to be a weather pony, and they told me not to train you until you at least do the beginner course...." She said nervously awaiting my reaction. Hm...ok....I'm not upset.... Not upset... Ok a little bit. I honestly should have expected something like this because she's not the only one on the team. I groaned in annoyance then rubbed my forehead.

"Ok...when?"

"Anytime."

"What's on the course?"

"Oh its honestly really easy... Just fly through a couple rings, bust a few clouds and make a small tornado..."

"Ok that sounds prett-WHAT??!" I suddenly shouted.

"You have to make a small tornado..."

"...I can't even describe how upset I am with this fucking world right now..." I said as a vien on my forehead almost pops.

"Why?"

"Just....fuck physics.... The first law of physics in Equestria is to say fuck the laws just shit Rainbows" I said with a frown. Rainbow and Lightning look at me in confusion.

"Ah don't get i-"

"Just show me the damn course..."

Rainbow starts to chuckle and instead of leading me anywhere she simply points up. A few hundred feet up was the bullshit she was describing. A couple rings that resemble Hulla hoops suspended by clouds, a few clouds put in front of the hoops for busting, and lastly a large area where I assume I'm supposed to make the tornado. I looked at it and nodded.

"How do I bust clouds?"

"Just fly through them."

"And the tornado?"

"Fly really fast in a tight circle until it appears..."

"Cool. Let's do it."

"Alright give me like... 5 minutes to get the girls and meet me up there."

"Alright... Go ahead..." I said calmly. Rainbow nodded then took off. A moment later she quickly zipped back.

"Oh yeah I almost forgot... These girls don't know you're Dawn, so you'll have to make a good impression on them!" Dash said as she flew off again, leaving me and Lightning floating there.

"..."

"So...are ya gonna ace it partner?"

"I really hope I don't at this point... I don't know if I would manage to stay sane while frolicking on clouds and seeing double rainbows. But money is money..." I said with a laugh.

"Ah guess things don't work like this where ya come from?"

"Nope... Clouds do what the fuck they want to do, and you can't stand on them..."

"Wow... I can't even imagine that..." Lightning said with a laugh making me deadpan.

"Welp have fun!" I said with a smirk as I take off toward the obstacle course. His eyes widened and his ears drooped down.

"WHERE IN TARNATION ARE YOU GOIN? COME BACK!"

"I'm sure your girlfriend will swing by dude! You'll be fine!" I said with a shit eating smirk.

"YOU BUCKER! GET THE HAY BACK HERE!" He screamed as he clinged to the cloud. I snickered then broke into full laughter. Then I stopped suddenly and my eyes widened.

What if he DOES falls?

"..."

Yeah...I should probably go back and get him.




...

There was a group of 5 judgmental looking pegasus girls whom I've never met nore want to meet staring at me as I stood on the starting line.

"Alright... Drift. You may begin when you're ready..." One of the mares said. Then Rainbow pat my back.

"Im sure you'll nail it dude! Just be 19% more awesome!" Rainbow encouraged. I nodded then did a double take.

"19%?"

"Because only I'm the full 20%!" She said with her trademark ego. I shook my head, spread my wings and hunched down. The second I did I saw one of the pegasi blush and quickly wrote something down. Ugh....I need to get this bullshit over with already.

"Here goes absolutely nothing...." I say as I take off, blowing everyone's mane in their faces. Rainbow was right about the course being easy. The rings took me through a few corkscrews and some loops, and a thing that reminded me of a double helix. I went through them all at staggering speeds. Then it straightened out a bit when it got to the cloud busting part. I just did what Rainbow said and hoped for the best and sure enough I was fucking up some clouds. What she DIDN'T tell me is that busting a cloud kinda....stings...just a little bit.

I could hear ponies cheering for me but I didn't have time to look because it was time to..."make" a twister.

"This better not work..." I said to myself as I stopped for a moment then started flying in a tight circle. Sure enough that shit actually worked....a little to well. The tornado started to rapidly expand, sucking nearby clouds in and getting bigger. Then this weird black Lightning started to spark out of it.

"Oh crap..." I muttered as the tornado started to go out of control and suck up parts of the course. Then a Rainbow streaked past me and started going around the tornado until it dissipated. Then Rainbow flew over to me looking slightly pissed.

"For the record you never told me how to stop the thing..."

"Just fly in the OPPOSITE direction... Duh!"

"Hey don't DUH me! This shit shouldn't even be possible in the first place!"

"Whatever dude. Just come get your results..." Rainbow said with a facehoof as she flew back to the start of the course and I followed. When we landed back at the starting cloud the mares looked at me speechless.

"Uh...sorry about the course..." I said as I rubbed the back of my neck and smiled nervously. They remained silent so Rainbow spoke up.

"Eh... We've been meaning to replace that old thing anyways, don't sweat it..." She said with a laugh. Then Lightning walked over to me.

"That was a mighty fine performance, but what was all that black lightnin about?" He asked.

"Honestly I couldn't tell you dude..." I say, scratching my head. I turned back to the judges, who were blushing furiously.

"So... Do I pass or wh-"

"Yes"

"Definitely"

"11/10"

"Ooooh yeah"

"I came"

...

"Ok....so I can leave now?"

"We have to inspect your wings first!" The 5 of them said symeltanously, a hungry look in their eyes. Yeah....no. I deadpanned and looked at Lighting and Rainbow.

" I'm gonna go bake a cake or something bye!" I said as I hopped off the cloud and dove toward Ponyville. Thankfully they didn't give chase like Applejack did, there's no doors to slam in their faces nearby. I suppose I could conjure some.

...

After a half crash landing and a few profanities I was transformed back to dawn and walking toward Sugar Cube Corner, completely exhausted and in pain. Well... At least I dont have to lift heavy things, I thought as I walked into the establishment. Then...things got strange...

The place was completely empty, nobody in line whatsoever, which is strange for this place because its usually packed. Another strange thing I noticed was nobody was at the counter. Usually... Uh... Ms cake or something will be there. But the place was empty and dead silent.

"Pinkie?" I call out cautiously.

Silence.

Ok....are they busy or something? She said I could come Today, so where the fuck is she at?

"Hi Dawn"

"Hi Pinkie"

...

"Woah!" I exclaimed as Pinkie fell from the ceiling. Then she just flashed that huge smile of hers.

"Uh...why?" I ask puzzled, making her giggle.

"I saw this spider hanging from the ceiling and it looked like fun! So I tried it!" She explained.

"Uh...ok then... thats...good to know..." I mutter awkwardly. Then realizatuon dawned and I freaked out....

"Where's the spider!?" I blurt nervously. Pinkie giggled again. Then she stuck her hoof out and there was the...biggest....fattest....spider I've ever seen.

"Here it is! You want to meet him?" Pinkie asked innocently. I took a single step back and froze.

Don't freak out dont freak out Don't fre-

Then she tossed the spider at me and it landed on my muzzle.

"..."

"Here! I'm sure you two will be good frien-"

"wwwWWAAAAAAH! GET THIS MOTHERFUCKER OFF ME!" I shrieked as I flipped a shit and screamed like a little bitch. Pinkie took the spider off of me and walked over to a window, letting it crawl out if  like nothing happened. Then she walked over to me giggling again.

"Haha! You're silly Dawn..." She said with a blush.

"Oh god my head...my head..." I moaned in pain as I got up off the floor from slamming into a table. Now my body is really in pain. Ok...focus...get the job done so you can leave!

"Alright Pinkie can we start baking things? Or whatever it is you do?" I ask, rubbing my head. Pinkie zips behind the counter then smiles nervously.

"Um...I kinda... Made everything already...." She said, tapping her front hooves together. I dead panned and sighed in annoyance.

"Then...what do you even need me to do?" I demand. I'm honestly kind of upset that I can't bake anything. Baking shit is kinda fun and I was curious about how Pinkie makes her cakes so damn good. Pinkie looked for something under the counter then she slammed a large box onto the counter.

"Deliver!" She said with a smile. I sat there completely lost, I didn't know this place delivered.

"Really? Since when?"

"Since always! Everypony usually just comes in and makes their orders but today nopony showed up..." She said, her smile faltering slightly.

"Everypony has been acting funny today...like they're all planning surprise parties!" She adds rubbing her chin in thought. I shouldn't be surprised that she's a bit clueless on the whole mating season thing, I can't see her as the romantic type anyway. Then she brightened up and smiled.

"Anyway... Mr. and Mrs. cake are taking a... short vacation, and I don't know where they went, so I need you to deliver this cake!" She said with a smile. I nodded and looked at the address tag.

"Uh...this is addressed to the castle..."

"Yup yup!"

"Does that mean I have to ride the train?" I ask with fake disappointment. As far as she knows I'm just a unicorn.

"No! Can't you fly Derrick?" She said casually.

"Yeah but I...."

...

Wait. did she just call me Derrick?

"Can't you turn into stuff now?" She asked curiously. I facehoof and shake my head. How the hell did she know? I'm going to kill whoever told her.

"Yeah...but how the hell did you know that?"

"Lucky guess!" She said with a shrug, making me groan. Then she zipped next to me and looked up to me.

"Wow...I can't believe you're really DJ..." She said with sparkling eyes.

"Yes I am.... But you can't tell anyone ok? Its a secret!" I said  seriously. Then I smirk.

"Promise?"

Pinkie salutes me and tries to imitate a royal guard.

"You can count on me Derrick! I Pinkie promise! " She said with a face that I couldn't help but laugh at.

"Ok good... I guess I'll be delivering this cake by air then..." I said as I turn into a pegasus and grab the thing off the counter. Its not heavy but I can tell that I'll struggle with it if I'm forced to carry it too long.

"Just follow the instructions on the tag. Everything is paid for already" She said with a rapid nod. Then she came over to me.

"Thank you for this DJ..." She said in a calmer tone. Before I could question it, she gave me a kiss on the cheek that made me freeze. Then she pulled away and blushed, giggling softly.

"Uh....you're welcome... " I said with a nervous smile, flushed as I hold the box securely and start floating out.

"See ya tomorrow!" She said with a wave. I nodded then left the building and started heading toward Canterlot.

Then Pinkie's innocent smile immediately changed into a mischievous one.

"Yes Pinkie....you and him will have fun tomorrow.... Lots of fun...hehe..." She said to herself. Then she narrowed her eyes.

"Soon..."

...

Flying with this big box in my hooves  was awkward as hell. I almost dropped the damn thing twice and one time I actually did but I managed to catch it. I checked the cake and it was still completely intact much to my relief. It took me a little longer then usual to get to Canterlot for obvious reasons but once I was there I set down inside the castle gate. The guards checked but backed off once they saw who I was. I turned into a human and sighed in relief when I realized how easy holding the box was going to be with hands. Ah... good old hands!

Let's see here... Pinkie said just follow the instructions on the tag and the tag is telling me to deliver to the throne room. Ok...time to get lost!

...

I am so fucking proud of myself right now. I actually FOUND the room I was looking for in the castle, without asking anyone!

The guards let me pass and I walked into the throne room. I couldn't help but marvel at the thing. The room was fucking HUGE and the walls had all these neat stained glass windows. I haven't been in this room since I was drunk as fuck and sleepy as hell, so this stuff was new to me. At first I thought it was random art but I started to see that they kinda tell a story. Of course I didn't understand any of it, but some things made some sense. There was a particular set of windows that stood out to me.

It looked like Luna transformed into something, then Celestia confronted her, then zapped her with the chaos emeralds then she flew into the moon...

...

Huh... that doesn't seem right...

"That was a dark day..." Someone said behind me making me jump slightly. I turned and saw Princess Celestia with a forlorn expression as she walked next to me. Oh...I should have known she ordered this fucking cake.

"Yeah....looks like it was..." I muttered. Then Celestia walked over to one of the last few windows then smiled warmly.

"But this...was...probably the happiest day of my life..."

She was smiling at a window that had Twilight and her friends on it. Twilight was wearing this tiara thingie and her friends had on these necklace things. Then in the center of them all stood Celestia and Luna in an embrace.

"The day my little sister returned..." She said with a smile then she turned to me.

"Do you know the story of Nightmare Moon?" She asked me. I furrowed my brow and shook my head.

"Not really.... I heard Luna fucked some shit up and got hit with the magic ban hammer or something..." I said with a shrug. Celestia cringed at my vulger summary but managed to snicker.

"I believe it is a story that she should tell you herself... One day..." She said trailing off. Oooor I could ask Twilight because she knows everything, but ok.

"Welp here's your cake..." I said as I set the box down in front of her and sighed in relief. She saw it and her mood instantly cranked up a notch.

"Ah yes! I'd almost forgotten!" She said happily as she immediately snatched the box off the ground and opened it. When she saw it she moaned with pleasure and licked her lips making me freak out a little.

"I didn't expect you to be working for Pinkie Pie so soon..." She muttered without looking at me.

"Yeah...I was supposed to bake stuff, but she needed a favor so I guess I deliver shit now..." I said with a shrug. Celestia started walking back to her large throne and I followed. She sat down and smiled at me.

"So...how has your day been?" She asked curiously.

"Oh its been ok...besides that thing that's making people act up..."

"Oh?"

"Yeah...Applejack tried to give me a physical...with her mouth..." I muttered casually. Celestia's smile faultered... Well I think it did.... I might be seeing shit.

"The worst part is I was actually considering letting her do it too!" I add with a shrug and a laugh. This time I swear I heard the sound of glass cracking.

"What the hell was that?" I asked as I looked around. Celestia didn't answer me she just kept smiling, except her eye was twitching.

"Uh...are you ok?"

"YES!"

"Ok then..." I muttered as I smiled nervously.

"So how was your day?" I said as I casually sat next to her in her throne chair. Celestia managed to keep that same smile but I saw a drop of sweat run down her forehead.

"It was slow..." She said. Still holding the smile.

"Huh...get any crazy stallions chase after you yet?"

"Always..." She quipped.

"Oh...ok.." I said with a snicker. I looked at her again and I noticed her hind legs were trembling. Uh...isn't that one of the symptoms Mac warned me about?

"Do you plan to participate in the season?" Celestia asked me bluntly.

"Uh...not really...." I said carefully. Then whatever glass cracked earlier just got completely shattered. If I didn't know better I'd say the noise came from Celie's head.

"Wh....why not?"

"I'm still not comfortable with idea of...mating with ponies...but a lot has changed recently so you never know..." I admit, nudging her side playfully. I stopped when I saw a single spark go from her horn. Her wings look like they were on the verge of exploding open. My eyes widened and I started to realize what was happening to her.

Retreat Derrick....

NOW

I immediately shot up out of the chair and started walking away.

"Uh sorry Tia... There was this important thing...that I had to Do... That I didn't remember until a second ag- bye!" I say as I quickly left the room before she could say anything. Then I immediately started sprinting down the hall, surprising the guards at the door. Both guards looked at each other with a worried expression and they immediately opened the throne room door. What they saw was a Completely Flustered Princess Sinking into her chair, with quivering hindlegs. She let out a deep breath she was holding and her wings suddenly extended and became stiff. There was a firework show above her head and her expression was pure bliss.

The guards looked at each other then smirked.

"That guy really finishes fast..."

They laughed then closed the door gently. Celestia took a few deep breaths and tried to calm herself down. She cursed herself for almost losing her composure right there in the throne room.

"Derrick is your friend....not a pleasure device..." She said to herself.

Right?

That kiss was way too intement for him to be a simple "friend..."

Dont worry about it... You all had a little to Drink that night...

But you felt so at home in his arms so safe and secure...

Get a grip! You've been able to control your urges for countless centuries and you're going to let an attractive freind break you? No! She thought angrily.

Are you going to let the fact that he might rut other mares upset you?! NO!

"..."

Ok a little bit...

Then she sat up in her chair.

You can do this... Just a few more days and the urges go away. Just keep yourself stable around Derrick until then... She thought with a determined expression. Then a more important thought popped into her head.

Should I even bother holding myself back?

...

All my obligations for the day are filled so I'm basically going to high tail it home before any more mares want to give me a physical.

"Derrick? Do you have a moment? " Someone said behind me. I turned to see a familiar black and white mare.

"Dr.Bright?" I say in surprise.

"Yes, I despritly require your assistance...." She said with her signature stoic expression. I didn't see her displaying any symptoms, so I shrugged and nodded.

"Sure why not?" I said. She nodded then turns and starts to walk pretty fast.

"Please hurry... It's very important..." She said as she started to lead me somewhere. I sighed and follow after her. I wonder what she needs? As long as I'm not lifting things I don't really care.

We walked for a good few minutes until we came to a door. She opened it with her magic then walked in. I hesitated because it was dark as shit in there. I walked in slowly and carefully so i don't knock something down in the darkness. Then some dim candles sparked to life revealing Dr.Bright. Staring at me with her striking red eyes... And a smile?

"So...what did you need from me?" I ask, starting to get nervous.

"I need you..." She said simply.

"..."

She started to giggle at my blank reaction, something I didn't think was possible. She sighed and took her glasses off and flipped her hair out of her face.

" I suppose this is when the proverbial fecal matter hits the metaphorical air cleaning device..." She muttered. I still stood there, looking like a goldfish as I processed the situation.

"It is that time of year where all mares are at their peak of emotion. Unfortunately these urges that the season bring are very distracting and counter productive to my studies. These urges tend to susbside if they are satsified through fornicating, thus leaving me with a difficult question to ask stallions..." She explained. I nodded, mind blown at this point.

"To put it simply... I want you to completely Ravage my pony pussy until I cry and beg for mercy..." She said casually.

...

Ok...that was....that just happened.

"I understand if you refuse, after all you are not familiar with Equestria. However you are the most desirable mate and I would be thrilled to have intercourse with you. If you refuse I will simply seek out another." She stated with a half lidded expression.

Wow...I can't believe... She really just.... Well... At least she asked me nicely.

"Uh...I have to think about it...I'm kinda busy..." I said shakingly as I started to step back toward the door.

"I understand... Well... I will patiently await your Decision..." She said with a sincere smile.

"Uh...huh...see ya..." I say as I slip out of the door and close it behind me.

"..."

Should I be worried I didn't say no? Like seriously The word "Yes" almost slipped out of my mouth. Dr.Bright is actually really fuckin hot. This week is going to get weird real fast. I tried to shrug off the thought as I made my way toward the castle exit.

...

It was now much much later in the day, in fact it was actually nightime. I was just doing my new daily routine and chilling on Twilight's balcony as a Unicorn. I've been doing it for the past few days because its honestly really relaxing out here....

...

OK I'm bullshitting you. The REAL reason i sit on the balcony, is because this is the spot Luna and I chill at. But now that I think about it, I should probably go back inside. Mac must have told me to avoid her for a reason...

"Hi Derrick..."

"Hi Luna..."

"Fuck!" I say loudly as I jump. Luna was standing next me giggling Lightly. Shit! She's right fucking there! I need to escape! I started to slowly back away from her with a fake smile.

"Sorry Luna. I can't hang out right now because I'm really busy and I have to g-"I started to blurt but she stopped me by extending her wing.

FUCK!

I started to sweat nervously as I turned back to her. She looked as calm as ever, displaying no symptoms whatsoever. She sighed then looked down.

" I just wanted to talk...thats it..." She said seriously. I swallowed my tounge and nodded.

"Somewhere else..." She added as she looked through the windows, where Twilight was blankly staring at us.

"Um...ok..." I said as i turned into a Pegasus and walked to the edge of the balcony. I turned back to her and she looked surprised?

"What?"

"I uh...forgot...that you could um...do that..." She stuttered. I gave her a suspicious look and stared. I don't remember Luna stuttering like that...

"But I do it all the time..."

"Yeah...um sorry!" She said with a nervous smile. I looked at her with my "the fuck?" Expression. What is she apologizing for? And why does she look so nervous? Oh yeah.. Personality changes. Just talk to her and barricade yourself at Twilight's, you can do this.

"Ok...lead the way..." I say impatiently. She hesitates then nods, taking off into the sky. We fly silently for a little bit then land on a lonely hill not too far from Twilight's. I feel like I'm walking right into a rut....I should make this quick.

"Alright I'm all ears..." I say as I lay down in the grass and close my eyes. I hear Luna lay down next to me and sigh.

"Things are not as they seem..." She said. My ears twitch and I sit up and glare at her. She stares back with a stoic expression.

"What the hell does that mean?" I demand. Luna says nothing, she just gets this really creepy grin that makes me shiver. Then out of nowhere 4......no 8 of her night guards appear out of nowhere. They all start closing in on me walking slowly and chuckling to themselves. Then one of them flashed green for a second then they....they....oh my god what the fucking hell?!

I watched in horror as the guard changed. He was now a sickly gray color, he had blue eyes and a crooked horn with a crooked fanged smile to match. He also had these insect like wings and and...holes dotting his entire body... Like someone fucking hole punched his legs. The worst part was, the remaining 7 guards went through the same transformation.

I nervously scooted toward Luna and whispered in her ear.

"Please tell me this is just a fucked up fetish of yours..." I say. Luna turns to me and laughs.

"Things are not as they seem..." She repeated cripticly as she stood up. Then she started to change like the others. She pretty much looked the same as the others except she had green diseased looking hair and striking reptile like green eyes....those eyes...look familiar.

I Stood up and shivered nervously. I'm surround and outnumbered... By....whatever these nasty fuckers are. Wait... I can just fly off right now! But something is stopping me... Am I paralyzed by fear? I honestly never knew that was real...

Nevermind, there is this green magic bullshit keeping my wings shut. Fuck me.

"My my.....they really weren't kidding about your looks..." The tall not Luna, zombie Alicorn looking thing said to me in a seductive voice.

"Alright what the fuck is this shit..." I say throwing my hoofs in the air in annoyance. I bet this is some pony subspecies I've never heard of...

"Hm...a bit of a bad mouth too..."

"Bitch who are you?"

"Oh you're not referring to me are you?" She said, pretending to be offended.

"No im talking to the swiss cheese... Oh wait.... thats all of you..." I quip. The not Luna thing's ears drooped for a moment then it laughed. Apprantly It has a sense of humor.

"Ah...a smart mouth as well... Fine I will answer..." It said as it started to slowly walk toward me. They have me completely boxed in and I can't fly. Which means theres no point In backing up into them. So I shakingly stood my ground.

"I am Chrysalis... Queen of the changelings..." It announced with a confident smirk. Changelimgs huh? They look like a cross between a pony, a bug and cheese... God that's a lame joke.

"...and you are about to become my loyal slave... My handsome friend..." She said as she licked her lips with her snake tounge. AHA! Bitch you thought I was about to be your slave!

"Yeah... How about hell no, You're going to have to try harder than that..." I say with a serious expression as I stand ready. I'm debating whether I should try and knock out one of the changelings and make a run for it. Chrysalis scoffed and laughed again, still getting closer with each step.

"Oh but I dont have to..." She said cripticly. I tilt my head in confusion. Before I can think of anything witty to say, Chrysalis's eyes suddenly glowed green. A moment later my vision started to go green and my head started hurting. Then it all just... stopped.

Ok...not sure what that was supposed to do.

Chrysalis sighed in satisfaction then suddenly turned around and started walking away.

"Ok my slave, let's return to the hive...there is much rutting to be done and I have eggs to lay!" she said in a chipper tone, happily trotting away.

"I said I wasn't planning to rut anyone today and I ment it!" I bark. Chrysalis's ears twitch and she turns back to me looking absolutely livid. That look put chills down my spine and anymore potential insults i had for her died in my throat.

"My queen... It seems the mind control spell has failed..." One of the changelings said. Chrysalis's eye started to twitch and she turned to fully face me.

"If he is not under your control we cannot extract the love from him! He is useless to us!" Another said.

...

Ok I'm confused now.

"If he escapes he will tell the Princess of our presence!" Another said, taking a step toward me. I switched to my Unicorn form and started charging my magic and powering up to my first base.

"The solutions is simple then hatchlings..." Chrysalis said, narrowing her eyes on me.

"We kill him..." She said coldly.

And thats my cue.

I used the magic I charged to fire a laser into the nearest changling. It let out a inhuman screech then toppled over. One down, 8 to go! Chrysalis just seemed to stand there as the remaining 7 changlings came after me. The closest one grabbed onto my back and sunk its teeth into my shoulder. I cried out in pain, angrily swatting it off my back and onto the ground.

"Go find something to eat in hell!" I yelled angrily as I fired a beam straight through it. Welp changling number two isn't getting up...ever.

Another one reached me and it tryed to punch me in the face, but I dropped down and kicked one of its hoofs. I heard an audible snap as it shreaked in pain. Then I used my magic to grab it and quickly spun him around and tossed him at a changling that tried to flank me. The two went flying far off, hitting two more changlings in the process. Another One of them reached for my legs so I jumped into the air and stepped on its head. I heard a crunch and it didn't get up afterwards.

"Heh its like squashing a bug!" I said with a laugh. Another changeling came after me but I just knocked it asside with a wave of magic like nothing. The changelings that I tossed a body at got up and started running at me.

"Alright what is that now...5 down? You need better minions Chrysa-"

I couldn't even finish that sentence.

I didn't even see her move but her hoof is now firmly pressed up against my cheek. Then a moment later my cheek exploded in pain and I was sent flying into the ground at blinding speed. I grunted painfully as i bounced off the ground a few times then came to a stop on my back. I sat there twitching and groaning In pain, my head throbbing. I can't feel my cheek... Or my face....or my neck...or my brain.

Then with a flash I returned to my human form and passed out....

Queen Chrysalis and her remaining Changling slowly descend on Derrick. One of them yelled a battle cry.

"I will finish him off my queen!" It said. But Chrysalis stopped it with a hoof.

"No...take the dead and wounded and return to the hive..."

"But my queen..."

"NOW!" She barked.

The changling nodded and the rest of them complied. Taking their fallen comrades and flying off.

Now alone with the human she walked over to and stood over him. She charged up her horn and pointed it at him. She could sense the element of magic approaching, so she had to finish him quick. She aimed her horn at the humans head.

Do it!

But...he's hot!

He's useless to you!

But...I couldn't hurt someone that cute!

You must!

But he's SOOOO SEXY!

She started to sweat and tremble slightly. She took another look at him, laying on the ground helplessly and sighed. She looked down in defeat and eased her magic.

She couldn't kill him.

She came closer to him and rested a hoof on his chest... He was still breathing... Barely.

"If only we could be together... Truely..." She said with a forlorn expression. She felt the element of magic nearby and winced. She quickly healed him and used a light memory spell so he wouldn't remember what happened here then left, flying off into the night in sadness. A few moments later Twilight ran up to DJ.

...

"Derrick?"

"Huh....what..." I muttered tiredly.

"Why are you lying in the middle of a Field?"

...

Why AM I lying in a Field?

I quickly jumped up and dusted myself off.

"Thats a very good question Twilight..." I muttered.

"I felt a surge in your magic so I came to check on you... But you were taking a nap..." She said timidly.

"I must of slept pretty deeply... I dont remember coming out here at all..." I say as I scratch my head.

"Hmm...well you seem alright..." Twilight said, glancing over me with a nod. Then she started galloping Back toward her house.

"Why are you in such a hurry?" I ask as I start running to catch up with her.

"Spike went into the bathroom and hasn't come out yet!"

"So? maybe he's taking a dumb?"

"For 3 HOURS?"

"...uh Taco Bell?"

"Taco WHAT?"

"Forget it..."

We ran in the house and closed the door behind us. Then Twilight led me upstairs and we stood outside of the bathroom door.

"Spike? Are you ok in there?" Twilight called out.

No answer.

"Are you sure he's even in there?"

"I know he is because I heard him move!"

*shuffle*

"See!?"

"Ok then..."

"Spike please come out! We're worried about you!"

"Yeah come in out or I'm gonna French kiss Rarity!" I joked. I heard something slame inside the bathroom then i heard footsteps coming toward the door. Heh... Someone is salty!

The door unlocked and the slowly cracked open. Twilight and I instinctively looked down expecting to see spike standing there but instead there was a pair of legs. Wait...what? Twilight and I slowly looked up and gasped.

"Your not seriuos right DJ?" Spike said in a deep teenage voice. Twilight and I slowly looked at each other, our jaws on the floor.

"Spike? Is that...y...you?"

"...well...I guess someone's balls decided to drop today..."

> Act 6 part 2: Finally!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 6 part 2: Finally!

"Well... This would make you the third person to match or surpass my height... " I said with wide eyes, as I stare at the dragon in awe. He nervously stepped out of the bathroom and closed the door. Twilight and I were looking at spike, who must have eaten a super mushroom or some shit because he's fucking huge now! His scales and spikes got longer and sharper, along with all of his teeth and claws. His snout got longer and less round. His arms and legs were now much longer with significantly more muscle. The biggest change by far was the large set of dragon wings that he had now.

"Well, I'd say you're officaly a giant fire breathing badass now!" I said with a respectful nod. Twilight just kept staring wordlessly at him. He seemed to be slightly embarrassed but also very excited about his new body. I turned into my human form and was surprised when I didn't have to look down to meet his eyes. I think he's as tall as Luna now?

"Damn dude...welcome to the height club! How does it feel to look down on ponies instead of up?" I ask, patting his back.

"It feels really weird, like everything shrunk." He muttered with uncertainty.

"Well this explains why you were so sick this week! You were about to have a growth spurt!" Twilight said with a wide smile, finally saying something.

"Wait till everyone sees you dude!" I said with a chuckle. That sentence seemed to change his mood a bit. He stopped standing on his hindlegs and went down to all fours, reducing his height signifigantly. Twilight and I noticed his mood shift and got concerned.

"What's the matter Spike?" Twilight asked.

"What if everypony is afraid of me?" He asked with a sniff.

Shit... Didn't think about that did I?

"What? Dont be silly Spike! Its still you!" Twilight said with a wave of her hoof.

"Don't worry about it!" I said with a laugh. He doesn't look scary to me! Then again... Fear is a hit or miss thing with me. Sometimes I'm scared to death of something and sometimes I figuratively shit my pants.

"Ok if you say so." Spike said with a shrug as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"How old are you again?" I asked curiously.

"Like 9..." Spike muttered. I stared at him in disbelief, then Twilight decided to cut in.

"Well by pony standards he would still be a young colt. However, a year for a dragon is more like two for a stallion." Twilight explained.

"What, So he's like 18 now?" I reason.

"Essentially!" Twilight confirmed with a nod.

"Damn..." I muttered, I folding my arms.

"How old are you DJ?" Spike asks curiously.

"I'm 21..." I said plainly. To that Twilight gasps.

"Really? I'm only 19!" Twilight says with a giggle. Then she looks at me curiously.

"Is 21 young for a human?" She asks curiously.

"Yep! 21 is the legal age for achohol in my country and my brain won't technically be 100% developed until I'm around 25. I guess that's why I'm still not the most mature guy at times." I explain.

"Hmm... interesting" Twilight says as she rubs her muzzle. Before anyone could say anything, Spike opened his mouth wide and yawned.

"We'll everypony, I'm going to bed." Spike said, with tired written all over his face.

"Um, about that..." Twilight said with a nervous smile.

"What?" Spike and I said at the same time.

"Well now that spike's a BIG boy now..." Shes said, trailing off.

"Oh. I can't fit in that bed anymore." Spike said with a deadpan expression.

"Ok just use my bed for tonight then." I muttered uncaringly. I just want to get to sleep now. I yawned and walked down the stairs. "Goodnight." I said as I plopped myself on the couch. They returned their good nights and I quickly dozed off.

...

I woke up to the sound of someone knocking on the door. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Twilight quickly rush over to it. She opened it to reveal Flash timidly standing outside. The hell is he doing here? Oh right, him and Twilight are an item.

"Sup Flash... " I mutter groggingly.

"Hey DJ, long time no see! Are you just getting up?" He asks with a laugh.

"No. I just like acting sleepy as fuck when people show up..." I said sarcastically. He scoffed and rolled his eyes. Before he could say anything smart back, his eyes suddenly widened and he looked like he was going to shit himself. I turned around to see Spike happily walking over with two plates of his amazing pancakes. His happnies faded when he saw Flash's frightened expression.

"See! I told you everypony would be afraid!" Spike pouted. I quickly stood up and laughed.

"Chill out bro! Flash is just a pussy!" I quip, making Flash facehoof. Spike rolls his eyes and sits on the couch next to me.

"Whatever you say DJ..." Spike muttered as he handed me one of plates he was holding.

"Thanks!" I said. Then I happily dig into the food. Spike and I are just sitting there devouring pancakes while Flash stands there tapping his hoof and whistling awkwardly. Then Twilight came and gave Spike and I an odd look. The silence in the room got worse when we looked up from our food and stopped chewing.

"So. Flash. What brings you here today?" I ask, piercing the silence.

"Oh...um...Twilight told me to come over today. Something about spending quality alone time." He said with a nervous smile. I slowly turned my head to Spike and he looked at me cluelessly. I set my plate down and sighed.

"Spike, let's go on a walk." I tell him seriously.

"What? Why?"

"Just come on dude its important. I'll explain outside!"

"You're not going to explain the birds and the bees to me are you? Because I already know about them and I'm old enough to Rut now anywa-"

"I know! Just come outside!"

"But...but... I didn't finish my pancakes!"

"Fuck the pancakes, we're leaving!" I said as I snatch him out of the seat with my magic.

"Ok! ok! Sheesh." Spike pouts, finally cooperating. Then he hesitates again and slowly raised his hand.

"Can I at least finish my panca-"

"NOW!"

We both waved too the couple and left the house as quickly as we could, slamming the door behind us. The moment we got out I transformed into Dawn. Spike almost roared and started shaking me vigorously.

"WHY DID WE HAVE TO LEAVE?" He screamed in my face.

"Calm down! Couldn't you tell what we were messing up?" I demand as he stops shaking me.

"What were we messing up? We were just eating pancakes!" He said with a twitching eye.

"We were messing up Twilight's booty call!" I said as I motion for him to follow me away from her house. Spike follows me with a puzzled expression.

"Why else do you think she called Flash over?" I said with a disapointed expression.

"Maybe to spend quality time with him?" Spike said with a raised brow.

"Pfft. More like, to spend quality time with his dick..." I quip, getting him to cringe.

"Ew! You obviously don't know Twilight well if you think that's why..." He said with a snort.

"Oh yeah lets rephrase that. She called him over to study his dick, FOR SCIENCE." I corrected with a shit eating grin. Spike blinks for a second then starts snickering.

"That sounds more like her!" He said before we both errupted in laughter. When we stopped with both stood there awkwardly.

"So what now?" Spike asks with a stretch, as I rub my chin in thought.

"Well you have fucking wings now soooo...." I said, trailing off with a deadpan expression. Spike looked to his sides and extended his large scaled wings.

"Right...forgot about those..." He said with a laugh. Then he started to frown.

"I have no idea how to use them." He said flatly.

"I'm not exactly a veteren dude. Celestia only taught me the basics." I said with a shrug. His eyes widened slightly, making me raise my brow.

"What?"

"Huh? Oh nothing. It's just that I'm surprised the Princess had time to do something like that." He muttered.

"Really?"

"Yeah! She's usually really busy. You must be important to her if she sets aside the time to hang out with you." He explained. I nodded and slowly looked down to my hooves, my cheeks feeling a little hot.

"Maybe." I said quietly. Then when I looked up Spike was giving me this knowing look. I slowly frown at him and he starts snickering.

"You totally like her dude!" He teased as he bumped me in the arm.

"Shut up spike..."

"Hahaha! You totally want her to examine YOUR dick for sci-" he started to say before I gave him a hard knock in the shoulder. He retaliates by punching me so hard it, actually makes me stumble and groan.

"OW! What the hell Spike!?" I bark in pain. Spike chuckles and those things on the side of his face (his ears?) drooped slightly.

"Sorry bro! I guess I don't know my own strength!" He said with a shrug. I fixated him with an angry look, Then zapped his arm with a weak laser, making him yelp. Now it was my turn to laugh obnoxiously. Before I could comment on his baby like pouting he opened his mouth wide and suddenly a green flame shot from his it and lit my side on fire. My eyes widened and I started to shriek and flail around.

"DAMN FIRE BREATHING LIZARD!" I screamed. Spike panicked and tried tapping the fire out but him trying to tap it out not only spread the flame, it also made it alot more painful because this motherfucker is heavy handed now. So basically there was this comical moment where I ran around flailing while essentily getting beat down by him. This obviously caused a scene. A large crowd of ponies started to form around us, making Spike nervous. Me? Well I was to busy STILL ON FIRE!

"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLEY SOMEPONY PUT THIS OUT!" I scream at the top of my lungs. Thankfully, before I became a charred chrisp, I was suddenly showered with rain water. I looked up and saw Rainbow dash sitting on a cloud with a smirk.

"*huff* Took you long enough! " I said as I sighed in relief. Then I turned back to Spike angrily.

"Well thanks to you I'm rocking a dark spot like a fucking cow..." I muttered. Spike just grinned nervously.

*ahem*

I looked up and Dash was on the cloud tapping it like she was waiting for something. I sat there and scratched my head, making her clear her throat again.

"Oh I forgot. Thanks for the save Dash." I said realizing what she wanted. She beamed then hopped off the cloud and landed next to us. She immediately looked up at spike in awe, as did the crowd that was quickly surrounding us. The Ponyville populace started to talk and whisper among themselves.

"Did you see that? That dragon attacked Dawn!"

"Holy hay!"

"It looked more like an accident to me..."

"Yeah you're right!"

"That dragon looks familiar!"

"Yeah...looks kinda like Spike..."

"Yeah..."

"hey wait a second! It IS Spike!"

"No way!"

"He's grown into a big stallion.. Er...Dragon..."

"Wow! I can't believe it!"

"I am overcome with surprise!"

"Aww! He ain't that cute little dragon no more..."

"Ain't cute? I think he's even cuter now!"

"I known right!"

Spike's cheeks started to turn red and he stood on all fours, tucking his wings to his sides in an attempt to look more pathetic. Then they all started making observations about Spike's new build until we heard an odd request.

"Oh please Buck me Spike!"

"..."

Everyone in the crowd had this WTF expression on as they parted to reveal a heartstruck red and white Pegasus. When she realized everyone was staring at her she smiled nervously.

"Heh....um..." She stuttered. Then her wings immediately popped open.

"I love you Spike!!!" She cried out, then she zipped away.  Everyone sat there in silence with shocked expressions. I leaned in close to Spike and whispered in his ear.

"You wanted fangirls and now you've got them." I whispered.

"This is not as cool as I thought it would be..." He whispered back.

"Well wait for them to start touching you. Then it just gets creepy!" I tease with a light tap to his side making him frown. Then as if on cue, a pink blur came out of nowhere and basically tackled the poor dragon to the ground.

"Spikey? Is that really you?" Pinkie asked as she bounced up and down like a rabbit on his chest.

"Oof! Yes its-Oof! Me pink-Oof! Stop it!" He said as he gently pushed her aside.

"Wow! You look so cool! Can you breath fire now?" She asked. Spike scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"Of course I can! I've always been able too! Just not as easily as now." He said as he folded his arms. 

"Yeah he breaths fire alright! I experienced that myself..." I said bitterly, to which Spike responds with a smirk.

"Yay! Spike grew some balls party!" Pinkie shouted loudly.

"Wh...what?" Spike said, turning blue in the face. Then the crowd started to cheer at the mention of another Pinkie party, disregarding the outrageous title of said party. Spike just slowly raised his hand to his face and shook his head. Pinkie proceeded to zip over to me beaming brighter than the sun itself.

"Hi dawn! You look like a cow!"

"Kinda almost burned to death a few moments ago."

"That sounds fun! Can I try?"

"..."

"Sure, maybe later." Spike said sarcastically. Pinkie made that fucking "squeee" sound again and everytime I hear that sound I miss being back on my world where shit actually made sense.

"Dawn, come by Sugar Cube Corner please! I'm gonna need your help with something!" Pinkie whispered in my ear. I shrugged and she smiled mischievously, making me raise my brow suspiciously. Why the hell did she smile like that? Before I could question it further she disappeared, leaving a puff of dust shaped like a pony. Then the crowd started to disperse, no doubt getting ready for the party.

After a few moments of silence I turned to Rainbow.

"So where is Lightning?"

"Passed out on my bed, looking devilishly handsome!" She said with a smirk. I slowly raise my hoof to my face and shoke my head.

"Why am I asking? I regret asking! Fuck asking! Never asking again!" I said to myself grumpily as I start to trot away. Spike looks at me curiously and raises his brow.

"Where are you going?"

"Sugar Cube Corner to help Pinkie with the party or something. Want to come?"

"Grrrr.... I was hoping she was joking about that party. I can't show up to something like that!'

"Since when does Pinkie joke about parties? Besides, would you rather stay here or go to Pinkie?" I ask as I casually gesture to the heart struck mares that stayed basically salivating at the sight of him right now. Spike takes a good look around before sighing in defeat. Then he wordlessly starts walking alongside me. Rainbow just shrugs and flies off somewhere. I wanted to question why she was even here in the first place but considering I almost burnt to death it doesn't really matter now.

We walk through the Ponyville streets at heightened awareness, mostly because of all the new attention we were getting. We tried to play it cool and ignore them for the most part but hearing them talk about us gets old pretty fast.

"So have you seen any mares you like?" I said out of the blue with a smirk.

"Nope! None." Spike says confidently.

"Oh really? What about Rarity?"

"What ABOUT Rarity?" Spike says bitterly, taking me by surprise.

"Maybe you have a chance now?"

"Yeah Right. She'll always treat me like her little 'Spikey Wikey' and nothing more. Besides, didn't you say she is with Soarin now?" He says with an angry snort, producing smoke rings that I had to fan off.

"I told you that was a possibility. Just because they were close at that sleepover doesn't mean too much because everyone there was drunk out of their minds!" I said with a reassuring smile. "Besides, Soarin told me he's more of a 'Smash and Dash' type of guy anyway." I add with a chuckle. I notice Spike recoil slightly at the thought before scoffing at me.

"It doesn't matter to me anyways, because I'm over her!" He claims. I give him a look of disbelief and he folds slightly.

"She would be way too scared of me anyways." He adds sheepishly.

"This isn't Fluttershy we're talking about dude. She may have just been waiting for a young dragon hero to sweep her off her hooves and fly off into the sunset. Which you can do pretty easily now!" I said with a laugh. He just stares at me blankly making me laugh harder. He opened his mouth to retort but nothing came to him because deep down I'm pretty sure that was a little fantasy of his.

We arrived at Sugar Cube Corner and the massive sign outside made us both pause. Spike started to slowly frown while I did the opposite and started to smile.

"Yep. she was totally serious!" I teased as I point to the sign above the entrance. It was basically a sign that said "Spike grew a pair party" and it had a crude drawing of him next to two large wallnuts.

"Why am I not surprised?" Spike muttered with a facepalm.

"Dude you just have to accept your fate!" I said with a chuckle as I drag him by the arm to walk inside. I got inside and changed to my human form.

"Maybe if you beg she'll remove the sign?" I suggest with a snicker. At first Spike frowned but then a smug grin came across his face.

"Maybe if you beg, the Princess will let you rut?" He said with a shit eating grin. I slowly narrowed my eyes and he snickered.

"I'm sick of your shit Spike. Where the hell is Pinkie anyway?" I ask as I look around the place. I start to hear steady mumbling that starts to get louder and closer. Then before I could react Rarity and Pinkie casually walked out of a door that I probably should have made a point to notice before. Spike and I froze and stood wordlessly.

"I still think you should change the title of the party Darling, it's quite vulger." Rarity said as she walked out of the door then she saw Spike and I and froze.

"Aww... But Everypony else thought it was ok!" Pinkie protests as she trotted past Rarity, stopping in front of me.

"Hi Derrick! You had a few seconds to change back to Dawn but you didn't silly!" She said cheerfully. Then I realized she was right and I slowly raised my hand to my face. Rarity slowly started to walk toward us looking between Spike and me In complete shock.

"Spiky Wikey?" She whispered. Spike deadpanned and turned his head toward me.

"See? Didn't I tell you?" He started to say with a frustrated look.

"Hey, at least she's not afraid of you." I say with a shrug.

"I'm not afraid. Just very...surprised." Rarity said as she studied Spike up and down. "Wow. Spikey Wikey you've certainly matured into a handsome gentledragon.." Rarity complimented with a faint smile. Spike didn't seem to like that statement.

"Thanks but its not Spikey Wikey, it's just SPIKE." He quipped. Rarity seemed a little embarrassed as she looked down at her hooves.

"I'm terribly sorry. You used to love being called that. " She said timidly.

"Well a lot of things have changed.. Mrs.Rarity." he said with a slightly condescending tone. Rarity raised her brow slightly, looking up at the dragon who looked down on her with impatience. Rarity sighed then turned to me. Ok Im very curious why she's not too surprised to see me in my human from.

She stared up at me with narrowed eyes and I scratched my head nervously.

"..."

"Pinkie told you everything didn't she?"

"Yes she did. And I couldn't really believe it all until now." She said as she gazed up at me. Then she slowly started to narrow her eyes, making me nervous. Then I looked past her at Pinkie and frowned.

"PINKIE! YOU PROMISED!" I barked. Pinkie's hair deflated and she gave me that cute puppy eye look that all these ponies manage to pull off so flawlessly.

"I know Derrick I'm super sorry! I only told her a tency bit but Rarity can be really-"

"-Persuasive" Rarity finished for her. I kinda just nod my head and hope for the best now. Excluding Fluttershy, Pretty much all of Twilight's friends know my secret now, well her main friend circle that is.

Rarity walked within an inch away glaring at me angrily, making me wonder what has her panties in a bunch now.

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me who you were Darling?" Rarity almost hissed.

"Because I don't have to?"

"But you told Pinkie!"

"I didn't tell Pinkie shit. She just magically guessed everything somehow." I protest with an innocent arm gesture.

"She does do that a lot." Rarity muttered as the three of us turned and gave Pinkie a flat browed stare.

"What? You don't like my lucky guesses?" Pinkie said with a giggle. Then she started whispering to the wall or something. Who the fuck is she talking to?

"The author told me that DJ gets luck tonight with somepony!"

"The fuck are you talking about Pinkie?" I ask worriedly.

"Oh nothing... Just talking to the spectators!"

"..."

"Wh...why do I even bother?" I say with a facepalm.

"Anyway, My identity is kinda classified." I say, turning back to Rarity.

"Well that certainly didn't stop you from telling Spike!"

"But I live with the guy. He's like the little brother I never had!" I say as I bump him on the shoulder again, making him roll his eyes.

"Well whom else knows your secret?" Rarity asked.

"Twilight, Dash, Applejack, Pinkie, sorta Gilda and the entire Royal guard." I say verbatim.

"I wish you told me sooner darling! I would have worked harder on your new wardrobe if I knew you were still around!" Rarity said as she looked at my black and white hoodie, basketball short combo.

"New wardrobe?"

"Yes! I have over 10 outfits dedicated to you! You inspired me to challenge myself and try making clothing for another species! I also made some for Dawning Jade, who is now you apprantly. You should come try them on sometime..." She trailed off with a half lidded expression.

"Yeah....No."

"Why not? You would make a wonderful Unicorn model!"

Nope. I'm not the guy for flashy clothes. Especially if Rarity would be drooling at me wearing said clothes.

"Nah. Get Soarin to model for you, he's an athlete Anyway!" I quip.

"I no longer associate with him." Rarity said coldy. Spike and I shared a knowing look and turned back, trying to hold in laughter. Then I couldn't help but flash a smile.

"Hey, Why don't you get Spike to model for you? I'm sure he'd love too!" I ask as I gesture to him. Spike immediately gives me this flat browed look and Rarity starts to blush. She looked Spike over for a couple seconds then looked down at her hooves.

"Well I'll have to think about that one..." She said trailing off with a blush. Then she looked back up with a neutral face.

"I'm afraid I must be going. I have to prepare for the party." She said with a wave. Spike and I sheepishly waved back as she walked around us and exited. The moment she left I turned to Spike.

"So I bet your were hoping for her to-"

"Shut up DJ."

"Fine."

I turned back to Pinkie and she was humming too herself as she decorated a dozen cupcakes with purple and green sprinkles. I looked around and the whole place had a purple and Green theme to it. There were even pictures of the "new" Spike all over the place, which is funny because I don't remember Pinkie having a camera out. Just smile and nod DJ smile and nod.

"So what did you need me for Pinkie?" I ask. She then looks up at us with a look I couldn't read, which is strange for her because her expression is either happy, super happy or maximum happy.

"You'll see in a sec. But Spike can't see until his party! It's a surprise!" She claimed as she trotted over to Spike and slowly pushed him out the door. "So come back later please Spikey!" Pinkie said cheerfully.

"Ok but I have no clue when the party st-" he tried to say before he was pushed out the door. Sheesh... She's almost Applejack strong. I wouldn't want to get on her bad side. Assuming she even has a bad side. Then she immediately locked the door then zipped around to close and cover the windows. Its like she's about to share the secrets of the universe to me or something and considering its Pinkie, I'm willing to bet she knows them.

Then, she turned around...

And I instantly knew what was going on. Considering what major event is happening in Equestria I really should have known, but Pinkie was certainly the last pony I would expect to pull something like this.

She was staring at me with this hungry half lidded look, her hindelegs shivering and her tail slowly swishing back and forth. I started to back away but with every step I took she would take one toward me.

"So what's the secret Pinkie?" Asked in an attempt to stall.

"*giggle* you and I both know there is no secret!"

"Fuck me..."

"Yes"

"No!"

"Come on DJ, let's have some FUN!" She said in a seductive tone, which sounded odd coming from her.

"I cant right now, I have...uh...things to do!"

"Like me?"

"Yes... Wait NO!"

*giggle*

At this point I'd managed to bump into a table, knock over a chair and even trip over a box, making me fall on my back. Now I was slowly crawling on my back and Pinkie was within grabbing distance. I should probably try to run for it- nope I'm cornered.

"Lets have a little private party DJ..."

"Let's not."

"Oh don't be such a baby!" She said as she pounced on me and started to nuzzle my cheek. I tried to push her away but she just came back.

"Pinkie seriously, I dont want to do this!"

"Oh don't be silly cutie!" She said as she moved my hand onto her back. Then she slowly moved it down her back until it was firmly placed on her plot. Woah. Did not know THIS was here. Its taking all my willpower not to squeeze it. Then she closed her eyes and put her other hoof on a spot where it shouldn't go and leaned in for a kiss.

I shivered and blushed furiously, barely holding in a moan.

Speaking of willpower...

"Pinkie..." I said as I grabbed her hoof and moved it away from my area and I moved her hoof from my face with the other one. She opened her eyes and gazed in confusion.

"What's wrong?"

"I said NO Pinkie." I said sternly. Then her hair literally deflated and turned flat, her ears drooped and her eyes started to water. Oh lord what have I done?

"*sniff* Why...n..not?" She asks, tears starting to form. That is honestly a good question... Why the hell not? No? Focus man!

"I...I...just can't Pinkie..." I said as I blush and avert my eyes.

"Do you think I'm ugly?" She asks with a sob.

Oh for fucks sake!

"No no no thats not why! You're a beautiful mare Pinkie... Its just..."

"Its just what? I'm UGLY?" she shouted loudly.

Please tell me she's not doing this...

"*sniff* and I bet you think I'm fat!" She cried as she covered her face and sobbed into her hooves.

Well...I can tell you she's the right kind of fat. Especially around the ba-NO focus on cheering her up. I grab her hooves away from her face and look her in the eye.

"Pinkie I swear to god on my life thats not why. You're not fat and you're not ugly. I'm just not ready for this kinda stuff just yet." I said seriously. I'm just a little worried that "just yet" will turn into "in a few hours" or something. Pinkie looked down and blushed, her hair started to return to its normal puffy state.

"R...really?"

"Yes, I Pinkie promise.." I stated firmly. Pinkie wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled. Ah there we go, back to normal... Mostly.

She looked own again and she started to blush again.

"DJ? Can you do me a tiny favor?" She asks.

"What is it?" I ask with a raised brow.

"Can I have a kiss?"

"A...kiss?"

"Yes. Just one kiss...to help me feel better..." She said as she gave me this helpless look. I thought for a moment then shrugged.

"I suppose I can do that.." I said with a nervous smile. Then Pinkie narrowed her eyes and smiled at me. Every time a pony gives me that look it thrills me, and im not sure why.

"Well I'm waiting mister human..." She flirted with a giggle. I smiled nervously then leaned forward and gave her a light kiss. When I pulled back she was frowning, something I didn't know Pinkie's face was even capable of. Ok thats actually pretty scary...

"Do it like you mean it mister!" She ordered.

"Ok then sheesh.." I muttered. Then I pulled her close to me and her eyes widened. Then we both melted into the kiss. I'm not sure how long we were like that, it seemed like an eternity. Endlessly exploring each others mouths. Well almost endlessly.

Pinkie suddenly broke away and moaned loudly. Thats when my head cleared and I realized I was groping the fuck out of her flank. I started to blush and slowly remove my hands. Pinkie giggled and got off of me.

"Thank you DJ! That was wowzers!" She said with a cheerful laugh. I stood up and laughed sheepishly.

"Yeah... It sure was..." I said with a blush.

"Well I have a party to host! Smiles to make, frowns to break and sweets to make!" She said, finally back to her old self again. I quickly got up and smiled.

"Can I help bake?"

"I'm glad you asked!"

...

After an hour or two of baking and hanging up decorations, ponies started to flow in to celebrate the dropping of Spike's nuts. Yes, we did really keep that title. For the most part after everyone got over the whole "Spike is big and sexy now" thing it was a normal party. Well as normal as a Pinkie party can be.

"Now Spike just because you're a might grown up don't mean ya have what it takes to take mah hoof wrestling title!" Mac said with a chuckle.

"I'm feeling lucky today! Besides, didn't Princess Celestia take that title from you last year?" Spike reminded with a smirk. Mac's face briefly turned a shade of blue before confidence and testosterone flowed freely once again.

"Ah am gonna take ya down ya overgrown Lizard!" Mac said with narrowed eyes. Spike just chuckled and put his arm on the table.

"I'm warning you ahead of time that if I break your leg, I will not be sorry" Spike claimed.

...

A few moments later I heard a loud smack and Mac was down for the count.

"Big Mag? Are you ok?" Fluttershy asked timidly as she nuzzled his cheek.

"Ah...ah think he actually did it..." Mac said as he held his hoof up nervously.

"Aww let me see..." She said as she examined his hoof. Then she kissed it and Mac smiled.

"Does that feel better?"

"Yes ma'am!'

I shook my head and took a little sip from my drink. I probably should have avoided alcohol all together but I think a little can't hurt. Then again, that phrase has already led to a bunch of disasters as is. For the most part the mares have actually been leaving me alone. I guess most of them found somepony by now or they simply aren't interested anymore. Either way is fine by me, I really don't know what they all find so appealing about me. I mean I'm a total dick sometimes...

...

Ok most times...

...

Fuck it. ALL the time.

I raised my glass high to finish off the rest of my drink and brought it down with a sigh. It was then that I noticed this Unicorn girl watching me from across the room. Through the dancers in the middle of the room I could catch glances of her making her way over to me. I guess I spoke too soon.

She had a drink held in her dark green magic. She was a really dark almost black color and she had a messy green mane and tail. But her most notable feature were here green piercing eyes. Something about those eyes, they're really familer. She stopped next to me and smiled.

"Hey there!" She said with a welcoming grin. I didn't say anything I just responded with a nod, sitting my glass back on the table that I was leaning on.

"You don't talk much do you?" She asked with a smirk.

"Well thats almost entirely dependent on how drunk I am." I said with a shrug. The girl giggled then moved a little closer.

"I guess I should introduce myself. My name is-"

"...Dawning Jade." She finished for me." EVERYPONY knows who you are..." She said with a half lidded expression.

"Princess Celestia's student and the one who held off that Ursa major to save the town..." She said as she looked me up ane down, a faint hunger in her eyes. This girl is giving me this creepy vibe that I swear I've felt before.

"...And also Ponyville's most eligible bachelor." She added with a giggle and a blush.

"Wait seriously? I thought it was mac!" I said with widened eyes as I sat up slightly.

"Well it WAS him. Until he hooked up with Fluttershy and fell off the market." The girl said with another smirk.

"Although that Dragon over there may take your spot at this rate..." The girl said as she looked in the crowd toward Spike. He was awkwardly sitting down eating some cookies while a bunch of mares talked his ears off and tried to get close to him. Heh... Poor guy.

"Better him than me." I said  simply. To that the girl tilts her head.

"Don't like all the attention?"

"No. And I honestly don't deserve it either." I stated firmly.

"Well you have my attention..." She said with a smirk. I looked her in the eye again and got this déjà vu feeling.

"Hey have we met before? You look familiar-"

"Nope! Not ever!" She assures me. I shrug and lean back again. The girl looks down at her hooves and I take a deep breath. Then I exclaimed in annoyance when I saw something crawling on the table.

"Stupid bugs" I said as I flick the thing away with my hoof. The girl looks up at me nervously.

"You don't like bugs?" She asked.

"No! I hate them! I want all of them to die!" I growl. The girl blinks a few times and blushes, her ears drooped down and she adopts a helpless expression.

"They're just really REALLY gross. Especially Spiders!" I said, shuddering at the mere thought of them. I look down and see the girl shivering.

"Hey are you ok?" I asked worriedly. She quickly straightened up and cleared her throat.

"Yes of course, I'm fine. I uh, despise insects as well!" She said quickly. I smiled and shook my head. She just rubbed the back of her neck and averted her eyes.

"So what's your name? You know so much about me but I know nothing about you." I ask curiously. The girl hesitates for a moment, her eyes darting around the room.

"Um...uh... Chrysa-CRYSTAL! My Name is crystal!" She stuttered. I raise my brow and nod.

"Ok Crystal. I was going to swing by the drink and snack table, Care to join me?"

"Sure." She said with a blush. I pick up my cup and walk over to the drink and snack table, with Crystal close behind me. I slow my pace slightly when I saw Applejack at the drink bar. Shit! I haven't seen her since she tried to do naughty things to me! Maybe she won't notic-

"Howdy DAWN!" She said with a bitter tone.

Shit.

"Hi Applejack!" I said with a nervous grin. Then Applejack looks behind me and starts staring at Crystal. Then she starts to narrow her eyes and glare daggers at her. Crystal stares back at Applejack, sharing the same look. If looks could kill... Well you know the saying.

"Who's THIS?" Applejack growls.

"Oh. This is Crystal!" I say as the tension between them makes me nervous.

"Hello...Applejack." Crystal says coldly.

"Howdy..." She says back. Holy crap what's even going on here? Applejack looks at me and her stare cuts through me like butter.

"Ah see that ah wasn't good enough for ya..." She says grumpily. I blink a few times then let out a laugh.

"Oh nonono! I've only known her for like, 2 minutes!" I assure. Applejack looks at me with disbelief. Then she grabs a huge mug off the table and downs that shit in one huge gulp. She slammed the mug down and sighed.

"Hmm well I'll be seeing you two lovebirds around." She said with venom as she stomped away. I should REALLY apologize to her for knocking her out sometime.

Now that Applejack was gone I got myself a plate and started piling on all kinds of diabetes inducing sweets. When I was done fixing the plate I backed away from the table so that others could get to it. I selected a particularly delectable looking chocolate chip cookie and licked my lips in anticipation. Then I paused when I saw the funny look crystal gave me.

"What?"

"Oh nothing..."

"Aren't you going to eat?"

"Oh I'm not hungry.." She said with a toothy grin. I paused my obnoxious chewing and stared in surprise.

"Really? Everypony comes to a Pinkie party ready to chow down!" I said. Crystal just shrugs and I sigh and shake my head.

"Suit yourself! More for me!" I quip as I raise an amazing looking fudge brownie to my face. I close my eyes and take a bite, only to hear the sound of my teeth snapping together. My eyes shot open and I see a dragon arm from over my shoulder holding MY brownie. I spin around and Spike just casually tosses the thing into his mouth. I stare at him wordlessly, my eyes twitching and a vein popping on my forhead.

"What?" He says, flashing a toothy grin.

"My brownie..."

"Dude you have like 3 more on your plate." He said with a flat brow. I just growl to myself while Crystal giggles next to me.

"Anyway, I came over here because the Princess sent you a letter." He says, pulling it out of his pouch.

"Really? She never sends me letters." I said as he hands it over to me and I grab it with my magic. Yep this is from Tia alright! It has the royal seal on it and everything! I open it up and start reading.

...

"Dear Dawning Jade...

I know it is fairly late right now and you may be busy. But I desperately require your assistance with something. Please hurry to Canterlot whenever you are able, it is a matter of great importance. Come directly to my private chambers, I will be waiting.

Your dearest Friend, Tia."

PS: COME ALONE!

...

"So what's it say? " Spike asks.

"Celestia wants me to go to Canterlot for something. Apprantly its important." I muttered.

"So you're leaving right now?"

"Heh... not until I finish this food!" I said as I raise another brownie to my face. Then I pause when I feel a strong power nearby. I shrug it off as Twilight doing some fancy magic trick to entertainin people or something.

"Hey what happened to that girl who was here a second ago?" Spike said as he scratched his head and looked around.

"I don't know. She just ran off for some reason, but here comes Pinkie!" I say, shoving another brownie into my mouth.

"Hey Derrick! Princess Luna is here and she's looking for you!" She said with a grin. My heart stops and I almost choke. I take a quick peek behind her and I see none other than Princess Luna searching the crowd for me. I really should pay attention whenever I sense magic...

Crap.

"I'm taking this to go!" I said as I grip my plate of food tightly and dive out of the nearest window, Mac's warning driving my actions.

...

"What do you think that was about?" Spike asks, completely puzzled.

"I have no idea! " Pinkie said with a shrug and a giggle. Then she bounced off somewhere. Spike folded his arms and stood there in confusion. Then Luna suddenly trotted up to him.

"Greetings young dragon!" Luna said with a smile as she met eyes with Spike. Spike just blushed and rubbed his forehead.

"Oh hi Princess! Gosh, we're like the same height now..." He muttered.

"Yes it appears so..." She says, slightly startled. They both stared at each other for a few seconds in silence, a grin slowly forming on their faces. Then Luna blinked and looked down, clearing her throat.

"I came to ask if you've seen Derrick around. I felt his power a few moments ago." She explained. Spike hesitated for a few moments. Judging from how fast DJ hopped out of the window, he REALLY wants to avoid her for some reason. Considering its the season and everything he had a small clue why. He was stuck between telling her where he went or not telling her.

A decision easily made when he remembered DJ's obnoxious laughing about the party title.

"He went to Canterlot." He said plainly. Luna looked slightly forlorn at that. She was fairly certain she knew why her sister called him there so late.

"Is something wrong?" Spike asked. Breaking Luna's train of thought.

"Oh... Nothing... We...I was just thinking." Luna said, shaking her head.

"Ok thats good....thinking is good!" Spike said, as he tapped his front claw fingers together awkwardly.

"So you have reached dragon maturity?" Luna asked bluntly making Spike blush.

"Yep" he responds with a nervous laugh.

"I see" Luna says as a faint blush forms.

"So what are you going to do now Princess, now that Derrick is...busy?" Spike asks carefully.

"Well I was going to... never mind. I suppose I will stay here for now." Luna says, giving Spike a hopeful smile. His eyes darted around, despritly searching for something to keep the conversation going.

"Um...so... Have you tried the brownies?"

"No I'm afraid I haven't yet. I could go for a few actually..."

"Sweet!"

...

I have never jumped out of a window with a plate of epic food, suspended in my magic that quickly in my entire life. All I know is, for whatever reason Luna isn't chasing me. I guess it doesn't matter now, because I escaped with the food!

I wonder what Tia wants? Maybe her or Doctor Bright discovered something about my chaos magic? Maybe she even found a way of sending me back? Hmm... if that was the case, then I'm not sure how I would feel about that.

I'm coming up to Canterlot now. I swear every time I take this flight it gets easier. I should time myself next time. Now I get to decide which entrance I want to take. Wait, she did say go directly to her room so I guess I'll land on the balcony.

I transformed into my human form and landed gently in one swift movement. I'm getting better at the not crashing thing!

The balcony door was cracked so I opened it wider and walked inside. It was kinda dark but still bright enough to see everything well enough. There was no sign of Tia but I could feel her presence nearby. So I shrugged and walked over to her bed and sat down on the edge and continued eating. It wasn't long before Celestia came out of the bathroom.

"Ah you're here!" She said with a smile. Her magneta orbs locked onto me. I set the plate down next to me and stood up.

"So what happened? Something wrong with my seal? Something evil threating Equestria? Someone died?" I ask with a serious face. Celestia shakes her head and giggles.

"Oh none of those things stud..." She said with narrowed eyes. I sighed in relief and sat back down. 

Then it clicked in my head.

Stud?

"Some interesting information has been passed onto me..." She said as she started to step toward me. What the hell? She's giving me that look! That same look Pinkie and Applejack got before they...

...

Uh oh...

"Ok.. What kind of information?" I said with a nervous smile, reaching for a brownie.

"My sister told me something about a certain human.." She said with a half lidded smirk that thrilled me for some reason. However I was not prepared for...whatever this is.

"Whatever it was, I didn't do it." I muttered as calmly as I could. I took a bite out of the Brownie and closed my eyes. When I opened them Celestia went from a few feet away to a few inches. I jumped and accidentally tossed the brownie into the air. Celestia caught it with her teeth and ate it with one swift delecate motion.

"Delicious." She said with a seductive voice. Then she did this long exaggerated lick of her lips.

"You know I made that brownie right?" I pointed  out.

"..."

*POOF*

Celestia's angel like wings extend and become stiff. My cheeks felt hotter and I drop of sweat dropped down my forehead.

"Have you been drinking Celie? You're acting funny..."

"Not at all. I'm completely sober.." She says, edging closer. The hunger in her eyes got more intense with every step she took. I swallowed hard and my mind raced.

"What's the matter stud? You look nervous.." She said as she drew closer. I started to slowly crawl backward towards the back of the bed. Why does this always happen to me?

"Oh I'm just worried about that urgent matter that I had to attend to."

"We'll you could start by attending to me." She cooed. My heart stopped and my cheeks turned redder than tomatoes. Then in one swift movement she pinned me to the bed on my back. She leaned in really close.

"Tia..." I breathed as I adopted a similar half lidded expression as I her. My willpower to resist is starting to kick the bucket.

"Do you want to know what Luna told me?" She asked as she gently nuzzled my cheek. I nodded slowly  and she whispered in my ear.

"She told me about your dreams, the fantasies you keep having..." She whispered into my ear, her voice smooth like silk. I immediately tensed up and started to sweat. I only have fantasies about one pony in particular, who happens to be draped over me right now. Some of them were pretty detailed...

"She...she did?"

"Yes Derrick. She told me EVERYTHING." She said with a smirk. I swallowed nervously and felt something moving my hands.

"This was very prominent in your fantasies.." She said as she moved my hands to her backside. I'm getting the worst case of déjà vu right now, except this time I DID squeeze... Very tightly... With both hands. And IT was pretty damn squeezable, more so then I would have ever thought from just looking.

Celestia blushed, moaning and shivering to my touch. Then she looked deeply into my eyes.

"Let's recreate your fantasies Derrick..." She told me as she brought her lips closer.

"And mine..." She added before kissing me passionately.
> Act 6 part 3: Everyone Rutts
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 6 part 3: Everyone rutts

I woke up feeling a little sore, sweaty, and like I ran a marathon.

What the hell did I do yesterday?

I tried getting up before quickly realizing where I was, Celestia's bed, laying right on top of her. Her wings were snuggly wrapped around my body and she was out cold. Her face was a light shade of red, covered in sweat...OUR sweat.

Oh. That explains a lot. I finally did it didn't I?

I slowly and carefully rolled off of her, luckily she doesn't have Luna's death grip. I sat up in bed and stretched. It's pretty early considering the sun is completly down, but its Tia's job to raise the damn thing, so Should I wake her up? Hm, nah let me shower first, I feel all sticky and uncomfortable. It's not like she's done it every day without fail (as far as I know) before I was here so I won't be her alarm clock. I grabbed my clothes and walked into the bathroom to shower. All I could think about was last night... And how I want many...many... more nights like it. Is that a bad thing? Probably. Do I care? Nope. I'm fully converted now... No shame in my game.

When I got out I stared at myself in the mirror. I'm starting to look a little shaggy now, I should probably shave soon. I'm going to leave my hair the way it is, until it either gets in my face, or extends past my neck. Then again, Maybe I should just cut it down now and get it over with?

As I was studying myself in the mirror, I noticed something out of place behind me. By the time I actually turned to look it grabbed me by the throat.

" *Gak!* what? " I struggled, as a tall figure lifted me high into the air. I stared down at it in horror, quickly realizing that it was comprised of like 10 different animals. It's face had yellow eyes with red pupils that seemed to pierce my very soul.

"Discord?!" I exclaimed in shock, recognizing him now. He looked up at me and with a growl he slammed me painfully against the wall so hard, it cracked.

"I didn't send you here to screw her! SHE'S MINE! YOU CAN HAVE HER SISTER!!!" he screamed at me.

"What are you *Gurk!* talking about??" I asked In confusion.

"You better start doing what I sent you here for...or else..." He said crypticly. Then in a flash of pain, everything seemed to reset and I was back to watching myself in the mirror.

What the hell just happened?! The wall isn't broken anymore, which tells me it wasn't real. I nervously rubbed my throat and shivered, imagining Discord's cold bird like fingers wrapped around my neck. What was he talking about anyway?

I put both my hands on the sink and lowered my head a bit. Tia and I already discussed some of the side effects of chaos magic; hallucinations, so that was simply the first one. I took a deep breath and calmed myself a bit. Nothing to worry about... It meant nothing... Just my magic being crazy and chaotic and what not.

I put on the rest of my clothes and stretched contently. I came out of the bathroom and noticed Tia was still asleep. I don't think I've ever really seen her sleeping because she always seems to wake up after a couple seconds. She looks so...adorable! Then again, I have yet to honestly see a pony that isn't adorable in their own way. I stood next to her and smiled, seeing her just gets me in a good mood!

I was about to walk away, when white hooves suddenly wrapped around me and snatched me back toward the bed. She quickly flipped me over and kissed me deeply, which I wasn't expecting from someone who was knocked out a few moments ago. When we finally pulled away from each other she smiled, nuzzling me affectionately. Kissing her was honestly something I planned to avoid, considering what I put in her mouth last n-uh just forget it.

"Good morning, my friend..." She said, making me raise my brow.

"Friend?" I say with a blank look.

"Yes...friend.." She repeated.

"Huh? so we're not, together?" I ask carefully.

"Well...we can be...." Celestia said, blushing and drooping her ears.

"I mean, I'm honestly good either way." I said with a shrug.

"There would be some things to deal with if we were, truly together." She muttered with uncertainty.

"Like?"

"Well first off, you would have to get rid of your false personas."

"So no more Dawn?"

"Yes, If everypony knew I was dating, I would want them to know that I was dating the real you, which is another problem in itself." She said with a sigh.

"Yeah, I'm not sure how everyone would react to their leader dating a tall, shapshifting, not pony from another dimension." I said with a nervous smile.

"Leaders, Luna wants a slice of the pie too." She added as she idly rubbed my cheek.

"Oh, she was serious about you girls sharing everything huh?" I said with a chuckle. Not gonna lie, I want a slice of Luna's pie too.

"Yes. I'm not entirely sure how things would work with the three of us, Especially if everypony knew." She said, trailng of with a sad expression. I rubbed my hand through her hair and smirked.

"Like I said, I'm good either way, as long as there are more nights like last night." I said with a half lidded expression. Celestia smirked and gave me bedroom eyes.

"Well I'm sure we can both agree on that." She said suggestively. I was about to say something along the lines of "we can make it a morning thing too" when my stomach decided to sing the song of its people, making me roll my eyes. Celestia giggled and I rolled off of her.

" I must prepare for the day ahead, why don't you go to the dining hall and get something to eat?" She suggested as she got up from the bed and stretched. I gave her a blank look.

"I don't have any bits with m-" I started to say before she shushed me with her wingtip.

"Don't worry about paying for anything here...ever. Got it?" she said with a serious expression. I blinked a few times and nodded sheepishly. She removed her wing and smirked.

"Besides. Your performance last night was adequate payment." She said as she tickled my cheek with her tail making me blush. Then she walked away toward the bathroom with a noticeable pep in her step.

That ASS though...

I snapped out of it and got up off the bed, taking a deep breath. I think I'm really starting to like it here in Equest-

"DERRICK!!!" Tia yelled from the bathroom. Adrenaline shot through me and I rushed toward it, with my magic ready. When I got to the door i saw her with a forlorn expression.

"What's wrong Tia??" I demanded.

"You left the toilet seat up!" She pouted with a sad tone, making me smack my forhead at mach 2.

"Can't you just put it... *sigh* " I grumpled as I walked over to the seat and carefully put it down. "There, are you happy now?" I ask as I fold my arms. She beamed and nuzzled my cheek.

"Thank you honey- I mean derrick!" She said with a nervous smile. She then grabbed me with her magic and almost threw me out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind me firmly. Then a moment later I heard the telltale sound of the toilet seat being lifted again, making me grumble.

Sometimes I wonder about that girl.

I left the room and started walking toward the dining hall. As I turned a corner I bumped right into Princess Luna. But because fuck you I'm an alicorn I got knocked flat on my ass while she just stood there unaffected with a startled expression.

"Oh Derrick I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?" She asked as she stood me upright with her magic. Normally I would have probably cussed up a storm, but today I felt different.

" Good morning Luna!" I beamed. Then I squeezed her tightly, lifting her up and kissing her face all over. She blushed and started giggling.

"What has gotten you in such a good mood?" She asked, nuzzling me.

"Oh I'm just happy to see you Lulu!" I said warmly.

"Really? Usually you greet me with the sarcasm." She said as she gave me a suspicious look. I said nothing and just gave her a sincere smile. I saw her nose twitch and her eyes widened. She came over to me and started sniffing me, her clueless expression shifted to a knowing smirk. Shit, she knows doesn't she?

"Somepony was busy last night." She said with a smug grin.

"Um...I have no clue what you're talking about.."

"Her stench is all over you!"

"But I took a shower!"

"One does not simply ,wash off, a mare's essence like that."

"*sniff* I don't even smell anything!"

"It doesn't matter, I already know."

"Yeah..." I said, sighing in defeat. Luna's stern look changed to curiosity.

"So how was it? You didn't hurt her did you?" She started asking. I laughed nervously and pushed her muzzle away.

"Yeah...too hungry to talk, go ask her yourself or something." I said as I slowly walked away.

"Fine we will, but thy will see us tonight." She said crypticly, making me pause and shiver. According to Mac, that's not something I should look forward to.

...

After walking aimlessly for a bit I finally made it to the dining hall. Shining was there at the table and he waved me over. So I went and sat next to him.

"Morning! What are you doing here?" He asked, greeting me with a brohoof.

"Uh...I was on my way to fuck your bitch?" I joke. Shining laughs at first, before slowly frowning.

"Hey I'm kidding dude."

"I know!" He said with a light chuckle. Then he started looking at me suspiciously.

"Seriously... What ARE you doing here?" He asked again.

"To get something to eat?"

"No, I mean at the castle."

"Oh..."

"Well?"

"Celestia needed something from me."

"Oh I see..." Shining said with a smug grin.

"Hey not like that man!" I say with a frown.

"Whatever you say!" Shining said with a shit eating grin that made me want to strangle him. I frowned and started to rub my chin.

"Hey you're starting to get really grizzly." Shining muttered as he pointed to my face. I frowned and pointed my hand back at him.

"Oh yeah? What about you? Keep that stach up and, you'll look like a young version of Fancy Pants!" I shot back, making him frown and rub his chin.

"OK ok...we BOTH need to shave soon!" Shining admitted, making us both laugh. Just then Cadence entered the room with a warm smile. She came over to say hi to me but just as she opened her mouth, her nose twitched. Oh for crying out loud, please don't say anything.

"*Gasp* Derrick! You actually did it?!" She exclaimed loudly. She pulled me closer and started sniffing me more. I turned to Shining with a fed up look, and he just watched in confusion.

"Oh wow you DID finally do it! How was it? Did she hurt you?" Cadence asked, excitedly sitting next to me. Shining's shit eating grin returned with a vengeance and he slammed his hoof on the table.

"I KNEW IT!" he blurted, pointing a hoove at me acussingly.

"God dammit Cadence..." I whispered as I slammed my head on the table.

"That explains all the yelling and screaming I heard last night..." Cadence said, making Shining bust out laughing.

"Oh my gosh she must have broken you!" He said with an obnoxious laugh.

"Actually honey, Derrick wasn't the one screaming..." Cadence corrected. Shining looked at me and pat my back with a proud smirk.

" Wow, I didn't know you had it in you DJ!" Shining said.

"We're not discussing this shit anymore, you nosey assholes!" I barked, blushing furiously.

"Aww... Was it your first time?" Cadence teased, Shining laughed harder and I grumbled.

"Heck no!"

"Really? This wasn't the first time?!" Shining said in shock.

"First time with a pony..." I muttered.

"Oh, how do they compare?" Cadence asked.

"What?"

"Mares and human females?"

"Wha...IM NOT TELLING YOU!" I blurted again, making Shining howl with laughter.

"I'm sorry, its just that I'm really excited for you both! *sniff* hm...I smell My other aunt too! Did she join in on the fun?"

"Just kill me now..." I said. Rolling my eyes in annoyance and slamming my head on the table again.

...

The waiter came and took our orders. I just ended up getting pancakes and eggs. Cadence kept trying to find out about last night, so I had to kindly tell her to fuck off.... Which didn't work that well. She did give up eventually when she realized I wasn't going to budge. After that we just talked about random stuff until I was done. When I got up and left, Shining followed me out.

"You're not going to ask about last night again are you?" I ask suspiciously.

"What? No. I just wanted to know if you were busy later." He asked innocently.

"No. Why?"

"Me and the guys were planning to hangout later, drinks are on me!"

"Ok... What time?"

...

"Come on DJ! We're gonna be late!"

"Alright I'm coming Spike!" I called after him. We were on our way to Surger Cube Corner to hang out with Shining and the others.

"What's the rush for?" I asked.

"I want to be able to pick a good seat at the table!"

"But they're all basically the same! I muttered in annoyance as I flew faster to catch up to him.

"You wouldn't understand!" Spike claimed as we flew around back, Allowing me to transform into Dawn.

"Whatever Spyro, just go in!" I said as we swung around the building and walked inside. Spike gave me this look, which only served to remind me that he doesn't actually know who the fuck Spyro is. We saw Shining and the others sitting at this circular table and with him were Mac, Soarin, Lightning and Flash. I sat down inbetween Mac and Soarin while Spike sat in between Lightning and Flash.

"Sup dudes!" Spike said as he sat down. They all said various forms of greeting as the waiter came over.

"What can I get you boys?" A familier voice said. Oh right, Pinkie works here...fuck.

"Um do you have any gems?" Spike asked hopefully.

"Sorry but no." Pinkie said with a sad face. Spike frowned and folded his arms.

"Fine I'll have the special." He said with a defeated sigh.

"Me too." Flash said.

"Ah think I'm with them." Mac said.

"Sign me up partner!" Lightning said.

"Whatever. I'll take it." I agree.

"OK that sounds good to me!" Shining said with a smirk. The special is pretty inexpensive so lucky for him that we all got it, well except Soarin, who looks like he's still deciding. He's definitely the heavy eater after all.

"Actually, I think I'll have your Super Duper Bursting Bombastic Mega Ultimate Ultra Amazing Infinity cake!" He said in one breath, making us all stare at him In confusion. Most of us have been here enough times to know the menu, but I've never heard of that. Shining picked up a menu and started sweating.

"Ooo you want the Super Duper Bursting Bombastic Mega Ultimate Ultra Amazing Infinity cake? Aka the Mmm 2.0? Nopony has ordered that besides Prince Celestia!" Pinkie said, her eyes sparkling.

"Uh...Soarin? Are you sure you want that?" Shining asked shakingly.

"What's the matter cap, your wallet coughing?" I joke.

"Okie doki! Please give us three to five business days to deliver!" Pinkie said. Soarin adopted a flat browed expression.

"Yeah...no I can't wait 3 days, just get me the special too." Soarin said with a shake of his head. Shining let out a huge breath that made me snicker.

"OK! So that's a special and a special and a special and special and a special *Breath* and a special and a special! Is that all you'll be having?" Pinkie asked.

"YES!" Shining answered for us all. Pinkie nodded and walk.... I mean bounced away.

"Is your salary not up to the challenge cap?" I quip.

"Normally I wouldn't even flinch, but I've had to pay an leg and a leg for the preparations." Shining muttered.

"What preparations" I ask, getting annoyed that he didn't just say what they were in the first place so I wouldn't have to ask.

"For my wedding next week!" He announced proudly. Ah that would make any guy's wallet choke.

"Oh well then congrats!" I said with a smile.

"Finally tyin the knot partner?" Mac said with a smirk. Shining nodded and blushed slightly. We all started to laugh.

"Ha ha laugh it up." He muttered rolling his eyes. When we settled down again he cleared his throat." Anyway, I called you guys here to hang out again before I get too busy too. " He explained. We all nodded and uttered various forms of acknowledgement.

"So what the hell is the special anyway?" I asked.

"A beer and a big slice of cake." Lightning answered.

"Huh. I can live with that!" I replied with a content smile.

"What flavor is the cake?" Spike wondered.

"It's a surprise." Shining said.

"I hate surprises." I muttered as I folded my hooves in front of me. Not even 2 Seconds later the pink menace was upon me.

"Aww why not?" Pinkie suddenly asked, standing next to me with the food on a large tray. I yelped and almost fell out of my seat, making everyone lose their shit.

"Oops did I scare ya?"

"Just pass me the beer please."

...

So we ate, drank and were some happy motherfuckers. But like any long lasting sausage fest, the subject inevitably always leads to sex. After all it is mating season right?

"So Mac...how did it go with...fluttershy?" I asked. Mac immediately shrank in his seat and started to sweat.

"Ah...ah don't wanna talk about it..."

"Why not? You got to hear my stories!" Soarin complained.

"Yeah, because we totally wanted to hear about you getting some. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY." Spike muttered sarcastically.

"Don't hate! Did you even get action yet scales?" Soarin teased. Spike yelped and nervously played with his claws.

"Uh...that's classified..." He said with a blush.

"Pfft... Probably because you didn't!" Soarin said with a smug grin. Spike balled his fists up and frowned.

"You grew balls dude, ya gotta use them!" Soarin muttered, shaking his head in disappointment.

"I did...." Spike hissed.

"Ok...on who?" Soarin asked.

"Y'all leave the boy alone! Y'all know exactly who anyhow.." Mac grumbled.

"Rarity." Lightning coughed. Spike just blushed and took another bite of cake.

"How the hell did that go? Did you walk in like 'I need a suit oh and also Fuck me." I joked.

"It was actually the other way around, but OK.." Spike said honestly, making us all laugh.

"Mac I didn't forget about you!" I said switching the conversation back to him.

"Ok ok I'll tell ya something." He said, finally giving in. Well all sat quietly to hear.

"I went to Fluttershy's house one day and she was really... Assertive about what she wanted."

"How assertive? Rainbow's already pretty assertive." Lightning asked.

"Like, lock the doors and windows, tie ya to a bed assertive.." Mac said, shuddering at the memories. I slammed my hoof on the table and laughed.

"I totally called it!" I said triumphantly.

"That mare has a side ah ain't sure I wanna see again." Mac admitted. He started to shiver and his ears dropped down.

"Reminds me of Rainbow... But she didn't need chains." Lightning muttered. Shining rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"I don't see anything horrible about being tied to a bed..." He said plainly.

"We can't all be like you and Cadence dude." I commented.

"Yeah I bet you LOVE those chains!" Soarin quipped.

"Not as much as he loves being the 'bad' student!" I added. Shining sat emotionless while the rest of us laughed our asses off.

"Oh yeah? What about YOU???" Shining said, pointing an accusing hoof at me. Oh no....oh nonono. Please don't throw me under the bu-

"How was your sleepover with Celie?" He asked with a shit eating grin.

Just play it off. Tell them you have no idea what he's talking about, or who Celie is.

"...I mean....it was aight.." I said with a shrug. Everyone's eyes at the table were the size of figurative dinner plates and I slammed my head on the table.

Brain you had ONE fucking job.

"So you and the Princess...." Lightning said trailng off, looking like his brain leaked out of his ears.

"What was it like dude?" Soarin asked, his eyes glowing with curiosity.

"Dude we didn't even-"

"Don't lie Derrick. Cadence heard her screaming last night." Shining quipped.

"You had her SCREAMING?" Spike exclaimed.

"Wow... Shes like....a freaking goddess, never knew you had it in you DJ!" Soarin said proudly, patting my back. I blushed furiously and glared at Shining.

"You fucking snitch!"

"Hey! I couldn't let you lie to them, besides...you should feel accomplished!" He said with a smirk.

"I promise you I'm going to crash your wedding you fuck!"

"Yeah ...good luck with that." shining muttered with a roll of his eyes.

"Did she break anything partner?" Mac asked.

"No not really..." I answered, nervously taking another sip of my drink.

"Well ah know that Luna might.." He said crypticly. Speaking of Luna... I swear I can feel her nearby. Nah, that's probably just my drunk brain playing games with me.

"I heard she grinded your pelvis to dust!" Soarin said, erupting with laughter.

"Yeah...something like that." He admitted, taking a sip of his drink then chuckling too himself.

"That fancy magic sure did work wonders! I get jealous of y'all sometimes." He added.

"Well you arent missing much, its neat and all but it still pisses me off because of how unexplainable it is." I grumbled.

"Um, Twilight would disagree with that statement." Spike muttered. Then he looked behind me and smiled. "Hi Princess Luna!" He said, waving behind me. I turned around and saw no one there. I gave Spike this wtf look and he just snickered.

Moments later dark blue hoofs suddenly wrapped around me neck and said Princess kissed my cheek.

"Hello Derrick!" She said with a cheerful giggle.

"Oh hey there Luna!" I squeaked nervously. Everyone at the table struggled to hold in their laughs, they all looked like their heads were going to explode except for Mac who just looked concerned.

"So what are you all talking about?" Luna asked as she casually took a sip of my drink. Well not a sip more like she devoured it.

"You know... Guys night out... Just chilling..." I muttered, trying my best to stay calm.

"Uh huh. Does anypony mind if I steal him for the night?" Luna asked, looking around the table.

Please say yes please say y-

"Nnnoope!"

"Nu uh"!

"Of course not!"

"No your highness!"

"Go ahead!"

"No ma'am!"

The guys have betrayed me!

"Excellent! Let us go now!" Luna said as she pranced off happily. I stared death at all the guys at the table, who were laughing their asses off except Mac who stayed silent.

"Well go on lover boy!" Spike said.

"Don't keep a mare waiting!" Soarin laughed.

"Mistress gave ya an order partner!" Lightning quipped.

"Yep you should hurry!" Flash suggested.

"You're just swimming in it now aren't you?" Shining said.

Mac gave me a sympathetic look as he sadly pat my back.

"Good luck....DEAREST PRINCE!" he blurted as he exploded into laughter. Damn and I thought he cared for a minute there.

"Fuck you guys." I muttered as I followed Luna out, dreading the future.

...

"So Flash how'd it go with Twilight?" Spike asked making Shining's ears twitch.

"Oh it was annoying! She spent so much time planning it out that we barely had time to actually bu-"

"HOW DID WHAT GO WITH TWILGHT?" Shining demanded as his horn charged up and he snorted angrily.

"Uh oh..."

...

"So where are we going again?" I asked as I struggled to keep up with the moon Princess.

"My sister and I must recast the seal, it is starting to weaken." She explained.

"Uh huh...that's great and all, but Canterlot is THAT way..." I say, pointing in the opposite direction.

"You're correct." Luna said with a mischievous smile before completely vanishing in a blue light.

"Wait what the he-" I tried to say before Luna suddenly tackled me from behind and slammed me into the nearest cloud. I landed softly on my back and sat up. Luna landed on the edge giving me an intense stare of pure unadulterated lust.

I'm fucked.

"But... I thought you had to recaste the seal?" I stuttered.

"Oh we will...after I've had my way with you." She said with a creepy smile.

"Huh?" I say, my eyes the size of figurative dinner plates.

"For the next hour or however long it takes for you to culminate, you belong to me!" She decreed. The second I tried to bail she pinned me down effortlessly with her hooves.

"What about that bet you and your sister made?" I asked hopefully.

"Screw the bet!" Luna shouted.

"Um...I'm not sure I like we're this is going..."

"I want your penis Derrick, I NEED you in me!" She said with a serious tone. Then she turned around and presented her delectable fat cheeks too me.

"Actually I do like we're this is go-" I tried to say but I was interrupted by Luna essentially sitting on my face.

"Put thine tounge to work while we unsheath our prize!" Luna ordered as she grabbed my legs.

Yep... literally fucked.
> Act 7 part 1: Event on the Horizon
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act 7 part 1: Event On the Horizon

"Alright give it one more try!" Twilight urged.

"Come on you can do it!" Pinkie cheered.

"One more go Derrick!" Rarity said.

"Come on!" Rainbow shouted.

"Ya got this Sugarcube!" Applejack jeered.

"I believe in you" Fluttershy almost whispered.

I nodded firmly and flaired up my magic, focusing on the crudely Drawn X on the grass. The girls cheered and stomped their hoofs in unison, as they enjoyed their peaceful picnic in the grassy field.

I concentrated harder and started to feel lighter, then with a bright golden flash, I appeared at the X. I looked around and grinned. The girls cheered and Twilight walked over to me with a proud look.

"See? I knew you could do it!" She said with a nuzzle.

"Well I guess I can add teleporting to the vauge list of things I can do." I said with a crooked mouth.

"Well that list gets less and less vauge everyday!" Twilight says with a giggle. She's right about that, because for the past few days all we've been doing is testing the limits of my regular magic. I've also messed around with Spike and my chaos magic; did you know I can turn into a dragon? I look just like Spike, except my color scheme is black and white rather than purple and green. I suppose in theory I could turn into anything, but I've been a bit hesitant because of the seal.

"OK now y'all come eat!" Applejack called out to us, patting vacant spots on the picnic cloth. Twilight and I walked over and took our seats. I paused just to take another look at the graceful land, its colorful beauty bathed in Celestia's warm sun. The flowers and food gave off a wonderful aroma and I took a satisfying deep breath. I'm slowly starting to like Equestria and its colorful inhabitants, so much so that I actually got around to sending Tia my first friendship letter. It was pretty short but here's basically how it went.

...

"Dear Princess Celestia,

I've come to realize that guys here In Equestria aren't too different from guys back on earth. They're both complete doushbags that you still hangout with for some reason. Regardless of them being pricks, I'm actually quite fond of my...Friends... Somehow.

Anyways, I blame you completely for making me care about your little magical horses, so I hope you're proud of yourself Tia. I have no idea where I'm going with this anymore so in conclusion, I guess I made friends without realizing. Shocker right?

Sincerely, Derrick J. Young

PS: Twilight wouldn't let me send this shit without putting my full name.

PPS: Writing this wasn't as terrible as I thought.

PPPS: Your sister is insane "

Her response came in pretty fast.

"Dear Derrick

I'm Glad you've come to realize who your friends are, besides Luna and I of course. I have honestly forgotten that you were supposed to be sending friendship reports, but i am still overjoyed to finally receive one from you! Please continue to write them, for your letter has brightened up my otherwise mundane day. 

Sincerely your BEST friend Tia."

PS: I'm a bit curious. What is your full middle name? "

...

That's basically it. Tia keeps bugging me about what the "J" stands for in my name. I didn't tell her because its funny to hear her whine about it. Hearing a 1000+ year old goddess whine and beg for something is probably one of the most Hilarious and cute things I've ever seen.

"Oh Derrick I almost forgot!" Twilight blurted, ripping me from my thoughts.

"What?" I say, sitting up curiously.

"There are a few things you should know about teleporting." She said, taking a bite out of her daisy sandwich.

"*sigh* alright shoot."

"Keep your teleportation distances short and within your vision, otherwise you might end  up teleporting into something."

"Does that always happen?"

"It depends... Sometimes the spell places you away from the obstruction, sometimes it alters your position to make you fit, and in the worst case, you actually fuse with the object... Or pony." Twilight explained with a shudder.

"Oh..." I say, cringing with a sharp breath.

"Yeah, it hurts. ALOT. But hey! The good news is that it's reversible!" Twilight said with a nervous smile.

"Right... Anything else?" 

"Avoid doing it while injured, it requires almost 4 times the power." she added.

"Sheesh with all those limits what's the point?" Rainbow muttered with a sour expression.

"It's for his safety and besides, it's possible to do it without limits, its just really dangerous." Twilight said.

"Did you forget Twilight? Saftey isn't in Dash's vocabulary." I quipped, making the lavandar mare roll her eyes.

"Safety is for losers." Rainbow says with a confident smirk.

"Losers like to live..." Applejack said under her breath.

"Hey what did you say?" Rainbow exclaimed, staring death at Applejack. Then the two started to bicker among themselves, making everyone else shake their heads. Meanwhile I just changed to my Human form. I try to stay in it every chance I get, sometimes I get so caught up in the Dawn thing and forget my true self. I managed to filter out the girl's annoying banter and actually started to get drousy.

I was nodding of to peaceful sleep until-

"Twilight!" A Drake yelled. My eyes only opened when I heard someone's wings flap loudly.

"Look out!"

*WOMP*

"Dammit Spike!" I shouted as I clutched my left shoulder in pain. The fucker landed right on me!

"A little rusty?" Rainbow said with a giggle.

"Heh...sorry DJ." Spike said as he rolled off me. I think he dislocated my shoulder or something. I sat up and glared at him.

"What brings you here Spike? You look like you were in a hurry." Twilight asked.

"The Princess sent you a letter." Spike said as he pulled a scroll out of his pouch and handed it to Twilight.

"Hi Spikey Wikey!" Rarity said as she frantically waved at him.  His face colored and he tried to ignore her.

"I thought I told you not to call me that anymore." He said awkwardly. 

"Oh please darling, you know you love that name!" Rarity said as she walked over and hugged his leg.

"Not in front of them." He tried to whisper but we were already laughing. Everyone except Twilight, who was focused on reading the letter from Tia.

"Awww Y'all are just too cute!" AppleJack said with a grin and a hearty laugh.

"WHAT?!"  Twilight suddenly blurted in outrage, making us all stop and look.

"What?" I regrettably ask.

"MY BROTHERS GETTING MARRIED? " she blurted. Everyone gasped in surprise, except me, Spike and Applejack. Wait how does Applejack know?

"Yeah didn't you know?" Spike muttured. Some of Twilight's hair popped out of place and the letter fell to the ground. Everyone turned to Twilight in silence as her eye started to twitch.

"I thought that was old news to Y'all!" Applejack exlaimed. I swear I heard the sound of glass breaking in Twilight's head.

"You OK Twilight?" I ask hesitantly.

"NO! IM NOT OK!" She blurted so loud, that I had flashbacks from My first meeting with Luna. "My Brother thought it was OK to tell my friends about an important life dececion way before he told his own sister. Then when he finally DOES tell me, its with a letter! He didn't even send it to me himself! Why didn't he come in person!?" Twilight shouted angrily.

"Uh...maybe he was busy?" I say.

"Oh but I bet he told all of you in person!" Twilight said with a roll of her eyes. Spike and I sat there with guilty expressions.

"For the record my brother told me." Applejack said with a nervous smile.

"The worst part is my friends decided this was something I didn't need to know!" Twilight said as she glared at Spike and I.

"We thought you knew already!" I said as I backed away.

"And you really think I would just be sitting around if my B.B.B.F.F is getting married!?" Twilight yelled. I gave her a puzzled look and she rolled her eyes.

"Big Brother Best Friend Forever"

"Oh"

"There would be countless preparations to be made! I wouldnt be sitting here calmly if I knew about it!" Twilight said as she snorted angrily.

"Speaking of preparations..." Rarity said as she picked up the letter and started to read it. Rainbow, Applejack, Pinkie and Fluttershy crowded behind her to read it.

"Princess Celestia wants me to make the dresses!?!" Rarity said in surprise before proceeding to faint on the floor. Applejack shook her head and grabbed the letter.

"Golly! She wants me in charge of catering!" She said with a smile.

"She wants my song bird quire to perform. What an honor." Fluttershy said, smiling warmly.

"She wants me to host the Reception! Yay!" Pinkie said as she jumped high into the air.

"YES!  She wants me to do a sonic Rainboom when they say their I do's!" Rainbow said as she did a few tight rapid loops.

"Twilight! She also want ya to help organize it and make sure it goes smoothly! Twilight?" Applejack said, looking up from the letter. Twilight was sitting on the floor with her hoofs folded, mumbling and grumbling to herself.

"Well it looks like you guys will have your hoofs full." I muttered Spike with a chuckle.

"She also wants you to host the bachelor party Spike." Applejack added with a smug grin.

"What's a bachelor party?" Spike asked automatically.

"For Fuck's sake Spike..." I say with a facepalm.

"And finally Derrick. Shining armor is requesting a personal favor from you, but until then, you may help the others with their tasks." Applejack read.

"OK... Not sure what that's about. How could I help you guys anyway?" I muttered, slightly puzzled.

"I hear from Pinkie that ya got talent for bakin. I could use ya sugar cube" AppleJack said.

"If you practice a little bit, I bet you could pull of a sonic boom almost as awesome as mine. What if we did it at the same time?!" Rainbow said excitedly.

"You seem to know more about bachelor parties than me, so maybe you could help with that!" Spike suggested. "You can also help Twilight with the organizing too!" He added.

"I may have picked up a few things from hanging around her too much." I said with a shrug. 

"Alright sounds good to me!" Rainbow said with a nod.

"When are we leaving?" Fluttershy asked.

"Right away!" Twilight cut in as she finally stood up. She walked past the rest of us back in the direction of Ponyville.

"Alright everypony!" Meet at the train station in 20!" Spike announced.

"Oh please darling, only Rainbow dash could pack that quickly!" Rarity said. To punctuate her point all I could see of Dash was a Rainbow trail streaking away toward her house in cloudscale.

"Good point. So how about an hour?" Spike reasoned.

"Just get your stuff together dude..." I say with a facepalm as I transform into drift and fly away toward Twilight's. Once I'm halfway there I turn around immediately, remembering that I already have everything I would need to bring thanks to magic. So a landed in front of the train station. I saw a wooden bench and decided to sit, but before my ass even touched the seat Rainbow was already here with her saddlebag.

"Darn it! I thought I'd be first!" She said with disappointment and a light stomp.

"Is everything a race with you?" 

"Yeah pretty much." Rainbow said as she sat next to me.

"Well now we get to race and see who's patience runs out faster." I muttered with a sigh. She looked around then slumped in her chair.

"I should have known this would happen." She muttered.

"You should know how your friends are by now." I said with a chuckle.

"Yeah but they're your friends too!' Rainbow shot back.

"True. I still find it funny that I knew they were going to take forever before you did." 

"Whatever DJ" rainbow muttered as she gave me a light punch, causing me to fall out of the seat.

"What was that for?!" I exlaim as I get up.

"You're such a pushover!" Rainbow said as she started laughing.

"Considering its usually an alicorn that does that it barely tickled."

"It tickled huh? Well how about this!" Rainbow said, punching me again.

"Ok I was joking! It hurts when they do it and it hurts when you do it!" I complained as I rubbed my forleg with my hoof.

"Aren't you tougher than that? You took hits from that Ursa!" Rainbow said reminded.

"Not directly but yeah.  Things feel different when magic isn't flowing through your body and adrenaline is pumping through your veins." I explained.

"Whatever wimp." Rainbow muttered as she snickered and looked away. I used that opportunity to zap her forleg with my horn.

"Hey that hurt!" She shouted.

"Wimp." I say with a shit eating grin. Before I knew it the angry mare and I were violently wrestling on the floor.

"Take it back!" She shouted.

"Heck no!" I yelled back. After a struggle she managed to pin me to the ground with my forleg in an uncomfortable position.

"I said take it back!" She ordered sternly.

"I'm not going to-AHH!" 

"TAKE IT BACK!"

"NEVE-OW!"

"What in tarnation are y'all doing?" Appljack asked as she stared down at us.

"Great you're here! Can you pull this crazy mare off of me?"  I ask before getting my foreleg twisted further.

"Alright what did you do?" Applejack asked with a snicker.

"NOTHING!"

"lie again."

"ABSOLUTY NOT-OW! OK RAINBOW I TAKE IT BACK!" I yelped, finally giving in. She got off of me with a satisfied smirk.

"Good! Maybe you'll learn not to call me a wimp!" She stated as she walked back to the bench. Applejack shook her head and looked down on me.

"You alright sugar cube?"

"Never better." I say Sarcastically as she helps me up and I rub my foreleg tenderly.

"You should really watch your mouth around Rainbow. She's a mite sensitive." Applejack said with a smirk.

"I am not!" Rainbow snapped. Applejack and i just started to laugh, making Rainbow snort and look the other way. We actually managed to stay in silence after that...until Pinkie bounced up of course, Then we all had to keep from ripping our ears off. Fluttershy came next but I honestly barley noticed, that mare would be a great ninja.

Finally Spike arrived with both Twilight and Rarity, Twilight being on his back and Rarity in his left arm, while he carried a bunch of bags in his right. He had a slight annoyed expression as he set everything down. I took one look at the pile of bags then laughed.

"Rarity?" I asked, gesturing to the bags.

"Rarity." Spike confirmed blankly.

"What? Princess Celestia has entrusted me with making sure everypony's dress looks absolutely stunning! I must come prepared!" Rarity said in her defense.

"Look on the bright side! Now that you're grown, carrying her stuff will be way easier." I said with a snicker.

"Yes, but that doesn't make it any less annoying." Spike muttered under his breath.

"That's a good point DJ! Now he can help me carry 4 times the amount of bags! I should go  back and get more supplies!" Rarity said happily as she turned around and started to walk back towards her place. Spike's face fell and Twilight grabbed her with her magic.

"I'm pretty sure the Princess will have supplies for you Rarity." Twilight said confidentiality.

"Very well, I suppose you're right dear" Rarity said with a sigh.

"CAN WE PLEEEASE LEAVE NOW!?" Rainbow shouted as she frantically waved her forehoofs in the air.

"Yes lets go everypony!" Twilight said. She seemed to be out of whatever funk she was in earlier. After that we got on the train to Canterlot. 

...

Honestly not much to report on the train, the others conversed while I sat and listened, occasionally speaking. Pinkie was, being herself and Twilight was staring wordlessly out the window. Looks like the funk hath returned! Heh I need to stop hanging around Luna.

I walked over to her and tapped her shoulder. She slowly turned to me with a forlorn expression and sighed.

"Hey DJ..." She said as she smiled weakly.

"Hey Twi..." I said as I sat next to her.

"Still mad at Shining?"

"Not really. But I have a few things to say to him when I see him." She said as she frowned briefly. "But now I'm just worried."

"About what?" I ask with a flat brow.

"Now that Shining is starting a family with Cadence... He may not have time for me anymore." She said with sorrow.

"Eh don't worry I'm sure your B.F.F-"

"Its B.B.B.F.F"

"Whatever. I'm sure he can make time for you." I say, patting her on the back. She takes comfort in that and smiles.

"DJ"

"Yeah?"

"Do you have any brothers and sisters?"

"Nope." I say simply. Twilight nods and starts to look bemused.

"So I don't really know how you feel but knowing how Shining is , I would worry about it much." I said firmly.

"Thanks, I feel a lot better now." Twilight said with a smile. I nodded and walked away. I sat down in one of the comfy seats and layed back. The train ride to Canterlot was around 30 minutes long so I figured I'd take a short Nap.

...

A Warm wave of magic passed over me, instantly jerking me awake. The first thing I saw out the window was a gigantic Purple bubble that seemed to cover all of Canterlot. The others were just as surprised as I was.

"How did none of us notice this before? " I ask with a facehoof.

We all exited the train and entered the city, I noticed that there were a shit load of guards out and about.

"What's with all guards?" Rainbow asked.

"They're probably here to guard your massive ego." I quipped. Rainbow grumbled and folded her hoofs in front of her.

"Does somepony want their flank kicked again?"

"Is somepony mad or naw?" I say with a shit eating grin. Twilight had to hold Rainbow back with her magic after that. She made sure to add a mute spell as well, Rainbow's vocabulary can be more colorful than mine when she's mad.

After some walking we made it inside the castle gate, where Tia was Surprisingly waiting for us.

"Hello my friends!" She said happily. The girls ran up to her, nuzzling and hugging her, while Spike and I hung back with sheepish expressions.

"I never liked the touchy feely stuff." Spike whispered.

"Nuzzling is still weird to me." I whisper back. 

"Spike! DJ!" Celestia said as she happily trotted over to us. Spike and i braced ourselves but it didn't seem to help. She grabbed us into a tight hug. Because fuck you I'm an alicorn, she almost crushed my bones and even Spike's.

"I....can't...breath." Spike weized.

"I...it's only been....3 days... Tia..." I choked out. Celestia's eyes widened and she dropped us to the ground.

"Sorry." She said nervously.

"You hug like a bear." I coughed as I got up and dusted myself off. The others laughed while Spike and I looked unamused.

"Before I forget Derrick..." Celestia said, turning to me. "It would be a good idea to stay in your current form for the wedding." She suggested.

"Why?" I exclaimed. I was pretty bummed because the castle was one of the few places I could run around as a human.

"Princess Cadence has a lot of foreign friends attending." She explained.

"Right..." I say with a sigh. Then Rarity zipped up to Celestia.

"I would just like to thank you! It is an honer to be the one that make sure everypony looks smashing in their Dresses!" She said with a wide grin.

"Don't forget the guys!" Spike added.

"Yeah it will be Hilarious seeing THIS guy in a suit!" Rainbow said, teasing me by poking my side. I made sure nobody was around before turning into my human form to flip her off. Spike and Tia laughed, them being the only ones that I told what that means.

"Yes, he will need to be groomed first." Rarity said as she rubbed her chin and stared at my face.

"I agree. He is beginning to resemble a yeti." Celestia quipped. Everyone busted out laughing and I just stared at the proud looking alicorn and shook my head.

"OK....OK...alright... So you got jokes huh?" I say as I nod slowly.

"I was just making an observation." Celestia claimed.

"Sure sunbutt..." I say as I fold my arms and look away. Celestia came over to me and nuzzled my cheek.

"Aww you're not mad at me are you?" She asked playfully, making me blush. The others watched, trying their best to contain their laughter.

"Stop it!" I say in embarrassment as I try to push her muzzle away.

"I'm sorry Derrick but nuzzling you just isn't the same whenever it looks like something crawled onto your face and died." She said with a ghost of a smile, making the others chortle.

"Don't you have cake to eat or something?"

"Don't you have some shaving to do?"

"Aren't you late for your milking?"

"Aren't you late for your haircut?"

"Cow!"

"Monkey!"

"BITCH!" I blurted in frustration, before immediately covering my mouth. 

What have I done?

Celestia gave me this blank look, slightly narrowing her eyes. The others cringed and watched worriedly. Celestia closed her eyes and slowly turned to walk away.

"Tia i-"

"Captain Shinning Armor is waiting for you in the courtyard." She interuptted with a serious tone. 

"But I'm sor-"

"I have some very important matters to attend to, so I bid you all ado." she said before walking away. I looked at the others and they all looked disappointed.

"What!? She started it!" I say as I look around. They all folded their hoofs.

"I know her, she's just pretending! I've called her worse things before!" I say in my defence.

"Go fix it." Spike orders.

"But i-"

"APOLOGIZE!" The girls say in unison. I sigh and start walking after Tia.

"Fine!" I bark as I sprint to catch up with tia. I walk alongside her and she just stares forward and ignores me.

"Celie?" I say. Her ear twitches but she says nothing.

"Celie..." I say again as I poke her side. She gently pushes me aside with her wing.

"Oh come on! Don't be that way!"

"Do not speak to me for the rest of the day." She says in a serious tone. At first I believed her but I noticed something. When she said that, just for a moment I could see a suppressed smile. I started to grin mischievously.

"Aw tia are you mad at me?" I said as I walked in front of her. She stopped and stuck her nose in the air, turning to walk in a different direction.

"You know you can't resist me for the rest of the day..." I say as I wrap an arm around her. She uses her magic to pry me off and she walks away again, a faint blush on her face.

That always works maybe she IS mad!

Immediately rush in front of her and get on my knees.

"Seriously I'm sorry for being a douchbag! Please forgive me!" I plead genuinely. She steps in front of me and stares down at me with a flat brow.

"I'll do anything Tia! I'll even scratch that spot behind your ear that you like!" I beg.

"Get up." She commands. I shot upward and look at her sheepishly.

"Tia I'm sorr-"

She silences me with a hoove and closes her eyes with an annoyed sigh.

"Derrick."

"Yes mistress?" I say with a nervous smile. 

"You know I wasn't serouis right?"

"Yup! You don't really look like a cow." I said as I played with her ear.

"And you don't really look like a monkey." She said as she rubbed against me. "Then again... Perhaps if you had a Tail...." She trailed off smugly.

"Oh really? In that case I'll take your thigh with a side of Fries!" I teased as I grabbed her hind leg playfully. We both looked at each other for a few seconds until we broke out into full blown laughter.

"In all seriousness.." She said as she rubbed my hairy chin. "Get rid of this as soon as possible. I don't like it." She said with a frown.

"Luna thinks its cute and besides, it's my face!" I say with a smirk.

"But you belong to me my little human, so if I order you to shave, then you will." She ordered in a min serouis tone.

"As thou commands mistress." I say with a fake salute. She giggles and gives me a small peck on the lips. "If you keep pretending to be mad at me, I might actually piss you off without realizing."

"Oh you'd definitely know if I was REALLY angry." She said with a giggle.

"How would I be able to tell?"

"Well your head is still attached isn't it?"

"..."

"I'm kidding Derrick."

"Uh...huh.."

"I've had over 1000 years to practice keeping my composure"

"What about Luna?"

"Well she just chooses not to"

"Right. You two still deeply concern me"

"Oh we would never harm you DJ." She said as she gave me a normal hug."Now go see Shining armor. I hope to see you later with a smooth face and a sexy Suit." She said with a half lidded expression as she tickled me with her mane.

"Yeah yeah sunbutt." I quip as I start to walk away.

"If you look nice enough, you may have the honor of milking me." She says suggestively.

"That would only be enjoyable for one of us" I quip.

"Well that depends on how sweet my milk is"

"Tia stop talking dirty, you're horrible at it."

"Oh please you know you love it."

"Bitch"

"I love you too, snuggle buddy!"

I walk away, switching to my unicorn form and leaving the snickering alicorn to her business. The others have already gone inside so I just walked straight to the courtyard. When I opened up the courtyard I saw pretty much what I expected.

Shining Armor getting chewed out by Twilight.

I decided to wait until she was done, just watching from a safe distance. I couldn't hear most of it but I did hear a few words I didn't know Twilight was capable of uttering. Eventually she stomped away, leaving an embarrassed Shining. I walked over to him and smiled.

"She really toar into you didn't she?"

"Yep.." He said with a sigh. We both chuckled lightly and sat down at one of the benches.

"Damn dude you're about to get married!" I say as I pat him on the back.

"Yeah it's finally happening." Shining said with a nod.

"How are you feeling?"

"Well I don't think it's sunk in completely yet."

"Really?"

"Yeah but I'm pretty lucky to have Cadence, I mean she's the Alicorn Princess of Love for crying out loud. And I'm just a unicorn."

"Captain of the Royal guard.." I correct, making him laugh.

"Right. That has to count for something.."

"Yeah no shit." I quip making us both laugh.

"You should tie the knot with the other Princesses." He said as he bumped me. I smiled nervously and put my hooves up in an in innocent gesture.

"Naw dude we're just friends!"

"Come on that's manure!" Shining said with an angry snort.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm pretty sure friends don't sleep with each other."

"Well we have something where I come from called friends with benefits."

"Oh really? And what would that be?"

"A good friend that you can sleep with, without any repercussions." I explain.

"Huh....sounds almost like a snuggle buddy."

"Whatever."

"That's how it starts. Cadence and I were snuggle buddies before we made it official."

"See that's the part I'm worried about."

"What?"

"The official part. Right now I could be anyone's snuggle buddy I wanted."

"I don't know DJ, Alicorns can get really possessive."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. A mare winked at me once and Cadence went ballistic on her. You would have to deal with two!"

"Damn."

"Yeah, so even though you're not officially together, I'd watch who you stick it in if I were you."

"True." I muttered as I looked up into the sky at the shimmering pink bubble ."Hey what's with all the security anyways?" I ask.

"Well that brings us to the favor I wanted to ask of you." Shining said as he stood up. He concentrated and charged up his magic. Then a pink beam shot from his horn and into the sky, colliding with the barrier and strengthening it.

"A few days ago the Princesses and I picked up an enormous magical signature." Shining said, his serious Captain face returning.

"Where?" I ask as I stand up.

"We couldn't pinpoint it exactly, biet it was definitely in or around Canterlot. So we've locked the place down. The shield to keep whatever it is out, and if its already inside, we'll have plenty of security." Shining explained.

"What are you asking me to do?" I ask seriously.

"Keeping this barrier up is putting a lot of stress on me, I've been having constant headaches." Shining said as he rubbed his temple tenderly. "If my magic were to fail...I want you take over." He said with a serious look. I blinked in surprise. Is he seriously asking me to do this?

"Uh...OK...sure but..." I sputter as I rub my neck.

"But?" He asked with a raised brow.

"Why aren't the Princesses stronger than us? Shouldn't they be doing this?" I say.

"Well Its not nessessarily their job." He answered with a sigh.

"Uh huh." I say with a deadpan expression. "I'm not sure I can even make a shield that big." I say as I look at Shining's barrier with uncertainty.

"When the stakes are high and the adrenaline is flowing, I'm sure you can pull it off." Shining said with a confident look, as he put a hoove on my shoulder.

"I hope so." I say worridly.

"I'm pretty sure it won't come to that though, so just keep an eye out and try to enjoy yourself." He said with a warm smile.

"I was serious when I said I was going to crash your wedding by the way" I tease.

"Sure you were." He says with a snicker.

"I appreciate you doing this Derrick." Shining said thankfully.

"I'd wait until I've actually created the city sized shield before thanking me." I muttered.

"Well if you can't do that, then just be ready to face the source of that magic."

"How strong was it?"

"Not too sure...but it was definitely stronger than mine."

"That's comforting." I say with a shudder. I think Shining and I are about the same, but I haven't actuallty fought since the Ursas, so there's no way to tell.

"Anyway, we should get inside. I have things to do." Shining muttered.

"You and me both. It's not like I have a wedding to help plan or anything!" I quip. We both laughed as we entered the castle. Right inside the door we bumbed into Cadence.

"Hi Honey! " she said as she nuzzled Shining.

"Hey my lovely bride to be! I have to go check on something, so ill see you two later." Shining said as he waved and walked away, leaving me with Cadence.

"Hiiii Derrick!" She chirped happily.

"Sup." I say simply. Then she gives me this really weird smile and starts squeezing the life out of me. I noticed something strange about this hug. It wasn't the kind of hug you give good friends. It was more like the intement hugs that Luna or Tia would give me. Her wings were wrapped tightly around me and her muzzle was firmly pressed against mine. She took in my scent with a euphoric expression.

"Uh...you can let go Cadence." I say awkwardly, as I try and pull away.

"But I'm just so happy to see you my mate. I MEAN FRIEND!"

"What did you say?"

"Nothing. I need a little favor from you."

"And that favor would be?" I ask sheepishly as she stares at me with a lidded expression, our lips practically touching.

"Oh you'll see.." She says with a smirk as she makes us walk, her powerful wing still wrapped around me. I give her an uncertain look and she just giggles innocently. Woah...were her eyes green for a second there?

"Where are we going?" I ask nervously

"My room." Cadence says casually.

"To do what?"

"Activities"

"I don't think th-"

"Shh! Just come on it'll be fun!"

"Whatever you say Princess..."

"Don't call me Princess, call me Candy."

"Uh OK... Candy."

"That's more like it. Here we are!" Cadence said as we got to her room. Inside was something akin of Celestia's room but a touch smaller. I didn't get to look at it much because my attention was brought toward the door that was slammed and locked behind me.

"Um explain?" I demand.

"Could I see your human form for a second? I have a hunch." She said as she studied me closely. An odd request but I guess that's why she wanted us alone. The foreigners might see me. I transformed into my human form and folded my arms. 

"OK...what's your hunch?" I ask. She says nothing and just walks over to me, studying me closely. 

"This is new..." Cadence said as she stared at my hairy chin in disgust.

"Tia says I should get rid of it."

"And She's right!" Cadence said with a shudder. I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"OK seriously what are you doing?" I ask suspiciously. She smiles mischievously and starts humming to herself.

"I like this..." She said as she stared at my chest. Next thing I know, my shirt is up and she's licking my abs with her unusually long tounge. I squirmed and fell onto my back.

"Cadence what are you smoking?" I exclaim.

"I suppose I may as well be forward with you since you won't remember anyways." Cadence said with a shrug.

"What?"

"We're going to rutt and your going to enjoy every second of it." She said with a deadpan expression.

"Yeah...nope" I say as I Try to stand, only to be paralized by her green magic.

"Did I say that you have a choice? My bad! Because you don't."

"Shit"

...

"Thanks for helping me out DJ! I really needed that!" Cadence said with a warm smile. Her hair was a mess and her fur was drenched with sweat and her hindlegs were noticably shaking too. She pushed me out of her door and smiled.

"Uh...what exactly did I do again?"

"Don't worry about it, just know you did a good job!"

"OK. Are you alright? You don't look so good."

"Yep! Just need a little shower that's all!"

"Whatever you say Princess."

"Candy, call me Candy."

"OK...Candy."

"Go check on the preparations for me will ya?"

"Um sure" I said as I stumbled away in confusion, feeling light headed.

...

My goodness he's perfect! I've never felt so full! When Canterlot is mine, we shall rutt for all eternity! Chrysalis thought as she walked over to the window and looked outside of it, watching the peaceful city with some dread.

Too bad There is no way to get food for the hive without taking over... Equestria would never accept my changlings into their society. That would look at us as mere Insects.

*sigh*

Oh well... it must be done! The queen told herself as she moved to her shower to wash the stench of Rough sex off of her.

At least I have a mate to look forward too...