I'm a 18 year old girl and Love Note is my OC. Oh, and i'm a gamer. :3
Love Note, a pegasus mare, is not your average pony. She has no color. Her body is a sleek white and her mane is a polished black. They say that her soulless grey eyes can see your deepest darkest secrets. The tips of her wings are black because of the souls shes taken. Everypony has heard these stories. But thats what they are, right? Just stories?
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I definitely enjoyed this, though one thing.... Watch for your I(s) sometimes they're not capitalized.
Me likes. Very nice you deserve better for this awsome idea.
5200235 Thank you for your help. I went back and fixed the I's that were not capitalized.
The worst part of the story is reaching the end of a chapter and not seeing the "Next" button.
Although the same thing applies to all stories I guess.
5204258 Haha well lucky for you I have a lot of free time to write at the moment.
Ohhhhhh! I hope this dosen't mean she gets caught cause that would be awkward....
quite interesting story^^
lookin forward to read the rest =3
as good as the story meight be, there are many misspellings and way too many short sentences.
some words are missing too.....
5227339 Could you by chance show me some? I am the worlds worst speller!
well, basically at the last two chapters, I'll look for them later, rather tomorrow, right now I'm not able to focus on anything....
5227801 Ok thank you very much. Hope all is well with you?
My only complaints
It felt you could have unshortend some things and a couple of sentences that could have been merged. Which is the exact opposite problem I have. I swear I have some freakish disability of pressing the period button.
Grammatical Errors and ocasionally word choices.
I was going to leave a good example but I couldn't find it again.
Also I would have espected Celestia to show up at some point considering how dire the situation was.
There's some some what constructive criticism of a story I really liked and... here take a favorite if I haven't already given you one.
yeah, just feelin a little wierd since a week or so....
we´ll then, some examples for misspelling and stuff....
It hits me hard and I smash threw the wall behind me.
the error here is that it would have to be spelled "trough" insteat of threw
and mabe replace the "it hits me hard" with: "because my magic was not strong enough yet I couldn't absorb his energy and got struck so hard that it threw me trough the wall behind me"
I launch myself at him and hit him hard.
What's buggin me here is that you wrote that very oftn, you could discribe it better like "I launch myself at him and knock him down", well something like that...
or maybe "I fly towards him, accelerate as I close in and put my whole weight in to this attack as I crash in to him, knocking him down on the ground."
Just try to form longer sentences and describe things a little better, it'll make the whole story better.
His blood it fowl,
just a simple typing error here I guess....
I hope I could help
In case I was mistaken and you meant it to be the way it is, just go ahead and tell me
As I already said, I'm not a genious in that matter either...
5230936 Thank you so much! I hope you feel better. I'm really bad at spelling and sometimes I type too fast and mix letters up like the 'it' instead of 'is'. Haha but that you again, you did help! I'll go back and make some sentences longer.
Oh and if something is going on and you want to talk about it, (its what I do best, trust me i'm way better at that then spelling!) just message me. Unless of course you're just sick and i'm misunderstanding you.
5230614 Thank you. I was planing on having Luna show up but I really wanted to have Love Note fight Shining Armor and not Luna. I do plan on having her in my second book though. I have a really bad habit of changing my stories all around so don't take that as a promise. This book was my third attempt at writing Love Note's story.
I'm going to go back though and make some sentences longer. Thank you so much for the help!
5231376
Story of my life and then some.
my pleasure^^