Cotton Candy, a pink maned mare ditz wants to help the young filly, Sky Light find just the perfect costume for Nightmare Night. The only problem is, well, Cotton Candy is a ditz and has the worst ideas sometimes.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 30th Nov, 2013
- offline last seen Jun 30th, 2021
LoveNote
I'm a 18 year old girl and Love Note is my OC. Oh, and i'm a gamer. :3
LoveNote
Joined 30th Nov, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Stratocaster · 24k words · 1,239 25 · 16k views
- Parodyman64 · 61k words · 273 5 · 4.5k views
- FanOfMostEverything · 2.6k words · 181 2 · 3.3k views
- DannyJ · 6.6k words · 351 10 · 5.1k views
- Follow Focus · 1.5k words · 526 19 · 6.5k views
- horizon · 1.7k words · 195 4 · 2.5k views
- Warren Hutch · 2.7k words · 221 6 · 2.9k views
- Justice3442 · 39k words · 343 14 · 4.3k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.15 seconds
Total duration
713 users online
938,080 hits today, 2,139,894 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Normally I don't read "this is my first story" stories because I generally just don't find their descriptions interesting, but the cover art for this one really caught me with the adorableness.
Anyways, I think I'd suggest finding someone to read your stories after you've written them, or simply rereading them out loud to someone. Trust me, I've caught so many of my own mistakes that way.
As for the story itself, it has the potential to be something quite cute. However, it needs a bit more fleshing out.
From a grammatical standpoint: Firstly, I'd suggest spacing out the paragraphs. It makes it look less like squeezed together clumps of text, and gives the illusion of being a longer story.
You accidentally went first-person mode here.
From a story standpoint: Is her name Star Light or Sky Light? Because the name in the story and the name in the description don't match up...
Secondly, how old is this filly? CMC age? Slightly older/younger? Just curious, as she is clearly young enough to need a babysitter.
I wouldn't mind going through the story as a whole and fixing it up to be more presentable and informative about the surroundings and characters a bit, if you're in need of an editor. Either way, good luck with the rest of your fics!
5254565 I would love it if you would help fix this story up, I don't have an editor. Thank you! I will also go and fix what you have already told me about. :) Oh and her name should be Sky Light, and she is a little younger then the CMC.
5261643
Send me a PM sometime and I'll see what I can do