I'm a 18 year old girl and Love Note is my OC. Oh, and i'm a gamer. :3
This story is an alternate ending to the episode Flight To The Finish.
After Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom told Scootaloo that they did not want a quitter, they left her to her thoughts. What if this time, Rainbow Dash, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom don't get to her in time?
Edited, has the final touches.
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I'm reminded of this for some reason,
You spelled quitter wrong. Quit=Quitter =, Quiet=Quitter. Easy mistake.
5325910 Thank you, I fixed it. ^_^
5325854 Oh my gosh xD Yes. That is perfect.
You aren't flying. You are GLIDING. Much different and likely quite a disappointment when she tries to take off or actually gain altitude or somesuch.
I'm going to go cry in a corner now...
Sniff
Shootaloo could fly a balloon or a Huey. sad little chicken
Meh.
That is all.
Alright, why did my last comment get dislikes? This story honestly isn't that good.
And one of the reasons is the pacing. One minute Scootaloo is arguing with her friends, the next minute she's jumping off a random cliff. This story should've been expanded, slowing things down to a reasonable pace instead of presenting all of this information to the reader so quickly. Feelings can't be rushed onto the reader. A story can't be rushed onto the reader.
An example would be showing Apple Bloom's anger at her friend in the beginning, having her slowly turn from happy to angry after some small bickering with Scootaloo like,"Cheer up, you don't have to fly!" and then Scootaloo saying,"But what's a pegasus without her wings? I'm worthless without being able to use them," and then having Apple Bloom eventually get annoyed with her self doubt instead of instantly going,"Well, buck you then!"
Also, detail is something this story is lacking. For example, when she walks over to the cliff, the author could've described it. Maybe if it was short or tall, if trees grew on it, if it was close or faraway from Ponyville. Like instead of blandly saying this--
--The author could've said something like this:
Do you see what I'm saying? Details make a story that much better.
Then we move on to Scootaloo's thought process. After a few sentences, she moves on to suicide. She should've, for example, debated herself about being worth nothing for a few hundred words, or slowly began to bring herself to the conclusion of death by thinking about all the times she had failed herself and her friends. The whole bashing on herself for a few lines isn't enough.
And that ending, to be brutally honest, was bad. There needed to not only be more of the things I stated above, but there needed to be more emotion. More feels. The author needed to punch us in the face with sadness. But instead we get,'Look at Scootaloo kill herself! Insert tears!' The author could've really expanded on the ending, milking the emotions out of it. Like, for example, describing her feeling of peace as she jumped, or how she sobbed uncontrollably as she plummeted towards her fate, feeling a bit selfish and even more worthless as she did so.
So all in all, the idea was good, but the execution needs work. Lot's of work.
I wonder what the other ponies reactions are to her killing herself.
Wait..
Did she kill herself?
5327257 Hmm, ok. The first part of the story is straight from the episode, so I could not add any more words to what they had said. And the pacing. Yes, it was fast. But this story was an alternate ending to the episode I stated in my description. It had to be fast, because it did not take long before Rainbow Dash had talked to the other CMC's and they jumped off the train to go get Scootaloo. The more description, I get that, and thank you for that. :3
5327266 Yes she did.
5327956 Now, all you need to do is write a sequel.
This isn't a request.
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110223005434/fallout/images/f/f4/PolicePistol.png
But seriously, a sequel would be awesome. Any plans on one?
5327964 Um, I was not planing on it, but I can if you would like ^_^
(I really don't want to be shot)
5327975 img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110223005434/fallout/images/f/f4/PolicePistol.png DO IT
5327980 Ok I'll do it! xD
Sequel please...
5329187 I will be doing one shortly. :)
Give her some time, will ya?
Good things take time to develop to the full potential.
If you force her to do it in a hurry it won't be as good as it could be.
My god I have a head ache from crying plus my cat died so I think that started it
5359297 Oh I'm sorry about your cat! D:
Ok every pony, I have done the sequel. It is called broken Pieces. Hope you all like. :)
I can still find a few mistakes here and there.
5377689 Hmm do you mind telling me them?
5381750
*Both (It's after a period.)
*she's
*knew (It's past tense.)
*everypony (Since it's a parody of "everyone")
Word missing.
*dodges
Delete the marked word.
*fill
If you're referring to the fact that there isn't anyone around, the correct word would be "abandoned".
It's a question. Should end in a question mark not a period.
*Everypony
*anypony
*through ("Threw" is past tense of "throw".)
Besides, you have a tendency to use too many periods. Watch out for that.
5384853 Thank you so much for your help!