The Evil Inside

by LoveNote

Chapter 10

I open my eyes. Around me is a forest. The trees looks... weird. They have a blue hue to them. I stand up. As far as I can see its just this forest. I trot forward. No animals, no ponies.

"Hello?" I call out. Nothing. I look up. The sky above me is dark except for the stars. They are shining extra bright tonight. I jump into the air and fly above the tree tops. Still as far as I can see only trees. I land again. Where am I? A light flashes behind me and I turn. A white mare with a purple and black mane stands before me. Her eyes were as grey as mine. Sorrow filled them.

"My dear Love Note." She says softly and hugs me tight. Love is just emanating off of her. "How much I have missed you, my daughter." I freeze. Daughter. The mare lets me go and looks me up and down.

"Mom?" I ask carefully. Her eyes meet mine again. They fill with tears.

"Of coarse. They took your memories." I look her up and down. This was my mom. My mom was killed when I was little. Before my accident. That is all I remember from before then. It came to me in a dream.

"Mom." I whisper, my voice cracking. I grab her and pull her to me in a big hug. Tears flow freely from both of our eyes. "Mom." I say again. She hugs me tighter.

"Mom how?" I ask when we let go of each other. My mom, Day Dreamer, looks at me sadly.

"You are in the Moonlight Shadow forest. The time between life and death. Celestia and Luna allowed me to come back here and see you. To talk to you." She said. I snuggle up to her. She plays with my mane.

"I have missed you mom." I say quietly. She pauses and then goes on playing with my mane.

"I know, Love. I've missed you too. I have to ask you though, because I don't know how long we have here, have you found your sister?" She asks. I sit up and look at her. A sister?

"I didn't know I had a sister." I say sadly. Dreamers eyes drop.

"Her name is Electric Slide. Shes a dancer. She looks just like me, only with purple eyes. Honey, you have to find her for me." She says. A wind blows threw the forest. My moms eyes fill with worry. She jumps up and hugs me again.

"Love Note. I love you." She says. I hold her close.

"Mommy I don't want to leave you again!" I cry out. Tears fall from our eyes.

"Baby you have to. Your time is not yet here! You have a whole life ahead of you!"

"Don't make me go mommy." I whisper to her.

"Find Electric Slide. I love you." She whispers back. Everything around me starts to fade.

"I love you mom!" I yell to her as everything goes black.

I open my eyes and stair at the white ceiling overhead. A beeping comes to my ears and I look around. I'm in the hospital again. Beat is sitting in the chair next to me. I shift my weight. The bed creaks and Beats head shoots up. We make eye contact and he jumps over to my bed. Our lips meet in a loving kiss.

"I thought you were going to die." He says, his voice shaky. His eyes were red and puffy.

"Where you crying?" I ask softly. Beat blushes and wipes at his eyes. I smile. A nurse walks in a freezes. She quickly walks back out and then returns with a white and blue stallion. He was wearing the guards armor and looks pretty beat up. I frown.

"Dark Soul, you are under arrest." I look at him confused.

"I'm not Dark Soul. I'm Love Note. And who are you?" I look up at Beat. He bit his lip and walked over to the stallion.

"Can we talk somewhere else?" He asks him polity. The stallion gives a quick nod. They leave. I sit in silence staring at the ceiling. My whole body aches. I look over at the nurse.

"Uh, what happened? Why am I hear?" She looks at me confused and then walks out of the room. Thanks a lot. Beat and the stallion walk back in and Beat walks right back to me, placing his hoof on mine.

"I'm sorry, we seam to be having a problem with identity. We are looking for a mare that looks like you but has red eyes. Sorry for any problem I have caused." The stallion says stiffly before walking off. I look at Beat, confused.

"You were in an accident. There was a bat pony with the ability of magic out and Shining Armor is looking for her now." He kisses me again. "Don't worry though. You're safe now."

"I love you." I say to him. His eyes widen and a big smile comes to his face.

"I love you too."

The hospital released me four days after I woke up there. Both Tavi and Vinyl visited me there. Beat practically lived there with me. Now that I am home I plan on fulfilling my moms request. I need to find my sister. And the pony that did this to me, my mom, and her. My mom said 'They took your memories.' and I plan on finding out who 'They' are.

I start to throw some of my things into my saddle when Tavi walks into my room. She sees me stuffing things into my bag and her eyes drop.

"Leaving?" She asks quietly. I see Beat peek his head around Tavi. My heart drops.

"Yes. I need to find my sister." I have already told them about my vision when I almost died. "I was going to say good bye." Beat pushes past Tavi and walks up to me.

"If you are going, then I am going with you." He says firmly. I frown. I didn't tell then the other half of my plan.

"No, Beat. This is something I need to do alone." I say and look him in the eye.

"I told you that you would never be alone again. And I mean it. I am going with you." He stands his ground. I sigh.

"Ok Beat." I smile. "I actually wont mind you coming. The company will be good." He smiles. I look up at Tavi. Her eyes are sad.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. With my sister." I smile reassuringly at her. She smiles back.

"I know. This is something you have to do." She walks over to me and gives me a hug. "I'll miss you though. Both Vinyl and I. Beat, keep her safe for me." She adds. I stand and put my bag on my back. We head over to the door.

"I love you Tavi. Give Vinyl love for me." I hug her again and head out the door.

"I love you too, Love Note." Tavi calls out as we start to walk out. Beat and I walk side by side in silence as we head for his house. He gathered his stuff fast, being a traveler he did not have a lot of stuff. We walk to the edge of Ponyville and look back.

"We wont be back soon, will we?" Beat asks me, looking me straight in the eye.

"No." I respond. We walk off, our destination unknown.

Author's Note:

BEFORE you freak out about the ending!!! This is the first book in a series. Yes! A series. I don't know when I will start on the next book, I want to finish my other book first. And I have to write another Cotton Candy book before Thanks giving. So give me some time. And thank you all for the reads.

Comments

[Cranky]

as good as the story meight be, there are many misspellings and way too many short sentences.
some words are missing too.....

[LoveNote]

5227339 Could you by chance show me some? I am the worlds worst speller!

[Cranky]

well, basically at the last two chapters, I'll look for them later, rather tomorrow, right now I'm not able to focus on anything....

[LoveNote]

5227801 Ok thank you very much. Hope all is well with you?

[ThePinkDerpFace]

My only complaints
It felt you could have unshortend some things and a couple of sentences that could have been merged. Which is the exact opposite problem I have. I swear I have some freakish disability of pressing the period button.
Grammatical Errors and ocasionally word choices.

I was going to leave a good example but I couldn't find it again.

Also I would have espected Celestia to show up at some point considering how dire the situation was.

There's some some what constructive criticism of a story I really liked and... here take a favorite if I haven't already given you one.

[Cranky]

yeah, just feelin a little wierd since a week or so....
we´ll then, some examples for misspelling and stuff....

It hits me hard and I smash threw the wall behind me.
the error here is that it would have to be spelled "trough" insteat of threw
and mabe replace the "it hits me hard" with: "because my magic was not strong enough yet I couldn't absorb his energy and got struck so hard that it threw me trough the wall behind me"

I launch myself at him and hit him hard.
What's buggin me here is that you wrote that very oftn, you could discribe it better like "I launch myself at him and knock him down", well something like that...
or maybe "I fly towards him, accelerate as I close in and put my whole weight in to this attack as I crash in to him, knocking him down on the ground."
Just try to form longer sentences and describe things a little better, it'll make the whole story better.
His blood it fowl,
just a simple typing error here I guess....

I hope I could help
In case I was mistaken and you meant it to be the way it is, just go ahead and tell me
As I already said, I'm not a genious in that matter either...

[LoveNote]

5230936 Thank you so much! I hope you feel better. I'm really bad at spelling and sometimes I type too fast and mix letters up like the 'it' instead of 'is'. Haha but that you again, you did help! I'll go back and make some sentences longer.

Oh and if something is going on and you want to talk about it, (its what I do best, trust me i'm way better at that then spelling!) just message me. Unless of course you're just sick and i'm misunderstanding you.

[LoveNote]

5230614 Thank you. I was planing on having Luna show up but I really wanted to have Love Note fight Shining Armor and not Luna. I do plan on having her in my second book though. I have a really bad habit of changing my stories all around so don't take that as a promise. This book was my third attempt at writing Love Note's story. I'm going to go back though and make some sentences longer. Thank you so much for the help!

[ThePinkDerpFace]

5231376

I have a really bad habit of changing my stories all around

Story of my life and then some.

[Cranky]

my pleasure^^