The personal diary of Sunset Shimmer: from the days prior to being chosen by Princess Celestia as her new prize student, to her ascension through the School for Gifted Unicorns, to her corruption and lust for power, to her escape to and conquest of Canterlot High School, to her attempts at atonement, and finally her redemption.
After seeing "Rainbow Rocks", I wanted to do a Sunset Shimmer piece, but I couldn't think of a good stand-alone that wouldn't come off as another "Equestria Girls" clone. I think I could come up with a "good" story if I thought of it long enough, but I'm backlogged on fanfiction dot net and I wanted a quickie. This isn't my "best work" by far but hopefully it will interest people more in my more "dramatic" work...or, heck, even my "Two Background Ponies" series.
The image I'm using is public domain.
This followed Midwinter of the same year. So this should be 996, yeah?
*sixth
This was pretty great. I really liked how Sunset developed from frightened, bullied child to angry, vengeful teen. It flowed together in quite the natural progression. Looking forward to the rest!
You accidentally a letter.
This was... This was pretty great. Again, the development of Sunset from start to finish was handled wonderfully. It all flowed together so well.
5185888
I knew I'd flub up on those dates eventually... I changed them about five times before I got the "timing of events" right. Luckily edits are easy on this site.
*on my own
I really, really enjoyed this. I thought you did a great job of developing Sunset throughout the story. Her shifts in character were always believable, and they flowed so well together.
Don't sell yourself short. This was a pretty great character study. You should be proud of it.
Are you trying to tell me this isn't dramatic? Either the rest of your stuff is brilliant, or you have a really weird relationship with this story.
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Well, the fact of the matter is compared to a lot of stories on this site I don't get many views, and most of the ones I do are from my "Two Background Pony" series which is satire and more adult humor rather than dramatic.
I personally consider "The Empress of the Iron Bridle" to be my best work, for example, but it's got the lowest number of views and the highest number of dislikes, and now it's too "old" to like because it's pre-alicorn Twilight Sparkle.
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Normally, I'd say don't worry about views. But assuming I were in a similar situation, I'd probably worry about it as well.
That said, you wrote a good thing. Don't let low view count get you down.
Hogwash.
A good thing is a good thing. Age is irrelevant.
Nothing short of amazing, yes. Loved the development of the root causes of things at the very beginning (viable and believable cause/effect through her whole process) and then up through the strong emotions in what turned out to be mutual regret at the end but still leaving that possibility for hope.
Certainly hope it does get a lot of views. I found it from the reddit link, for what it's worth.
Honestly, I'm surprised that Celestia did not even consider trying to talk to Sunset's parents or the teacher from her old school about how she was mistreated during fillyhood. Then she would have figured out why Sunset never wanted to make friends. Then again, that's Celestia for you, always putting Equestria first so much that she becomes too blind to see what's going on with those close to her, and she never even realizes that until it is FAR TOO LATE.
You did a good job with Sunset's characterization. She's a criminally underused character, if you ask me, and her past is ripe for exploration and elaboration.
I'm just getting into your fanfiction and I'm not enjoying it a whole lot. This is probably just me, but I hate when Sunset Shimmer is characterized as Twilight in pre-apprentice hood. I feel like Celestia merely worsened what Sunset Shimmer was. For example, she inflated Sunset's confidence. I want a Sunset Shimmer that's more her... This is all just an interpretation of mine, but I think Sunset Shimmer is ultimately deeper if she was still distinguish-ably not like Twilight in pre-aprentice hood.
5192407
Would you mind clarifying this:
Because I am not at all seeing that. Meaning, given this story and canon, I see them as easily distinguishable characters pre-apprenticehood.
So I'm really curious as to how you came to that conclusion. Maybe I'm missing something.
5196399
I think he/she means how both Sunset and Twilight started off as students who were devoted to magic but thought little of friendship. Well, not for everyone.
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They still seemed like pretty distinguishable characters to me, so I was just wondering if I was missing something. Ah well.
As a note, the first three seasons and the start of the fourth season all take place over the course of a single year.
5200126
I suppose that's possible, but if it is then that means the chronology of the show is "randomized". They perform Winter Wrap Up in the first season, but it's winter again in the second season during Hearth's Warming Eve. Essentially I think you can't put too much stock in what season it is for determining time, but I went ahead and went for "one season per year" for this.
Nice story I thoroughly enjoyed it
What to say about this story? I think this very well might be one of my favorite pieces of fiction in a long time.
I am no expert by any means of the canon in the comics, so I have no idea what parts of the backstory are taken from where, but I really really like the concept that she went through that stuff through school. I am especially attracted to Book of Redemption, because I get a huge kick about reading about post-EqG Sunset, and this is by far my favorite interpretation of what happened (even if we only catch the jist of it in diary form).
Really, pretty much everything in this fic (except for Book of Corruption, because corruption), really makes me really appreciate the road she went down earning her happy ending at the end of Rainbow Rocks, and it makes that ending seem more well deserved.
Also I think you might be colored to know that while I've many reasons for joining the site today, this story is what first prompted me into thinking about it. Kudos to you!
I don't like how you had her start out as a bully victim in the previous chapter, but this chapter is pretty great and I've got no criticism of your portrayal of her.
IMO, she was never a victim. Just like Diamond Tiara was never a victim. She doesn't need an excuse.
Overall I feel this story capture's Sunset's internal state pretty well. Definitely an upvote from me. Except for "moments of weakness":
(1) How she was a bully victim as a filly.
(2) How she was a bully victim immediately after EqG.
I personally think Sunset is stronger than her depicted reactions in this story. Much stronger. Granted that strength of character is ruined somewhat by RR, which really had her switch from heel to face too fast. But whatever, I understand why Hasbro did it.
The point is... Having her break down to such assaults feels like fishing for sympathy points. I quote myself: "She doesn't need that excuse."
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Fair enough. You make some good points. My main motivation for including that background to Sunset Shimmer was how she appeared at the end of the original "Equestria Girls" after she was hit by the Elements of Harmony. Some people make the argument that being hit by the Elements of Harmony entails a "forced conversion to good" or even "brainwashing into being good", which I don't agree with. I figure everyone is "basically good"...just something in their lives twists them and "sets them down the wrong path". As I said in the story, I feel like the villains have gradually, over the years, been lulled into "living a nightmare" without even knowing how far they've fallen, and that being hit by the Elements of Harmony is essentially a "slap in the face to wake them up" so they see how bad they've become. I noticed after being blasted in the first film that Sunset Shimmer was meek, shy, cringing, and seeming to be scared of everyone and everything. I remember her crying and saying: "I didn't know there was any other way..." How I interpreted that was that something had caused her to fear and distrust those around her and to make herself "feel safe" around other people she had to be able to dominate them, bully them, intimidate them, etc. so that she herself would never feel threatened by anyone. The fact she also said: "I don't know anything about friendship..." indicated she never had a friend before in her life, at least to me.
It boils down to how I interpreted the end of the first movie. I hope you understand my reasoning a bit better even if you don't like that part of the plot.
Your second point was also valid. You're right in pointing out how Sunset Shimmer took being a "social outcast" more "in stride" in the movie. Yet people can put on a brave face on a lot of things. Since this is a diary, I figured this would be how she would get her interior thoughts and feelings out. I can see where you might not have agreed with it, though, and how it could have made her "appear weaker".
However, I'm glad you seemed to enjoy her thoughts toward the end of the Book of Redemption. Thank you for the review.
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Yes I like your version of the rainbow being Ghost Rider's penance stare... OF FRIENDSHIP!
One of the better takes I've read, on what happens from the POV of the person tasting the rainbow.
I finally just finished this story and it was a huge grind for me. I'm at odds with your interpretation and presentation of Sunset Shimmer's character throughout.
In the first chapter, I don't feel like I'm reading from Sunset Shimmer's perspective at all. I said earlier that it felt a lot like Twilight. Let me clarify here. In the beginning, she seemed WAY too feel-y and WAY too shy. Where's that sorta edge to her personality? Where's her hard logical-ness? I know she's a filly, but you can still do a lot with a filly personality. I mean, just look at the Mane6 in Cutie Mark Chronicles or the CMC. Each of them as fillies have a personality that is more or less recognizable and distinguishable.
Then, Sunset Shimmer started to get more and more filled with power. But, bluntly speaking, the personality shifts are just too extreme for me. You transitioned all of it, but it just fells bazaar. Characters and Real human beings a like don't make those dramatic of shifts in personality, especially in this short of a time span. The way it's all done, it feels like that edge to her personality and hard logical-ness was merely just a detour. Sunset in that time also seems drained of personality. The hard logical-ness isn't capitalized on and the edge to her personality, seems hollow given this story's reasoning for it. There's so much to EqG 1 Sunset that needs to be explained and by the second chapter it doesn't feel like much was.
In the last chapter, I just feel like we hit feeling overload again, and a lot of the more subtle aspects to her character in EqG2 get ignored. By feeling overload, I'm referring to Sunset's constant crying for a better part of the chapter. I don't see her having her feelings that much on her sleeve, even in between both movies. Reason being, the movies disagree with that presentation. She cried at the end of EqG1, but even that was short lived. When we see Twi leave at the end of EqG1, Sunset wasn't crying; she felt sorry, but the tear fest wasn't happening. The second movie backed it up further with her not crying at all. Given what we've seen of her in the two movies, it's too dramatic of a change for me to have this much feels come out. One of the single most biggest points of my frustration was when you referred to the Twilight Sunset kitchen scene. You completely ignored a critical piece to what Sunset said. She said "Must be nice to have everyone always looking to you for answers to their problems... instead of waiting for you to cause a problem." You acknowledged the second part of the verse, but not the first. She still wanted people to look to her for their problems. She wanted that responsibility and leadership. That problem of hers was aided by her disappointment at the humane5 choosing Twilight over her, (Because she wanted them to look to her for answers). And instead, you had her ask not to be a member of the band and then have her get upset when she's not included. It doesn't make sense to have both. Plus, given what happened in the second movie, you shouldn't have had her ask not to be in it. That takes away the weight of the humane5's decision.
In general, I find this story to be painfully simple in regards to Sunset's character. There's a whole clump of complexity that I expect in Sunset's past that simply wasn't shown. It was transitioned well, but it never got to significant complexity. She was sad filly bullied in school, then happy of herself for being powerful, then corrupt with power. Her transition in the second chapter was more her learning about new techniques and becoming more careless and lonely. Her corruption seemed to stay the same throughout. Lastly, the third chapter reverted her back to that sad shy character and gradually raised her up to essentially be confident. Other than that, not much is shown in terms of her last character.
My criticism is harsh, because I'm very critical of Sunset Shimmer stories that seem disconnected to the character I envision. To me, there was a distinct character shown in the first movie. Yes, she had many traits of typical high school bully, what with her antagonist methods, but a personality still shined through. One way I describe said personality is as an ENTJ from MBTI. I've looked into MBTI for well over a year, soon it will be two, and those pieces of her character are things I insist must remain throughout. ENTJs are like every personality type; they're diverse. You don't have to remove the personality in Sunset Shimmer's early years, making her incredibly emotional. You don't have to depart with the personality once Sunset becomes reformed. You can chalk up everything I say to headcanon, but I insist that Sunset Shimmer isn't Sunset Shimmer when you remove her personality. Even in the second movie, despite the regret and concern she faced, she still remained, at her core, an ENTJ.
(Edit: In the second movie end credits, they showcase something that is obviously in line with Sunset's confident personality. In my opinion, it's a part of her personality that is lacking in this story. it's when they show static images of the humane5, Twilight, and Sunset. Here are too images for clarification.
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/1/17/Human_Sunset_artwork_EG2.png/revision/latest?cb=20141028110607
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/6/6e/Mane_7_artwork_in_the_credits_EG2.png/revision/latest?cb=20141024212554 )
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Sorry, I was being cryptic there. i meant she was way too shy and too feel-y.
Revisiting this after quite a while. Just wanted to note a bit of a counter to some of the other comments in that I actually appreciated her being the target of the bullying in her young years, and think it's a believable cause/effect leading to her mindset and actions leading up to and in the first movie. People are complex. What some show as their surface personalities is only one thing - there can often be something wholly different going on inside, which I like the way you captured here.
And I'd suspect having this added to one or more groups would help it get the attention it deserves in terms of views.
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SkyCatcherEQ I wish you actually replied to my comment, so I could've seen it a week ago.
I didn't mean to give offense, but, simply speaking, I think this fanfiction presented an overly simplistic image of Sunset. Her sensitivity and shy-ness were skyrocketed to ridiculous levels. You called it an impressive use of Sunset Shimmer's character, because characters have different things going on inside than outside. I get that view point, but I think applying such a view point to this story allows for all sorts of quirky out-of-place characterization. One could write Fluttershy as a cynical hard logician in the inside and use that argument to argue for Fluttershy being in character. Not to mention, that argument completely hampers any sort of characterization critique.
While I admit a lot of my complaints come from personal preference, I don't think they were too incredibly off to mention. There were things this story completely negated, such as Sunset's comment in the EQG2 kitchen scene. The author's decision early on to make Sunset a shy little filly who just had a terrible life was sappy and simple. There's only three links in Sunset's characterization chains in each chapter and the explanation simply doesn't suffice. Turning a character who is a hard logician interested in leadership into this story's filly "Sunset Shimmer" causes an overly dramatic shift in the beginning and allows for an equally dramatic shift in the end. The Elements of Harmony zapped her, but really. That much crying? That much shyness? I walked out of this fic, feeling like Sunset's character was simplified downwards.
Sorry to restate many of my points. I did so, because I want you to respond, so we can have a conversation.
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I can respond more fully later (holiday and all). Not the first time I missed including the reply tags on a post here though.
I just wanted to let the author know that I did appreciate what I read here. While I can't point to any specific reason, I just subjectively enjoyed it. When I closed the cover on the book, so to speak, I left feeling good.
5418229
Ahh, I understand man. Sorry if I came off to harsh. I got the wrong interpretation from your comment. Respond when you can man.
By the way, happy holidays :D
Quite an interesting seting, not to mention that you did a great work in explaining why sunset shimmer is the way she is beeing so dismisive of friendship. Way to go with celestia, with her track récord of her sister becoming jealous and bitter in part for her neglect and her former student turned into a power hungry maniac you really have to wonder how twilight managed to survive her with just a minor case of OCD and paranoia out of it :/
is good
This is nice. I think the first chapter and a half were the most interesting (only because they covered events not directly shown) but I enjoyed all of it. Hopefully this will get some more attention eventually.
So I didn't really notice this the first time around (which I think should tell you just how much I enjoyed this when I read it), but as I was rereading this, I noticed that you really overuse ellipsis. I can understand a larger number than normal if you're using this as a character quirk, but even then, it's excessive.
But in spite of all that, I still really enjoyed the reread, and I really enjoyed the new chapter. Great stuff!
6733120 I noticed I tend to do that in everything, and yeah...it's a problem. I think the worst part is how much I still have after I tried to edit it out...
Nice story. I especially liked the second chapter.
The overuse of ellipsis and quotation marks really disturbs the flow of reading, though.
Hey, this happens to be one of my favorite works. Do you have plans to add a chapter for Legend of Everfree?
7611029
(Deep breath...)
Probably not because while I'm one of the few who actually liked "Friendship Games" a bit better than "Rainbow Rocks", to me "Legend of Everfree" was the worst entry thus far. I didn't find it bad...just completely "average". It had the feel of a pilot episode to a new series, and yet the plot of a "regular episode" of the same series. Sunset Shimmer doesn't even really do any growth in that movie, and her own new unique power is fairly worthless in a crisis situation.
7611110 Okay, I can understand that. Sunset's growth was the best part of the story, and you're right that she didn't do much of that in Legend of Everfree.
For what's it's worth, all three of the sequel movies are about tied for me. I've always liked the ending of FG better the one in RR, but I liked the pacing of RR better.
7611110 Actually, what if you made a new story in a similar style that stars Gloriosa? It would be a little like your second chapter, which was a lot of fun.
7611956 That might be something. I was actually pondering today what the world looked like from corrupted Gloriosa Daisy's perspective to lead her to get the twisted idea that merging the camp, herself, and all the campers into one huge tree was somehow "what was best for everyone".
7611993
The same thing that made Demon Sunset think taking a bunch of zombified human teenagers through the mirror portal and expecting them to be able to walk around on four legs as easily as they do two.
Magic power overload.
In many of the fanfics I have read on here (And I like to think it’s canon as well), when Sunset put on the crown and transformed, she was suffering from magic overload. I doubt very seriously that she planned to use a human zombie army to attack Equestria or that she planned to try and kill Twilight. She was just magic tripping and not making rational decisions (much like a drunk who honestly decides to get behind the wheel of a car and drive).
I think Gloriosa was suffering the exact same thing. The power of all seven geodes were causing her to suffer magic overload and her decisions were not exactly rational ones.
At least, that’s my theory of the situation.
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As a matter of fact, I eventually took that concept to explore a first-person perspective of magical corruption in "I've Got This", if you're interested. It also features my take on Sunset Shimmer's personal theory on why magic corrupts in the human world.
More?
Nah its good
Unless?