Just a story about two background ponies eating cookies...or is it?
This differs from my usual fare. Basically, it's a short, comedic look at what happens when a couple of otherwise mute and indifferent background ponies decide to one day start pondering their own existence. It's more mature than my regular stuff...definitely for the older audience.
This story was originally a script for an on-stage dialogue between two actors with minimal props. (Namely, a table, two chairs, and a plate of cookies...with maybe one or two bits of costuming just to make the audience know from the start that they're representing background ponies.) But as this site doesn't accept scripts, I've translated it into prose.
The image of cookies used for the story is a public domain image.
Pro... That's some heavy stuff you got going there.... Just....WOO! I mean... Yeah...
This the most funniest thing I ever read. XD
Wait... Ending... Confused. Critters drink milk too.
Ha. Funny shit. Have a thumb.
Okay, two things.
First: This was F&$KING hilarious!
Secondly: I love how you came up with those names. 'Incarlsistency' for Celesita's sake...
I give you my mustache, good sir
Who are you, Mr... Complains of Names?
Also... It's Human food... just eat it.
2884591 I agree, what's with that. Also technically an egg is only really an unborn chicken if it got fertilised. True some of them do, but most don't.
Yes, other mammals do drink milk, but remember that they think of cows as being other sentient beings and yet they were drinking milk from one. It'd be like someone saying you want someone's breast milk from down the street.
That was some heavy stuff. I feel for Carl, but Sam is right. Sometimes you just have to go with it. I mean we eat honey. You don't want to know how honey is produced.
I do wonder where the ponies get gelatin though. That's made from pig.
Oh my god. That was damn impressive.
I'd LOVE to see this in a film or something. Well done, dude, well done.
~Skeeter The Lurker
1. This was hysterical I nearly died laughing
2. "Sam-Listens-To-Carls-Problems" Is the best name ever
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Ideally, I wouldn't mind it if this was put on as an on-stage dialogue performance, perhaps at a con. Not sure it's quite that good though.
2967177 Maybe the Sun blew up TWICE!?
Funny as hell! I couldn't stop laughing when I read it.
Honestly that was pretty funny!
Awesomely funny, man!
And clever, too!
So what's Sam's C.M.?
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It's in "Two Background Ponies At A Donut Shop", but I'll go ahead and tell you here. It's a human ear...so, actually, no one in Equestria knows what it's supposed to be.
I don't understand. What's with the vomitting?
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Alright...
Early in the story, they were discussing the ethics of eating animal byproducts. They focused on chickens and eggs, but it easily could have been pigs, cows, milk, etc. They also agreed that they think of cows as sentient beings, even equals. This was even supported in the first season when Applejack talks to the cows she just kept from stampeding.
So...when they're offered a glass of milk, it's like someone saying: "Hey, want some freshly-pumped breast-milk from that lady who lives down the street to go with your cookies?"
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I dunno, man.
For one, all mammals drink milk. I can understand why Carl brought up eggs as those are more suited to a carnivore's diet, but not so much with milk.
For two, even if cows are treated as equals in their society, I would imagine they they wouldn't mind sharing their milk with the rest of society and the rest of society wouldn't mind drinking it. This is even supported in the Boast Busters episode where Twilight milks cows. And it was hinted that one of those cows was the very same cow that Applejack talked to two episodes earlier, 'don'tcha know?'
The demand for the product (for all the pastries and such) would likely prevent that taboo from ever forming.
For three, how are you certain that cows are the only place they get their milk? Maybe they use goat milk, or something. Goats are apparently less intelligent in Equestria.
For four, Sam did not seem bothered by this fact initially and did not seem to change his stance on the subject. Him suddenly doing so at the end doesn't seem natural. But even in Carl's case, vomiting seems like a bit of an extreme reaction.
Just remember, you asked for this.
Okay, so, yeah. Ever wondered about all the little things thLP:FIM that just don't add up, well so does Carl. This story isn't going for Laugh Out Loud comedy, but rather satire and philosophical comedy. All in all, a good read. Excellent writing and ideas.
Favorite Line:
Rating:
/5
Final Verdict: Big Sister is watching...
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Hey, if it's not laugh-out-loud but still gets me five out of five 'staches, I'll take it.
This is brilliantly written :)
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and horse hooves ....
They brought up some good points.
yes, yes he was, wouldve been with the tonic too if granny hadnt beaten him to the punch.
*next time carl starts thinking too philisophically*
:42 silly!!!
carl: whats the answer to life.
*pinkie pie comes out of nowhere*
*carl and sam both facehoof*
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If you enjoyed this, by all means feel free to check out the two sequels, the ongoing "quickie" series I have on my blog (which now covers a quickie for every episode of Seasons 4-6), and the stand-alone adventure.
Yes, I can see it as a play. Maybe something minimalist.
Nice story, FoME did goo by promoting them.
Zecora and lingering micro aggressions between tribes would disagree
I doubt there are none of these, but probably a lot less than America and even most social democracies.
I highly doubt that. I think a better substitute would have been almost no unemployment, since technology has replaced far fewer jobs than in our world, and everybody knows their special purpose.
Rainbow Dash and other show this one to be patently untrue.
Nitpicking aside, I really enjoyed this, especially when it veered into dark absurdist humor. I fully expected Carl to realize he was an imaginary creation part of an idyllic children's show at the end.
According to Wikipedia, Equestria is a "federal parliamentary constitutional monarchy under a meritocracy-tetrarchy".
I'm not joking: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equestria
An oddball ghost happened across your fic and read it. Have a review!