Whose Line: MLP

by Harbinger Of Mist

Memorial Day Special Part 5: World's Worst +

Welcome to the finale of our Memorial Day special! Our winner today: Tweak! Tweak is our winner!

Who else could it have been if you knew better? *Smiles and places ice-pack up to face*

Yeah, I'm stumped why we're not having you do anything and just calling the last few shots from the desk. But the rest of us here are going to play a game called "World's Worst". Whereupon we stand on the "World's Worst" step, and come up with as many examples of the world's worst what, Tweak?

*Opens card* You are displaying examples of the world's worst, tread carefully now, "drill sergeant".

*Devious chuckles from performers*

Okay, so the world's worst drill sergeant, let's begin.

---

This squadron doesn't need discipline! It needs a makeover! *Bzt!*

Come on now! Over the wall! Good boy! Good boy! *Pats imaginary heads* *Bzt!*

... He said "sergeant". I got nothing.

*Sighs and turns to audience, claps twice* Pen!

*Audience member throws pen to Tweak, who catches it perfectly with one hoof*

*Writes on card* "slash... in-struc-tor..." Happy?

*Grins*

Fantastic performance! How's-about you hit the messhall early? *Bzt!*

*Angles head down and yells at crotch* You better stand up straight before I give you a dishonourable discharge!

*Audience laughs and groans*

What?! He yelled at his privates like he was supposed to!

*Walks over to Drew and yells at his crotch* You are a disgusting fat-body!

*Laughs hard enough to accidentally hit buzzer multiple times* Oh, references...

Alright... Which one of you sap-suckers yanked all the hair off my Bratz doll?! *Bzt!*

*Wobbles up and speaks in a very raspy voice* Okay, Squad! Now we're-- *Snores* *Bzt!*

Look at all you sorry flanks! We need to work off those extra pounds! *Does jumping jacks* Now 1, and 2! And 1, and-- *Bzt!*

Tell me, private! What's love got to do with it?! *Bzt!*

...And to teach you how to shoot your new rifles, I leave you in the capable hooves of my daughter! *Bends down* Who's gonna be a good instructor? You are! Cootchie cootchie coo! *Bzt!*

A good way to check for jams is to look straight up the barrel. *Demonstrates* *Bzt!* A good tap is never out of order either. *Bzt Bzt!!*

One of you took my hat. And until I find out who, I'll have to settle with this trilby. *Bzt!*

Good job out there, Private! *Grabs and pulls down to smooch loudly* *Bzt!*

Oh, you boys don't need to call me Sergeant Simmons, it's so formal! Just call me Richard! *Bzt!*

*Angrily acts like a mime* *Bzt!*

*Slips on hoof-puppet and thrusts it forwards* Drop and give me twenty!

Right shoulder! *Bends down to grab onto "weapon" and flings it over right shoulder*

*Bzt! Bzt! Bzzzzzzttttt!!!

---

Alright! *Chuckles* Nice job, everyone!

What a note to end on...

Now before we close off this special--

We will play one more game.

What? No, I don't have any more plans for this special.

Well, I do! So long as I sit in this chair, I hold all the power in the studio. Ah-- And with this power, I say... it is time... for a Hoedown!!

*Audience cheers wildly*

Tweak, you're fired.

We really don't have time for--

Hoedown! Hoedown!

*Audience joins in on chanting*

Shut up, cutouts!

Alright, alright!

We all know what this hoedown is about. So... *Props back hooves up on desk* Take it away, Wing Maid!

---

*Music begins*

Well I'd like to be soldier - but I am not a horse
To them, I'm not up to snuff - and I can't run their course
But there is one certain field - where I think I'd do fine
You're a lot more accurate with a rifle - when you have hands like mine

Well, our commander - he is a marine
And he is rather special - I'll tell you what I mean
Sure you can ask anyone - but I will instead
Muscles Are Required... - Intelligence Not Expected

*Audience woos*
*Laughs hysterically and extends hoof* Nice!!
*Gives "high-hoof" and returns to spot*

...
They said I'm too sophisticated - to join the army
And I thought it'd be lonely - to be out at sea
Those two think it's funny - that I'm a marine
But I'd like to see how funny they are - when they scrub the FOB's latrines

*Audience woos even harder*

And with their tongues, too.

*Sigh*
Well I love my job - it ain't all that bad
With the jarring age difference - I feel like their dad
Sure, being at the FOB - can be quite a hoot
But sometimes I feel like ejecting myself - without a parachute

Without a par-a-chuuuuuuuuuute

*Claps* Very nice!

Okay, now get out of my chair.

*Visiting cast returns to their seats*

Now to close off this special properly, I feel it's only right to give the soldiers of then our respect. Everyone bow your heads for a brief moment of silence.

...

(20 seconds later)

Bless them now and forever. And now... to give these guys their sendoff. everyone stand and salute!

Thank you for coming in once again to offer your talents and unique charm. We look forward to seeing you again when the time comes.

I would like this to be a regular thing.

I really want to play Scenes From A Hat, so I agree.

Well, we'll just have to wait and see. That is all we have for our special, thank you and good night!

Author's Note:

I stayed up until 5:30am every night for the last week to make sure this came out perfectly and punctually.

Be sure to check them out. And with this all taken care of, I can finally rest easy and go back to work on [my current project].

*Shamelessly points at link to cross-promote*

Comments

[AngryPenguin]

Gotta love the World's Worst!
Can't wait to see more!

[Harbinger Of Mist]

6018143 You remind me of Europa. Oh god... Am I gonna have to deal with two of you?

[AngryPenguin]

6019949
I'm simply smothering you with positive feedback. Looks to me like you have at least two fans.

[The Fiery Joker]

Thanks dude. This was great for a laugh.

[Harbinger Of Mist]

6024475 glad you enjoyed it.

[Europa]

The sock puppet sergent killed me. Can you imagine that actually happening?

SURPRISE HOEDOWN IS CREDIT TO STORY!

And lovely moment of silence at the end.

[Harbinger Of Mist]

6206483 Glad to have you back. Have you met a certain penguin in the comments?