Spike has loved Rarity for years now, but not once has he ever admitted it to her. Every chance he's had he's just quit from fear. Now though, as Rarity prepares to leave for Manehattan, never to return again, Spike has no choice but to tell her. This is his last chance. The last chance he will ever get.
But here's the question. Even if he tells her, will that change anything?
Kinda based off a true story.
Cover pic is My Little Spikey Wikey by Skyline19. Definitely check his other stuff out!
Chapters (1)
Please place this tale in "Sparity" group.
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/306/sparity
It's so sad that it's just heart breaking to read. I just....don't know what to say, but just that.
I was hooked by this stage. Proper heart-wrencher here, masterfully written too. Admirable work; tragedy is a hard tag to work with and you've managed and then some.
I cried several times XD amazing job!
Is it bad that I laughed at Spike's desperation?
It's sad but cute.
What the hell dude, that was just fucked up, especially since it's both their fault and not just Spikes!
Edit: Oh geeze I dunno what to do, it was a good story, I just hated Rarity in this... maybe I'll just dislike and favourite if that makes any sense.
Signed,
--Pyro The Ragein' Reader
I know how you feel Spike
4968749
Well like the description says this is based on a true story aka this happened to me. So since I wanted the ending to be like what happened I had to make Spike feel like it was all his fault, if that makes sense?
4968820 Oh! I see, that makes sense... it's not supposed to be a fair story! I think I might be too worried about fairness sometimes... and too quick to skip descriptions.
I give it a like in that case!
that was horrible
4969734
Why? Rarity out of character? Bad writing? Grammar sucked?
I have so been in that boat before. No one is better at mucking things up for me than I am, it seems
I call bullshit.
Looks like this is throwing Sparity fans' hopes into...
*sunglasses*
...dispairity.
*SOBBING YEEAH!*
Sad to hear this happened to you, too! I wish you as much happiness as you can muster.
I know you wrote the artist in the description, but can you please add the website for the artist into the "source" box when you edit your story? Because when people click on the "source" when they scroll over the picture, it only links them back to here, because you just wrote "google.com" under "source".
Now, as for your other Spike and Rarity story, I liked it. I'll give this one a chance, too.
And this is why we should all be thankful for the glorious utility that is the internet.
I didn't dislike this story, but I didn't like it very much either. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for Sparity, but I found it to be overdramatic at some parts. However impeccable the grammar was, it just wasn't very good plot-wise. Maybe if you had built it up with times that Spike had tried to work up the courage to tell Rarity that he loved her, I would have been more able to relate to him as the main character.
I'll give this a 7/10.
4975416
Hmmm.... points taken. I guess it just didn't come to me to expand on the back story and his attempts.
Genuinely thanks for the criticism.
4975591 Hey, you're welcome. My writing needs a bit of fixing after it's published too, and I try to jump at a chance to help people with theirs.
P.S.: Hey, you're that author that wrote "I Will Always Wait For You", and "The One Pony You Never Prank"! I'm such a big fan of those pieces!
(This happens a lot, if you were wondering... I'll befriend someone or review or comment on one of their stories and then I'll look again and they've written something I really loved. It's rather peculiar.)
4975924
It's no biggie. You actually gave a reason instead of just being butt hurt over the story's ending or something (at least in your second post).
And thanks! I can't make you like every story of mine but I can try lol.
I was going to complain how it really didn't make sense that he couldn't go with her but then I remembered that this was based on a thing that actually happened so I'll just say good story and it sucks that this happened to you.
I read this in public and still couldn't keep from crying. This is hauntingly similar to one of my first romantic experiences and I felt really strongly about this the whole time.
Now if only I can casually rearrange my face before anyone notices me. >_<
Zabu: Poor Spike. I know the pain of watching the woman you love walk away.
4972913
Done!
Also, feels like the only comments I get from you are you criticizing my lack of linking of pics haha.
4984715 Ha, yeah. I just really enjoy Brony art so it bugs me when I can't easily find the artist
4985865
Fair enough lol. So did you enjoy this story as much as my last Sparity one?
4986145 Well, I'm unsure. The writing wasn't exactly spectacular, but there's nothing really wrong with it, either. I think the only thing I can really say is that a short story like this would probably be better written in first-person from Spike's viewpoint (with him as the narrator). I know I would enjoy it more and feel more emotion that way.
4986694
FUCK U FUCK U FUCK U FUCK U FUCK U
Just kidding lol. I do agree that this would be better I'm first person I'm just terrible at first person (with exceptions). The current story I'm writing is similar to this one and also in 3rd person. Next time I wrote something like this I'll def do it in first.
my face expressions throughout this story:
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Spike's Last Chance
Grammar score out of 10 (1 is grammar that needs to be worked upon as basic principles such as capitalization and spelling is an issue, and 10 is impeccable): 7
Pros (list three pros)
- You have a clear and nicely set-up structure with a solid conflict tension that's built up really well.
- The characters are consequent and match the show canon.
- Empathy for Spike is evoked.
Cons (list three cons)
- Your sentences are sometimes too long and a bit confusing; reading out loud to yourself for the last step of editing should help you take care of that.
- There isn't any character development; in fact, nothing changes between the beginning and the end of the story. Because of this, the whole story feels a bit pointless.
- Rarity leaving takes long. It's okay that you drag the scene out to hold the tension, but I think it's overdone - I'd expect her to be gone three times already.
Notes Section (how you can improve your fic, at the very least an elaboration of Pros and Cons section)
Like I said, nearly everything about how it's set-up and executed is flawless, but it lacks a sense of progression. Nothing changes between the beginning to the end. Spike does overcome his conflict, but only to be told "well now it's too late" - and that in itself is a consequent and good resolution, but not a very satisfying one in context of the whole story. If I'd gotten the idea that Spike developed in some way through this, even if he's sad and they'll never meet again or anything - then I'd liked this way better. It's still a fine story though, and at least to me reading was emotionally involving.
On a side note, something I noticed about the language is that you don't use past perfect where you should. You might want to google up on this.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story/ this story: Rainbows and Mirrors
Isn’t her mane color gray?
I mean, you won’t know until you try.
Damn, hopefully spike finds love.
I'm sorry Spike. I know you loved that girl. But don't feel down. There's plenty of others out there that are begging to be with you. Don't give up now!