Spike loves Rarity; everypony knows that. But why? Is it just because he finds her the most beautiful pony he's ever seen? Is it her mane? Or is it something deeper, beyond just her looks? This question haunts Rarity, and after a certain incident strikes she's determined to find out the answer.
Got the idea for this after watching the scene from The Cutie Pox where Twilight's mane turns to Rarity's. Cover art is The Kiss by Jack-a-Lynn. You should definitely check his other work out!
Chapters (1)
Now, this is what I feel was missing from most shipping fics. Hardly anybody ever asks "Why?"
Aside from some small logical errors, nothing about this is really bad. In all honesty, I never expected a whole story could be made out of that one, as Twilight accurately put it, gag.
My hat's off to you, good sir/madam, for proving me wrong.
Very good job, dear sir
Very nice. Short and Sweet.
This is a really good story. I'm glad you wrote it.
good job, but the ending seemed a bit rushed...
Story could have been longer.
I like this story.
What? It was a good story but the end just leave me like is that it? No offence this a great work you have have here but the end...
you should work on a sequel to this but other than that nice work.
Not bad, and I applaud your effort to try answering what is definitely a difficult question. But the story was a bit short with an abrupt ending.
I always thought that it was because the female dragon of Spike's species has head spines that look a lot like Rarity's mane...
I always figured that part of Spike's attraction to Rarity was that she is an example he aspire to. Much like him, her worst vice is Greed, something that she consistently struggles against and overcomes enough to become the Element of Generosity.
He was shocked because Rarity changed. I'd be asking what the get up was about.
Really cute. I liked it.
--Spade
Uh, yeah. This was definitely rushed. I mean, I'm playing this whole thing out in my mind, and... it just doesn't add up for me. I mean, it's not like Spike to be dishonest about something like this, and he wouldn't try to hurt Rarity's feelings, but he wouldn't lie to her, also, if he really loves her like in the show, he'd show her in other ways that it's not just about the looks.....
4824197 I know what you mean. I mean everyone else lies about Rarity's mane in Show Stoppers, but Spike does the right thing any good friends should and tells her the truth, "It's green." That rather blunt comment, unlike all the lies, actually tells her so she can fix it instead of letting her walk around with a green mane until she sees a mirror.
It was cute and hit all the points of Rarity's sorrow and Twilight's concern dead on, but it never really answers the title, the question the fic is based around: Why does Spike love Rarity? Without that the end feels rushed and incomplete, until that point you did pretty great through.
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Yeah, also, he didn't mean it in a bad way, if anything he probably liked her with green hair, judging from his tone... I think I read it in a fic somewhere how he cheered her up by stating that he liked her with green hair, because it looked good on her, or something....
I was kinda hoping for a bit more Spike in this story, having him be a bit more expressive towards Rarity, but for what it is, it's cute.
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About the ending though, i thought it didn't feel that rushed? (but then again i'm the guy that wrote it!). With Spike saying he finds her beautiful no matter what it thought it was good enough to imply that he likes her for her and not what she looks like.
You all feel I should redo the ending to make it longer?
4824583 No, no, I'm just saying that it felt too abrupt, and dissatisfying. How does Rarity respond? It honestly feels like a cliffhanger, when it should feel like a closing.
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Well, longer might work, or it might not. It just feels... Out Of Character, for a lot of characters....
4824610 I agree. I felt the ending could have been extended to include Rarity's reaction atleast if not more.
Yes! A looks don't matter story!
Pretty good
I wanted to see a bit more trepidation from Rarity before Spike arrived, and a bit more of her reaction afterwards. That said, nice work.
I thought this song fits.
Spike eyed Rarity closely "Ah Rarity?? you ain't trying to impress Snips dad are you?"
Spikey reach his claws around her neck & whispered "You silly mare after the Gala & Trenderhoof stuff, Watsup?"
This is really good. The writing is well done and the story was paced just right until the end. I know that you've received many, many comments saying that the end wasn't the best for pacing and cliffing purposes. Honestly, I can understand this sort of situation. But, if need be, next project, don't be afraid to spend a little more time on it. If it feels rushed, then add another problem. Sort of brainstorm other conflicts to narrow them down to get the best results.
I'm a big Sparity fan, to be honest. So my critique should be taken with a grain of salt.
Aw, it cuts off right at the good part :|
It's a nice start. Just...feels like a build-up to fall off with no conflict.
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Seems you're late to the party
"Rarity, you're always beautiful to me...but ya might wanna reevaluate this new style before you go out in public."
After some soul-searching, I finally found the actual source to this cute picture.
http://www.deviantart.com/art/The-kiss-273816717
By: Jack-A-Lynn.
Please add it to the source so that other people can find the image and proper credit can be given, as that is an adorable-looking Spike
4827034 One of my faves
I'll start out with the more technical stuff.
Nitpick, but I'm more used to seeing Spikey-Wikey with a hyphen — it makes more sense from a grammatical standpoint.
There should be a comma after "naturally".
These two should also be fused with a hyphen. You're probably missing a comma after "she knew it" as well.
That should definitely be at.
Again, hyphen.
You've likely missed a "was" there.
Also, it should be any day.
That should definitely read with.
Aside from all this, you seem to be all too eager to use semicolons and ellipses, which isn't good. Almost all of the time sentences could be merged with a simple comma, or separated with a full stop without changing the meaning.
There are also several awkward word choices here, for example:
It's pretty obvious that if Rarity opened a drawer and immediately grabbed a photo album, she took it out of the drawer; there's no need to restate that.
Anyway, on to the more general things.
The fic's pretty short; too short I think. There are two things lacking here: the ending and, eh, the beginning. There really isn't much of the former here — you didn't answer why Spike loves Rarity, all you did is show us that it's not for her looks. But there's no actual why, no aspects of her personality that he admires. We're left with only a part of the closure.
Now, "the beginning" is not so much the first few paragraphs, but rather what allows the story to actually happen — that is, Rarity has feelings for Spike. In most of my encounters with that, Rarity does feel something for Spike, but those feelings haven't yet taken form — she's either unaware of them, or is in denial. Here, Rarity just outright admits she loves Spike (not likes, but loves); and that's a pretty big statement to make. I can't buy it, because there's nothing here previously that established that she does, and it just comes out of left field. Having some sort of scene of Rarity thinking about Spike a day prior or something would be helpful, I think.
Aside from that, the story's alright, although I thought Twilight's lines were somewhat dry.
All in all, this one isn't bad, but there's nothing really good here.
Better ending, not doubt
I like this ending much better.
--Spade
Love it! Very cute story!
this was awesome one of my favorite fan fics it's just so heart warming u can't help but love this
I loved it IT'S JUST SO GOOD
Aww great story!
PORKY! You done good champ villain of the Mother Series. You done good
Looks aren’t everything. Also, spike must have a strong stomach.
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What do you mean by strong stomach?
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Because, I would have probably thrown up.