- Member Since 26th Jan, 2014
- offline last seen Last Monday
Ron Jeremy Pony
What to say about me... I'm a novelist, I enjoy writing Fanfiction (seriously I like it. Although I mainly do Justice League or Highschool of the Dead), and thanks to Dr. Whooves I found FIM.
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Lol the first thing that came to mind was an anthro big mac?
Alright author. believable <.<
Typo in the first sentence. "Shutter" should be "shudder" instead.
Also, "Finally giving in she reached out and touched the anthropomorphic stallion and everything around me changed from the email page to a multicolored psychedelic rainbow." You switch perspectives for a single pronoun mid-sentence. Should be "everything around her changed".
Your story title needs punctuation; I suggest a colon.
"Plowed Fields: A Big Mac Romance"
4886798
Thanks for the suggestion.
4886422
Thanks for catching those for me.
This is really quite nice so far. I don't quite think I'm invested enough to see this through, but I quite like how you write.
Getting the picture off Google Image Search is no excuse not to give a source. In fact it took me all of a couple minutes to track it down from a reverse image search.
[Source]
4886971
Thanks, and the source shall be added. Also ClemiKinkajou, if you are reading this and want the image removed... let me know and I'll do it.
LF
Celestia
More please.
Hooray, Big Mac's gonna be able to see his family soon! Hopefully Granny Smith will become affordable before too long.
This all seems to be moving kinda fast... Not only is the actual romance with Mac skipped over essentially, but then we also get the world acting in favour of our protagonist. Feels like a dream, vague and inconsistent.
4902995
I'll be the first to admit that I've sped things up for this story. I'm going to be slowing it down, and yeah, there's a reason for the dream like/magical reason things seem to be happening. It's something that's going to be explained throughout the Vogonverse as it unfolds.
Ah, I knew I forgot something... Yeah, part of the reason for the the advancement in the story was to introduce Applejack, but I am going to be going back and showing the romance between Mac and Jessica as the story progresses.
That was real sweet of Big Mac to do.
Do you mean the bruiser tries to intimidate Big Mac?
4916253
Pretty much. He's going to try to intimidate Big Mac for a variety of reasons. I won't go into it much, but I will say that it's going to be interesting, and I serious doubt that his bosses are going to expect what happens to happen.
I thought Applejack and Applebloom were going to be in this chapter?
4916431
This story is leading up to it, but I actually said that i was starting the new story where they had already arrived. It's called An Apple in a Bushel of Peaches. So far there's just the first chapter, but that's because I usually update the parts of the Vogonverse I'm writing in this fashion: I see Pink, then Plowed Fields, then Staring into the Sun, and finally An Apple in a Bushel of Peaches. There are a couple of other authors that seem to want to be taking up the reigns, so to speak, for some of the characters, so we should see some more happening before long.
But, alas... It's going to be a few chapters before we get into Applejack and Apple Bloom getting there. When they do this story will still continue, and it will have happenings between the family that will be mentioned in Applejack's story just like there will be happenings in it that will be mentioned in this story.
Anyway... Thanks for reading
Vinyl Scratch
I hope mac kicks his ass.
Which story comes first? I imagine Tia would need the longest buildup to do right, so my vote is for Vinyl.
4921516
Actually, the first story in the series is I See Pink. That's followed by this story, then Staring into the Sun, and finally An Apple in a Bushel of Peaches.
And I'm planning on doing the Vinyl Scratch story before too long.
That was sweet with Mac and Jessica. Go Mac, beat that guy into the dirt!
An extra i there.
"if"
"heard it, he appeared."
Should this be capitalized?
"interested,"
"wrapped his arm"
"the top of"
This seems a bit repetitive.
Comma after "besides".
Should be "3-in-1" for all 3 instances.
Commas before and after "at the moment".
This should be "self" or " body", intended space.
"to do it"
"it, they did"
Comma after "done".
Comma after "all".
Comma after "finished".
Comma after "day".
"they"
space between "inbetween".
Take out "little", or "about"
Comma after "help".
Commas before and after "like Mac".
Comma after "minutes".
What do you mean with this statement?
Comma after "Jessica".
Comma after "Frank".
This was all I could find in this chapter.
Question, do you need an editor?
5012920
I could use one. I go over my stories, but there is usually mistakes that I didn't catch. Typically it's when I'm reading the story I'll put the missing words in the places were they're needed, and I just miss it on the run through.
Honestly, the fact that you handwaved the entire romance and the fateful night is kind of boring and bland. You are pretty much just expositing what happened in less than a paragraph and I can't find in myself to keep reading a story that glosses about the most important part of it's drama. I can't but downvote this story, for it really dissapointed me in it's execution, which was from the beginning badly put, full of plot holes, paced poorly and had the depth of a beige novela.
2/10
When is the next chapter going to be uploaded?