Soundless Symphony

Exilo

Exilo #1 · Aug 19th, 2014 · · ·

A sweet, short fic. A pity this fic is so short. There is much more that could be written.

Grammar is good, and the pacing is fast, but sufficent.

But it's short, and that is a core problem. Even though I don't like the "conventional" relationship of Vinyl and Octavia: that they absolutely adore each other and Octavia (more so) is willing to overlook Vinyl's cruelties... Octavia isn't mad enough. Not at all.

I like some of what you do. Her constantly telling the reader (and herself) that she's not mad at Vinyl and what Vinyl did. I do like that specific denial, where a character makes a point of saying something again and again, and eventually you're not sure who they are talking to. I do that all the time. Sometimes it gets, "OK, we get it!" but you have the right amount of the reinforcing.

But the amount of Octavia being angry isn't enough. And I feel she really should break down a little firmer. The pacing is good! And it seems like you are building up to her eventually really, REALLY getting mad and a paragraph or two of her just furious and hateful, followed by an ellipsis (implying her calming down) and then her going into talking about how, through all, she still dearly loves Vinyl. I even feel like if this has a sequel, Vinyl performs the same spell on herself. If you did a sequel chapter, and Vinyl narrates it, explaining her view, and it eventually being revealed that she is going to commit the same spell on her, with the last lines being "I can't hear a thing."

Uhm... where was I? Oh yes! Good fic, just not great. And I don't say that to be mean. The vast majority of fics on this site... are f***ing s***. I thumbed this up, and I hope many people more will.

But this fic isn't quite great. And more negative emotion from Octavia, and more true rage from her, would make her a more three dimensional character. You dance on the edge of greatness, but it feels like a paragraph or two, or even a page more of her really breaking down and becoming angrier and angrier would have made this truely great.

Either way, I'll guess this will pop into the Feature Box. So... you should be proud of that.

Post Script

Post Script #2 · Aug 19th, 2014 · · ·

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4876294
I wrote this worried that the pacing was slightly too fast (as if the case with basically everything I write), so it's a huge relief to know that wasn't the case this time.
As for her being upset, she definitely wasn't as angry as I'd be in that scenario, but I wanted her to have cried her tears over the event months ago, which is why she's almost half-resigned to it by the point the story takes place, but again this is a good point.
I'm glad you enjoyed this, and I'm seriously tempted by that sequel suggestion as well, I may well do a followup in that vein.
This is the sort of in depth comment I enjoy the most, thank you so much!

Integral Archer

Integral Archer #3 · Aug 20th, 2014 · · ·

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Aww, cheer up, Tavi! You know that out of the two greatest composers of the romantic era, one was deaf and the other gay. Now you have both going for you!

MistyShineStar

MistyShineStar #4 · Aug 20th, 2014 · · ·

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Oh my God.
The feels.
I remember my cousin going deaf after permanently damaging her ear drum. We were the best of friends, and we could only communicate through writing for a while until she learned to read lips.
I remember a poem she wrote for class about being deaf. I don't quite remember it, as we were only eleven and thirteen at the time when she wrote it. But I DO remember it was gorgeous, and she got an A+ on it.
Now she can have a conversation pretty normally, but she sometimes has to ask someone to repeat themselves, but a bit more exaggerated.

-Brutus

-Brutus #5 · Aug 20th, 2014 · · ·

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I've been deaf since birth so this would be bit interesting perspective where someone becomes deaf through some sort of event when they've been hearing for most of their life. Instant favorite for my reading leisure soon!

Eric Draven

Eric Draven #6 · Aug 20th, 2014 · · ·

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Utterly heartrending.

-Brutus

-Brutus #7 · Aug 23rd, 2014 · · ·

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I hope that the spell will wear at some point, I may not understand the impact of losing something important like your hearing (I have experienced death but that's different) quite suddenly but I do admire her will to keep going.

Good job on this super short fanfic :).

Shining Dawn

Shining Dawn #8 · Sep 4th, 2014 · · ·

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You, sir, can pull the heartstrings. And i think mine just snapped.

libertydude

libertydude #9 · Sep 28th, 2014 · 1 · ·

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"Never stop saying I love you." This was amazing short-read; it made me feel a lot more for a Vinyl-Octavia relationship than any 10,000 word fanfictions. Liked and Favorited.

Agent Fluffy