kitekite
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I'm prepared for the thumbs down but I'm not prepared for the thumbs down…
5895571
GREAT read!
5895679
Thanks!
A bet creepy for my taste but not a bad story at heart.
But the story ends her for me.
Oh, I didn't give you a down vote
The writing was good but I just don't like the story that much.
Thanks for writing it though
5895571 aww I understand I have the same problem *hugs*
Great, I'd like to see more
It is well written, so don't worry too much about the dislikes.
They are most likely from people browsing by, not bothering to read the thing before disliking it because of the tags used.
It has a dark feel, and a very good atmosphere for what you are trying to accomplish. I will be watching this closely.
From The Blessed One: 9/10
BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY THE MOST HOLY INQUISITION, I DECLARE THIS STORY HERETICAL AND ORDER EXTERMINATUS UPON THE PLANET. MAY IMPERIAL JUSTICE ACCOUNT IN ALL BALANCE. THE EMPEROR PROTECTS.
I am reserving judgment for now, horrible concept. Messing with the family jewels and all that. But we'll written. Needs some background though to tell exactly why this horror is happening.
This was okay. As with much fetish-y content, it doesn't deserve all the downvotes it gets, but it does deserve some of them. What you're trying to do is really interesting, I think. Exploring the emotions of a character in a situation brought about by a dark fetish isn't something that's attempted often, but when it's done well, it can be a fantastic experience for people who are into it and people who aren't, although for different reasons. However, you're held back by your mechanics. I only read to the point where the... activities began, and I'll not be reading more because, frankly, it's not my thing, but you suffered heavily from a lack of showing and a surplus of telling, along with a number of grammatical errors (get an editor with a fine-tooth comb).
The description has some issues.
This serves no one. It's better to include a gelding content warning at the bottom of the description and to do away with the begging altogether -- it's not going to help you.
The disclaimer, I feel, is unnecessary. No one in their right mind would assume one condones the content of a blatant fetish clopfic. Regardless, it should be at the bottom, where it doesn't interfere with the description proper. Make sure you separate the description from the disclaimers and content warnings and whatnot with a line break or something, so that it isn't a disorienting change in tone.
Finally, keep writing. You have a lot of potential to be a really great author. Don't let the downvotes discourage you from writing or from writing what you like.
If you stop writing, I'll throttle you.
5896122
You're a puritan.
5895919 Thanks for your comments. I understand.
5895944 Thanks! *hugs back*
5896007 I'm glad to hear it.
I might change how things go due to the response though, but I'd still wish to give a conclusion to the story.
5896018 Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. I hope I'd continue to up my standards and not to disappoint. I understand the topic is kind of… weird, I'm just not sure how bad it'd turn out.
5896078 I'm guilty for my sins…
5896122 I’m really sorry to hear you disliking the fiction… I understand the topic is controversial at the least, but I didn’t anticipate the rate of dissatisfaction it’s currently receiving. I sincerely hope you’d not be disgusted or dissuaded by this story from me as an author or my other works, but I understand your disgust towards this piece.
I must admit I screwed up the description by writing and planning it poorly. I didn’t really paid much attention to the description since the story started off as a more generic A to B story with a specific targeted audience. I went with the scenario I’ve set since in my mind it would allow the situation in the story to happen (clinical setting and political/social oppression?), but I’d assume the description is one of the biggest problems this story is having.
I went overboard with the tone of the description, which I didn’t meant to, and I’d attempt to fix that soon. Since the story paused midway (I haven’t finished the remaining), and that the description is not completely tied with the plot, I guess that is the reason you felt the discrepancy between the two. As for Rumble, well, I guess I did not felt choosing him as one of the character would be problematic, since we do geld actual horses when they’re kids, and we do geld and encourage gelding of a lot of animals. I believed I tried to add elements referencing this phenomenon in the story, but I think I forgot about it midway. I apologize for not managing the characters and the issue in a well manner.
I admit, castration is a definite taboo. There are many authors and artists before me who have tried and received bad reviews (although they did much better than me). I understand this from the get go, and honestly I intended this piece to be targeting or catering for specific audiences who enjoyed reading about this topic. There are a few audiences for this genre, and I just wished to add onto the small collection of gelding fictions out there. I really don’t want this to wash out my other current or future writings, but I’ve always wanted to try this genre.
I hope there’s still something to salvage from this pile of manure. Your remark impacted me greatly as, well, you’re the very first to let me know you’ve given me a downvote, and the very first to strongly criticize my writing. I hope this story is not the end of me to you, and I hope you’d fine my other and future works much more enjoyable.
Best,
Lutropin
5896552 Thanks. I'm sorry you didn't like it. I didn't really plan out the description as I oriented my story as more of an A to B genre fulfillment than something with a detailed scenario. I do plan to change the description though.
5896802 Thanks.
It was mostly a fetish story, and I understand the bad reception of these kind of things. Though I really appreciate your input in terms of the writing and story elements. 
I totally agree about exploring emotions of characters with great internal/social/cultural conflicts concerning taboos and morals. This has been something I’ve been working on and attempting in my other story Hundred and Sixty One (I’m not sure if I’ve succeeded in exploring the emotions in that story or not, but that’s a different topic). I was told I write very explicitly and factually. I don’t do symbols for instance, as it is easier to just describe the imagery as is. I’m starting to work on this, and I’m hoping to achieve resonance through atmospheres, symbols etc. rather than describing actions or over-relying on internal monologues.
I must admit I did not really do that in this story since it is more of a fetish/clop story than a work with deeper implications, but I see that it has the potential of being more than just A to B, and I should probably extend the depth of the story as well. It pains me to hear that I failed at the story mechanics, since it is still my greatest obstacle (and challenge), though this is not my greatest work nor the one I spent the most time on, I hope I’ll improve on this.
As for grammar, I apologize. I slacked off on that one.
I did not really paid much attention to the description as I underestimated its importance. I have also tried to be less obvious and played with a little bit of subtlety. I suppose I’ve done it poorly, and I’ll try to fix that. I thought begging would make the criticism come in less hard, but well…
Same with the disclaimer. I thought it’ll be of some use in terms of salvaging a little bit of morality for this story, or that someone might thought because I wrote the characters being gelded I’m being a terrible person. I’ll revamp the descriptions all together since I think I need to tone down the “sexist” thingy quite a bit.
I’m frankly a little scared about the outcome of this story. If people already think this chapter is bad, it could only go worse since I haven’t even started the operations… I must say I’m rather bumped about the story mechanics, since I really want to do good/improve on this. Even though this isn’t my best, it is how I mostly write. I’m not sure from what angle should I reapproach the stories to make it better.
I will continue writing, though being terrible at managing time I update at a pace insanely slow, I hope you won’t need to throttle me and try out some of my other story as well. And on that, I thank you for your input once again, and hope to hear more from you soon.
Best,
Lutropin
5896944 YOU HAVE FELHDED! D :< apilgoies nhow!
5897020 I'm sorry…
Nice!
5896987 I never said I didn't like it. It's very well written. Just the entire gelding scenario is a horrible concept. Those poor stallions. And we don't even know why it's happening to them, other than Nurse Redheart seems to be enjoying doing it to them.
i.imgur.com/TpDpOyl.gif
This is not normally my thing, but for some reason I can't really explain, I clicked this fic... and I,m glad I did. The build up of emotional dread in each of the characters is exquisite, and leave me all to eager with anticipation for the horrific climax.
A little too eager, maybe. If I had one complaint to make it's that not even a single one of them actually gets snipped here. Please get the next chapter out soon... pretty please.
5897078.but did enjoy the story!
Very good start
5897736
So what would happen to me?
5897212
5897882
Thanks!
5897430 Well I left much of the whys blank to be honest, but I do feel sorry for them… even though I'm the one who's writing their fate…
but I understand your feelings about it. 
5897609 Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it so far.
I snip the story right before the "real" thing would happen so… well it's still pretty shocking by itself, but I'm excited to finish the deed and can't wait to proceed with the snipping. 
5897600
I really like that pic. 
5900576 You will be allowed to live.......for now! >:D
5900774 yay!
5902118 Has le follower!
5902317 Yay! Thanks!
I don't see what all the hate is about. As someone who is into vore, I really want to bite somepony's cute little balls off and swallow them.
5981974 hehehe I see…
I’m fine with fetish fuel, but this story is getting a down vote from me for the following reasons:
1.It failed to flesh out the world.
We know that stallions are getting gelded, but not the ‘why,’ or the ramifications for the society doing so. “Because they want only the best stallions to be allowed to breed” isn’t a thorough enough explanation for why this is done. Is the population too large, and that’s why they’re doing this? Has Equestria been conquered by another nation recently and the new leaders are slowly wiping out Equestria’s population? Also, what does a society look like? What beliefs have they built up around the process of gelding that would make mothers willingly part with their sons?
The fact that we castrate dogs and horses in our own society is because they are property to us. Horses and dogs don’t make the rules, don’t vote, and they don’t get trials with a jury of their own peers if they commit a crime. If the vast citizenry of Equestria is basically a slave race, then this needs to be explored a little more.
2. The narration keeps retreading the same info again and again without adding anything new.
We get that Night Novel is scared as he waits. What hasn’t been covered is what he plans to do. He doesn’t consider escape plans. He doesn’t consider sneaking into an empty room, stealing some bandages and wrapping them around his balls and pretending he’s already had the procedure.
Even going with the idea that he’ll accept his fate and that all his screen time here will be simply sitting in a waiting room, he’d still be making plans to stop this kind of horror from happening again to those he cares about. Maybe he thinks “When I adopt a foal in the future, I’ll make sure I keep him away from the guards when he becomes my age.”
He’d be a much more sympathetic character if he attempted something heroic. He’d be a much more interesting character if he tried anything at all. All he does here, though, is wait and feel sorry for himself.
3. No fetish fuel. Where was the wank material?
I was actually curious to see how removing somebody’s testicles could be played up in a sexual way. Is the character in pain, and thus the pleasure is purely from the reader who enjoys seeing cruelty? Is the character made to feel strongly aroused by all this? I would have like to see the character discover a fetish he didn’t previously know he had.
5982088
I'm sorry to hear you don't like it…
I never really gave much thought about the story because I never felt it was the main focus of the story. But from many feedbacks I know readers are all expecting an explanation to why the world has come to do this crazy thing. I don't have much explanation as to why, but I'm thinking of something in the vein of weird dictatorship and social engineering, I suppose.
I never really like the idea of thinking pets and livestocks as properties, and the proposition to neuter our pets, for some reason, give me the shivers. I didn't think of the ponies as slave race, I just think of them as ponies, and that is the point I suppose.
In my mind, Night Novel was confused and too obedient for his own good and let the others do those things to him. I think there is something to be done to further show the sense of obedience of this character. I'm glad to hear your suggestion to make him defense himself, because I've never thought of making any of the characters to rebel against the nationwide movement of capturing these ponies. I suppose I'm too indulged in the descriptions that I dragged them out too long for enjoyment, and I wasn't inclined to create too much conflict and plot progression apart from the procedures, but I understand the concern about the characters and their development. And that he really should do something for himself.
I'm really sorry for doing this early-access, putting up half of the story thing… ugh… I… June 2015. There, I hope that'd force me to do something.
But I suppose the remaining part should show, or even satisfy, your curiosity on this. 
Anyhow, thanks for your comment. It let me know a lot of what readers are expecting and what I didn't expect.
5982850
I wouldn't worry about it too much. If you planed to expand this into a full length novel or multi-part series, then yeah, you'd probably need to delve more deeply into the world lore of HOW and WHY all of this is happening and what the long term consequences are. For just this one short story, however, none of that is really important.
Personally, I even think that NOT knowing makes things all the better in the immediate short run. It helps give the reader the same sense of confused powerlessness that the characters are themselves experiencing. So just keep doing what you're doing and focusing on the characters and there emotional reactions to circumstance that are outside their control.
5985586 Thanks.
that's what I was thinking thus I didn't really fleshed out the world. But as I point out once again, probably because I sliced the story in half for no apparent reason, something broke the story. Still, I hope the emotional reactions and descriptions could still stand on its own. That's what I'm currently most worried about.
5998308 I read this and I have a few...suggestions. These are just ideas that you can use to either improve this story or make another one. First off, you have a nice base to make a 300k word story if you really wanted. Secondly though, don't use slang like "geld" in your descriptions. Use what the word means, main reason I avoid stories at all is because of unknown words like that in the description, like watersports. I have no idea what that term means and can't find a definition, so I avoid those stories like the plague. You will get lower views if you directly state what the story has, but you will also get fewer dislikes as people will simply avoid this topic if it makes them disgusted. I saw this in a review though and decided to offer my two cents and help ya.
I noticed something interesting about the story during the waiting room scene. Where are the guards and why is it so...casual? I only ask because I figured this Equestria would be in the middle of practically a bloody civil war or a large scale rebellion. If a country approves something like this to be not only allowed but forced, I expect to see signs of civil unrest or a rebellion in the shadows, if not out front, fighting in the streets and what not. The waiting room should be heavily guarded, with guards being tense and waiting to see if the rebels would storm in or not, there should be propaganda somewhere either bad mouthing sad rebellion or asking for recruits in the military to fight the rebellion. You don't even have to directly mention a rebellion at all, just leave the signs of a country in civil unrest and let the readers interpret the signs. You can even have rebels breaking into the place they are at to late to stop the process or something. In short, you can turn this into something more than....clop.... you can make a pretty damn epic series off this if you do it right.
Another thing you can do, show the emotional trauma of living the life these stallions are forced to live after this process is done to them. Show the agony they endure, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Show mares rejecting them because of what the government did to them, but most important of all, show their rage and hatred over having something taken from them by force. This ties in with the rebellion thing I mentioned, but it is different because you can show that not everyone is on board with this. Instead of making Nurse Redheart out to be a sadistic bitch, you can show her having sympathy with the stallions. You also made it sound like they was conscious during this procedure too. If they are, you defiantly should go this route for a third chapter. Being awake and not numbed for...this... would be beyond traumatic for the individual involved. Use that and show it if you wish. You can also show how bad life is in a harem or being a sex slave, something I believe you mentioned. Show that when forced into a position like that that not all stallions are on board. Hell, I don't think any guy would be.
Just a few ideas to help you out with the story, not gonna bother with grammar or anything and only gonna focus on the premise, because that premise can make this a much larger story than what it is. I personally feel you can't treat this with an air of "This is happening and everyone accepts it". This topic is much to dark for that.
6018700 I never thought about it.
I was more inclined of making both genders liking the procedure during the scene, but I think I might incorporate it with at least one of the characters.
<3
I honestly thought this might never be updated. While castration and gelding isn't my fetish, you write it in such a way that... it's not appealing, but it's a trainwreck you can't look away from. I can see the love the author has for the disturbing situation, making every part of the horror and consequences thought and fantasized about. A truly deviant work thus far.
6182026
Thanks! I'm glad you find the story interesting.
I certainly planned to complete it, but for that I do not know when, it's a work in progress. 
great story so far. I was amazed by the amount of detail and emotion you manage to convey in you writhing. As spine tingling as this horror unfurls I just can't wait to see what happens next. I have read the last few post, and I like the Idea of expanding on the wold building of this destopienne story. I would especially would love to see why all this append and what happened to the gelding after the treatment.
If memory serves a child how is castrated, like the castratos never stop growing and keep all their baby fat; making them look like huge baby freaks. Is this the faith you are reserving for Rumble?
i dont know y but this soo my fetish the only thing to make it better is if the mare dirty talked and teased the stallion oh gods gotta go take of this im so hard
I am suprised there haven't been suicides reported when they started this or Stallions running for a border to escape. Or even attempts to kill Celestia.