Sorry but I'm taking a hiatus from writing for a while, I deal with personal complications. Story's will be updated periodically and I'll try to get back to a ordinary scheduled soon.
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Nurse Redheart had a stressful job, mostly due to her self isolation from most of the staff. She's one of the best surgeons in equestria, but will she be able to fix the heart of a injured changeling filly. She soon finds the some wounds can't be seen, but must be felt... Kinda like internal bleeding.
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I am in love with the idea, but some flaws.
Filly is the term for a female foal, which is a young equine.
Wrapping turned into raping *shudders* and several other typos.
5466492 I'm sorry I'll fix them as soon as possible, thank you for the help
54546649 also I'm so sorry about the typo *_* holy craps that makes this a completely other type of story I'm so sorry
LOTS of promise.
...is this set in some sort of AU where ponies know not ALL changelings are evil?
because really..if you saw a baby....umm...whatever your worse fear is, in your home, whatever it is having a history of attacking people, infant or not, you wouldnt stand that close to it....
(and if this doesnt make any sense, its 8:48pm at the time of typing this. and i was up since 4am....plus i'm slightly wounded myself... it turns out that even if they don't do it maliciously, dog bites (especially from big dogs) still hurt)
54667546 insted of a AU I was aiming for a few months after the invasion, as if it was the backburner topic on the news witch everyone kinda dosnt care about any more due to there annihilation in caterlot. Its like talking about Nazis, sure everyone hates them but it's not like anyone's paroinod about them comeing back. But in that sense there would be hunters and there would be stigma. And patriot extreamist that kinda stuff. I don't know, btw I'm almost done with the next chappter
Interesting concept so far; not nearly enough Redheart focused stories in my opinion.
The story is great but you do seem to need an editor. It was mosty minor errors; I've seen you use witch instead of which in a few places, comment replies included, and near the end Redheart uses the "changeling station" instead of changing station.
If you don't mind, I would be more than happy to try and give it a thorough once over but it might have to wait till Friday or Saturday.
Also: Window "sill" not seal, in re the pie.
I like it, could use a proofreader and Ithe ending confused me, but I liked it.
love it.
I was a little surprised that Olive could talk though.
Can't wait for the next chapter. First! that doesn't mean anything does it.
Nurse Redheart as Repoman?
for lose a patient, you mean dead or actually lost?
Seems the nurse has a bit of a background...this interests me.
Olive is just adorable!
Interesting. So if Redheart is no longer dating the guard (seeing as she speaks about it in the past tense) why does she still have the helmet? Is she normally in the habit of keeping mementos from her past relationships?
You seem to have trouble with words containing by
Goodbye buy and by
other than that It's ok. I like it a lot.
well you definitely set something up here.
You mean "baby (foal) care" section.
...twilight should of hit her harder....it would make her feel more regret...
few misspelling like "The room was so quite Redheart could hear"
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Can't wait for the next chapter!
The writing isn't the best, and the pacing is a bit choppy, but despite that, the story seems good so far.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
I have read up to the end of the second chapter, and... well, I have some concerns.
I would suggest that you proof-read your stories, even if you simply get a proofreader from the help section on this site, as there are numerous errors that I can see/count. Also, different speakers need to be put into different paragraphs.
For example:
See, now who has said that second line? Princess Celestia? Twilight? Spike? To remove any potential confusion, it should be written as:
This serves to both break up the story from potential 'wall-o-text' issues, and make it clearer as to who is talking and when.
With this issue alone, the story becomes, to me at least, almost unreadable. It makes it confusing and awkward to figure out when who is talking and to whom, and that makes it a chore to read.
Because of mostly grammar, writing, spelling, and even improper capitalizations, I can't let this into the Goodfic Bin.
Details are here.
5466500
This talk by Denise Eide might help you to notice mistakes like that latter one more readily.
The specific rule in question has to do with the doubled "p". If you don't double the "p", the it breaks down into the syllables "ra-ping" while, if you do add a second "p", it becomes "rap-ping". ("rapping" and "wrapping" may be different activites, but the words are homophones)
The talk I linked also explains why the "ra" syllable is pronounced "ray" rather than "rah".
"Changeling station"
i like that part with the organ stealing
5555954 i agree with you fine sir
5624272 probability if queen chryis or twilight you mother bucker don't get in the way
btw i hate twilight
cute
You know, I personally would feel fine if you ended this story right here. The part at the end where Red Heart makes her decision was just.......it gave me diabetes from adorable sweetness!!
5555953
Both. Either. They're both bad.
6142064 You can't say 'fine sir' properly, if you don't have this:
And yes, I do agree with your sentiment.
plz more
6283731 i like your statement
MUST. RESIST. URGE. TO CUDDLE...
"Olive, the toaster won't hurt you"
"it's angry! "
I'm liking the story well enough, but there are definitely some major errors. 'Thou' should be 'Though", 'Porcine' (as in a pig) should be 'porcelain' (as in the ceramic) and you didn't capitalize Nurse Redheart properly once.
On that note, I find it odd you made Redheart a surgeon, unless you intended to show that "Nurse" is actually her name rather than a title. I do find the idea of "Dr. Nurse Redheart" a little funny though.
When Olive started to shout in her sleep, my heart almost broke, as well as the flood gates holding my liquid pride in. I don't know why but I found it very emotional. Five
for you sir. (My phone glitches and doesn't want to put in five . Srry bout dat.)
Mk11 tuftiftuftuffutuftiftif
Cute....i may be heartless, but i do have soft spots.
Because nothing says heartwarming quite like organ harvesting.
What happened?
Is this story dead?
I love this.
Changeling station? The typos are pretty funny but not overly distracting. We'll give it a pass since it feels like early teen writing. Let's see where the story takes us, eh?
Curious, old enough to talk and reason, but not educated in pony things. A bit surprising she created and accepted a name regardless.
Why would Red give an unopened can to an injured foal? That's pretty mean LOL.
Aww man, why draw a cold bath? That's rude! Rofl.
Man, whoever's in charge of scheduling should feel bad. 😂