Enigmus
Joined 29th Jul, 2014 ·
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Pretty good, first time reading a story that had no rating yet, and was not disappointed or scared away. (PS, thanks for the reassurance that the gore was the game, else I would have run lol, just letting you know it is appreciated.)
6657316
Thanks, I put a lot (probably more than I should have) effort into writing this up. And no problem. A lot of people don't provide these warnings unfortunately, and that leads to getting the wrong idea. I figured that a warning was the least I could do. Not my sort of stuff either, so I understand.
You don't really need an editor for this for your spelling or grammar, but it might be worth getting one for a look over the general structure of the story. I found the first section to be too different in tone to the rest of it; you spent more time describing the content of a fictional game that doesn't really matter to the story than some stories spend from start to end.
You could start the story from the moment Thumderlane takes the game away and you would lose almost nothing.
That's not to say that the start was badly written, but I think if you want a story about that game then the world of that game needs to the focus through much more of it; otherwise it is just a pointless distraction.
6657343
I'm actually as aware of this as I possibly could be. To be honest, it didn't bother me very much. I read through the story three times, and, while I understand where you're coming from, I felt that the two different feels were necessary. But that's just me. I'm lenient with other works in this regard. So that might be me not knowing what I'm talking about. This was simply a one-shot that I'll most likely forget about in a week's time. But as for getting an editor for the structure, that'd have to be me. Well, if I ever get to it. I usually just polish it up a bit before release and then let whatever happens happen.
But yes. I'm very aware of this. It's not entirely pointless, however. I'm going to have to disagree with you on that. While it should be shorter (I tend to be overzealous. As you can see. I ramble.), it not existing at all isn't the best idea. If anything, I should shorten it up. It strengthed the feeling of "Thunder, you done fucked up" more than just the game being taken away. As I said... if anything, I'll shorten it up, maybe cut it in half. Or more. But unfortunately, getting rid of it entirely is a no-go and it will affect the overall feel of Thunder and Rumble's small falling-out. There's a difference between just a game and a game you know something about.
I'll look over the structure a bit. While I'm more than aware of the change (I did it on purpose), I'll have to study this a bit. There's a point here that I understand. I wanted two different feelings for two entirely different settings. One fast-paced and dangerous, another filled with drama and cute stuff. And sexy times, I spose'. Some kind of difference (while I think I did go a little overboard), seemed necessary. The problem with the structure seems to affect the flow, but splitting the two sides of the stories might do it some good. It seems like it would take the reader out of it, more than anything else.
In short: I wanted to try something different.
This was very cute! I hope you make another one, not that many colt x colt relationships. I'll be following ya from now on. In the non creepy way
6658863
Thank you! Glad to know you liked it. And yeah, there are too few colt x colt fics out there. Shame.
I loved it! I've seen this innocent sexual experimentation theme done before, and I've even written it myself, but here it was done quite expertly. I'll be checking out some of your other stories for sure!
6659428
Thank you! I knew it was decent, but "expertly"? The more you know, I guess.
This was pretty good, however, the whole "we shouldn't be doing this" after sex chat seems out of place. Just saying "we probably shouldn't be doing this" seems enough for me but the rest just doesn't seem like something they would think of right after as to something thought about later in the tub.
....but +1 for sequel!
6659455 you should make a sequal one shot in my opinion, it was pretty good.
Seconded on the vote for a sequel.
I enjoyed this plenty and I would like to see where Rumble and Sin go from here.
c2.staticflickr.com/4/3564/3784843987_e8665db0fe.jpg
I can't read the gore tag spoilers
Damnit i really wanna know
+1 vote i wish thunderlane helped me with my throbbing stallionhood
This seems so backwards to me. I could hit my brother in the nads and all would be forgiven after he does his damnest to return the favor, but deleting weeks worth of vidya gaem progress? He'd fucking murder me.
I can't bucking breathe! It took forever to be able to type again and finding that line just set me off. I came for the colts, but I think I'm gonna be too tired to make use of this right now. My sides hurt and I don't care.
oh yeah, let's name our foal "Sin"
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
(Great story btw lol)
I generally avoid foalcon, but I gave this a shot and wow, the feels. Really cute story, it got me smiling and brightened my day a little. Thanks for the nice read Nepho!
7635577
Glad you like it so much! Thanks for giving my story a shot. ^^
This was expertly written and the only complaint I have is it's a bit wordy. Other than that, though it was an excellent read, and I'm very interested in your other works.
7894190
Yeah, I've been told that I'm pretty wordy. And I'm glad you liked it so much! The feedback is very appreciated. ^^
You know, every time I read your comments I keep hearing Daffy Duck's voice.