Equus is Dying

by Silver Nightshade

Chapter 8

-----Night Watch-----

We saw the explosion and the tower fall before we heard it. This was it, the enemy had finally shown itself and they were too late. In a couple seconds the vortex would pull in all marked ponies and they would be safe from this evil. A flash and a sound like thunder filled the sky as the vortex exploded and the packages that were behind me and Silky disappeared. All the mages were panting heavily and as the Guard, we all stood up and got ready for the enemy.

Another explosion, coming from the castle again. They must think the Princesses are still here. "Lets move out soldiers!" I yelled as Silky and my platoons formed ranks around us. My unit moved first, running through the now deserted streets of Canterlot as more explosions sounded in other parts of the city. I run and look from building to building, looking for anypony that doesn't belong. That's when I see it, a pony...I think...that looked to be made of shadows and some form of red energy. It sees us, and lets out a screech that causes my ears to bleed. I hit the ground along with my platoon and when I open my eyes the thing either multiplied, or received back up in the form of exact copies of itself. They all have glowing, red eyes and black, shadow-like tendrils sprouting from their back. I notice that a couple of the tendrils were holding something. They were holding, well more like crushing, members of my team.

-----Silky Dark-----

I heard the screams before I managed to turn the corner and find them. Night's platoon was laying around on the ground or speared on bits of twisted metal on buildings. I found Night among the ponies on the ground and he wasn't in good shape. He had one hoof twisted wrong and his chest seemed compressed.

"Silky," I barely heard him say my name, but he did. "Beware--Shadows." he choked and went limp, his broken body no longer trying to pump air into his lungs. I screamed my sorrow into the air as it turned a dark red with fire dancing across its surface. Occasionally the fire came down and struck parts of the city or the country below. I had a front row seat of it all since I was near the cliff side of the city. I heard a sound like silk and turned, looking at the shadow pony with tears running down my cheeks. I lit my horn and fired a magic bolt at it. It blew apart instantly before reforming. I fired three more and even though it was in more pieces, it still reformed. I closed my eyes and resigned for my fate until I heard an explosion and a pony shouting for me to get moving.

I opened my eyes to see it was what remained of my platoon, they figured out how to kill it.

"Lieutenant, we found bomb and lightning spells are the only way to kill it. bolts or normal weapons won't work as long as any part of the shadow is still around."

"Then what are the pegusi and earth pony guards going to do if they get attacked?"

"They are working on forming a way to either blow the shadow with wind or else hit the red energy and hope it works. Lets move we got to form with the other platoons at the castle Ma'am!" With that we ran, and every time a Shadow pony appeared we either shocked it, bombed it, blew it away, or as luck would have it, stab it in the head with a spear. They never got back up but there were so many of them, and the sky wasn't helping. The fireballs it shot would nearly hit us from time to time.

We managed to get about halfway there before we were ambushed by twenty of the things. They shot red energy at us and one of the orbs managed to hit my flank and created a horrible wound. I was knocked to the ground and looked up into the sky, a fireball was coming down on top of the area. It was huge, taking up probably several blocks at least. I closed my eyes and waited for the end.

-----The End-----
(For Now At Least)

Comments

[Elric of Melnipony]

Twilight is the same age as The Character Night Darkshroud

You seriously named your OC "Night Darkshroud"?

[Fluttershy and Manticore]

5020462 i know right!

[Marathon]

5020462 It could be worse.

I mean Silver Nightshade?
That's gotta be in a top ten just right there.

[Commissar Holt]

5020462
noodlytime.com/postimages/so-edgy.png

[Silver Nightshade]

5022714 funny you say that I originally thought about making the OC me. Given the comments so far that could only bode well wouldn't it?

haha

[Marathon]

5034539 At least dark night shroud Implies some sort of special talent in darkness or sneaking. What does a color and a plant mean. What does a half-moon signify? Why is he a color of pony we only see in the night storm troopers royal guard. Your OC confuses me on so many levels.

[Silver Nightshade]

5034776 I'll be honest, the whole Nightshade thing sounded cool to me and until recently I never knew it was a plant so +1 to me, the half moon with a wand signifies use in illusionary and offensive magic.
And yeah in the story we are literally introduced to the O.C. by having him coming out of an invisibility spell so there's that at least right?

EDIT: also I'm horrible with coming up with O.C. names for ponies.

[Marathon]

5037716 I've seen worse honestly. At least he's only a pony and not a hybrid thing. Also he's neither red and black or an alicorn so it could always be worse.

Oh he has freckles, never mind. BURN THE SPECIAL FRECKLES HORSE.

[Silver Nightshade]

5037765 so in other news, did you read the story or only get to the description? I knows its a short read but I need some practical writing exercise and I'm trying my hoof at actual story writing.

[Marathon]

5037796 If the AU the story takes place in or is illogical I usually ignore it, which I think I did here. Early Teenage mane six with Twilicorn kinda confused me. (Also implies that the MC is at least slightly younger than me). That's a general rule I practice for stories that look like self-insert fiction. I'll check it out in depth though.

EDIT: THREE signposted perspective shifts in the first chapter Abandoning ship.

[Silver Nightshade]

5037821 If that makes you jump ship wait til you get to the rest of it.

EDIT: also, is it that they're signposted shifts or the fact that they're shifted that you don't like?

[Marathon]

5038027
----(Chase_1159's perspective)----------

No more to the point of there being,

1) 3 perspectives within a thousand words

2) If your going to switch perspectives do it in third person omniscient and don't put giant distracting signposts in the chapter

I just realized that it has you killing off Twilight too. That explains the lack of support for your story. Fanboys have a habit of being rabid and easily angered
-----(Fanboy's Perspective)----
Burn the witch! He hath sinned.
----(Chase_1159's perspective)----------
Shush Twilight fanboy in my head, Not now.
-----(Fanboy's Perspective)----
Rape his flesh tell his organs burn! Penetrate his virgin anus till pain fills his soul. Make him fell the pain of purple smart book mini horse!
----(Chase_1159's perspective)----------
I'll be going now... Run.
-----(Fanboy's Perspective)----
Go for the genitals! They feel the sweetest inside.

[Silver Nightshade]

5039426 That should be a story on FIMfiction. lol

Plus, I like breaking Norms

[Marathon]

5041685 What should be a story?

Attack of the fanboys from fimfiction?

Burn the witch!

[Silver Nightshade]

5041703 Yup, but seriously, aside from the first-person shifts, what do you think about it? is the plot good, however short it is? or does it need work cuz I already have the next two sequels in production for this.

[Claire Shimmer]

i loved the story.. but i feel there wasn't much explantion to how it all began... and not much explantion on how Celestia and Humans Contacted each other first.. other then that i loved the story.. because to me it painted a Image of what was going down and had my brain giving everypony a voice while reading.. great job can't wait too see more story's ^-^

[Silver Nightshade]

6028278 Part of why there isn't much explained is because I have 2 Sequels planned, one is set immediately after this and the other a couple years later.