"Oh the things I do for Equestria"
Iron Shield and his long time partner Midnight Moon are newly inducted agents in the Equestrian Secret Service. Their mission, to find out who would attack the Equestrian Royals. For Iron and Midnight life has never been more exciting. Casinos, Clubs, Alcohol, money and MARES.
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Before anyone says anything I know the stallion in this is a pegasus and I know most people have seen the image. It is more so for effect rather than literal interpretation to portray the characters personalities.
Actually I was going to point out that it should be "On her majesty's secret service", and you might want to capitalize all the words in your title.
Edit: Anyway, it's my bedtime. I may read this in the morning, though.
2603843 Or if we assume that we're talking about both princesses (didn't read the fic, so I don't know), then it should be "On their majesties' secret service". Either way, there is a typo in the current title. :D
the cover art.... isnt that taken from "the golden armor part 2"?
2604044as I said before I know people have seen it already
Er...
Not trying to be rude, but really needs to be improved
I haven't seen lots of ending dots, you know? The dialogues are quite out-of-character, and you mostly never end the sentences with a proper ending dot.
Also, the paragraphing of the scene where they were taking shots was pretty bad...you don't ALWAYS split the dialogues into singular paragraphs...
Quite disappointing. Sorry, but I'm going to have to give this a downvote.
You may not be talented on grammar but your really good on making the plot(no pun intended) of the story
Red vs Blue references?
IT'S NOT PINK, IT'S LIGHTISH RED
2604069 umm no i mean this pic was made FOR the golden armor series
2605025yeah I was waiting for someone to notice
I enjoyed the RvB references. Well done.
2605508 the first reference was my favorite episode
Yes for the RvB references. Great job, like and fav.
And can't wait for and update.
The plot seems to be good, but I have to agree with Emiry on your grammatical mistakes and structure. If I were to go into any more detail about what your mistakes were I'd only be repeating what the others said, however, I can't wait to read Chapter 2.
2604438 I assume by " Ending dots" you mean either periods or punctuation.
I highly suggest if you are going to review a fic at least know the terminology. Not trying to be mean, but I saw you comment got some down votes and thought I would help you out a bit.
~WildCard
2604438 i'm just going to assume by ending dots you mean full stops. unless you really are a crazy idiot.
2618395
Ending dots are my terminology. I mean, I also pronounce etc. as what it actually says so... xD
2618487 and what are ending dots then?
2618547
Well, as it is. Full stops.
2618655
2621464
I know
This is awesome! You are chasing The Golden Armor in quality bro, true story!
2603843 Thumbs up
Celestia and tapped a brick in the wall and smiled as their jaws dropped when a section of the wall slid across revealing a small metal box just big enough for five ponies to squeeze into.
The and after Celestia should be deleted
You are really trying your best to out beat The Golden Armor, aren't you? Good news, you're catching up.
my suggestions are
1. Add details- you'll help us get a picture of whats happening instead of "generic underground surveillance facility", because it becomes a habit, and turns into "generic this" and "generic that"
2. Be sure to keep track of character actions. an example from this chapter is when Celestia got out of the box, she disappeared until after the introductions
3. Be careful to show the differences between a character speaking and a character thinking, mainly by using italics.
Examples: Speaking= "Oh, crap"/ Thinking= "Oh, crap"
2626498 why why is it on hold you cant do that
Continuation plz.
It would have fit the story more if the people on the j.i.joe's team was all oc's and not just other people that already exist. Also I don't give a shit if they are fucking unless there fucking it's one thing to drop hints and shit but to come out and say that they are about to and then don't show it. That just sucks cuz in a story that has a good idea that you can do awesomely 95% of it so far is them fucking and that would be ok but I don't get to see the fucking you just skip over 95% of the content of the story so far