- Member Since 3rd Oct, 2011
- offline last seen Mar 29th, 2022
BraxAttacks
I am a currently 16 year old cynic who used to love the show and is still on this site for some reason. Once in a blue moon I actually write something.
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OH COME ON! Nothing livens up the excitement of intimate relations between a man and a woman like the risk of an accidental pregnancy--and I'm totally not saying that because that's my biggest fetish (in fiction at least), nope, no siree!
I think your story was fine overall, but I have one major complaint that I would like to bring up. It seemed to me that Fluttershy took her gender transformation in stride a bit too well--at least from the point where the story reached the *ahem* bedroom part.
I would expect at least a bit of initial awkwardness and nervousness from her, considering the new physique and equipment she had just recently acquired. Not only did she take the lead from the start, and knew exactly what to do, but she also didn't spare much thought at the different feelings and sensations that came with her changed gender.
All in all, for me, the whole sex scene just felt too much like a typical straight intercourse, rather than a scene where one of the characters had their gender changed.
I hope you won't get discouraged by my little feedback here, I only wanted to help
Some mistakes that I have noticed:
They "take nearly a day" what? You need to elaborate a bit there.
navel
dam
4637855 Dude, no need to apologize for the feedback; that was about as constructive as it could have been.
Yeah, I realized after I was almost done that I hadn't made any comments on the fact that Fluttershy was, y'know, a mare before she was having sex. Unfortunately, I'm kinda lazy, so I never went back and tried to change it. Again, thank you for the feedback! I'll get around to fixing those typos eventually, I swear!
Stupid sexy science.
(Reference, not comment on quality of fic)
This time, we will defeat our virginity with science! Sexy science!
4637855 Actually, Flutters taking the change better than she should be intrigued me. It made me think that maybe she always wanted something like this without even realizing it. I would really like to see this continued in a full multi-chapter story, maybe even a series, that delves into the ramifications of this.
4649856 There was a bit that explicitly mentioned that, but it always came out really awkward so I took it out.
Now you're making me think of stuff I could do. CURSE YOOOO-.
I enjoyed this.
I`m confused. Are they humans or horses. You refer to them as mares and stallions and they still have wings and horns, but the have human bodies.
But still a good fanfic overall.
4710769 That's just how I do anthro.
4710769 It's Anthro.
http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/photos/images/original/000/207/248/roflbot.jpg?1322248267
Poor Fluttershy, letting herself get used and most likely heartbroken.
I think it would have made the story a little more *something* if you had Twilight either break her heart by not accepting her love unless she remains changed (and Fluttershy not accepting that), or Fluttershy, realizing she will never have Twilight's love as a mare, offers to stay a stallion in a fake relationship. You wouldn't even have to take your writing past the decision stage, thus making it easier to write.
This was a difficult read since I'm a major TwiShy fan and Twilight's actions were hard to see. But I thought it was put together well, though I am not a writer (but a 55+ year novel reader). Thanks much.