- Member Since 3rd Oct, 2011
- offline last seen Mar 29th, 2022
BraxAttacks
I am a currently 16 year old cynic who used to love the show and is still on this site for some reason. Once in a blue moon I actually write something.
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Well, this was quite a sweet little story! The cloppy parts were rather well written, both in description and pacing, so I wouldn't say that taking all your cues from other clop stories was a detriment in any way. The pairing actually worked pretty well, and I especially liked how caring Thunderlane was, without him being too coddling. Fluttershy was also believable; I think you pulled off the conflict between her shyness and relieving her loneliness well.
The only negative I'd really have was the story progressed a bit too quickly for my liking from initial encounter to sexytimes, but honestly, that's just me. I generally prefer stories with a bit more story before the clop, but I'm pretty rare in that regard
All in all, a good one-shot, and I'm glad to hear it helped push through your writer's block. Looking forward to any future projects you may have
Needs a bit of proofreading for grammar, but that's really my only complaint.
as Fluttershy came, harder than she had ever come before first of this bit BEFORE this made me giggle i never thorght fluttershy whould be one to musterbait
2nd i can not spell
3rd your a teen you should not b. hmmm wait im a teen to so hmmmm
GOOD STORY
3981747
3981844
3982094
Thank you for all the feedback!
I liked it, short and sexy clop.
Today was a good day to be horny.
3984975 XD
Glad to hear it!
Good to see someone using my artwork for an appropriate purpose! Good read.
(Could I get credit for the pic, though?)
3988002 Thanks!
I kinda just put in the source and figured that was enough: Lemme edit the description.
3985925
Sweet black, baby Jesus on a motorcycle, that escalated quickly.
Other than that, was a'ight. 7.8/10
Dude, trust me! I've had sex, and your story pretty much describes it very well!
4095293 Somehow, I have done a good job. No idea how XD
Holy fuck, no sexual experience, no relationship experience, and a teenager whose only knowledge on sexfics is from sexfics? Are you me?
4140464 Yup.
OH WAIT CRAP YOU FOUND ME
4144554
*AAAAAAAAAAGGHH!!!!!!!*
4144566 UH... I COME IN PEACE
4144574 WHERE'S MY HAND CANNON!
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131028195204/saintsrow/images/2/24/SRIV_Pistols_-_Alien_Pistol_-_Z9_Handcannon_-_Default.png
4144636 EH. DAT'S MINE.
GIMMEH!
4144718 NO! You take gold one! I don't like bling.
4144822 Oh okay~!
4144936 ... Fuck it, this thing deserves a fave despite it being a premiseless one-shot.
4144975 Aw sweet! Thanks man!
Also, as a note, just having a silly interaction like this just made me think of another story idea.
GOOD WORK, PYRIEL MAN DUDE!
4145028 I'm a bro, bro. Also, I will read that!
4145040 yay, viewers~!
Hell, if you wanna, whenever the hell it gets close to done, you can pre-read.
4145052 dats would be amazing... Pm me when that happens.
interesting little pairing you put together here bro
'twas a good little story thou puteth together
also, my ;ye olde English' sucks
4171192 Thank you!
Worry not, ye troubled folk, for thine hour of YE OLDE ENGLISH will cometh yet!
Sir this story deserves an upvote
4590332 Thanks! (Possibly) getting some work done on another story tonight!
Hey dude, just thought i'd let you know you have your 69'th follower, and your latest 2 oneshots have been amazing, am I seeing a fluttershy trend here as well?
4664192 HEHEHEH.
i1.ytimg.com/vi/7ezSQEOCSBw/maxresdefault.jpg
Thanks for the compliments, man! in all likelihood, my next one won't feature Fluttershy, intentionally. I do like her, but I wanna try other things as well.
4664217 I read your newer one yesterday actually, and then I saw this one was by you and I just had to stalk you, and from what i've seen you're improving quite a bit just from those two by comparison. I'd probably be writing smut on here too if i had a computer and the money for a proper internet connection hehe, but nah, I'm stuck on my phone :p
4664299 Ah. a shame. I only recently got my hands on a computer that can run any game the isn't Minecraft, and I can agree that not being able to do something you want to because of tech is laaaame.
And thanks again for the nice words!
4664217 If JonTron give this a 10, then you know it's good and hot damn was it good.
Nice little story, especially if you got all your knowledge from only reading other fics.
(Althought it was kinda riddled with typos... I could make a list if you want.)
5202084 Thanks!
And yeah, I really need to get better about my proofreading habits. Pretty much everything I've posted here has gotten, like, one comb through?
FINALLY a decent anthro clopfic that doesn't resort to futa or human in Equestria.
5205268 <3
Some typos but cool.
I think another chapter is in order at least have them being officially together
This was surprisingly good, considering that your only experience is from reading fics.
Have a moustache
5218904 Many thanks for the facial hair. I could use some more :P
Not bad, not bad at all.
5453446 Thank you! :3
You wrote this... as your first clop ever... with NO sexual experience whatsoever?! This was amazing!
I feel like I could write clop now. You my friend have boosted my confidence. Great job with this.
5583690 Thanks man! To be fair, I've read a LOT of clop on the site. Not sure if that really explains it, but I could get a sense of how things go.
And hey, go for it. Even if it doesn't turn out good, the experience is valuable. Every story I've written has taught me a bunch about writing.
Definally deserves a
.
5698471
Quite a nice story, I approve quite some. What is also amazing, the fact that you write this without any experience other than the other clopfics on this site. Seriously, have a