I am a currently 16 year old cynic who used to love the show and is still on this site for some reason. Once in a blue moon I actually write something.
In 2356, Humanity had destroyed itself, leaving a wasteland where only the strong and fit survive. Life is a grim ordeal for a man such as John Abraham, someone who is as normal as the times allow. But his life is thrown into chaos when he is thrown head-first into another dimension, and must save its inhabitants if he wants to get back home. But what does he have back home that needs to be returned to?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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John Abraham... Oh for Luna's sake, where have I heard that name before!?
Anyways, sounds interesting! Will read soon
10499 I think it came from a really annoying guy I know named John and Abraham Lincoln.
I gonna follow this story for now
(sorry if i ramble, but sometimes i tend to write mini reviews)
John. Who is he? He is (as of right now) completely uncharacterized, save that he is lean and kind of rugged. He remained silent the entire time, and your descriptions left a little to be desired. Also, according to your description the story is going to center around John trying to get home, but why should the reader care if he was only home for a few paragraphs? You're world is a character too, and it needs a fair bit of description as well.
The writing was decent, at times it felt a bit... how to put this... informal. You, as a narrator stated things a bit too plainly at times. Now if written well this sort of writing is very amusing to read, but as it stands right now the writing feels a little rough.
As i read i was ready to write off this fic, until i got to the fight. You can write a decent fight, and that isn't easy. Sure you had weak descriptions here and there, but the fight was interesting and for that i have to give you some credit. Sharpen your skill and you will write some great battles.
Overall a somewhat unpolished, but also decently interesting piece of writing. I'll hold off on rating it until the next chapter. This one set the scene and I feel like chapter two will be the deciding factor as to whether i'll continue reading it.
Just remember. Respect your environment, as it stands the world you're writing seems pretty boring. Give John some character. Avoid refering to the reader as 'you' unless you are trying to have the narrator be very informal. And finally, play to your strengths, you can write some decent action, keep that up.
I will read chapter 2, and I wish you luck in your writing.
10555 You just summed up many flaws I know of in my writing. i plan on making MAJOR revisions to the first chapter to add said character to John.
Hurry up
10899 Good to know. I respest anypony that can take critisizm head on, and is willing to accept their flaws. I think i'll track this for the next couple of chapter just too see what happens. Good luck.
working on chapter 2 right now.
11449 I see where your complaints are coming from. In my head, he cried because he hadn't told anyone of his world's strife in a long time. I didn't even consider the fact he might become socially awkward. Lets just call it pony magic for now, alright?
13281 I certainly play many video games, yet have had the misfortune of never playing Oblivion. I want it, though.
I dare say good sir that continuation is called for, as well as a glass of fine wine and some caviar.
I agree with ^ up there, this certainly needs to be continued... This one is going on my tracking list!
13959 Indeed, the fine drink shall be passed around while enjoying lovely company. Wonderful stories shall be told as we dine on a finely crafted dessert.
well crap, this story is awesome. I cant say much more than that really.
Stupid me accidentally clicked 4.5 stars instead of 5.0....
16823 Thanks! It truly makes me feel good knowing i'm contributing to this community. I already have an idea for a Conversion Bureuo-esqe grimdark story in mind, I might do that soon! And it will start off with more writing expierence behind it!
Eagerly waiting for the next chapter.
It's 9:16 where I am, and I'm waiting for proof-reading on chapter 4
Still some minor coventional errors but I like how you didn't make everypony trust him instantly, keep up the good work ^^
I need some suggestions for story ideas. Also, don't forget to rate it, I want an accurate representation of the community's opinion!
Make more, acquire currency.
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/9/9a/Ducreux1.jpg/220px-Ducreux1.jpg
I liked it. Maybe next you could have them find zecora and ask if she had ever seen anything like that stallion before? Or they could be sucked into the dimensional rift and find a new world? Also I think it would be cool if one of the portals sprung up in either the ponyville library, or in canterlot. Just my two cents...
Remeber to capitalize, its spelled "Preposterous", and use "its" instead of "it's.
17953
step 1: write story
Step 2: read comments
Step 3: ???????
Step 4: profit
To piggy back off of Midnight's comment, it's not "strait" it's "straight" (the former being a narrow body of water that joins two larger bodies of water, and the latter being something going in a single direction without any deviations), and the grammar in regards to the dialogue is wrong (nowhere near the worst I've seen as there is only one or two consistent mistakes, but it still needs to be addressed). Whoever your editor is, hasn't done you too many favors
Now that, that is out of the way. The story is good. My only real complaint (other than spelling and grammar) is that John's reaction to Celestia throwing him in jail felt off. Normally, doesn't being throw in jail for no good reason piss people off (guilt by association, counts as a bad reason)? If that happened to me, I wouldn't be looking to do said person any favors, not to mention I'd give her a tongue lashing that she would never forget (royalty/goddess or not). The best part of the story so far, has been John's background. It's very well thought out, and present in a very good way (for being such a bad thing). Would review/constructively criticize more, as there are a lot more things that I like about the story to state, but I need to get to my college classes...about five minutes ago
19091 Thanks for the feedback! I do really need to crack down editing wise, this I am aware of. And to be honest, I did not really plan this fan-fiction out. I am making this up as I go. I do not know how this is going to end. That said, I think this is one of the best Fan-fiction ideas I have ever had, so i'm pretty glad its getting a good response! keep on rating and commenting, everypony!
Nice chapter, and I liked Zecora's reaction to John.
Does anypony here know what exactly qualifies a story to be featured at the top?
It is November 6th. Sorry about the delay, everypony! I have a bad case of writers block at the moment. Sorry!
IM worried about the authors notes not, I hope your story (the plastic boat) wont be sinking any time soon!
26931 Roger roger.
I'm really liking the story so far. I hope you end up finishing it, without rushing of course. ( a lot of good stories I've followed withered away unfortunately. ) I'm liking the ship you're sailing good sir, do want more.
When I "watched" you I noticed you were in middle school, I'm very impressed by your level of writing. Keep up the awesome work!
30055 Thank you for the feedback! I do intend to finish this at my own pace, though it could end up reeeeeeeeally long, since I can have them go to any dimension at all. Past Sins crossover? I won't do it, but I could. I could end up having twelve or more chapters just devoted to different dimensions and the adventures inside them. As for the ship, it was constructed out of peer pressure to wright shipping, which I planned to do when it seemed fitting. then that time came.
I learned all of my writing from simply observing other great works of literature. Back to Past Sins, it was what made me want to try my hand at writing in the first place, and It turns out I'm okay
I personally think that most middle schoolers, the ones who think swearing and sex jokes are the key to humor, don't really have the, shall we say... 'smarts' to write something mature in the sense that it isn't stupid or a blatant worshiping of themselves. On an unrelated note, I like pancakes.
17926 I always felt like ponies shouldn't trust the weird ape thing from space too quickly.
Proportions, not per-portions.
i used to close portals. then i took an arrow to the knee
52838 I eat you arrow. Now go close some portals!
FUS RO DAH! Lol more like FUS RO DAaaaaaw!
skyrim its invading things like pony
Wait, whoa. I totally forgot I made that reference, and was thinking, "Why is everybody making Skyrim jokes?" Makes more sense now.
damn i have been wanting a cool Dragon-born in equestria type of deal i was thinking i was going to get it but damn
someone needs to make a dragonborn in equestria type of story it hasn't been done yet and with all the skyrim out lately im surprised that it hasn't been done and that scene made me want a dovakin in equestria so bad URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, other than that great chapter keep up the good work 
52978 thanks!
I got as far as the Fus and started laughing. Oh god. It would have been interesting to see Dovakiin come into equestria though. But still. Took a while for the update but worth the wait.
53601 Yeah, I had lost all inspiration for this story, then at some point forced myself to write more. Glad you like the reference! What should the next dimension they go to be? It could be anything, so say anything!
55877 How about a nice trip to the pools of Jusenkyo in Ranma 1/2 series, yeah!^_^
145089 I know about that, but I haven't read it.
sounds good, update with link when your done please.
194502 Of course.
COME GET SUM! Epic words :D story is as entertaining as your others :D
Youve made some great stories ;D
826048 my smile right now would make Pinkie proud. Thank you as mich as I possibly can, good sir. You deserve it.