Damaged
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And we are back again for more naughty fun!
Thunderlane has the pet of his dreams under his hoof (after Stripe's Loyalty), but his willing captive's friends are not quite so quick to think he is being kind to her. Twilight sets out to investigate, and she will not stop until she gets to the truth of what all this "pet play" and "dominance" is all about!
I love you damaged, I hope you are a DOM because you must be making some little pet the happiest on earth.
It's looking like Flutters is going to investigate very thoroughly...
? = looked
Have to invent a S-Eep-Meter, there are more Subconscious Eeps coming off Flutters in this chapter than Rads off of Chernobyl.
m1.behance.net/rendition/modules/32201371/disp/4b73798db399aa1c6673f0b3b0838a20.gif
7798478 Fixed, thanks.
Oh, damn. I regret I could only give that one upvote.
OK this doesn't make sense, what's missing?
Twilight are you going to eat humble pie now or some other pie?
7800128 Fixed! Also, is that the first question for a character?
7800151 Not on familiar ground here, so this is safest I can say with out burning my hoofs.
Ooh, how bout to Mayor Mare. Do you approve of the pet phenomenon in your little town? That's forward thinking of you.
Twilight Sparkle, Equestrian Princess of Awkward Entrances!
Ever think of writing a story in which the ponies become or already are a subservient/pets to other species.
7802196 Hrmm, that could be interesting, but sounds a little non-consensual. I am okay with such, but it would certainly paint the "others" as bad. If you are interested in such, I am always taking commissions.
$20 a month slots are still open, that will give you a chapter a month.
7802298
Sadly I'm broke and and in debt.
???
Uh oh. Someone gave Twilight the reins. This gonna be good
7809401 http://www.dictionary.com/browse/sand
Look at the informal usage. This is a term I have used before!
It doesn't look like Twilight disliked being Thunderlane's sub, honestly. The little spank made her all blush up cutely.
She should be dom to the other fillies and sub to Thunderlane. In fact, "princess" is already a perfectly usable name for a pet, with the added benefit that her master could call her that in any and all places, including in public. Only they and the other pets would know what he's really calling her.
Who's to say young can do better?
I know someone who can tamed Mayor Mare.
Here I hope our good Stripes will be a very bad filly!
It may not be story relevant, but I must ask. For Cadance and Shining, who holds the leash, and who wears the collar?
And is there any chance of seeing them at play?
7833330 That would be up to the commissioner. But I have been itching to do a dominant Shining Armor story for a while, I just need a valid plot to run with.
My, my. Our naughty little Stripes!
excellent representation of bdsm so far. and an excellent representation of a sub in that situation. Very well done. its nice to see a bdsm story from someone that obviously knows what they are talking about.
'patches' I think?
Twi shouldn't have used the gag yet, not until she fully understands what she is doing.
No questions, still too unsure about the bdsm thing to feel right asking anything.
hi,
that story is very good,i love this pet play
i hope you dont plan to make Twilight a pet, i dont think that will work
Twilight as Mistress is a good idea, i like to see her own pet (Starlight Glimmer or Trixie per examble)
7836831 Twilight being a bottom is more training than punishment. Thunderlane wants to make her realize how helpless a bottom is, and he is likely to push her right up until she has to use her safe word.
7836993 Critiques are good, this is a flexible series in regards to focus, and yes, Thunder is the main player (his thing he has with Dash is going to be a constant), but the aim is to show how things go with Fluttershy getting an itch scratched that even the show itself showed she has.
As stated above, Thunder doesn't want Fluttershy to blame Twilight, but he intends to demonstrate in the best way he can think of, just how much attention Twilight needs to pay to her sub's needs. Missing a cue, especially a safe-tapout, is a really bad thing.
As for springing it, I was trying to give the impression of how wrapped up in their fun each of the ponies was, they were all in a happy place except Fluttershy. Admittedly, it wasn't a really bad thing, but she was uncomfortable and didn't like the situation, which is always a sub's prerogative. I am sure Twilight would have noticed eventually, as would Thunder when he turned around, but that is no excuse. Twilight was wrong in not paying more attention, and Thunder himself was wrong, since it was his dungeon and he was the senior (and teaching) dom.
At the end of the day, this is a clopfic, but I promise that I do take as many aspects as I can into account. I like to think I made what could have been another rape-power-trip fic, into something a lot sweeter and lot nicer.
Exactly how far along is Rainbow Dash in her pregnancy? It's been a while since it was mentioned at all.
7837736 Heh, only a a few weeks, not even close to showing.
7837052
OK thanks, now I understand what your plan is.
You put Twilight in a situation where she has to use her safe word, so she understands how important it is to keep your pet always in the eye, especially if it can not speak.
Then I wait anxiously for the next chapter.
7837052
Hmm, I would still love it if Twilight ended up being dom towards Thunderlane's other mares but stays his pet. Or oh, if they add Spike at some point and he becomes Twilight's master.
7837052
I was going to say that the situation did seem a bit like thunder manufactured it. Giving free reign on a second try is asking for disaster, especially if you aren't going to keep a close eye on things. In my opinion Thunder and Twilight should both apologise.
Looking forward to the next installment.
That's pretty clearly coercion, Thunderlane. He needs to be called on that.
Cue Dash buying a spreader bar for her own bed.
Thunderlane had better be wary or he might get bunnykicked in the ghoulies.
7886863 It was a promise. His intent was to give Twilight a feeling of consequences for her actions. As far as Twilight thinks, now, she isn't allowed back.
7887095
Still, the whole episode with them teaching Twilight "how it felt" felt very uncomfortable. Part of that is because everything moves at the same brisk pace. Thunderlane could've used some calling out on what he did, he could've thought about what happened, Rainbow could've thought about what happened, maybe they could've all talked longer, but everything goes by so fast, it lacks the emotional impact it could have.
Maybe I'm wrong, but it really feels like the story is speeding up and not taking as much time to let things play out as before.
7887824 The main reason Twilight's "enlightenment" session was shortened, was because she is not the main target of this section of the story. This is Softy's Kindness, the plot around Fluttershy's blossoming, about her finding a relationship that is stable and comfortable, about her feeling like the mare she wants to be, is the aim of this. Twilight is in here as a side character, although if I know my commissioner, they will likely have a story for her to star in, because she deserves spotlights.
Whoa, where did Twilight's lesson go? It feels like you missed a chapter.
Hey Angel, does Rainbow smell funny? One thump for yes, Two for no, Three for 'is that what that is?'
Thats the 1st time a non gore story almost made me puke...
No wait. The 1st time any story almost made me puke. This is just so not my thing ><
good writing though.
7904499 Ack, sorry to hear that. I did make sure to list the things going on in the description, did you not check it?
7904584 The problem wasn't the acts and kinks but what is essentially voluntary slavery.
) but not outside the bedroom and humiliation is completely out of the question 
It's just way out of character. I don't think Rainbow would mind getting dominated every now and then by somepony she loves *cough* (Twilight
7906687 Ah, no probs. Thanks for the heads-up.
mean
a
Discord: You OK with all this?
7924707 Fixed both. Oh my, a question!
Thunder, or a storm is brewing (in her dress
)
Was a little worried the wing restriction, for a pegasus who as you said rely for a lot of balance as well as expression, in public might have been a bit much for her but a quiet venue sorted that.
8040630 Fixed. Thank you!
Ok, my complements on this, I'm really enjoying it. Stripe's Loyalty wasn't nearly as good as I think you rushed Dash into the relationship, but your pacing has been much better here, and I'm waiting with baited breath for the next update.
Few mistakes here and there (need a proofreader? Or you could run it through gDocs, they check spelling and word usage automagically), but sound. I do think it would've been funny for Fluttershy to name drop Princess Cadance when asked about the Crystal Empire. Also some explanation of how they got a room at the castle could've been useful, as I doubt the average pony can rent a room there, at least not without being on a long waiting list.
So, what happens next? Have Fluttershy and Twi talked yet? Seems like it would've happened before the date if my timing is right, but doesn't seem to have. Also Dash needs to get back to work, but considering how she was acting at Fluttershy's place, I think that'll be somewhat interesting as she's not the mare she used to be I think. Obviously her, Thunder and Flutters will have to work out how their relationship will work, but I can see them forming a herd whether polygamy is legal or not (I have some thoughts on it in Equestria that might be fun).
So I guess that brings us to Twi, no? I think she's learned her lesson, even if she thinks she's banned for what she did, so Thunder, Dash or Flutters will have to reach out to her. I'm surprised that no one has suggested Rarity as a training sub for her. While I don't think Rarity is all that into mares, she certainly wasn't to embarrassed to prep Softy for delivery. Plus she's quite capable of dealing with Twi if she goes to far again between her magic and her personality, since she could free herself and then tear Twilight a new one.
Long term for Twi, maybe develop a serious relationship with Luna (yes, I love Tuna ships) and a casual one with Celestia? Luna can do her duties from anywhere in Equestria, so she could move to Friendship Castle to be with Mistress Twidark easily enough, visiting Canterlot when Luna's duties require it. Maybe convert some space in the dungeons into a playroom, a throne room for Queen Twidark to rule from her throne with Celestia in a cage, and her pet Luna leashed and collared beside her throne? I'd pay to see that (seriously, what would it cost to make it happen ifn the current commissioner doesn't want to go there?).
Any how, as I said, looking forward to updates.
8041581 Spelling and word usage? I would love to know where I messed up with those two facets.
Anywho, the term "herd" is one I am a little against: "herd" is a term for a group of horses numbering roughly between 15 and 30. When you have a group of ponies together, it is a string.
As for Twi and Shy's friendship, that is planned for the next story (consisting of Twilight as the dom seeking her own pets to play with). She is dominant, and while I do enjoy fics where Twilight tops Celestia that will not be the aim here. Her eventual partners will be Starlight Glimmer and Sunburst.
The how of Thunderlane's ability to get a private room at the castle will be revealed in the next chapter (in case you hadn't noticed, this story releases once per month).
8041600
I'd have to go back through to find them, some have already been pointed out to you, but they are very rare.
Ah, thanks for that correction, I have heard the term string occasionally in westerns without knowing what it means, so I turned to herd as its more common in MLP fiction. I do agree that string is a better choice.
Ah, interesting choices, I wondered where it'd go with her. Still, my offer to pay for an alternate story that goes where I'd like it to go still stands. I like the idea of Celestia as an occasional playmate rather than a permanent slave/pet. I think Luna would make a better partner, and I can picture her wearing her collar 24/7 and prolly being amused by any stares she gets and the disgust of the nobles. Unlike Celestia, I suspect she doesn't really care what they think, she'll do what she wants and they'll just have to accept that.
Cool. I hadn't noticed the update schedule as I read both this and Stripe's Loyalty over a couple days, mostly on my tablet, and the mobile site doesn't show the date when updated.