• Published 9th Jul 2014
  • 2,543 Views, 34 Comments

Apple Surprise - Derpator



Babs Seed gets an interesting letter from Apple Bloom that may change how she views her family.

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 2,543

When you're family, you MAKE the time

The playground wasn’t quiet. Never was, never is, never will be.

But that wasn’t to say it disinterested her. No, rather the opposite. She enjoyed the games and constant chit chat around her, regardless of weather or day. Colts and fillies with their friends, a handful of games to partake in on the playground. It was a perfect time for her to chill out and unwind during her lunch break. Browsing the scene every few minutes, she saw a few ponies hop-scotching at the other end, all of them with their visible talents.

She was still a blank flank. That fact didn’t matter to her anymore. Not having a cutie mark wasn’t the end of the world, but the bullies remained, as much as it discomforted her. Not a physical battle she had to defend in, but a verbal confrontation was always in order. Who would terrorise another for not earning their cutie mark yet? Only bullies, like she wasn’t.

Sweetie Belle was right; she could aspire to be anything. What did it matter if an image was portrayed on her flank or not? She had potential, and that’s what mattered most.

But that wasn’t the important thing going on for her. She was lonely at lunch, sitting at a wooden bench with her meal flat in front of her. A small, metal lunchbox with a decal of an apple on the front held her food. A bit predictable to others, but something she wasn’t willing to trade. It showed she was an Apple, and darn proud to be one. Her other friends were pre-occupied. Detention had to be given out to those who broke codes of conduct after all. Time after time, she had told them not to misbehave.

She had finished munching on the last remainder of an apple, the trademark harvest of her family name, finally getting around to reading the letter sent to her. She was in a bit of a rush to get to school in the morning, so she couldn’t read it earlier, or in class. Now that she could make the time, she’d willingly read it by her lonesome. She didn’t complain about not having company. It was rather relaxing and somewhat calming in her eyes.

She recognised the writing on the envelope, immediately filling her with glee. It was Apple Bloom’s, no doubt. They often shared letters. She had already started to wonder what joyful crusading tricks the trio of fillies must have been up to this time. She even tried to replicate a few ideas here and there, joking in a way, to see if she earned her cutie mark herself. They failed most of the time, so it must run in the family. Or perhaps her true talent hadn’t shined yet.

She carefully pricked open the envelope, sliding out the letter from within. Clearing her throat, she held it up in front of her.

Dear Babs,

You won’t believe what I just went through! I went on a family road trip! We went on our way to old Goldie Delicious to see... and get this...

Babs was feeling chuffed for Apple Bloom straight away. A family road trip sounded marvellous! She was already getting hints of envy towards her cousin, wishing she could have gone with them, or at least seen some photos, and it had only been a few sentences she read. But what was this apparent revelation?

We have an extended family! It’s possible that the Apple family is related to the Pie family! Isn’t that great? I was so excited throughout the entire trip, wanting to find out so much. There’s a mare in Ponyville called Pinkie Pie, you might have seen her before, but she had found a shocking discovery that placed our two families together. The source she had didn’t confirm it, which is why we went on the road trip in the first place.

She raised an eyebrow. That was... interesting. A possible family connection? She didn’t know how much to think about that, or what to think of it in general. The Apple family was large enough as it was, but with the Pie family as well...

However, Goldie Delicious didn’t have the answer. Our trip there wasn’t exactly... the best either. We had a few arguments, but in the end, it was one of the most enjoyable times with my family I’ve ever had! Although we haven’t found out for sure if the Pie family is related to us, we consider Pinkie Pie family enough. She’s a distant cousin, but I can tell she’s an Apple!

I wanted to let you know odaeopgas

Hey there! Isn’t this the most superific amazing fantastical news you’ve ever heard? I can’t believe it myself! Pinkie Responsibility Apple Pie, that’s my new name! Me and Applejack are cousins, can you believe that!? I’m so excited about this; I just want to throw a party to celebrate! Are you excited about this? I am! I have to go tell all my friends about this party, so later possible distant cousin!

“Eh? What?” Babs scrunched her snout, her eyes glued and fixated on that last paragraph as she held it in front of her like it was a mysterious artefact. What in the name of Celestia was that? She scrolled down, hoping for some justification.

So sorry about that, Babs. That was Pinkie Pie. She got hold of my pen after coming around for a visit. She’s gone now, but, honestly, I’m just as excited as she is! I can’t believe this fantastic news either!

I wanted to let you know about this so that you could tell your parents, or any other Apples you may come across. Or maybe even some Pies. You can’t believe how happy I am right now, and how excited I was writing this!

Love, your cousin,

Apple ‘Possibly Pie’ Bloom

“Huh...” Babs put the letter down and relaxed on the bench. An interesting piece of news. Another branch of her family. She was... happy, for lack of anything else she could find. She started to feel like she was sharing Apple Bloom’s excitement. She almost reached the point where she wanted to skip around the playground yelling out the good news, not a care in the world.

“Possibly related to the Pie family...” she graciously thought out loud, sighing afterwards. It was something to hold on to, possibly forever, and even more to tell her parents and sister about when she got home, if they weren’t aware of it already. It was overwhelming news, blissful even, but why she didn’t prance around shouting it out, she didn’t know.

But that family name set off something in her head. Pie, was it? Yes, she met that Pinkie Pie for a short while, not the best meeting in her life. She seemed familiar somehow...

There was a Pie in her school. She knew her, everypony knew her. Heck, the pink mare and the Pie at school even looked the same—

“Babsy!” a cheery voice called out across the entire playground.

Babs jerked towards the direction of the loud voice, a young filly running straight up to her with a giant smile. It was her: the Pie she knew. How didn’t she piece it together quicker? She was known all around the school for her chirpy demeanour, her perky attitude, and her inclination to throwing parties.

“Uh oh...” Babs mumbled in realisation. She wasn’t immediate friends with the filly, but said filly had already earned her cutie mark. Having been a bully before about being a blank flank, would her new family member bully her now? She couldn’t, not with how happy she always was. She didn’t want that on her conscience.

It was only a brief thought. The young Pegasus dove right at her, hugging her in a strong grip, sending both of them plummeting onto the ground in a messy heap. Babs didn’t fight back, instead taking the tackle as thousands of thoughts chose to swim through her mind in that one particular moment.

Babs grunted when she hit the ground, the impact hurting a little, though not leaving a mark. Her eyes focused on her attacker after a temporary dizzy spell, looking up at the Pie she knew, who was just as eager to look back down at her. She was a young, white Pegasus with butter-coloured hair, along with a cutie mark of three purple balloons.

She figured it out internally. That is how she reminded her of Pinkie Pie. The same exact cutie mark and curly, flurry manestyle. There was no doubt in Babs’ mind that she was a Pie, and for that matter, possibly an... Apple?

“Ohmygosh Babsy, have you heard the news!?” the Pegasus practically yelled down at her, still grinning. Babs nearly had to cover her ears from the almost ear-piercing bellow.

“Uh... what news is that?” Babs nervously replied.

The Pegasus gasped. “You don’t know? How do you not know?” She whipped her head around, still energetic, then picked out and held something in her teeth. It was a small piece of paper, likely a letter. “Mminme mmph!” she said, her voice muffled by the paper in her clenched jaws.

“What?”

The Pegasus spit out the paper. “I said, we might be related!”

The letter fell onto Babs, who caught it with her hooves. She ignored the small traces of saliva and began reading. Her eyes traced through the first few sentences. She mouthed the dialogue in the letter, the words just screaming out at her. There was a more energetic feel to the words, eccentric even. It looked similarly like that one paragraph Pinkie Pie had scribbled in her cousin’s letter.

And then she put two and two together. Pinkie Pie wrote this one, likely telling Surprise about the same exact news as Apple Bloom had told her. She finished off the brief letter, smiling up at Surprise, who was almost ready to rocket off in fireworks, blaring up the sky, or so she liked to imagine.

“Cousin Pinkie told me everything!” Surprise proclaimed, helping Babs up with her hoof.

Babs could tell Surprise was thrilled from the discovery alone. She grinned as Surprise performed a small jive in front of her. She returned to the bench, motioning Surprise to come over, pointing towards her own letter. “I got a similar letter,” she said plainly, but showing a smile.

Surprise giggled, skimming through Apple Bloom’s letter at a brisk pace, excited to see another family’s perspective. She especially liked the part where her cousin injected, but after seeing the same message again from another family’s side, she couldn’t contain herself anymore.

With a small whimper, Surprise grabbed Babs, crushing her into an imminent bear hug. Babs’ only response was the blinking of her eyes. It took her a brief moment to realise that Surprise really was a tremendous hugger.

That was Babs’ primary conclusion. Well, Surprise was warm too.

Babs could feel Surprise’s fluttering heart, her own seemingly speeding up in accordance. Whether they were lining up for synchronisation, she did not know, though she wouldn’t complain. Surprise was a hugger, something she had seen countless times around school before.

Babs herself wasn’t much experienced in the art of hugging. She gently patted Surprise’s back, her eyes trailing to the side as her lip curled. It might have lasted longer than necessary, though she still felt thrilled for the both of them.

Surprise broke the hug, stepping back in front of Babs. “So, what do you think?” she asked, tilting her head a bit.

Yes, what did she think? Surprise was a nice filly, a good friend, a bit hyper at times, but still enjoyable company. Only one of the likely large Pie family too, which now could have a possible relation to the Apples. It was quite a bit to absorb, changing an entire family roster like that.

And yet, Babs felt more excited for the idea every time she thought about it. Could it be because of the eccentric behaviour Surprise portrayed? The possibility of an even larger family reunion if the Pies and Apples got together? Ideas flashed to her, ideas that made her full of joy.

“I love it,” Babs whole heartedly replied.

Surprise practically skipped all over the playground with the known energy of a Pie. Combined with the honesty and determination of an Apple, Babs realised that their traits could work out well together. Just maybe...

A plan quickly formulated in Babs’ mind. If Surprise was up for it, Apple Bloom would enjoy that breaking news too.

“Hey Surprise,” Babs said with a certain charm, a hint, that really grabbed the other filly’s attention. Surprise stood there, waiting. “How would you like to join the Cutie Mark Crusaders?”

Surprise fiddled with her hoof. “What’s that?”

“It’s a club dedicated to helping young fillies and colts find their cutie marks.”

Surprise’s eyes filled with sparkles, stars gleaming in her pupils. “That sounds fun,” she said hesitantly, “I have my cutie mark already though.” She gestured to her flank. The purple balloons might have shredded away the possibility of the escapade and thrill of obtaining her cutie mark, but maybe there was a way around it.

Babs sighed. Though Surprise had her cutie mark, and Babs was maybe even a tiny bit jealous, that wasn’t important. “That doesn’t matter,” Babs exclaimed, waving her hoof in dismissal, “we could always have fun trying things to get me a cutie mark.”

Surprise nodded. Usually, the word ‘fun’ would instantly provoke her—a trademark of some Pies, but this was different. “I’m in,” she finally agreed, extending her hoof.

Babs met Surprise’s hoof with her own and sealed the deal. Another member for the club, and as soon as Apple Bloom found out that a Pie joined, she’d want to meet her as soon as possible.

A new friend, a new family member. What more could Babs ask for?

Babs found herself charging over towards Surprise and embracing her in a hug. Not a simple hug that lasted for a few seconds—no, a hug she desperately wanted.

Surprise tightly hugged her back. The hugs of a Pie were strong and loyal; they were hard to surpass.

What was that frantically coming over Babs? Tears of joy? She wasn’t a hugger. She wasn’t.

Nor was she going to show them, forcing her eyes to hold back the unintended tears. Surprise was a merry filly; she wouldn’t cry if Babs counted on it.

Breaking the hug seemed a few levels of awkward, but when Babs looked into Surprise’s eyes, she saw happiness. True happiness. From within the sparkling irises of Surprise, she could see her own reflection of that happiness too.

She had just hugged a Pie, like a Pie. She was a Pie herself.

And in hindsight, it only made her smile more. Surprise’s look of joy was infectious by itself, downright contagious, but this...

The Apples and Pies being related? Babs saw it, and, even more, happily welcomed it.

Babs was speechless. Locked into the violet eyes in front of her, the beaming expression foretelling everything, Babs couldn’t say anything.

She tried to speak, opening and closing her mouth wordlessly. Nothing.

“Hey Babs, what you doing?” a gruff voice mockingly asked from nowhere, yanking her from her euphoria.

Babs shook her head. She recognised that voice, which sent off alarms in her head right away. It was him, and from hearing the nearby clamour, she knew he was with them too.

Babs was correct. A group of rowdy young colts walked over towards the pair without any regard for normal sense. He just had to come over and ruin her good day.

Her demeanour shifted dramatically, her smile dropping to a deep frown, her teeth grinding together. Her brow furrowed.

“What?” Babs tried her best at standing tall. After taking a few paces towards the small group of colts, she remembered that she had company of her own. Surprise needed some protection. Family protection.

The leader of the raunchy group wasn’t pleasant. Ponies could likely tell that just from looking at him. His mane was a scruffy mess, his coat not exactly clean, but it was probably a deliberate choice. Babs could tell he meant trouble whenever he laid his hooves around, and she was ready for another verbal scuffle.

The colt smirked, a little snort escaping from his dry mouth. “You got your cutie mark yet?” he asked with a mocking tone, already knowing the answer. She could tell just by the way his eyes trailed towards her blank flank, his head held high.

“No!” Babs held her ground. “What does that matter?”

He tittered, shaking his head in severe disappointment. “Pity.” He turned back towards his group, who was just as horrible as he was. They weren’t sympathetic in the slightest and, yet, they all had their cutie marks.

Babs blew back a lock of her hair, revealing her leer. How dare they come along and ruin the moment? She couldn’t let Surprise fall to their level. Taking a quick glimpse at the Pegasus, she seemed distraught, concerned.

“So then,” the ringleader asked after a sigh, “are you still trying to earn it?”

Babs growled in response. “What’s it to you?” she dryly replied with subtle venom, trying not to crack.

The colt didn’t respond verbally. His reply came when he got too close for personal space, right in front of Babs. She initially whimpered, his eyes glaring into hers. But she remained strong, telling herself she could stand up to him. This certainly wasn’t the first time she had to hold her ground.

He smirked as his eyes pierced into hers. In an instant, he grabbed her, trapping her in his grip. She grunted from his ugly hooves and his ugly demeanour, finding herself trapped and facing his gang of ‘friends’.

“Ah Babs...” He gently stroked her mane with a dirty hoof. “What good is a filly with no cutie mark?” He grinned before rubbing his hoof roughly into her scalp.

It wasn’t a searing pain, but it hurt regardless. She hated it. She hated him. She hated the way he enjoyed messing with her, especially her mane. She could only feel bad about how she failed her family name, and especially Surprise—

“Hey!” a high-pitched voice shouted from her side. That voice. It was Surprise’s, and in a brief flash, it meant everything to her.

Babs looked over to see Surprise standing tall beside them. The usually smiling Surprise, who loved to throw parties and make other ponies happy, had shot a glaring stare, aiming it directly at the leader.

Babs’ jaw fell agape. Surprise had fully sprouted her cream-coloured wings majestically, her eyes full of fire. “Leave her alone!” she hissed. The colt’s loyal group members were just as shocked as he was at the outcry.

Babs felt the grip around her soften. She took the chance and escaped, pushing the colt away. She ran over towards Surprise as fast as she could, taking a refuge.

The colt leader guffawed, even smacking his head with his hoof to mock them further. “Well, well, Babs has a guardian.”

Surprise growled, taking a step forward and stomping a hoof. To Babs, it seemed like the ground shook from the impact. “Babsy is my cousin!” Surprise exclaimed. “So leave her alone!”

The colt tilted his head and raised an eyebrow. “Family, eh?”

“That’s right!”

“So has she enrolled you into that lame club of hers?” The colt looked to his group. “What is it? ‘Cutie Mark Losers’ or something?” He gained a little chuckle from some of his so-called friends.

Babs was about to step in, but Surprise beat her to the punch. “Of course I did!”

“Oh, you did, huh?” the colt replied. “You do realise you already have a cutie mark? That club of hers requires you to be a blank flank.”

Surprise, still glaring at them, checked out her flank anyway. Her expression softened a bit at the sight of the mark, the memory of how she earned it seeping into her mind. She then gazed over towards Babs Seed, who was blank. She darted her eyes a bit, scrunching up her lip.

Surprise walked over towards Babs, wrapping her hoof around the filly’s shoulder. Babs felt initial discomfort, but welcomed it after a moment. Surprise pulled Babs to her side as they approached the lead colt. Babs almost tried to run away, but something was assuring her that Surprise wouldn’t let any harm come to her.

“So what?” Surprise said. “She’s my family, and that’s the best thing about it. She’s more fun to me than you could ever possibly be.”

The way she talked down to him. The way she remained so open and gentle, yet put forth an insulting comment. Babs could recognise that defensive logistic, that mannerism. That was something an Apple did. Apples looked out for one another, and Surprise...

Surprise looked out for her. Surprise was an Apple.

The colt mumbled something incoherent. He didn’t argue, simply nudging his head to motion for his group to move along. They obliged. Soon, Babs and Surprise were left alone.

Babs couldn’t believe it. Surprise had fought off the bullies that taunted her so much, time after time, and she did it gracefully and with the nature of a Pie. The Pie that an Apple would be glad to know.

Surprise might just be that Pie.

“Are you okay?” Surprise asked, her eyes full of worry.

Babs zoned out, Surprise’s soft soul getting to her. Her voice sounded motherly, caring, all that she could wish for. It reminded her of her own mother, and her soothing voice. The kind of voice that guided her through her wallowing stages, the voice that gave her strength and courage.

“You... you stood up for me,” Babs quietly replied, putting her hoof onto her chest. First there was Apple Bloom, and, now, Surprise. Were all of her cousins required to save her from something?

“Of course I did,” Surprise said, placing her hoof around Babs' shoulder. “We’re family. We look out for each other.”

Family...

She had an extended family, the Pies, who easily possessed the traits of an Apple. Apples look after one another, their pride and strength of kin. Seeing Surprise stand up for her gave her everything she needed to know.

It might have been a one-off time of standing up for another filly to anypony else, but Babs could tell it was different. She knew it in her heart and just from looking at Surprise.

They were related. They were Apples.

Apples to the core.

Author's Note:
Comments ( 34 )

Best CMC and Best G1 Pony!

Awesome work and a great story :)

Okay, this was cute, extremely, amazingly, and whole heartedly cute. You may have a like, favorite, and a follow.

i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/257/840/df9.png

A cute story with a sweet ending. :twilightsmile:

Cuuuute :rainbowkiss:

This earns a fav and a like due to the fact that you are exploring post-episode effects.
the writers basically give people like us a whole lot to go on and I loved the way you had Babs react to the news. She was slightly disbelieving before the rest of the story rolled off the page and had me cheering. Good work mate.:yay:

Not having a cutie mark wasn’t the end of the world, but the bullies remained, as much as it discomforted her.

"Discomfort" is not a verb.

“I got a similar letter,” she said plainly, but protruding a smile.

Unless Babs' mouth is extending away from her face, "protruding" is being used incorrectly.

She especially liked the part her cousin injected with, but after seeing the same message again from another family’s side, she couldn’t contain herself anymore.

You might want to phrase "the part her cousin injected with" as "the part where her cousin interjected."

That was the Babs’s primary conclusion.

"The Babs's"? I think you mean "Babs'".

His teeth tittered, shaking his head in severe disappointment.

Teeth don't titter. I'd suggest "He tittered..."

She initially whimpered, his eyes glaring into hers. She remained strong, telling herself she could stand up to him.

I don't get how "whimpering" is "remaining strong".

It wasn’t a soaring pain, but it still hurt regardless.

I think you mean "searing", and "it still hurt regardless" is redundant. I suggest eliminating either "still" or "regardless".

Babs’s jaw fell agape.

I suggest "Babs' jaw fell open" or "Babs' mouth was agape."

Surprise had fully sprouted her cream and majestic wings, her eyes full of fire.

This makes it sound like Surprise just finished growing her wings. "Cream and majestic" should probably be "majestic cream" or "majestic, cream-colored". Plus, Surprise is still a filly, so I doubt her wings are all that "majestic".

Surprise had fought off the bullies that taunted her so much, time after time, and she did it gracefully and with the euphuism of a Pie.

Euphuism is "a peculiar mannered style of English prose," according to Wikipedia. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Her voice sounded motherly, caring, only what she could wish for.

I think you mean "all that she could wish for."
Also, as a general note, the possessive form of Babs is Babs', not Babs's. You make this mistake 6 times.

4672323

"Discomfort" is not a verb.

Maybe not, but "Discomforted" can be used as one in the past tense.

Unless Babs' mouth is extending away from her face, "protruding" is being used incorrectly.

Changed. I saw protruding as projecting, thus showing off her smile. Guess it might have been used slightly in the wrong context.

You might want to phrase "the part her cousin injected with" as "the part where her cousin interjected."

Rephrased. Didn't see much wrong with it, but your suggestion makes it sound better.

"The Babs's"? I think you mean "Babs'".

:facehoof: Doh. Fixed.

Teeth don't titter. I'd suggest "He tittered..."

Left another typo in... fixed.

I don't get how "whimpering" is "remaining strong".

Because I forgot to put "But" in front of the "She". Another fix.

I think you mean "searing", and "it still hurt regardless" is redundant. I suggest eliminating either "still" or "regardless".

Bah, another typo. Fixed the searing. I can see the redundancy. Removed "still".

I suggest "Babs' jaw fell open" or "Babs' mouth was agape."

Don't see anything wrong with it. The jaw is still applying to the mouth in the context.

This makes it sound like Surprise just finished growing her wings. "Cream and majestic" should probably be "majestic cream" or "majestic, cream-colored". Plus, Surprise is still a filly, so I doubt her wings are all that "majestic".

Fair point. Changed it to "cream-coloured wings majestically".

Euphuism is "a peculiar mannered style of English prose," according to Wikipedia. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Wrong word usage on my part. Changed it to "nature".

I think you mean "all that she could wish for."
Also, as a general note, the possessive form of Babs is Babs', not Babs's. You make this mistake 6 times.

Changed. Also fixed each possessive form.

Still need to work on my own proofing. Thanks for finding these.

We're family, but so much moooooooo-oooooore!
No matter what comes, we will face the weather!
We're Apples toooooo the coooooooore!!!
:ajsmug:
Now, if you'll excuse me...

*ahem*

HHHHHHNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG—*ded from beetus*

4672594

Maybe not, but "Discomforted" can be used as one in the past tense.

Fair point. It just sounds weird to me.

Don't see anything wrong with it. The jaw is still applying to the mouth in the context.

True, but in my head it sounds like her jaw is open. Her mouth can be open. Her jaw does not have moving parts or holes that can be opened.

Fair point. Changed it to "cream-coloured wings majestically".

Surprise had fully sprouted her cream-coloured wings majestically, her eyes full of fire.

It still sounds like Surprise just finished growing her wings, as in they have just finished developing or have just shown up. "Spread" or "unfurled" might be a better choice.
Glad to help!

"towards Surprise as fast as she could, taking a refuge."
*refugee

"Surprises’s look of joy was infectious "
Surprises's??

"Taking a quick glimpse at the Pegasus"
There's not a dot there. Pegasus shouldn't have a capital p.

"Baba looked over to see Surprise standing tall beside them"
Baba? I think you meant Babs.

Nice Babs story. She was well portrayed in this one. She may be confident with strangers and stuff, but acting tough in front of the more hardened bullies she deals with on a daily basis? Yeah, this is more what I'd see her dealing with.

Nice story, so hard to find likable Babs stories around. Last one I read ironically had to do with Diamond Tiara running away from home to look for her Mom in Manehatten. Sadly, that amazing story hasn't updated since forever now. As all good running stories I end up liking usually turn out. :raritycry:

Keep up the good work! :yay:

Although we haven’t found out for sure if the Pie family is related to us, we consider Pinkie Pie family enough. She’s a distant cousin, but I can tell she’s an Apple!

I wanted to let you know odaeopgas

1. I like how Apple (possibly Pie :trollestia:) Bloom doesn't write with her accent.
2. Odaeopgas??

Let's see... if Applejack's great-aunt Applesauce is a 4th cousin twice removed from a Pie family member. Assuming that that member isn't Pinks, and also assuming that the generations of both families are similar in length across the board, we can infer that Applesauce shared a 3x great-grandparent with a Pie's 5x great-grandparent or vice versa. Which would make Applejack and Pinkie 7th/9th cousins

Author's Note: We're Apples forever! Apples together!

Sing it everyone!

Or not. Your choice... spoilsport.

Come on everyone/pony, sing along!

[youtube=http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9R7Xt7BW6I0]

Awesome story! 5 points on the..... :yay:itude meter. (I'm trying out names.)

In other words :yay: :yay: :yay: :yay: :yay:

i.imgur.com/nzapftb.png
Twilight's Library is just one of about a dozen groups I added this story to.
In other words, I liked it and I think more people should read it. :twilightsmile:

4674060

*refugee

It was meant to mean taking a refuge, as in Babs took cover by Surprise, not Surprise hiding her.

Surprises's??

Nope... totally didn't just edit that. :ajsmug:

There's not a dot there. Pegasus shouldn't have a capital p.

Pegasus or pegasus are both right. It's down to personal preference.

Baba? I think you meant Babs.

Good snipe. Fixed.
How do I keep missing these things? Thanks.

4675626
Yeah, Babs is rather underused. Which is why this fic is only better with Surprise, another underused character. As Pinkie and Surprise are identical too, it gave me the idea of using Surprise as a Pie. And then I figured, does Babs know about the family relation? She disappeared after Season 3, and after Pinkie Apple Pie, I would have thought Apple Bloom would love to share that information. And since it was never brought up in the show... I got to it. :pinkiehappy:

4675974
Who writes an accent? That just seems tedious. Why even go to the effort of writing in an accent? Apple Bloom would intentionally be messing with Babs if she did. Unless... she meant to. :pinkiegasp:
As for the odaeopgas, if you didn't pick up on it, you have to imagine the scene. Apple Bloom was writing, but then Pinkie came around and interfered, the pen going haywire on the paper. It's hard to show it, but that's what it meant.
I never even bothered trying to figure out the cousin chain. It's just too much to go through, and it's confusing as anything.
Glad you enjoyed the story though, and obligatory link for song:

4676592 A hearty three hooves up from me on that! (Four, and I would fall over.) Congrats to you, Derpator!

The funny thing was that when Surprise says "Babsy!!" I thought "Surprise'!"
Well, i was right, but not quite in the context i thought. :facehoof:

Well done and cute! Despite being a CMC, Babs is underused unfortunately. Its nice to see her being used, particularly in a situation that adheres to canon. Great job!

Excellent work. Good use of Babs (who is long past due for a return to the show proper, I think), and a charming story. :twilightsmile:

For some reason, I picture Surprise in the same lanky body Fluttershy had as a filly.

How could anyone down vote this? It was AWESOME. I don't even.

I have to say, the narrative voice in this story really threw me for some reason; it really didn't seem to quite fit the story.

I'm just gonna go vomit rainbows at how adorable this is.

A very enjoyable and sweet story. Surprise was... not really a surprise to me, for some reason that was my first guess as soon as she mentioned knowing a Pie there. My one real complaint was the pacing felt a little off... well, maybe not pacing, per se, but rather there was too much repetition. We're told repeatedly what a Pie or an Apple does, and no less than three paragraphs are spent just on how Surprise is a good hugger. Don't get me wrong, it's a minor nit to pick, but it happened just often enough throughout that I kept feeling I'd lost my place and was accidentally re-reading a line or three.

Still though, great job with the characters, and I like the extrapolation you did to work outward from the original episode to this. Thanks! :pinkiehappy:

We're Apples forever! Apples together!
Sing it everyone!

We're family but so much mooooo-oooooore
No matter what comes we will face the weather
We're apples to the core
Eeyup :pinkiehappy:

Congratulations sir/ma'am! Your story has met set of criteria that..ookay, look. I reviewd your story for TGB (The Goodfic Bin), and I must say that I quite enjoyed it. Love how it speaks to family love. We all need to be more connected with our families. So here you are with a ribbon for your acceptance into the Bin (now that I say that it sounds like your story is crap, nevermind that...).

i.imgur.com/GizVyc0.png

Jump for joy, you've earned it!:pinkiehappy:

If you would like to see your review click here

This was rather adorable. Very SoL indeed, but luckily I'm happy with that, so it gets a like anyway. :twilightsmile:

7162077
Funnily enough, I was pointed towards your Louder Yay blog and was told that you reviewed this story a few days before you posted here. I was happy receiving 3 stars, given how self-critical I am and that every one of my stories could be vastly improved. I know this comment is 7 weeks late, but I just forgot about it.

Thanks a lot for reading and the kind words.

7311819 Oh, doesn't every writer think all their stories could be vastly improved? Why would we bother writing any more otherwise? :rainbowdetermined2: But you're welcome, of course. My marking system being what it is, I use two stars for average, so three means a fic I enjoyed more than most. :)

Really brings a smile to my face. Nice little one shot.

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