Memories in the sky
Celestia always loved taking a stroll through the gardens of the castle at the end of her day. She treasured stopping to smell the roses and carnations, and enjoyed bringing the sunset about from some place quiet and relaxing, away from the constant bustle she was surrounded by. And yet, despite the reason for her decision, she did not stop talking, especially now that she had somepony to share it with. Though her voice was melodic and calm as always, her talk about the experiences the day had brought her were like a tidal wave that never stopped coming.
She expressed her awe over a humble peddler who had waited in line for hours, for no other reason than to present her with a most lavish gift, and without asking for anything in return.
She praised the class of young foals that had visited her during afternoon lunch, all of whom were bright and eager, and how each of them had had a thousand questions for her.
And throughout the big highlights of her day, she talked nonstop about how wonderful it was to be able to interact with ponies young and old, fleeting though the experiences may be.
Luna did not share her love of the evening.
For Luna, the evening was merely the start of a new workday and all the problems that entailed. She couldn’t for the life of her understand how her sister could find such joy in the routine and the ordinary. For her, things were what they were, and though she experienced her own form of happiness at times, she did not expect any to visit her while she did her due diligence.
“How do you do it, sister?” she asked, breaking her silence for the first time since they had entered the gardens.
Celestia, who had been in the middle of a story about a particularly funny clown, slowly closed her mouth. “Do what, little sister?” she asked, smiling that serene-though-joyous smile that so infuriated Luna.
“That,” Luna growled. “How is it possible that your day is always so much more crowded and interesting than my night? You always have something to laugh or be impressed about, though we both know that most ponies cannot find their own backsides without a map!” Her wings flapped in agitation, doing their best to give some emphasis to her words. They returned to her sides when Luna growled again before letting out a sigh.
Celestia looked at her for a moment before shrugging, which felt all the more like an attempt to infuriate Luna even further because of that knowing smile. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you, little sister."
Rather than becoming more angry like she expected herself to, Luna merely felt sad. “Why is it you won’t tell me? You know more than you let on, you always do, but you never deign to tell me anything.” Her ears drooped and her wings soon followed as they continued their walk. At least Celestia had stopped recounting every second of her day.
It wasn’t until they reached the fountain in the center that Celestia spoke up again. “Luna?” she asked wistfully. “How many stars are there in your night’s sky?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” Luna said with a humph.
Her retort was childish and she knew it. Celestia, however, merely laughed and said. “Touché.” They lapsed into silence again.
Luna could not make her thoughts come to a halt. They kept tumbling around in her head, colliding with one another before being replaced by ever more confusing ones.
“Why do you think I wouldn’t believe you?” her sister asked her.
“Because you could never coun—” The words were out of Luna’s mouth before she remembered who she was talking to, and she shut her mouth, letting the rest of her sentence drift away unspoken.
“If I could not, why wouldn’t you tell me?” Celestia hadn’t stopped looking at the stars, but her infuriating smile had gone missing somewhere along the way.
For some reason, as soon as it was gone, Luna missed it.
“Because I could say any number and you would have to take my word for it,” she replied, looking up. Trying to spot what her sister was looking for was an ungainly task, but she hoped it was the brightest star in the sky that Celestia was looking at. She hoped, because it was the only one she had been able to make when she came back.
That one evening right after celebrating Nightmare Night in Ponyville.
“And you think I do not trust you?” Celestia asked. The words stung. They weren’t the truth, or at least, Luna did not want them to be, but Celestia had never been one to resort to insults or petty accusations. No, it was worse because her sister wielded the truth as a weapon. The most unbreakable of weapons which only Celestia seemed to be able to shape to her will.
“Do you? Trust me?” The words tasted bitter in her mouth. No matter what they were talking about, and no matter how much she wanted to avoid certain subjects they ended up talking about them anyhow. Celestia could prance circles about her in any conversation and drive her in the very direction she did not want to go in; a difference in social skill that had only become more prevalent since her absence.
“Implicitly.”
“Then why won’t you tell me your secret?”
Celestia started laughing, and the way she laughed infuriated Luna. She had half a mind to tackle her sister and get into a fight simply so she would stop laughing; At least, until she listened more closely. Though her sister was supposed to be expressing joy, there was something deeply sad about the way she laughed. Unlike the ones earlier in the evening, it was without spirit. Without that selfsame joy that had irritated her.
Earlier that evening, she thought that wiping that annoying grin from Celestia’s face would have made her happy, or at least content, but she hadn’t even noticed when it left. Worse, it had taken her joyful sister with it, leaving only a mare laughing while...
Luna did a doubletake. Celestia had raised her majestic wings while she laughed, and they had partially blocked off her face from where Luna was sitting. Like with all the knowledge that evening, she only obtained it after looking again, more closely.
Celestia was crying.
Luna scrambled from her seat and tackled Celestia with a hug. The force sent the both of them sprawling over a hedge and through the base of a statue, all of which only barely registered to her.
“‘Tia. Celestia! Sister! What is wrong?” Keeping worry from creeping into her voice was a lost cause so she didn’t bother, focusing all her attention on her sister who was no longer laughing.
“I miss you.”
“What is... ‘Tia, I’m right here!” Things were looking worse by the minute, especially if her sister was starting to hallucinate. She pressed her forehead against Celestia’s. “I’m right here.”
Celestia swallowed a few times and wrapped her forelegs around Luna’s neck while her wings did the same to her back. “I know. I know... It is just...”
Luna let herself be held for the moment. “It’s just what, sister?” she asked softly. Celestia let go, and Luna let her get up before doing so herself, worry returning full force when the first thing her sister did was return her gaze to the sky. “Just what?” she asked again.
“You wanted to know my secret?” Celestia asked her hoarsely.
It did not seem all that important in the face of her sister’s sadness. Even so, Luna nodded mutely.
“The secret is that there is no secret.”
Just like that, the anger returned. Luna wanted to shout in her sister’s face and tell her to stop being such a... she couldn’t even think of a proper term. Which was just as well, because Celestia turned her gaze from her younger sister’s sky towards Luna herself.
“The secret is that the day is often no less boring than the night.”
With anger as her constant companion, though no longer at the reigns, Luna narrowed her eyes cautiously. “So then how do you make it seem so much more interesting than it is? Or rather... why?”
Celestia shrugged again. The smile was returning, although its effect was no longer infuriating. Rather, with Celestia’s eyes all puffy and her fur matted, the whole was rather pitiful. “I think it is because I drowned myself in the mundane when you... when you...” She swallowed again. “Left.”
“But I am back now! You no longer have to worry about such things.”
Celestia chuckled. “Yes, you are my sister, but you lost who you once were. And I’ve lost you.” When she looked up again, Luna followed her gaze and found that she was indeed looking at the brightest star.
“Solaria,” she breathed. “I named it after yours, you know?”
“If you tell a pony there are 300 billion stars in the universe, they will believe you. But if you tell them a bench has recently been painted over, they will touch it to make sure.”
Luna blinked and looked sideways, though her sister hadn’t moved. “What?”
Celestia’s wings twitched but betrayed little about how her sister was feeling. “Nothing.”
“Tell me what you mean.” Luna stepped closer, almost stumbling on a piece of the statue.
Two cherise eyes looked into her own, peering, searching for something she wasn’t sure she possessed.“If you tell a pony something they think they will never be able to measure, they will believe you, but they won’t try.”
The battle between worry and confusion was won in that instant. Confusion was the clear winner and Luna went along with her feelings. “So?”
For the first time that evening, Celestia looked at her seriously. No smile, no frown, or anything in between. “I want you to do something for me.”
“What?”
Luna believed she knew how ants felt. Celestia’s gaze made her feel small. insignificant. It pierced through every physical layer she possessed and quite a few metaphysical ones as well. In contrast, her voice was as soft and melodic as ever. “Promise me you’ll do it first.”
“Do I have...” Luna squirmed until the intense stare finally conceding after a minute more. “Ugh! Fine... fine. I promise.”
The two pools of cherise finally blinked and Celestia’s smile returned. “Try to see the fun in things again.”
“I don’t see how that would be very—”
“And tomorrow come sunrise, tell me everything that happened during the night.”
“That doesn’t sound very pro—”
“You promised.”
Luna nodded, trying out the smile that Celestia always wore in public. She couldn’t remember ever having smiled like that, and it sat on her face like an uncomfortable mask. The shift in perspective was even more of a challenge, but she had promised she would give it a try, and she would do so to the best of her abilities.
“Who knows, you might even find yourself eventually.” Just like that Celestia was all smiles again, planting a kiss on her forehead close to her horn before beginning her trek back to the castle, leaving Luna behind to figure out what just happened. “Goodnight, little sister.”
“Goodnight,” she called back absentmindedly, focusing on how she thought Celestia must have felt while calling on her power. She found something within herself, something she hadn’t felt for the longest time, but she couldn’t complete the spell without something to tie this important memory to. After briefly scanning her surroundings, she decided that the broken statue would do wonderfully. The broken pieces floated up to eye level before being pressed into a ball smaller than a needle’s head and combusting into a brilliant flame.
With a sweep of her horn she sent the tiny ball of fire hurtling skywards where it grew as it traveled. It took nearly an hour of uninterrupted casting—a far cry from the rate at which she had created them before—but finally it landed next to its elder sibling; a dark blue star next to the brightest one.
The smile no longer felt fake or uncomfortable. It felt fitting. She had another memory to treasure.
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Great story as always. This is how I always thought Luna would be like after returning, not the Luna thats seen in most fics now
Oh and also there is a small problem with this inn the middle of the story:
What a lovely story. It has a gentle pace to it.
Commence read.
This was an interesting read.
Dat was good fic.
I'd rather like to see just what Luna tells her sister the next day.
This story has three real issues which prevented me from really enjoying it: the first problem is with perspective switching, the second is with its prose, and the third was telling in weak ways.
The first problem, perspective, comes from the fact that we keep switching back and forth between Luna and Celestia without any real warning. We start out with Celestia's perspective, then we switch back to Luna's, then what feels like back to to Celestia's briefly before settlign on Luna for the rest of the story. While this can be done well, it tends to be difficult, and here, it just feels like I'm getting jerked back and forth; it is kind of confusing and draws my attention, when it should feel natural. It actually stops fairly promptly, but the introduction ended up throwing me out of the story because of the perspective shifts; it should have all been from Luna's perspective.
The other problems, the prose being weak and telly, crop up throughout the story. Take the introduction:
Now, being telly here isn't illegitimate. The problem here is with what we are told, and how we are told it. The first sentence is a run-on sentence, with no fewer than three commas in it and a whopping 49 words. That's a very long sentence! Yeah, sometimes it is appropriate for a sentence to be long, but here, it isn't even one thought really. Breaking it up could have lent additional power to it; we hear about her stopping to smell the roses, but in the end, we aren't really given any powerful context for it, any sort of meaning or emotional resonance. She smells the roses, but it is something she does because we're told it.
The next sentence feels awkward as well, starting off with an "And yet, despite the reason for her decision," which, first off, is pretty awkward, and secondly, kind of undermines what came before. We then go on to hear about her talking, but we're told what she's talking about rather than actually... you know, hearing her say them in character, which would have helped us engage with the story instead of holding it at an arm's distance, as we are told what is going on instead of being shown it firsthand, and not really for any good reason - hearing Celestia's voice here would have helped get us into the proper mindset for the story. The metaphor here didn't really work for me either - Celestia talking about her day doesn't seem like something I would describe as a tidal wave, and in any case it feels a bit unwarranted here.
This whole paragarph would have flowed a lot better if Celestia had just done things. Starting off with her enjoying the evening, that's fine, but then have her stop to smell the roses and savor the sunset before remembering that tonight wasn't like every other night because she had someone to share it with, and then going on to have her talk to Luna, with the dialogue going ahead.
I think the story also might have been made a lot stronger by picking one perspective - either Luna or Celestia - and sticking with it, letting the events show us how the other pony was feeling.
This is another example of weak prose. Telling us that a charcter was sad or felt sad is very weak. It is alright to describe how a character is feeling, but saying it outright, in a direct fashion like this, is very jarring. This is precisely the sort of thing where they tell you to show instead of tell because showing is more evocative; the truth is that a lot of this stuff is still telly, but it is a bit less direct. You can use body language to express it, or you can talk about how it made them feel more indirectly (weak, like a stone was sitting in their belly, drained, whatever), or you can even use some other words, but merely saying "X felt sad" is usually weak prose unless you have some very good reason for doing it - and here, you didn't. You could have used body language to express how Luna was feeling, or described it in a more showy way, but this was pretty meh.
Indeed, you went on to use body language later in the same paragraph to express her emotions, making the exposition here repetitive and pointless.
But I think directly telling us that a character felt sad generally is a mistake; it is alright to tell us that they felt sad, but just saying "X felt sad" detaches us from the story.
Why not just, "Humph. You wouldn't believe me if I told you." ?
We already got this from what she said, I think. If you wanted to express the childishness, you could have her pout or do something else.
Also, the whole following paragraph should have been broken up into three paragraphs:
Also, the "fighting like kittens with a ball of yarn" feels like a really bizarre metaphor here, because they aren't at all like kittens fighting with a ball of yarn.
All in all, this story really felt like it needed an editor. I like seeing your stories, it is why I followed you, and I liked the title of this story (Looking at the Scars is a cute title), and indeed the idea behind the story isn't a bad one (that Luna doesn't find joy because she doesn't look for it), but I just couldn't ever get into it because of the prose, the telling, and the perspective switching at the beginning.
4564172
You don't have to post it twice
Anyway... Yes it probably could use an editor, but it's one of those things I try not to worry too much about (I normally obsess over my writing to an unhealthy degree) This is a way of winding down from that, and that is going to lead to some mistakes.
I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it.
4564184
Ah, the joy of the double post. I really need to get a new mouse.
Is it bad that I had no idea what the story is about?
4569115
Ok. Never mind. I understand it now.
i think i understand, im not sure. Is it about luna not being happy?
Three things bug me in this one:
-There was no indication of when they sat down for Luna to spring from where she was sitting to jump at Celestia.
-How "an ant felt?" I'm not sure what you mean here but I doubt it has anything to do with being pierced through multiple layers. Ants are more likely one feeling small or one of many in a colony.
-I'm also stumped on the kittens fighting over a ball of yarn. There is a back and forth of sorts but if your going with the ball of yarn as what is not being told by one of the ponies and is un-raveling as they talk it would need to come up or almost be mentioned again or is it actually the two princess begin to bat, kick, roll around and bite at each other like kittens? I assume the metaphorical but that doesn't really seem to happen, the conversation seems very controlled and straight forward for the most part.
I loved the idea of Luna being jealous of Celestia and Celestia not helping matters by describing her day but the story feels weak.
needs end " marks.
__________________________________
T_T. Nicely done.
4572335
I don't believe you need to sit down in order to pounce on somebody (pouncing being a word akin to jumping which can be done from a standing position)
Other than that, perhaps you're right and I messed up the metaphors. All I can say is that they seemed clever at the time. I'll repeat what I told Titanium Dragon and say that this was written more as an attempt to relax from my normal writing and less as a magnum opus. Sorry you didn't enjoy it.
4573040
Fixed. Thanks.
4562566
Just realized I hadn't thanked you yet. Thanks.
4573662
You're welcome
, and are you working on Chapter 4 of Under Her Wings?
4574308
I am. It's currently 12000 words long and I'm still not finished.
4574332
WhooHoo! *dances* But yeah, take your time, after all good work can't be rushed to much.
4573662
I should have copied this bit when mentioning it,
"Luna scrambled from her seat and tackled Celestia with a hug. The force sent the both of them sprawling over a hedge and through the base of a statue, all of which only barely registered to her."
It never said when they or at least Luna sat down to get up and tackle Celestia.
It wasn't that I didn't enjoy it, I'm just really picky.
cute!
Delightful. I read the edited version, so it seems the issues mentioned in the comments have already been addressed. I kind of like to think this took place shortly before her visit to Ponyville for Nightmare Night. It would make sense.
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
4573662
No prob.
This is so awesome!
Well, I liked it. Good, gentle take on the sisters. Their usual fanon antics are cute and all, but it always struck me as a bit unrealistic to think they mended overnight and are back to pranking and back-talking merrily. It's as appropriate as it is rare to see them as they probably are - scarred, scared, and awkward around each other. Healing takes a long time.
Two thumbs. Way up.
Sweet, and very emotional, love it thanks for sharing
Now, I like this much more nuanced portrayal of the princesses. I particularly like that it examines an aspect of their characters that most fics don't. Most people deal with Luna and Celestia's reconciliation in big emotions and events, and this is more how that reconciliation plays out in the banality of day-to-day life, which is where the real healing has to happen.
Yay......:Good Job
eeyup:
Love stories like these.