Oh god, what did spike do to deserve such torture. O.o nice chapter, still sad its so short though.

732065
Ohoho! It's not done yet. Spike has yet to recieve... His...treatment.

the suspense is deadly. Great story thus far. I like Rarispike, and Pinkie is a bonus

img.ponibooru.org/images/dd/dd4678b4503bc0a119e43dd91860e4b5

732452
I take it, you liked it?

733646 anything with spike and rarity, sex or romance or anything happy i like it. Im a hopeless romantic and i cant wait to see what spike gets out of this.

502901
You! Yes you! I just read your story... Yeah the one about Spike Da Pimp... I like that shit! Cannot wait!

733820
Orly? Welp I had another in mind... But it's... Kinda dark... So I gave up.

I like the story, but it's a little hard to tell what's going on.

This is partially due to the first person narrator doing things like commenting on how other characters feel. "I did this, Pinkie felt this" for example. You have to be very careful about things like that when writing first person, keeping the experiences inside the narrators body and mind. You also move a little fast with the action, making it difficult to keep up. As soon as I get a mental picture of what's happening, we're on to something different.

Here are some errors I found:

"andgave a quick jab every know and then."

andgave is supposed to be two words, "know" is supposed to be "now".

"RaRITY! I- I- Oh CELSTIA!", she seemed to beg me to continue, but I could hear the overwhelming in her voice. I kept hoofing her and began to lick the juices from her body. Her fur was coated with red juices, andher face filled with pure pleasure.

Celestia is spelled wrong. Overwhelming is used incorrectly, in fact this whole sentence makes no sense whatsoever. You could re write it as "She begged me to stop, but I could hear the overwhelming desire in her voice." Or something along those lines. There's also an "andher" that needs to be "and her".

I found more than what I posted, you use dipping instead of dripping somewhere, there are words used incorrectly occasionally, stuff like that.

It's not bad exactly, but you could spend some more time editing and proofreading. Please be careful about the pacing and narration as well. I'll keep watching, but I'm not thumbs upping yet. Maybe next chapter will change my mind.

So hot, and yet that tragedy tag still looms over me.

Spike is one lucky little bastard.

734862
Thank you, all my mistakes will be fixed when I have time. Whether you "Thumbs up" or not is your opinion. I write these stories usually around 1 am, due to ton of work. I thank you deeply for the advice.

Okay, thank you for confusing me. So having a frozen stick shoved inside you is erotic!? How can that possibly be enjoyable!? I mean I remember once hearing about a frozen dildo made to replicate sex with a vampire, and that also confused me. But that's not all, are they not supposed to be having sex with Spike!? Why isn't he involved!? Selfish bitch!

This is just stupid. I'm sorry, but it is!

Finish it. Then I will thumbs up.

768228
Ah, I see where you stand, but the purpose of this was not for the cold frozen treat to be up there... It's for the juice that melts from it. Mixing with their natural juuices. You see?

....
<..<
....
>..>
.....
*click*

1215859 dude you still going to write this right?

768228 Actually, ice and cold things in general is not uncommon in BDSM. Like candle wax, it's a very different unique sensation that isn't horribly painful, but still very exciting.

734994After reading the description again, I think I have an idea to the Tragedy tag. If my guess is right and seeing that Spike is tied up and can only watch, this will most likely trigger his greed growth or in this case his lust growth (as I'm calling it), and go from some playful teasing to full on rape, but just might be my imagination, lol.
But seriously, I do smell rape in the future of this story, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

2100985 Well rape is usually a dark tag, not a tragedy. Anyways, sadly it's unieky we wille ver see the end of this since the writer hasn't been on for 23 weeks

2101990Awwww, well there goes another good incomplete story. O-well, got 44 more to read, lol.

2102064 Yeah, it's a shame cause this was getting amazing.

2102078Speaking of stories getting amazing, I'm still waiting on you, lol.
But take your, just not to much ok?! Later.

2102225

Wow...

I could learn a thing or two from this guy.

This fic is great!

i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/159/324/flash11752_Still-Waiting-on-OP.jpg?1312789147

I LOVEIT !!!!!!

i hope this continues