- Member Since 7th Sep, 2015
- offline last seen March 25th
Cardinal Dan Productions
I love to write, I love to read, and I love this community! If there's a story I want to read that doesn't exist yet, I'll write it myself.
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Could it be?
9676696
Never mind.
9676697
What are you talking about?
Where'd you get the cover art?
This was cool
Don't tell me Sweetie wanted to jump him too?
Awww, looks like Sweetie Belle wanted some too...
.
In your Authors notes, it should be noted that Pia-sama is a FEMALE. This would've grabbed my attention if not for the fact that this is the third time we've seen this cover art, the only change being you photoshopped your title and and your user name onto said cover art. That being said, the cover art has nothing to do with the actual story. So, I honestly don't know what you're going for here. And no, I'm not doing this for the sake of being mean. This is honest confusion.
Sweetie wants a piece of that
9676696
Getting your hopes up? Kek.
Might want to give credit to the cover pictures artist, and if you don't know who it is its (Pia-sama)
9678345
Credit is given, in addition to a link to her site, is at the top of the chapter. I hope this helps.
9678419
Oh my bad then, haven't read it yet so i didn't see.
Aww c'mon we need to stop with this spike x rarity stuff we need more spike xskystar😲
9678505
Begone THOT!
9677451
Why should the gender of the artist of the cover art mean anything? Why would anyone feel the need to divulge anyone else's gender on the internet?
And let's see the clothes their wearing are based off the picture; had you bothered to pay any attention to the story you might have noticed that. Frankly, the cover art could be just as easily used as a way of explaining the nervousness Spike feels through out most of the story and how big a moment this is for him.
You came here for the cover art, said nothing about the actual story itself, and had the gall to claim constructive criticism. This may be one of the most egotistical comments I've ever seen. You're judging something on nothing and claiming to be trying to help.
Good news though, nothing about what you said sounds mean, just pathetic. How else would anyone take, "I came here based on nothing but cover art, but when I couldn't bother to read the story's description(long or short) and found out it wasn't what I assumed, I whined about it and called it helping," exactly? I guess I did forget the really creepy part about how you capitalized the entire gender of the cover artist and demanded it be told to everyone, because somehow that's more important than the quality of the work or the art itself. But hey, what do I know, I'm just an actual friend of the artist who has received fan works from, gotten requests fulfilled, and has done art trades with for years.
9680533
Considering that on her deviantart page that she divulges that she's female on the internet it would be remiss to be misinformed, and I actually did read the story based off the comment earlier of me saying that the cover art has little to do with the actual story so you're jumping to conclusions clothes be damned. And it's not a comment for being mean, it's a comment that conveys confusion. This cover art has been used 3 separate times and is actually a giant reason for why people click on stories to begin with, 2 times it was used for when spike was shrunk down to the size seen in said cover art, you're taking a lot of leaps in logic and trying to paint me in a mean brush when said comment conveys confusion more than anything.
There's a few errors of words being swapped or just letters missing here or there, probably worth another quick once over to iron them out completely, but all things considered pretty minimal.
The details, the sex scenes, and the foreplay were all really nice. You could afford to focus a bit more on the stickiness of the situation. The saliva for instance was really well done, but it felt like Spike's precum, Rarity's juices, and both of them cumming was really lacking(Sweat too, Spike might not sweat if you want to go that route cause reptilian but Rarity definitely would be quite sweaty and disheveled.) Sex is messy, and it's good to get those details in to really make the scene. Equally true, the crescendo
could just use more. You explained some of the physical traits, which I think was really good especially with Rarity, but the actual pleasure and the feeling of release seemed lacking. It's the climax of the scene and in this case the story, so you want to play it up and really make it hot and steamy. I loved the actions they took during, the kissing and falling back on the dryer, that was great, but I really believe that it would of been all the more amazing if you had brought the orgasm itself to life to go with the physical actions of their bodies.
Finally, and I'll admit this one falls further under personal preference, it feels like Rarity's actions aren't explained enough. Now I understand it's a short and it's told from Spike's view, but I would of liked a little more on the why she's doing this, why now, and her own feelings. We get a real nice glimpse of Spike's feelings for her, the crush, the lust, and that desire to make her have the best time he can offer. With Rarity we mostly see her skillful actions in teasing. Unlike in Slippery When Wet where things just kind of happen and maybe the why isn't the forefront of her actions as much as the opportunity, here we can clearly see and understand that she planned this out, and her reasoning and her thought process even if just explained to Spike verbally would have really elevated the passion and love she has for him. Though, as I said, this may be more personal preference.
9680543
SHE divulges. See that part where SHE does it, not rando a or rando b. Hell you even said that the gender of the artist for the cover art would of grabbed your attention to the story. The fact that you're acting like being a female on the internet is special is a whole different issue that I'm not even going to begin going into. I don't have to paint anything, you're doing fine on your own. Let's just be super clear here: No one should be judged on their gender nor should their work or their efforts. It's irrelevant and you trying to force it into relevancy is definitely sexist. She's not special cause shes a good female artist; she's special because she's a good artist. Credit and a link was given, nothing else was necessary and only a thank you or a comment on how much they like the pic would have been acceptable as add-ons.
And again, someone else did something with it so you hold this person to that standard that he must follow the same trend and it's his fault for not living up to such a shallow expectation. It's one thing to be mistaken; it's another to claim that not doing exactly what someone else did with something is somehow wrong. Oh, and I'm not trying to make you look mean; I'm bringing the ignorance of your comment to the forefront. People looking over comments to get a feel for the story should know that a self proclaimed constructive criticism has absolutely nothing to do with the story, the writing, or anything related to the author.
Bonus: If you had paid attention(instead of what I can only assume was skimming for the size scene) again, you would have known that the clothes and appearance of the characters perfectly match the cover art in everything but actual size, and therefor has plenty to do with the story.
9680582
Again you're taking huge leaps in logic. And I edited my comment to convey that it wasn't constructive criticism but confusion.
9680582
9680585
You two play nice now.
Or not.
9680585
Was the story at least good to you tho?
9680739
I'm not opposed to the story at all. It's sex, I don't mind sex. I raised my concerns and addressed the initial confusion that one might come to when reading the story and they were addressed. I think the only fault of mine was misconstruing constructive criticism as confusion and that is quite reasonable.
9680746
All I asked was a yes or no question.
9680749
I apologize, I didn't see it as a yes or no question seeing at it was open ended. It was good, yes.
9680756
Was it?
9680757
Was it good to you tho? That is pretty open ended depending on what the receiver of the question perceives as good.
9680768
so it can be positive or negative?
9680973
Yep.
9680974
So basically yes or no.
9680582
9680585
Oh my god who cares
9680974
HOLY SHIT WE HAVE A REAL TO LIFE MUD BRYAR
9680976
9680721
Sequel
So... Threesome?
part 2 please!
Knew it! You're a sneaky one, Rarity.