Sister

Nightmare moon was defeated a few weeks ago. Luna has finally gotten back into her nightly routine. Everything seems fine. That is, until one night when Celestia is unable to fall asleep due to some pent-up emotions. This is the story of how Luna helps Celestia find closure.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 17 )

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Kritziebomelu

Kritziebomelu #1 · Jun 12th, 2014 · · ·

thought about entering one of the Celestia or Luna collabs? this sort of short and sweet fluff is excactly what you can read there

Eyvind

Eyvind #2 · Jun 12th, 2014 · · ·

4537948 Never heard of these collabs. How might I find them?

IsabellaAmoreSirenix

IsabellaAmoreSirenix #3 · Jun 12th, 2014 · · ·

Simple and heartfelt. I like it.

Eyvind

Eyvind #4 · Jun 12th, 2014 · · ·

4537981 Aw shucks that's kind of you to say

Kritziebomelu

Kritziebomelu #5 · Jun 12th, 2014 · · ·

4537969 These are my favorites

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/133111/sun-and-the-stars-a-twilestia-prompt-collab

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/130153/dark-paradise-the-twiluna-group-collab

But I just found them by chance and never bothered to search for more. I belive there could be a group for such collabs here on fimfiction, but as I said: I never searched for them.

Eyvind

Eyvind #6 · Jun 12th, 2014 · · ·

4538007 Much appreciated, I shall take a look

Nightheart

Nightheart #7 · Jun 12th, 2014 · · ·

short and sweet.
as per usual in my comments to you. bravo. upvoted and faved.

Eyvind

Eyvind #8 · Jun 13th, 2014 · · ·

4538462 Wow, thank you for the ego boost

NobleValor

NobleValor #9 · Jun 21st, 2014 · · ·

Very touching. Very touching indeed.

Eyvind

Eyvind #10 · Jun 21st, 2014 · · ·

4580481 I'm happy you liked it

nightwalker

nightwalker #11 · Sep 26th, 2014 · · ·

A nice, simple take on this idea. I liked. Have an upvote.

moister causing them to shimmer

It's moisture that you want there, not moister.

Eyvind

Eyvind #12 · Sep 26th, 2014 · · ·

5057381 Thanks for the catch and the upvote. It's hard to grammar sometimes.

Titanium Dragon

Titanium Dragon #13 · Dec 27th, 2014 · · ·

Editing notes:

1) Capitalization: the Sun and the Moon are both proper nouns, and should be capitalized.

2) Pronouns:

It was usually at this point that Celestia left, leaving Luna to complete her task in solitude, but she made no move to leave this time. She felt her sister's eyes on her as she tried to concentrate on gathering her magic.

While this isn't too confusing, it is generally best to avoid referring to two characters in a row using the same pronoun (he or she) without re-naming them. Here, we have "she" in the third part of the first sentence refer to Celestia, and then have "she" in the next sentence refer to Luna. While it is obvious from the context which pony it is, it would still be better to use "Luna" at the start of the second sentence.

3) Telling:

“What? Oh, nothing. I'm sorry.” It sounded as though she hadn't realized she'd been staring.

The italicized portion is something we should be able to pick up from the dialogue here; we don't really need to be told that she didn't realize it, because the dialogue seems to imply it. If you must have her use some body language here, have her shake her head or do something similar.

I'll have the "real" review up by tomorrow. Don't worry, I'll read Of Cellos as well. Note that all of these editing bugs are fairly minor, they didn't bother me too much, just were little niggling things.

Eyvind